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You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Evil Genius Open Thread

Evil Genius Open Thread

by John Cole|  November 13, 20187:06 pm| 43 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

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I need to share this with you all and not just teh twitterz.

I just did one of the most evil genius things I have ever done. I was trying to make an omelet, and Thurston and Rosie were both in the kitchen and made me almost fall like four times. Instead of yelling, at the same time I took two pinches of shredded cheese, and sprinkled it on the backs of both dogs where they could not reach it.

This caused Thurston to rush over to try to get the cheese off Rosie’s back, which Rosie responded to as aggression, and then she noticed the cheese on Thurston’s back and went for it. They are both still in the back yard chasing each other.

Lily, meanwhile, pranced delicately into the kitchen and at the cheese on the floor, and I was able to cook and eat my omelet in peace.

How do we do this to the Republicans in 2020?

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Previous Post: « The Market is a Motherfucker- Apple Edition
Next Post: Open Thread: Oh, Yay, Another Crappy Repub Reboot! »

Reader Interactions

43Comments

  1. 1.

    TenguPhule

    November 13, 2018 at 7:11 pm

    Lily, meanwhile, pranced delicately into the kitchen and at the cheese on the floor, and I was able to cook and eat my omelet in peace.

    Surely you ate it in pieces? //

  2. 2.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 13, 2018 at 7:13 pm

    (Read’s Cole’s twitter feed on the right sidebar…) What! They want to ditch Pelosi and have Steny as speaker? Are they fucking nuts?

  3. 3.

    TenguPhule

    November 13, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    They want to ditch Pelosi and have Steny as speaker? Are they fucking nuts?

    They want to retain Hoyer as majority leader. If I’m reading that correctly. They want to speaker to be someone else.

  4. 4.

    JaySinWA

    November 13, 2018 at 7:17 pm

    The WV cheeseback maneuver will make history if you ever perfect it for politics.

  5. 5.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 13, 2018 at 7:17 pm

    Good News! Weather Underground is predicting rain for SoCal next week and it should put the fires out here. Bad News! Weather Underground is predicting rain for SoCal and will cause the Santa Monicas to mudslide into the Pacific.

  6. 6.

    Elizabelle

    November 13, 2018 at 7:18 pm

    That is genius.

    Take that, dogs. Who (doesn’t) wear the pants around here?!

  7. 7.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 13, 2018 at 7:19 pm

    @TenguPhule:

    They want to speaker to be someone else.

    Who, who?

  8. 8.

    NotMax

    November 13, 2018 at 7:20 pm

    How do we do this to the Republicans in 2020?

    Put capital gains cuts on their backs.
    ;)

  9. 9.

    PaulWartenberg

    November 13, 2018 at 7:23 pm

    I am not wasting my cheese on Republicans.

    let’s just fcking vote them all out.

  10. 10.

    TenguPhule

    November 13, 2018 at 7:28 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    Who, who?

    Someone called “Ideal Candidate”

  11. 11.

    TenguPhule

    November 13, 2018 at 7:29 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    Good News! Weather Underground is predicting rain for SoCal next week and it should put the fires out here. Bad News! Weather Underground is predicting rain for SoCal and will cause the Santa Monicas to mudslide into the Pacific.

    So glass half full of mud.

  12. 12.

    ruemara

    November 13, 2018 at 7:32 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Probably that tactical genius and policy maven, Alejandra Octavio-Cortes.

  13. 13.

    sdhays

    November 13, 2018 at 7:35 pm

    @TenguPhule: How is ol’ Steny ok but Pelosi is too old and has to go? He’s old too, and there’s absolutely 0 indication that he’s as effective as Pelosi is. I am really sick of the ungrounded Pelosi hatred.

  14. 14.

    TenguPhule

    November 13, 2018 at 7:35 pm

    @PaulWartenberg:

    I am not wasting my cheese on Republicans.

    Not even a Casu marzu?

  15. 15.

    TenguPhule

    November 13, 2018 at 7:36 pm

    @sdhays:

    How is ol’ Steny ok but Pelosi is too old and has to go? He’s old too, and there’s absolutely 0 indication that he’s as effective as Pelosi is. I am really sick of the ungrounded Pelosi hatred.

    Don’t look at me, I’m just the messenger reading Cole’s tweeting.

  16. 16.

    Mnemosyne

    November 13, 2018 at 7:37 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    I just put that link in AL’s thread. My guess is that Hoyer wants to do the Tom DeLay trick of getting a lightweight figurehead elected Speaker so he can be the power behind the throne.

    @sdhays:

    Steny has a peni$ and Nancy doesn’t, so therefore he’s better than she is. Duh. ?

  17. 17.

    NotMax

    November 13, 2018 at 7:39 pm

    @TenguPhule

    Oh, geez. Can smell it through the screen of the monitor.

    ;)

  18. 18.

    joel hanes

    November 13, 2018 at 7:43 pm

    The Nancy Pelosi trading card is worth approximately five million Steney Hoyers

  19. 19.

    TenguPhule

    November 13, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    White officer fatally shot black security guard, Chicago-area police chief says

    A white officer fatally shot a black security guard south of Chicago over the weekend, a police chief has confirmed.

    Jemel Roberson, 26, was wearing a hat with “security” emblazoned across the front when he was shot early on Sunday.

    Witnesses say Roberson had been trying to detain a man following an earlier shooting at Manny’s Blue Room in Robbins, a bar where he worked, according to an attorney who filed a lawsuit on behalf of the guard’s family.

    When police arrived at the scene, Roberson was holding “somebody on the ground with his knee in his back, with his gun in his back”, witness Adam Harris told WGN-TV.

    “Everybody is screaming out, ‘He’s a security guard’,” Harris said.

    sigh.

  20. 20.

    Mai Naem mobile

    November 13, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    Steny Hoyer is worthless. If these newbies think Steny is better than Pelosi my opinion of them just went down twenty notches.

  21. 21.

    WaterGirl

    November 13, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    @Mnemosyne: It’s genius:

    Step 1:
    Record numbers of women run for office and work on campaigns and win the House for Democrats.

    Step 2:
    Piss off all the women who just got you to where you are — Let’s put an old guy in place of Nancy Pelosi, who is the best Speaker we have ever had.

    If any of them had been paying attention for the past week or two, they might have read the article where Nancy says that she had planned to retire (or at least not be speaker) after Hillary won, but she hung in there for obvious reasons once 2016 happened.

    She is visibly older than she was a short time ago, and her voice sounds a bit shaky like old women sometimes sound. It’s patently obvious that her plan is to get the Ds off to a great start while teaching/mentoring her successor. She knows what the hell she is doing, let her work her magic for now while prepping the next generation of leaders and prepping the next Speaker of the House.

    It makes me want to bang my head agains the wall.

  22. 22.

    WaterGirl

    November 13, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    @Mnemosyne:

    Steny has a peni$ and Nancy doesn’t…

    That can be remedied.

  23. 23.

    J R in WV

    November 13, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    @TenguPhule:

    OK, in the beginning I was willing to give the cop the benefit of the doubt for shooting someone armed with a gun pointed at a guy on the ground beneath the guy with the gun.

    But if the guy with the gun was wearing a hat that said “Security” on it… that’s a really different picture.

  24. 24.

    TenguPhule

    November 13, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    @J R in WV:

    But if the guy with the gun was wearing a hat that said “Security” on it… that’s a really different picture.

    Worst part is the guard who was shot was holding down the actual shooter that caused the call in the first place. He’d shot 4 people before he was down on the ground.

    And people around the cop were yelling at him that the guy was security.

    smh.

  25. 25.

    Mnemosyne

    November 13, 2018 at 8:04 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    Yes, but they’ll put a woman or even a woman of color in the Speaker position as a powerless figurehead while the old white dudes call the shots from behind the scenes. It can’t possibly go wrong!

    However, I’m pretty sure Pelosi is up for their games. As noted above, she was able to cut the ground out from under AOC’s protest and force her to act graciously without even breaking a sweat. I ain’t worried.

  26. 26.

    Ryan

    November 13, 2018 at 8:10 pm

    I’m just glad they only singled out Pelosi. Imagine if they asked Chuck Schumer why he should me minority leader? Crazypants!

  27. 27.

    Mnemosyne

    November 13, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    @Ryan:

    Well, come on, Schumer is a white dude, so there’s no reason to think that someone else would do a better job. He’s a white dude! How could someone else do better than that?!
    /sarcasm, if not sufficiently apparent

  28. 28.

    Pogonip

    November 13, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    Cole, did you film the Great Cheese Fracas? If so, please post it. ??

  29. 29.

    Princess Leia

    November 13, 2018 at 8:38 pm

    Up to the min results:
    Katie Porter (DEM)- 116,732
    Mimi Walters (REP)- 116,471

    Can’t say how happy this makes me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. 30.

    Ladyraxterinok

    November 13, 2018 at 8:45 pm

    @TenguPhule: Women are DANGEROUS!! Nuff said

  31. 31.

    Ladyraxterinok

    November 13, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    @Ladyraxterinok: AND ….. do NOT know their rightful, god (male) ordained place!!

  32. 32.

    jonas

    November 13, 2018 at 9:09 pm

    @Princess Leia: Living to see the day the OC turns purple — if not blue? First Rohrabacher and now Walters? I did not think I would ever see that. And I’m not *that* old.

  33. 33.

    Ruckus

    November 13, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    @WaterGirl:
    I like the way you think.

  34. 34.

    Drunkenhausfrau

    November 13, 2018 at 9:25 pm

    Peeing myself.

  35. 35.

    Avalune

    November 13, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    I got Leto to read this one and he laughed as hard as he could in that very careful strained “trying not to literally bust my gut” way he does now. Without context it’s hard to know if he is laughing or having a stroke. ❤️

  36. 36.

    Duane

    November 13, 2018 at 10:17 pm

    @Avalune: Sounds like Leto is recovering well. That’s good news. Keep it up!

  37. 37.

    seaboogie

    November 13, 2018 at 10:19 pm

    @WaterGirl: ?and❤️your comments tonight.

  38. 38.

    seaboogie

    November 13, 2018 at 10:24 pm

    John – genius strategy, and I did laugh out loud. Omelet is kind of my “need warm food in my belly” culinary option…that was last night. Tonight it’s steamed new potatoes with drizzled EVOO and pepper, topped by steamed broccoli florets and finely grated old cheddar cheese. Another mainstay that fills the belly when I’m not specifically craving protein. And yummy.

  39. 39.

    Zelma

    November 13, 2018 at 10:49 pm

    @TenguPhule:
    You do know that Pelosi and Hoyer hate each other, don’t you? And that Hoyer has never forgiven Pelosi for winning the post? And that the whip doesn’t recognize half of the members of the caucus.

    Look, this is not a well oiled machine. Pelosi gets a lot of credit for holding the caucus together for the last few years, but there were damn few if any members who were ever going to vote to repeal the ACA or vote for the Republican tax cut.

    The great failure of the House Democratic leadership is that they refused to prepare for any kind of succession. That was a huge mistake and an indication of their selfishness. They should all probably go but they have created a situation where there are no clear successors. Say what you will about the Republicans, but they did develop their younger talent.

  40. 40.

    Ken

    November 13, 2018 at 11:32 pm

    I’m afraid to ask how (why?) the cheese stuck to the dogs’ backs.

    You – you didn’t melt it first, did you?

  41. 41.

    NotMax

    November 14, 2018 at 1:44 am

    @Ken

    Ever tried to clean up spilled shredded cheese? Stuff adheres everywhere.

    ;)

  42. 42.

    karen marie

    November 14, 2018 at 5:07 pm

    Dear John Cole:

    I read your apple post yesterday and found it very interesting. When I was in Trader Joe’s today, I bought some apples to make microwave “baked” apples to have with yogurt for breakfast (nom!). I skipped the Honeycrisp in part because of what I learned from your post but mostly because I just don’t think they’re such great apples. As I was standing there mulling my options, a man came by and picked up a bag of Honeycrisp. I asked him if he’d heard how much trouble they are to grow – he hadn’t, so I told him about the every other year fruiting and the gymnastics once they’re picked. He put down that bag and selected another variety. I was delighted. If I can personally kill the Honeycrisp as a major apple, I feel I will have lived a life of value.

  43. 43.

    karen marie

    November 14, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    @seaboogie: I’ve been cooking my eggs – whether omelet or flipped – in olive oil. What a huge difference it makes in how gloriously fluffy my eggs are! A one egg omelet, I use a little short of a measured tablespoon. For flipped eggs, you want enough in the pan to make those suckers FLOAT in it. For the omelet, once the oil is hot enough (as indicated by my laser thermometer), I toss in the beaten egg and shake shake shake that pan like mad. The egg PUFFS! For flipped eggs (or over easy, if that’s your bag), drop the eggs in that hot oil, shake shake shake and spoon hot oil over the top. The whites go PUFF! Absolutely fantastic. And then, instead of putting jam on the toast that’s left after sopping up the yolks, I use it to sop up the excess oil. Like dying and going to heaven. I love butter but this is one application where it’s a big disappointment compared to olive oil.

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