Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The cruelty is the point; the law be damned.

White supremacy is terrorism.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Let us savor the impending downfall of lawless scoundrels who richly deserve the trouble barreling their way.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Second rate reporter says what?

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Late Night Open Thread: Prepare the Assault Sharpies!

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64Comments

  1. 1.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    San Francisco says “fuck the heartland.” Just like you always suspected.

    Sincerely yours,

    A Coastal Elitist

  3. 3.

    minachica

    Wisconsin peeps:

    Who has the best chance of defeating Supreme Court Hack Daniel Kelly?

    Jill Karofsky or Ed Fallone?

  5. 5.

    Kai-two

    I don’t think I would call this a hot take, necessarily, but it at the minimum a soothing golden brown, the glistening shade you would expect of Tater-tots expertly prepared in a Breville the Compact Smart Oven, Countertop Electric Toaster Oven BOV650XL so here goes:

    People who are still talking about how stupid Trump is, are missing the point.  There are a sufficient number of people in states that can, per procurationem the workings of the national rifle association, novo noblielska branch, elect a majority of Senators who do not care AT ALL about his stupidity.

    So while we can all chuckle hardily at this doofus while patting ourselves on the back for having not one but two (ore even three) basically useless degrees that we pursued so recklessly that we fueled the greatest bubble of all time that is his higher education as we gaze on the atomic crater that is depth of Benito from Queens; we should keep in mind that it changes not the tiniest carbuncle on the ass-crack of gnat.

    So, then, what is the plan?

  6. 6.

    minachica

    I say this as someone who had the misfortune of growing up in Wichita: PLEASE let Kansas savor this victory. Also, we all know that Trump is an idiot.

  13. 13.

    Shalimar

    My bet is the tweet was by Trump caddy Dan Scavino, not the orange imbecile.  Do we really think Trump himself would waste time on a tweet with no grievances or insults?

  15. 15.

    Cermet

    The orange fart cloud wins again against us educated elites (meaning people that read above the 6th grade level.)

    Well, up far too early (never slept at all.) Made a terrible mistake – got two vaccinations yesterday (one was a three part Tdap, the other for shingless.) I have massive flu like symtoms (I got the flu shot three months ago) – so I am suffering headach, bad body aches, a fever and running to pee every fifteen minutes. Damn, learned a hard lesson – one vaccination at a time!

  16. 16.

    Mnemosyne

    @Kai-two:

    Let’s be very clear about something first: Trump’s fans love it when he says stupid shit about the people they hate (foreigners, Black and brown people, women, “coastal elites,” etc) because he’s showing contempt for the people they hate. He can’t be bothered to learn about other countries or non-white people because they don’t count, amirite?

    They like it a whole lot less when he says stupid shit about THEM. They find that embarrassing and become very quiet all of a sudden, or very defensive of the idea that nobody’s perfect.

    This specific thing is EXACTLY the right thing to use to troll his supporters, because it’s embarrassing for them. We’ll never get them to vote for a Democrat, but we may be able to embarrass them into staying home on Election Day.

  17. 17.

    West of the Rockies

    @Suzanne:

    How did Cleveland come to be known for that particular act anyway?  I mean, a Stockton Steamer at least has alliteration in its corner.  Plus, if you’ve ever been to Stockton, it sort of makes sense.

  19. 19.

    John Revolta

    I’m half convinced that Trumpf didn’t even write this thing himself. It’s more the style of the flunkies he gets to do all his non-ranty tweets; he can’t be bothered with this pro forma nice guy stuff. Now if I’m right (always the safest assumption) then how come the glitch?

    1. The flunky is also stupid. A surprising number of people don’t know KCMO from KCKS and Trumpf has said he doesn’t like to hire people smarter than him (Gawdhelpus)

    B. Somebody set him up. Everybody that works for him hates him. Now you’d think this would be risky but really, when he comes to you pissed off (if he even has the balls to do so himself), all you’d have to do is say, “Hey, who the Hell knew there was two Kansas Whoozits, amirite?” and Trump would go “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Where’s my ice cream?”

    This would be even more effective if it was somebody he “trusts”, like one of the inner circle. Personally, I’m thinking Pompeo

    ETA: Shalimar: Yeah, Scavino’s a good suspect. I just would like it better if it was the Kansas guy.

  20. 20.

    Duane

    @Mnemosyne: Kansas City is fly over country to a coastal elite like Trumpov. He’s such a phony, a conman, and his supporters just can’t admit he’s played them for suckers.

    ETA: that was meant for Mnem.

  22. 22.

    David ??Merry Christmas?? Koch

    ESPN went out of their way to tell their audience Kansas City is in Missouri.

    Love it.

  25. 25.

    NotMax

    @John Revolta

    Actually frightening that (how many?) others have access to post to that account. What’s to stop someone from going nutso and putting up a message, say, that missiles were ordered fired at [insert target] as of five minutes ago? Or announcing the signing of a phony executive order?

  26. 26.

    mrmoshpotato

    Fuck this Soviet shitpile mobster conman who wants to be dictator of the US.

    (I don’t give a shit about stupid tweets anymore.  We need to electoral crush these fascist fucks in November.)

  28. 28.

    West of the Rockies

    @mrmoshpotato:

    This is really the point that KaiTwo was making above.  I guess that pointing and laughing at Trump lets off steam (steamers?).  But unless we crush him and his bigoted, no-nothing followers in November, it is quite empty.

    So again, GOTV.

  31. 31.

    Sab

    @Cermet: Oh. So sorry for you. My spouse did that a couple of months ago. He was so sick for a day or so. He did survive and so will you.

  35. 35.

    Chris T.

    @Mnemosyne: They like it a whole lot less when he says stupid shit about THEM. They find that embarrassing and become very quiet all of a sudden, or very defensive of the idea that nobody’s perfect.

    I don’t personally know any MAGAts, but it would be interesting to try this on them:

    ME: “Well, I guess Trump is right.”

    THEM: “??!”

    ME: “Like he tweeted, the state of Kansas beats the state of California. We just saw it in the Superbowl.”

    THEM: … (now what: if they call me dumb about getting the state wrong, they’re calling Trump dumb!)

  36. 36.

    TriassicSands

    @Cermet:

    It may not have mattered that you got two. I’ve had both shingles vaccines with no side effects at all — maybe a slightly sore arm.

    But I’ve had lots of “Tdaps” in my life and after every one I’ve had “flu-like” symptoms, especially fever and aching muscles.

    If you are sensitive to both and you got them separately you might have been sick twice.

    Fortunately, you should recover fairly quickly. Good luck.

     

    PS But you’ll probably be “artistic” [sic] now!

  37. 37.

    Sab

    @TriassicSands: When my spouse got both (the senior double dose flu shot and the new hefty shingles shot) he was really sick. Barfing in the bathroom sick all night. Not just the normal slightly feverish after a shot sick. They probably should stop giving them together.

    Hoping very much Cermet isn’t that sick

    ETA seriously contemplated taking spouse to ER level of sick.

  39. 39.

    Sab

    @NotMax: That is a point. Press covers his twitter as if it’s wods from him. Often it is not. So that should be an excuse for them to ignore ‘his’ tweets. Communicate through normal channels.

  40. 40.

    TriassicSands

    @Sab:

    When my spouse got both (the senior double dose flu shot and the new hefty shingles shot) he was really sick.

    It’s time for a scientific test (using your spouse, not me).

    He needs to go back and get each one separately and then repeat both at the same time. That way we can root out the real culprit.

    Obviously, I’m not serious, but since the two-at-once was a one-time event, how do we know what the problem was?

    The Shingrix is a two-part vaccine. Was this the first or second shot? If he’s never gotten sick before from a flu shot, then it seems likely that the shingles vaccine (or the two together?) was the problem. If this was the first Shingrix dose, then you should talk to a doctor before he gets the second dose, just in case the flu shot had nothing to do with his response. If it was the second, then he’s done and theoretically well-protected.

    It’s too bad he was that sick. However, from what I know of shingles and its possible severity, his illness was probably worth the “price” he had to pay. Good luck!

  41. 41.

    mrmoshpotato

    Lego is hiring.  Elite Ambulance is hiring.  Union Pacific is hiring.

    That only means one thing – I wanna drive a Lego ambulance locomotive!

  42. 42.

    Sab

    @TriassicSands: Agreed that worth it. It was his second shingles shot.

    His best friend’s 90ish dad died from complications of shingles. At his age, once he got it it never went away. Two plus years suffering. My 50 year old boss got shingles last year. Would not want to go through that.

  44. 44.

    prostratedragon

    If one absolutely seizes up at the horrible consequential atrocities he does, little shit like this can keep the ball rolling in a controlled way. (Consider my nym.)

  45. 45.

    Chris Johnson

    @Chris T.:
    Too complicated.
    “Bottom line, he doesn’t give a shit about you.”
    He doesn’t. He absolutely doesn’t. And that’s the one thing they can’t stand, and the thing the Republicans want to hang on to: they want to be able to behave like Democrats don’t give a shit about anybody who isn’t in a big coastal city, and Trump is ruining that.
    Not even on Putin’s behest: it’s just that it’s true, he so obviously doesn’t give a shit about any of them and hires people who are like him in that regard.
    It’s a weakness. We’ve got contenders on the Dem side who obviously do care about all Americans, in various ways (and a few who don’t). Trump does not.

  46. 46.

    germy

    POTUS gets simple geography wrong, and the Washington Post puts this on its front page:

    What happens when 4 Democratic candidates come to your city? There’s nowhere to park.

  47. 47.

    Anne Laurie

    @Sab: They probably should stop giving them together.

    I think I said this in another thread — my health provider  told me I had to choose between the first-of-two shingles shot and a flu shot.  Best practice, sounds like!

  48. 48.

    SFAW

    @Chris Johnson:

    “Bottom line, he doesn’t give a shit about you.”

    He doesn’t. He absolutely doesn’t. And that’s the one thing they can’t stand, and the thing the Republicans want to hang on to: they want to be able to behave like Democrats don’t give a shit about anybody who isn’t in a big coastal city, and Trump is ruining that.

    Your first three sentences are correct. And while the Traitor-in-Chief enablers may be upset about his treatment of them, they don’t care enough to vote against him. They know, at the end of the day, he’ll still spew his comforting lies about Dems, blacks, foreigners, women, and so forth, and they’ll be OK with that. It’s like the Talibangelicals: he could cheat on Melania with a different woman each day, and say he’s greater than Jesus, etc., but as long as he gets them they’re Taliban-loving judges, and hurts The Others, they’ll live with it.

  50. 50.

    SFAW

    @SFAW: “their,” not “they’re.” JHC, pre-caffeine commenting

    ETA: And had I been smarter: when I tried to fix it with five seconds left, I should have just added a space (rather than try to correct the spelling), hit save, and the timer would (probably) have reset, etc.

  51. 51.

    different-church-lady

    This is what happens when you make your own staff afaid of you.

    The really funny thing about it is Missouri is much more of a swing state than Kansas will ever be.

  54. 54.

    Steeplejack

    @Steeplejack:

    Well, it didn’t reset when I added a space with 10 seconds to go. I wonder if it wants “real” text or if the reset gizmo works only with more time to go.

    ETA: Okay, I waited until 3:50 left and added a space, but it didn’t change the edit timer. Went back and added “XX,” and it did change the edit timer. So apparently the edit timer wants to see some real text in the edit.

    ETFA: And this ETA reset the edit timer.

  55. 55.

    SFAW

    @different-church-lady:

    It did reset when I did that at a little over two minutes. I decided not to let the timer run down to 10 seconds. But just for you, and because Steeplejack already did the heavy lifting, I’ll try it. If it resets with fewer than 10 seconds to go, I’ll post an ETA to this comment. After that, I’ll be off to check whether CVS shorted us on the 500-pack of cotton swabs.

  57. 57.

    Steeplejack

    @SFAW:

    Spaces—at least trailing spaces—don’t work at all. The editor trims them and apparently determines that the comment wasn’t edited. But adding a single “real” character worked for me.

    ETA: I wonder if your spaces that worked were at the end of the comment or somewhere “inside” the text. Might make a difference.

  58. 58.

    Steeplejack

    @SFAW:

    Re cotton swabs: I had to buy some recently at CVS, Target or someplace and was thoroughly daunted by the huge packages. I got that Costco feeling of “I may not actually live long enough to use all of these.” Finally found a smaller package with a better count for me. (I use only three or four a week, probably.)

  59. 59.

    Mousebumples

    @Cermet: pharmacist checking in here. I don’t think the issue is 2 vaccines at once. That sounds like (unfortunately) common side effects to the newest shingles shot. It should pass in a few days but it might happen again when you get the second dose. That’s not to say you shouldn’t get the 2nd one – but perhaps schedule the second dose for when you have not too much going on for a few days… Just in case.

    @TriassicSands: slight quibble – most of the time I have no issue with the flu shot. In 2018,i had flu like symptoms for about 24 hours. The flu shot changes each year (the viral components, anyhow), so you may not have the same reaction (or lack thereof) every time.

  60. 60.

    SFAW

    @Steeplejack: You may be right. However, I have so many other important things to do — watch the grass not grow, contemplate the vicissitudes of life, look for amusing ferret videos on MySpace, read another half-baked polemic from McWaggyFinger, and so forth — that I will probably not set up an engineering experiment on this for some time.

    On the whole cotton swab thing: I’m sure we could compare notes, etc., but …

    Apropos of nothing in particular: congrats to the son of former Mets reliever Pat Mahomes. The kid might have a future in football.

  61. 61.

    Steeplejack

    @SFAW:

    Got it. Forgive my enthusiasm. Tinkering with Internet/​programming stuff is my looking for amusing ferret videos.

  62. 62.

    WaterGirl

    @Steeplejack:

    So apparently the edit timer wants to see some real text in the edit.

    This is correct.  Even one letter should do it.

    If you’re close to the end of the 5-minute edit window, your best bet is an “x” at the end of your comment.  x is close to the bottom of the keyboard, it’s easy to find, and it always works.  Literally any random letter works, but if you’re that close to being out of time, don’t take the extra second to decide which letter to use.

  63. 63.

    SFAW

    @Steeplejack:

    Forgive my enthusiasm.

    Each to his/her own. I was just busting chops/joking a little, my apologies if it came across as if I was actually trying to give you a hard time.

  64. 64.

    SFAW

    @WaterGirl:

    Thanks for the “pro tip.” Fortunately, you didn’t say “Hit any key,” because then I’d be searching for the “Any” key. [Yes, I’m attempting a joke.]

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