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You are here: Home / Politics / Trumpery / Hail to the Hairpiece / Cold Grey Pre-Dawn Open Thread: The GOP Table-Thumpers

Cold Grey Pre-Dawn Open Thread: The GOP Table-Thumpers

by Anne Laurie|  February 28, 20193:59 am| 21 Comments

This post is in: Hail to the Hairpiece, Open Threads, Republican Stupidity, Republican Venality, Republicans in Disarray!, Assholes, Clown car

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gop: michael cohen is a slimy character who lied and lied and lied, a total scumbag

america: he was trump's personal lawyer and the rnc deputy finance chairman

gop: *throws smoke bomb, runs off into the darkness of night*

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) February 27, 2019

You know the old lawyer joke: When the law is on your side, pound the law. When the facts are on your side, pound the facts. When you’ve got neither — pound the table.

“The disgraced felon and notorious liar I hired as my personal lawyer for years to conduct business for my empire, campaign, and myself will lie to Congress, just like he did when he went to testify in defense of me and …. you know, I forget where I was going with this.”

— EmergenHat (@Popehat) February 26, 2019

Every Republican questioning Cohen is trying to stick to Trump's line of argument and general style which, because he's Trump and his brain is wet Nerf, mostly amounts to going "oh YEAH?" and then just burping up some names that get mentioned on Fox a lot.

— David Roth (@david_j_roth) February 27, 2019

Highlighting some side-show artistes from yesterday’s circus…
Mark ‘FREEDUMB CARCASS’ Meadows!

Meadows brings African American party planner, Lynne Patton, who worked for Trump org (and now runs part of HUD) to refute racism allegations. pic.twitter.com/x22GDtr6H3

— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) February 27, 2019

Mark Meadows brings out HUD official Lynne Patton and says that she says, as a black woman, she'd never work for a racist. Cohen: "Neither should I, as the son of a Holocaust survivor." Cohen says to ask Patton how many black executives are at the Trump Org. "The answer is zero."

— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) February 27, 2019


pic.twitter.com/9RtT9qvjjd

— Julia Ioffe (@juliaioffe) February 27, 2019

So to recap: two (2) people of color had to spend ten (10) minutes comforting one (1) white guy after he was called out for doing something that was racist, after he was about to start crying for doing said racist thing.

Brought to you by America, 2019.

— Julia Ioffe (@juliaioffe) February 27, 2019

Here's Mark Meadows, who just sidetracked the entire House Oversight Committee to assure him he's not racist, saying that "2012 is the time we are going to send Mr. Obama home to Kenya or wherever it is" pic.twitter.com/90L1xnWf6v

— Steve Morris (@stevemorris__) February 27, 2019

House GOP: Turn over the documents!!!
Cohen: Okay.
House GOP: HoW dArE yOu

— Brian Tashman (@briantashman) February 27, 2019

Jim “GYM” Jordan!

Jim Jordan is yelling again- this is not going as well as the GOP hoped

— Nicolle Wallace (@NicolleDWallace) February 27, 2019

It’s a refreshing change to see Jim Jordan abuse an adult

— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) February 27, 2019

Jim Jordan is trying to be who Michael Cohen used to be: Trump's fixer.

— Lawrence O'Donnell (@Lawrence) February 27, 2019

Another OSU wrestler has come forward to say Jim Jordan, currently grilling Michael Cohen in the House Oversight committee hearing, is "sitting here and directly lying" when he claims not to have known university doctor was sexually abusing athletes https://t.co/vLXhO5JmUg

— Amanda Katz (@katzish) February 27, 2019

Paul ‘THE DENTIST’ Gosar!

Rep. Paul Gosar: "You're a pathological liar! You don't know truth from falsehood."

Michael Cohen: "Sir, I'm sorry, are you referring to me or the president?" pic.twitter.com/5PB0y2VMIZ

— Amee Vanderpool (@girlsreallyrule) February 27, 2019

Oh, this is great, we’re going to hear about personal credibility from the guy whose multiple siblings endorsed his opponent and basically disowned him.

— Dana Houle (@DanaHoule) February 27, 2019

Fun-fact: Representative Paul Gosar is the same bloviating f***apotamus who once claimed he could read body language very well because he was once… a dentist. pic.twitter.com/vYcFECp9PB

— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) February 27, 2019

Gosar: you are a pathological liar.
Cohen: are you talking about me or the president?
Gosar: this is my time!

— Laura Rozen (@lrozen) February 27, 2019

Michael Cohen is a barely functional third-rate fixer for a reality-show goon and he's making these GOP congressmen look duuuumb

— Jake Maccoby (@jdmaccoby) February 27, 2019

But very, very BUSY!

Chip Roy, doing the rapid fire staccato questioning of Cohen right now with yes or no questions, was formerly @tedcruz's chief of staff in the Senate.

— James Hohmann (@jameshohmann) February 27, 2019

Chip Roy just got emotional over Democrats focusing on impeachable offenses committed by the president when the real focus should be on demonizing immigrants

— Michael Cohen (@speechboy71) February 27, 2019

I'm old enough to remember when the Republican Party was self-avowedly about personal character and national security. https://t.co/E8JRVusFj0

— Julia Ioffe (@juliaioffe) February 27, 2019

congressional oversight shouldn't be partisan political theater, says jason chaffetz.

i don't have a joke. that's the joke. https://t.co/L3drcJNlG0 pic.twitter.com/RqfXGfJvKL

— Alex Seitz-Wald (@aseitzwald) February 26, 2019

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Reader Interactions

21Comments

  1. 1.

    Jersey Tomato

    February 28, 2019 at 4:10 am

    Shamelessly stealing this from a comment I saw posted elsewhere: There are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris, and not one of them is as sensitive as a white man accused of racism.

  2. 2.

    sukabi

    February 28, 2019 at 4:14 am

    @Jersey Tomato: lol.

  3. 3.

    Jay

    February 28, 2019 at 4:16 am

    Mike Drucker
    ✔
    @MikeDrucker
    Shoutout to Jim Jordan on being shitty enough to make Donald Trump’s ambulance chasing lawyer look like Jimmy Stewart.

    4,008
    8:35 AM – Feb 27, 2019
    Twitter Ads info and privacy

    644 people are talking about this

  4. 4.

    Jay

    February 28, 2019 at 4:20 am

    Ky Krebs ??️‍?
    @kykrebs
    Guys, don’t get freaked out over the mention of a Trump love child in the Cohen hearing. Everyone know it’s not true. Trump isn’t capable of love.

    12
    10:48 AM – Feb 27, 2019
    Twitter Ads info and privacy

  5. 5.

    Jay

    February 28, 2019 at 4:21 am

    Kashana
    ✔
    @kashanacauley
    “Some of my best friends who attend hearings just to prove I’m not racist are black.”

    3,422
    8:40 AM – Feb 27, 2019
    Twitter Ads info and privacy

    387 people are talking about this

  6. 6.

    plato

    February 28, 2019 at 4:31 am

    Michael Cohen is a barely functional third-rate fixer for a reality-show goon and he’s making these GOP congressmen look duuuumb

    Yup. And what a whiny pieces of white trash.

  7. 7.

    plato

    February 28, 2019 at 4:33 am

    @Jersey Tomato: zing. mic drop.

  8. 8.

    Aleta

    February 28, 2019 at 4:37 am

    Yesterday’s faux-biblical sign.
    https://twitter.com/NBCNews/status/1100974091685617666

  9. 9.

    Melusine

    February 28, 2019 at 6:01 am

    @Jersey Tomato: ????

  10. 10.

    Melusine

    February 28, 2019 at 6:17 am

    Listening to Cohen’s repeated description of himself as the “3 am” guy for friends and family, it makes a lot of sense that he wouldn’t want a position in the WH counsel’s office, where he wouldn’t have attorney-client privilege or the same degree of access. He valued seeing himself as the President’s 3 am guy, the one behind the scenes that the President can call when he can’t call anyone else. His own greed and ambition played a big part, definitely, but I think what kept him so loyal to the shitgoblin was that sense of specialness he got from being The Donald’s fixer, the one he depended on. How much did trump make him feel that way, and how much did he delude himself into thinking the orange menace depended on him? That question has to be eating at Cohen.

    Too bad DeNiro’s too old to play him now. Who would make the perfect choice for Cohen in the inevitable film version of this shitshow?

  11. 11.

    Ian R

    February 28, 2019 at 6:21 am

    I think what struck me most in the couple hours of the testimony that I watched is that Cohen actually answered questions. Contrast with every GOP appointee whose testimony we’ve seen in the last couple of years, who each absolutely refused to answer yes or no questions with either “yes” or “no”.

  12. 12.

    CliosFanboy

    February 28, 2019 at 6:56 am

    @Jersey Tomato: you won the thread on the first comment….

  13. 13.

    Princess

    February 28, 2019 at 7:22 am

    @Jay: So they paid off a woman with a “lovechild” and yet there is no child. That’s called paying for her to have an abortion. Did anyone follow up with that question?

  14. 14.

    What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?

    February 28, 2019 at 7:27 am

    @Melusine: Ben Stiller has been doing him on SNL, can be hilarious, and is the right age. Also doesn’t seem to be working all that much these days so should be available.

  15. 15.

    Melusine

    February 28, 2019 at 7:55 am

    @What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?: Shocked to find myself saying this, but Cohen may actually have a hair to much sincerity for Stiller. If it’s a drama.

    I don’t know how they’re ever going to make coherent screenplays out this. You can’t cut from “All the President’s Men” style drama to five minutes of an orangutan and his Large Adult Sons whacking themselves in the nuts with a baseball bat without giving audiences tonal whiplash. No one will believe it actually happened. But it does, every day.

  16. 16.

    low-tech cyclist

    February 28, 2019 at 7:58 am

    Michael Cohen is a barely functional third-rate fixer for a reality-show goon and he’s making these GOP congressmen look duuuumb

    tbf, they’re mostly doing it to themselves

  17. 17.

    (((CassandraLeo)))

    February 28, 2019 at 8:15 am

    @Melusine: Henry Winkler. (He’s very good.) Though Stiller is also a great choice.

  18. 18.

    Luthe

    February 28, 2019 at 9:43 am

    @Aleta: And here I thought yesterday’s faux-biblical sign was me making my bed for the first time in *years* (I am not exaggerating, I never make my bed).

  19. 19.

    Boris, Rasputin's Evil Twin

    February 28, 2019 at 10:15 am

    Regarding Cohen working for and being loyal to a very bad man for many years, I wonder if he identifies with Albert Speer at all?

  20. 20.

    Spinoza Is My Co-Pilot

    February 28, 2019 at 10:31 am

    @Melusine:

    Who would make the perfect choice for Cohen in the inevitable film version of this shitshow?

    As What Have The Romans… mentioned, Ben Stiller would be a good choice, but I’d go with Ray Abruzzo (played “Little” Carmine Lupertazzi on “The Sopranos”) myself.

  21. 21.

    Groucho48

    February 28, 2019 at 2:40 pm

    Now they want to have Cohen charged with perjury for his testimony yesterday.

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