Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“Loving your country does not mean lying about its history.”

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you do not.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

So many bastards, so little time.

How any woman could possibly vote for this smug smarmy piece of misogynistic crap is beyond understanding.

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

One way or another, he’s a liar.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Since we are repeating ourselves, let me just say fuck that.

Do we throw up our hands or do we roll up our sleeves? (hint, door #2)

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Speaker Mike Johnson is a vile traitor to the House and the Constitution.

We know you aren’t a Democrat but since you seem confused let me help you.

Celebrate the fucking wins.

Disappointing to see gov. newsom with his finger to the wind.

“Facilitate” is an active verb, not a weasel word.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

Hey hey, RFK, how many kids did you kill today?

Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / Swamp Tough, Then and Now

Swamp Tough, Then and Now

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So, there are a lot of goddamn alligators in our river! Here’s one that looks blue thanks to the reflected sky:

Here’s a close-up of his pitiless eye:

He’s just a little fella and therefore lucky I didn’t wade out and yank him out of the river and cook him for dinner. The tail fillets are delicious if you know how to season and fry them. Which I do.

We’re having a water pressure issue at the swamp compound. We checked it before we bought the house, but it has diminished considerably for some reason.

The mister is a wiz at irrigation issues and fiddled with the machinery some, but we’ve got a well pump pro coming Monday. Hope it’s not too costly, but we’re resigned to a minimum of $1K. A thousand seems to be the fucking baseline.

Meanwhile, I took a shower a while ago, and during the creme rinse phase, I was mentally lamenting the loss of the torrent of water that municipal systems have delivered to my lathered noggin for these past decades.

But then I remembered that my forebears fled the potato famine, made their way to this part of Florida (of all places — what were the daft gingers thinking?!?) and stole acreage from the previous occupants to scratch out a living as frontier farmers.

Family lore has it that one great (times x) grandfather traveled to Georgia in the 1880s to sell something, and when he tried to return home, his train was stopped at the state line because the entire state of Florida was under quarantine for yellow fever.

The train would continue on with supplies, but all passengers were compelled to disembark and wait out the quarantine.

My grandpa slipped under the stopped train and found a spot on the undercarriage to cling to, then rode across the state line as a stowaway, waiting for the train to stop again before sneaking off and making his way home on foot.

He did that because he was afraid his family would starve to death without him.

So yeah, I can handle this low water pressure and alligator situation, FFS.

Open thread!

Reader Interactions

57Comments

  1. 1.

    trollhattan

    My grandpa slipped under the stopped train and found a spot on the undercarriage to cling to, then rode across the state line as a stowaway, waiting for the train to stop again before sneaking off and making his way home on foot.

    Nuh-uh! Or, goddamn, that’s epic baddass by grandpa.

    I’m convinced most of us [raises hand] would not have survived what our two- three-generation forebears did.

    re. your well, how deep is it and what’s the water chemistry at the tap? Knowing nothing about local conditions I’m guessing you have to tap a deep aquifer to access water with no salt.

    p.s. I checked and there’s no extra charge for the gators.

  3. 3.

    Betty Cracker

    @trollhattan: We’ve gone soft, I tell ya!

    Regarding the well, I haven’t a clue how deep or what chemistry, but I met a lady down the road who is similarly equipped and has lived here for decades, and she suspects it’s a pump issue rather than a problem with the well. We shall see.

  5. 5.

    Betty Cracker

    @??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??: I hope it’s true! I banked my vote for Gillum (and every other Democrat) the day before I moved. The media was playing up the Hamilton tickets issue to try to paint Gillum as corrupt, but DeSantis is such a terrible candidate, and the MAGA bomber nutcase (who is a HUGE DeSantis fan) knocked that out of the headlines. My guess is Gillum wins by a narrower margin than 538 predicts, but it’s just a guess.

  7. 7.

    Adam L Silverman

    during the creme rinse phase

    This is Balloon Juice, you must have meant the creme brulee rinse phase.

  8. 8.

    cope

    And the gator is thinking “I spy with my little slit eye…”. They’re so cute when they’re little.

    Maybe you can become the Gator Whisperer (or Grunter more accurately), you’ve already got the degree.

  10. 10.

    Betty Cracker

    @Mike in NC: It tastes like fishy pencil erasers when prepared by an unskilled cook. But it really is good when cooked right. My stepmom taught me to cook it the right way.

  11. 11.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Betty Cracker: You ever go to the Cajun Cafe in St. Pete/Pinellas Park? They make, or made – I’ve not been there for years – an excellent alligator tail piquant.

  12. 12.

    dexwood

    @Mike in NC:
    My neighborhood butcher has a freezer with frozen game meats. I can buy gator sausages here in Albuquerque. Haven’t tried it. Mrs. dexwood says ain’t no way.

  14. 14.

    NotMax

    the loss of the torrent of water that municipal systems have delivered to my lathered noggin for these past decades.

    The horror, the horror…

    ;)

  15. 15.

    ??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??

    @Betty Cracker:
    I looked up on Wikipedia that Florida hasn’t had a Democratic governor since 1999. Like you noted, it’s likely a combination of how bad DeSantis is as a candidate and how amazing Gillum is. The awfulness of Trump probably doesn’t hurt either, given the current poltical climate.

  17. 17.

    Regine Touchon

    @Betty Cracker:
    I go with the pump too. Living off a well since 1990 and had to change the foot valve that sits above the bottom of the well. We did it twice. I was my husband’s assistant. Our water is pretty hard so works on the valve. Might want to check it out. Blue Gators against those Red Dawgs.

  19. 19.

    NotMax

    Why am I not in the least surprised that Sayoc* worked at Papa John’s?

    *Memo to all and any Star Trek writers in the future: Redact from lists of available Vulcan names.

  21. 21.

    Ohio Mom

    Am I reading correctly that the Crackers moved into a new house? If so, what about the Tiki bar and the chicken coop?

    Gosh, you miss a week or two of Balloon Juice and you miss a lot.

  24. 24.

    ??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??

    @Betty Cracker:
    The Miami Herald has this story on Gilum:
    New document shows possible link between Gillum 2016 fundraiser, undercover FBI agent

    An undercover FBI agent might have paid for more than $4,000 in food and drinks for one of Andrew Gillum’s campaign fundraisers in 2016, according to a new batch of records released Friday.

    But the contribution in early 2016 does not appear in the records for Gillum’s political committee, raising new questions less than two weeks before Florida’s governor’s race between Gillum and Republican Ron DeSantis is decided on Nov. 6.

    The fundraiser for Gillum’s political committee, Forward Florida, was on April 11, 2016, at the home of Adam Corey, a former lobbyist and a former longtime friend of Gillum’s, according to an invoice and emails released by Corey’s lawyer, Chris Kise.

    What’s the deal on this?

  25. 25.

    Betty Cracker

    @Eljai: Breaded with corn meal, flour and seasoning, then fried.

    @Adam L Silverman: I’ve not tried that place, but a proper Cajun joint can probably do gator.

    @Ohio Mom: We moved (details in a post from yesterday). Critters safely transported and new and improved tiki bar planned. I will miss my white squirrels though.

  27. 27.

    Jay

    @??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??:

    Tallahassee politics is corrupt.

    The FBI trolled politico’s in a pay for play scheme to but corrupt pols.

    They got nada on Gillum, so the Media is trolling out “nothingburger” reveals to create the illusion he’s corrupt.

    Emailz’s 3.0.

  28. 28.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    The Blue Gator sounds like the kind of restaurant where you could order gator. Or maybe the kind of bar where you only order bottled beer and you want to open it yourself.

  30. 30.

    Adam L Silverman

    @??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??: Corey, as well as some others in/around Tallahassee city government have been under a FBI public corruption investigation for months. It has been public for a while now. Gillum has stated that the FBI has conveyed to his personal attorneys that he is not a target of the investigation. At this point, my take is that the FBI investigation into Tallahassee city government has been baked into the electoral cake for months. Anyone who thinks this is problematic for Gillum has thought that for a while and was never going to vote for him.

  32. 32.

    Betty Cracker

    @??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??: Sounds like some shady shit, tbh. I like Gillum and already voted for him — would have crawled over broken lightbulbs to do so, especially given the alternative. But this looks bad, no question about it.

    The current Republican governor is a notorious crook and was elected twice despite that, so I wonder if this bullshit will hurt Gillum at all. But as we know, Dems are held to higher standards.

    If the GOP opponent wasn’t a clueless, inept, racist Trump sycophant, I’d be seriously worried. But since he is, I’m only mildly worried.

  33. 33.

    Jay

    @John Revolta:

    Reptiles fill an ecological niche,

    “Conservatives” don’t.

    They are the human equivalent of the Taylor Oil Spill.

    Slow motion death and destruction.

  34. 34.

    CaseyL

    I read a book – so long ago I can’t remember the title or the author – about a family taking a road trip through Florida, possibly along the Gulf Coast or along a river. Somewhere near water. Their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere – the story is set in the 1920’s or 30’s, I think – and no one else is likely to come by anytime soon, so they have to make camp. First they do things like improvise cooking utensils from hubcaps and a stove from the radiator. They trap birds, catch fish, and live off the land. They wind up staying there long enough to clear a plot, cut down a bunch of trees, and build a house.

    Some other people finally come by when the house is done, decide they like the family and the area, and decide to stay and build a house, too. Eventually a small town rises from the spot.

    It was an interesting and amusing story. IIRC it was autobiographical, so somewhere in rural Florida (or rural Florida circa 1920s-30s) is a town that was founded when someone’s car broke down. I wish I could remember the title/author.

  35. 35.

    Dan B

    @Betty Cracker: I got an Alligator Po Boy at a market in LA near the LA County Museum of Art. It had a faint fishiness and ineeded teeth sharpened by the best German blademakers. The bun was filling, fortunately.

  37. 37.

    ??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??

    @Jay: @Steve in the ATL: @Adam L Silverman:
    Thanks. That makes me feel better. It seems Gillum wasn’t personally involved.

    @Betty Cracker:

    Yeah, but as Adam noted, he’s not a target of the FBI investigation which means he’s probably not personally involved.

    I’m glad to have gotten the opinions of those on the ground in Florida, such as you and Adam! Thanks! I hope Gillum wins! 538 is also predicting an average of 23.9 states being under Dem control after this election. That would be an awesome start to turning this shitshow around!

  41. 41.

    Kay

    So Sherrod Brown had a debate tonight and he’s way ahead in polls. Near the end of the debate after he answered the question he looked straight into the camera and smoothly transitioned to campaigning for Cordray. The moderator cut him off and then he did it again at the end of the next answer. He has 90 seconds to answer the questions and apparently he decided to give away 30 of that and campaign for the governor’s race.

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before, where you use your spare time to talk about an entirely different race and candidate.

  43. 43.

    ??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??

    @Kay:
    It’s a very close race according to 538. They have DeWine forecast to win by 1.3%. Cordray needs all the help he can get. I also worry about all the other state-level offices (including the Ohio Supreme Court) too. I’d really like to turn this state more purple but the aging population and people leaving the state make that difficult. Well, we know after 11/6/18 either way.

  44. 44.

    Mnemosyne

    Here’s a close-up of his pitiless eye

    You just had to mess with me and my gator phobia, didn’t you?

    Actually, his pitiless eye looks a lot like our youngest cat Charlotte’s eye, though we usually refer to hers as “cold dead raptor eyes.”

  45. 45.

    Bill Arnold

    @CaseyL:
    DISNEYLAND WITH THE DEATH PENALTY (WILLIAM GIBSON), 1993
    (New to me too, and interesting. Believe Wired got into trouble for it.)

    There is no slack in Singapore. Imagine an Asian version of Zurich operating as an offshore capsule at the foot of Malaysia; an affluent microcosm whose citizens inhabit something that feels like, well, Disneyland. Disneyland with the death penalty.

  47. 47.

    seaboogie

    Betty – I know that you are a FL native and accustomed to gators, but how do you manage living in a stilt house on water surrounded by gators with your dogs-especially little Badger? Doesn’t seem like you can safely let him out into a yard to pee (if you have one) without him becoming dinner for the gators.

  49. 49.

    WaterGirl

    @seaboogie: I’ll answer in case Betty is asleep.

    In Betty’s post about this yesterday — see the link at #23 — she explained that they have a tall, sturdy fence between the yard and the water.

  52. 52.

    J R in WV

    @??? Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)  ??:

    The Miami Herald has this story on Gilum:

    New document shows possible link between Gillum 2016 fundraiser, undercover FBI agent

    In just this tiny take from your post, I see the whole thing exposed for what it is. First the appearance of one of the several words that make any statement unacceptable in a news environment: “possible” !!!

    Other examples of similar words are might and could, for example, these are true statements, kind of:

    “Hillary Clinton possibly alien mutant from Venusian swamps!”
    or
    “Barack Obama could be actual birth citizen of Umphagastan!”‘

    HIghly unlikely, vanishingly improbable, but could be possibly….

    Secondly, a similar but different issue, is the part of the accusation that reads “undercover FBI”… If he was undercover, the possibility that he was FBI is (or should be) irrelevant to the discussion. It does however open up the possibility that he was both undercover and required to be a provocateur, to commit barely illegal acts deliberately and secretly to stab a rising politician in the back.

    All of which means this is Republiclan Ratfucking showing up just before the actual election. I’m a little surprised that the Miami paper would allow this, but I guess an undercover right-wing editor could plant an article like this at the last minute, that is how it works. Ratfucking, I mean.

    Interesting example, thanks for putting it up !!

  53. 53.

    kindness

    Gators. I don’t know that I could teach my pups to be wary of gators. At least not at this point in their lives. It would be a real short learning experience I fear. I guess if you get critters young enough they just catalogue a gator as another predator to look out for. Tough call for water dogs, no doubt. Keep your pets safe Betty. Let us know when you come across a hybrid python, which you no doubt will.

  54. 54.

    Olivia

    @rikyrah: I’m with you! No gators in my yard or on my table. I often think it would be nice to live where winters are warm but I stay in Minnesota because the cold winters keep the more disgusting critters away. Unfortunately, we are starting to find brown recluse and black widow spiders here occasionally. As the winters get warmer, the nasty critters are moving in.

  55. 55.

    Dev Null

    Late to the party, and repeating an offense I committed at another of Betty’s Florida posts (or perhaps an AL post, I don’t remember), but it’s obligatory:

    Rippy the Gator

  56. 56.

    rsginsf

    Before my sister & I packed up & left FL (after selling our parents’ house on the ECoast) we went to Weeki Wachee Springs, which I’m thinking is in your neck of the woods, to see the mermaids, ‘cuz we’d never been once since living in FL off & on since 1960. And see them we did!

    But we also went on WW’s little nature tour, and we got to see to this little guy up close & personal.

    https://www.flickr.com/photos/14361537@N06/?

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