Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Maybe you would prefer that we take Joelle’s side in ALL CAPS?

Cole is on a roll !

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

No Justins, No Peace

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

This country desperately needs a functioning Fourth Estate.

If you thought you’d already seen people saying the stupidest things possible on the internet, prepare yourselves.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

It looks like winning debates is a black job!

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Fight for a just cause, love your fellow man, live a good life.

“They not like us!” (that’s for sure!)

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

It is possible to do the right thing without the promise of a cookie.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Fani Willis claps back at Trump chihuahua, Jim Jordan.

I was confident that someone would point it out and thought why not me.

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Reader Interactions

133Comments

  1. 1.

    Baud

    I didn’t realize the new website design involved tomatoes.

    It makes sense, when you think about it.

  2. 2.

    OzarkHillbilly

    I suppose it’s only fair you get tomatoes before I do. After all, you got hornworms first too.

  4. 4.

    laura

    Pillowy white bread, mayo- the good kind, matos, salt, pepper, big ole glass of ice water. Eat under the pergola while keeping an eye on the willow.
    That is all.

  6. 6.

    Litlebritdifrnt

    I used to take a salt shaker out to the raised beds and spend ages grazing on the tomatoes. Still warm from the sun, quick sprinkle of salt. Perfect.

  10. 10.

    NotMax

    Homemade mozzarella cheese isn’t a terribly difficult nor a particularly long or involved undertaking.

    Just sayin’.

  11. 11.

    MomSense

    Our strawberries are barely ripe and you have tomatoes already?!?! The spring and early summer were so cold and rainy that all the crops are behind several weeks. We start with a short growing season in the best of circumstances.

  12. 12.

    cain

    I don’t have a single tomato… and I’ve planted like 5 tomato plants. I don’t even have flowers. :(

    Also, ross perot died, no post on that guy? :)

  13. 13.

    debbie

    The tomatoes I buy at the farmer’s market are picked the same day. They are pretty much my daily dinner all summer long. Sliced and layered over a basil leaf, Hellman’s, and toasted sourdough bread. The roof of my mouth is already sore, but I don’t care!

  15. 15.

    Yutsano

    @NotMax: I did notice our esteemed bloghost has no basil growing about. Which is a shame because he has lots of sunny spots. And oh man do I want a caprese salad now…

  16. 16.

    TenguPhule

    @NotMax:

    Homemade mozzarella cheese isn’t a terribly difficult nor a particularly long or involved undertaking.

    You trying to get another amusing if mortifying story of John Cole’s “Classic Hijinks” with trying to prepare a food product he wasn’t designed for?

  22. 22.

    Mary G

    @Mary G: WaPo:

    By Matt Zapotosky ,
    Seung Min Kim and
    Tara Bahrampour July 9 at 5:58 PM
    A federal judge in New York on Tuesday denied a bid from the Justice Department to replace the team of lawyers on the census citizenship question case, writing that its request to do so was “patently deficient.”

    The department had earlier this week announced its intention to swap out the legal team on the case — without saying exactly why. A person familiar with the matter said the decision was driven in part by frustration among at least some of the career lawyers who had been assigned to the case about how it was being handled, though the department wanted to replace those in both career and political positions.

    But U.S. District Judge Jesse M. Furman denied the formal, legal bid to do so.

    “Defendants provide no reasons, let alone ‘satisfactory reasons,’ for the substitution of counsel,” Furman wrote. He also noted that a filing in the case was due from the department in just three days, and that the department had previously pushed for the matter to be moved along quickly.

    “If anything, that urgency — and the need for efficient judicial proceedings — has only grown since that time,” Furman wrote.

    Furman said the department could refile its request, if it gave “satisfactory reasons” for the attorneys’ withdrawal and promise that the attorneys who had worked the case previously would be available upon request.

  25. 25.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Mary G:

    “Defendants provide no reasons, let alone ‘satisfactory reasons,’ for the substitution of counsel,” Furman wrote. He also noted that a filing in the case was due from the department in just three days, and that the department had previously pushed for the matter to be moved along quickly.

    “If anything, that urgency — and the need for efficient judicial proceedings — has only grown since that time,” Furman wrote.

    This is delicious.

  26. 26.

    MomSense

    @Yutsano:

    Such a shame. I just like to slice up some tomatoes, drizzle with EVOO, sprinkle a little S&P, and add some fresh basil.

  28. 28.

    Betty Cracker

    Our first tomato crop has come and gone already. We’ll plant more around the time y’all are readying your gardens for the freezes to come.

    @laura: That’s my preference exactly. Homemade mayo is best (and a snap to make with a blender stick).

  29. 29.

    FlyingToaster

    We’re probably a month out here in the frozen north. I remember 12 years ago taking tomatoes in to the techs on my thrice weekly checkups (ultra-high-risk pregnancy, resulting in WarriorGirl). That was the last half of August and the first 2/3 of September.

    We have cherry tomatoes in the pots out back and plenty of flowers on both the tomatoes and tomatillos in the garden. I’m anticipating the cherries in two weeks and the sauce tomatoes in 4, by which time the basil should be nice and big. Add fresh mozz from either Russo’s or the farmers market and we’re ready to go…

  30. 30.

    SiubhanDuinne

    Between Judge Furman’s refusal to let him swap out his legal team for no reason, and the appeals court decision that Trump’s blocking his Twitter followers is unconstitutional, it hasn’t been one of his best days. I expect he’s having one of his red-faced screaming spittle-flecked tantrums right now. I’d hate to be the staffers who broke the news to him.

    tl;dr— Sucks to be you, Trump.

  31. 31.

    kindness

    Uh oh!!! No bacon is safe in the Cole household for the rest of the season. Look out lettuce! You’re next.

  32. 32.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Mary G:

    Ha! My grandmother did the same, and for the same reason. I probably haven’t put sugar on tomatoes in the past 60+ years. Wonder if I’d still like it that way.

  35. 35.

    Yutsano

    @SiubhanDuinne: I’ve often wondered if that’s an old school German thing. My very German grandmother did that, and it spread to (whatever he is) grandfather. But I used to hate tomatoes as a kid. Now you can even find varieties in the store that are delicious. And since I can’t have a garden I’ll pay the extra scratch for the heirlooms in the store.

    Until the parents start rolling in them. Then we’re talking BLTs and salads for weeks.

  39. 39.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Yutsano:

    Then we’re talking BLTs and salads for weeks.

    That’s not such a bad thing.

    My grandmother was half-German. I never thought of it as being a feature of Teutonic cuisine, but maybe.

  40. 40.

    Just One More Canuck

    @Baud: Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right

  42. 42.

    karen marie

    @SiubhanDuinne: I thought that last year a judge had ruled that Trump couldn’t block people on twitter. Was this an appeal or a new case?

    I wouldn’t know if he blocked me, because I’ve blocked him to save being directly exposed to that toxic bullshit.

  43. 43.

    Yutsano

    @SiubhanDuinne: This also means it’s green mater season. Oh man a big plate of fried green maters after tonight’s physio session sounds sooooo good.

  44. 44.

    Keith P.

    @SiubhanDuinne: I read an article a month or two ago about how the Trump Administration’s win/loss percentage in federal court is way, way worse than any other administration, mainly due to Trump’s insistence on taking everything to court (he doesn’t have to pay for lawyers, so throw as many of the best you can get at the problem….the mostest lawyers win, right?)

  46. 46.

    JMG

    No tomatoes here in Mass. for at least a month. But when they come, the lettuce, bacon, mayo and wheat toast will be there to greet them.

  48. 48.

    raven

    I just had a nice young lady from the Georgia Democratic party give me the once over for a donation and support. I gave her 20 after she said “we’re challenging people to give is $100 each”!

  50. 50.

    stinger

    @FlyingToaster: Several years ago I was applying for a job in late summer. When I got a second interview, I took in a basket of tomatoes, picked that morning, for the interview team. I got the job!

  52. 52.

    raven

    @Baud: Not at all, m I just said “I’ve got 20 for you” and pointed out the houses where she would and wouldn’t have a shot. I was outside with Lil Bit and, when I went in to get my wallet, the Bohdi barked at her and then went out and leaned on her.

  53. 53.

    Kay

    @MomSense:

    Betsy Ginsberg
    ‏@BetsyGinsberg
    Follow Follow @BetsyGinsberg
    MoreReplying to @KlasfeldReports
    This ruling is unsurprising to me. DOJ failed to comply with the SDNY local rules, under which Judge Furman can grant the motion “only upon a showing by affidavit or otherwise of satisfactory reasons for withdrawal or displacement” which was not made or even attempted here.

    Rules are for other people.

  56. 56.

    chris

    Yum! Fresh tomato on French toast with mayo and some bacon on the side! Not quite here yet but soon.

  58. 58.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Keith P.:
    Missed seeing that article, but it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Would be interesting, though, to see comparative W/L records of the last, say, 10-12 administrations charted neatly out.

  59. 59.

    Baud

    Haha. NBC News just recommended traveling to England because of the collapsing pound.

  60. 60.

    rikyrah

    Barr’s Father hired Epstein

    WITHOUT A COLLEGE DEGREE

    And, watching LarryO from last night…
    Daddy Barr had to resign A YEAR LATER
    When.the Board of Trustees hired an OUTSIDE committee to study the school and.assess its operation under Daddy Barr???

  62. 62.

    VeniceRiley

    I have my toast, mayo and salt grinder ready! But I’ve no fresh off the vine tomatoes. I need a yard. I need a garden. I need about 800k to have those things here. Perhaps I’ll just settle for heirloom tomatoes at Whole Foods. Enjoy!

  63. 63.

    chris

    Over the past few days I’ve spoken to seven prominent money managers, three of whom are billionaires, and asked them if they have any idea how Epstein made money or who his clients are All of them said they had no idea and have never been able to figure out the answers https://t.co/TgBh4JtPUO— Yashar Ali ? (@yashar) 9 July 2019

  64. 64.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Some foods should only be ingredients — mayo to hold the tuna salad together, for instance, or sour cream as a cheesecake or beef stroganoff ingredient — but I do NOT want mayonnaise just sitting there on the bread ruining a perfectly good BLT, nor do I want nasty dollops of sour cream atop my baked potato or gazpacho. Take that stuff out of my sight. Ugh.

    Similarly, some foods should NEVER be ingredients. They should just be enjoyed on their own. Raisins come to mind. They are delicious in handfuls straight out of the Sunkist box, the way God intended; but please do NOT put them in cookies or rice pudding, thank you very much.

  66. 66.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @SiubhanDuinne: I am sorry; mayo is an abomination, and oatmeal cookies and rice pudding require raisins.

    ETA: Potato salad should never have raisins. There is no excuse for Karen doing that kind of sort of shit.

  69. 69.

    SenyorDave

    @Baud: I don’t see pimping kids being that profitable.
    The blackmail could bring in some big bucks.

  70. 70.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Agree mayo. Raisins in cookies are just wrong. They masquerade as chocolate chips, and you bite into one and then realise your error but because the person who made them is standing right there beaming, you are forced to chew and swallow and say “Mmmm, delicious” and try to look like you mean it.

    This is why I have trust issues.

    And don’t even with me about raisins in tapioca and rice pudding.

    (MODERATOR: Well, I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. Let’s leave it at that.)

  74. 74.

    hueyplong

    I thought this place was founded on a hatred of mayo and devotion to spicy mustard.

    But either would be Schadenfreudelicious with today’s opinion slapping down the DoJ for the blatantly bad faith attempt to send a replacement team of lawyers to conjure yet another “real” reason to include the citizenship question.

  75. 75.

    chris

    @Baud: Blackmailing the ultrarich on the other hand… Also running an offshore hedge fund which runs on insider information from those same people.

  80. 80.

    TenguPhule

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    and oatmeal cookies and rice pudding require raisins.

    let me stop you right there.

    Raisins are only acceptable by themselves and only in small quantities.

    Like nuts, raisins have no place in cookies or anything else.

  83. 83.

    Jay

    @Baud:

    @Cheryl Rofer:

    One of the working theories is:

    Host parties with underage women around,

    When someone takes adavantage of that,

    If rich, politely ask them to “invest” $1 billion in your offshore “hedge fund”,

    If connected, keep it quiet for “favours” later.

  85. 85.

    NotMax

    re: above

    Gack. Why ruin a perfectly good tomato with bacon? In fact why ruin anything by including bacon?

    /mini-rant

  86. 86.

    schrodingers_cat

    @TenguPhule: Golden raisins or sultanas are better in desserts as they are less sweet than the black raisins and slightly tart. I am thinking of Indian desserts like gajar ka halwa (carrot fudge, loosely translated).

  88. 88.

    TenguPhule

    @NotMax:

    In fact why ruin anything by including bacon?

    Bacon Cheese Sandwiches on line three with a bench warrant.

  89. 89.

    Miss Bianca

    @Baud: I’d like to think that it’s all going to come out – the crimes, and the cover-ups. That if Epstein the supposed “hedge fund manager” set up his “hedge fund” to funnel all the money he was making in blackmail pay-offs, he would not only be spending the rest of his miserable life in prison, but that a lot of other people were going to be made very uncomfortable, possibly for the first time in their miserable lives.

    I’d *like* to think that. It gives me pleasure. At this point I am so cynically despondent about the sheer number and utter brazenness of our high-priced, low-rent “meritocracy”‘s heretofore successful attempts to evade any sort of justice or consequences for their actions, that I find it hard to believe it might actually happen, this time.

  90. 90.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @TenguPhule:

    Raisins are only acceptable by themselves and only in small quantities.

    Like nuts, raisins have no place in cookies or anything else.

    ATENTION, JUICER JACKALS!!

    This is historic. For perhaps the first time in the life of Balloon Juice, I find myself agreeing wholeheartedly with TenguPhule!

    Well said, friend.

  92. 92.

    TenguPhule

    @schrodingers_cat: Desserts are perfectly fine without the raisins. They add nothing and the sour/tartness when you bite into one in the middle of an otherwise sweet mouthful is gross and unsettling.

  94. 94.

    Mainmata

    @Mary G: Yes, he said this proposed switch violated basic administrative law without saying “what the hell is Bill Barr doing?”

  95. 95.

    Miss Bianca

    @SiubhanDuinne: And as a fan of every type of cookie and sweet thing on this earth, I cry, “malarkey”! Nuts and raisins should go wherever they will! (Except potato salad. Neither nuts *nor* raisins in potato salad).

  96. 96.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @NotMax:

    Why ruin a perfectly good tomato with bacon? In fact why ruin anything by including bacon?

    You pinko commie.

  101. 101.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @TenguPhule:

    The best bread pudding is the one made without raisins and drizzled in sweet cream.

    Oh gods, it’s only early July and already you’ve triggered my cold-weather appetite!

  104. 104.

    TenguPhule

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Oh gods, it’s only early July and already you’ve triggered my cold-weather appetite!

    We have buffets that serve it year round in Hawaii. : )

  105. 105.

    NotMax

    @mrmoshpotato

    Hate is too strong a term. Don’t care for the taste and especially dislike the saltiness. Not to the point of picking it out of a dish or sandwich when someone has mistakenly stuck it in, though.

    Exception in personal repertoire is using bacon grease when making Pennsylvania Dutch potato salad (but I do go extra, extra skimpy on adding crumbled bacon).

  106. 106.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @TenguPhule:

    Peanut butter cookies are delicious.

    No. No, they are not. Nothing involving peanuts or peanut butter is allowed within 50 feet of me.

    (Not a true get-out-the-epipen allergy, but such a strong aversion — like gagging and retching when I even smell peanut butter — that for all practical purposes it might as well be.)

  110. 110.

    Jay

    BLT with mayo,
    Peanut butter cookies,
    Oatmeal raisin cookies,
    Triple chocolate biscotti with dried cherries,
    Potato salad with mayo,
    White fruitcake with raisins,
    Panettone,
    Plum pudding with raisins and hard sauce,
    Brandy soaked dark fruitcake with raisins,
    Chocolate chip, raisin, oatmeal, coconut, dried apricot and smarties trail mix cookies,……….

  113. 113.

    Jay

    @Jay:

    Oh, and stained glass window refrigerated cookies and devils chocolate peanut cookies and hot chocolate.

  114. 114.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Another Scott:

    Funnily enough, I actually do. So strange to be picking apart food likes and dislikes. Taste, aroma, concentration, sight, texture — they all figure into my liking or disliking a particular food.

    Example: I love pea soup (with or without bacon, pace NotMax) but don’t really enjoy peas. It’s a texture thing. (I learned, decades after he died, that my grandfather was exactly the same, and for the same reason.)

    As I’ve aged, I’ve learned to tolerate a number of food things that I would never commit on my own. Actually, peanuts/peanut butter is about the only thing I can think of that I would flat-out turn down.

    .

    .

    Well, and liver.

  118. 118.

    TenguPhule

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Well, and liver.

    The key to eating liver is to

    1. Marinate it for at least 24 hours in something that tastes good.

    2. Use a lot of bacon when you cook it.

  119. 119.

    Hungry Joe

    My Ohio in-laws make the following sandwich, and with straight faces: White bread, crunchy peanut butter, mayo, tomato slices (home-grown, at least), lettuce, and … Bac-O bits. When offered one a few years ago, I decided to be polite. I nodded. I chomped. And it was good. I can’t explain it. It shouldn’t be good; it shouldn’t BE. And yet …

    Now I make them for myself, though I try to hide the Mayo in the fridge. Behind the pesto.

  120. 120.

    Amir Khalid

    @Jay:
    I am Malay, and satay is from the Malay world. I tried American “satay” once. It is a bland, tasteless abomination.

  123. 123.

    schrodingers_cat

    @Amir Khalid: Husband kitteh’s cousins who live and work in Singapore had come for the long week end. They have invited us to Singapore when we take a trip to India. We should have a meetup if do end up visiting Singapore.
    ETA: Do you have a recipe for satay?

  124. 124.

    Jay

    @Amir Khalid:

    The S’pore Rugby Club Sunday Satay’s pretty good.

    In my small town one can get 4 different Satays. 1 Malaysian, one Singaporean, One Tamil, and one wipple chain restaurant.

  131. 131.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    (Not a true get-out-the-epipen allergy, but such a strong aversion — like gagging and retching when I even smell peanut butter — that for all practical purposes it might as well be.)

    That is my reaction to mayo. I get your point.

  132. 132.

    divF

    @schrodingers_cat:

    They have invited us to Singapore when we take a trip to India.

    A casual side trip of 2000 miles. You, lamh, and Australians in general make me feel exhausted just hearing about your travel plans.

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