I came across this and figured we could give it some additional attention. Any Oklahoma or Oklahoma adjacent Juicers (yes, I’ve already emailed SoonerGrunt) who might know someone looking to adopt an older teen.
My heart aches for this kid who just wants a family to call his own. I wish I were in a position to offer that, but as I am not, here's to hoping this very small signal boost will bring Haven what everyone deserves.https://t.co/tQPs1fz3WR
— Lou Garrulous (@FeEquine) July 3, 2019
Oklahoma News4 has the details:
17-year-old losing hope of being adopted before time runs out
OKLAHOMA CITY – Walking through the halls of the Army National Guard is a dream come true for Haven.
“I’m involved with Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps, AKA JROTC,” Haven explained.
This 17-year-old says he dreams of joining the military some day.
“Being a part of something bigger than myself and to serve my country,” he said.
As a group of service members gave Haven a taste of what it’s like to be in the Oklahoma Army National Guard, we learned a little bit more about his situation.
Haven currently lives in a shelter with four other children right now.
“It gets old at times,” he said. “Just being there. Not being able to go out whenever I want.”
Haven doesn’t have his driver’s license yet, but he’s hoping to get his permit soon. He says that would be the first step to becoming a bit more independent.
“I’d probably like to travel the world, but the Army probably helps with that,” he said.
For the time being, Haven is simply concerned about being adopted.
He turns 18-years-old in October, so he’s hoping to find an adoptive family before time runs out.
“So you can have someone to help you, like be there for you if you need help. Not just going into it all blind because that’s how you get into drugs and bad stuff like that,” he said.
Haven has been in DHS custody since he was just 12-years-old, and says he is losing hope that someone will give him guidance into adulthood.
When asked what kind of family he is looking for, Haven said, “Anyone who will take me.”
“I don’t really care. As long as it’s a family that will show love for me and be there for me,” he said.
This teen is looking for a house to become a home, and a family to call his own.
For more information on adopting Haven, call Tom Peterson at (405) 325-9398 and tell him you saw him on this segment.
For more resources, click here.
The tweet up top has a GoFundMe account to try to help Haven out with expenses as he ages out of foster care, but I think the real need here is for someone who is looking to adopt an older teen in the Oklahoma City area to make a connection to Haven. So if you know of someone, please push this their way.
Open thread!
rikyrah
I hope that someone comes through????
Adam L Silverman
@rikyrah: I’ve also put this out to a couple of other networks that might be able to help. One of my former bosses, retired Navy captain, is originally from Oklahoma and still has family there. So I’ve sent it to him.
geg6
Oh, I hope he finds a family! My heart breaks.
TaMara (HFG)
I wonder if he’s willing to relocate to
By-God-West-VirginiaWest-By-God-Virginia?zattarra
This breaks my heart. We adopted my oldest at 14 and that’s an age where it is difficult for a kid to get adopted. 15-17 is almost impossible because everyone fears getting a troubled teen. Or “they’ll only be with you for a short time,” like an adopted kid stops being your kid when they turn 18 or something. Adoption is family. I expect my daughters to be around to put me in a home. Heck, one of the signs we were family when they were still just our foster kids waiting for the adoption to go through was when they threatened to put us in a bad nursing home if I pissed them off – there willingness to talk about that stuff was a sign we were all in it together for life. But 17 is tough. People who take in at that age are special.
Raven
I have a FB group of guys from my outfit in Korea and one of them lives in Oklahoma and I sent it to him.
TaMara (HFG)
@zattarra: Your entire comment just made my night better. Thank you.
kindness
Tough place to be at the age of 17. There but for the grace of god & I sure hope someone steps up and helps this guy out. I want to keep thinking we’re better than that (Trumpies not included).
zattarra
@TaMara (HFG): Trust me, if you had told me when we started as foster parents I’d adopt two kids, one 2 weeks short of her 15th birthday I would have said you were nuts. We wanted older but not that old. My youngest was 9 at the time, the age we always thought we’d adopt. We joke with my older one that we only took her so we could get her sister.
Adam L Silverman
@Raven: Thanks!
guachi
I saw this when it was first on the air. Sad to hear nothing has happened in the last four months.
Maybe the GoFundMe can show Haven that there is a lot of support out there for him.
Kdaug
Don’t have kids, so maybe I’m missing something, but he ages out at 18 and can enlist at 18, no?
Adam L Silverman
@guachi: I wish I still had contacts at Ft. Sill, but everyone I knew there has rotated out or retired.
Adam L Silverman
@Kdaug: Yes, but he also has no support system. The way the system works, once he ages out of the foster system, DHS just sends him on his way.
Mai Naem mobile
This was trending on Twitter and fwiw there was a comment from somebody that Oklahoma DHS was saying he was unavailable. Hopefully that means somebody has adopted him or on the way.
satby
I’ve mentioned my foster son, the Marine. He came to our family at 16, stayed for about 2 years, went into the service, and ended up back with us after he got out before he got his own place. He wasn’t available for adoption, but he still needed a home and the feeling that someone gave a damn who wasn’t paid to. They all do.
I hope someone came through for this kid.
RedDirtGirl
@TaMara (HFG): His forever home.
Mary G
Jake Tapper tweeted it today.
J R in WV
@Mai Naem mobile:
Or someone in the OK DHS is bound to screw this kid. Hope not.
Gvg
They need advice and a home base. They get so lost by just not having had,someone to teach them our systems. Modern life does not make it really possible to self support at 18. Maybe it used to be possible when the minimum wage was a living wage and you could make it on a high school degree.
Florida will pay state tuition for 4 years if a child was in foster care after a certain age. Also for adopted children from state care. The thing is, the child has to have been taught how to work the system. I’ve seen a few come through UF and they just don’t know things even a first generation kid with family know. It’s because their care has been so inconsistent and temporary. Foster parents don’t know what the child hasn’t been taught like applying for things. They need mentors. The best mentors are parents.
Mai Naem mobile
@J R in WV: hopefully the Oklahoma DHS can at least be shamed into not fucking with this kid now. BTW, what happened to all those pro life bible thumpers? How come they didnt line up to adopt him? All those megachurches in Oklahoma don’t have one single parishioner ready to adopt this kid?
Kent
I promise you there are kids EXACTLY like this in every single town and city in the country. The other’s just never make the news. I have one or two in class every year.
MazeDancer
@TaMara (HFG):
Had the same thoughts. WV could be just the place for him.
Lyrebird
@Adam L Silverman: Thanks for amplifying this.
I pray a great family comes forward, hopefully a family with a completed home study in hand, and that the authorities make it smooth. It can sometimes be quite difficult.
People need some folks to come home to, I say. I don’t think Emma Thompson ever formally adopted her son – maybe he was too old? But I love reading about it.
Chris White
Did anyone else think immediately of Cole?
Mel
@Kdaug: That’s true, but the point is more about all the other parts of his life, for the rest of his life. He can enlist, sure. Where does he cone back to on leave? Who writes to him during basic training, telling him that he can make it, that they are proud of him for being a good kid and following his dreams?
When he has his first serious relationship, who can he go to and ask the important questions? When his significant other says, “I can’t wait to meet your family!”, who will be there to welcome them into their home?
Who will help him decide which college, or which car, or which apartment? Who will teach him about managing money, getting over a heartbreak, picking out the right shirt or suit for the big interview? Who will know that he loves waffles, and always make them for him when he comes home to visit? Who will be in the audience, watching with pride when he graduates from high school or college?
If he someday has children, who will be grandma or grandpa, and who can he call for reassurance when he’s worried sick while a colicky baby has been crying for two hours straight?
It’s not about whether he has a bunk to sleep in and three squares – it’s about whether he has a home, both physical and emotional, to build the rest of his life from. It’s about having people that are committed to him, that he can commit to as well. It’s about a chance to be unconditionally loved, or at least, a chance to have a place where he is wanted, and where he will always belong.
Mousebumples
I have zero Oklahoma connections, but I do have 2 cousins that are very involved in local (Wisconsin) foster care/adoption programs. I’ll forward this on to them in case they know anyone.
There are a few UW campuses that have a Fostering Success program, aimed at helping kids who aged out of foster care succeed in college. (my one cousin was heavily involved in the original setup of the program)
https://www.uwstout.edu/life-stout/student-services/diversity/fostering-success
Not sure if there are similar programs in other states, but given the challenges faced by foster youth, it’s an awesome program.