Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

T R E 4 5 O N

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Consistently wrong since 2002

Eh, that’s media spin. biden’s health is fine and he’s doing a good job.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

You are here: Home / Guest Posts / Dear Virginia, A Reply from Schlemazel from 2012: Is There a War on Christmas?

Dear Virginia, A Reply from Schlemazel from 2012: Is There a War on Christmas?

by | 22 Comments

This post is in: ,

A belated guest post from our beloved Schlemazel, written in 2012.

NOVEMBER 23, 2012 AT 2:38 PM

DEAR EDITOR:

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no war on Christmas. Papa says, ‘If you see it on FAUX News it’s so.’ Please tell me the truth; is there a War on Christmas?

VIRGINIA O’HANLON,

115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET

Schlemaze’s Reply:

No war on Christmas?

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by rationality in an irrational age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not provable by rational observation. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, can be little. The reaction to this great universe of ours can be for man to be a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a war on Christmas. It exists as certainly as hate and stinginess and demagoguery exist, and you know that they abound and give to their life its highest ugly and lowest meaning. Alas! How merry might be the world if there were a war on Christmas. It might be as merry as if there were no teabagers. There would be no inchoate hate then, no petty sniping, no panic to make less tolerable this existence. We should have enjoyment, except in insensate cruelty and slights. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be increased.

Not believe in the war on Christmas! You might as well not believe in T-bone eating Bucks! You might get your papa to hire men to watch all of FAUX News to catch the war dispatches, but even if they did not witness BillO frothing at the mouth, what would that prove? Nobody sees the war on Christmas, but that is a sign that there is a real war on Christmas. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see (according to FAUX News). Did you ever see welfare queens driving Cadillacs on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the evils there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

No war on Christmas!? Thank God! it lives, and it lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, it will continue to make mad the ‘brains’ of morans.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  Much love to all those who have gone before us, and can longer be with us.

 

Reader Interactions

22Comments

  1. 1.

    piratedan

    and the war ended with the massacre at Bowling Green; the losses, were not only Pyrrhic but also had the effect of ending irony as a social tool for the foreseeable future.

  8. 8.

    eclare

    I am in my aunt’s guest bedroom, and she keeps the house at 72. I keep mine at 65. No sleep for me tonight.

  9. 9.

    satby

    @eclare: my eternal sympathies! I keep my house at 65° too, and in the last years of her life my mom kept hers at upwards of 75° or more. In Florida.

    Hope you have a happy holiday anyway.

  10. 10.

    satby

    I love this comment of Schlemazel’s. It’s such a good reminder of what great comments he contributed and how much he added to our jackal community. Miss you dude!

  12. 12.

    Spanky

    A mighty “blech” to all who celebrate, though maybe didn’t want to start so early in the day.

    Or a mighty “belch” to those of us who ate with loved ones, and consumed some things your system isn’t real happy about.

  13. 13.

    Spanky

    Also too, props to the next door neighbors who put their dogs out at 5 AM that immediately started in on their incessant barking.

  16. 16.

    Elizabelle

    Kudos to the late and missed Schlemazel for that letter.  I hope he is spectrally taunting morans, wherever they may be.  Unless he prefers not to.  That’s good, too.

  17. 17.

    stinger

    Is there a war on Christmas, Virginia? Let’s ask the little children who are locked up in the concentration camps on our southern border. What kind of Christmas are we giving them this year?

  18. 18.

    Laura Too

    Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks Watergirl, you pulled it off! :) And bonus Shitmas, who could ask for anymore?

  20. 20.

    Cathie from Canada

    I love this ! Hadn’t seen it before.

    And yes, stinger, I woke up thinking of those children in cages on the US border and wondering what kind of Christmas they would be having this year — maybe it would be better if somehow it was just another day for them and nobody told them it was Christmas?  I don’t know.  But I do know that even as a Canadian I am ashamed of how these children are being treated.  If I could I would bring all of them to Canada and reunite them here with their parents and let them stay here – we need their courage too.

  21. 21.

    feebog

    Come for the Holiday greetings, stay for the Christmas snark.  Merry Christmas from cold and cloudy Southern California.  Now, where’s my eggnog?

  22. 22.

    WaterGirl

    @SWMBO: I had forgotten about Shitmas!  I am just one paragraph in and I am laughing out loud

    edit: That is some specatacular writing from our beloved bloghost.

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