• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

You know it’s bad when the Project 2025 people have to create training videos on “How To Be Normal”.

This is dead girl, live boy, a goat, two wetsuits and a dildo territory.  oh, and pink furry handcuffs.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

Museums are not America’s attic for its racist shit.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

Boeing: repeatedly making the case for high speed rail.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

No Kings: Americans standing in the way of bad history saying “Oh, Fuck No!”

If you still can’t see these things even now, maybe politics isn’t your forte and you should stop writing about it.

The low info voters probably won’t even notice or remember by their next lap around the goldfish bowl.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

Donald Trump found guilty as fuck – May 30, 2024!

He really is that stupid.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Everybody saw this coming.

The snowflake in chief appeared visibly frustrated when questioned by a reporter about egg prices.

Mobile Menu

  • Seattle Meet-up Post
  • 2025 Activism
  • Targeted Political Fundraising
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • COVID-19
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • 2025 Activism
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • Targeted Fundraising!
You are here: Home / Open Threads / Late Night ‘Dirty Weekend’ Open Thread: Robotic Assistance

Late Night ‘Dirty Weekend’ Open Thread: Robotic Assistance

by Anne Laurie|  April 13, 201910:01 pm| 68 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, All we want is life beyond the thunderdome, Ever Get The Feeling You've Been Cheated?

FacebookTweetEmail

What we wanted: Rosie, R. Daneel Olivaw, Robby, Wall-E, Robocop

What we got:https://t.co/bWPROVpVIe

— YachtCocainePopehat (@Popehat) April 10, 2019

The replies to these tweets (click on the tweet to read them) are hilarious, if gross.

(And, needless to say, extremely NSFW.)

I bet you a dollar if you put one of those into a busy men's restroom, it would be used. Oh yes it would.

— Mistress Matisse (@mistressmatisse) April 9, 2019

Because we’re all nerds here…

I am excited for the next series of Doctor Who and how this next generation of Daleks interact with the world

— Prune Tracy (@IgnitionJReilly) April 9, 2019

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « Hey @aravosis! Check This Out!
Next Post: Another Good Lily Checkup »

Reader Interactions

68Comments

  1. 1.

    piratedan

    April 13, 2019 at 10:31 pm

    brings a whole new meaning to Stand and Deliver imho….

  2. 2.

    jeffreyw

    April 13, 2019 at 10:32 pm

    It killed seven volunteers before they fixed the “won’t shut off till it gets 4 quarts” legacy code bug from the automatic milking machine software.

  3. 3.

    donnah

    April 13, 2019 at 10:33 pm

    If you build it, they will come…

    (I stole this from another tweet because it’s hilarious.)

  4. 4.

    Starfish

    April 13, 2019 at 10:37 pm

    Feedly is now suggesting topics for various RSS posts. For the most part, it has decided that a lot of Balloon Juice is about “Peak Oil.” However, it decided that this post might be about “Relationships.”

  5. 5.

    plato

    April 13, 2019 at 10:38 pm

    Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?

  6. 6.

    plato

    April 13, 2019 at 10:38 pm

    Nice to know that somewhere out there is a truly sensitive man. pic.twitter.com/in0wFLcFGp— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 13, 2019

  7. 7.

    Jay

    April 13, 2019 at 10:40 pm

    Best Twitterback on that, IMHO was:

    EXSPERMINATE! EXSPERMINATE!

  8. 8.

    Adam L Silverman

    April 13, 2019 at 10:40 pm

    @jeffreyw:

  9. 9.

    Barbara

    April 13, 2019 at 10:42 pm

    This could be the vending machine option at a brothel. Sort of like slots at the casino, when you don’t have time or don’t want the interaction.

  10. 10.

    Wag

    April 13, 2019 at 10:42 pm

    Best. Tweet. Ever.

  11. 11.

    Amir Khalid

    April 13, 2019 at 10:42 pm

    Just the thing every gents’ room needs: a coin-operated wanker! No more need to use your own hand! A fortune awaits the intrepid businessman. I propose a slogan contest for this delightful device.

  12. 12.

    Major Major Major Major

    April 13, 2019 at 10:42 pm

    Gahhhhh

  13. 13.

    jl

    April 13, 2019 at 10:45 pm

    I don’t want to watch. Just someone assure me that there is more than one sensor monitoring the angle of attack.

    Heard some news about a unisex birth control pill. Man or woman can take it, Apparently targets something on the little wrigglers so they can’t fertilize the egg (euphemism alert, blog spell check doesn’t seem to recognize the scientific jargon so I wonder if it is a forbidden word).

  14. 14.

    plato

    April 13, 2019 at 10:45 pm

    @Amir Khalid: come and play?

  15. 15.

    Wag

    April 13, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    @Amir Khalid:
    Cum as you are.

  16. 16.

    Matt McIrvin

    April 13, 2019 at 10:48 pm

    Remember, Robocop was a person–the real robot in that story was ED-209, and he wasn’t very impressive…

  17. 17.

    gene108

    April 13, 2019 at 10:48 pm

    Read Adam’s thread below. I have heard of the Young Turks, but pay no attention to them. I had no idea a group called “Justice Dems” even existed, until a minute ago.

    They may have a good Twitter, Facebook, YouTube game, but I am not sure how many flesh and blood Democrats even know they exist.

  18. 18.

    Jerzy Russian

    April 13, 2019 at 10:50 pm

    Build it and they will come.

  19. 19.

    Keith P.

    April 13, 2019 at 10:52 pm

    The product’s name is “R2D2’s Night in the Barrel”

  20. 20.

    Dan B

    April 13, 2019 at 10:53 pm

    Praise the FSM! Something we can’t blame on Wilmer!!

    On second thought…

    And I loved the comment that had a guy at a large lecturn with a photo of Maggie Thatcher on the front, of the lecturn, not the guy! You preverts!!

  21. 21.

    Jay

    April 13, 2019 at 10:54 pm

    @gene108:

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Justice_Democrats

  22. 22.

    Dan B

    April 13, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    And the commenter who felt sorry for the guy operating it….

  23. 23.

    plato

    April 13, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    come and get me.

  24. 24.

    jl

    April 13, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    Dick-fil-a

  25. 25.

    CaseyL

    April 13, 2019 at 11:04 pm

    I laughed and laughed and —

    Wait, wait. This is for people who are “reluctant to masturbate in a hospital setting” but assumes that those same people are A-OK sticking their dicks into a robot orifice??

    Does not compute.

  26. 26.

    Wag

    April 13, 2019 at 11:08 pm

    @Jay:

    So
    The JD supported 79 candidates in the 2018 election, and seven of them won! Sounds like a means to assure permanent GOP rule to me

  27. 27.

    dmsilev

    April 13, 2019 at 11:11 pm

    @Amir Khalid:

    Just the thing every gents’ room needs: a coin-operated wanker! No more need to use your own hand! A fortune awaits the intrepid businessman. I propose a slogan contest for this delightful device.

    See, here’s the business pitch. The company doesn’t operate the machines itself, instead it provides an app platform for linking potential customers with nearby available automatic jerkoff robots. It’s like Uber, but for automatic jerkoff robots. Actually, come to think of it, exactly like Uber.

  28. 28.

    JR

    April 13, 2019 at 11:13 pm

    Sounds like the beginning of a cocaine-era Steven King story

  29. 29.

    Jay

    April 13, 2019 at 11:15 pm

    @Wag:

    They are a year old, took in almost $2 mill, and 95% of that was “profit”.

    They are positioning themselves to be like AIPAC and the NRA, a very expensive group to run against. Spoilers, not makers.

  30. 30.

    Jay

    April 13, 2019 at 11:16 pm

    @dmsilev:

    And they collect and sell your data to other Companies.

  31. 31.

    jl

    April 13, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    Since open thread, and I am curious about other opinions. Suppose Trump does get away with his illegal and idiot idea of busing asylum seeking families to Los Angeles and San Francisco. So, these asylum seekers, mostly working age people or families will be kicked off a bus around, say, I dunno, the Cow Palace in SF. They got a court date coming up in Arizona and Texas. What’s going to happen?

    Are they going to sit around and worry about it? Start heading back to border areas so they can make the court date (with what money?). I’d bet a horde of labor contractors will be parked around the corner with paying jobs in construction up in wine country and around Chico (huge construction labor shortage right now due to wildfires). Agricultural contractors will come in from Central Valley for spring pruning and other work. The contractors will have some money with them.

    Are the evil rulers of the California sanctuary cities going to stupid enough to spend money to keep them penned up, or will they say, WTF? And get out of the way of capitalist enterprise? Would Trump come back and try to penalize state and cities for people that are legally not their concern who were illegally dumped there by feds?

    I wonder if Trump can blunder his way into getting this BS done through his bogus emergency? And I wonder if will ease labor shortage in California, and solve some asylum seekers’ problems one way or another.

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  32. 32.

    Dan B

    April 13, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    @jl: Good one! How about Acme Auto-Squirt? I’m not sure what a logo for Dik-Fil-A would look like but I think a choking chicken would be pretty bad.

  33. 33.

    jl

    April 13, 2019 at 11:24 pm

    Anyway, I, for one Californian, am horrified by Trump’s fiendish plan to dump a bunch of people in my region, most of whom are willing and able to work, the governing officials of which have to concern about, and with some really big labor shortages between one and three hours away.

    Excuse me, I am so scared I have to go piss now.

    Please please don’t do it Mr. President Trump. I am so sorry I voted against you. Please please please. Owwwiee owwiee owwie. Pleeeaaassse don’t!

  34. 34.

    Dan B

    April 13, 2019 at 11:24 pm

    @jl: I’m sure Federalist judges will be right on the States’ Rights angle. /s

  35. 35.

    jl

    April 13, 2019 at 11:26 pm

    @Dan B: Well, um… I just looked up the logo. Has some promise. An artistic sort of person could do something with it.

  36. 36.

    jl

    April 13, 2019 at 11:30 pm

    @Dan B: Unless Mayor Breed or Newsom are dumb enough to get in the way, any refugee willing and able to work will be on a good paying job within a few days. Of course there is a problem with abuse of undocumented immigrants, but that is a pre-existing issue. And with a labor shortage, that is a good incentive for bosses not to do that. Probably better than their kids being locked up in cages or the whole family being sent to a concentration camp.

  37. 37.

    Uncle Cosmo

    April 13, 2019 at 11:34 pm

    And the name on the patent application is – [opens envelope] –

    C. U. Bin-Jakinoff!

  38. 38.

    khead

    April 13, 2019 at 11:34 pm

    This thread is why I come to BJ.

  39. 39.

    TomatoQueen

    April 13, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    Splutter.

  40. 40.

    plato

    April 13, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    @khead: come for the bj, stay for the bj.

  41. 41.

    khead

    April 13, 2019 at 11:41 pm

    POTUS: We are going to send all the immigrants to sanctuary cities.
    Sanctuary cities: Ok.
    GOP base: We are OWNING the libs!

  42. 42.

    plato

    April 13, 2019 at 11:41 pm

    When I was a child, it was Japanese Americans who were villified as the enemy after Pearl Harbor. No one stood up for us, and 120,000 of us were sent to internment camps. I swore that I'd dedicate my life to ensure this never happens again in America. #IStandWithIlhanOmar— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) April 13, 2019

    It has been a fucking racist country since day one with trumpturd as its shining example.

  43. 43.

    jl

    April 13, 2019 at 11:43 pm

    @khead: Are you in California? Northern California? Seriously, if most of these people can work , and we can get them to the jobs just a couple of hours drive north and east of SF Bay Area (one way or another, wink wink nudge nudge), it would a serious economic blessing right now.

  44. 44.

    Jay

    April 13, 2019 at 11:46 pm

    OMG, It’s to Serve Man!!!!!!!!

    It’s a Cookbook!!!!!!!!

  45. 45.

    Ohio Mom

    April 13, 2019 at 11:46 pm

    Anne Laurie, if you are reading this thread, I’d love to hear from you what the memorial service for efg was like.

    Gin & Tonic gave a short description a couple of threads ago — he said you gave a very fitting speech.

    I’m guessing I’m not the only Juicer who feels comforted by knowing we had an official representative there.

    I won’t reading any replies tonight, it’s already past my bedtime. But I’ll check tomorrow morning.

  46. 46.

    khead

    April 13, 2019 at 11:47 pm

    @jl:

    I’m in NE MD, but I’d take them. Are there any sanctuary cities in red states?

  47. 47.

    Ohio Mom

    April 13, 2019 at 11:49 pm

    @Uncle Cosmo: Lol/groan.

  48. 48.

    Jay

    April 13, 2019 at 11:49 pm

    @khead:

    Yup, lots.

  49. 49.

    Matt McIrvin

    April 13, 2019 at 11:50 pm

    @gene108: They’re currently riding on their association with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who is their one and, I think, only great success story. But she’s way, way more famous and, as far as I can tell, much smarter than they are.

  50. 50.

    HumboldtBlue

    April 13, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    No robots needed when you have a rhythm section this tight.

  51. 51.

    Quaker in a Basement

    April 13, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    This is the best game arcade ever!

  52. 52.

    Sab

    April 13, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    @khead: If you consider Ohio red, then yes there are sanctuary cities in red states. I live in one.

  53. 53.

    khead

    April 14, 2019 at 12:08 am

    @Jay:
    @Sab:

    I wasn’t sure. I encourage Trump to send folks to those cities.

  54. 54.

    Jay

    April 14, 2019 at 12:15 am

    @Matt McIrvin:

    Yup, and she’s been smart enough to ignore them.

    The JD’s are running off the social media base they built during Dolt 43.

    There’s a bunch of people who’s online blew up their egos, on both sides of the fence.

    Our Blogfather became a better person, others, not so much.

  55. 55.

    MobiusKlein

    April 14, 2019 at 12:15 am

    Will I get fired if I read this twitter on work VPN?

    They asked me to work on the weekend, so I guess they better shut up about it, if they know what’s good for them.

  56. 56.

    Dan B

    April 14, 2019 at 12:16 am

    @plato: Giod one…

    Apologies, but I’m not the only one that needs to… Vaginot
    Vaginaught
    Dread Not

  57. 57.

    Dan B

    April 14, 2019 at 12:20 am

    @Jay:
    Wins!

    Outrageous Limits!

  58. 58.

    LivinginExile

    April 14, 2019 at 12:21 am

    If you have an erection lasting more than four hours don’t call your doctor, replace the fuse.

  59. 59.

    The Dangerman

    April 14, 2019 at 12:31 am

    Palm SUNDAY, not Palm Some Day.

  60. 60.

    Duane

    April 14, 2019 at 1:18 am

    Finally, a robot I can get behind.

  61. 61.

    Jay

    April 14, 2019 at 1:22 am

    “ These,…
    Are not the sex robots,
    You seek”

    Waves hand.

  62. 62.

    J R in WV

    April 14, 2019 at 1:32 am

    @Amir Khalid:

    I propose a slogan contest for this delightful device.

    Stand and Deliver !!! by MEDco!

  63. 63.

    JGabriel

    April 14, 2019 at 1:40 am

    AngryMan @AngryManTV via Anne Laurie @ Top:

    A Chinese company says its automatic sperm extractor is helping clinics collect semen from donors reluctant to masturbate in a hospital setting.

    Apparently I’ve said this before, and, knowing mankind, I’m sure I’ll have future cause to say it again:

    I, for one, welcome our new ho’bot overlords.

  64. 64.

    bemused senior

    April 14, 2019 at 2:08 am

    @jl: Please, please don’t throw me in that briar patch!

  65. 65.

    Booger

    April 14, 2019 at 7:41 am

    @Jay: …wait…are we talking about the Justice Democrats or the Chinese wankbots?

  66. 66.

    chopper

    April 14, 2019 at 10:46 am

    @jeffreyw:

    “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised”

  67. 67.

    chopper

    April 14, 2019 at 10:49 am

    is it irresponsible to ejaculate? it would be irresponsible *not* to.

  68. 68.

    john carter

    April 14, 2019 at 10:51 am

    Possibly the Biggest(?) Consumer?

    Incels!*

    *Photo attachment not included.

Comments are closed.

Primary Sidebar

On The Road - BarcaChicago  - Off the Gunflint Trail/Boundary Waters 8
Image by BarcaChicago (7/11/25)

World Central Kitchen

Donate

Recent Comments

  • Betty Cracker on The Ongoing Texas Tragedies (Jul 12, 2025 @ 9:18am)
  • Enhanced Voting Techniques on Saturday Morning Klown Show Open Thread: GOP Falling Into the Pit They Have Dug (Jul 12, 2025 @ 9:18am)
  • brendancalling on The Ongoing Texas Tragedies (Jul 12, 2025 @ 9:17am)
  • Betty on The Ongoing Texas Tragedies (Jul 12, 2025 @ 9:17am)
  • p.a on The Ongoing Texas Tragedies (Jul 12, 2025 @ 9:15am)

Balloon Juice Posts

View by Topic
View by Author
View by Month & Year
View by Past Author

Featuring

Medium Cool
Artists in Our Midst
Authors in Our Midst
No Kings Protests June 14 2025

🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

Calling All Jackals

Site Feedback
Nominate a Rotating Tag
Submit Photos to On the Road
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Links)
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Posts)
Fix Nyms with Apostrophes

Social Media

Balloon Juice
WaterGirl
TaMara
John Cole
DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
Betty Cracker
Tom Levenson
David Anderson
Major Major Major Major
DougJ NYT Pitchbot
mistermix

Keeping Track

Legal Challenges (Lawfare)
Republicans Fleeing Town Halls (TPM)
21 Letters (to Borrow or Steal)
Search Donations from a Brand

Feeling Defeated?  If We Give Up, It's Game Over

Site Footer

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Comment Policy
  • Our Authors
  • Blogroll
  • Our Artists
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2025 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!