Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

Happy indictment week to all who celebrate!

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

The revolution will be supervised.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

T R E 4 5 O N

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Tick tock motherfuckers!

They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.

No Justins, No Peace

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

Everybody saw this coming.

You are here: Home / Healthcare / COVID-19 Coronavirus / Late Night Horrorshow Open Thread: The New! Improved! 21st Century Five O’Clock Follies

Late Night Horrorshow Open Thread: The New! Improved! 21st Century Five O’Clock Follies

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Lt. Governor of Texas: Come and take us, coronavirus!


He got an entry on Snopes.com, which I guess is its own kind of immortality…

Las Vegas mayor doubles down:

But Dear Leader…


Many times, good! A slogan for the modern GOP.

Reader Interactions

46Comments

  3. 3.

    Brachiator

    Texas Lt Gov Dan Patrick and other conservatives love to talk about risk as an ideological concept. A real he-man conservative is willing to take risks, certain that he will always prevail. But they are weak on reality and rarely know how to actually assess risk empirically.

    Las Vegas Mayor: ” I’d love everything open because I think we’ve had viruses for years that have been here.” (The financial duress is profound. It’s so real. And yet this interview is totally insane.)

    I have an idea for a movie. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Anyone who wants can live and work in Vegas. Then the city is locked down and no one is allowed to leave for six months. The mayor has to walk the floors of a different casino every evening. Food and supplies are dropped off. No extensive medical care is provided. A special team is sent in after six months and we will see how things look.

  5. 5.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    Lt. Governor of Texas: Come and take us, coronavirus!

    SARS-CoV-2: “Challenge accepted”

  6. 6.

    sdhays

    @Brachiator: No extensive medical care is provided.

    That’s the asterisk, isn’t it? Ok, Danny-boy and friends, you want to take all these big risks, we can’t stop you. But if you’re going to be reckless in a situation like this, you should have the decency to deal with the illness at home, and die there, if you contract it. Don’t overburden the medical system, and don’t force all the medical professionals risking their lives to risk their life for yours since you’ve made the determination that it’s worth sacrificing to Mammon. And don’t call if your family gets it bad too. You decided they were also worth the sacrifice.

    If you balk at that condition, then get some toilet paper, go home, and STFU.

  7. 7.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    @Major Major Major Major: 
    What’s the matter, don’t you think injecting people with bleach is evidence-based medicine? Why do you hate America, commie?

    But seriously, how the fuck do these people willingly work for this fuck? Even the fundies like Birx and Pence have to know that Trump is responsible for the deaths of thousands and that encouraging people to intravenously inject bleach into patients to fight COVID-19 is insane.

    I’ve always thought that if Trump ever caused WW3 and the missiles were flying, somebody in the bunker with him would kill him before the week was out

  9. 9.

    rk

    At work I heard that Trump was saying to inject disinfectant into the lungs and UV light under the skin to treat COVID. Just what hospitals need right now. To deal with morons who poison themselves with this treatment!

  14. 14.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    Times like this, I want to ask people like, say, Sen. Cruz, “do you realize other nations see our one-and-only foreign policy head, and laugh their fool head off if they don’t like us, and feel deep sympathy for us if they do? Do you realize, if he wins reelection, there will be *another* challenge, like this, and he’s just as likely to screw that up too? Do you really love the Republican Party so much that you’d serve it, even when it’s 100%, and objectively, clear that its Presidential candidate will damage the US?”

    Except, if they can’t speak up honestly now, asking them that would result in an answer that would disgust me, and fill me with complete contempt. (It’s a toss-up whether it would be worse to have someone say “yes, I get that, and I’ll still support him in the Presidential election” or “what? He seems perfectly sensible to me!” Both are maximally Just Plain Wrong. )

  16. 16.

    Krope, the Formerly Dope

    @Major Major Major Major: I don’t think there’s a single person in his inner circle who likes him and isn’t his child or son-in-law.

    Do we have any proof his children and son-in-law like him? Or are they just playing nice until the will is read?

  17. 17.

    artem1s

    There’s a joke here somewhere about Obama coming out and telling people that no, it’s not a good idea to drink Clorox but it’s too late because the MAGAs are all already dead from drinking the Clorox

  26. 26.

    Duane

    Comb-over failure on the left side of Trumpov’s head. Maybe the pressure is causing increased hair loss.

  29. 29.

    Amir Khalid

    @Emma:

    Yeah, that’s deeply mediocre violin playing. I’ve heard some amazing amateur players on YouTube, but he’s so not one of them. I think I remember Shapiro was at POLITICO. Is he still there?

    In other news, I tried to go to the bank today. Unfortunately Public Bank hadn’t updated their online presence to reflect their pandemic operating hours, so I arrived a few minutes after the new closing time. ? I shall have to go again on Monday.

  30. 30.

    Mnemosyne

    @sdhays:

    It’s kind of amazing to see how many Americans’ political beliefs are organized around howling You’re not the boss of me, Mommy!

  31. 31.

    Emma

    @Amir Khalid: I don’t know if he writes for anyone now, but he still spews his crap on every social media platform out there. Now including Youtube, I find.

    Bummer about having to go back to the bank. Surprised it’s not something you can do online, though, seems like I can do pretty much anything I want on banking apps nowadays.

  32. 32.

    prostratedragon

    @HumboldtBlue:
    Happy Birthday to John Oliver, too (April 23). And I see also Roy Orbison.

    A heavyweight jazz birthday month finishes its last week with a bang. April 24: Johnny Griffin, Joe Henderson, and closely related Barbara Streisand; April 25: Ella Fitzgerald and Albert King (and Al Pacino); April 28: Blossom Dearie and Willie Colon; April 29, Duke Ellington and Toots Thielemans (and Willie Nelson and Otis Rush). Earlier in the month were such as Alberta Hunter, Carmen McRae, Herbie Hancock, Charles Mingus, and a bunch of others. It’s fitting that April is jazz appreciation month.

  34. 34.

    Emma

    @Amir Khalid: lol, being a fellow laze-about, I feel that online banking allows me into indulge even more in my laziness. (I’m also wary of turning into my grandmother, who insists on talking to a bank-teller for every single little thing…)

  35. 35.

    TriassicSands

    I’m confused. Why hasn’t Texas Lieutenant Governor Patrick sacrificed himself yet? What’s he waiting for?

  39. 39.

    TriassicSands

    @Chetan Murthy:

    Gee, and here I thought he meant he’d be willing to sacrifice the elderly by letting everyone else die. After all, we need some heroic person to be left to make sure things go well* after the rest of us are gone.

    *That means continue to gut the social safety net, prevent minorities and poor people from voting, get more tax cuts for the wealthy, control women’s reproductive lives, etc. You know, make sure America continues to be great. Oh, and lavish praise on the Emperor.

  40. 40.

    bjacques

    @Amir Khalid: Ben Shapiro is 5’4” tall. Meanwhile, TPUSA’s Charlie Kirk has a head that continues to grow in size while his face remains the same size. There is heavy discussion ongoing in the scientific community as to what will happen when Kirk’s head reaches the Shapiro Radius.

     

    Also, a Blessed Ramadan to you!

  43. 43.

    JAFD

    @Amir Khalid: I’m perfectly happy to take cash from a machine, but if I’m giving money to the big financial corporation, I want actual person to hand me receipt ;-)

    PS – Have a blessed Ramadan

    PPS – Hope all you jackals stay healthy, happy, and hydrated !

  44. 44.

    SFAW

    @TriassicSands:

    I’m confused. Why hasn’t Texas Lieutenant Governor Patrick sacrificed himself yet? What’s he waiting for?

    I vaguely remember — and quite likely mis-remember — a scene from (I think) “I, Claudius,” where one of the Senate (or some other politician/hanger-on) tells Claudius that he told the gods he would sacrifice himself if it would save Claudius’s life (who I guess was extremely sick at the time). Claudius, now recovered, looks at him and says something like “OK, looks like it worked, go do your sacrifice-thingy.” [Not that Graves wrote “sacrifice-thingy,” of course.]
    All those “well-meaning” Rethug politicians should be asked to do the same.

  46. 46.

    Boris Rasputin (the evil twin)

    @SFAW: Caligula is the one you meant. Lovely scene, especially the look on the senator’s face.

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