Did anyone see Trump’s weird performance at the Superdome prior to last night’s college football championship game? He and the Third Lady participated in the on-field ritual of compulsory jingoism just before the singing of the national anthem. It was surreal.
Fox News is crowing this morning about the “rapturous” cheering Trump received, but there were plenty of boos when he first walked out of the tunnel onto the field. The boos were so pronounced at first that for a few seconds, I hoped for a humiliating PR debacle. But the MAGA chuds in attendance quickly rallied with “USA” chants and cheers. Still, it was no Alabama, and don’t let Fox News tell you otherwise!
Melania appeared to be wearing a fancy belted garbage bag, which is appropriate to her low character and reflective of the poor choices she’s made in life. She and her odious husband lined up near the color guard and a fife and drum corps, and together, they did this odd, short little march as a giant flag was unfurled on the field.
During this whole thing, whenever the two were on the move, Trump grabbed Melania’s hand, hard. It was noticeable and strange. When they stopped, they’d immediately stop touching. It resembled the way an exasperated parent might physically manipulate a sugared-up toddler so as not to cause a scene during a funeral. Here’s an example:
Not that I have any sympathy for her, but same, Melania. Same.pic.twitter.com/7cUvrUU1nL
— Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) January 14, 2020
Maybe Trump is getting revenge for that time Melania famously swatted his hand away on an airport tarmac. It’s obvious that they hate each other’s guts. They can’t even credibly pull off a normal couple vibe for five minutes at a massively public event, and I am ashamed to confess that I am SO here for it!
Every now and then, perhaps in response to a signal from a handler, Melania would do that bizarre simulation of a smile that always reminds me of a spider monkey briefly baring its fangs. Perhaps uniquely among women, she’s been told all her life NOT to smile, so it doesn’t come naturally.
Or maybe she’s just so goddamned miserable living with the lumpy, spray-tanned turd she married for money that she’s incapable of faking good cheer. I hope it’s that. They’re both awful people who deserve unhappiness in their personal lives, which they appear to have received in abundance. Good!
Prediction: divorce proceedings will begin the moment those two leave the White House, and some GOP fat cat will pay Melania off not to have a ghost writer produce a tell-all.