I’ve been in a crappy mood the past week and have just been kind of depressed. There has just been so much shit going on and I have been super unproductive and god damnit I just need some sunshine. 2019 has been a bitch so far.
Dad is home, btw, and doing well. No bows.
Oh, and by the end of the week the web developer will be hired.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
I share your funkdom.
sukabi
Get yourself a daylight lamp for some light therapy and start taking 2000+ more units of vitamin D3. It helps take the edge off.
Glad your Dad’s doing better and is home.
James E Powell
You didn’t really ask, but my advice is to step away from all this bullshit for a couple weeks. I’m sure you have more than one thing you could do instead of staying current on the news, political or otherwise. It will still be here, and it will still be awful, when you return.
trollhattan
Thirded. Our weather has been grey, wet, wet with grey and greyish wetness. The week’s forecast: more of same. And the yard is resplendent with weeds. Great to hear dad’s home and on the mend!
StringOnAStick
I second the Vitamin D, which a large number of people are low on and that is linked to depression. I live in one of the sunniest places in the US and I somehow lost the ability to absorb D3 easily from food so my MD has me on 5,000iu/day with a blood test to check levels once a year; when I was very low I was barely able to get anything done and was just lethargic and bummed out. 2,000iu/day is the official Canadian recommendation for all Canadian citizens, and seems to be a safe level for anyone to use.
D3 is fat soluble, meaning you will store the excess in your body, not flush out the excess every day like with water soluble vitamins like C, the B’s, etc. That storage issue is why taking too much without supervision or a medical reason to is a bad idea and it needs to be monitored by blood tests. Our cousin the internist says if any of his patients complain about being tired then he tests their D level (and other things, as indicated). He says it is such a common problem that it really should be included in everyone’s annual physical’s blood work but insurance often won’t pay for that extra $40 test unless there is an indicator like “patient complains of lack of energy”.
WaterGirl
Your dad looked amazingly good in the photo you shared earlier this week, and now he’s home. He must be doing really well. Go Dad Cole!
Oh, and my favorite Dad Cole video: Oh my god.
Bruuuuce
Good news about your dad. Hoping for more of the same.
We’re looking at 6-10″ of snow coming in to start the work week. “Snow” is DEFINITELY one of those Anglo-Saxon four-letter swear words that are not acceptable in polite company. Bleah
chopper
we finally got some sun here in seattle for a few days but it’s come with cold temps, at least in the morning.
Sister Golden Bear
Sharing your funkdom as well. Yet another gray day — albeit at least we’ve getting (mostly) a break in the rain today and tomorrow.
Lightbox is helping take the edge off, but I still just want to hibernate.
Pogonip
@Bruuuuce: May I ask the general area you’re in? My little corner of the midwest started out with a prediction of 4-8”, now lowered to 1”, so you may also get lucky if you’re east.
Pogonip
Cole, have you seen a doctor about your depressive episodes? If not, consider it
Glad Mr. Cole is home & doing well.
Skepticat
I’m certain Lily would be willing to share a bow or two, which your dad richly deserves.
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
Just keep watching for the little things. Early March is one of my favorite times of the year, even though the weather is so awful, because it’s when I can watch the little inklings of spring coming. One day, it’ll be a spring bird singing outside. The next day, it might be the low shrubs beginning to leaf out. A few days after that, it might be the willow in the neighborhood beginning to put its leaves out. Every other day or so, there’s some new harbinger of spring, and it makes the weather seem bearable.
different-church-lady
Just blame it on February: specifically, February — week 5! I mean, seriously, who gave this month an extension?
SoupCatcher
You had one job…
prostratedragon
Best wishes to Mr. Cole. He did look in the picture as if he’ll make a strong recovery.
debbie
@Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.):
Here, the snowdrops are out and forsythia has begun blooming. Neither are very comforting as I look out the window and see the #@!$ snow falling.
I know spring is coming because it always does, but FFS, enough with this winter!
Ohio Mom
The funk must be going around — I’ve been in one for a couple of weeks now.
Like everyone else, some of my funk is this cold, damp, gray weather. The other part is the abyss every special needs parent finds staring in them in their face during the transition from the security of having your kid in public school to whatever life they eventually are able to settle into as an adult.
There are a lot of variables and most of them can’t be influenced, especially if the funding for the supports they need going to be there.
Still, there is a perverse comfort in knowing I’m not alone in my funk.
different-church-lady
DEAR MR. JOHN COLE OF WEST VIRGINIA:
YOU ARE A WORTHWHILE PERSON. AND THAT IS FAR MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT 99% OF THE POPULATION.
PLEASE TAKE THIS INTO CONSIDERATION DURING YOUR NEXT SELF-EVALUATION SESSION. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION.
Bruuuuce
@Pogonip: I’m in New York City. Our prediction has been increasing steadily, starting at 2-5″, and as of last check, up to 6-10″.
Lapassionara
@Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.): This. I noticed that my maple seems to be getting small buds. I think having more daylight makes the growth start, even if the temps are in the single digits.
geg6
I feel you, Cole. February just sucked, between weather and health issues around my family, too. March is not starting any better as I had some kind of 24-hour intestinal bug Friday that just drained me.
Glad to see your dad is recovering as well as my John. Keep seeing the good little things and soon enough spring will be here.
Gravenstone
I gotcher sunshine. But it’s only 10 fucking degrees here in Tundraland, going down to -10 tonight. So yeah, bring on that Spring thing.
Pogonip
@Bruuuuce: That IS horrible. I hope you luck out like we did.
NotMax
You’ve barely had time to brush off the last of the Miami sand. According to our records, funk isn’t scheduled until after the Ides.
;)
AM in NC
Amen, Brother Cole. I am right there with you. We finally (FINALLY) had some sunshine yesterday, and I got outside and weeded my garden beds for an hour. Made all the difference in the world to my mood. I’m also trying to walk away from my computer more, cook on the weekend so I have good food quickly during the week, and use the Insight Meditation Timer app to make myself sit mindfully every day, even if just for a few minutes. I feel like it’s usually a bunch of little things that combine to lift my funks, rather than one big thing. Although, if anyone is interested in sending me to Italy or Spain, I’m sure that would do it too.
Major Major Major Major
@Bruuuuce: @Pogonip: I’m avoiding the snow with One Weird Trick (leaving for a month)!
MattF
@StringOnAStick: I started taking daily vitamin D (1000 IU) a couple of weeks ago– on the recommendation of a physician– after a blood test showed I was low. NYT article notes that effectiveness of any diet depends on individual factors, like the gut biome. So, I’m hopeful, but who knows?
Bruuuuce
@Major Major Major Major: ::envies you::
sukabi
John, will also note that you’ve had a very, very stressful month+ of things going on. Take some down time and do something to take care of yourself, you’ve been busy taking care of the folks in your life, time for some “me time”.
?
Tom Levenson
Mr. Cole speaks for me.
Blech.
Brachiator
@StringOnAStick:
Millions of Americans take vitamin D. Most should just stop.
https://www.vox.com/2018/10/4/17933880/vitamin-d-health-sun-diet
Miss Bianca
Oh, man, JC, do I hear you! This has just been a shitty, shitty month for me, and it is making me want to bite when it comes to the weather right now. I know we need the moisture, this is Colorado, we always need the moisture, but Jesus Christ I am so fucking sick of snow and cold, no matter how dazzlingly beautiful it makes the landscape. Mud season yesterday because of three straight days of 40 + degree days, just get used to that when WHAM, more snow. Haven’t been able to ride out all winter, which was the only positive thing about the previous warm winter that I can think of.
Aaaargh. Just.want.spring.weather already.
Grumble off now.
ETA: Good news about your dad. Yay!
Brachiator
Great news!
Continued good wishes.
Major Major Major Major
@Brachiator: that article doesn’t seem particularly relevant since the study is about
And in fact the article says, “People with asthma, those who don’t get into the sun at all (like the homebound or institutionalized), or those from ethnic backgrounds with darker skin — African, Afro-Caribbean, and South Asian — may also benefit from a supplement.
Redshift
LOL, I’m imagining you trying to sneak one into him. Maybe some enterprising jackal could photoshop one of Lily’s into his photo for you.
trollhattan
@Gravenstone:
What kind of degrees? If the C kind, not so terrible; if the F kind, well F that!
Ruckus
John, come on man, look around you. You have pets that like you. OK one pet that likes you and several others that tolerate you. That’s pretty cool.
You have a nice house, with a damn willow tree in the back yard. That’s pretty cool.
You have hundreds, or more even, of friends, most of whom you don’t know in meatspace, so you, for the most part, get the best of them and can ignore the worst. That’s pretty cool.
You can ban the worst of the worst of those friends, even if you don’t or refuse to do that. That’s pretty cool.
Sure life sucks some days. But look at it from the other direction, you got life! That’s pretty cool.
You have friends in meat space that actually like you. That’s pretty cool.
You got a pretty nice group of relatives. That’s pretty cool.
Not everyone is as lucky as you to have as decent a life. Give life a break and enjoy what you got. The shit won’t be here forever and you won’t be here to enjoy/hate it for ever either. So live while you can, enjoy while you can, look around and see the good as well as the shit. Pet the pets, go see your dad, life ain’t bad, it just seems like it some days.
WereBear
Cutting edge says take D3 with a K supplement for best results. It’s what I do.
A Ghost To Most
@sukabi: I recommend a 400 watt HPS. It does wonders for lack of sun.
Mnemosyne
I was able to get a Groupon rate on a nice hotel in Pasadena that included breakfast both mornings. I am currently laying in the room’s window seat before we have to check out in 45 minutes.
It’s helping the winter funk.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
maybe this will cheer you up: The only good alligator gif, or meme, or whatever the hell
Major Major Major Major
@Mnemosyne: nice!
NotMax
May be time to institute a new tradition, Twitterless Tuesdays. Step away for a day in order to recharge.
Brachiator
@Major Major Major Major:
RE. that article doesn’t seem particularly relevant
Here’s the bottom line.
The beneficial uses that others are suggesting here are largely fantasies.
Supplements for most people are benign nonsense. Not as bad as anti-vaxxers, but still nonsense and a waste of money.
Mnemosyne
@Brachiator:
From the article:
When they did my blood test, it came back with me having 6 nanograms per milliliter of blood, and I’m a pale-skinned person living in Southern California. So that’s why I am now taking prescription supplements.
NotMax
@Mnemosyne
Phrasing!
:)
Gravenstone
@trollhattan: F. I don’t speak of C outside of work if I don’t have to.
Mnemosyne
@WereBear:
One of my doctors just prescribed that. I think the K is coming in the mail next week.
And she also prescribed her preferred type of magnesium for migraines since those are becoming bothersome.
Major Major Major Major
@Brachiator: @Mnemosyne: I don’t really have a horse in this race, but the article clearly says that there are populations who benefit, and I didn’t think just quoting the headline was helpful.
FWIW I recently tested something less than 20, and started taking a 1000iu supplement, so far it has just made my pee a different color.
Mnemosyne
@Major Major Major Major:
It’s pretty sweet, and all for a little under $400 including tax. February and March seem to be the low season for So Cal hotels, so they run specials and Groupons.
FlyingToaster
I hear you on the funk. Mostly it’s being so fucking tired of idiots being in charge; the next asshole who criticizes one of my life decisions (side-eye at siblings and Mom) is going to need an otolaryngologist to repair their eardrums.
I am gearing up for tonight’s snow; chances are we won’t have school tomorrow, which means that the donated food I normally drive to [redacted] is going to have to wait. The school’s driveway won’t be cleared by 8am, so the building won’t open, so none of the food can be dropped off. Hopefully, everyone can use God’s Freezer to keep it until Tuesday.
Wapiti
@Brachiator: From your link: “About 80 to 90 percent of vitamin D comes from sunlight, and even 15 minutes in the midday will boost vitamin D levels to a good level.”
I think a lot of people don’t get that 15 minutes. Wintertime in Seattle means going to work and coming home in the dark.
Mnemosyne
@Major Major Major Major:
My asthma has been worse for the past year or so, so hopefully getting my D levels back up to normal can help.
They probably dipped to an unusually low level because of my ferkakte knee injury that kept me indoors a lot through most of 2018.
debbie
@Brachiator:
D won’t prevent fractures, but it will help with calcium absorption, which will help strengthen bones, which will lessen the risk of fractures. My rheumatologist is still pro-D.
Brachiator
@Mnemosyne:
I will presume that your doctor could explain why you were not able to get enough vitamin D from food and sunshine.
Your Pasadena relaxation day sounds fun.
raven
@Ruckus: fuckin a
Suzanne
I hear you. I am also feeling funk-y.
It is already 70 degrees today and I am sweating. Everything is blooming. My sinuses are killing me.
Feeling low-level pain/unwellness constantly is not having a good effect on my mood or relationships.
Mnemosyne
@Brachiator:
I don’t eat a lot of dairy because it messes with my digestion, and I was hobbled by my knee injury for most of 2018, so I wasn’t going outside as much as I normally would. The combination of the two seems to explain it pretty well.
The Groupon advertised it as a “super secret 4-star hotel,” but I took one look at the pictures and realized it was the Westin. We’ve stayed here before with a winter deal, and I’ve attended conferences here, so it was unmistakable.
Another Scott
I know the feeling, JC. I can’t wait for DST to start on March 10.
Seeing the $15/hr minimum wage continuing to be in the news (e.g. in Maryland), I was reminded of that Gravity Payments guy who set his company minimum wage at $70k.
How’s it going now (August 2018)?:
Good, good.
Cheers,
Scott.
Martin
Daughter is back in the hospital after another suicide attempt. She’s actually doing okay. There was no real risk to the attempt (dad is smart enough to know the LD50 dosage of all of the meds in the house and only leave small enough quantities around, and daughter is whip-smart but not so determined to do that math) but it’s an attempt nevertheless. Most of the problem is her relationship with her mom, which takes an unhealthy codependence turn when I’m at work. But I think Ms Martin has finally woken up to the problem and agreed to the steps needed to get it fixed (which of course I’m a contributing factor of as well). I’m hopeful.
Daughters observation at visiting hours last night was that she developed a good metric for who to avoid in the behavioral health unit – the bigger the Trump supporter they are, the legitimately more delusional they are. She says it’s seriously frightening how deeply these people who have a very tenuous grip on reality have bought into him.
Mnemosyne
@Brachiator:
Also, too, as I understand it, the current supplements are meant to boost me back up to a normal level, and then I’m supposed to try and maintain that with dairy and 15 minutes of sunlight after that.
Brachiator
@Major Major Major Major:
That’s why I also provided the link.
The supplement industry is largely snake oil.
A lot of folks want for supplements to work, and doctors will even recommend them because their use is often benign. And yeah as we get deeper into old fartdom, supplements may start to become necessary.
But for most folks, they could rely on the headline and have a nice day.
Dorothy A. Winsor
@Martin: I’m so sorry. Parenting is hard. Apparently daughtering is too.
raven
@Martin: See now some people have REAL problems instead of all this “it’s cloudy” bullshit.
Mnemosyne
@Martin:
Ugh. I hope you’re able to find a skilled family therapist who can help all of you create a better and healthier dynamic. Having both parents on board for therapy and willing to do their share of the work will go a long way.
zhena gogolia
Guy just called and asked for me by name, and asked if I thought Trump was doing a better job running the country than Obama. I laughed harder than I did at the SNL sketch. He hung up on me pretty quickly.
WaterGirl
@Another Scott: You story really warms my heart. Thanks for posting it.
Suzanne
@Martin: Hugs. Was just there with Spawn the Elder a couple of weeks ago. It’s hard and it sucks. You and yours are in my thoughts.
NotMax
@zhena gogolia
Heh.
Brachiator
@Mnemosyne:
Hope you got a good opportunity to refresh.
WereBear
@Mnemosyne: Whatever works for migraines is worth trying. Good luck!
Chelated magnesium helps my sleep and my cold tolerance. Which I need ?
Another Scott
@Martin: I’m glad you were able to realize the dangers and reduce the risks. Even with that, I’m sure you’re all going through a lot of stress and anxiety now.
Hang in there. It will get better. Good luck!
Best wishes,
Scott.
Mnemosyne
@Brachiator:
There is pretty good scientific evidence that magnesium helps prevent and relieve migraines, though there’s some debate about whether supplements or dietary sources are better for prevention:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/26752497/?i=2&from=/25533715/related
satby
The struggle against the funk is real. SAD only hits me in February and early March, I feel exponentially better when we get the occasional sunny day. In spite of what @Brachiator: linked to, I feel a bit better with a D supplement including K, and a supplement of vitamin B complex. And going and volunteering somewhere, because it helps remind me my problems aren’t so bad.
Glad your dad is recovering well.
Lapassionara
@Martin: how very sad. Keep us posted.
WaterGirl
@Martin: I’m glad your daughter is safe. Family relationships are hard.
Dorothy A. Winsor
@zhena gogolia: Better job than Obama? That’s such a weird way to put it. All of them, but Trump in particular, are obsessed with Obama.
Brachiator
@Martin:
So sorry to hear about this.
I hope you can find all the help and support you need.
Peace.
Gravenstone
@Martin: I’m sorry that your family is dealing with such difficult challenges. My sister’s first , and closest to successful suicide attempts involved taking all of her anti-epileptic med and one of our mother’s heart meds. That she chose the diuretic rather than the lanoxin saved her life. We’ll never know if that was a conscious choice or happenstance.
WaterGirl
@Another Scott: Even if the reality of the situation is okay, ie. everyone is safe for now, the “what if”s can be devastating after the fact.
edit: not thinking I’m telling you something you don’t know, just piggy backing on your comment with the thought I had after reading yours.
satby
@Martin: it’s so fucking hard to be a teen, or to be the parent of a teen. That had to be gut-wrenching. Sympathy. Hoping you’re all on the path to better tomorrows because of this episode.
Gelfling545
Spring must be nigh. Flora wanted her long walk 3 mornings in a row now instead of her usual winter quick out and back.
geg6
The predicted snow is here and seems to be less than expected so far. But it’s not supposed to stop until late night, so who knows what we’ll eventually get. I’m so sick of this shit.
@Martin:
My thoughts are with all of you. Being a teenage girl sucks. I was so much happier when that time of life was over.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
@Martin: @Suzanne:
Both of you and yours are in my thoughts. It’s very hard and it totally sucks when someone you care about is in that kind of danger. I have a good friend from my NAMI days who texts me on the anniversary of his attempt each year “I’m glad you’re my friend.” I cry every year. And I know you both understand this but the illness component is so often overlooked by the public that I want to scream.
People die from these illnesses. Some take a slow motion approach, like Townes Van Zandt, who would be 75 in a few days had he lived through his years of self medicating. Many others are more direct, like David Foster Wallace, who ended his life at 46 even as many people thought he had everything as a MacArthur fellow, beloved husband and professor and considered to be one of the most influential authors of his generation.
Because sometimes they simply get too tired.
So jackals, please be gentle with people who may simply call it the blues. It ain’t zippity doo dah for them.
WaterGirl
@Gelfling545: My dogs are wanting to spend a lot more time just hanging out in the yard, and today my tropical hibiscus (that’s inside for the winter) got its first bloom.
Major Major Major Major
@Martin: ugh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Hugs.
MisterForkbeard
@Martin: And here I was going to complain because my 4 year old is addicted to watching me play Pokemon Let’s Go (I let her catch the pokemon with the Pokeball controller) and because she’s super picky and won’t eat most fruits or veggies right now.
Glad you’re seeing progress on with your daughter- that sounds awful. :(
Miss Bianca
@Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho: So true. My heart goes out to those jackals who are living that particular nightmare right now. Went thru it at one end as a teen – can’t imagine going thru it as a parent.
WhatsMyNym
Vitamin D – NIH Fact Sheet for Health Professionals
TLDR: there are many groups of folks that Vitamin D supplements are recommended for (especially among the oldsters here), ask your primary care provider if you have specific questions.
Ruckus
@Mnemosyne:
As I’ve said it works for me. MgO and B2. The number of attacks has gone down from several a month to maybe one every 5-6 weeks. And I’ve had one severe migraine the last 24 months. It’s not perfect but it works damn good.
J R in WV
Yikes, Martin, and Suzanne, so sorry for your family problems! Wishing you all the best of luck getting things straightened out.
I’m just dealing with routine maintenance issues, need to replace a smoke detector in the basement that’s chirping, fix/replace the pump controller, boring tedious routine stuff.
Glad to hear the site developer will be going to town soon, thanks for that news, JGC, you take it easy, relax, chill as much as you can. Things will get better, really!
debbie
@Martin:
I am so glad for you that she’s here and able to complain about the other patients. I hope you all can find your ways out of this. I wish there were easy answers for this.
lurker dean
@Martin: darn, all the best to you, your daughter, and family.
debbie
@Mnemosyne:
I must say, I’m taking calcium and magnesium for osteoporosis and I’ve had maybe one headache over the past several years that wasn’t cold-related. You just might be right. I used to go through tylenol like candy.
schrodingers_cat
@Mnemosyne: What about yogurt? Yogurt that you set yourself with live cultures is gentler on the stomach than say milk.
Haroldo
On a lighter note, it’s decidedly the case that Clinton and Parliament want that funk:
I believe there’s a whole lotta rhythm goin’ down…..
Ruckus
@Dorothy A. Winsor:
They know he is smarter and far more competent than their useless asses. And he’s black. And a democrat. He makes them look like shit by just being alive. And not only do they know it, so do all their followers. And that is what pisses them off so bad about President Obama, not only do they know it but they know that enough of the public knows it. They have played their last hand. And the general public knows it.
Yutsano
And with the official diagnosis of rhabdomyolysis my hospital adventure will end. But the very next step after is some in-patient rehab for a week or two then back into filing season.
But post rabo I feel…pretty good now
Like…better than in years.
Martin
Thanks all. Appreciate all the good thoughts.
It’s not terribly stressful for me. I’ve been working with college students for decades, so I’m quite experienced with this kind of thing. I know what to worry about and what not to. I’ve seen first hand the cases that intervention was too late (twice being the first to arrive), and the massively larger number of cases where it was in time. This was a situation where I disagreed with her psychiatrist as the attempt was a week ago, the circumstances around it were very specific and have been addressed long-term. In the last week she’s been making positive plans for the future, things she was genuinely looking forward to. Suicidal people don’t do that. I think this was a CYA move on the psychiatrists part, to be honest. It doesn’t help her treatment, makes aspects of it worse, but doesn’t increase her safety either. The one benefit is that it does allow them to adjust her meds more rapidly, which I agreed needed to happen, so that’s what we’re focusing on. She’s seen her therapist twice since the incident and her therapist agreed that she was in no danger. We’re trying to get her in tomorrow to see her therapist we can keep that previous momentum going.
I’m a little pissed at the doctors and had the patients rights advocates file complaints against both of them. This system is bad. There are too few doctors to have enough slack in the system to redirect resources when patients need them, so the 5150 to a hospital is seen as the only responsible action. I wouldn’t mind more aggressive 5150s but the hospitals themselves are under-equipped. Not enough beds, and as a result they end up putting all patients together. A depressed teenage girl with social anxiety and anxiety due to feelings of loss of control is not going to get better put in a ward against her will where half the patients are delusional and the other half act out violently. What on earth is she going to talk about in group in that situation? Depression is not in the same category of behavioral health problems as psychosis. You don’t treat them even remotely similarly, and the depressed patient isn’t well served by being near the psychotic patient.
I spent half of Friday fighting to get her into the best facility in the area, which we did, but it’s a Catholic hospital. She’s an atheist, and while the Catholics are less likely to see atheism as a moral failing relative to certain protestant sects, they still really want to pray for her and read her bible verses. Sick or well, my daughters ‘fuck off with that shit’ face is unmistakable, which I’m not sure is helping her get out of there faster. I have my issues with the doctor. I don’t disagree with his decisions, but his approach is unhelpful. More than anything my daughter needs to feel like she’s being listened to and not treated like an invalid, and he doesn’t seem to have that in him. The nurses have been great though, which pleases me as my aunt is a nurse elsewhere in that hospital.
This is not a dig on any of the facilities, but on the overall state of behavioral health in this country. The practitioners on the ground are doing their best – I don’t dispute that, but the overall structure of the system is so busted that they can’t help but fail a huge fraction of the people that need help. I’m watching her psychiatrist juggling patients and crises and wanting nothing more than for me to go along and get my daughter into a facility as quickly as possible to get our of here hair, and here I am, speaking sympathetically to her and what’s she’s seeing yet also being this immovable object until my daughter feels like she’s been heard, that our concerns about the choice of facility are taken care of, and even my concerns about her transportation are dealt with. The security guard and ambulance staff sat there for 4 hours until I gave the go ahead, after I felt like the patients rights staff had time to swing into action, until I was convinced that we weren’t letting problems go unaddressed, and that my daughter and I had been heard. I know it created problems for everyone else, and explained to everyone that I know they are doing the thing they are supposed to be doing, and are doing it well, but we have a right to do our thing well also.
So, she’ll be fine. Parenting is hard. The hardest part is learning to let go and trust them to know what’s best for themselves. Ms Martin has really been struggling with that. She worries so much and tends to be overprotective, and that causes conflict. Spousing right now is frankly harder, but everyone is doing what they feel is best, and that gives us a lot to work with. There no malice or neglect here. But I agree that daughtering is hard. We’ve created a pretty shitty environment for young people. Epic amounts of stress around basic questions of survivability and independence, affording a place to live, etc. Neglect for some really serious problems that they know full well they’re going to have to pay for from wars/debt to climate change. And elevation of a pack of criminals to oversee the whole system. I’d be pretty fucking despondent myself.
Steeplejack
@AM in NC:
Meditation timers: I used to use the Insight one but stopped when an upgrade started making you log in every time and included information about who else was meditating around the world. Ugh. Do not want. (Pretty sure it was Insight; sorry if I’m maligning them.)
Anyway, I found a good alternative on YouTube: Wide Open Road Wellness timers. Three tasteful tings to start, silence, three tasteful tings at the end. I use the 20-minute one, but they have them for 5, 10, 15, 30, 45 and 60 minutes as well.
Note: Depending on your device (phone or tablet), you might need to leave the browser (or YouTube) app open and visible. If I turn off the screen on my phone, the app pauses indefinitely.
ETA: This comment is not meant to get you to change. I hope it’s informative for others who might be looking. It took me a while to find a timer that didn’t have a bunch of unnecessary junk attached.
Ruckus
@Martin:
It’s been this way for a very long time. I volunteered in a mental health clinic 50 yrs ago and we all gave it our best but just the number of professionals and beds was not enough then. I still remember a call I got, I talked to a lady for about 45 minutes. She was calm and rational but had seemingly made up her mind. At the end of the call the woman I was on duty with, as I sat there totally drained, feeling like a total failure, told me you gave her 45 minutes, that might just be what she needed to get through. That 45 minutes was the best that could be done for her? Yes getting calls traced was for all intents impossible, took a court order and the police to make it happen and then took 45 minutes to 2 hours to accomplish. We went through 6 months of training, which was good but really not enough and I could give her 45 minutes and that was good? I didn’t know then and I’ll never know and neither will anyone else.
Martin, good luck to your daughter, may she find the peace in her life that she’s looking for. And good luck to you and your wife in helping her. Parenting is hard and so is being a teen. Few of us do either as well as we’d like.
Steeplejack
@Brachiator:
Thank you for your cherry-picked article, which focused solely on “whether vitamin D supplementation prevents cancer and cardiovascular disease among older men and women” and said nothing about depression or mood.
Ruckus
@NotMax:
Or follow Paul Bronks @ SlenderSherbet as @Jim, Foolish Literalist: seems to. I hadn’t visited in a while and it’s amazing what some animal gifs and a bit of comedy commenting can do for you.
zhena gogolia
@Yutsano:
That’s great — I hope the improvement continues!
@Martin:
All best wishes to you and your family.
Omnes Omnibus
@Martin: Good wishes for your family headed your way.
NotMax
@Ruckus
To each his or her own. I escape into 1930s and 1940s B movies on Amazon Prime. Like putting on a pair of tattered but still comfortable slippers. Mostly listen while puttering around doing other stuff rather than just sit and watch.
debbie
@Martin:
Kind of sad to see the hard-headedness of the system hasn’t changed since I was in college (about a billion years ago, it feels like).
satby
@Yutsano: glad they got a diagnosis and a treatment that helped! In-patient rehab? Is there concern that you may have a recurrence?
satby
@NotMax: I just tried to see what was on TCM via Sling and got “Content not available”. But if I want to watch California Suite in about an hour it’s all good.
Off to try to look up what Sling is depriving me of.
Mnemosyne
@Brachiator:
It was pretty nice. G is on the verge of accepting a cool job that I can’t talk about yet, so it was nice for us to have a little downtime to relax. The rain actually made it better since we felt no pressure to go out and do stuff.
@Ruckus:
I just got my magnesium today, so we’ll see how it goes. My migraines can be triggered by my asthma, so it’s actually helpful to see that the vitamin D should help with the asthma side.
@schrodingers_cat:
The lactose is what’s problematic, so I can usually eat Greek yogurt without a problem. It’s more that I’m not a huge yogurt fan, so eating it every day gets boring after a while. I probably just need to suck it up and do it, though.
Mnemosyne
@Steeplejack:
To be fair to Brachiator, a lot of people are pushing vitamin D as the One True Cure-All right now. There’s a lot it can do, and a lot of odd effects that can happen if your levels are too low, but it’s probably something Cole should have his doctor test him for rather than just randomly supplementing.
The Midnight Lurker
So it’s sunshine and warmth you want?
Wait.
Ruckus
@Mnemosyne:
I’ve eliminated all my known triggers. I still get migraines. The last 4 or so years have been the most consistent stretch in my life and therefore the worst until the MgO/B2 was started. Now it’s just a major annoyance that rears it’s ugly head every 5-6 weeks. I had the worst migraine in a number of years last week, although I’ve been free and clear for weeks. The MgO and B2 work for me most of the time. It’s not a perfect answer but it is better by far.
enplaned
I share your pain and mean that utterly without snark.
planetjanet
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Paul Bronks always lightens up my day.
Singing Truth to Power
Sunshine in Madison Wisconsin today, and I don’t even care that it’s 12 degrees. The forecast calls for 32 degrees by the end of the week. I may change into shorts.
Denali
@Martin,
Thank you for sharing. Indeed, parenting is hard. As a parent of a daughter with mental health issues, I know what a challenge maintaining a relationship can be. Your patience and perception at a frightening time must give a lot of strength to your daughter.
schrodingers_cat
@Mnemosyne: I make yogurt smoothies with mango, strawberry, apples. Also salty and spicy lassi. Greek yogurt with fruit and nuts with a tiny bit of lemon curd added for sweetness. Its my power snack before a workout.