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You are here: Home / Food & Recipes / Food / Late Night Open Thread: Holiday Food Horrors

Late Night Open Thread: Holiday Food Horrors

by Anne Laurie|  November 27, 201910:50 pm| 139 Comments

This post is in: Food, Free Markets Solve Everything, Open Threads

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I stopped making new things on thanksgiving a lot of years ago. My family doesn’t want surprises.
You go to see Springsteen, you damn well better hear Born to Run.

— Julia Olafson (@juliawithana) November 21, 2018

Me, I’ve no objection to an occasional holiday experiment, but…

Decline is a choice https://t.co/KkmFK3QtIf

— Andrew S. (@shoutingboy) November 27, 2019

No. https://t.co/SKTvEumbVR

— Elizabeth Spiers (@espiers) November 27, 2019

This is an abomination before God and man and should be condemned in the harshest terms possible. I call on all Jews, Arabs, Kurds, Persians and other peoples of the Middle East to unite and protest this assault on our shared culinary heritage ?? https://t.co/aXCxFE79Qs

— Sam Sokol (@SamuelSokol) November 17, 2019

THIS HAS GOT TO STOP pic.twitter.com/51GON3lVS3

— “Celia” (@_celia_bedelia_) November 26, 2019

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Previous Post: « Open Thread: ‘Tis the Season for Giving!
Next Post: Thursday Morning Open Thread: Happy Thanksgiving »

Reader Interactions

139Comments

  1. 1.

    Another Scott

    November 27, 2019 at 10:53 pm

    rofl.

     

    Thanks.

     

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

     

    Cheers,

    Scott.

  2. 2.

    Viva BrisVegas

    November 27, 2019 at 11:01 pm

    These names might not mean very much in the US, but vale Jonathan Miller and Clive James.

     

    Two of the most entertaining renaissance men of the late 20th Century.

     

    The world just got a little bit more witless today.

  3. 3.

    ThresherK

    November 27, 2019 at 11:01 pm

    I have seen that Gouda at the Stop & Shop. I was hoping it was contained, but who knows?

  4. 4.

    Ruckus

    November 27, 2019 at 11:04 pm

    How about oyster stuffing?

    An ex’s family served that to me one year. Not going to say what it tasted like. But they all acted like it was the best thing ever. It wasn’t.

    Will say that after seeing one of those canned cranberry logs every thanksgiving for the first 20 yrs of my life, that almost sends shivers down my spine.

  5. 5.

    Fair Economist

    November 27, 2019 at 11:05 pm

    Ginger-infused mandarin cranberry compote sounds pretty good. Peppermint candy corn sounds, well, at least *less* disgusting than regular candy corn (what is the flavor of regular candy corn anyway, transfat goo or something like that?). Pumpkin spice gouda cheese – now *that* is awful. If publicized widely enough it might end the pumpkin spice fad.

  6. 6.

    Aleta

    November 27, 2019 at 11:05 pm

    When future historians write papers about the decline and last days of the US Empire these foods will — no wait, there will be way too much else to cover.

  7. 7.

    RandomMonster

    November 27, 2019 at 11:07 pm

    I guess I’m some yuppie swine because I actually prefer the homemade cranberry sauce cooked with Grand Marnier to the quivering gelatinous blob (I mean the cranberry from a can, not the president)

  8. 8.

    Ruckus

    November 27, 2019 at 11:07 pm

    Also, couldn’t think what to have for dinner. Has been quite a while so went out for an In and Out. Of course it’s 46deg out tonight and it started raining when I walked out to get in the car. Shades of winter of 1969 in socal. At least it’s not supposed to rain for over a month straight. Not supposed to.

  9. 9.

    Duane

    November 27, 2019 at 11:08 pm

    @ThresherK: Around here,  if you bring green bean casserole, there had better be a can of mushroom soup in there or it’s side eye looks for you!

  10. 10.

    The Dangerman

    November 27, 2019 at 11:12 pm

    Gingerbread hummus would be a fine gag gift. Kinda like the moose candy dispenser (a classic).

  11. 11.

    ThresherK

    November 27, 2019 at 11:12 pm

    @Duane: Is forgetting the can of french-fried onions a capital crime in your locality?

  12. 12.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 27, 2019 at 11:15 pm

    @Ruckus: Per Weather Underground there’s a chance of rain for the next 10 days.  I just took a walk to the fancy pants mall to see the “snow”(they have snow blowers on the roof for Christmas and turn them on for about 5 minutes at 7pm and 8pm).

  13. 13.

    spudgun

    November 27, 2019 at 11:16 pm

    Engh, I like both kinds of cranberry sauce…it’s cranberry either way!

    Similar post at Bored Panda – some of those are truly disgusting.

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

  14. 14.

    brettvk

    November 27, 2019 at 11:20 pm

    My billionaire employers, for reasons best known to themselves, gave everyone in my workplace a free turkey this year. I’ve worked here for going on 13 years now and this is the first time this has happened. At first I thought about just not taking one; I’m single and although I have the holiday off my family does the family thing around Christmas (we wisely decided that the best family relationships are spread out over the year). Then my inner Martha Stewart, long dormant, rose up and convinced me that I really wanted the challenge of a turkey — and besides, the cats and the dog are more than willing to share in either the triumph or the disaster, so what the hell.

    So the turkey has thawed and is resting overnight in the fridge under a sage-orange peel dry rub. The pecan pie is also thawing there. Sweet potatoes have been baked, mashed, and combined with sour cream, brown sugar and balsamic vinegar and refrigerated. I’ll throw the dressing together in the morning and start the turkey after I return from my volunteer shift at the animal shelter in the afternoon. Green Giant sprouts in butter sauce and de-canning the cranberry jelly come last (Martha shrieks but I don’t care). This will be the second turkey I’ve roasted in my life; the first was to impress an SO when I was in my early 20s, but I quickly learned that game wasn’t worth the candle. This one is for me and the pets!

  15. 15.

    Firebert

    November 27, 2019 at 11:24 pm

    For a bigger reaction, serve the gravy in the shape of a can.

  16. 16.

    tomtofa

    November 27, 2019 at 11:26 pm

    Looking forward to seeing what my stepdaughter brings in the way of cranberry sauce (and green bean casserole) – how do the youngs prefer to do these things? Can’t wait to see. I do have crispy onion bits on hand in case the casserole is too au currant.

     

    Seen at the stores recently: pumpkin spice Cheerios and dog treats.

  17. 17.

    donnah

    November 27, 2019 at 11:26 pm

    No lie, I’ve made a different cranberry concoction every year for at least five years. Untouched. So I bring out the famous canned cranberry gel and artfully slice it on a plate, and it disappears. Some things are classic and cannot be changed.

  18. 18.

    Kay

    November 27, 2019 at 11:28 pm

    Store-brand turkey was 33 cents a pound here. They may as well just give everyone one.

  19. 19.

    debbie

    November 27, 2019 at 11:30 pm

    @RandomMonster:

    Yeah, but if you eat it right out of the can, there’s no clean up!

  20. 20.

    Kay

    November 27, 2019 at 11:31 pm

    Siobhan Houton Arnold
    @siobhanphilly
    Martin O’Malley just drove Ken Cuccinelli out of the Dubliner in DC w/ a passion-laced and shame-invoking tirade on behalf of immigrant refugee children!!!

    Kicking off the holidays in style.

  21. 21.

    Redshift

    November 27, 2019 at 11:31 pm

    @Duane: Green bean casserole was invented by Campbell’s, so that’s only fair.

  22. 22.

    Aleta

    November 27, 2019 at 11:31 pm

    Imho it all started with flavored coffee and should have been stamped out when they began using de-icing solvents to make the faked fragrance of Irish cream stick to the beans.  Let  the people spill blueberry syrup in their hummus and accidentally drop their pumpkin pie onto the gouda in a sandwich in the privacy of their own homes !!  We  have the right  to make our own mistakes without paying for them ahead of  time.

  23. 23.

    Barbara

    November 27, 2019 at 11:33 pm

    @spudgun: There are a lot of jello salads, but there is only one Bologna layer “cake.”  It definitely wins – or loses – for originality.

  24. 24.

    debbie

    November 27, 2019 at 11:33 pm

    The worst I’ve seen is pumpkin spice pasta in the shape of pumpkins. Seems tame compared to some of the stuff up top.

  25. 25.

    Ruckus

    November 27, 2019 at 11:33 pm

    @brettvk:

    Dad used to give away a turkey to each employee for thanksgiving. He also used to buy 4 or 5 cases of liquor to give to customers for xmas and one yr bought a box at Dodger stadium for the year. I got to go once. I’m not sure that it made the slightest bit of difference for business and at one point he just stopped doing all of that.

  26. 26.

    NotMax

    November 27, 2019 at 11:34 pm

    Sorry, the canned gel is like eating a vaguely cranberry flavored lollipop.

  27. 27.

    dnfree

    November 27, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    I actually bought pumpkin spice hummus to see what it was like. It was awful. Hummus is not supposed to be sweet. I thought maybe it would be more like spicy hummus. They also had chocolate hummus but I was on to their game when I saw that.

    We have three kinds of cranberry sauce—the traditional can, one with some kind of alcoholic flavor, and one made with raw cranberries, a whole navel orange, and pineapple. I think I’m the only one who likes the raw one, but I make it for me.

  28. 28.

    Major Major Major Major

    November 27, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    Hahaha I am cackling.

    In open thread news, I finally finished a big writing project I’ve been working on since March. So excited to do the next draft of my novel, I definitely leveled up.

  29. 29.

    opiejeanne

    November 27, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    @Ruckus: You don’t have to eat that canned cranberry log. It’s been a running joke in my family since the kids were little.

     

    A few years ago I made cranberry sauce from a recipe that included port, and it was just great. I don’t usually like homemade cranberry sauce, too many memories of it from childhood, but this stuff was the bomb.

    Of course, no one would eat it. Some wouldn’t even taste it, they all wanted the cranberry jelly in the traditional mold, like the one above. I swear, if I scooped it out of the can and put it into a fancy mold, they wouldn’t eat it and they’d be mad at me for trying to get them to eat something new.

  30. 30.

    Ruckus

    November 27, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    @NotMax:

    That actually sounds a lot better than the canned cranberry log.

  31. 31.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 27, 2019 at 11:36 pm

    METH.  ALL OF THESE COMPANIES’ CONCEPT DIVISIONS ARE ON IT.

     

    Gingerbread humm….oh fuck you.

  32. 32.

    Redshift

    November 27, 2019 at 11:36 pm

    Growing up, we always had both homemade cranberry sauce (one of the few things my dad made) and the canned one (which my mom preferred.) I like both. If you don’t take the trouble to make sure it comes out in a can shape, you’re doing to wrong.

  33. 33.

    Martin

    November 27, 2019 at 11:37 pm

    @Ruckus: I’ve decided that a lot of ‘gourmet’ food is best described by ‘tastes like ass, but a refined palate should appreciate an unfamiliar ass, so I’ll say I like it’.

     

    I do the holiday cooking and I have a simple rule: the cooking isn’t about me, it’s about everyone feeling good about the meal. If that means vegan, then I cook vegan. If it means cranberry from a can, then fuck it, it’s cranberry from a can. I introduce new things as trials. If I want banana haggis stuffing, I can make it after the guests leave.

  34. 34.

    opiejeanne

    November 27, 2019 at 11:37 pm

    @Ruckus: Are you in California? You should be able to find some artisanal cranberry sauce there.

  35. 35.

    Duane

    November 27, 2019 at 11:38 pm

    @ThresherK: There’s a lot of food crime committed around here. Best to just move along.

  36. 36.

    Martin

    November 27, 2019 at 11:39 pm

    All, cranberry sauce is stupid easy to make: 1lb of cranberries, 1 cup water, 1 cup sugar. Put it in a pot and boil until the cranberries break down. That’s fucking it.

     

    From that base you can experiment in a million different ways, but at its most basic its barely any harder than opening that can.

  37. 37.

    Aleta

    November 27, 2019 at 11:39 pm

    @brettvk:   sage-orange peel dry rub

     

    oh yum

  38. 38.

    Gemina13

    November 27, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    I can’t stand the canned cranberry glop.  I tasted cranberry compote ten years ago and loved it.  But when it comes to the rest, I like my sweet potatoes savory (browned butter & sage), my dressing with sausage and peppers, my turkey basted with butter and cognac, and my pies either apple or French silk.  So I’m kinda crazy that way.

     

    The pumpkin-spice Gouda is an abomination upon the earth, as far as I’m concerned.

  39. 39.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 27, 2019 at 11:41 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Did you buy any fancy pants?

  40. 40.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 27, 2019 at 11:43 pm

    @debbie: LOL

  41. 41.

    Ruckus

    November 27, 2019 at 11:44 pm

    @opiejeanne:

    To be honest I don’t think more than one slice was ever taken in any one year. Mom and her sisters were just used to having it on the table, you know in case someone fell down and hit their head before dinner and forgot that it tasted like, well nothing else in the world, including cranberries. At some point mom stopped slicing it, just put it in a dish and let it sit there. I’m amazed it wasn’t stored in the fridge from year to year.

  42. 42.

    NotMax

    November 27, 2019 at 11:47 pm

    @Martin

    Even easier to forego the water and microwave the whole cranberries for 6 or so minutes (cover bowl loosely with waxed paper to avoid spatters and staining). Then mash them with a potato masher and stir in sugar or honey, orange juice, Grand Marnier (or Drambuie) and crushed pineapple to taste. Also chopped nuts, if that’s your thing.

  43. 43.

    opiejeanne

    November 27, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    @Ruckus: Haha! I seem to always have a can lurking in the back of the pantry from the previous year, because the kids bring me one, thinking I haven’t managed to find a can at the store.

     

    Oyster stuffing sounds disgusting. I make cornbread stuffing and cook it in a casserole, not in the bird. Alton Brown made a huge point about that a few years ago, and even though he later conceded and showed how to make it safe to stuff the bird with it AND not end up with an overdone bird, my way is a lot easier.  I hope someone else is bringing that and we don’t end up eating one of the experiments my daughter’s fiancé is fond of making.

    I spent this morning making pumpkin pies for tomorrow, and tomorrow morning I’ll make the pecan pie that someone important has requested.

    I think this is one holiday you don’t experiment with, but Christmas Eve you can run wild as long as there’s a standing rib, mashed potatoes, and Yorkshire pudding.

  44. 44.

    Ruckus

    November 27, 2019 at 11:52 pm

    @Martin:

    Sister was like that, cooked what she liked, you eat it or make your own. She was so good that most of the time you ate and were very happy.

     

    @opiejeanne:

    Am in CA, we have met a couple of times……

    I have no desire to eat cranberry anything at any time, holiday or starvation.

  45. 45.

    Kayla Rudbek

    November 27, 2019 at 11:53 pm

    My dad would always refuse to eat anything but the classic canned cranberry-apparently there was some big food poisoning problem with the whole cranberries when he was a kid in the 50s-60s.  Although the weird thing to my mind was that he also refused to eat any other kind of jelly/jam-type substance out of a jar.  So little Kayla grew up with peanut butter and butter sandwiches (and then branched out into hard salami with ketchup sandwiches, or chocolate sauce sandwiches).

  46. 46.

    CaseyL

    November 27, 2019 at 11:54 pm

    Just about any cranberry is good cranberry. A couple of years ago someone brought home-made cranberry sauce that was to die for.  Cranberry orange?   Something where you do the boiling part and then put the dish in the fridge overnight.  Just wonderful.

     

    And I find it hugely amusing that green bean casserole is almost universal, showing up at Thanksgiving no matter where in the country you are or what your local culinary traditions are.

  47. 47.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    @mrmoshpotato: No, just took pictures.  I was going to say I’ve never bought anything there, but I did get my earbuds there(Father’s Day present from the kid).

  48. 48.

    dnfree

    November 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    @Martin: everyone should keep in mind that cranberries now come in 12-ounce bags and adjust accordingly.

  49. 49.

    frosty

    November 27, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    @Ruckus: Was that the SoCal winter of 68-69 when I believe it snowed or 69-70 the first year I was there. For an East Coaster, that one didn’t seem so cold. I could occasionally see my breath but that was about it.

  50. 50.

    Kayla Rudbek

    November 27, 2019 at 11:57 pm

    Also essential for Thanksgiving and Christmas as a child: candied apple  rings.  Out of a jar the way that Big Food/Ag intended. Nowadays I try to go lower-carb…

  51. 51.

    eclare

    November 27, 2019 at 11:57 pm

    My aunt once fixed pineapple casserole.  The two main ingredients were canned pineapple and cheddar cheese.  I refused to try it.

  52. 52.

    KSinMA

    November 27, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    @Aleta:

    “de-icing solvents”

    The perfect description!

  53. 53.

    feebog

    November 27, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    We always have Thanksgiving dinner with the wife’s Brother and SiL.  This year the Missus is making butternut squash with cranberries and candied bacon.  Yummmmm.

  54. 54.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 27, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    @NotMax: How many licks does it take to get to the cranberry gel center of a can of cranberry gel?

  55. 55.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 12:00 am

    @opiejeanne:

    Disgusting hardly says enough.

    Mom used to cook some stuffing in the bird but most of it outside. I think her sisters used to do the same. If you like turkey it was amazing. Mom was actually a pretty good cook with a wide variety of styles. She made a mean enchilada dish, amazing potato soup, lasagna, eggplant…… Miss the old girl some days, as moms go she wasn’t half bad. Of course the other half…….

  56. 56.

    frosty

    November 28, 2019 at 12:02 am

    @Kay: Good for O’Malley. Makes me proud to be an ex-pat from Baltimore.

  57. 57.

    NotMax

    November 28, 2019 at 12:02 am

    @CaseyL

    The green bean glop is a holdover from the 1950s. Like Jerry Mathers.

    :)

  58. 58.

    joel hanes

    November 28, 2019 at 12:07 am

    Says here that candy corn is supposed to taste “like” a combination of vanilla and marshmallow.   But all the flavorings are artificial.

     

    My great-aunt used to bring a jello-mold salad to festive occasions: lime jello made with flat ginger ale, pineapple chunks, sliced pimento-stuffed green olives, and pecans.   We always ate a couple bites because we loved her, but that was a holiday tradition that was allowed to die some years after she passed., because no one really liked it.

  59. 59.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 12:09 am

    @frosty:

    Not the cold, it used to often get rather cold in the winter here, at least relative to the days but I’ve lived where it would be in single digits for days on end so even 46 isn’t that cold. I have worn long pants the last two days. No it was the time it rained and rained and…. I recall it was over 30 days straight. The LA river was nearing it’s limit and many of the bridges in the eastern San Gabriel Valley had water occasionally hitting the bridge and splashing over the road. Homes in Glendora were up to the eves in mud.

  60. 60.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 12:10 am

    @mrmoshpotato:

    Way, way, way toooooo fucking many.

  61. 61.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 12:12 am

    @KSinMA:

    Those were real de-icing solvents, not the kind you buy in a liquor store.

  62. 62.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 28, 2019 at 12:13 am

    @joel hanes:

    Says here that candy corn is supposed to taste “like” a combination of vanilla and marshmallow.   But all the flavorings are artificial. 

    That sounds even worse.

  63. 63.

    Peej01

    November 28, 2019 at 12:13 am

    I have never had green bean casserole.  I don’t consider that I’ve missed anything.  Cranberry sauce out of the can for me, but I prefer the whole berry kind.

  64. 64.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 28, 2019 at 12:14 am

    @Ruckus: 1969 was the year the Santa Clara river washed the Venture Marina out to sea.

  65. 65.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 28, 2019 at 12:16 am

    @Ruckus: Hahaha

  66. 66.

    Tenar Arha

    November 28, 2019 at 12:16 am

    Love hearing about what people have for dessert. I like pie, though I prefer French style tarts or a cobbler, but my extended family is really not that into pies.

    Of course I ended up in charge of the sweet desserts. Another cousin does the fruit. Anyway—years ago when I’d bring the whipped cream, ice cream, pecan pie, & apple pie, I’d have two hardly touched leftover pies (literally didn’t matter where I bought them from), & no ice cream left at all.

    So I just gave into the inevitable & my family has a chocolate & vanilla ice cream turkey cake with a chocolate crunchies layer, and small selection of nicer lactose-free cookies. That’s now a tradition.

    ETA typo

  67. 67.

    hervevillechaizelounge

    November 28, 2019 at 12:17 am

    I’m about three threads late with this—I only hit the Juice after dark—but someone was looking for a free link to People Will Talk.

     

    https://ok.ru/video/261499194019

     

    Ok.ru has pretty much every classic film available, for free, no sign-up.  Russians hacked our democracy and they laugh at American copyright laws; if I have to suffer through the former I’ll avail myself of the latter—it’s only fair.

  68. 68.

    NotMax

    November 28, 2019 at 12:17 am

    @mrmoshpotato

    “We put the question to a panel of experts.” #1 – #2

  69. 69.

    Frankensteinbeck

    November 28, 2019 at 12:17 am

    @Major Major Major Major:

    It’s a learning experience, every time.  A novel is a huge amount of practice for the skill of… writing novels.

  70. 70.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 28, 2019 at 12:21 am

    @hervevillechaizelounge: How often is there a voiceover saying, “Broskovitch, no collusion!  Trump not our bitch!”?

  71. 71.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 12:21 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    It did rain a bit.

  72. 72.

    WaterGirl

    November 28, 2019 at 12:22 am

    NotMax, I just found a reply of yours in spam, about to release it now.

    edit: it’s at #68.

  73. 73.

    frosty

    November 28, 2019 at 12:22 am

     @Ruckus: Rain rings a bell. We flew out for college tours in January of ‘69 and it rained the entire time. There were a few other really wet winters when I lived in SoCal in the 70s

  74. 74.

    smike

    November 28, 2019 at 12:23 am

    @opiejeanne: Oyster stuffing is not bad at all. Just be sure the oysters are tasty.

  75. 75.

    NotMax

    November 28, 2019 at 12:25 am

    @WaterGirl

    Danke. Was wondering where it went after multiple refreshes provided no succor.

  76. 76.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 12:33 am

    @frosty:

    google california flood 1969.

    A lot of images of the damage and water.

  77. 77.

    JaySinWA

    November 28, 2019 at 12:34 am

    OMG the war on Thanksgiving is real!

  78. 78.

    Major Major Major Major

    November 28, 2019 at 12:35 am

    @Frankensteinbeck: also true of software projects!

  79. 79.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 12:39 am

    @Ruckus:

    If you google, check the images. One of the pics is the LA river with water up to the bridges. That picture is misleading in that channel is about 25 feet deep and about 200 feet wide and it’s full. And it stayed that way for a very long time. Here’s the picture.

  80. 80.

    different-church-lady

    November 28, 2019 at 12:40 am

    @The Dangerman: Well, it certainly would put the “gag” in gag gift…

  81. 81.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 28, 2019 at 12:40 am

    @JaySinWA: Oh shit.  How’s Faux News going to cover both annual wars at once?

  82. 82.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 12:40 am

    @Ruckus:

    Link didn’t take or stay on edit, trying again

     

    That worked

  83. 83.

    Greenergood

    November 28, 2019 at 12:42 am

    @Viva BrisVegas: Oh no! Not BOTH of them! Such witty, acerbic, canny blokes  – I’m sorry to read about them, All you people upset about gingerbread hummus, etc. – well I’ve been fomenting for years about St Patrick’s Day disgusting green beer, bagels and milkshakes but did you listen?? No: and the result is abominations like gingerbread hummus, etc. Happy Turkey Day – Hope a minimum number of jackals are  affected by snow/wind/other forces of nature. I’m in the closing stages of moving my mom from her house  In NY she lived in for 60 years to assisted living in PA near my bro, because I’ve  lived in the UK for 35+ years and she doesn’t want to go there!!  I’ve never been so tired and unsettled in my life – but the place, the staff, the residents, the food are all fantastic. As a long-term UK resident, the US health care system is labyrinthine and  scarey – and I am SO lucky that my Dad left my Mum enough money to be safe (because I don’t have any).  I keep coming across older people in stores like Stop and Shop, or Walmart, etc., who are OLD and INFIRM, who shouldn’t be working but they must. I’ve asked them point-blank – and a few say they want to keep seeing people, but most say they have to keep working to EAT. In the wealthiest country in the world …

  84. 84.

    Uncle Cosmo

    November 28, 2019 at 12:45 am

    @frosty: Makes me even prouder to be his friend for the last 30+ years. Martin’s heart has always been in the proper place.

  85. 85.

    Mary G

    November 28, 2019 at 12:52 am

    I remember the 1969 rains in So. Cal. – it poured for nine days straight. They finally decided to send us home from school when the mudslides started. I was going to a junior high in the next town over and to get home we had to cross a bridge across a creek that was being converted to a flood control channel that was almost always dry and in a usual spring might get up to three inches deep across the middle 10 feet of the 100-foot wide channel. The bus got to the bridge and the whole channel was full all the way across and a good twenty feet high up to the bottom of the bridge. The cops were trying to decide whether to close the bridge or not and finally starting letting the buses go across one at a time. There were whole trees and pieces of houses bashing into the bridge at about 50 mph, and it was shaking like there was an earthquake, but it held up. Right after my bus went over they closed it.  Super exciting!

     

    My friend’s mom met us at the stop and took me to their house, because my mom was working. The phones in town were all out and my mother got hysterical when she couldn’t get hold of me, because she was sure I’d gone to the beach and had a house on the cliff collapse on me or been washed out to sea. We had a ginormous fight, because I’d tried to call elebenty times and felt it was an Act of God or my friend’s mom, certainly not my fault.

  86. 86.

    gwangung

    November 28, 2019 at 1:00 am

    Well, damn…I REALLY like homemade cranberry sauce, when it’s done well. Bits of orange peel, not too much sugar….going over to a friend’s and she just dazzles her family with it.

  87. 87.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 1:03 am

    @Greenergood:

    I’m 70 and still working. Mostly for the money but also some for something to do. And every day I get a noticeable bit closer to actual retirement because there is only so much work that one lifetime can or wants to accomplish. If I hadn’t lost almost everything in the last republican caused recession my plan had been to be retired before now. Best laid plans of non republicans. Oh wait, the rich fuck everyone equally, it’s just that some of us see that they have the financial concepts of 2+2= PROFIT.

    It may be in total the wealthiest country but it’s only because a few greedy fucks have most of it.

    Think what it could/would be like if they didn’t…….

  88. 88.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    November 28, 2019 at 1:06 am

    @Ruckus: I have no desire to eat cranberry anything at any time, holiday or starvation.

    It’s remotely possible this could change your mind – it’s the best pie EVER, and I say that as a longtime baker of and enthusiastic consumer of pies. I started making it for the year-end holidays rather than Thanksgiving, but as more of my family and friends try it, it’s in greater demand the rest of the year. I have to buy extra cranberries while they’re available and keep them in the freezer to meet year-round demand.

     

    I just finished making the first pumpkin pie and the croutons and dressing for Caesar salad. Dinner rolls coming up tomorrow morning.

  89. 89.

    surfk9

    November 28, 2019 at 1:06 am

    1969 was epic for surfing!

  90. 90.

    Schmendrick

    November 28, 2019 at 1:07 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    I believe I may have been in the same fancy-pants mall of which you speak this afternoon.  I came out of retirement to spend the next month in LA at a seasonal job.  I can’t say what it iws, but it involves wearing a lot of red and a big white beard.  After checking out the fit of my red suit (at Griffith Park) I had lunch at the Glendale Galleria food court — which is a fancy-pants mall if ever I saw one.  I, too, avoided buying pants of any kind – fancy or not.

  91. 91.

    Cacti

    November 28, 2019 at 1:08 am

    I splurged and got my first ever heritage turkey this year.

     

    Hope it lives up to the hype.

  92. 92.

    mrmoshpotato

    November 28, 2019 at 1:09 am

    @Mary G:

    There were whole trees and pieces of houses bashing into the bridge at about 50 mph 

    Yikes.

  93. 93.

    Schmendrick

    November 28, 2019 at 1:09 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    I believe I may have been in the same fancy-pants mall of which you speak this afternoon.  I came out of retirement to spend the next month in LA at a seasonal job.  I can’t say what it is, but it involves wearing a lot of red and a big white beard.  After checking out the fit of my red suit (at Griffith Park) I had lunch at the Glendale Galleria food court — which is a fancy-pants mall if ever I saw one.  I, too, avoided buying pants of any kind – fancy or not.

  94. 94.

    Schmendrick

    November 28, 2019 at 1:15 am

    About that double post — My first comment was in moderation, because I typed my email address incorrectly. I went back to try to fix that by correcting my email, but I could not expunge the original, and someone apparently freed it from purgatory. The good news is, this should not happen again because henceforth my email is being pre-loaded. So that is another thing to thank Watergirl for — less redundant posts from moi.

  95. 95.

    opiejeanne

    November 28, 2019 at 1:16 am

    @Ruckus: Oh, duh. Of course you are, and of course we have met. For some reason I confused your location with that guy from WV.

  96. 96.

    opiejeanne

    November 28, 2019 at 1:19 am

    @CaseyL: I never made it for Thanksgiving, nor solicited it from relatives coming for dinner, and then one year, it just appeared and has been a fixture since. I didn’t like it as a kid; I can just tolerate it now.

    I used to make stewed pearl onions every thanksgiving because my mom did every year, and no one will eat them but me. I don’t remember eating them as a kid, but I missed them when I grew up.

  97. 97.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 28, 2019 at 1:24 am

    @Schmendrick: The Galleria isn’t the fancy pants mall, the fancy pants mall is across the street, Americana at Brand.

  98. 98.

    opiejeanne

    November 28, 2019 at 1:25 am

    @Ruckus: I was in college at Cal Poly Pomona, and the new girls dorm had mud up against the back of the building. I didn’t have dry socks for more than half an hour, for six weeks. That was the year Rainbow street (lane?) in Glendora was inundated by a mudslide and people died in their homes.

  99. 99.

    Aleta

    November 28, 2019 at 1:27 am

    @opiejeanne: My cousin carries on the creamed pearl onions that my grandmother made.  No one else has the patience to peel them. My mother used to make her mother’s Christmas Eve oysters for herself—only for herself, which she was fine with.  I was oblivious to her ritual,  but now I remember.

  100. 100.

    Aleta

    November 28, 2019 at 1:31 am

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I like to put cranberries in apple crisp, and walnuts.  Much better that way.

  101. 101.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 1:33 am

    @Mary G:

    It was fun wasn’t it? I was amazed that it didn’t do far more damage.

  102. 102.

    opiejeanne

    November 28, 2019 at 1:35 am

    @mrmoshpotato: It was a very exciting winter. Foothill Blvd was strewn for miles with pots of plants from a nursery.

  103. 103.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 1:38 am

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    I’ve tried cranberry everything, including that pie made from that recipe.

    Not for me.

    And any more I’m trying to be an actual good boy and attempting to keep my A1C number in the safe zone. I take enough pills for things I have no control over, at least I can attempt to keep the pill count in the horrifying number range and not push it into the needs a pharmacist license level.

  104. 104.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 28, 2019 at 1:47 am

    @opiejeanne: And Bill Keene predicted sunny weather, my mom called him mud after that year.

  105. 105.

    Redshift

    November 28, 2019 at 1:53 am

    @Aleta: Mmm, my mom still makes creamed onions because they’re her and my favorite thing at holiday meals. I think she’s always used canned onions, no peeling. Mom and I like all the same things; we’re the only two in the family with a serious sweet tooth. But I also like the things she doesn’t, like seafood and spicy food.

  106. 106.

    Schmendrick

    November 28, 2019 at 1:57 am

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Where I come from they both qualify as fancy-pants malls, but now that you mention it, I was at the Americana a few years ago and as I remember it was extremely fancy.  Therefore I defer to your judgment.

  107. 107.

    Amir Khalid

    November 28, 2019 at 2:19 am

    You go to see Springsteen, you damn well better hear Born to Run.

    I suppose so,but I wouldn’t mind also hearing Jersey Girl, featuring Mr and Mrs Springsteen having a romantic dance.

    The tales of Thanksgiving culinary horrors have been entertaining. They are cheering me up, which I need because when the XXL-size sweatshirt I ordered online arrived today, the size label said S. (Small pout.)

  108. 108.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 28, 2019 at 2:23 am

    @Schmendrick: I think it’s the outdoor chandelier that spans one entrance at the Americana that ups the fancy pants quotient.

  109. 109.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    November 28, 2019 at 2:26 am

    Looks like ol’ Balloon Juice had a bit of a hiccup there.

  110. 110.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    November 28, 2019 at 2:30 am

    ???. I especially love the nocturnal snacks like this where I think it’s the usual 4:30 or so, but no.

  111. 111.

    spudgun

    November 28, 2019 at 2:32 am

    @Viva BrisVegas:  I just noticed this – I am devastated. Was a huge fan of them both.

     

    Plus Chef Gary Rhodes. Just a bad week for British culture…

  112. 112.

    tomtofa

    November 28, 2019 at 2:40 am

    A decent cranberry sauce is probably 2nd to stuffing/dressing in the list of best Thanksgiving sides. Maybe a tie with gravy. Sometimes canned is good enough. Sometimes canned with berries included, sometimes artisanal. Does it depend on the political bent of the participants? Maybe, who knows.

  113. 113.

    WereBear

    November 28, 2019 at 3:09 am

    @Major Major Major Major:

    So excited to do the next draft of my novel, I definitely leveled up.

    Wicked good! I am drafting my first horror novel with MindMeister, and it’s amazing how well it is gelling.

    However, considering the subject and our times, this idea has been marinating for ages.

  114. 114.

    Ruckus

    November 28, 2019 at 3:23 am

    I keep getting a gateway error. Not the first time.

     

    Oh and just a by the by.

    Shit for brains has been having his buddies fuck with the VA, so they can make it better……..

    Some vets, like me, pay co pays if you aren’t a combat vet and make enough to buy food. I’m OK with that, I’m glad I didn’t get wounded/disabled/killed. The billing used to be handled by the billing dept, but of course now it’s handled by a private company, which sucks money from vets and fucks up and over bills stuff. Or doesn’t send a bill at all. So two months in a row they’ve made mistakes, all not in my favor of course. And those now unnecessary people who worked in the billing office, yeah those jobs seem to have disappeared.

    So nice to see a government system that works well get fucked by useless fucks that couldn’t find their heads with both hands, unless they were scratching where the sun don’t shine. Which by the way seems to be not so much any more, that sun not shining there, if twitter is even close to right. The posts have been pulled. Shame you couldn’t see people getting an all inner tan.

  115. 115.

    No One You Know

    November 28, 2019 at 3:36 am

    @Duane:@Redshift:  I’m so tired of orange this year, so green beans had a Merger-and-Acquisition with cranberries.  Culture shock treatment consists of black pepper, almonds, and bourbon-bacon glaze. What do you mean, overkill?

  116. 116.

    Mel

    November 28, 2019 at 4:03 am

    @opiejeanne: Would you share your recipe?  I’d love to try the port version

    I’ve tried the making the version with orange juice and zest, and the version with Gran Marnier. Both were good,  but not so good that they got made more than once or twice.

    I’d love to have a “so good you make it every time” recipe..

  117. 117.

    Mel

    November 28, 2019 at 4:05 am

    @No One You Know: That sounds delicious, actually. (See above comment for additional “I’m sick of orange stuff” affirmation!)

  118. 118.

    WereBear

    November 28, 2019 at 4:22 am

    I think something cranberry belongs on the Thanksgiving table, since it is utterly colonial America. A gift of the new world. And it helps that I like cranberries :)

  119. 119.

    Aleeta

    November 28, 2019 at 4:36 am

    Howard Cruse died.  Not right.

    https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/howard-cruse-dies-at-75-1258209

     

    Howard Cruse @HowardCruse

    Hey! Hey! NRA!

    How many kids did you kill today!

    (Eddie’s chant of the morning, with due credit to 1960s anti-war protesters)

    #heyheynra

  120. 120.

    Aleta

    November 28, 2019 at 4:40 am

    Howard Cruse died.  Not right.

    hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/howard-cruse-dies-at-75-1258209

     

    HowardCruse @HowardCruse

    Hey! Hey! NRA!

    How many kids did you kill today!

    (Eddie’s chant of the morning, with due credit to 1960s anti-war protesters)

    Eddie is his husband.

  121. 121.

    Van Buren

    November 28, 2019 at 6:51 am

    @opiejeanne: Oyster stuffing is, I believe, a Tidewater Virginia thing, and can be damn good.

    But it is best not to experiment with new recipes on Turkey day.

  122. 122.

    tybee

    November 28, 2019 at 6:57 am

    @Van Buren:

     

    one should eat the oysters raw as one waits on the dressing to finish cooking.

  123. 123.

    Sab

    November 28, 2019 at 7:27 am

    @opiejeanne: We always used to have those, and no one but Mom would eat them. Then finally, twenty years into it I finally tasted them and they were delicious.

    I decided tomake them a few years back, and bought a bag of frozen pearl onions. I expected to find the recipe on the bag, as always. But it wasn’t there anymore!

    Yay google.

  124. 124.

    Barbara

    November 28, 2019 at 7:56 am

    @opiejeanne: I have a recipe for pearled onions that are braised in a balsamic vinegar sauce, that has a touch of chocolate and ancho chile. It takes a while to make snd is pungent while cooking, but it goes well with turkey. I suspect prior generations were just trying to use up surplus produce.

  125. 125.

    Juju

    November 28, 2019 at 8:23 am

    @Van Buren:  I have a seafood allergy and if there are oysters in the stuffing I can’t eat the stuffing or the turkey that has been stuffed with oyster stuffing. My brother does this every Thanksgiving. I haven’t had Thanksgiving dinner with him or his family in decades. My mother always made dressing, which means it was not cooked in the bird. It is much better than anything with oysters. Even if I could eat oysters I would not.

    As for cranberry sauce I have one my aunt gave my mother that is a cooked sauce and has orange, lemon and apple, peels and all, along with one deseeded chopped jalapeño, cranberries and caramelized sugar. I have never in my life liked any form of cranberry in my life, but I love the auntie cranberry sauce recipe, and make it and freeze a bunch to use all year. It’s also good on ham and chicken. Just be glad your family never made cranberry pudding, which doesn’t seem like a pudding as much as nasty boiled cake. Ick.

  126. 126.

    Sab

    November 28, 2019 at 8:33 am

    @Barbara: Could you post that recipe someday?

  127. 127.

    debbie

    November 28, 2019 at 9:04 am

    @joel hanes:

    My grandmother made a jello salad with bing cherry jello and pitted bing cherries, each with a pecan half inserted into the cherry. We loved it, and if I could ever figure out how to successfully pit cherries (with that special tool), I’d make it again.

  128. 128.

    Steeplejack

    November 28, 2019 at 9:11 am

    @Juju:
    Please post that cranberry sauce recipe with the jalapeño in it.

  129. 129.

    jeffreyw

    November 28, 2019 at 9:48 am

    @NotMax:

    Sorry, the canned gel is like eating a vaguely cranberry flavored lollipop.

    You say that like it is a bad thing.

  130. 130.

    Citizen Alan

    November 28, 2019 at 9:51 am

    Cranberries are okay, I guess. With vodka. And if you don’t mind your buddies mocking you for having a “chick drink.” But something about the quivering cranberry tower has made me nauseous every Thanksgiving for nearly 50 years.

     

    So to face my fears, this year I’m bringing a cran-apple cobbler for the desert. A can of cranberry sauce and a can of apple pie filing mixed together and baked into a cobbler. We’ll see how it goes.

     

    No one I know here in Mississippi would stuff a turkey. It’s all about ma-maw’s chicken & dressing.

  131. 131.

    Shantanu Saha

    November 28, 2019 at 9:55 am

    I’m making my mother’s cranberry chutney recipe on Friday when my friends come over. Sadly, when I visit her today, she won’t be making it because the family demands jellied cranberry sauce sliced into coins.

     

    one pint water

    1 package fresh cranberries

    two apples, peeled and diced

    1/2 cup brown sugar

    2 tbsps mustard seed

    In the pan, heat up the mustard seed over medium heat. Some of the seeds may pop.

    (optional) rehydrated raisins, 1/2 cup

    Add in water and sugar, bring to a boil.

    Add in the rest of the ingredients, bring back to a boil.

    Reduce heat, simmer until the fruit softens and the sauce thickens.

    Put into refrigerator until ready to serve.

  132. 132.

    J R in WV

    November 28, 2019 at 11:32 am

    @Mary G:

     

    There were whole trees and pieces of houses bashing into the bridge at about 50 mph, and it was shaking like there was an earthquake, but it held up. Right after my bus went over they closed it. Super exciting!

    Sounds just a wee bit TOO exciting to this old fart. Floods are nothing to take for granted, they kill way too many folks here in the mountains.

     

    Speaking of bridges and things banging into them in floods, we had the epitome of flood disaster video not long ago. House floating downstream and jamming under bridge, but on fire !! Amazing combination of disasterious video, fire and water. But not cold, so no ice.

     

    And now for my latest food horror, which was shared on Balloon Juice in real time. Going next door to neighbor’s regularly scheduled annual fancy  holiday dinner, for which I had settled into a pattern of making cranberry orange relish and a really big skillet pineapple upside down cake, which was always a big hit. Huge iron skillet, so a bit of a feat of manliness flipping the cake over in that nearly foot and  a half skillet.

     

    Anyways, on to the disaster part… I’m posting on a holiday thread much like this one, and tell the B-J world that I’m going to try using a fresh pineapple I picked up the day before for the famous upside-down cake. Then I get up from the computer and proceed to slice that bad boy, and oh boy does the fresh pineapple taste good! Meanwhile Cheryl R adds a serious warning to the thread behind my back, informing the Balloon Juice world that using a fresh pineapple to bake with is serious bad news — there are enzymes in fresh pineapple that digest parts of your batter.

     

    I put the giant skillet containing the cake into the oven and return to the computer, where I see Cheryl’s friendly and concerned warning, 45 minutes way too late. I go ahead with the baking, might as well see the experiment out to its inglorious finale…

     

    It is unbelievably disgusting, liquid. Slimy, smells bad. Oh My Gawd !!! Never do this!!

     

    I thanked Cheryl for her helpful advice on the thread. Describe the ruin. Make the cranberry sauce not experimenting, have already done way too much experimental cooking.

     

    And oysters in dressing are really great if you like oysters. if not, then don’t go there.

     

    ETA:

    Nothing big today, happy my knee is doing well after ‘scope procedure Tuesday. Will make a nice pot of soup this evening, have good wine. Can walk, carefully. Thankful for all that, warm and comfy. And thankful for all the jackals !

  133. 133.

    Juju

    November 28, 2019 at 1:50 pm

    @Steeplejack: Here’s the cranberry with jalapeño sauce recipe. I’m sorry I didn’t post it earlier but I took the dogs out and then took a nap. While I was sleeping it turned beautiful in  OBX. I forgot that you actually have to peel the apples. I hope you have a food processor, it makes it a whole lot easier to prep.

     

    Cranberry Sauce with Jalapeño

    2 apples
    1 orange
    1 lemon
    1 jalapeño
    1 3/4 cup white sugar
    2 cups cranberries

    Peel and dice apples, seed and dice but do not peel lemon and orange, seed and chop jalapeño.

    Cook sugar on medium high heat until sugar melts and turns deep golden brown color. Carefully stir in rest of ingredients except for cranberries. Reduce heat and simmer for 8-10 minutes, stirring constantly. Stir in cranberries and cook 10 or so minutes longer, it can take as long as 30 minutes. You will know it’s heading into done when the cranberries start to soften and pop open. You may need to help them along by mashing with wooden spoon. Remove from heat and cool. Taste and add more sugar if sauce needs it.

    If you have a food processor, cut and seed oranges, lemon, and seeded jalapeño and process until a medium chop. Add apple eighths and pulse until apples are medium chop and mixed. Then continue with rest of recipe directions.

    I hope you like this as much as I do.

  134. 134.

    Matt Smith

    November 28, 2019 at 2:18 pm

    @Fair Economist: I basically made ginger-infused mandarin cranberry compote last night. Close enough that the tweet could have been written for me… had to laugh. But it’s really pretty good!

  135. 135.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    November 28, 2019 at 3:09 pm

    @Juju:
    Thank you!

  136. 136.

    Another Scott

    November 28, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    @NotMax: Some people have entirely too weird imaginations, and entirely too much time on their hands!!

     

    Thanks.

     

    Cheers,

    Scott.

  137. 137.

    Another Scott

    November 28, 2019 at 4:24 pm

    @Mary G: Relatedly –

    Repost: SciAm: California Megaflood – Lessons from a forgotten catastrophe:

    A 43-day storm that began in December 1861 put central and southern California underwater for up to six months, and it could happen again

    Yikes.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  138. 138.

    Mo MacArbie

    November 28, 2019 at 4:51 pm

    It occurs to me now that one could make one’s fancy pants cranberry sauce and chill it…in a clean can. Would that work?

  139. 139.

    Mohagan

    November 28, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    @opiejeanne: Growing up my aunt always had broiled peach halves filled with mincemeat which I’ve never seen anywhere else for T-day. My cousin says it was a Southern thing (my mother and aunt had grown up in Roanoke VA in the 30s)

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