Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Pelosi: “He either is stupid, or he thinks the rest of us are.” Why not both?

Prediction: the gop will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

“When somebody takes the time to draw up a playbook, they’re gonna use it.”

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

Wake up. Grow up. Get in the fight.

Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!

Donald Trump, welcome to your everything, everywhere, all at once.

Trump makes a mockery of the legal system and cowardly judges just sit back and let him.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

Never forget that he train is barreling down on Trump, even as he dances on the tracks.

The rest of the comments were smacking Boebert like she was a piñata.

“Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on.”

Russia bombs Ukraine’s maternity hospitals; Republicans in the House can’t sort out supporting Ukraine.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

It is possible to do the right thing without the promise of a cookie.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / Sunday Afternoon Silliness/Tikka Ain’t Got Time For Trump’s Nonsense

Sunday Afternoon Silliness/Tikka Ain’t Got Time For Trump’s Nonsense

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So, this picture (taken yesterday) expresses both Tikka’s and my contempt for our current leadership:

Sunday Afternoon Silliness

And here he is, the Right Hon. Tikka, about to testify to Trump’s manifold failures, swearing his oath on the text of his choosing:

Sunday Afternoon Silliness 1

And last, a challenge for y’all.

Context, and shared pain: my sibs and I are addicted to various forms of wordplay. We’ve been trading limericks in our weekly video calls. Here’s one from my older brother:

We are learning to live with the virus.
In fact I think you’ll admire us.
     No more feeling strapped,
     Pesach helped us adapt.
Now we’re switching to toilet papyrus!

Not too shabby!

Sunday Afternoon Silliness/Tikka Ain't Got Time For Trump's Nonsense

And here are my three entries from yesterday. They don’t all scan, but they mean well:

My cat, Tikka, begs us remember
Lest our emotions we dismember
The virus, he hissed,
Will not be missed,

Nor will Donald, come the rout in November.

A ribosome did an RNA replicate,
Crown’ed molecules to precipitate
Trump in his seat…
Is denied a repeat

After the disaster he failed to anticipate.

Tikka shelters in place,
Sporting his I-Hate-You face.
“You’re too slow to feed me,
And that kibble is lousy..

I should be in charge of this space!”

Now the challenge, or the opportunity. Jackals, have at it: share your bad jokes, memes limericks, clerihews, Balliol rhymes, Tom Swifties–hell, a sonnet, if you’re on it.  The more it hurts the better it is for all of us.

Image: William Mulready, The Sonnet, 1839. (Yeah, I know. It’s pretty dreadful. But it fits!)

Reader Interactions

109Comments

  1. 1.

    Hungry Joe

    A joke, kind of, and not even original: S-f writer C.J. Cherryh, on people crowding into churches because they’ll be safe there because Jesus, etc.: “Don’t sit on the railroad tracks and ask God to stop the 5:15.”

  3. 3.

    WaterGirl

    Oh, sure, Tom!  Where were you for the limerick contest here a week ago yesterday?  Saving all your best stuff for your own post.  I see how you are!  :-)

    edit: In case it’s not obvious, i am not serious.  The more fun the better, wherever we find it.

    P.S.  I cannot look at a photo of your beloved Tikka without thinking “Note to self:  Do not fuck with Tikka.”

  8. 8.

    Tom Levenson

    @Amir Khalid: He really does channel Lee. I’ve got one I’ve been saving for you, and that’s kind of disappeared. I’ll have to dig through the catalogue.

  9. 9.

    MobiusKlein

    Grr, went to the store for TP, and when I got in line, there was one pack left.  Then before I got in, it was purchased.   Down to two rolls for a family of 4

  12. 12.

    joel hanes

    dreadful

    Your standards are high.

    Late in life, my beloved great-aunt took up watercolors, and gave her output to anyone to whom she could plausibly give a gift.

    Now those were dreadful.

  14. 14.

    Capri

    @WaterGirl:  Reminds me of the observation that the one thing the current pandemic has in common with that of 1918 (and every other pandemic back to the black death) is prayer. If the prayers and church going didn’t slow down the fricking plague, why would you think it’s going to stop it now?

     

    In the apartment across the street from live 2 grade school boys who run around in front of their building most afternoons. I’d love to leave them and their mother something to occupy their time – educational and engaging. Would love some suggestions.

  16. 16.

    Catherine D.

    @Tom Levenson:

    @Amir Khalid: He really does channel Lee. I’ve got one I’ve been saving for you, and that’s kind of disappeared. I’ll have to dig through the catalogue

    Oh, great, thanks both of you, Now I’m dredging up an MST3K episode with Lee van Cleef and a van Patten? Worse than an earworm

  18. 18.

    Betty Cracker

    @MobiusKlein: Same, so might as well do a limerick about it:

    The TP shortage continuously aggrieves.
    The hoarders are no better than thieves.
    There’s no end to the demand,
    And no deliverance at hand.
    We’ll soon be wiping our asses with leaves!

  21. 21.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    Beyond my skill set. Think I’ll just lurk and read the literary brilliance of others.

  22. 22.

    japa21

    Tom Dempsey, long time holder of the longest field goal in NFL history dies from Covid. Age 73.

  23. 23.

    satby

    @MobiusKlein: in the garden thread I mentioned that I was going to fetch TP for #2 son from #1 son. Someone also told me to check Dollar stores. So on the way home I hit a Dollar General at the edge of South Bend and scored more! I can mail you four more rolls, hit my Etsy site (click my nym) and send me your address in a message.

  26. 26.

    Yutsano

    @John Cole: Papa Stevedore Hemingway is floofy. And is only fierce because you obviously underfeed him. Tikka will fuck anyone up without a second thought.

  27. 27.

    raven

    @WaterGirl:
    The Who – 5:15
    Inside outside, leave me alone
    Inside outside, nowhere is home
    Inside outside, where have I been?
    Out of my brain on the five fifteen
    Out of my brain on the train
    Out of my brain on the train
    On a raft in the quarry
    Slowly sinking
    Back of a lorry
    Holy hitching
    Dreadfully sorry
    Apple scrumping
    Born in the war
    Birthday punching

  30. 30.

    Michael

    @Michael: But now I have more things (this guy’s paintings) to look for the next time I’m at the Tate and V&A WHERE AMONG OTHER PLACES OVER THERE I WAS GONNA BE AT RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

    So thanks.

    According to a Wikipedia footnote, he was covered in the book Sexual Heretics which the NYPL and the Strand bookstore (cheaper than any used copy listed on Amazon) have. Both closed of course.

  31. 31.

    tokyokie

    There once was a fat guy from Queens

    Who cloaked his bald pate by all means

    He colored his skin

    Like a clown mannequin

    And killed thousands of human beings

  32. 32.

    dlwchico

    A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
    A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

    “Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

    He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
    pulls back the covers.

    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
    She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
    “Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
    very, closely:

    “Are – my – test – results – back?”

  33. 33.

    K488

    For your sister, with whom I share a field:

    We use Zoom to outfox the Corona

    Teaching music that came from Verona

    But why teach the Baroque

    In the midst of this joke?

    Just give up and go sing My Sharona!

  34. 34.

    LuciaMia

    on people crowding into churches because they’ll be safe there because Jesus

    Whats amazing is these are probably the same galoots thatll harrumph about “God will not be mocked” and “you cant tempt God.”

  37. 37.

    CaseyL

    I am at home on my own

    But I can handle being alone

    I’ve cats for companionship

    Food ‘n stuff can be shipped

    And people are on my smartphone

  38. 38.

    MobiusKlein

    @satby: That’s generous of you – but I’ll try my luck locally first.

    Nextdoor may come in handy, perhaps.   I’ll try begging and bartering there first.

  40. 40.

    LuciaMia

    We’ll soon be wiping our asses with leaves!

    Just remember the old rhyme about “leaves of three…”

  42. 42.

    waratah

    My daughter found some Toilet tissue  at Lowe’s a couple of weeks ago. I have not been inside in years, just the garden center. I would not have thought to look there.

  43. 43.

    CaseyL

    Those of you who photograph your cats:  How do you get them to stay still long enough to click?

    I swear mine believe that having a picture taken drains part of their souls:  they can be in the cutest or most majestic of poses… and the minute I raise my phone they move, turn their heads, or just walk away.

  44. 44.

    marv

    Our “Pres” was late on the jump
    The White House turned into a dump
    He’s even changed words
    I used to say turds
    Now I’m taking a Trump

  45. 45.

    trollhattan

    @waratah:

    Now that you mention it, Home Despot has added a pretty big janitorial supply section and TP is one of the items they typically carry. Hmmmm.

  46. 46.

    NotMax

    (A quickly composed rather ragged one, with a touch of artistic license.)

    A pestilent virus named covid
    For which Trump administered no lid
    Thus it rages amuck
    Still he passes the buck
    Election defeat his quo pro quid.

  50. 50.

    Elizabelle

    Queen Elizabeth has issued a 4-minute national address on the coronavirus.  She looks determined and healthy.  (She’s 93; Prince Philip is 98.)  WaPost link.
    The Queen reassures Britons of eventual victory over coronavirus. The health secretary begs them to stop sunbathing.

    … In a rare broadcast to the United Kingdom and Commonwealth — only the fifth in her 68-year reign — Queen Elizabeth II said “we should take comfort that while we may have more still to endure, better days will return: We will be with our friends again, we will be with our families again, we will meet again.”

     
    Buckingham Palace described the 4-minute speech as “a deeply personal message … reflecting [the Queen’s] experience in other difficult times.” In her remarks, she referred to her first radio broadcast in 1940, when as a 14-year-old princess she made her first public speech to console children who were being taken from London to countryside to escape bombing by the German Luftwaffe.

     
    On Sunday evening, she spoke of “an increasingly challenging time. A time of disruption in the life of our country: a disruption that has brought grief to some, financial difficulties to many, and enormous changes to the daily lives of us all.”

    She thanked the front line health care workers and all who were doing essential jobs. She thanked, too, those who were staying at home — “thereby helping to protect the vulnerable and sparing many families the pain already felt by those who have lost loved ones.”

    “I hope in the years to come everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge,” she said. “And those who come after us will say that the Britons of this generation were as strong as any. That the attributes of self-discipline, of quiet good-humored resolve and of fellow-feeling still characterize this country.”
     

    …. While her Christmas Day message is an annual broadcast event, the queen has addressed the country in this way only four other times in long reign: on her Diamond Jubilee in 2012, on the deaths of the Queen Mother in 2002 and Princess Diana in 1997, and on the Gulf War in 1991.

  51. 51.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    @CaseyL:  in my experience, you need to keep your camera at the ready to catch the shots, which isn’t that hard when you have your camera in your phone.

    A friend of mine pointed out that the difference between a photographer, and a non-photographer, is subject and framing – a person learning photography starts seeing things in terms of good shots, good lighting, reasonable background, etc.. So a good photographer will realize a shot is good, or likely to become good, and thus, snap, or stay ready.

    Of course, part of it is also helping to train the cat – show them that when you’re doing this funny thing with this funny thing in front of your face, it doesn’t mean they have to pay attention. There’s probably a happy medium behind snapping, then scritching, to make sure your cats don’t immediately start mugging for scritches, rather than a good pic.

  52. 52.

    CaseyL

    “Toilet paper, spooked by seeing so many members of its kind vanish so quickly from their normal environment, may be hesitantly edging back into the areas it used to occupy in vast numbers. There are reports of anywhere from one to four toilet paper rolls appearing on shelves again, but these cannot be confirmed as the rolls were gone before any additional sightings were reported.”

  53. 53.

    Patricia Kayden

    @MobiusKlein: I assume that you can’t buy toilet paper online now. Perhaps you have to go first thing in the morning to grab a roll. All the stores in my area are rationing toilet paper and other goods that are being hoarded.

  54. 54.

    trollhattan

    We’ve all heard about the pre-born, now meet the pre-martyred.

    Defying orders from public health officials and Gov. Gavin Newsom to avoid large gatherings during the coronavirus pandemic, a church in Roseville held a two-hour service Sunday morning attended by dozens of parishioners.

    Abundant Life Fellowship Church went ahead as promised, blocking outsiders and media from coming inside or interviewing attendees, but allowing parishioners to file in from more than 40 vehicles that were in the parking lot near downtown Roseville.

    “If you are a visitor (not a part of ALF) and plan on traveling here to ‘shame’ us, SHAME ON YOU!” he wrote. “In these dangerous times you will be putting our church community at GREAT risk! YOU ARE NOT WELCOMED AT THIS CHURCH.

    “This is not a show! This is not a game! WE ARE AT WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    “Until this crisis is behind us this is NOT Church as usual.”

    One parishioner – a mean wearing a “President Trump, Make America Great Again” cap – declined to talk when asked for comment.

    “Not interested,” he said.

    Church officials then asked The Sacramento Bee to leave their property.
    https://www.sacbee.com/news/local/article241785931.html#storylink=cpy

    Lovely people, all.

  58. 58.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    @Betty Cracker:

    Parents who’ve wiped many a  bottom  quite bare,
    Now confused with their own derriere
    with a wet rag can say “fuck it”
    to be dropped in an old diaper bucket
    with bleached water, to avoid stinky air.

    If you can get over the squeamishness, a wet rag *is* considered one of the best wipes (short of a bidet); and just to be clear, you have a pile of dry rags at the ready, wet them, use them, then drop them in a diaper pail (which is why my limerick referenced parents, specifically, and, obviously, not those who only used disposables.) If you have enough rags, and a covered bucket of water with a bit of bleach, to keep the odor down, you can get by with minimal paper assistance *if* you’ve got your own laundry facilities. Not optimal, I grant, but better than leaves.

  59. 59.

    CaseyL

    @trollhattan: A Washington state beer brand, Rainier, used to have the absolute bestest commercials.

    One was “The Hunting of the Wild Rainier.”

    They dressed people up as “Wild Rainiers” (like deer, only giant beer bottles) and had Mickey Rooney (!) chasing after them with a giant bottle opener.

    So, during huntin’ season, one would find the empty bottles of vanquished Rainiers right near all those cardboard tubes of vanquished TP rolls in the National Parks.

    ETA:  Ah!  Found one!

    The Wild Rainiers also used to turn up in parades and festivals.

  63. 63.

    trollhattan

    @CaseyL:

    Thanks for the reminder! Was a kid when the ads ran and thought they were utterly brilliant. Naturally, there’s a YouTube channel.

    Things in the PNW could be a little off-kilter from the geographic and media isolation from the rest of the country. It created great things like this and SubPop records. And also Ted Bundy.

  64. 64.

    trollhattan

    @LuciaMia:

    Zactly. And don’t you wonder what kind of WAR!!!!!! the pastor is actually referencing? The virus or DFHs or Nancy Pelosi–it’s not clear to me.

  65. 65.

    SiubhanDuinne

    My contribution. Parody and tune should be obvious.

    Some infected evening,
    Do not kiss a stranger:
    There will be a danger
    In every crowded room.

    Don’t venture too close,
    Don’t kiss and don’t hug,
    And don’t touch your face, or
    You may catch the bug.

    Each infected evening,
    COVID-19 hovers —
    Dive beneath the covers
    (After you’ve washed your hands);

    Self-quarantine now:
    Stay home in your room,
    And only reach out through
    Skype, FaceTime, or ZOOM.

    Anthony Fauci wants you to be well:
    Cover your face, and stock up on Purell.

    All infected evenings
    Please to keep your distance —
    There is no resistance
    Within a six-foot range:

    Stay two yards apart,
    Don face mask and glove,
    And once this is over
    Embrace those you love.

    Once this has ended, on some future date —
    Once this has ended, we can celebrate.

  67. 67.

    CaseyL

    @trollhattan: I wish we still had that isolation.  I miss what Seattle used to be soooo much.  It does make me happy to see this crisis bring out the best in my city, but even that makes me long for the days before we got Discovered.

  73. 73.

    Betty Cracker

    Watching The Hunger Games. All of a sudden the screen says Standby for a message from Her Majesty The Queen. I thought it was part of the movie. But then THE Queen came on. I’ve never seen the movie, thought, Wow, what a cameo!It’s a CV message. Didn’t realize I‘m watching BBC.— Philippe Reines (@PhilippeReines) April 5, 2020

  75. 75.

    Elizabelle

    @Betty Cracker:   We live in surreal times.

    More foreboding, from the NY Times story (although BoJo will likely recover; we won’t be that lucky — and what’s up with that little squirt Nigel Farage):  the bombs are coming from inside the house.

    LONDON — Queen Elizabeth II rallied her fellow Britons on Sunday evening to confront the coronavirus pandemic in a rare televised address that was followed almost immediately by news that the nation’s most prominent victim of the virus, Prime Minister Boris Johnson, had been admitted to the hospital.

    The British government said Mr. Johnson would undergo tests after suffering symptoms for 10 days and would continue to carry out his duties.

    But the uncertainty surrounding his condition underscored the sense of crisis that led the queen to address the country in a rare televised address that evoked the darkest days of World War II.

    It was only the fourth time in her 66-year reign that the queen has addressed the British people, apart from her annual Christmas greeting — and it carried a distinct echo of the celebrated radio address her father, George VI, delivered in September 1939, as Britain stood on the brink of war with Germany.

    The queen’s speech, like the king’s eight decades ago, appealed to the quintessential British traits of stoicism and solidarity. It is meant to pull the country together to vanquish an enemy that brings death not in the terrifying bombing raids of the Blitz but in the ordinary encounters of people transmitting a dangerous pathogen.

  78. 78.

    NotMax

    @BillinGlendaleCA

    Horrible, terrible, not very good flight on Alaska Airlines a few years ago. Filthy plane. Most unprofessional, brusque and downright rude flight attendants and crew ever encountered.

    Vowed to never fly them again.

  79. 79.

    Redshift

    This seems to fit the category of silliness:

    I clicked through on the Post’s “Power Ranking” article for today (or yesterday, who can keep track?) I normally ignore it, because it’s nothing but a compilation of their pundits giving their opinions of who’s up and who’s down, and we all know the information content of a pundit’s opinion. But today’s was about Biden vs. Trump.

    I find it comforting that McMegan was the only one saying Trump. Even Hugh Hewitt would only go so far as calling it a tossup.

  80. 80.

    Baud

    @Elizabelle:

    The queen’s speech, like the king’s eight decades ago, appealed to the quintessential British traits of stoicism and solidarity.

    I’ll admit to being moved when she told her subjects to stop acting like pussies.

  82. 82.

    SiubhanDuinne

    @Elizabelle: I have a vague idea that Randy Rainbow may have already done something similar, and far better than anything I could come up with.

  89. 89.

    Miss Bianca

    @trollhattan: Shut off their damn utilities. Cut off their water. They’re right – this is a damn war.

    They just seem to be criminally unaware that they have declared themselves the enemy.

  91. 91.

    ziggy

    @Elizabelle: This seems like it could be a very bad sign. From what I have seen of middle-aged people who are ill for a long time, that doesn’t bode well. Probably getting some CT scans done?

  92. 92.

    trollhattan

    @Miss Bianca:

    Yep. Roseville or the county are going to need to squash this. IDK how or when*, but the rest of the city do not need a bunch of self-absorbed vectors running around, distributing The Lord’s Work in the form of a deadly disease.

    *But, make it before Easter.

  99. 99.

    trollhattan

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    Yes to both–I once loved flying Alaska.

    NB Be very careful with Alaska-Horizon flights. You can find yourself on a twin turboprop that turns your 60-minute flight into nearly two hours, then fetching your bag off a cart on the apron and dragging it a mile to the terminal.

  100. 100.

    NotMax

    @BillinGlendaleCA

    When the seat armrest and seatbelt buckle are cotton candy sticky and there are mysterious streaks on the inside of the windows in shades of burnt umber and ocher, those aren’t encouraging signs.

  101. 101.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    @dlwchico:

    Hee! Shades of another similar joke.

    Tickle Me Elmo dolls were being made, but something had bollixed up the production line. The issue was tracked to QC, where workers were furiously creating a cloth flap, and sticking in two marbles before sewing it shut.

    The troubleshooter (probably *not* the  boss :-)) figured it out.

    “When the Elmo doll comes off the line, *TEST* it by activating it, twice. That’s what the boss meant, when he said to give each one ‘two test tickles.'”

  107. 107.

    chris

    @Elizabelle: Leadership every day at 11AM EDT on CBC, CTV and Global.

    The Prime Minister leaned out his front door and sized up the bevy of reporters. “What, you want predictions?” he said around a mouthful of toothpaste.”How much longer?” “What’ll it cost?” “How many will-“”Nobody knows” he replied. “Now get the fuck off my lawn.” pic.twitter.com/WJjc63ci8G— John Roscoe (@JohnCRoscoe) 5 April 2020

  108. 108.

    Yutsano

    @Just One More Canuck: I haven’t been to Victoria in forever. I should rectify that when this is all over. Maybe for Canadian Thanksgiving since by a quirk of the federal holiday calendar I get that day off.

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