My brother is a magpie, and a grotesque abuser of the English language, both qualities which come in handy at times like these.
Here are a couple of his gifts to me, regifted to you, from the last few days.
1: A dread disease dad joke:
You know, with climate change and mild, short winters, tick borne diseases are moving north and appearing in locations unfamiliar with them. The good news?
You can now get Lyme with your Corona.
And then, for the musically inclined, he sent me this, which originated a classmate of his from high school, now turned into a pro violinist:
“Cloroxissmo” FTW.
Over to y’all: open (especially for gallows humor) thread.
Image: Pieter Claesz, Still life with a glass of beer and smoked herring on a plate, 1636
trollhattan
Sooo clever. And a Placido joke at no extra charge!
Fair Economist
That Etude is a masterpiece! Or if you use spray Clorox, a mister-piece.
Betty Cracker
Did y’all see Trump’s press conference? Someone managed to impress upon him the seriousness of the situation. I wonder who, and I wonder how. Trump is still a know-nothing train wreck, and I am confident he will continue to fuck up in every conceivable way. But there was much less evidence of the magical thinking that characterized other appearances.
(And on that note, it’s time for quarantinis! Ta!)
WaterGirl
@Betty Cracker: Not that we can come visit you and hang out at your tiki bar at this point, but have you built one yet at the new homestead?
trollhattan
@Betty Cracker:
Is he finally pivoting for Ivanka?
hells littlest angel
@Betty Cracker: For a properly made dry quarantini, you just wave the bottle of bleach past the bottle of alcohol.
WaterGirl
@hells littlest angel: ha!
Nicole
I love the Etude. I sent it to my son’s piano teacher, who will be teaching him via video conference tomorrow.
I read that NYC is allowing bars and restaurants to sell alcohol for takeout. I’m glad we know how to keep the city running.
piratedan
I’m guessing Jared finally turned in his assessment: In short, you’re fucked unless you start doing what the smart people tell you to do… take credit for it anyway, it’s what your MAGA supporters will believe.
WaterGirl
@Nicole: I can’t read music. What am I missing?
zhena gogolia
@WaterGirl:
The notation indicates that somebody is going up and down the keyboard with Purell and Clorox. First they’re agitated and when they finish the sanitizing they’re calm (“placido”). The somewhat irrelevant joke there is that Placido Domingo has had a #MeToo meltdown
ETA: And it ends “without infection” and (I think) “Dry.”
RSA
@Betty Cracker:
The etymologically inclined can also drink 40s.
noname
Deleted.
noname
@zhena gogolia: I hope you see this; I replied to you the other day (night?) when you first mentioned your anxiety and stress. You are such a good person; when I read your comments wishing people well or expressing sympathy the sincerity comes through even in a format like this. Many times I have wished that you were a relative that I could talk to or that at least I had had a teacher like you. Please take care of yourself. A situation like this is overwhelming and unknown. Accept the fact that there is very little you can do and stressing over what you can’t do will only harm you and those around you. Take things one minute at a time. Concentrate on your lesson planning. Think how you can help immediate family or neighbors. And didn’t you just adopt two kitties? Take pictures and send them here and update us on their shenanigans!
SFBayAreaGal
My apologies
Shelter in place has been ordered for most of the San Francisco Bay Area counties.
https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/Bay-Area-to-shelter-in-place-What-you-need-15135087.php
AliceBlue
Randy Rainbow has ridden to the rescue again with a new video – “Coronavirus Lament” (sung to the tune of Adelaide’s Lament from Guys and Dolls).
cain
I already castigated you on twitter for that joke! :-)
danielx
@hells littlest angel:
May have to score some Everclear – not only drinkable (barely) but suitable for disinfectant even if diluted.
Nicole
@WaterGirl:
@zhena gogolia:
Zhena gogolia explained it well. I think I saw my son’s teacher perform this last week after lesson. ;) He was bringing wipes to all lessons and cleaning the keyboards ahead of the full onset of the crisis.
The musical terms in the piece, of course, are a bit of punnery.
My son is on spring break (how conveeeenient), and spending all of it on video chat with his friends. As I spent 6 hours today watching McMillions (since we just subscribed again to HBO), I have no room to lecture.
The Dangerman
@Betty Cracker:
Some MOTU with a shredded portfolio told him to knock off the ad lib shit? I didn’t watch, but it sounds like he played it straight.
He HAS to be freaked out.
zhena gogolia
@noname:
Thank you — I answered you below:
Thank you. We sadly decided not to take the cats right now. I was waking up at 3 AM worrying about how to feed and care for them on top of everything else. It seems the owner has found at least a temporary place for them. I was hoping we could take them when everything “settles down,” but it doesn’t look as if that’s going to be any time soon.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
WaterGirl
@zhena gogolia: Thank you!
Steeplejack (phone)
See photo:
PsiFighter37
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: He probably figures since WV has no confirmed cases (yet), they are doing something right. Dumbass.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Steeplejack (phone): Heh.
danielx
@piratedan:
“But I know more than they do!”:
:::::in whiny five year old voice:::::
Nicole
@Steeplejack (phone): That’s hilarious.
noname
@zhena gogolia: That sounds like it was the best decision for you and the kitties. When the time is right a new pair will appear for you.
Ken
@The Dangerman: Putin, perhaps? I can’t imagine this has been good for the New York, Seattle, London, etc. real estate markets where all those stolen rubles were parked.
bluehill
from dailykos – another take on the maga hats
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2020/3/16/1928017/-Without-Comment?utm_campaign=trending
Elizabelle
@Betty Cracker: Quarantinis. Love it.
@hells littlest angel: Great advice on the dry (and safe) version.
trollhattan
@Steeplejack (phone):
VERY clever.
Steeplejack (phone)
I changed my reservation to fly from Las Vegas back to D.C. tomorrow afternoon instead of Wednesday. I feel a lot calmer after doing that.
WaterGirl
@Nicole: Are you familiar with Stephen Covey’s chart?
I. Urgent & Important = crisis
II. Important but not urgent = where you want to spend most of your time
III. Urgent & unimportant = how we get sucked into emails because they ding even though less important than other things
IV. Not urgent & not important = where you go for respite when you have too much crisis. Watching cat videos, binging TV, movies, etc.
It’s perfectly normal for us to retreat to this stuff.
One foot forward, and take care of ourselves and others.
WaterGirl
@Steeplejack (phone): Glad to hear that.
WereBear
@zhena gogolia: I hope the right cats come along. And today was the first time in two weeks I felt a little less vigilant.
The Dangerman
@Nicole:
I’ve just been looping “This Is The End”, imagining Trump as Michael Cera with the light pole.
Hey, you this was the dark humor thread, right?
zhena gogolia
@WereBear:
What do you mean?
Baud
In case opera fans missed this
Zzyzx
Today’s King County update is late which scares me, because there’s definitely been a trend of bad news coming late, good news early.
However, in terms of gallows humor, this Phish head is amused that the number of confirmed cases in King County is still showing at yesterday’s number: 420.
Renie
Has anyone else read that instead of doing his job, Moscow Mitch is too busy focusing on asking federal judges who may be retiring in the next year or so, to retire now so he can replace them with unqualified hard right conservatives. Guess he realizes trump won’t win re-election.
Elizabelle
@Renie: And I hope Mitch realizes he may lose control of the Senate.
Now there is someone I am rooting for the coronavirus to mess with. Hard.
Mike in NC
If you have HBO, tonight is the start of “The Plot Against America“, a miniseries adaptation of Philip Roth’s 2004 alt-history novel in which FDR was defeated in 1940 by celebrity Charles Lindberg. “Lucky Lindy” was an isolationist, xenophobe, and Nazi-sympathizer who started a movement called ‘America First’ (another slogan appropriated by Fat Bastard, because he steals everything). Creeping anti-Semitism and authoritarianism ensue. Good thing it was fiction, right?
WereBear
@zhena gogolia: so much has been uncertain and hidden. Now we know the White House really was ignoring it and we know what we have to do. There’s a bit of relief from the suspense.
zhena gogolia
@Baud:
Thank you.
zhena gogolia
@WereBear:
I wish I knew what to do!
ThresherK
If someone needs an ignored movie to watch, I recommend Peter Bogdanovich’s The Cat’s Meow from 2001. It’s a “most whispered tales” take on the death of Hollywood bigwig Thomas Ince in 1924.
Pro tip: Don’t search for The Cat’s Meow Movie on YouTube unless you want to wade through a hundred items about the movie Cats.
HumboldtBlue
@Betty Cracker:
Well, he gave himself a score of 10 for the manner in which he handled the crisis.
So drink a lot.
Zzyzx
There it is. 68 more cases, 6 more deaths – one a woman in her 50s.
We’re not seeing a second derivative increase but I wonder if that’s just because we’re not testing. The increases in the last few days have been: 68, 32, 60, 58, 36, 74.
That feels more linear, less exponential but I’d feel better if we were testing.
Calouste
Another one of Bolsonaro’s minions who was at Mar-a-Corona got infected.
Kathleen
@Fair Economist: Sending thoughts and sprayers.
WereBear
@zhena gogolia: I know you’re working from home. That’s an adjustment.
WereBear
@Calouste: what a pit of infection it’s turning out to be.
Kathleen
@Mike in NC: Thank you for the heads up! I read that book several years ago and found it riveting. OT, but do you by any chance watch Avenue 5 on HBO? Brilliant brilliant satire from the creator of Veep. I don’t see any buzz about it online though.
zhena gogolia
@WereBear:
I actually got a lot done today, if you can believe it. I wrote half of a very difficult memo. Other half tomorrow, I hope. Then I have to go full speed ahead into teaching. I have to just stop worrying about the future. It’s a new feeling.
FelonyGovt
@zhena gogolia: We’re all in this together. I think we’re all feeling our way into what will be a very different life for the next little while. (Virtual, social-distance) hugs to you and to all of us.
WereBear
@zhena gogolia: good news. Remember, control is an illusion.
Dadadadadadada
@Kathleen: It’s one of the few shows I’m aware of, but only because there’s an ad for it on a bus stop I ride past every day.
Uncle Jeffy
I can’t get the corona virus – I only drink Dos Equis.
Uncle Omar
Any probate lawyers out there? There’s a gold mine waiting for you at The Villages. You’ll probably end up with at least two golf carts by way of fees.
KrackenJack
@Zzyzx: Is cannabis delivery an essential business service? AFAF