Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

You can’t love your country only when you win.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Republicans in disarray!

The revolution will be supervised.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?

Bark louder, little dog.

You are here: Home / Healthcare / COVID-19 Coronavirus / A Little Tiny Bit Of Respite Humor

A Little Tiny Bit Of Respite Humor

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My brother is a magpie, and a grotesque abuser of the English language, both qualities which come in handy at times like these.

Here are a couple of his gifts to me, regifted to you, from the last few days.

1: A dread disease dad joke:

You know, with climate change and mild, short winters, tick borne diseases are moving north and appearing in locations unfamiliar with them. The good news?

You can now get Lyme with your Corona.

A Little Tiny Bit Of Respite Humor 1

Cue this.

And then, for the musically inclined, he sent me this, which originated a classmate of his from high school, now turned into a pro violinist:

A Little Tiny Bit Of Respite Humor

“Cloroxissmo” FTW.

Over to y’all: open (especially for gallows humor) thread.

Image: Pieter Claesz, Still life with a glass of beer and smoked herring on a plate, 1636

Reader Interactions

62Comments

  3. 3.

    Betty Cracker

    Did y’all see Trump’s press conference? Someone managed to impress upon him the seriousness of the situation. I wonder who, and I wonder how. Trump is still a know-nothing train wreck, and I am confident he will continue to fuck up in every conceivable way. But there was much less evidence of the magical thinking that characterized other appearances.

    (And on that note, it’s time for quarantinis! Ta!)

  8. 8.

    Nicole

    I love the Etude.  I sent it to my son’s piano teacher, who will be teaching him via video conference tomorrow.

    I read that NYC is allowing bars and restaurants to sell alcohol for takeout.  I’m glad we know how to keep the city running.

  9. 9.

    piratedan

    I’m guessing Jared finally turned in his assessment:  In short, you’re fucked unless you start doing what the smart people tell you to do… take credit for it anyway, it’s what your MAGA supporters will believe.

  11. 11.

    zhena gogolia

    @WaterGirl:

    The notation indicates that somebody is going up and down the keyboard with Purell and Clorox. First they’re agitated and when they finish the sanitizing they’re calm (“placido”). The somewhat irrelevant joke there is that Placido Domingo has had a #MeToo meltdown

    ETA: And it ends “without infection” and (I think) “Dry.”

  14. 14.

    noname

    @zhena gogolia: I hope you see this; I replied to you the other day (night?) when you first mentioned your anxiety and stress.  You are such a good person; when I read your comments wishing people well or expressing sympathy the sincerity comes through even in a format like this.  Many times I have wished that you were a relative that I could talk to or that at least I had had a teacher like you.  Please take care of yourself.  A situation like this is overwhelming and unknown.  Accept the fact that there is very little you can do and stressing over what you can’t do will only harm you and those around you.  Take things one minute at a time.  Concentrate on your lesson planning.  Think how you can help immediate family or neighbors.  And didn’t you just adopt two kitties?  Take pictures and send them here and  update us on their shenanigans!

  16. 16.

    AliceBlue

    Randy Rainbow has ridden to the rescue again with a new video – “Coronavirus Lament” (sung to the tune of Adelaide’s Lament from Guys and Dolls).

  19. 19.

    Nicole

    @WaterGirl:

    @zhena gogolia:

    Zhena gogolia explained it well.  I think I saw my son’s teacher perform this last week after lesson. ;)  He was bringing wipes to all lessons and cleaning the keyboards ahead of the full onset of the crisis.

    The musical terms in the piece, of course, are a bit of punnery.

    My son is on spring break (how conveeeenient), and spending all of it on video chat with his friends.  As I spent 6 hours today watching McMillions (since we just subscribed again to HBO), I have no room to lecture.

  20. 20.

    The Dangerman

    @Betty Cracker:

    I wonder who, and I wonder how.

    Some MOTU with a shredded portfolio told him to knock off the ad lib shit? I didn’t watch, but it sounds like he played it straight.

    He HAS to be freaked out.

  21. 21.

    zhena gogolia

    @noname:

    Thank you — I answered you below:

    Thank you. We sadly decided not to take the cats right now. I was waking up at 3 AM worrying about how to feed and care for them on top of everything else. It seems the owner has found at least a temporary place for them. I was hoping we could take them when everything “settles down,” but it doesn’t look as if that’s going to be any time soon.

  22. 22.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @adamkraymond
    · 1h
    West Virginia Gov. Jim Justice not exactly encouraging social distancing: “Go to the grocery stores. If you want to go to Bob Evans and eat, go to Bob Evans and eat.”

     

  27. 27.

    danielx

    @piratedan:

    In short, you’re fucked unless you start doing what the smart people tell you to do…

    “But I know more than they do!”:

    :::::in whiny five year old voice:::::

  30. 30.

    Ken

    @The Dangerman: Putin, perhaps?  I can’t imagine this has been good for the New York, Seattle, London, etc. real estate markets where all those stolen rubles were parked.

  34. 34.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    I changed my reservation to fly from Las Vegas back to D.C. tomorrow afternoon instead of Wednesday. I feel a lot calmer after doing that.

  35. 35.

    WaterGirl

    @Nicole: Are you familiar with Stephen Covey’s chart?

    A Little Tiny Bit Of Respite Humor 2

    I.  Urgent & Important = crisis

    II.  Important but not urgent = where you want to spend most of your time

    III.  Urgent & unimportant = how we get sucked into emails because they ding even though less important than other things

    IV.  Not urgent &  not important = where you go for respite when you have too much crisis.  Watching cat videos, binging TV, movies, etc.

    It’s perfectly normal for us to retreat to this stuff.

    One foot forward, and take care of ourselves and others.

  38. 38.

    The Dangerman

    @Nicole:

    As I spent 6 hours today watching McMillions…

    I’ve just been looping “This Is The End”, imagining Trump as Michael Cera with the light pole.

    Hey, you this was the dark humor thread, right?

  40. 40.

    Baud

    In case opera fans missed this

    Met to launch “Nightly Met Opera Streams,” a free series of encore Live in HD presentations streamed on the company website during the coronavirus closure

  41. 41.

    Zzyzx

    Today’s King County update is late which scares me, because there’s definitely been a trend of bad news coming late, good news early.

    However, in terms of gallows humor, this Phish head is amused that the number of confirmed cases in King County is still showing at yesterday’s number: 420.

  42. 42.

    Renie

    Has anyone else read that instead of doing his job, Moscow Mitch is too busy focusing on asking federal judges who may be retiring in the next year or so, to retire now so he can replace them with unqualified hard right conservatives. Guess he realizes trump won’t win re-election.

  43. 43.

    Elizabelle

    @Renie:   And I hope Mitch realizes he may lose control of the Senate.

    Now there is someone I am rooting for the coronavirus to mess with.  Hard.

  44. 44.

    Mike in NC

    If you have HBO, tonight is the start of “The Plot Against America“, a miniseries adaptation of Philip Roth’s 2004 alt-history novel in which FDR was defeated in 1940 by celebrity Charles Lindberg. “Lucky Lindy” was an isolationist, xenophobe, and Nazi-sympathizer who started a movement called ‘America First’ (another slogan appropriated by Fat Bastard, because he steals everything). Creeping anti-Semitism and authoritarianism ensue. Good thing it was fiction, right?

  48. 48.

    ThresherK

    If someone needs an ignored movie to watch, I recommend Peter Bogdanovich’s The Cat’s Meow from 2001. It’s a “most whispered tales” take on the death of Hollywood bigwig Thomas Ince in 1924.

    Pro tip: Don’t search for The Cat’s Meow Movie on YouTube unless you want to wade through a hundred items about the movie Cats.

  50. 50.

    Zzyzx

    There it is. 68 more cases, 6 more deaths – one a woman in her 50s.

    We’re not seeing a second derivative increase but I wonder if that’s just because we’re not testing. The increases in the last few days have been:  68, 32, 60, 58, 36, 74.

    That feels more linear, less exponential but I’d feel better if we were testing.

  55. 55.

    Kathleen

    @Mike in NC: Thank you for the heads up! I read that book several  years ago and found it riveting. OT, but do you by any chance watch Avenue 5 on HBO? Brilliant brilliant satire from the creator of Veep. I don’t see any buzz about it online though.

  56. 56.

    zhena gogolia

    @WereBear:

    I actually got a lot done today, if you can believe it. I wrote half of a very difficult memo. Other half tomorrow, I hope. Then I have to go full speed ahead into teaching. I have to just stop worrying about the future. It’s a new feeling.

  57. 57.

    FelonyGovt

    @zhena gogolia: We’re all in this together. I think we’re all feeling our way into what will be a very different life for the next little while. (Virtual, social-distance) hugs to you and to all of us.

  59. 59.

    Dadadadadadada

    @Kathleen: It’s one of the few shows I’m aware of, but only because there’s an ad for it on a bus stop I ride past every day.

  61. 61.

    Uncle Omar

    Any probate lawyers out there?  There’s a gold mine waiting for you at The Villages.  You’ll probably end up with at least two golf carts by way of fees.

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