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You are here: Home / Open Threads / New Year’s Eve Open Thread: “Please to Celebrate in Orderly Manner!”

New Year’s Eve Open Thread: “Please to Celebrate in Orderly Manner!”

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Russian immigrant and cynic Slava Malamud is my new favorite twitter discovery. In the tradition of Damon Runyon, Hunter S. Thompson, and Charles P. Pierce, he is by profession a sports writer, but both his tweetstream and his blog are broad-ranging. As in this explanation of the Russian winter holiday:

… [T]he only real holiday anyone knows or cares about in late December is the New Year. The secular, godless, multicultural, all-inclusive, gloriously drunk holiday when kids can stay up all night, presents are distributed, and citizens are allowed to harbor a fleeting hope that things might just change for the better with a flip of the calendar.

The New Year became Russia’s major holiday during Soviet times, when it was felt that completely depriving folks of reasons to celebrate was no longer prudent, and that the Soviet Constitution Day (December 30) just didn’t quite cut it as a merry enough occasion. The idea to celebrate the New Year instead of Christmas was such a smashing success that within a generation or two it was utterly ingrained in the Soviet psyche…

The Russian tradition of celebrating New Year with decorating a fir tree indoors dates back thousands of years, probably, and has been copied by other cultures and holidays. Sadly, this occurred shortly before Russians invented copyright laws, so now everyone does it. Wrongly.

Of course, in the pre-revolutionary Russian Empire, the tree was coopted by the dark forces of organized religion and mounted (exclusively in rich houses) on January 7, which is when the true Russian Jesus was born by his absolutely non-Jewish mother. But the glorious Communist Revolution had dispensed with all that nonsense, and the tree got itself outlawed for a while, until the wise proletarian government revived the tradition for the secular New Year.

Traditionally, the fir is decorated with glass baubles as well as electric lights in honor of Vladimir Lenin’s glorious invention of the light bulb. Prior to that, many Russians would mount actual lit candles on it, because any new year could be your last one so what the hell. “Fir tree, ignite yourself!”, children yell at New Year parties, quoting the visionary Russian poet Alexander Pushkin who ingeniously predicted the triumph of the Socialist Revolution with his immortal verse: “A flame shall be ignited from a spark!” Every year, several Russian homes majestically burn down on New Year’s Eve from people’s taking these words too literally.

The ornaments, known as “fir toys”, include both the glass globes and other such trinkets familiar in the West, but also cosmonauts, Sputniks, peasant women, revolutionary sailors, village huts, tractors, and, because, Russians are all about realism, squirrels…

Grandpa Frost, or Dedushka Moroz, is a mythical bearded giftman who makes his appearance on New Year’s Night, distributing presents to children who may or may not have studied the works of Vladimir Lenin with due diligence over the course of the year. Said diligence, as well as behavior appropriate to a fierce Russian patriot, are the determining factors in the children’s eligibility to receive free-of-charge presents from the terrible and magnanimous Grandpa. Other factors may involve school grades and manufacturing quotas…

Grandpa Frost wears a long fur-lined coat and a similarly manufactured hat. Unlike the sad American imitation Santa, who apparently has elves murder polar bears for the lining of his coat, Grandpa Frost does his animal-murdering himself, as attested by the club he also carries.

Children who haven’t behaved as becoming a Young Communist Pioneer over the course of the year are sometimes told that the club shall be used on them in lieu of the presents from Grandpa Frost’s bag. According to Grandpa himself, “whoever touches my staff, shall never wake up.”

Grandpa Frost’s preferred method of transportation is a decidedly ground-borne sleigh pulled by a team of three horses, though he isn’t above traveling on foot or by skis. He enters children’s homes proudly and directly, through a front door, occasionally bothering to knock.

Grandpa Frost’s facial expression is rarely jolly and usually conveys the message that Grandpa is not one to be screwed with. In almost all versions of the story his nose is pronouncedly red, which is attributed to both cold weather and habitual drinking…

In Russia, the holiday season lasts between December 31 and January 8, with the period between January 1 and January 8 known as The National Hangover, or Mother Russia Needs To Lay Down a Bit. Almost all businesses are closed, right down to newspapers, which don’t come out the whole week, because small letters make Russia’s head hurt this time of the year…

Many illustrations, mostly vintage, at the link. (Also not to be missed: Malamud’s descriptions of festive Russian cuisine, much of it — as with the centrality of alcohol — reminiscent for me of the mid-50s…)

Reader Interactions

87Comments

  1. 1.

    Spanky

    Blech, for the final time this year. Maybe.

    Suffering just enough flu-like symptoms from a pneumonia shot to disturb sleep. Blech.

  2. 2.

    Nicole

    That was a hilarious read, Anne Laurie, and sorely needed for 5AM insomnia. Thank you for posting the link!

  4. 4.

    Mainmata

    Pretty interesting story about Father Frost and the origin of the Christmas Tree. I’m back out in Indonesia for nearly three weeks so New Years will be happening here in less than six hours.

    Hope 2020 is better for America than the last several have been and that we rid ourselves of our open traitor president. Happy celebrations anyway to all Juicers.

  5. 5.

    Origuy

    I’m glad I wasn’t in Russia during New Year’s and forced to eat Olivier salad. It sounds hideous. Although the Russian-American woman I was traveling with is a vegan. I don’t think she could survive in Russia for more than a month now.

    S novym godom, everyone.

  9. 9.

    Betty Cracker

    What a vivid description of the food at that link! My husband’s family is Polish-American, so I’ve had exposure to similar cuisine. All I can say about that is it made me less self-conscious about the quality of my family of origin’s ancestral English and Irish foods…

  11. 11.

    OzarkHillbilly

    I guess this is our morning open thread even if it says “Eve”.

    Finally felt well enough yesterday to make the annual holiday season poteca. Started mixing ingredients at 1 pm and pulled it out of the oven at 8:30. Looked real good pulling the dough, looked even better rolling it up, looks perfect sitting on the countertop. I’ll find out in a couple hours how good it really is.

    It’s good timing. It will be fresh for son, DIL, grandbabies, daughter, and SIL who are coming over tomorrow for a seafood paella. My wife has made xmas cards and I’ll search all over town today for just the right hundred dollar bills to fill them with.

    On Thursday I’ll put together a package containing the poteca and a few of the delectables I have made this year for my NOLA son. We really don’t know exactly how he and his wife celebrate xmas and being childless I doubt they go to the trouble of a tree, so when we bought everyone else hand blown glass ornaments for their trees, we bought the youngsters a small oil lamp made by the same artisans. It is fitting for them. It and their cards will go in the package too. Their money will arrive via bank transfer.

  14. 14.

    Gin & Tonic

    In Russia, the holiday season lasts between December 31 and January 8, with the period between January 1 and January 8 known as The National Hangover

    It is similar in Ukraine, which makes Mike Pompeo’s planned visit there and his meeting with Zelensky on January 3 so profoundly stupid. Kyiv largely shuts down for the week, so his imposition of himself on the country results in the ruining of many people’s planned holiday. This is either abysmal advance work or yet another “Fuck You!” from the Trump administration.

  15. 15.

    OzarkHillbilly

    Daybreak never came to Mallacoota. By dawn on Tuesday the orange bushfire glow had disappeared from the horizon, replaced by a black shadow of smoke and ash that made early morning in the Victorian seaside town seem like midnight.

    As massive swathes of the East Gippsland region burned, Mallacoota was one of the few areas where residents and holidaymakers had not been told to evacuate for their own safety. By the time the fire arrived on Monday, it was too late for many of them to leave.

    Amid the darkness, there was chaos. A stampede towards the town’s foreshore where thousands stood and huddled and watched the black sky turn red. As traffic banked up, people abandoned their cars and ran towards the water.

    This is the situation in Mallacoota at the moment. A mother and her kids are sheltering in their boat on the water. People are reporting the sound of gas bottles exploding in town and quite a few homes have been burnt.

    Soon after, emergency sirens from firefighting tankers heralded a further warning. Get in the water. Those who could scrambled onto boats. Others hugged the shoreline or waded in.

    “It’s mayhem out there, it’s armageddon,” Charles Livingstone told Guardian Australia on Tuesday morning from a community centre where hundreds more had taken shelter.

    “The other issue is how the hell we’re all going to get out of here – there’s one road in and one road out.”

    10:30am update from Dad at the wharf in Mallacoota – “fire front not far away”

    Bureau of Meteorology data showed the temperature at Mallacoota reaching 49C at 8am.

    Hell on earth.

  16. 16.

    Lapassionara

    Good morning all. Disturbing news from Iraq. There is an ongoing attack on the US embassy. No telling what T will decide to do in retaliation.

    Then I’m sure we will have months and months of hearings to find out what REALLY happened, . . .

  17. 17.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Lapassionara: From the Guardian:

    Dozens of angry Iraqi Shia militia supporters have broken into the US embassy compound in Baghdad after smashing a door and storming inside, prompting teargas and sounds of gunfire.

    An Associated Press reporter at the scene saw flames rising from inside the compound and at least three US soldiers on the roof of the embassy. A man on a loudspeaker urged protesters not to enter the compound.

    The angry scenes followed the largest US attack on Iraqi state-sanctioned militia in recent years on Sunday and the subsequent calls by the militia for retaliation, representing a new escalation in the proxy war between the US and Iran playing out in the Middle East.

    Somebody somewhere was quoting Twain** the other day as having said, “History doesn’t repeat itself but it does rhyme.” So true.

    The airstrikes also outraged the Iraqi government, which said it will reconsider its relationship with the US-led coalition – the first time it has said it will do so since an agreement was struck to keep some US troops in the country – and called the attack a “flagrant violation” of its sovereignty.

    Yeah, “flagrant violations of other countries’ sovereignty” is kind of our FP modus operandi.

  21. 21.

    satby

    @NotMax: to a better year ahead, seconded! For us all, I hope.

    @rikyrah: Good morning rikyrah, and Happy New Year everyone!

    Winter weather advisory on this side of Lake Michigan, with between 1-3 or more inches of snow predicted. As there’s already more than one inch on the ground, I lean towards the larger accumulation estimate. Which isn’t much, but wind gusts of 40 mph mean low visibility and drifting. The market will be dead, so I’m in no hurry to get there.

  25. 25.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Lapassionara: Linking is easy enough. If a Luddite like me can manage it, any one can.

    Linking in the text box is done by highlighting some words such as the headline of an article: Woman dies after being set on fire during surgery in Romania , clicking the link button in the header of the comment box, which will open a pop up with a box into which you copy/paste the url from the article page. Click the Add Link button in the lower right hand corner and it’s done.

    BillinG can probably explain it much better than I.

    Oh yeah, from that article linked above:

    A woman has died after being set on fire during surgery in Romania, the country’s health ministry has said, in a case that has cast a spotlight on the ailing Romanian health system.

    The patient, who had pancreatic cancer, died on Sunday after suffering burns to 40% of her body when surgeons used an electric scalpel despite her being treated with an alcohol-based disinfectant.

    Contact with the flammable disinfectant caused combustion and the patient “ignited like a torch”, Emanuel Ungureanu, a Romanian politician, said on his Facebook page, citing medical staff at Floreasca urgent care hospital in Bucharest.

    A nurse threw a bucket of water on the 66-year-old woman to prevent the fire from spreading. The health ministry said it would investigate the “unfortunate incident”, which took place on 22 December.

    Note to self: Don’t have surgery in Romania.

  26. 26.

    satby

    @raven: it’s not showing in Chicago (at least it doesn’t show it is on radar), this is mostly lake effect stuff. And predicted high tomorrow is 40°, so it’s going to melt off. Bigger problem is the river through South Bend, it’s already high and could get to flood stage. That’s usually is a spring problem, not a winter one.

  31. 31.

    Baud

    @JPL:

    Now I wonder what Putin and Trump really discussed in that phone call.

    Trump: Balloon Juice servers are working again.  I need them down NOW.

    Putin: We try, but WaterGirl, she is too strong. We are no match.

  34. 34.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @satby: @JPL: One feels for the family. An old friend of mine who was an OR nurse used to regale with OR horror stories. The one that sticks with me was the Doc who was so drunk durng a tubal ligation, he mistakenly cut her aorta/illiac artery instead and she bled to death in about 30 seconds.

    Imagine trying to explain that to a husband in the waiting room.

  36. 36.

    joel hanes

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    Iraqi Shia militia supporters have broken into the US embassy compound in Baghdad

    IIRC, W/Cheney’s occupation administration spent $3 billion constructing that embassy as a citadel from which “we” might administer the theft of Iraq’s oil resources.

  39. 39.

    Kay

    Amy Chozick
    @amychozick
    ·Jul 1
    I talked to all of these candidates about running-while-female in 2020. Photos by the singular Annie Leibovitz.

    The NYTimes reporter who led their shitty, low quality 2016 coverage of Hillary Clinton was then given the job of analyzing “running while female” for the entire Democratic field of female candidates in 2020.
    The focus is always on the media who cover Trump, but the people who cover Democrats have contempt for Democratic voters and candidates. They don’t see us as legitimate political actors. We’re like an interest group that pushes back – with varying levels of success- against “the norm”, the legit holders of power, which are white Republican men.

  41. 41.

    Baud

    @Kay:

    There are two kinds of people in this world: People who fail upward and people who fail downward.

    As an elite media organization, the NYT hires only the former.

  43. 43.

    Kay

    Republicans themselves believe this:

    Ben Shapiro
    @benshapiro
    · 15h
    Twitter Democrats are ripping Biden apart for the great sin of suggesting he would consider a Republican VP if he could think of any worth considering. This is the essence of Twitter insularity.

    The Republican VP gives the Democratic President legitimacy. Republicans can hold power with no Democrats- and do- there’s no duty of any kind to include anyone outside the base, but the reverse is illegitimate.

  44. 44.

    NotMax

    @satby

    You might like the new to Netflix period piece mini-series The Bonfire of Destiny. Eight episodes. Falls into the quicksand of soap operatics periodically but what’re ya gonna do – it’s thoroughly French.

    Do recommend changing the audio setting to French with English subtitles. The default English dubbing is, in a word, pathetic.

  46. 46.

    Kay

    Not only should Republicans be naturally promoted to VP within a Democratic Administration, they should also choose the Democratic nominee:

    Jennifer Rubin Retweeted
    Ben Halle
    @bhalle87
    ·11h
    On his latest Iowa swing,
    @PeteButtigieg
    visited four Iowa counties that flipped from Obama to Trump in 2016. In each county, he drew the largest crowd of any candidate this cycle. #IACaucus

    There won’t be any Democrats choosing the Republican nominee, because Republicans excluded everyone except Donald Trump from ballots. They coordinated to rig their own process to protect Dear Leader, and to ensure that no one outside their political base had any say at all in choosing their nominee. Barred even the possibility there might be a challenge. By law.

  47. 47.

    MomSense

    We are getting clobbered with heavy, wet snow.  Work was delayed two hours, but I’ve been doing snow removal for several hours already.

  50. 50.

    Steeplejack

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    While your friend was chortling over this anecdote, did he/she happen to mention why no one stopped the drunk doctor from operating in the first place?

  51. 51.

    Immanentize

    Happy morning of New Year’s Eve.  The Immp and I wish you all a great 2020.  We can’t get out of this fucking year fast enough.  ???

  54. 54.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Baud: There is nothing wrong with reading liberal blogs but getting one’s news from them alone is going to leaving gaping holes in one’s knowledge of what is happening in the world. Not that the Guardian or the WaPO or any other news outlet are perfect, they just have a broader mandate..

  55. 55.

    Immanentize

    @Kay: Wasn’t what Biden saying actually,
    “There are no Republicans worthy of the position?”

    I am not pulling for Biden, but the out of context freak outs have to stop or all Dem voters will be dead from strokes by May.

  58. 58.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @Steeplejack: First off, My friend was not chortling over it, like I said it was one of the many horror stories she related. 2nd of all, do you have any idea of the power dynamics in a hospital? Have you ever seen a doctor tell a nurse to “STFU, I know what I’m doing.” because I have, and that was recently. This was back in the early 80s when mouthy nurses were even less likely to be tolerated.

  61. 61.

    Dorothy A. Winsor

    @Kay:

    This is a problem. The Iowa caucuses are theoretically closed, but you can change your party registration at the door. R could screw with the D nomination there for sure, and in any state with an open primary.

  63. 63.

    germy

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    it was a response to a question from the crowd.

    People in the crowd are starting to imitate TV news reporters.  The trick is to ask an outlandish question, and then report the reply as a policy statement.

    I see entertainment journalists do the same thing.  “Would you like to play Superman in a movie?” they’ll ask Actor X.  “Sure, why not?” Actor X mumbles in reply.  And then a clickbait headline is generated:  “Actor X Wants To Play Superman!”

  65. 65.

    Immanentize

    @Dorothy A. Winsor: I hate and oppose open primaries.  Including any where non-Democrats can run as a candidate….

     

    That said, it’s really unclear how the Repub.s could screw with our primaries.  They are already mixed up enough.

  66. 66.

    Kathleen

    @Kay: That’s because African Americans and women wield power and influence in Democratic Party. Which is why the right, the left and the media hold Dems in contempt.

  67. 67.

    germy

    @germy:  Replying to myself with an additional thought.

    The trick is to ask an outlandish question, and then report the reply as a policy statement.

    The sinclair reporter tried this trick with Pelosi.  “Do you hate President Trump?”  but she wouldn’t play along.

  70. 70.

    OzarkHillbilly

    @germy: Yeah, but she is playing in a different game than our presidential candidates are. I imagine that when presented with idiotic questions from a crowd their first impulse is to respond respectfully no matter how stupid the question is. Nancy doesn’t have that restraint on her when she is dealing with reporters.

  72. 72.

    germy

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    when presented with idiotic questions from a crowd their first impulse is to respond respectfully no matter how stupid the question is.

    Good point.  Especially when the beltway media see themselves as king makers (or breakers):  “Don’t make us do to you what we did to Hillary!”

  73. 73.

    Kathleen

    @Immanentize: I had no idea that your nym was a theological principle. One that resonates with me btw. I don’t recall this being covered in my 17 years of Catholic education.

  75. 75.

    Kathleen

    @OzarkHillbilly: I didn’t either. It was your comment that triggered my google search for the definition. I like it too! BTW you sound like a loving and generous person. And to paraphrase the kidzzz on Twitter, don’t “Blech” me for saying that!

  79. 79.

    J R in WV

    @Steeplejack:

     

    While your friend was chortling over this anecdote, did he/she happen to mention why no one stopped the drunk doctor from operating in the first place?

    I’ll take a stab at that question. In a hospital setting, the Doctor is the head man in charge. Do you suppose the head OR nurse had the ability and nerve to even try to stop a doctor from going ahead with the scheduled procedure? I don’t.

    And imagine — who would be expected to pay for the costs of that OR after no patient was treated in there? Doctor Drunk? Hahaha!

  85. 85.

    WaterGirl

    @OzarkHillbilly:

    …so when we bought everyone else hand blown glass ornaments for their trees…

    What a lovely gift!  Nearly all of my ornaments are hand blown glass.  I know three local glass blowers, so I add at least one new ornament every year, sometimes more.  Aren’t you in a pretty rural locale?  Where do you find yours?

  87. 87.

    Ruckus

    @Kay:

    Every single thing that Democrats talk about is bad in conservative world. Doesn’t even matter if they liked it last week, had to have it, this week it would be wrong. They don’t necessarily disagree/dislike the policy, they hate liberals, and hate us just because we don’t want to screw our selves, for them. The evangelicals hate us, because they’ve been told we don’t want them to be able to believe what they want and that we are heathen assholes. Throw in the racism and the rich raping the economy, that we rightly don’t want and that is pretty much the ballgame.

    It’s us they hate.

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