I Don’t Know How You Parents Do It by John Cole| September 3, 201910:41 pm| 77 CommentsThis post is in: Open ThreadsFacebookTweetEmailI only played Uncle Buck for four or five days, and I am SPENT.
Four hours with my two nieces (when they were about 8 and 12) was enough for me.
It’s why we get gray hair overnight.
And mine is only 6 months.
And we’re you having to work during this time also?
The Mets, up 10-4 going into the bottom of the 9th, pulled their best reliever after 10 pitches, and turn the “closing” duties over to Three Chumps.
Final score: Nationals 11, Mets 10
Those explosions you New Yorkers heard were the sounds of Mets fans, all over NYC, blowing their brains out. Those who chose not to take their own lives will probably consider a “blanket party” for the Mets manager and GM.
Revel in the quietude.
My father-in-law said that he didn’t know how he made it through being a parent, but that he purchased a fifth of whiskey every single week.
I am going to be the sole caretaker of my 2yo grandson for a week at the end of October, while his parents go on vacation in Italy. He’s a fun kid, but OTOH he’s not yet potty trained, nor will he be so yet by then. Oh, and I’ll also be caretaker of their normally energetic 3yo springer spaniel who just underwent ACL tear surgery, and has to be prevented from any sort of jumping or stair-climbing during the rehab period.
Had a quasi young step daughter for a while and it was not all that difficult. But she was a kid who could keep herself entertained rather easily. I did have to help take care of younger cousins when I was youngish myself. Other than that it’s been no kids other than, well me. I’m a 70 yr old kid but I finally respond well to my watcher, who is me. Learned something in 70 yrs.
Gin & Tonic
You just can’t stop to think about it.
Smedley Darlington Prunebanks (formerly Mumphrey, et al.)
We have a seven year old and a twelve year old, and we live in a big house with my wife’s mother and father. I tell people that without all that help, all four of us–my wife and I and both children–would be dead by now. And I’m only about one fifth kidding.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
@SFAW: Apologies in advance for the pedantry. Suicide jokes are not funny or remotely in decent taste. Any more than rape or homicide jokes are funny. Many of us know people who have been killed, raped and died by suicide. Some of us know people who are close to the edge of suicide. Some of us are those people.
So with all due respect, please knock it the fuck off with the “Mets fans blowing their brains out” and “those who chose not to take their own lives” garbage. It’s offensive af, and you’re making light of illnesses that are often fatal. So please stop it. Or, you do you.
Fuck all y’all callous mothrfuckers who think this kind of breezy bullshit is okay. It isn’t, though apparently it is here. I’ll show myself out.
My husband and I laughed so hard at your steak-is-not-going-to-be-above-fucking-medium tweet. You’re a legend.
Kids really do suck. Thats why Republicans only like the unborn and treat the breathing ones like parasitic vermin.
Old joke: Two psychiatrists are leaving the office for the day. In the elevator, the younger one turns to the older and says, “How do you do it? Listening to those people unburdening themselves all day, their angers and frustrations, sorrows and fears, the sheer agony of the human condition – and yet, you always look so fresh and relaxed when you leave.”
The older one replies, “Who listens?”
I Don’t Know How You Parents Do It
… says the man who faithfully dotes on a cat and three dogs and other people’s pets and babby birbs and a willow
@joel hanes: He has no choice with the willow. It’s becoming part of the house.
He puts up with the dogs and cats because otherwise they would eat him. The baby birds fly away rather quickly, so it’s mostly pictures, he doesn’t have to do anything else. Human kids require work and can talk back and yell.
Think about people who live in snowy places. They just adapt and get used to it. But if you live in a snow free place and get a freak 12 inch storm you are definitely going to be a little panicked. Glad everybody survived.
You are good people, Cole ??
The pictures from the Bahamas are terrifying?????
Mai naem mobile
I know what you mean Cole. I used to babysit my niece and nephew when they were little and I could only handle a few hours at a time and I was wiped out. I was also petrified that something awful would happen to them when I had them. I mean life changing awful. Not to turn dark but I read those occasional stories where the kid drowns in the grandparents’ pool or the grandmother runs over the kid pulling out of the carport. Jeezus. How do families like those go on? I would want to commit suicide if I was the grandparent .
@Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho:
Just been through 3 days of hell, and have spent time in 2 different ERs. And through out the one standard was that the VA constantly questions you, at most every new interaction about suicide. They take it very seriously. Because 22 vets a day commit suicide. As someone who spent almost 4 yrs on a suicide hot line and community mental health counselor your point is very valid. I don’t think that the fans should was the point of the comment you replied to but that doesn’t make your point less valid. We have a lot of human crises going on, that aren’t getting answered, suicide is one of them. I asked the other day the degree of separation from a mass shooting people were. The numbers were higher than I expected and I expected a lot more than I think most would expect. I’d bet the number of people who know of someone who committed suicide or have a very low degree is much higher than most think.
I’ll start. In boot camp, the recruit who bunked next to me attempted. 2 yrs ago a young coworker succeeded. A high school buddy. A friends daughter, they are now raising her 2 kids.
That’s the ones I know about. This is our society. This is how we care for people who are in trouble, we don’t very well.
Your point is extremely valid.
That’s what moms are for–nuturing and protection from dad’s stupid ideas and reflexive inattention.
So, if any of you remember that leaked video of “Russians” offering/working with members of Salvini’s Party in Italy, to smuggle cut price fuel from Russia, sell it at market prices, and split the profits, so the Russians will make Bank and Salvini will have an illegal and covert source of election funding,
Bellingcat’s ID’d 2 out ot three.
Alexander Dugin’s boyo’s.
(heard faintly in the distance) “Uncle John gave us beans every day!”
I got two into adulthood, both currently in college. That’s pretty much all there is, it’s mostly out of my hands now.
They have their issues, but they’re manageable. One has had a few suicide scares, which I’m thankfully well trained to handle. The other has a needle phobia (proper phobia) which has made immunizations and the usual life encounters incredibly taxing. But they are both incredibly wonderful people. Generous, kind, considerate. They’re good allies to have. That’s about all I could have hoped for really.
We had so much going for us financially. None of the financial issues my or my wife’s parents went through. I’ve been with the same employer their whole life, tons of insurance, all that. Lots of generational security.
Kids test both your energy and creativity (among other things). “If it’s not “fun”, why do it?”, so say they. Can be exhausting, for sure.
(Mine’s 3 and I’m 53. Ooooch!)
It’s all too easy to check out, but the hours can burble by if you give in, pace yourself, and let them lead.
Gotta wonder if Republicans are simply children of uninvolved parents….
That’s unfair. I mean, the ideas are stupid, but think of it as meatspace integration testing. If they don’t learn to recognize stupid ideas from dad, they’ll grow up to be rubes.
My brother, my sister, myself, my wife, have all a one time, two times, three times attempted suicide.
4 of my friends did.
One, murder suicide of his whole family.
@Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho: Hang in there.
I had 4 children in 5 1/2 years and 2 more were born 3 years later. I was for all what it took to raise the children and what else comes with living a single married Mom. The best of the experience is I have 6 children who have made me proud.
A few years ago we were at a daughter’s house for a holiday. I was seated at the far end of the long table and 5 of the children were at the other end in a huddle. I had my head down reading a magazine when I felt eyes on me. They are all smiling at me. What?! “We were talking how we never got in any big trouble growing up and we all agreed it was because of you.” It is a badge of honor for me.
Not sure it will go over well at work, but I got a new expression:
Father of three girls here. Ages 13, 16, and 21. You can’t micromanage and helecopter parent or you will go fucking insane. You teach them to be self-sufficient and raise themselves. The oldest was the most difficult. Lots of screaming and door slamming and experients with drugs and such when she was in middle and high school but she has mostly grown up and is a college senior. The other two are bright and independent and mostly easy. They do their own laundry, get them selves up, cook meals, get themselves to school, do their own clothes shopping, etc. But I think we are very luckly with the two younger ones. They are both very sensible and easy going and mostly a delight.
The younger ages with diapers and formula and having to keep track of them every second are what wears you out.
Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho
Thank you Ruckus for getting it. I’m offended by the flip remark that fans might be so bummed they’ll shoot themselves, LOL. That’s not fucking funny, at all.
And as you know, that’s not how it works. People die by suicide because they have a serious chronic illness – 22 veterans daily. Non-veterans at a lower rate, but it’s in the top 10 leading causes of death for all age groups over 10.
To make jokes that trivialize death from those illness is tasteless, and in my view, unacceptable in civil discourse. I’ll continue: the mother of a grade school class mate; the man across the street whose kids were behind me in school,;a high school classmate, 2 years after graduation; a friend who’d been my 1st teenage crush, probably 14years after he got back from the Nam; a college pal; a local judge whom I didn’t know well; 2 professional colleagues; my college boyfriend 3 years ago; a dear friend who didn’t succeed 2 years ago.
I appreciate that you’re willing to speak out on this clearly unpopular subject. Because we’re all just here for the laughs about folks getting bummed about sports and psychiatrists don’t listen to patients, LOL.
Enough. Mazel tov y’all.
Thanks again, Ruckus.
@debbie: Took, like, 4 readings before I stopped seeing:
@Ruckus: Sigh. My husband’ family had a suicide when he was in elementary school (paternal aunt). His brother threatened/attempted suicide. His dad was murdered by 2 meth heads. One of my dear friends mother was murdered a few years ago. The world is getting smaller all the time.
I think it was Kurt Vonnegut (paraphrased) who said, “God gave us puppies and kittens and rainbows and hippos and clap.” The world can be a small dark place. Or you can find joy in yourself. And it helps drive out the darkness.
What did that wise lady say? “It takes a village”? Something like that.
One of my earliest memories is of playing in a community pool before I Iearned to swim. I was maybe 5 and was messing around in the shallow end near the steps and decided that I was going to swim right then. So, I bent over into the water, started breathing in a few lung-fuls of water, and started thrashing around. Before I had time to do too much damage, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the pool. My mom wasn’t more than 10 feet away in the pool at the time.
It only takes a few seconds for something bad to happen with youngsters or oldsters. With luck, we all get through those times, and it helps a great deal to have others around at the right time who are willing and able to lend a hand.
Well, they certainly heard one of the great brain farts of all time.
@Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho:
I remembered another one. High school acquaintances who lived up the street from me, came home from school to find murder/suicide – their parents.
I was fresh out of the navy when I was that mental health counselor. I had one call in that almost 4 yrs. Sounded like a middle aged woman. We talked for 45 minutes, she was calm, she was talkative, she said goodby and hung up. I have no idea if I helped or not, I was shaking I was so terrified that I failed her. My co-counselor was a mom, a woman about my moms age, she said, you gave her 45 minutes. It didn’t feel anything like enough. But often that’s all there is. Or even less.
You don’t have to actually make the kids 3 foot pancakes.
@Alternative Fax: Some of us depressives need black humor to get us through the day, including jokes about death and suicide. That’s not to trivialize or diminish your experience, but mine is different.
TS (the original)
Grandchildren are the reward for being a parent. If only there was a way to be a grandparent without the intervening parenting
One really only has one thing. Attitude. You can have a good one or a bad one. A good one takes more work to get to but it is easy to maintain. Even in the face of, or maybe because of, all the shit that life throws at you. In the last 6 days, I’ve taken my first ambulance ride in 70 yrs, spent a total of about 12 hrs, in two different ER departments, about 6 hrs at the VA hospital and am now waiting for a neurosurgeon to call me and arrange an appointment to see what we need to do next. During that time I’ve had numerous tests, 2 MRI scans of what little remains of my brain and I’ve had to tell 3 doctors that my standard personality is smart ass, sarcastic or attempting to be funny. Because that’s how I cope. Have a good attitude, don’t take yourself too seriously, no body else does, enjoy the simple things, enjoy the complex things, live like there is no tomorrow, but know there will be and look at life as an adventure. You only get one shot at it, don’t waste it on bullshit. And just in case you wonder, I’m going for at least a year longer than mom, that would be another 25 for a grand total of 95. And she was shooting for 91 and ran right on by that to 94.
Tch. I’d forget my head if it wasn’t tied on.
How is Gerald’s mother?
@rikyrah: Rachel led tonight with the Prime Minister of the Bahamas. He sounded optimistic that his people would recover from this devastation. And they might, but oh man will they need some help.
John we do it because we end up with kids and a family and that doesn’t go away. You just keep going ahead and do it. It gets better, really.
Kay (not the front-pager)
They start out small and somewhat manageable. Then it’s combination of the parent building up the care-taking “muscle” combined with the kid wearing you down to the point you don’t even recognize how exhausted you are.
@Ruckus: Good for her. Parents always want their kids to do better than they did. I’m rooting for you. If we could just find out what Keith Richards diet has that keeps him going. ?
@Kay (not the front-pager):
Does sound about right from all I’ve observed and experienced, as both a kid and an adult somewhat in charge.
I suspect Keef’s diet would kill most of us.
@Amir Khalid: Probably. But Damn what a ride!
@Keith P.: Speaking of Uncle Buck – https://youtu.be/WMj7G-U3LW8
@Kay (not the front-pager): My mom raised me and my autistic brother pretty much by herself for a good part of our young childhood. Through the times when she didn’t have a car and had to take the bus to work or to get groceries. I can remember several times when I was tired and threw a tantrum, demanding that she carry me. Somehow, she managed to find the energy to do so…
Yeah. What’s the hurricane rating on this country? JFC
Keith Richards alive not because of his diet, but because Betty White is his grandmother,
Who as God has said,” was here when I got here.”
I think he smokes and drinks. And his body is too scared to die, hell might be worse.
Really I’d bet he’s just one of those lucky people who live through shit that would kill most anyone else. I knew a man, written about him here before, I met him when he was 95, which was somewhere back around 1995. He looked and acted like a very healthy 65 yr old. I saw him once a year for the next 9 yrs till he passed at 103. He was amazing till 101. After that…… As a youngster he raced motorcycles on board and dirt tracks. When I met him he was the oldest living survivor of the board track sport. Board tracks were ruff sawn lumber, banked speedways, there were several in socal 100 yrs ago. My dad used to go to the races as a kid. Between the splinters, the crashes, the really early motorcycles without brakes, he won several championships.
Trivia: Just checked, and Don doesn’t show up on the lists of names for hurricanes until 2023.
“Massive air drops of rolls of paper towels into the storm? Yes, sir, we’ll, uh, get right on that.”
@NotMax: How about Ivanka, Eric, or Jared?
Ooh, “The Testaments,” Margaret Atwood’s long-awaited sequel to “The Handmaid’s Tale,” is out Tuesday and one of the narrators is Aunt Lydia.
Sadly, no. Closest are Erick (Pacific names list from 2018, to come around again in 2025’s list) and Ivana on Australia’s list of cyclone names.
Correction – Erick in 2019’s Pacific list.
@NotMax: Before or after the atomic bomb?
¿Por qué no los dos?
That way Koch Industries (Brawny) gets paid twice.
Good on ya for pitching in.
All Parents Everywhere
@SFAW: Braves fans also like “thanks for nothing Mets.”
@Jay: So Fox News finally concedes that the KKK isn’t a bunch of Democrats. I choose to see this as progress.
@debbie: Funny thing, just about the time that Grumpf made that comment I picked up** a copy of The Year’s Best Science Fitction, Ninth Annual Collection, ed. Gardner Dozois (RIP), & a few days later read in it Rick Shelley’s “Eyewall,” a novelette about – nuking hurricanes (on a distant planet). Of course the story was written in 1991…
**A freebie from The Book Thing of Baltimore, natch.
Work is just a lot easier, if it’s the work that you really want to be involved with and gives you purpose.
Grad school was a hell of a lot more work than undergrad, but it was easier for me because I got a bachelor’s because that’s what upper-middle-class kids like me were supposed to do, but I honestly didn’t give a damn. But when I went to grad school after six or seven years in the work force, it was because that’s what I really wanted and needed to do, and while I won’t say I kicked butt, I was a hell of a lot more on top of things than I’d ever been as an undergrad, or even in high school.
Same thing with being a parent, at least in my case. This is the thing I’ve wanted for so long to be. The thousands of hours I’ve spent with my son as he’s grown from a baby to an adolescent (which is where we are now) aren’t time away from what I really wanted to be doing, they are what I’ve wanted to be doing. Yeah, it’s meant that my wife and I have bent our lives and schedules around this crazy, wonderful kid, but that means I have this crazy, wonderful kid in my life.
Sure, it’s a lot of work, but life involves a lot of work. But if you’re hitched to the right plow, that makes all the difference.
@Ruckus: Ruckus: You are a treasure. Sending healing thoughts your way.
On Alt Fax’s point, a friend’s next door neighbor recently died in a house fire. Her husband killed himself today while sitting in a car in his driveway. His son saw what was happening and tried to get to his father but the doors were locked. So sad.
I only played Uncle Buck for four or five days, and I am SPENT.
Of course you are. They showed up on your porch already mobile, curious, and completely cut off from their routine and rituals (like dogs, kids do well with rituals). They didn’t know what your limits were and pushed to find out. With their parents, much of that has been worked out over the course of years. It’s an ongoing thing as they grow, of course, but you had to try to cope with it all at once.
Tell me you rolled up the windows, farted, and explained climate change. Tell me you did this.
Anyway, it’s long past time for retiring this Uncle Buck charade. Change your name to Buck Naked, and run for Senate.