..and some kitty advice. Since it seemed like everyone liked the idea of WereBear guest posting, I asked her for another installment. Because we could really use some cute kitties. Amirite?
Welcome, Juicer Cat Appreciators, and all the lurkers at sea.
I am WereBear, but my secret identity is the cat advice enterprise which is Way of Cats. Last time I revealed we were struggling with intermittent internet. The culprits were multi-modal: a bad modem combined with kittens.
Yes, Mr WayofCats and I recently adopted two kittens. Though we already had cats, these two were a package deal: they were pair-bonded. Many shared their own stories of the joys of adopting two cats who were already buddies.
Lou Costello chillin’
This reluctance to adopt in Cat Social Units is baffling when one of the reasons to get a cat is the affection. Here are two cats demonstrating this very skill! What holds people back is often the stigma of multiple cats.
Which keeps them from experiencing the depth that comes with two, and then three, cats who cooperate, communicate, and enjoy their people. It is the joys of Cat Civilization, where we have a motley crew of cats who help us both fill and lighten our hearts.
Bud Abbott getting some scritches
My last three rescue cats came from a feral colony. This is good news in my literal neck of the woods. Colonies are being humanely shrunk, and the kittens relocated. My two little nutbars came from a project that has been operating for at least a decade that I can remember. They are taming up as sweetly and swiftly as anyone could wish.
I recently had a consultation with an accomplished cat foster parent who needed to take a break just as they fell in love with one of the kittens. We both agreed society has a mental block in people’s heads about Third Cat.
This is when we cross the threshold of “grudgingly allowed.” Three cats sounds like one of them might be deliberate. We all know where that slides us: into deranged hoarder territory, even if our cats are happy and cared for and so are we.
As we discussed this block between my advice about ways to integrate the new arrival, this realization helped them realize what they wanted. Which, not surprisingly, turned out to be Third Cat. Because isn’t this a Love & Companionship model working as it should?
People become Cat Appreciators because the better we know cats, the more we love them. So we want more. In addition to keeping us on the couch so we can’t get up, they also have creative utility. I discovered cat writer’s block can be cured by… more cats! It is my favorite saying, after all:
The solution to your cat problem is more cats.
Because so often, it’s true.
=====================
Way of Cats site and blog click over for more cat adventures and advice
My book on Amazon: The Way of Cats: How to use their instincts to train, understand, and love them
I am working on a second book about a favorite topic, Cat Civilization.
===================
What’s that I hear? How is famous foster Tristan and now-grown Mutant Sheep Mithrandir taking this turn of events? Has Reverend Jim done Master Po with two Grasshoppers? Does Olwyn disapprove? (Of course.)
Stay tuned. And ask questions.
You heard the lady, ask some cat questions! Or share your pet escapades, I can’t be the only one with crazy critters. LOL
schrodingers_cat
Kittens FTW! They are adorable.
Scuffletuffle
How do I discourage the disembowelling of adorable fluffy bunnies on my bathroom floor?
piratedan
ok… I guess I’ll be first…. I have seven…
Blackberry – grouchy black cat who doesn’t play well with anyone feline or canine, she’s given a wide berth by everyone else in the house… wants her sunshine, nay, demands her sunshine every day
Shadow – rehome from my son’s old girlfriend…. she has been declawed prior to our getting her, confines herself mostly to one room because she’s never “established” herself to the point where she can defend herself, so she continues to act like prey and is the receiver of aggression when some other critter gets grumpy, we soothe her and visit her but its a slow ongoing process to instill confidence in her
Greta Garbow – grey angora kitty, not exactly sociable, hardly has a voice but likes her affection to be of the “drive-by” variety, pets and scritches while she is in her cat tree of choice
Mickey Rooney – adores being the center of attention, white and butterscotch colors, he’s a lovable lug who drools a bit
Meep – a grey slim tabby who is smarter than she should be and only wants attention when it’s convenient for her, she’s my son’s cat who is attached to his attention
Snickerdoodle – a Snowshoe who mostly confines herself to the master bedroom and closet because she’s not a fan of the dogs
Zap – the new gray and white kitten of the household, he who can play with anyone and be accepted by most. The fun time kitty we didn’t know that we needed until he arrived.
I have 2800+ square feet and multiple cat boxes in sequestered locations and a goodly portion of my retirement is tied up in pet supplies and vet bills, but it is what it is… are there occasional conflicts, yes…but until we stop euthanizing unwanted kitties, this is my private choice to do what I can how I can to give loving homes to unwanted cats when circumstances allow. All of my cats are rescues, some as adults, some as kittens but they are as much family members as the canines and humans….just glad none of them know how to drive or use the computer.
Zelma
How hard is it to home feral cats? I have an interesting but probably not unique situation. We have a TNR program in our town and I got drafted to feed three kittens when they were released. This was 7 years ago and only one of the three is still with me. Of course, when you put out cat food, you attract cats. (Also skunks, possums and raccoons; it can be exciting around here.) I now have five regulars who appear for breakfast, dinner and a late supper.
The remaining original cat and one other are very loving. I have not brought them inside because I have an old toothless and clawless cat. But I fear Simmons will not be with me much longer and I wonder if it is too late to home Noir and Piggy . (Piggy has been around for about three years.) There is also a dog issue, but I figure they’ll work that out themselves.
Any advice or wisdom appreciated.
WereBear
Tell the adorable fluffy bunnies to stay out of the bathroom?
Kitties gonna stalk, hunt, and dispatch. I hope they are stuffed animals!
Yarrow
My neighbor had two cats and added a third cat and all hell broke loose in the house. I’ve been perplexed by the “add a third cat” recommendation having watched that change with the own eyes.
zhena gogolia
@Yarrow:
It depends on the cats. I used to have five — added one at a time — who all got along fine. They didn’t all love each other, but they co-existed.
Everybody loved Freddie.
Barb R
I have 2 cats: Peyton, came home at 8 weeks; Pyewacket (Pye) at approximately 3 years (stray); Peyton came after Pye. Peyton is very jealous and will attack-nip, swipe Pye whenever I speak to or pet Pye. I have tried petting both at same time, spending more play time with Peyton; made no difference.
Any advice is very much appreciated. Love your site!
WereBear
It depends. As with a recent cat bleg, if they’ve been used to being outdoor cats, even becoming indoor/outdoor might be challenging. But with this much socialization with humans going for them, someone can find this kind of cat might suit their lifestyle. Like someone who would be willing to offer supplies and safety while they tame up. Or even a foster arrangement to see how they would tame if supported.
They might not ever be lap cats, but they can certainly enjoy understanding human companionship.
If there is one thing I learned from re-homing, it’s that people can like any kind of cat. They want a shy one, or their long commute means they are happy the cat can manage outdoors while they are away. It’s just a matter of getting these two together.
WereBear
Third Cat must be chosen carefully. This is where my three Cat Types comes in. And did the two cats want the third cat. Or were they settled and the humans got a KITTEN? Who then harasses the adults in a fruitless quest for play?
You get two kittens. That’s what the pros do :)
TaMara (HFG)
I have a question when you have the chance. I’m curious about Gabe. He’s integrating well, he’s incredibly laid back, but he does this thing that I’m not sure I understand.
He scopes out everyone’s favorite spot and takes it over for a while. Including Scout’s favorite place to sleep (he’s never tried Bixby, he’s not stupid). I generally stay out of it, sometimes he’ll just kind of nudge them away or just show up when they leave. The only time I’ve intervened was when he nudged Emma away from her food dish. I’m surprised she let him, usually she’s feisty. So clearly he poses no threat to her, but I did move him away from it.
I’m just curious where this places him on cat personality scale. I thought he was a gamma, but now I’m questioning that. What do you think?
Sab
We have five. The feliway diffuser is our friend. Whenever it gets low, Shadow turns back into hissy scratchy Mean Kitty.
I really took to heart your advice about not disappointing them. I used to walk into the house and right past Shadow, who had rushed to the chair by the door to beg for cat treats. My step-son had trained her to expect it, and multiple times a day I disappointed her.
mg_65
Cuteness! Also, thank you for Way of Cats–I bought it and read it and I love it, it’s a useful, wonderful book.
Yarrow
@WereBear: There had been three cats but one died from old age issues. Maybe 6-8 months later this young cat, but not a kitten, kept showing up so my neighbor finally adopted him. That’s when the crazy started. He’s a really cute and friendly cat but boy did he terrorize one of the other two cats. It’s several years down the road now (3? 4?) and finally things seem to be calming down a bit. It was rough for a few years.
debit
@piratedan: I have five, three upstairs and two downstairs. We have 2400 square feet but have to keep the two groups apart because downstairs kitties are timid and upstairs ones are swaggering buttholes (and this includes my sweet little 6.5 pound Dani kitten). We’re working on building confidence in the timid cats, and hope that eventually we can merge the two groups, but it’s slow going. Ellie, our lone remaining dog, just wishes all the cats would let her have at least one dog bed to herself.
WereBear
Does he look baffled or owlish, routinely? Does he like to examine details of things, especially glittery or crackly toys?
How’s his social skills? Because he doesn’t seem to have any trouble asking for attention from other beings, and that might be all it is, even feinting at someone’s food bowl. If he doesn’t have any food issues, then he’s teasing her like a kid with a first crush.
WereBear
@Yarrow: Sounds like they could have used my help!
@TaMara (HFG): I just went to your entry about Gabe where he’s lying on the dog :) And he’s had food issues, but maybe Emma understands that.
He could be a Beta like my Reverend Jim. Master of Inertia and a sly sense of dry humor.
WereBear
@debit: Sounds like you have two opposite groups. No peacemakers travel between them, nobody in the middle?
Currently, RJ is our ambassador to Kitten Country. He goes up there, has Second Breakfast with the kittens, demonstrates the fine art of window sitting, and comes back to tell the other cats “ain’t no thang.”
This is so helpful.
WereBear
Thank you, so much! I love it when people tell me, with astonishment, “That was a fun read!”
TaMara (HFG)
@WereBear: I think that might be it. It really feels like he’s teasing everyone, maybe even testing them to see if they like him, even when he’s being an imp. And he follows Zander around like a little brother, copying him on many things. And Emma is my alpha/queen and I think the fact she lets him eat out of her dish means he’s been truly accepted.
You know, I sit on the patio in the mornings and watch the cats, ducks and dogs just hang together and think I’m so lucky they all just get it, we’re family.
debit
@WereBear:
Oliver, our Tunch-alike, would normally be this cat. However, he’s taken an intense dislike to Merrill, our foster fail. We had hoped Dani could navigate between the two groups, but Merrill is so afraid and so timid that Dani goes into bully mode. Right now we’re handling it thusly: baby gates all the way up the dining room door during the day. Upstairs cats can see into the kitchen, downstairs cats have run of the kitchen and can interact with the dog. We’ve gone from the downstairs cats cowering by the back door to Oscar hanging out in the middle of the kitchen and Merrill sitting on a chair where she can observe. We’re trying to move them closer to the gate at dinner time, but it’s slow. We’re also doing play time with both groups at the same time to build confidence and good associations.
If we can integrate eventually, great, but I’m not rushing anything.
WereBear
Absolutely the right attitude. Trying to rush things will be met with resistance.
We can’t underestimate the power of hurt feelings. I think cats feel rejection keenly and it can lead to indignant grudges.
Spanky
@piratedan: Oh good! I was going to gingerly ask about having only 5.
Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism
Of course, when it’s the kittens trying to rush things….
Right now, we have three camps: the kittens, the pair-bonded orange boys, and Pixel Crankypants. We’ve reached accommodation between the two pairs, and Pixel is trying to stay out of the way. The kittens want to be everybody’s friends, so he’s not always successful.
Spanky
@WereBear:
AMEN!
Or three. Three’s good.
WereBear
@Sister Rail Gun of Warm Humanitarianism: Kittens always rush things. I’ve seen them thaw senior cats, once the mad play stage abates.
laura
We’re one year in on our feral pair. The larger/longer Spots is as genial, outgoing and just curious about everything. She’s bonded with spouse who is her designated hoomin. The runt Chiona (Mexican slang for crying cry baby) remains very tiny, food insecure and quite shy. Because they are hellions, they must sleep in the back room/crapatoreum or none of us would get any sleep. Chet, the weinie dog loves them and their relationship is best described as 90% best friends, 10% mortal enemies.
It is never a dull moment with these wild and crazy gals. An apple box from the gravenstein run is their Tardis, and we cant bring ourselves to get rid of it as it brings the joy. The dog has gained a couple of pounds due to competitive eating. They are tabbie/Tories, but that little Chiona will take a swipe at you if you pass by her and she thinks you dont see her. Neither are lap cats, but both are hoomin adjacent at all times. Spouse is worried that they may outlive us -something we’ve never given a thought about.
They’re keen to get put the back door, but we’re askeered for them as the two neighbor dogs are extremely anxious pit bulls who turn on each other any time they get riled up.
I am so glad we got two. It wasn’t the plan, but the idea of leaving the runt on her own was unthinkable. The wait time to get them spayed was agonizing for all including the dog who’d never received so many offers of interspecies sessy-time before or since.
I was so glad to have WereBear and the Way of Cats to refer to.
laura
Top loader potty boxes ROCK!
Yarrow
@WereBear: Probably so!
WereBear
I’m sure, just like my teens wanted fake ID, cash, and a train ticket to Manhattan.
Still wasn’t going to happen.
Scuffletuffle
@WereBear: nope, the real thing…it gets messy
WereBear
@Scuffletuffle: I would imagine. But it’s survival instincts, and my whole Way of Cats approach is to not mess with those.
At least it’s the bathroom?
This is one of the reasons I don’t let mine out, but circumstances differ. We have wild animals in back of us and a road in front of us.
Michelle Shilts
I had to put my kitty down on May 3, 2019, because her kidneys had stopped working. I was very upset, hurt, and depressed over the situation because I have had her since August 1, 2010. I am wondering when is it the right time to get a new one? Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Ann Marie
My critical problem is how to get a more-or-less teenage kitten to sleep at night. I have Louie, whose age is unknown but at least 18. He’s showing his age but still spry and very cuddly. When my other cat, Hugh, died last December, I knew I wanted a second cat. I wanted a 2-3 year old, but a friend needed to find a home for a 7 month old kitten, whom I adopted in January. His name is Harley and he is an adorable little terror. He has gone from hiding in the corner of my bathtub to running the place. Unfortunately, I cannot let him stay in my bedroom at night. He wants to play all night, and not quietly or gently either — pouncing on toys, on the bed, right next to me, with his claws often landing on me. If he’s in the room, I get no sleep. So I give him toys and shut him out of the bedroom at night. Louie stays with me, as he always has, but needs to go out in the middle of the night. I let him out and he spends the rest of the night with Harley. (They get along, more or less.) I feel bad about shutting Harley out, but I need to sleep. Any suggestions?
Ann Marie
@Michelle Shilts: Werebear will have better advice, but having been through this 3 times now, I think the right time is whenever you feel ready to bring a new cat into your life. Actually, at least once I didn’t think I was ready, but it turned out I was!
rikyrah
They are so cute ???
Woody
@piratedan: LOL…U NEVER KNOW….THEY CAN CERTAINLY WRECK MH LAPTOP TRYING…PULLED THE DAMNED KEYS RIGHT OUT OF A HALF DOZEN…..GHEY LIKED IT….GUESS THE REST??????
WereBear
Excellent advice. It’s because each cat (and dog and horse and even rat) is unique in how they leave such a space in our hearts. Yet, pet loss is different. Unlike humans, where grief feels right to not “rush to replace” and we rightly worry about someone remarrying, getting pregnant, or otherwise “too soon.”
But this does not apply to the special pet relationship we form with our fellow mammals. I see each cat getting a space in our heart, and they can never be replaced. That is why we grieve.
So why do we haunt Petfinder and think wistfully of a new cat relationship even as we grieve? When this was such a wonderful relationship? Because we know they can’t be replaced, but we do want another.
Unlike humans, our cats do not do much in the larger human worlds. Partner, Grandparent, Child, Close Friend: these are huge roles which impact our life in a myriad of ways. No one makes these bonds lightly, and anyone who helps fill that loss is evaluated. It takes time to prove themselves.
Not so with pets, who can capture our heart at first meeting. It is the close cat friendship we crave, and we are pulled to friendship rather quickly when we know the alternative is even a very good shelter, or a rough life on the street. Someone needs me is part of it, and a fine part it is.
I have many cat tracks on my heart, but each cat has their own path. When I miss them, I still mourn them, and this goes on to become happy memories. So, with no sense of betrayal, I memorialize them by helping another of their kind. It is what they would have wanted.
So, that’s the answer: when you are ready. Or when the cat who pops up decides you’re ready.
Works either way. Because this is a life-giving impulse. It means you are a good person, not “betraying anyone’s memory.” I think they know we will always have the memory.
WereBear
It’s a working system now. Don’t worry. This is what Harley needs right now. And you are making both cats happy!
Nita
I have 5, the last kitty can to my back porch and i was feeding her when she decided she wanted in. Now she is in and out but mostly in. She gets along great with my others. Privacy?? Ha, no way. All of mine are quiet at night, some sleeping on my bed or pillow, even the little newcomer. She is a young cat while my others are bw 3 to 8 or 9 yrs old. They are pure joy
WereBear
@Nita: I agree. ?