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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Keep A Good Thought

Keep A Good Thought

by | 153 Comments

This post is in: 

It’s one of those moments. You know the ones. You’re going about your day and the phone rings. And then your entire life stops for a moment and then it all begins moving at warp speed.

That was my morning. Just finished getting everyone fed and watered when the phone rang and it was one of my brothers. I didn’t think much of it because we’d been talking about my driving out to help out with my mom, who is sick and pretty frail.

I answered cheerily and his first words were, “It’s not good, Tam.” My heart sank. I thought, it’s mom. Which would have been bad enough, but I was kind of prepared for that (as is mom, with a DNR and all her medical decisions made).

Then my world stopped for just a moment as he said, “It’s dad, he’s had a stroke.” I forget to breathe for a beat.

Next breath, my world went into hyperdrive. For my dad: Medevac to the ‘big city”, initial diagnosis, surgery and prognosis all while I contacted friends and petsitters to see who was available to take care of the ducks and check in on the cats. (Ducks, it’s always the ducks who are the issue, LOL).

Contacting clients, running unexpected errands, pulling together everything to drive 8 hours and be gone for I don’t know how long. Trying to remember to breathe.

I’m almost all packed, but my brain has kind of shutdown and I needed to take a break (so what do I do? I write about it to you. It’s somehow therapeutic).

Dad’s in ICU, everything looks good, considering how long he was down before anyone found him. Prognosis is cautiously optimistic.

This pandemic sucks in so many ways – least of which is having someone in the hospital and worrying they’ll contract it. And not being able to visit them when they need you most.

I just wanted to share, because sharing with you guys makes it easier somehow. Keep a good thought for my dad, for me and for the poor pups who will be stuck in the car with their very freaked out person for 8 hours tomorrow. Not quite sure how I’m going to do the drive because I still not anywhere near my normal level of endurance. And breathing was an issue before my world turned upside down.

Also FU pandemic for me not being able to accept all the offers to travel with me so I didn’t have to go alone.

That’s it. I’m going to go back to packing…

Consider this an open thread

 

Reader Interactions

153Comments

  4. 4.

    Rusty

    Sending prayers for your dad, your family and for the hospital staff looking after him.  These are hard moments but you have lots of people who care and are sending warm thoughts.

  5. 5.

    dmsilev

    Oh man. Sorry to hear that. Hope your dad recovers well and hope you manage to cope with the stress.

    Also, if you’re bringing the dogs with you, why not take the ducks as well…

  10. 10.

    PsiFighter37

    Hope everything goes well. I am flying to SoCal in a couple days and inflicting a self-quarantine for 2 weeks when I get back to NYC because it’s my grandmother’s birthday, and since she is under hospice care, it is likely the last one she has. These are abnormal times, but hopefully we can all spend them with the ones who have helped shape us.

  12. 12.

    Catherine D.

    So sorry! I had to do the whole packing up critter and hitting the road last September when my father was dying. At least we could get into the ICU then. Now is awful.

  13. 13.

    Bookeater (formerly JosieJ)

    Prayers going up and healing vibes going out! Take care of yourself, too.

  14. 14.

    Skepticat

    Been there, done that (though without the ducks or the freaking pandemic), and have an extra helping of empathy to add to my sympathy. This will not be easy, but you have all of us cheering for you and your parents. Stay strong.

  17. 17.

    zhena gogolia

    I’ll be thinking of you and your whole family, and praying if you want that.

  19. 19.

    dexwood

    You, your dad, your family, your critters all in my thoughts. Careful driving – pack a thermos, stay focused, get there. Been there, done that.

  24. 24.

    KayInMD (formerly Kay (not the front-pager))

    Best to you & your dad & your whole family. What a stressful time.

    Just a thought, since you’ve had the virus, would you not be safe to visit? I would think that since you’ve already had it so you wouldn’t be unintentionally carrying it into the hospital. If I recall correctly you had some antibody testing done. If I were you, I think I would bring the results of those tests with me just in case they might be needed as proof.

    Anyway, best of luck, be well, drive safe, and take care of your family.

  25. 25.

    Ohio Mom

    Yeah, I know those phone calls that divide your life into a before and an after. I will be sending you and your family good thoughts.

    I will add that eight hours is a long solo drive under good circumstances. If you feel you need stop partway (although finding lodging with the pups along might be a challenge), I hope you will do so.

    You need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of others. Everyone will understand if it takes you a little longer to get there.

  27. 27.

    smedley the uncertain

    Tamara, all my wishes for a positive outcome. And to you to be safe and take care.
    Scott

  28. 28.

    Odie Hugh Manatee

    Good thoughts being thunk here, best wishes to your father for a swift and good recovery! Take care of yourself and try not to stress out (too much).

  29. 29.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ll keep you and your father in my thoughts. Lots of strength to you and your family

  30. 30.

    debbie

    Thinking good thoughts for you and your family. I went through the same thing many, many years ago with my dad, and I know how hard it is not being there already. Drive safely.

  34. 34.

    SiubhanDuinne

    I’m not a praying kind of person, but such as they are, your dad has mine. Holding him and you and the rest of your family in my heart and thoughts. Be careful on the road. There’s a lot of healing white light heading your direction.

  35. 35.

    Bluegirlfromwyo

    This year just gets worse. Love to you and your dad. Stay safe on the road.

  38. 38.

    tom

    TaMara, thinking of you, your Dad, and those who love him.  We find unexpected strength when these things happen, you will too.

  39. 39.

    PsiFighter37

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: I remember when we all got together in Pasadena area at a brewpub for a BJ get-together. Wore an ‘I’m not drunk, I’m awesome’ t-shirt. Next day was one of the last times I visited her before her memory started to go.

    Before the shit hit the fan thanks to the indifference of Dear Leader, I was hoping to go out with my daughter (her great-granddaughter) to visit her again. I am now coming to accept that our visit in December last year may be the first and last time that four generations apart got to meet.

  41. 41.

    RSA

    Best wishes for your father, Tamara. I know good thoughts can only do so much, but still… Good luck.

  44. 44.

    Ohio Mom

    PsiFighter37: Ohio Dad did the quarantine thing when he got back from his business trip to Las Vegas.

    He had the master bed and bath, and I camped out in the guest room. On his occasional forays out of his compound, he wore a mask, as he did whenever I went back onto the bedroom to get yet another thing I had neglected to “pack.”

    The first six days were nerve-wracking but after that, as the days progressed without any symptoms, we all relaxed.

    You might be able to shave a few days off by getting a test after a week; I understand before that, you could get a false negative, but check with your doctor.

  46. 46.

    Elizabelle

    All the best to you, TaMara. Hoping your father will have a full recovery. It does take time.

    Was thinking of you about 2 hours ago. In the park, and along comes a very slim and small Great Dane, with Scout’s coloring, and a very white muzzle. She actually looked more like a very long-legged greyhound, but not the cutaway figure of a racer. (She was with her dad, who was on a bike.)

    Drive more carefully than usual. Lot of speed demons out there. COVID brings out the best in all of us, as you know.

  47. 47.

    CaseyL

    Thinking the very best of good thoughts and hopes that the cautiously optimistic prognosis bears out, and your Dad recovers.

    I also think you shouldn’t try the entire drive in one go, not when you haven’t regained all your energy levels.  If nothing else, maybe put in at a rest stop (you’ll have to anyway, for the Pups) and take a nap.

    Drive safe.  Stay well.  Check in regularly, m’kay?

  51. 51.

    Ohio Mom

    PsiFighter37: Ohio Dad did the quarantine thing when he got back from his business trip to Las Vegas.

    He had the master bed and bath, and I camped out in the guest room. On his occasional forays out of his compound, he wore a mask, as he did whenever I went back onto the bedroom to get yet another thing I had neglected to “pack.” I’m not sure what the mask wearing accomplished; probably more important was leaving windows open to get fresh air and a breeze going.

    The first six days were nerve-wracking but after that, as the days progressed without any symptoms, we all relaxed.

    You might be able to shave a few days off by getting a test after a week; I understand before that, you could get a false negative, but check with your doctor.

  52. 52.

    eclare

    Sending good thoughts to you and yours.  Like someone said, if the drive is too much for one day, stop and rest and get there safely.

  53. 53.

    geg6

    Oh TaMara, my most positive vibes going out to you, your dad, your mom and the pups.  Safe travels and if you have to stop to rest, do it.  Crashing from exhaustion won’t help anything.

  55. 55.

    PsiFighter37

    @Ohio Mom: NY is fairly strict about the rules, and because I’m a big-city American, I feel a duty to not potentially fuck over other people – so I will stay in my apartment for 2 weeks and work, deal with a hellacious infant who is probably teething, and try not to drink myself to a stupor.

    On the Zooms I have had with others, I feel like most people my age don’t realize that these are prime months / years of their lives that they will NEVER get back, thanks to Donnie’s indifference / incompetence. If we are fucked permanently because there is no vaccine, this country is screwed because of the IGMFY mentality. It’s depressing on a number of levels, and  I guess I should be thankful that my kid is not of elementary school age or older, where lockdowns would be really fucking meaningful development shit up.

  57. 57.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    Good thoughts for your dad.

    Advice I give to people in situations like this: too many people forget to care for themselves. They skip a meal, then another; they short themselves on sleep; they burn themselves out with stress and worries.

    Take care of *you*. Be kind and gentle to yourself. There is nothing, right now, where your stress or suffering will help anyone, but they *might* hurt you, or your ability to be there for those who need you.

    Plus, odds are, people need to spend their time on your dad, and not split their worries over you.

    Emotions can get very raw, and can be very reactive. You might be a patient driver, and yet now, you scream at the person who cut you off, etc.. It’s okay to have strong, and even inappropriate emotions. Think of them as being like the weather – sometimes nice, sometimes not, but not necessarily something you need to do something about, other than “live with it, and try not to let it ruin anything,” just like the weather.

    I hope that doesn’t sound like I think you *don’t* know that – but I’m often surprised by people who never learned that one *can* manage emotions, and ride them out; and even people who do know, and understand, that are sometimes blindsided by stress. Worse, some have my reaction: “Yeah, I’m emotional, but I know how to handle that.” (Note the lack of “…and I’m doing the things that help me handle that” in that sentence. “I know what to do, so I don’t have to actually do it” is a surprisingly easy fallacy to fall into  – for me, at least!

    Um. And, good luck, good thoughts, etc.. I talk when I care, which is why all the text is there above. It’s what I have to give.

  60. 60.

    Aleta

    All-positive thoughts for your dad and you and your family.  May you be wrapped in love and safety together, with lots of small moments of healing and rest.   My heart’s with you.  Safe travels to you and the wonderful dogs.

  61. 61.

    WaterGirl

    On TaMara, this would be hard under normal circumstances, but during a pandemic, yikes.  So sorry you have to go it alone.  Maybe some friends can keep you company in the car – by phone.  So glad you will have the dogs with you

    Good thoughts for you and your family.  Hang in there, you can do this.

  62. 62.

    PsiFighter37

    At least to brighten our moods – Jefferson Beauregard lost tonight. His congressional pension will make sure he lives comfortable enough, especially in Alabama. Lulz. F him.

  63. 63.

    feebog

    Good thoughts and wishes for you, your dad and your entire family. Safe travels and speedy return.

  65. 65.

    Dan B

    Let the dogs drive for a while if you’re too tired.

    Or you could just pose them at the wheel for the entertainment of us concerned jackals.

    Thinking good thoughts of your dad.  Sounds like he’s got his children on his heartstrings.

  67. 67.

    Patricia Kayden

    Tamara, I hope your Dad pulls through. Sending healing thoughts your way.

  73. 73.

    Ruckus

    Hoping for the best for all.

    Take your time and pay attention to your driving. This situation lends itself to not thinking about the task at hand.

  75. 75.

    Ohio Mom

    PsiFighter37: Ohio Dad hardly left the bedroom. I moved a table and chair in there before he got home, so he had a work space and a place to eat.

    We did go on a family Sunday drive after the first week, but since we live in the suburbs, he didn’t have to leave the premises to get into the car. And again, windows open.

    Babies are hard work, aren’t they?

  76. 76.

    Mel

    Let us know what we can do to help.

    I’m with CaseyL on the travel suggestion – if you need to rest, please do stop and rest. Your loved ones and everyone here all want you to get there safely.

    Holding you and your family in our thoughts, and sending you and the pups a big hug.

  79. 79.

    notoriousJRT

    All the good thoughts and positive vibes I can muster are heading your way.  Wishing for the best.

  82. 82.

    Elizabelle

    @PsiFighter37:   Good for you.  You will never forget that, and she will love seeing you and hearing all about young Violet and what is going on in your life.

  86. 86.

    Another Scott

    More good wishes for you, your crew, and your father.  Fingers crossed.

    Have a safe trip.

    Best wishes,
    Scott.

  87. 87.

    J R in WV

     

    Best of luck on the drive, be careful T.

    One of my Dad’s best friends had a terrible stroke just a few years ago. Her kids found a great place for her rehab, and she recovered very well, so treatment for stroke has improved a great deal in the recent past. Best wishes for you, your dad, and the dogs and ducks!!

    And do keep in touch!!

  88. 88.

    Nicole

    TaMara, I’m so sorry.  Will be thinking of you on your travels tomorrow.  Be safe, and I’m sending best wishes to your dad.

  89. 89.

    mvr

    My best wishes for you and your family. These parental medical events are hard since they all have some ups and some downs and the seesaw nature is very stressful even when it all goes well.  So let everyone’s good wishes help to the extent they can.

  91. 91.

    dnfree

    Thoughts have been with you through your own illness and recovery, and now with you and your parents and family. Take care of yourself as a priority too. Your parents would want you to.

  92. 92.

    Anne Laurie

    I’m keeping you & your crew & your dad in my prayers, TaMara.

    Random thought: Could one of your friends ‘caravan’ with you tomorrow? Drive their own car, but be within a cell call to tag-team at rest stops, help exercise the dogs, maybe even take one of them in their car for a break part of the way?

    It’s a big ask, but I know from your blog you have strong friends…

  96. 96.

    Emma from FL

    This damn year.

    Such blessings as I have received, I send to you and yours. Be careful and be safe.

  98. 98.

    O. Felix Culpa

    Holding you, your dad, your extended family, dogs and ducks in my thoughts. Take good care of yourself.

  101. 101.

    different-church-lady

    Wishing you and Dad the best of luck. Stay safe, stay strong, and lean on us whenever you need to.

  103. 103.

    laura

    Tamara – I’m wishing you comfort and strength. As others have more succinctly said – in an emergency, place the drop down oxygen mask on yourself first and then tend to others. Use extreme caution on the road, rest when it’s safe, bring extra food and water, stay in touch with your crew, and get where you need to be. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and spare a think for the duckies.

  104. 104.

    SectionH

    What horrible news, Tamara. Sending my best thoughts for you and your Dad.

    That’s an awfully long trip to endure on your own, esp. worrying the whole way. Take care, stay hydrated… and srsly, consider Anne Laurie‘s idea of at least having a support car with you if one of your friends is up for it.

  107. 107.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Best wishes to your dad and your whole family. Take care of yourself, too.

  109. 109.

    Kattails

    That is such rotten news, strokes are scary things at the best of times.  Please set yourself up very neatly in the car so everything is accessible, no distractions. My sister lived 6 hours away, just far enough to be a nuisance drive, it took me at least two rest stops even if they were just a few minutes to walk around and get my circulation going and my eyes and brain a rest.  Focus on the road, the other vehicles, where you are, just be in the moment as everyone else has said. So many peoples’ thoughts will  be with you. Take care. May it be the best possible outcome.

  110. 110.

    TaMara (HFG)

    Thank you all for your kindness.  I’m all packed and shutting everything down for the night.

    The dogs and I will take it easy – them coming with me serves several purposes (besides the fact, a Dane sitter on short notice is difficult) – but they need a break every two hours, so we get out and walk for 15-20 minutes in some very nice spots. Having them in the car kind of sets my mind to “take care” precious cargo aboard mode. And finally, Bixby is a great distraction for my mom.

    Will check in when I can….

  111. 111.

    Leto

    @TaMara (HFG): This post reminds me so much of how Avalune basically introduced herself to the blog. I’m so happy that your dad’s initial prognosis is optimistic. Sending nothing but posi thoughts/vibes towards your family. And if you need something, please let us know. /hugs

  115. 115.

    Eljai

    Sending love, light and healing thoughts to you and your dad. Think of me as a virtual traveling companion.

  116. 116.

    Lyrebird

    Best health and recovery to Tamara Dad!

     

    Safe safe travels to you!

     

    You bring us so much joy and relief with your little puppies (ha ha ha, little), please take solace in our comments and yes, go go go recovery for Dad!  They can do so much more now that they used to…

  117. 117.

    frosty

    @PsiFighter37: I feel like most people my age don’t realize that these are prime months / years of their lives that they will NEVER get back, thanks to Donnie’s indifference / incompetence.

    This is true for anyone of any age. A year lost in elementary school, a high school graduation ceremony that didn’t happen, a half-ass year of college, a lost prime working year, a fucked up retirement.

  118. 118.

    seefleur

    Late to comment, but I am so very sorry to hear this and I hope that all the good thoughts for your Dad from the Jackals help.  Definitely sending my best thoughts your way. Aging parents are quite the dilemma in a pandemic…

  120. 120.

    Tazj

    Good thoughts and positive vibes for your dad, mom and you. I hope you have a safe and uneventful drive with the pups.

  124. 124.

    cain

    Sending waves of good karma towards your Dad. I’m glad that it is optimistic…  Let’s hope he makes it to the finish line with none the wear! Be safe while driving and please let us know that you made it safely to your destination.

  125. 125.

    susanna

    Be safe and have a good drive.  I hope everything works out for you, your Dad and family.  Seeing you will be a boost for him.  Seeing him will comfort you.

  126. 126.

    Original Lee

    So sorry to hear about your dad. Been there, done that three times in five years for my mom. I hope that his recovery goes well.

    Yesterday seems to have a been a popular day for those kinds of phone calls. A friend called me up to tell me to screenshot / save / make copies of any messages I may have gotten from his ex in the past and any others for the foreseeable future. Oh and send them to his lawyer. Child Protective Services is investigating the ex after the school reported red flags in his kids’ behavior and grades.

    <Gulp>. Sure, dude, whatever you need, do you mind telling me if this is about custody?

    Two hours later, contact lawyer to hand over materials and also find out if we can apply to foster the kids, as the only other family is active duty military overseas.

  129. 129.

    holyrood

    longtime lurker, never commented but I am thinking of your father, you and your sweet ducks. May your dad heal quickly and completely and you return home soon to your feather and fur babies.

  131. 131.

    Debbie(Aussie)

    Tamara, you, your Dad and your family (animals also) Are in my thoughts. Safe journey. Deb

  132. 132.

    Mai naem mobile

    Thinking positive thoughts here Tamara. Stroke treatment has come a long way in the past decade or so. Look after yourself and your poor mom because you’re going to need all the endurance you can gather to deal with the rehab piece. Don’t be surprised if your dad gets depressed when he first gets out of the hospital.

  133. 133.

    Kathleen

    Holding you and your family in light and love. Please take good care of yourself and have a safe trip.

  140. 140.

    low-tech cyclist

    Prayers and good thoughts for your dad, TaMara.  And for strength for you and the rest of your family as you deal with this.

  141. 141.

    arrieve

    I didn’t read this last night, but I’m so sorry TaMara. I’m sending good thoughts for you, your Dad, and the rest of the family.

  145. 145.

    J.

    Dear TaMara, good luck to your dad and to you. Your critter posts are among my favorites — love all the duck stories and your pups. Hope you have a safe journey and that all will be well. xo

  146. 146.

    Ohio Mom

    Original Lee: Another example of life turning on a dime.

    Good for you for thinking of fostering, please make sure you will have a professional support system in place for those traumatized children.

    Helping them process and adjust will not be a job for amateurs, no matter how well-meaning, sincere and loving, as I am sure you are.

  147. 147.

    Miki

    Dear TaMara – Sending warm, positive thoughts to you and yours – furred and feathered as well as all hoomins.

  148. 148.

    No One You Know

    Grace and peace to you and the family this morning and every morning. Thinking of you as I breathe this morning.

  152. 152.

    Avalune

    Uggggg! I hope everything goes well. Hang in there.

    I hadn’t really thought much about how hard it would be to find a duck sitter. I’d totally sit some ducks but that isn’t much help to you at the moment.

    Like Leto, reading this definitely did hit me with a flashback moment because there were some similarities in the delivery. Oi oi oi. Have a safe journey and hope he recovers swiftly.

  153. 153.

    Ann Marie

    Just saw this and adding all my good thoughts to all the others already out there.

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