Today was supposed to be awesome, because Thurston’s sister Lovey was coming for a visit. I worked all morning and got all my chores out of the way (sauerkraut canned, beans cleaned and canned, last of the tomatoes in the dehydrator, etc.), and RIGHT before Lovey arrived, I was carving a watermelon so I could refrigerate the fruit and pickle the rinds, and I stabbed myself in the fucking palm with a 10″ chef knife. More on that in a bit.
So Lovey and Koda and commenter Geg and her husband arrived, and Thurston and Lovey were reunited for the first time since they were separated several years ago. I am here to report that they do not miss each other ONE BIT. They were completely and totally uninterested in each other, and Lovey was a nervous wreck. She did seem to remember me, and I missed this sweet little face:
Like I said, they were completely uninterested in each other, but it was a fun visit anyway, and amusing to see how many little personality quirks Thurston and Lovey share. That being said, when it was time to go, Lovey was ready:
Back to the stabby stab. I was kind of distracted the entire visit because as I noted, I had impaled my palm with a chef knife while cutting a watermelon. I had washed it and not dried it off, and it just slipped and I stabbed myself. I didn’t use a serrated edged knife because the other one was already out and dirty, so I didn’t bother. And I paid the price:
After they left, I went to one of those urgent care places for stitches, and they cleaned it all up for me, and it is not super huge, but it is deep.
When it happened, I was using a good bit of force and I keep my knives razor sharp, so it went right through the meat of my hand and hit the bone. My first thought was concerning tendons and ligaments, but I can move all my fingers just fine, and there was no nerve damage (I rubbed a pen all over every square inch of my hand and could feel it), so I assumed it would be a quick stitches and done.
I was wrong. Oh, and before I forget, the doctor and I had an argument about the pain scale, which always strikes me as a stupid way to gauge pain. I also never remember how the damned thing is constructed, whether it is linear and each discrete unit is equal, so a move from 1-2 is equal as a move from 2-3, or if it is like the richter scale and logarithmic, so I had to have him explain it which irritated him as much as me. Then I thought too much about it because how am I supposed to know what the worst pain I have ever been in is because when I was in it I was also on a lot of heavy drugs, so having a 1 stand for very little pain and a 10 standing for the worst pain ever isn’t really helpful. Finally I just told him that I couldn’t assign it a number but that it doesn’t hurt when I am not doing anything but if I press on it or move it hurts like I stabbed myself with a fucking chef knife.
At this point, we were both disgusted with each other, and even though he had determined that there was no real structural damage to tendons or ligaments, he could not look into it deep enough to determine if I had damaged the bone, so I needed to go to the ER. They then put this ridiculous god damned thing on me for a 3 mile trip to the hospital:
I’ve seen less bandaging on gunshot victims and amputees. I finally got out of that worthless place, and headed over to the ER, and as soon as I got through the automatic sliding doors I was hit with a wave of stench that was equal parts beer, the smell of people who chainsmoke in denim and never wash their clothes, and baby vomit. Every single seat in the waiting room was taken, and there were about 20 people standing. I muttered “Oh, fuck this” and did an about face and drove to the pharmacy. Picked up some second skin, some gauze, and some tape, got home and cleaned the wound again, glued it, and patched myself up.
If it does anything funny overnight I will head back to the ER, and if it is not healing on its own tomorrow or Monday, I will head back, but I am done with this bullshit.
So that was my day. You?
Omnes Omnibus
Keeping knives razor sharp is supposed to help avoid things like this.
Betty Cracker
Jesus, John! What a clusterfuck! Love your description of the stench:
Exactly.
PS: Lovey is a DOLL!
rikyrah
Oh Cole,
Hope that nothing goes worse with the hand??
I would like to say that I am surprised at your accident, but , it is you, Cole?
Sending positive thoughts ?
dmsilev
Duct tape.
Somehow, this doesn’t surprise.
seefleur
Ok – from this lurker, it’s nice to see that your consistency is so CONSISTENT. Naked mopping to hand-stabbing… you have such a gift for telling your day-to-day story, and I thank you for allowing me (and the Jackaltariat) such an in-depth view of life in the JGCole world of wonder. As an aside, I still have a scar from when I managed to stab myself while trying to cut a frozen bagel – my kids still use that as a “what-not-to-do” story, and it happened over 20 years ago. (Those assholes have very long memories, rather like their mother…) Carry on John! And I would bet that your fix is better than what the ER would have done – and a hell of a lot cheaper too.
Omnes Omnibus
@dmsilev: I am a bit surprised that he felt a gauze pad was needed with the duct tape.
dmsilev
@Omnes Omnibus: Fair point.
Hawes
I would ask you if your tetanus is updated, but it sounds like you would just inject yourself with a boiled nail and call it good.
Mary G
Yay Lovey! She and Thurston are both full of personality. Wish you had a picture of sweet Koda too. Be careful with that hand. Deep wounds can be trouble.
sukabi
??? Pretty sure you were sent to the ER because you were arguing with the doctor. You’re lucky he only bandaged your hand and not around your mouth.?
Also, probably a large % of the stinky people in the ER were sent by that same Dr. …he knew what he was sending you into. ???
NotMax
Betadine? Neosporin? Rubbing alcohol? Sauerkraut juice? Anything?
Another Scott
Ouch.
I remember messing around on a school bus one day and getting stabbed in the palm with a ballpoint pen. It was one of those with about a 1/4″ long exposed metal tube with the ball at the end. The tube went all the way in. It was weird because it didn’t bleed and it didn’t hurt. Hands are strange… (I didn’t go to the nurse/doc, so you’re several steps ahead.)
You’re right to keep an eye on it. Keep it clean. Good luck!
Cheers,
Scott.
Zelma
What next, John? If you didn’t have bad luck you wouldn’t have any! Take care of yourself.
Lynn Dee
@Hawes: Ha! I was thinking of asking him if he stores his knives in the dirt in his back yard because in that case tetanus and flesh-eating bacteria might be concerns. Otherwise … should be okay?
Toine
Antonio Brown to the Patriots… 1 more happy ending?
ba-da boom… thank you ladies and gents… I’m here all night…
geg6
@Mary G:
I sent him one, I think, but it might be a long shot as she was all about hanging in the yard.
Lynn Dee
@Betty Cracker: Yeah, that description was on the money!
mskitty
Looks good. Antibiotic, maybe, if it pinks up, but any old doc in a box can do that.
dexwood
I think the Urgent Care doc was fucking with you by sending you to ER. In his mind, you were a difficult patient. Been there myself, have an entry in my records stating so because I asked questions.. Agree with you about the silly pain scale. I’ve had a conversation or two with doctors and nurses over the years regarding it.
Still fired up from the Los Lobos/Mavericks show we attended under a New Mexico sky last night.
geg6
Oh, and the willow is truly too close to the house. ?
Sloane Ranger
Ye Gods man! You can not be trusted with sharp implements!
Stay away from knives, forks, rakes, anything that cuts or impales- in fact, stay a padded room for own safety!
You are our blog host, your continued health and safety are important to us.
Redshift
This is your fault, jackals! Wasn’t it just a day or two ago that some of you were complaining about the lack of bizarre adventures like naked mopping?
Gelfling 545
Hope you heal quickly & uncomplicatedly ( if that’s a word) , John.
I’d like to say thanks to all who offered words of comfort yesterday on Mewtant’s passing. It helped a lot.
geg6
@Redshift:
That very same thought went through my head.
geg6
So off to eat some excellent local BBQ brisket. Yum, yum, yum.
NotMax
J. G. Cole, Dean of Danger, coming to a streaming service near you.
;)
Redshift
About the pain scale, I feel your pain and refer you to this.
Yarrow
@Redshift: Was just going to say that! Thanks, John, for providing another entertaining story.
Good luck with the hand. Sounds really painful.
@Omnes Omnibus: That’s what I’ve heard but it seems like when the knives slip then things like this happen.
Doug R
I know it’s a little late, but I bought my wife one of these after she cut part of one of her fingers off:
https://gourmetwarehouse.ca/cut-resistant-mesh-cutting-glove-large/
karen marie
Skin glue freaks me out. I’ve always been of the “let it breath” school of wound care.
WaterGirl
Yikes, John! I’m glad you didn’t do any more damage than that!
Is this going to slow down all your canning? Perhaps the girl next door could be your new assistant in the kitchen?
NotMax
Missed an opportunity by not titling this post Palm Saturday.
:)
debbie
@karen marie:
Me too on the “let it breathe,” along with peroxide and Neosporin.
?BillinGlendaleCA
(Changes number on the sign above my computer monitor, “Days since Cole injured himself” back to zero.)
Baud
I hope that’s not your masterbating hand.
Sloane Ranger
OT – Amber Rudd, UK Work and Pensions Secretary has just resigned from the Government and the Tory whip saying she doesn’t believe Johnson wants a deal and can’t stand by while moderate Tories are expelled from the Party.
BoJo’s Government is imploding faster than anyone expected.
Baud
@Sloane Ranger:
Can you imagine Republicans doing that?
(The answer is no.)
opiejeanne
The duct tape just makes this story.
Good idea, taking care of this yourself instead of sitting around in that waiting room from hell. If you did damage the bone, is there anything they could do for it?
Brings back unhappy memory of the waiting room at the emergency room in Upland, after banging my head and being sent for an MRI last spring. I didn’t have a hematoma, thank goodness but that waiting room was an experience. it wasn’t the smell so much as there being no place to sit, and people who were possibly dying having to sit in wheelchairs in the waiting area.
Yarrow
@Sloane Ranger:
It truly is amazing just how bad it is.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@opiejeanne: Unpossible, I’m told we have the Best Healthcare in the World*, no waiting, ever. Not like that hellhole Canada.
*Best Healthcare in the World is a Registered Trademark of the Republican Party.
Yarrow
@karen marie: According to my dad’s doctors you kind of need both, depending on where in the process the wound is. Initially it should stay covered to let healing begin, so long as there is no chance of infection. After a bit–depends on the type of wound–it should be uncovered to breathe. Washed as well, but again, depends on type of wound. Main thing is avoid infection.
Ruckus
Cole.
That is small time. I once tried to cut off my thumb. Not on fucking purpose….. Made it just over half way. The bone stopped the razor knife. Not of course unscathed. Internal stitches to hold the tendon and artery together and about 10 to close the skin. Then in a cast to hold everything in place for 6 weeks, then weeks of PT to attempt to get back function. Damn if it didn’t work. The most fun part was climbing off the machine I was working on while spurting blood with every heart beat and not filling the cut with grease. Left a trail of blood into my clients office then told him a ride to the hospital would be nice. And all you did was stab yourself? That little cut is about the least you could have done with a razor sharp 10in chief’s knife.
Just One More Canuck
Only a good guy with a watermelon can stop a bad guy with a watermelon
opiejeanne
@Omnes Omnibus: He mentioned not using a serrated knife. That’s part of why this happened, although those can cause nasty cuts too.
JPL
Well at least your not president dumb shit who thought it was a good idea to invite the leader of the Taliban to Camp David four days before the anniversary of 9/11. He canceled cuz they killed some people.
donnah
Oh, John, I hope it heals quickly with no complications.
I neatly sliced off the tip and part of my index fingernail a few weeks ago. It immediately bled like the proverbial firehose and I thought I could run cold water over it to rinse it and when the water hit the expised nerve endings, it felt like a bolt of lightning hit me. Then I felt light-headed and woozy, but packed it with layers of Neosporin and gauze. And it bled through that instantly, so I repeated the process over again.
I won’t give more gory details, but there wasn’t anything that could be stitched, so I toughed it out for the following week, changing the dressing twice a day and not looking at it while it was uncovered.
Happy to say it healed up well, the nail is growing back, but if I hit it wrong, there’s still some lightning,
opiejeanne
@Redshift: Yes, her pain chart was better.
I don’t understand why the doc bothered to ask him how badly it hurt. He cut himself, patch it the hell up.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Ruckus: Obviously, you’re not a Cole; remember Cole the Senior only has a portion of one of his thumbs.
Ruckus
@opiejeanne:
Last week I was a patient in 2 ER rooms, one Wed and one Fri. This getting old shit is getting old.
NotMax
@opiejeanne
Would never think to use a serrated knife to cut into a watermelon unless my goal was to throw away an irremedially dulled serrated knife afterwards.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@opiejeanne: It’s West “By God” Virginia, if it’s above a 5 they give you a month’s supply of oxy.
namekarB
Sounds like you and the Doc were talking past each other. Doc just wanted to know whether over the counter pain meds would suffice (or if you needed something stronger prescribed) and you were over thinking that the Doc had some government pain report that had to be filled out accurately
CaseyL
John, you get MAJOR points for playing host after stabbing yourself in the hand. “Kind of distracted” – hah! I think I’d’ve spent most of the visit wriggling my fingers – just to make sure I still *could* – which would have probably distracted my guests.
You lead an interesting life, O Bloghost. Are there any parts of your body left that haven’t, at some point, been perforated, bashed, scraped raw, or crushed?
MisterForkbeard
John Cole has my sympathies. I managed to staple myself in the pinkie today with an office stapler while I was trying to clear a jam.
Thing went straight in and felt like it hit the bone. Bled a fair bit and then I put neosporin and a bandaid on it and it’s a little sore but basically fine now.
Clearly, just as bad as Cole. :)
NotMax
@BillinGlendaleCA
And if it is under 5 you get a two month supply.
;)
?BillinGlendaleCA
@MisterForkbeard:
No paper cut? Obviously not as bad as Cole.
JPL
Ouch. When you hit the bone it does hurt. I don’t think that Lovey is going to return anytime soon..
Ruckus
@Redshift:
Described my pain scale to a doc once. He appreciated it.
1-10 is the docs regular scale, ten being that you need to be sedated.
11 is that you wish someone would just shoot you and get it over with.
12 is that you’d shoot yourself if it didn’t hurt so bad you can’t fucking move. I’ve had migraines at this level. I’ve been hit by a truck, and that was not when I was in another vehicle, that was a six, maybe seven.
opiejeanne
@?BillinGlendaleCA: The emergency room at our local hospital is not like this. I’ve been there twice: once when the cat lost her balance and in her panic grabbed my right hand and caused some temporary (6 months) nerve damage, and the other was the day before Thanksgiving when my appendix decided to cause problems. Of course, neither visit was on a Saturday evening.
Chris
Oh man, literally can’t tell you how many times my husband has come home with finger and hand cuts like (and worse) than this over 30 years. He’s a construction electrician and its par for the course. He literally just wraps it up with black electrical tape and goes back to work. Ugh. Only once with a super bad one was I able to get him in for stitches. I always have second skin on hand. That stuff smells like paint thinner but it really works.
Suzanne
Dude, Cole. Just answer the pain question next time. It’s not precise. It’s all relative. They know it’s not a measurable thing.
I am a firm believer in never pissing off healthcare workers.
dmsilev
I guess it could be worse. Classmate of mine in grad school owned a katana. Not sure why, probably because he thought it looked cool. Anyway, he used that one day to cut a watermelon in half. It worked. Now, imagine Cole with a large and very sharp sword…
Baud
@?BillinGlendaleCA:
Heh.
NotMax
@Ruckus
Just tell ’em it feels like getting a full body root canal and let them do the math.
Have no point of memory reference from what was the occasion of probably the worst pain I’ve ever experienced as I went into shock almost immediately.
Ruckus
@dmsilev:
NO! I’m not going to and you can’t make me!
Sometimes you just have to protect yourself from thoughts that make the world a less safe place.
Another Scott
So, the Twitter machine is telling me that Donnie was going to have the Taliban meet with him and the Afghan president at Camp David just before 9/11.
Because of course he was…
Cheers,
Scott.
Elizabelle
@ Cole: glad you are on the mend, and watching that deep cut. Ouch.
Interesting that Lovey and Thurston did not remember each other much. Sounds like Lovey was worrying she was being returned under warranty. One relieved dog to hit the highway home.
Good to see the bandaging. Worried you were going to bleed all over the new couch and then blame Thurston and Lovey for it.
John Revolta
@Sloane Ranger: Looks to me like the Tories are going through their Gingrichization period. In ten years, maybe less all the moderates will be gone and there’ll be nothing but drooling Godbotherers. Not to say they won’t still be in power.
Ruckus
@NotMax:
The proper response to pain over 10. And anything less than 8 really is just annoying any more.
opiejeanne
@Ruckus: Jesus!
My appendix emergency was a very pleasant episode by comparison.
In reality it was not particularly unpleasant. The pain wasn’t terrible, maybe a 6. Woke me up. More weird than anything. Manageable by moving carefully. It was so early the advice nurse at the walk-in clinic hadn’t checked in yet, but she called me back within ten minutes. She sent me straight to the hospital, and Dave drove me. They had me hooked up to the good stuff within 10 minutes and the rest was just waiting until there was a surgeon available and no one in worse shape. I think we checked in at 7:30am, surgery was after 8pm. Sent me home on Thanksgiving at 10am. The kids cooked everything except for the pies. I got up off the couch and made pie crust then went back to the couch. It was a nice day.
Ruckus
@Another Scott:
He’s not real bright. A point he tries successfully to prove every day.
opiejeanne
@Ruckus: yeah, I remember. What was the verdict?
ixnay
@debbie: Peroxide is overrated. Exciting foam, but it kills off healing cells. Close approximation (unfortunately, a technical term) is the best bet for rapid healing, esp. of a deep wound, and assuming adequate disinfection. Of course, vigilance wrt heat, swelling, pain. Times about 10 if it is a hand wound. Cole, not a time to be stoic if you like working with your hands. At least the tendons seem to work.
opiejeanne
@NotMax: I have a cheap serrated knife, works great and I’ve had it for years. Thing has nasty sharp long teeth. I don’t use the carving knife nor the bread knife on watermelons, but I have had to remove those from mr opiejeanne’s hand a couple of times before he tried it.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Another Scott: he was a planning a major summit/peace negotiation starting tonight, and this morning he…. was at his golf course. And a few hours later, he cancelled the whole thing.
Three tweet thread by The Beast itself, almost certainly lying about one or more aspect of this.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
honest to god, it’s almost supernatural
January, 2012
Mary G
@donnah: Ugh, I did that on my first ever job. I was 15 and working at KFC where we also sold deli sandwiches. We cleaned the big circular saw meat slicer by holding a wet towel on the blade and turning it on. I was doing it one night and saw one of those arcing blood sprays hit the wall. I didn’t even feel it at first, but I had sliced off half a fingertip and nail. The doctor said I would probably need a skin graft, but it healed on its own like yours did. It looks fine on top, but underneath there’s a scar and the nail is a bit twisted.
The worst part was having to stand with that towel on my finger while my mom made the manager come in so she could read him the riot act and take him around the whole kitchen to show him all the code violations we had. She had a degree in food science and was the director of all the cafeterias in the school district, so she knew her stuff.
Baud
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
It’s amazing how old Trump and new Trump are 180° apart and still equally evil.
opiejeanne
@?BillinGlendaleCA: I have only ever had prescriptions for 10 at a time. I can’t take more than 2 of any of the good stuff, because I start itching all over, I’m high as a kite, and I end up vomiting.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: It is truly amazing.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@opiejeanne:
Well, you’re not in West “By God” Virginia.
ThresherK
Does “John Cole Presents ‘This Fcking Old House’ ” include Cole’s litany of self-inflicted injuries, or should a new tag item be added?
Elizabelle
@ Geg and JCole: Did you get a sense that Lovey remembered Lily or Rosie? Did she romp with any of them?
jl
Thanks for update from Cole. Too bad the doggy play date wasn’t up to expectations.
I can’t follow how Cole cut himself like that while trying to slice a watermelon. It was a watermelon, right? (checking…. yes… watermelon).
I’ve reviewed all the ways in which I have tried to cut a watermelon open over the years and I can’t recall anything that would produce Cole’s result.
ThresherK
Anyone else read the post headline and their brain just completed it like the end of a Red Green Show episode?
“Well, it’s been Another Exciting Fun-Filled Day here at Possum Lodge…”
Ohio Mom
I hope to hell Cole is up to date on his tetanus.
debbie
@ixnay:
Clueless as to what that means, but I only use peroxide once or twice at the beginning, until the redness is gone.
debbie
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
Can even the plan to meet be confirmed? He’s such a liar about everything else (“I got another beautiful letter…”), I’m wondering if he’s now trying to distract from SharpieGate.
Amir Khalid
@jl:
I have cut open a watermelon or two in my time. I never got my hands bloody doing it, fortunately, but I did get them wet. I have a suspicion that the Bloglord tried holding said fruit in one hand while stabbing through it with the knife: breaking the safety rule that you NEVER thrust a sharp pointy thing in the direction of any part of your own physical self.
Cheryl Rofer
@debbie:
opiejeanne
@Another Scott: I wonder how much steaming went on in that meeting when they told him NO! BAD DONNIE!
Ruckus
@opiejeanne:
No one is really sure. Two MRI brain scans a week ago Friday and nothing solid. Of course that’s not all bad, they didn’t have to do emergency surgery or find a priest. Not that a priest would have helped me at all….. And all you smart asses I did not say they found nothing……
Appointment with neruo on Monday. At least they’ve said something is going on. I have questions, let’s see if any answers might be forthcoming. I haven’t put 911 on speed dial. Yet.
debbie
@Cheryl Rofer:
My money is on that he thought up the idea, but had to be reminded about 9/11. But if anyone else came up with the idea (Jared?), they need to be tossed out of the White House.
mrmoshpotato
@?BillinGlendaleCA: At a fraction of the cost!
(What a fraction of zero?)
debbie
@Ruckus:
I missed all this, but good luck on Monday.
The Golux
@Yarrow:
If, by “bad”, you mean “splendid”, or “schadenfreudelicious”.
Ruckus
@opiejeanne:
That sounds better than my hernia surgery. Operation, no sweat, woke up buddy took me home. Next day in the shower a bit of a shock as pretty much everything between belly button and crotch was very black and blue.
EVERYTHING. If you get my drift.
Interesting calling the surgical hotline the VA has, talking to the nurse…….
Scuffletuffle
@ThresherK: God, I miss that show!
Cheryl Rofer
@debbie:
Now there’s this:
Which gives me a theory: Trump needs a win, so he wanted one of his glorious signing ceremonies, so he agreed with whatever. Then someone (John Bolton, maybe?) told him that there was something in the agreement he wouldn’t like, so he shut things down.
Alternatively: This is Trump’s idea of getting a better deal. He brags about how he is willing to walk away.
Could be anything, really.
opiejeanne
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Yes, and I thank God for that.
I have a drawer full of bottles with the remaining 7 or 8 pills, enough to entertain Rush for a day or two, maybe.
The Golux
@Omnes Omnibus:
My son, who is a chef, is a knife aficionado, and has become expert in sharpening knives. His knives (almost exclusively Japanese steel) are in another dimension of sharpness. “Razor sharp” is hopelessly inadequate to describe them.
mrmoshpotato
@Cheryl Rofer: Everyone knows that you start negotiations by yelling, flipping a table and punching a baby.
Patricia Kayden
I was cringing all through your story, John. I’ve cut myself a few times but thankfully not straight to the bone. Hope your hand heals quickly and with no more drama.
Mart
@Doug R: I bought cut resistant gloves after buying a crazy sharp chefs knife that seemed to find a way to cut me when I looked at it wrong. Really helped with reducing the blood letting. So sensitive to knife cuts that when watching a giant blade flesh cutting scene in the Fargo TV show I lurched so hard my beer exited my glass and came down on my head.
mrmoshpotato
@opiejeanne: I got 30 hydrocodone when I got my wisdom teeth extracted. Took only 1 or 2.
debbie
@Cheryl Rofer:
I remember hearing that the negotiators refused to show the agreement to Bolton, even though he asked for a copy of it.
opiejeanne
@opiejeanne: That was supposed to be screaming. Wonder how much screaming went on in the WH to get that BS meeting cancelled. That was before I decided the whole thing might be BS, there was no meeting, and he’s just a fucking liar.
Ruckus
@ixnay:
I am a machinist and we get cuts and small bits of metal in our hands all the time, it’s just part of the pay. We have a couple large bottles of hydrogen peroxide for cleaning the wound. Without doing that the risk is much greater of infection. Neosporin and bandaids are next.
geg6
@Elizabelle:
Lily made herself pretty scarce. I think Koda scared her because of size. She was huge next to all the other pups. Rosie was a sweetheart. She kept coming to me for pets. I love her. Thurston, too. He’s a sweet boy. But I have to say, I get it when Cole complains about Thurston’s barking. It’s a very high pitch and would drive me nuts, too. Lovey is a barker, too, but her bark is deeper and not quite as irritating. But he a very sweet boy, very friendly and loving.
debbie
@Patricia Kayden:
I once broke a glass jamming a sponge into it and cut my thumb at the joint through to the bone. Kind of cool to see at first, but wore very thin after waiting 4 hours to be seen in the Lennox Hill ER.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Ruckus:
Liquid? Gas?
Yarrow
But of course.
opiejeanne
@Ruckus: EEK!!!
My surgery was laparascopic. Went in through my belly button. The surgeon was worried that I might be upset with the scar if they had to open me up for any reason. I think I rolled my eyes a bit. I pointed out that at 66 I was done with bikinis.
Ruckus
@opiejeanne:
Always go with the sure bet first. People say he weighs over 300 lbs, I say he’s about 90 lbs of drumpy and 210 lbs of lying sack of shit. Lying sack of shit wins the argument every time.
mrmoshpotato
@?BillinGlendaleCA: Plasma!
yellowdog
@Ruckus: Okay if we’re comparing pain experiences–I had a kidney stone attack AND labor pains at the same time.
Ruckus
@opiejeanne:
My doc said that for hernia, old school was better for mesh placement and securing. Laparoscopic just didn’t give him enough control. So I have a nice scar. Or at least a scar. It’s not my only one.
Steeplejack (phone)
@geg6:
I knew it! ?
mrmoshpotato
@Steeplejack (phone): @geg6: ?
Ruckus
@yellowdog:
I understand neither of those are all that pleasant. And one of those I can’t even imagine, let alone experience. My age you understand……..
Was the outcome what you hoped for and good in the end?
Chief Oshkosh
And just think, if you’d done this in Paris, the national medical service would’ve sent a nurse to you. A nice nurse. One who would not make fun of you. About this self-inflicted wound. She probably would’ve made fun of you about the mustard, though. Snorting in that way that only Parisians snort. About mustard. But wounds? Never. Those aren’t funny. Hope it’s all better tomorrow.
opiejeanne
@mrmoshpotato: I had my wisdom teeth out in January following that appendectomy. They gave me 5, I think. I really wondered at that, but I only needed 1. I was fine after that but I didn’t eat much for a week, just chicken broth.
opiejeanne
@yellowdog: This really wasn’t meant to be a competition, but I think you win.
opiejeanne
@Chief Oshkosh: Paris is a wonderful place to be treated for medical problems, if you have to do so while on vacation.
Elizabelle
@geg6: Thurston. Lovable but (literally) shrill. A sweet boy. Got it.
Glad you all had a good meetup, injury excepted.
RAVEN
@yellowdog: I broke my left leg in 18 fragments in 8th grade and fractured my 6th thoracic vertebrae in 75.
Kay
It’s true. Why are our far Right men tiny?
Kay
Saddest intro ever.
Just make up a number for the pain scale, John. That’s what everyone else does.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Kay: I didn’t notice at first, but Wilders does have an enormous melon
Wilders deleted that tweet, I’m guessing after some panicked communication with Senator Graham’s office. Though Lindsey’s so far gone, and I doubt many people in So Carolina would be bothered.
jl
@Amir Khalid: Thanks for the surmise. I have two comments:
One.
“I have a suspicion that the Bloglord tried holding said fruit in one hand while stabbing through it with the knife”
Then Cole’s gone mad. No sane person would do that.
Two.
You’re probably very experienced in opening ripe durians, so you live a realm of large fruit opening which is far beyond our American ken, and can be no comparison between how you slice open watermelons and anything that happens over here.
Kay
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
I can’t stop looking at it. We need more pictures! For comparisons. They need to have a white supremacist convention. Get ’em all in one room and match them up. For science.
NotMax
@Kay
“Six point three five seven nine nine two, plus or minus point zero zero zero zero zero five.”
:)
Kay
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
So now hurricane reports are fake, huh? President Trump…controls the weather. In loonyland. Where we live.
Those poor people who work there. They have to quit. They have no choice. I mean, why bother doing your work at all? Just wait for Trump’s tweet and that’s the weather report.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
but has he called them radical islamic terrorists? That was quite important to his people three years ago
NotMax
@Jim, Foolish Literalist
At the airport: “About these contacts on your phone….”
//
Kay
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
I don’t know- is it even true? Coin flip it’s a complete fabrication. It could be anything from “a complete lie” to “mostly a lie” – at this point who the fuck knows what any of these people do or don’t do? Which one of them is the reliable reporter? Who verifies what Trump says? All of these “deals” that “fell thru” could have been wholly invented.
Steve in the ATL
@?BillinGlendaleCA: he’s trying to avoid having to admit that “brain scans were negative”
Ruckus
@opiejeanne:
I’d have to agree but @RAVEN: may be giving her a run for the money. And I do not want to find out personally.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Kay: as @Cheryl Rofer: all possibilities are equally likely, but a big splashy signing ceremony would be his style. And his weird lizard brain may have some vague recollection that signing things at Camp David is a big deal
Ruckus
@Steve in the ATL:
They actually aren’t negative nor were they blank. I have an aneurism but they don’t think it is a cause as they went back and looked at an MRI I had 2 yrs ago and it was there then.
I think they are going with Medical Mystery for $400. It’s possible I have brain surgery in my future. I’m going with Oh Shit for $400.
NotMax
@Jim, Foolish Literalist
Executive order renaming it to Camp Donald forthcoming?
Gin & Tonic
I argued the futility of pain scales with my physical therapist all the time. I told her real pain was when they were yanking on my arm trying in vain to set it. The rest is just noise in comparison.
Lurking Vermonter
This lurking Vermonter is moved to mention this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Bag-Balm-Duct-Tape-Vermont/dp/0316152587?SubscriptionId=AKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q&tag=duckduckgo-ffsb-20&linkCode=xm2&camp=2025&creative=165953&creativeASIN=0316152587
Kay
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
This is his style too, though. He announces he didn’t get a deal because someone or other wouldn’t meet his terms. He only does no deal announcements. The no deal announcements are the only evidence that he works on these things at all.
We know how much he works in a day. Subtract the golf and the tweeting and the Fox watching and it’s about an hour. He so far has NOT made a deal with Mexico, Iran, North Korea, China and now Afghanistan. There’s more evidence he does nothing than evidence of these supposed deals.
Kay
@Gin & Tonic:
Agreed. That’s the ten. I didn’t know you could break out in a pouring sweat from pain until that. Everything else is between 1 and THAT.
opiejeanne
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
and he’s too dumb to understand that getting this is not the equivalent of getting Begin and Sadat to agree to a peace plan. The Taliban is not the equivalent of Egypt.
CliosFanBoy
more dog pics, fewer wound pics please.
mkd
@NotMax:
Cheryl Rofer
It’s looking like Ashraf Ghani, Afghanistan’s president, called off his meeting long before Trump did.
For the rest, perhaps someone on his staff with the ability to read a calendar recognized that Wednesday will be the 18th anniversary of 9/11. Poor optics meeting the Taliban around that time. The negotiation has been primarily about pulling American troops out, not a peace treaty, so there’s not much to sign.
So they avoided that disaster by allowing Trump to create a different one. Good job, all.
MisterForkbeard
@Cheryl Rofer: We’ve seen this before, haven’t we? Either Trump announces he’s called off a meeting because the other party had already cancelled via diplomatic channels, or because Trump is afraid they’re about to do so?
NO ONE stands up Trump, etc. :P
Calouste
@Kay:
Boris Johnson is trying that tactic as well.
Jay
The sad reality is that the US under Orangemandius is surrendering to the Beach Taliban,
betraying every UN and NATO ally, who shed blood in Afghanistan,
betraying every Afghan who has “stood up”,
and it is worthless, as the Beach Talibs have zero influence on the Taliban groups that actually do the fighting.
but that’s no big surprise, the US betrayed Afghans at the First Loya Jurga, so the betrayal has been ongoing since 2002.
Maybe the signing can take place at the 9/11 Memorial.
Orangemandius can say something about now having the tallest building in New York.
Cheryl Rofer
@MisterForkbeard: I think the big question now is whether Trump gives up his insistence that he was right about Hurricane Dorian hitting Alabama in favor of whatever charge he can think of related to this cancellation. I can see several possibilities if that’s the direction he chooses to go.
Another Scott
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: +1
If we had a functioning press, someone would ask him that to his face.
Grrr…
Cheers,
Scott.
Jay
@Ruckus:
Have you called Dr. House?
Yeah sure, he’ll spend 40 minutes making it worse, but in the last 5 minutes he’ll figure it out.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@opiejeanne: he no more knows who Begin and Sadat were than he did Frederick Douglas
mrmoshpotato
@Jay: Don’t rule out that it could be lupus.
Kay
@Calouste:
It’s amazing to watch, isn’t it? “So I told them no deal!” and that’s then the evidence that he’s a tough negotiator.
How would a normal non-bullshitter characterize this?
There’s no deal. Trump has to lard it up with all this bullshit about his line-in-the-sand drawing but it’s always the same result. I mean, it’s fairly easy to announce there is deal-making going on in all these places if you never have to actually complete one.
Another Scott
@Ruckus: I’ve kept up with your recent comments, but haven’t known what to say.
Once my FIL had to have some stuff in his brain fixed via surgery. They were able to fix it by going up through his nose. It worked.
Here’s hoping that surgery won’t be necessary, but if it is they find a way to do it without too many issues.
Good luck!!
Cheers,
Scott.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
Quick kitten check in.
They’re settling in nicely. No hiding, mostly staying just out of reach with occasional permitted rubs. Haven’t been able to pick them up without outrage yet, but I was allowed a brief belly rub by Maysie. They’ve chosen a small pile of quilt backing and batting scraps as their preferred bed.
Ran into a snag with the cam. I do have some video, just no streaming. I’ll try to get that available between conference panels tomorrow.
opiejeanne
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Well, yes. Those people had no impact on his life so why should he bother to know or remember anything about them, and it was just Jimmy Carter, a democrat, who brought them together. I doubt he knows who Carter is.
opiejeanne
@mrmoshpotato: Or Hepatitis C!
” Who have you been sleeping with?”
Me, shouting at the damned tv: “It’s not spread through sexual contact!”
Another Scott
@mrmoshpotato: It’s pretty safe to assume that it’s Lupus as often as it’s the RICO.
hehe.
(J watched House all the time. I couldn’t get over how formulaic it was. Hugh Laurie was great though.)
Cheers,
Scott.
Jay
Quiltingfool
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism: Your new kitties would have lots of bed choices at my house! I make quilts and always have batting and backing scraps around. My kitty, who is my Quilt Supervisor, lounges around on a stack of small practice quilt pieces in my sewing room. Cats (and dogs) love quilts.
Cheryl Rofer
@Jay: There is something running around Twitter about the talks falling through because both Trump and the Afghans wanted the Russians to be present.
Good night, all. Maybe this will be sorted out by tomorrow. In any case, it probably doesn’t matter much. We never were going to get much out of the Taliban. The point of the talks has been to get our troops out. Just one more botched negotiation by The Great Negotiator.
Amir Khalid
@jl:
I haven’t done it myself, but I’ve seen it done many times: you wear heavy gloves, and use a machete to cut through the skin and then to prise the sections apart.
mrmoshpotato
@Another Scott: Oh shit. Did someone do the RICO? Don’t tell Popehat.
ETA: Popehat’s current Twitter name is MeetTheTalibanHat.
Doug R
Looking at that first duct tape picture reminds me of the scene from 1987’s The Hidden when the alien tries to escape its heart attack riddled host body and the host wraps the bloody hole with duct tape.
yellowdog
@Ruckus: A month later… Well, the kid was a double footling breech and I had to have a c-section. The epidural didn’t really ‘take’ because the needle went in wrong and my spinal fluid leaked, which led to my brain swelling because there wasn’t enough pressure and I had a horrendous headache and wasn’t allowed to sit up for a week-with a newborn baby to care for. But the kid turned out OK.
Chacal Charles Calthrop
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism: thanks for the kitten update!
I train my cats to enjoy being handled by picking them up & cuddling them right before putting down their food. If they volunteer to be cuddled in between meals, they get cat treats. The goal is to establish holding and/or cuddling = food and/or treats.
I’ve always found it to work.
TomatoQueen
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism: So looking forward to seeing them. What a delight.
Ruckus
@yellowdog:
Alls well that ends well?
Men have no idea what childbirth is like, no frame of reference. None even possible. Of course we do know what a soccer kick in the junk feels like, but I’d bet good money it’s not close to the same.
sgrAstar
Cole! Just pay attention to that cut for a few days. See Atul Gawande, The Case of the Red Leg. ?
Cathie Fonz (formerly Cathie from Canada)
Ouch. Looks painful.
I guess the doc you saw really didn’t like you because it was nuts to send you to the ER on a Saturday night unless he thought you were dying.
I hope before you left the urgent care clinic the doc at least checked to make sure your tetanus shots are up to date (you should have one every 10 years) and gave you a booster if you needed one. This is particularly important for gardeners because of the length of time tetanus spores can live in soil.
TMC
I’m an ER Doc. Did you at least put some antibiotic salve on it? If you didn’t, do so ASAP.
randal m sexton
hahah, your stories crack me up. I agree with the pain scale bullshit too, as I have had some ridiculous injuries that are kinda hard to compare with one another. Its sorta like, are my hands shaking too much to set up a rapell anchor: That is a pain level.
Orange is the New Red
@Ruckus: If you end up needing brain surgery and want to know what it’s like, I would be fine with describing my experience with it. Not that everyone experiences the same things, just to help answer basic questions about what it’s like.
J R in WV
Took wife to ER once with a dislocated shoulder — ouch!! She had to wait til 2 am for the heart attacks in front of her… then after they reduced it, they forgot to immobilize her before sending us home, so it popped back out in her sleep. Miserable, never really recovered from the second event.
TerryC
Three years ago the deadman’s switch on my biggest mower ripped the terminal digit from my right hand’s ring ringer. That’s right, the safety device got me.
Went to the Ann Arbor VA by emergency vehicle, no waiting, was being treated within five minutes. Left for home, having had my drugs brought to the ER for me, three and a half hours later.
Had I been at the university hospital ER a mile away, it would have been many more hours before I would have even been seen.
P.S. Not a single charge or fee or copay for anything.
Cathy Pierce
Over here laughing at the ‘linear or logarithmic’ argument.
Many years ago I was cleaning a mug. I had one hand inside and the other hand turning it around by the handle. I somehow managed to break the handle off with a little bit of the mug attached and jab myself in the wrist-right in the artery. It was spurting in time to my heartbeat and everything. It was small but deep-I think I got two stitches. The hospital was weird, though. They were staffed UP. Turns out, it was a Vikings game day and they were expecting a lot of ‘stupid things you do when you’re drunk’ injuries. I got there before any of it started-I have never been so attended.