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You are here: Home / Balloon Juice / Readership Capture / Deep Thoughts From the Fever Dreams

Deep Thoughts From the Fever Dreams

by John Cole|  February 4, 20195:30 pm| 63 Comments

This post is in: Readership Capture

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If I were kidnapped and the only proof of life the culprits would provide is a picture of my feet, at least I know that there would be a few people who could make an informed decision to pay out the ransom.

And who says this blog has no purpose?

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Reader Interactions

63Comments

  1. 1.

    Central Planning

    February 4, 2019 at 5:37 pm

    An informed decision doesn’t necessarily mean they will pay.

  2. 2.

    Baud

    February 4, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    And who says this blog has no purpose?

    People.

  3. 3.

    JPL

    February 4, 2019 at 5:42 pm

    John, It’s time to take a nap because I seem to remember that this blog has top tier talent, and now we have feet

  4. 4.

    jl

    February 4, 2019 at 5:43 pm

    ” a few people who could make an informed decision to pay out the ransom. ”
    We can check whether Cole’s pets have started eating him? Is that it?
    That would work like Cole holding the day’s newspaper?

  5. 5.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    February 4, 2019 at 5:45 pm

    @Baud: “Too Many People”

  6. 6.

    West of the Rockies

    February 4, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    Dear God, please never, ever allow Trump’s feet to appear in public… Grubby-toed vulgarian.

  7. 7.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 4, 2019 at 5:48 pm

    @Baud: lots of people are saying that, many top people, people come to me, big guys with tears in their eyes, stevedores, longshoremen, lumberjacks, gladiators and sumo wrestlers, they come to me weeping and say, “Sir, that”

  8. 8.

    Martin

    February 4, 2019 at 5:53 pm

    I think the most likely answer here is that DougJ earned Cole’s trust, and gave the keys over to AL and Betty. The 3 buried Cole in a Florida swamp and what we’re really looking at in the pics are a pair of fake legs made out of old Subaru parts, wine wrapper foil, and yellowed, deteriorating comics. They care for the pets and take the occasional photo. Blurry is deliberate to hide the evidence. Rosie knows everything.

    David, Tom, Adam, Cheryl, M^4, etc. were all smart enough to figure out the ruse, and blackmailed Doug and co-conspirators into handing over the keys so they could get a part of the crown jewels which is the commentariat here. They’re in it with the aliens. I swear to god.

  9. 9.

    JPL

    February 4, 2019 at 5:54 pm

    @West of the Rockies: what color are they?

  10. 10.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    February 4, 2019 at 5:55 pm

    @Martin: Yes, that’s all well and good, but what about the missing mustard?

  11. 11.

    John Revolta

    February 4, 2019 at 5:56 pm

    “Picture of my feet.” You worry too much. Probably what they’d do is just cut off a couple of toes and send them. Of course you’ve always got those slippers on so it could be a problem. Just tell ’em to cut off the whole foot and we’ll take it from there.

  12. 12.

    Martin

    February 4, 2019 at 5:56 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: There is no mustard. The mustard is a lie designed to distract you from the real conspiracy that is afoot.

  13. 13.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 4, 2019 at 5:57 pm

    if trump goes for the national emergency, and the inevitable lawsuit comes, would this be admissible (if that’s the word) as an admission that this has nothing to do with national security and is exclusively about Fear Of Mean Tweets from Ann Coulter?

    Sahil Kapur @ sahilkapur
    Lindsey Graham tells Republicans to get behind Trump on a national emergency declaration for the wall or they’ll be cut loose.

    “This is about more than a barrier. This is about us as a party.”

  14. 14.

    NotMax

    February 4, 2019 at 6:01 pm

    So after release based on that evidence you’d be a sole survivor?

  15. 15.

    Raven

    February 4, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    I just popped a handful of peanuts and broke a tooth in half!

  16. 16.

    Martin

    February 4, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Did Graham leave off the Sieg Heil! at the end or is the quote truncated?

  17. 17.

    TaMara (HFG)

    February 4, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    @Raven: Man that sucks! If it’s like my tooth, you probably had microfractures (hard to detect on xray) and they finally gave way. :-(

  18. 18.

    debbie

    February 4, 2019 at 6:05 pm

    The bastard’s inching back up toward 40%. Sigh.

  19. 19.

    PsiFighter37

    February 4, 2019 at 6:05 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: The perfect epitome of party over country. Thanks, Sweet Lindsey.

  20. 20.

    Josie

    February 4, 2019 at 6:05 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    This is about more than a barrier. This is about us as a party.

    Lindsey is right about this, but I don’t think it means what he thinks it means.

  21. 21.

    debbie

    February 4, 2019 at 6:06 pm

    @Raven:

    That’s happened to me with a piece of salt on a pretzel, a bite of bagel, and a Klondike bar. I’m thinking about baby food for the rest of my life.

  22. 22.

    raven

    February 4, 2019 at 6:07 pm

    @TaMara (HFG): Maybe but there was a piece of metal in the can (that I think got put in there by accident during superbowl party clean up). It’s a bug chunk but I seem to be able to eat by chewing on the other side.

  23. 23.

    NotMax

    February 4, 2019 at 6:08 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist

    it’s about party

    “We’re gonna party like it’s 1499.”

  24. 24.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 4, 2019 at 6:08 pm

    More statesmannery from noted Very Serious Sidekick and Sunday Morning Wiseman Lindsey Graham

    Sam Stein @ samstein
    “He’s going to give Rocket Man a choice: death or condos”

    — Lindsey Graham on Trump’s North Korea policy.

  25. 25.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    February 4, 2019 at 6:09 pm

    @debbie: Pizza and popcorn for me, same tooth on different sides of my mouth. In both cases they had fillings.

  26. 26.

    Dan B

    February 4, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    @Martin: Could you somehow work in a plotline that involves us upper left coast cominterniats who are Snowbound in Seattle? We promise to be wternally grateful with minimal giggling.

  27. 27.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    February 4, 2019 at 6:13 pm

    @Raven: I once had a veneer pop off a front incisor when biting into an apple. I screamed at the Universe, “Even when I try to be healthy you fuck with me!”
    My dentist told me he always cuts into apples with a knife first.

  28. 28.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    February 4, 2019 at 6:13 pm

    @Dan B: I just looked at the Weather Underground radar, they’re showing snow in the mountains around the San Francisco Bay Area.

  29. 29.

    BeautifulPlumage

    February 4, 2019 at 6:14 pm

    Not strep, but I tripped and fell on asphalt Wed and only this am was it determined from the second x-rays that there’s broken bones in my left hand. I also cracked a rib… : (

    Drove through the snow this morning to Seattle & finally have a decent splint and will see specialist next week.

    Feeling old and klutzy

  30. 30.

    C Stars

    February 4, 2019 at 6:17 pm

    @Raven: Try singing that aloud. Sounds like a lyric from a bluegrass song, right?

    Good luck with the tooth!!!

  31. 31.

    Immanentize

    February 4, 2019 at 6:19 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Yes

  32. 32.

    Immanentize

    February 4, 2019 at 6:19 pm

    @Raven: Jeez, the hits keep on coming!

  33. 33.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    February 4, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    O/T: We’ve had 12″ of rain here in Beautiful Downtown Glendale since the first of the year.

  34. 34.

    John Revolta

    February 4, 2019 at 6:25 pm

    @debbie: We have to reappraise the crazification number. 27% just doesn’t reflect modern nutcase conditions.

  35. 35.

    debbie

    February 4, 2019 at 6:26 pm

    @John Revolta:

    It will be like herding butterflies. They are very flighty creatures.

  36. 36.

    NotMax

    February 4, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    @BillinGlendaleCA

    First day in over a week without rain and this afternoon the cacophony of weed whackers and lawn equipment in the neighborhood is practically deafening. Inside, with doors and windows shut.

  37. 37.

    Duane

    February 4, 2019 at 7:13 pm

    @John Revolta: We won’t have to pay Cole’s kidnappers. Wait about a week and they’ll pay us.

  38. 38.

    Emerald

    February 4, 2019 at 7:23 pm

    @debbie:

    “It will be like herding butterflies”

    As of tomorrow, there will be fewer butterflies to herd. The National Butterfly Center is going to be bulldozed for Twitler’s wall, using money already appropriated.

    It will destroy the habitat of not only the butterflies, but of about 400 bird species, ocelots, turtles, and many other animals in the area.

    From what I’ve read, and I fervently hope I’m wrong, they will use a Depression-era law that allows them to just take any land they want, with no legal recourse or compensation. And the SCOTUS has already allowed them to ignore 28 environmental laws that would have stopped them.

    The bulldozers showed up today and the butterfly personnel have been told that they are not allowed onto their own (private) land.

    Native Amerians are protesting, but I think that unless hundreds of people go there and lie down in front of the bulldozers, they will destroy the whole place tomorrow.

    I’m physically ill about it.

  39. 39.

    AnotherBruce

    February 4, 2019 at 7:29 pm

    “They’ll be cut loose”. Don’t mess with Lindsey. You wouldn’t want to know peak Lindsey. He will cut you loosely, you have been warned.

  40. 40.

    Elizabelle

    February 4, 2019 at 7:31 pm

    @Duane:

    We won’t have to pay Cole’s kidnappers. Wait about a week and they’ll pay us.

    Laughing.

  41. 41.

    schrodingers_cat

    February 4, 2019 at 7:36 pm

    @Duane: I would give it a couple of days, max.

  42. 42.

    Duane

    February 4, 2019 at 7:38 pm

    @Emerald: Lindsey Graham admitted wall is now about saving the Trumpov Party. Remember Graham said Trump’s nomination would be a disaster for the party. He was right. Now they’re so desperate they have to continue down this foolish path Trump put them on.
    Shitmidas destroys everything, literally.

  43. 43.

    donnah

    February 4, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    @Emerald:

    I’m heartsick, too. That’s terrible.

  44. 44.

    Kayla Rudbek

    February 4, 2019 at 7:52 pm

    Pissed off as hell at my supervisor again. The man doesn’t have the professional courtesy and/or understanding of logistics to realize that if I sent him work for his approval by Tuesday, he can get it back to me by Thursday or Friday for corrections so I can meet the Monday deadline. Instead he consistently waits until Monday morning to review and return and then doesn’t even have the professional courtesy to put his sign off on record by the deadline time on Monday afternoon when I _have_ made the required corrections and returned the work to him, which messes up my numbers for the pay period. This is the third time in a row which makes it a pattern. I’m about to the point where I want to go over his head and ask to be switched over to a different supervisor (which I think would be possible if somewhat difficult).

  45. 45.

    Mnemosyne

    February 4, 2019 at 8:08 pm

    @John Revolta:

    You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me … Hell, I can get you a toe by three o’clock this afternoon — with nail polish.

  46. 46.

    Josie

    February 4, 2019 at 8:08 pm

    @Elizabelle:

    Sounds like “The Ransom of Red Chief.”

  47. 47.

    BruceFromOhio

    February 4, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    @Martin:

    The 3 buried Cole in a Florida swamp and what we’re really looking at in the pics are a pair of fake legs made out of old Subaru parts, wine wrapper foil, and yellowed, deteriorating comics.

    And mustard. Gotta remember the mustard.

  48. 48.

    sukabi

    February 4, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    @West of the Rockies: hooves, he likely has hooves.

  49. 49.

    Mnemosyne

    February 4, 2019 at 8:10 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    I’ve warned my brother in law and his boyfriend that we will be going to Disneyland while they’re here, rain or shine. ☔️

    Though if we get another flash-flood level deluge predicted that day, I will probably relent. It looks okay for the moment.

  50. 50.

    BruceFromOhio

    February 4, 2019 at 8:10 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Yes, exactly! Thank you!

  51. 51.

    sukabi

    February 4, 2019 at 8:12 pm

    @Kayla Rudbek: can you blind copy his supervisor when you send your work and the revisions?

    Or maybe just CC his supervisor as you’re sending them off.

  52. 52.

    Josie

    February 4, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    @Emerald:

    They are also targeting Bentsen State Park, another fragile ecological site, and La Lomita Mission, a Catholic chapel that is over one hundred years old. It is an abomination.

  53. 53.

    NotMax

    February 4, 2019 at 8:23 pm

    @Josie

    The entire thing is tragic beyond comprehension. Video of a church being bulldozed on Dolt 45’s order would be a powerful statement. Enough to shake some of the benighted awake?

  54. 54.

    Kayla Rudbek

    February 4, 2019 at 8:37 pm

    @sukabi: I can’t do that but the system has records of when I send my work to him for approval and then records if and when he sends it back. I am part of a union so this may be a good thing to bring to my union rep first before I go thermonuclear. They may still want me to try to resolve it with him, but right now I get so angry at him that I think I need a third party to run interference.

  55. 55.

    sukabi

    February 4, 2019 at 8:46 pm

    @Kayla Rudbek: yeah, definitely talk to your union rep, he’s either an inconsiderate sloppy supervisor or he’s delaying your signoffs and therefore affecting your pay for his / companies benefit …

  56. 56.

    J R in WV

    February 4, 2019 at 8:51 pm

    @Raven:

    I just popped a handful of peanuts and broke a tooth in half!

    Last November while in NYC we were eating potato chips, and I broke a molar into shards. Now it has a little metal cap while the new crown is fabricated.

    The rearmost molar, such that the dentist, a wonderful and compassionate guy, actually bruised my cheek while holding my mouth such that he could do his work. It didn’t hurt at the time as my whole face was somewhat numb, but the next day it was a little tender.

    A little sensitive to cold so ice cream needs to be dealt with carefully.

    ETA: Sorry about your broken tooth, I hope it doesn’t hurt badly before you can get it looked after! Sometimes they hurt horribly, other times not so bad… mine didn’t hurt as long as I kept the cold stuff on the other side.

  57. 57.

    Mnemosyne

    February 4, 2019 at 8:51 pm

    @Kayla Rudbek:

    I agree with sukabi— if you’re getting to the point where you’re going to blow up, I would talk to your union rep first. You’re going to want a witness in the room when you try to talk about it.

    Also, make sure to screenshot or print out all of the documentation showing when you sent the work and when he sent it back. You want to have hard facts on your side so he can’t play a “he said she said” game.

  58. 58.

    Mnemosyne

    February 4, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    @J R in WV:

    Next time, ask your dentist if he has a bite blocker for you. It’s a rubber thingy that keeps your mouth open at the right angle so you don’t get a sore jaw and he doesn’t have to try and hold bits out of the way. My dentist has a basic one for stuff like fillings and a heavy-duty one that keeps all the things out of the way when he has to get way in the back.

  59. 59.

    raven

    February 4, 2019 at 9:02 pm

    @J R in WV: Yea, I have the big piece but it doesn’t hurt at all. Of course we made the brilliant decision to drop our dental plan so that it great!

  60. 60.

    NotMax

    February 4, 2019 at 9:08 pm

    @raven

    decision to drop our dental plan

    Ouch.

    Wave to the tax refund as it passes by. ;)

  61. 61.

    Raven

    February 4, 2019 at 9:14 pm

    @NotMax: I did that when the princess booked her trip to London.

  62. 62.

    rikyrah

    February 4, 2019 at 9:45 pm

    @BeautifulPlumage:
    So sorry about your injuries ??

  63. 63.

    dww44

    February 4, 2019 at 10:28 pm

    @donnah: I’m heartsick too. @Emerald: Are there links in the MSM to this story?. I just don’t see how any half way decent American would do this? When it comes to Trump’s wall, neither the means nor the ends are justified.

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