Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

We’ll be taking my thoughts and prayers to the ballot box.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

Bark louder, little dog.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

Ah, the different things are different argument.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

If you are still in the GOP, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

No Justins, No Peace

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

“Why isn’t this Snickers bar only a nickle?”

If you are in line to indict donald trump, stay in line.

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

We still have time to mess this up!

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.

There’s always a light at the end of the frog.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

Everyone is in a bubble, but some bubbles model reality far better than others!

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102Comments

  1. 1.

    dmsilev

    Trump Considering Son-In-Law Jared Kushner For Next Chief Of Staff:

    Having run through his first choices for his chief of staff vacancy without any luck, President Donald Trump is considering his own son-in-law for the job.

    Jared Kushner, the husband of Trump’s daughter Ivanka and already an official White House adviser, met with Trump Wednesday about the job, a top Republican close to the White House told HuffPost. He and two others close to Trump or the White House who confirmed Kushner’s interest in the position did so on condition of anonymity to discuss the president’s staffing considerations freely.

    Reality overtops any attempts at humor.

  7. 7.

    eyelessgame

    All Jared’s responsible for right now is brokering Middle East peace, reforming government and criminal justice, managing the opioid crisis, and acting as liason to Mexico, China, and the Muslim community, so he has a lot of time on his hands and should have plenty of spare capacity to handle the chief of staff job.

  8. 8.

    Mike in NC

    Sadly, Randy Quaid is still on the run from the authorities. Gary Busey or Steven Segal would be good candidates. The latter is very close to Putin, which could upset Trump.

  9. 9.

    dmsilev

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: Via TPM, reports differ:

    CBS News’ Major Garrett also reported that Kushner was under consideration:
    .@MajorCBS confirms: Jared Kushner is under consideration for White House chief of staff.

    And BuzzFeed News’ Tarini Parti reported that the situation is still uncertain:
    @tparti
    Hearing from multiple sources close to the White House that while the chief of staff situation remains very fluid, Kushner is not to their knowledge under consideration.

    Using the principle of “Trump will do the stupidest possible thing” (aka Trump’s Razor, coined I believe by Josh Marshall), Jared seems plausible.

  12. 12.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    I’d love to see the realities of the job puncture lil’ Newtie’s gaseous bubble of self-regard.

  14. 14.

    poleaxedbyboatwork

    Aleksandr Torshin.

    Cuts straight to the chase, has that reality TV element of scripted surprise, plus this might be Torshin’s last chance to avoid a plutonium purgative so, you know, motivated.

  15. 15.

    Steve in the ATL

    Can I start a new feature that almost certainly merits front page status? I’m calling it “Things I Learned In Speaking with an HR Manager at a Manufacturing Plant in Rural Indiana”:

    You can’t fire the man for shooting his brother in-law—the second amendment gives him that right!

    I was seriously waiting for Buck Owens or a couple of the Hee-Haw girls to pop out of the cornfield at that point.

    And by the way, we weren’t even discussing that man or anything related to him or shooting or brothers in law. The incident actually happened last year, but Ms. HR Manager thought it warranted a mention sua sponte.

    And yes, it took all of my self control not to yell “MAGA!” at that moment.

  16. 16.

    piratedan

    i would nominate Rush Limbaugh… then we can get around to jailing that odious fucktard as well…. 2nd best would be Sean Hannity

  17. 17.

    Keith P.

    Newt will probably provide the greatest entertainment value (unless you count the really weird ideas, like Piers Morgan or that not-Scott-Baio guy…that Power Ranger-or-whatnot EDIT: Sabato)
    Chris Christie is probably the smartest pick, but God doesn’t love me enough to do that to Jared.

  20. 20.

    SFAW

    Roy Cohn.

    He’d get shit done, he’s possibly a meaner prick than Lying Littledick PantsPisser, and he’s most definitely smarter than LLPP.

    Of course, the dead-for-32-years thing might be a hindrance, but it’s not as if LLPP would actually listen to him anyway.

  22. 22.

    Steve in the ATL

    @dmsilev: remember that scene in “Braveheart” when Edward Longshanks’ son introduced dad to his gay lover and says “I’ve made Phillip my High Advisor!” and then dad throws gay lover out the window?

    We need someone to be dad at the White House.

  25. 25.

    Jimmm

    Has anyone mentioned James Woods? He has that “central casting” feel that Trump seems to appreciate.

  27. 27.

    Wag

    I’m going to go out on a limb and say he offers it to Pelosi. Gets her out of the house and causes massive disruption to the Dems.

    Of course she would laugh in his face and publicity belittle him for the weak gesture, but it is the kind of reality ? BS that wouldn’t surprise me at all.

  28. 28.

    jl

    I have it on good authority that valued commenters BillinGlendaleCA and Schlemiel (sp?) are fighting over the job. So those two. Maybe they could share it, Do a tag team on it.

    I was broken hear that the Canseco offer was a joke. He’d be good. Phyllis Diller or Joan Rivers would be great, but they’ve passed on.
    Kathy Griffin? She’d be good. Show that Trump is willing to reach across the aisle and be magnanimous.

  31. 31.

    SFAW

    @A Ghost To Most:

    I’ve got Ted Nugent in the pool.

    How much you want to hold his head under for about 10 minutes? I’m sure we’d get a GoFundMe for 10 times the amount, within about 30 minutes.

    Or was that not the type of “pool” you meant?

    ETA: In light of PPCLI’s comment, how much to do a two-fer — The Nuuuuge and D’Felon D’Douchebag?

  32. 32.

    Gelfling 545

    @dmsilev: Well, unlike those other guys, he’d pretty much have to accept, wouldn’t he. It’ll be an outrageous shit show no matter who gets the job so a complete incompetent might not make much difference.

  36. 36.

    Wag

    I’m going to go out on a limb and say he offers it to Pelosi. Gets her out of the house and causes massive disruption to the Dems.

    Of course she would laugh in his face and publicity belittle him for the weak gesture, but it is the kind of reality ? BS that wouldn’t surprise me at all.

  38. 38.

    Raoul

    Ginny Thomas.

    I mean, why not have a direct line to the S.C.? We already have Elaine Chao whispering Trump nothings in Mitch’s ear after every cabinet meeting.

  39. 39.

    MomSense

    O/T I’m going to the Governor’s inauguration and reception but I’m undecided about the ball. It’s black tie which means dress, heels, makeup- the works. I’m worried it will be full of the politically aspirant and I’m becoming more intolerant by the day. There won’t be any kittehs or pups there.

  40. 40.

    jl

    What’s sad is that so many great candidates who truly understand Trump’s era, his time, his social frame of reference, but at the same time could transcend it, have passed away. So, Jack Benny, Milton Berle, Jonathan Winters, Groucho Marx, Moe, all passed away now. They’d all have such appropriate presence, and great quotes for the media.

    I weep for what could have been.

  41. 41.

    lurker dean

    maybe one of the sheriffs – arpaio or clarke. they are both stupid enough to want the job. although clarke is probably busy crapping his pants about butina.

  43. 43.

    SFAW

    @PPCLI:

    No, wait! I forgot Roger Stone. Or Corsi. Either would be a winner

    It’s a target-rich environment. And if we can convince A Ghost to Most on the holding-the-head-under thing, the possibilities are astounding.

  44. 44.

    Gelfling 545

    @rikyrah: They’d murder each other in days, if not hours. Two prima donnas cannot occupy the same space. It’s a law of physics or something.

  45. 45.

    Mnemosyne

    @dmsilev:

    It’s going to be a family member, because Trump is circling the wagons and can’t trust anyone who’s not a blood relative or married to a blood relative.

    I actually think it will be Ivanka or, if she’s smart enough to turn it down, Don Jr.

    This is why narcissists spend so much time trying to convince their family members that absolutely no one outside of the family can be trusted or will ever love them more than the narc does. It’s their only insurance against being abandoned when they fuck up so terminally that even paid employees won’t put up with their shit anymore.

  48. 48.

    SFAW

    @MomSense:

    OK, but on the upside, you can pull the Gov aside and whisper “Listen, about this Rohrabacher-moving-to-Maine thing … can you selectively close the border?”

    Because I sure as hell don’t want that traitor in Vacationland — not even to visit — if/when I move up there.

  50. 50.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @dmsilev:

    Jared Kushner

    BWAHAHAHA. That would be hilarious on so many levels. First, with the court intrigue style infighting, it would make sense if Jared has been angling for this job thinking it makes him effectively president. Second, Jared is arrogant and detached from consequences enough to think he could do the job brilliantly. Third, WHAT A TRASH FIRE THAT WOULD BE. Jared is unbelievably stupid. Jared Kushner is ‘this has to be parody, right?’ stupid. If he gets the job, the stories that come out of the White House will be hysterical – and they will absolutely flood out of the White House.

  53. 53.

    Mnemosyne

    @MomSense:

    If you wear a long dress, you don’t have to wear heels, because no one will see your feet. It also seems to be acceptable in some places for women to wear a dressy pantsuit (one of the kind with flowy trousers), but I don’t know if Maine is ready for such innovation.

  55. 55.

    Tenar Arha

    @dmsilev: Considering that the three biggest reasons for John Kelly’s downfall is Don the Con & Javanka insisting on their constant free-access to the Oval Office outside of any normal order for mere Assistants to the President, this is simultaneously not surprising & a nightmare.

  56. 56.

    Raoul

    O/T, does anyone else find it just a little delicious that Butina’s plea includes not just the NRA but the National Prayer Breakfast as the places she targeted marks for her spy work?

    Hilarious!

  57. 57.

    scav

    Why not just some cobbled-together suck-up magic eight-ball or is some form of DNA actually required by law?

    ETA: or, it would somehow be apt if he actually outourced the position to the lowest-bid international sweat-shop.

  59. 59.

    cmorenc

    How about Tucker Carlson? It would be entertaining to watch Tucker get bitch-slapped around and humiliated by boss-from-Hell Drumpf.

  60. 60.

    A Ghost To Most

    @SFAW: @SFAW:
    Line up the pay-per-view. In that vein, I’ve been thinking about who would hold the rights to a potential Trump family hanging. The pay-per-view could be worth billions.

  61. 61.

    dmsilev

    @Mnemosyne: Of his family, Jared actually seems like the most plausible choice. Not because he’s remotely qualified or anything like that, but because Trump seems to see an echo of himself in Jared. He seems to have some measure of contempt for his sons (which is one of the very very few things I think we can agree with him on) and lusts after his daughter.

  62. 62.

    Raoul

    @cmorenc: Tucker giving his constipated, quizzical baby look at staff meetings should engender a few punches in the face as the WH reaches the rats-biting-each-other phase (coming soon, quite possibly).

  66. 66.

    SFAW

    @MomSense:

    Sorry, kid. Left-Coast Traitor burbled something about it earlier this week. Let’s hope he was just joking.

    Maybe someone can tell him that there are a lot more Russian-speakers in certain parts of NYC, and he’ll move there.

  67. 67.

    Keith P.

    Redstate has a really, uh, interesting take on Trump’s revolving door:

    Since having taken office, he’s tried to right perceived wrongs. As part of that process, he’s tried and tested personnel, as he works his way to a Dream Team.

    That’s from an actual *post*, not a comment! Building a Dream Team LOL

  68. 68.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @dmsilev:

    Trump seems to see an echo of himself in Jared.

    I agree. I think they bond as intellectual equals. Both are so intensely stupid that the vapid, meaningless bullshit they spout sounds wise to themselves and each other. Plus, they’ve both slept with Ivanka.

  78. 78.

    Aleta

    I fear I will snap like a frozen twig if Jared is announced. Never thought I’d make it this long though, so that’s something.

  80. 80.

    JR

    @Steve in the ATL: minus points for quoting braveheart and double for the most explicitly homophobic scene in that movie.

    If we must use a Mel Gibson movie reference the obvious choice for COS is the diplomatic immunity guy from Lethal Weapon 2.

  84. 84.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Raoul:

    There would be one if you rent a kitteh furry costume and attend. Now, how one makes a fur suit ‘formal’ I do not know!!

    Tuxedo Kittehs, DUH.

  85. 85.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Random: why do I keep thinking of “daggers” and “papal nuncios” and “behind the arras”?

  86. 86.

    Ken Pidcock

    I’d never characterize Rick Santorum as stupid. To me, he seems to think pretty quick on his feet. What he thinks is batshit crazy, but that’s a different thing. It is possible that he’d reconsider taking this role, though. Being in charge is what he sincerely believes he should be.

  87. 87.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Duckpond:

    Incitatus is the most obvious choice for Trump’s chief of staff.

    You’re right. Too bad Trump has apparently never had a pet/animal companion in his entire fucking life.

  89. 89.

    smintheus

    His current wife. She’s stupid, she’s ignorant, she’s lazy, she’s a grifter, and she’s mean. Perfect fit.

  91. 91.

    MomSense

    @SFAW:

    He is really moving to Maine. I cannot imagine why. It’s so bizarre. Orange County California to the frozen tundra?

  93. 93.

    Mainmata

    Actually, Chris Crisco because he’s actually competent. I understand that won’t happen because Prince Jared. So, as a second and for hilarity – the return of the Mooch. It would be utter chaos of course but endlessly entertaining.

  94. 94.

    JustRuss

    What’s Baud! doing these days? Why wait til 2020, let’s get him into the Whitehouse now!

    I think Newt’s probably his best pick, in that he’s tricksy and amoral. But probably too independent, Trump’s going to want someone he can keep under his thumb. And he sure doesn’t want Newt spending too much time around Ivanka. My money’s on Jared.

  99. 99.

    sdhays

    @JustRuss: Newt’s only interested in the job because he sees it as his final shot at being the “real” President. It’s almost tantalizing to think about – Newt trying to be the President, the actual President treating him like a butler; who would win (probably neither)? Of course, Newty has been on wingnut welfare since he was dumped as Speaker in the 90’s. There’s no way he’s ready for the rigors of the CoS job, even the joke it currently is.

    I find it really hard to imagine Ivanka actually taking any kind of real job, ever. CoS is a punishing job, and that’s not Princess’ style. Jared might take it, though, since he clearly has no concept of his own limitations.

  100. 100.

    Wapiti

    Jared or Donild Jr are horribad picks because both are almost certainly on Mueller’s list. They get indicted and Trump gets to repeat the process or works with a CoS who’s tied up with lawyers 4 hours out of 12.

    So it will almost certainly be one of those two.

  102. 102.

    low-tech cyclist

    @dmsilev:

    Trump Considering Son-In-Law Jared Kushner For Next Chief Of Staff:

    Reality overtops any attempts at humor.

    Parody can’t even get its shoelaces tied these days before reality has left it in the dust.

    Jared as CoS would be wonderful. Trump will end up pissed off at whoever is in that role, so sure, put the lickspittle son-in-law in that role. Can’t wait for Trump to want Jared’s head on a platter.

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