Probably stumbled over a pile of Oleg Deripaska’s cash:
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell fractured his shoulder Sunday after falling in his Kentucky home, his office said in a statement.
“This morning, Leader McConnell tripped at home on his outside patio and suffered a fractured shoulder,” David Popp, McConnell’s communications director, said in a statement. “He has been treated, released, and is working from home in Louisville.”
I’m pleased to report that as someone who has broken both shoulders several times that it is both painful and irritating as fuck because any movement irritates it and you can not dress yourself. So that’s nice.
Jerzy Russian
In addition to having difficulties dressing, I would imagine other mundane tasks like ass wiping and masturbating are also difficult and painful for him.
I had no idea he is 77 years old. If he were a human male, he would have a significantly nonzero chance of dropping dead next year. As it is, most turtle species have lifespan much longer, I am sad to say.
Martin
Anyone in DC and KY we can pay to set off firecrackers around him constantly?
Duane
Moscow Mitch. Looks like that’s gonna stick. Hope his shoulder keeps him in pain for the rest of his useless existence.
JR
@Jerzy Russian: he’s a Deep One, always had the Innsmouth look about him. Cthulhu only knows how long those things live.
piratedan
not sure what I want more, for Sen. McConnell to writhe in pain or for him to off himself on an opiod overdse, the latter would be better for the country, the former would simply be karma coming home to residency.
Chetan Murthy
@Jerzy Russian: His wife is 66 (11yr younger). It would please me greatly if
(a) he were debilitated (e.g. by a stroke)
(b) she got herself a younger lover
and (c) Yertle’s care were contracted out to some home health aides
who (d) knew exactly what he stood for and did.
And of course (e) that he lived a long, long, long life under those conditions.
Sneaux23
I am bad, but after 12 hours working in the mental ward, I hope he expires of a fat embolism.
Mary G
So much for the theories about Elizabeth Warren:
oatler.
“George Soros put a banana peel on the stairs”. Won’t be the loopiest thing we read tomorrow.
Spanky
I’d like to think that his “trip” was actually someone sending him a message, but it’s more than likely that his handlers are quite pleased with the way things are going.
Renie
I don’t believe he did fracture his shoulder. How does a 77 year old man fracture his shoulder and get treated and go home in one day? When I fractured my shoulder it was agony and then I had a metal plate put in to help put it back together. I think this is bullshit so he can avoid seeing his constituents while on recess (after the first appearance when they shouted #MoscowMitch at him) and he will also use it as an excuse to ignore calls for the Senate to go back to Wash DC and do something about guns.
Mai Naem mobile
@Chetan Murthy: hope the aides are African American to whom he can compare himself with ancestors who were slave owners, with Barack Obama.
Also too, lemme be the first one to say to Moscow Mitch – I don’t really care do you?
Mai Naem mobile
@Renie: I have to say that that was my first thought . After seeing the reception he got at the Farmers Breakfast or whatever it was, with continual Moscow Mitch chants, hell, I wouldn’t want to be going to any events either. It would definitely cause me to think of a bullshit reason to get out of doing events. They were kind of drowning him out. Not good optics for him at all.
Another Scott
@Renie: When I was in grad school, a fellow student was in a car accident and broke her collar bone. There wasn’t much that could be done about it except tape it up and send her home.
Maybe that’s all that happened to Mitch?
Whatever it was, I really hate that their handlers don’t give more information when important public officials have medical issues. The public has a right to know, if nothing else to prevent all kinds of speculation that lessens the public’s confidence in their government.
Cheers,
Scott.
Jay
SiubhanDuinne
@Duane:
I hope they give him opioids for the pain, he gets hooked, and ends his days toothless, gaunt, and destitute.
Edit: Or what @piratedan said at #5.
Steeplejack
I’ve got to ask about this “Leader McConnell” thing. It sounds kind of Big Brother-ish, and I don’t remember other majority leaders being referred to that way. A brief Google search on Trent Lott and Bill Frist finds the occasional “Senate Majority Leader Lott” or “Majority Leader Frist,” but no straight-up “Leader X.” And even with McConnell it seems to come up only from his minions or GOP talking points. Am I missing something?
I think it sounds stupid as hell, if that wasn’t obvious.
Brachiator
@Jerzy Russian:
He has aides for that.
Jay
@Steeplejack:
You don’t get to full Nazi quickly. It’s done by erosion and new framing.
Soon, Dear Leader.
Jay
Jay
Jay
Steeplejack
@Jay:
It has an egotistical, authoritarian whiff to it. “The president may be a cretin, but I am the Leader!” (Minion heel clicks in background.)
My memory of news coverage in days gone by is that, after a first reference of “Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott” or some such, it would just be “Senator Lott said this stupid thing” or “Senator Lott did that stupid thing.”
But, yeah, you don’t go full Nazi right away. I’m sure “Fearless Leader” is in the mix somewhere.
Jay
Gretchen
I broke my shoulder and they sent me right home with a sling and opiates and told me not to move it or it wouldn’t heal. It was super painful and still bothers me years later. And since you can’t move it you can’t pick up your arm to wash under it so you smell pretty bad. Couldn’t happen to a more deserving fella.
Yoodow
Karma is a bitch Mitch.
Jay
@Gretchen:
Rooting for septis,……
Chetan Murthy
@Jay: Can’t argue with that.
Luciamia
God, I hate this political miasma that makes me have zero sympathy.
Brachiator
@Jay:
Fuck.
Suzanne
@Jerzy Russian:
I am ashamed to say that this was my second thought upon hearing the oh-so-unfortunate news of the Turtle’s injury this morning (the first being BWAHAAHAAAAAA).
Of course, “Mitch McConnell” and “ass wipe” are semiotically linked. So maybe I shouldn’t feel shame.
mak
“Moscow Mitch. Looks like that’s gonna stick.”
Even better, looks like “Massacre Mitch” is starting to gather steam.
Aleta
If he actually did trip, could be he was preoccupied this morning. How to give the NRA their money’s worth again this time…how to neutralize Joe and Joy and Murray’s use of Moscow Mitch…how to keep the GOP Senate solid…how to get Trumputin to stop calling to yell at him every night.
Mike G
I wonder how Moscow Mitch would feel if when he showed up at the hospital the doctors and staff refused to treat him based on their “religious freedom” to refuse assistance to evil fucks who ruin thousands of lives for greed and power.
Suzanne
@Jay: I would not be surprised if that was true about undocumented people avoiding hospitals. A few years ago, Mr. Suzanne and I witnessed a car wreck in which a white man driving a truck hit a car with a Latina driver. The white dude in the truck was clearly at fault (he was making a left and hit the lady’s car, and she was going straight with a green light). Her face hit the steering wheel and she had blood pouring out of her mouth. Mr. Suzanne spoke to her because he speaks fluent Spanish and she spoke very little English, and she kept telling him very frantically that she didn’t want to go to the hospital, even though she very clearly needed medical care. The police finally talked her into letting them call an ambulance for her.
Ruckus
@Luciamia:
Think of it this way.
You don’t have sympathy for a racist asshole who has nothing but contempt for you. You want to have sympathy for him but you realize that he is incapable of sympathy for anyone not named McConnell and rich. You are a liberal, he doesn’t care if you died a horrible death, you not having sympathy for him is the least you can do.
SectionH
@Chetan Murthy: She’s his beard. The attraction is purely financial.
Ruckus
@Suzanne:
I’ve had both hand/wrists in casts that bend your hand all the way back. You can’t do anything in this type of cast. A shoulder is about the same and when you don’t use it, which you can’t if you broke it or have a torn rotator cuff. But I didn’t have both hands in the casts at the same time. I know someone who did. He was completely helpless. Couldn’t even unzip his pants to pee. Nor hold onto the organ used for that purpose. Couldn’t feed himself, wiping was not even considered. He said his girlfriend at the time was the best. Now that’s dedication.
prostratedragon
Robert Maxwell, His Harp And His Orchestra – “Accidental Slip On An Oriental Rug”
West of the Rockies
@SectionH:
This claim has popped up several times here in the last couple of days. How do you know McConnell is gay? He may be, which, of course, is no reason to insult him. There are a million things for which to insult him, but his sexual orientation by itself is not among them. If he is gay and closeted, one might call him cowardly and deceitful (but probably being gay in Kentucky in the mid 1960s when Mitch came of age was no picnic).
I’m not attacking you, SectionH, just hoping to find the facts.
Bonnie
Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy! (Sorry, Mom, I know you taught me better; but, you are not here.)
SectionH
@West of the Rockies: Late comment (we were out for our anniversary)
I’ve posted some of this before, but not for a long time. No, I don’t have “proof,” nor can I point you at someone who’s come out and talked about it first hand, but I lived in Kentucky for many years. My ex- MiL and SiL were both very active in the R party back then (my husband was so not into their politics, I promise you). By the mid ’70s, Mitch’s army discharge, and more importantly its suppression and what it was for, was already a known thing. Much later, the important information that was always passed to parents of sons who were going to be/considering being Senate pages was tell your son to never let himself be alone in a room with Mitch. The army discharge doesn’t even get eyebrows raised these days. I admit my eyebrows did climb when my boss (who had a 17 yr old son who briefly considered doing the Page thing) told me she’d gotten the warning).
Yeah, I noticed earlier threads today had a couple of people noting the same thing. I don’t know their sources. Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes posted a wowser story here a year, 2 years? ago. He’s a lawyer in Louisville, and his story was from some older lawyers who’d welcomed him into a morning coffee kind of group when he first started practicing, about a hair raising incident where some innocent state trooper went to investigate a car pulled over late at night on a back road outside of Louisville. Turned out it was Mitch, with a quite young male… I’d never even heard that strory, but I believe Le Comte completely. It’s a small state. If you have a college education, it’s hard to be more than 2 degrees from anybody, and often only 1.
It’s not just the hypocrisy about his sexual orientation. It’s the disappearing act with his discharge, the don’t let your kid be alone with him warnings, the grift that’s finally starting to get paid attention to. I think most Juicers think he’s vile just based on his record in the Senate, but when you scratch the surface, it gets much worse.
J R in WV
@<a href="#comment-7363812West of the Rockies:
Mitch McConnell was drafted into the Army for just a few months and then sent to a unit where they sent fuckups of all sorts, and discharged for unclear reasons at a time when that was what happened to gay soldiers.
His DD214 discharge papers haven’t been seen since he was discharged, often a sign of embarrassing data on those papers, esp back then. So at a time when people were being drafted to fill slots in the USArmy, good old boy Moscow Mitch was kicked to the curb for being some variety of a fuckup.
When I was assigned to ET school after boot camp, my new roommate (who was actually a pretty good guy) was pending discharge for being gay, although he wasn’t gay, he and his buddy took pictures of themselves with a $30 Polaroid camera and sent them to base officers in a plain brown envelope. This was several years after McConnell’s encounter with the Army brass, and was one easy way to get out if you couldn’t stand being in during 1970.
That DD214 would show a reason for discharge prior to the end of enlistment. No one has seen it. What do you think?
wasabi gasp
maybe some infection could squeeze in there and turn him into a puddle? thoughts and prayers.
wasabi gasp
peeked around some pol twitters and there was crickets for condolences. lol. fuck yo bones.
different-church-lady
I do not wish to see Mitch McConnell naked.
Spanky
@different-church-lady: I do. On the cover if the Washington Post. He and one of his “aides” in the act. Maybe get enough people in Kentucky to wake up.
Never gonna happen, of course.
Another Scott
@J R in WV: A long 2013 DK story on McConnell says he was in the reserves at the time of his discharge.
Lots of links, lots of rumors, hard to tell if anything is really there.
Powerful people pulled strings in the 1960s to keep their favorites out of Vietnam. Film at 11. :-/
Cheers,
Scott.
car accident lawyer
In addition to having difficulties dressing, I would imagine other mundane tasks like ass wiping and masturbating are also difficult and painful for him.
I had no idea he is 77 years old. If he were a human male, he would have a significantly nonzero chance of dropping dead next year. As it is, most turtle species have lifespan much longer, I am sad to say.