Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

You know it’s bad when the Project 2025 people have to create training videos on “How To Be Normal”.

This is dead girl, live boy, a goat, two wetsuits and a dildo territory.  oh, and pink furry handcuffs.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

Museums are not America’s attic for its racist shit.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Boeing: repeatedly making the case for high speed rail.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

No Kings: Americans standing in the way of bad history saying “Oh, Fuck No!”

If you still can’t see these things even now, maybe politics isn’t your forte and you should stop writing about it.

The low info voters probably won’t even notice or remember by their next lap around the goldfish bowl.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

Donald Trump found guilty as fuck – May 30, 2024!

He really is that stupid.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Everybody saw this coming.

The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Late Night ‘Dirty Weekend’ Open Thread: Robotic Assistance

Late Night ‘Dirty Weekend’ Open Thread: Robotic Assistance

by | 68 Comments

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The replies to these tweets (click on the tweet to read them) are hilarious, if gross.

(And, needless to say, extremely NSFW.)

Because we’re all nerds here…

Reader Interactions

68Comments

  2. 2.

    jeffreyw

    It killed seven volunteers before they fixed the “won’t shut off till it gets 4 quarts” legacy code bug from the automatic milking machine software.

  3. 3.

    donnah

    If you build it, they will come…

    (I stole this from another tweet because it’s hilarious.)

  4. 4.

    Starfish

    Feedly is now suggesting topics for various RSS posts. For the most part, it has decided that a lot of Balloon Juice is about “Peak Oil.” However, it decided that this post might be about “Relationships.”

  9. 9.

    Barbara

    This could be the vending machine option at a brothel. Sort of like slots at the casino, when you don’t have time or don’t want the interaction.

  11. 11.

    Amir Khalid

    Just the thing every gents’ room needs: a coin-operated wanker! No more need to use your own hand! A fortune awaits the intrepid businessman. I propose a slogan contest for this delightful device.

  13. 13.

    jl

    I don’t want to watch. Just someone assure me that there is more than one sensor monitoring the angle of attack.

    Heard some news about a unisex birth control pill. Man or woman can take it, Apparently targets something on the little wrigglers so they can’t fertilize the egg (euphemism alert, blog spell check doesn’t seem to recognize the scientific jargon so I wonder if it is a forbidden word).

  16. 16.

    Matt McIrvin

    Remember, Robocop was a person–the real robot in that story was ED-209, and he wasn’t very impressive…

  17. 17.

    gene108

    Read Adam’s thread below. I have heard of the Young Turks, but pay no attention to them. I had no idea a group called “Justice Dems” even existed, until a minute ago.

    They may have a good Twitter, Facebook, YouTube game, but I am not sure how many flesh and blood Democrats even know they exist.

  20. 20.

    Dan B

    Praise the FSM! Something we can’t blame on Wilmer!!

    On second thought…

    And I loved the comment that had a guy at a large lecturn with a photo of Maggie Thatcher on the front, of the lecturn, not the guy! You preverts!!

  25. 25.

    CaseyL

    I laughed and laughed and —

    Wait, wait. This is for people who are “reluctant to masturbate in a hospital setting” but assumes that those same people are A-OK sticking their dicks into a robot orifice??

    Does not compute.

  26. 26.

    Wag

    @Jay:

    So
    The JD supported 79 candidates in the 2018 election, and seven of them won! Sounds like a means to assure permanent GOP rule to me

  27. 27.

    dmsilev

    @Amir Khalid:

    Just the thing every gents’ room needs: a coin-operated wanker! No more need to use your own hand! A fortune awaits the intrepid businessman. I propose a slogan contest for this delightful device.

    See, here’s the business pitch. The company doesn’t operate the machines itself, instead it provides an app platform for linking potential customers with nearby available automatic jerkoff robots. It’s like Uber, but for automatic jerkoff robots. Actually, come to think of it, exactly like Uber.

  29. 29.

    Jay

    @Wag:

    They are a year old, took in almost $2 mill, and 95% of that was “profit”.

    They are positioning themselves to be like AIPAC and the NRA, a very expensive group to run against. Spoilers, not makers.

  31. 31.

    jl

    Since open thread, and I am curious about other opinions. Suppose Trump does get away with his illegal and idiot idea of busing asylum seeking families to Los Angeles and San Francisco. So, these asylum seekers, mostly working age people or families will be kicked off a bus around, say, I dunno, the Cow Palace in SF. They got a court date coming up in Arizona and Texas. What’s going to happen?

    Are they going to sit around and worry about it? Start heading back to border areas so they can make the court date (with what money?). I’d bet a horde of labor contractors will be parked around the corner with paying jobs in construction up in wine country and around Chico (huge construction labor shortage right now due to wildfires). Agricultural contractors will come in from Central Valley for spring pruning and other work. The contractors will have some money with them.

    Are the evil rulers of the California sanctuary cities going to stupid enough to spend money to keep them penned up, or will they say, WTF? And get out of the way of capitalist enterprise? Would Trump come back and try to penalize state and cities for people that are legally not their concern who were illegally dumped there by feds?

    I wonder if Trump can blunder his way into getting this BS done through his bogus emergency? And I wonder if will ease labor shortage in California, and solve some asylum seekers’ problems one way or another.

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  32. 32.

    Dan B

    @jl: Good one! How about Acme Auto-Squirt? I’m not sure what a logo for Dik-Fil-A would look like but I think a choking chicken would be pretty bad.

  33. 33.

    jl

    Anyway, I, for one Californian, am horrified by Trump’s fiendish plan to dump a bunch of people in my region, most of whom are willing and able to work, the governing officials of which have to concern about, and with some really big labor shortages between one and three hours away.

    Excuse me, I am so scared I have to go piss now.

    Please please don’t do it Mr. President Trump. I am so sorry I voted against you. Please please please. Owwwiee owwiee owwie. Pleeeaaassse don’t!

  35. 35.

    jl

    @Dan B: Well, um… I just looked up the logo. Has some promise. An artistic sort of person could do something with it.

  36. 36.

    jl

    @Dan B: Unless Mayor Breed or Newsom are dumb enough to get in the way, any refugee willing and able to work will be on a good paying job within a few days. Of course there is a problem with abuse of undocumented immigrants, but that is a pre-existing issue. And with a labor shortage, that is a good incentive for bosses not to do that. Probably better than their kids being locked up in cages or the whole family being sent to a concentration camp.

  37. 37.

    Uncle Cosmo

    And the name on the patent application is – [opens envelope] –

    C. U. Bin-Jakinoff!

  41. 41.

    khead

    POTUS: We are going to send all the immigrants to sanctuary cities.
    Sanctuary cities: Ok.
    GOP base: We are OWNING the libs!

  42. 42.

    plato

    When I was a child, it was Japanese Americans who were villified as the enemy after Pearl Harbor. No one stood up for us, and 120,000 of us were sent to internment camps. I swore that I'd dedicate my life to ensure this never happens again in America. #IStandWithIlhanOmar— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) April 13, 2019

    It has been a fucking racist country since day one with trumpturd as its shining example.

  43. 43.

    jl

    @khead: Are you in California? Northern California? Seriously, if most of these people can work , and we can get them to the jobs just a couple of hours drive north and east of SF Bay Area (one way or another, wink wink nudge nudge), it would a serious economic blessing right now.

  45. 45.

    Ohio Mom

    Anne Laurie, if you are reading this thread, I’d love to hear from you what the memorial service for efg was like.

    Gin & Tonic gave a short description a couple of threads ago — he said you gave a very fitting speech.

    I’m guessing I’m not the only Juicer who feels comforted by knowing we had an official representative there.

    I won’t reading any replies tonight, it’s already past my bedtime. But I’ll check tomorrow morning.

  49. 49.

    Matt McIrvin

    @gene108: They’re currently riding on their association with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who is their one and, I think, only great success story. But she’s way, way more famous and, as far as I can tell, much smarter than they are.

  54. 54.

    Jay

    @Matt McIrvin:

    Yup, and she’s been smart enough to ignore them.

    The JD’s are running off the social media base they built during Dolt 43.

    There’s a bunch of people who’s online blew up their egos, on both sides of the fence.

    Our Blogfather became a better person, others, not so much.

  55. 55.

    MobiusKlein

    Will I get fired if I read this twitter on work VPN?

    They asked me to work on the weekend, so I guess they better shut up about it, if they know what’s good for them.

  58. 58.

    LivinginExile

    If you have an erection lasting more than four hours don’t call your doctor, replace the fuse.

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