Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

Cole is on a roll !

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

If you are in line to indict donald trump, stay in line.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

“I never thought they’d lock HIM up,” sobbed a distraught member of the Lock Her Up Party.

I really should read my own blog.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

“In the future, this lab will be a museum. don’t touch it.”

You are here: Home / Politics / GOP Death Cult / Late Night Sad Trombone Open Thread: Jeff Sessions Has Lost His Runoff

Late Night Sad Trombone Open Thread: Jeff Sessions Has Lost His Runoff

by | 84 Comments

This post is in: , , , , ,

It was so good once, in the Olde Days, when their mutual deep, abiding hatred of non-white people was such a strong bond… The Washington Post, “Sessions loses runoff in Alabama as Trump helps vanquish a key supporter he came to despise”:

They stood center stage before a cheering crowd of thousands five years ago, shaking hands in a half embrace that seemed to cement a political and ideological bond that would serve as the foundation for Donald Trump’s presidency

“We have a man here who really helped me — and he was the one person I sought his counsel, because he’s been so spot on. He’s so highly respected. Has anybody ever heard of Senator Jeff Sessions? Huh? Jeff, come up, where’s Jeff? Get over here, Jeff,” the former reality TV show host said to a roaring ovation in August 2015.

“Donald, welcome to my hometown, Mobile, Alabama,” then-Sen. Sessions (R-Ala.) said, donning a white “Make America Great Again” cap. “The American people, these people, want somebody in the presidency who stands up for them, defends their interests and the laws and traditions of this country.”

That once remarkable bond came to a crashing end Tuesday night when the Associated Press declared that Tommy Tuberville had defeated Sessions in the runoff to be the Republican nominee in November’s Senate race against Sen. Doug Jones (D-Ala.). The result culminated four months of Trump imploring Alabama’s voters to reject Sessions, the man who the president once said he leaned on for advice in forming his “America First” agenda.

Running for his old Senate seat — which he abandoned in early 2017 to become Trump’s attorney general — Sessions endured one brutal insult after another from the president. Trump’s endorsement of Tuberville in the race has always seemed to have more to do with Trump’s anger at Sessions over his recusing himself from the Russia investigation while attorney general than with any particular support for the former Auburn University football coach.

“I will tell you, I got to know Jeff Sessions very well,” Trump told Tuberville supporters on a conference call Monday night, “I made a mistake when I put him in as the attorney general. He had his chance and he blew it. He recused himself right at the beginning, just about on Day One on a ridiculous scam, the Mueller scam, the Russia, Russia, Russia scam.”…

Tough noogies, Jeff Beau Three! In the Trump Crime Cartel, all loyalty runs in one direction.

Late Night Sad Repub Trombone Open Thread: Jeff Sessions Has Lost His Runoff

The Repub ‘winner’, Tommy Tuberville, is a former college football coach. That’s it, as far as political experience. Apparently he was a reasonably good college football coach, but that seems like slim training for a Senatorial seat, especially given all the interlocking current crises. On the other hand, while I am no sportsball expert, I have a feeling that any career involving college football is a target-rich market for oppo reseach, so go Dems!

Who knows — perhaps Mr. Sessions himself will have a change of heart, like so many other Repubs the Oval Office Occupant has stiffed over the past four years.

Especially given the caliber of the Democrat now running for re-election:

Reader Interactions

84Comments

  2. 2.

    Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant)

    Pasted in from Down Below in answer to a question: Does Jones have a chance?

    Alabamian here. Yes, he (Jones) does. He’s been low key and a solid Senator. The Evil Elf got smacked down ’cause the Kool-aid is strong with GrOPers, but Tubberville is no prize. Jones can win this, but it’s going to be a fight.

  5. 5.

    Soonergrunt

    Lay down with dogs, get up with fleas.

    Fuck Jeff Sessions, right in his venomous little Rejected Keebler Elf Model ear.

  6. 6.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    not really a surprise that Sara Gideon won handily in the ME Dem primary, I guess

    my question now is are those pledges I made to what I think we were calling the ABC Fund, anybody but Collins, get collected now. Not that I begrudge the money, just wondering if I should look for it on my credit card

  7. 7.

    Kelly

    A worldwide plague and a visible comet in the NE night sky seems like good time to start a profitable new religion

  8. 8.

    Llelldorin

    I think this is the point in the horror movie where Jeff Sessions is meant to shriek something like, “No! You are my creation! How DARE you betray me?!”

  9. 9.

    piratedan

    all the numbers I saw earlier were pointing to MJ Hegar winning the Dem nomination for the Senate race in Texas, maybe someone has something more concrete…

  10. 10.

    mrmoshpotato

    So sad for the Confederate elf! Oh wait. No, I’m not!

    Fuck ‘im.

    Jonesing for a Potatotown smackdown!

  11. 11.

    Geoduck

    I’m not up on sportsball in that area, but I understand that Tuberville was the coach for a hated rival, and not any college in Alabama, along with being something of a carpetbagger. Could actually make a difference, but I don’t really expect Jones to pull off another miracle.

  16. 16.

    Gvg

    @Geoduck: Auburn is in Alabama too. They are in state rivals. I sort of doubt it’s going to sway many people in that state but there are a lot of Auburn fans too. I don’t remember Tuberville as being nasty as a coach. Nor expressing any political views while coaching. It surprised me to hear his views.

  17. 17.

    Calouste

    Just another entry on the list of “everything the shitgibbon touches dies”: the political career of Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III. So sad.

  18. 18.

    Punchy

    @Geoduck: Former coach of Auburn, most certainly in Alabama.  Rival of Lou Saban’s Crimson Turd.  These GOPers sure lurve themselves some political noobs.

  19. 19.

    mrmoshpotato

    @Geoduck: Wikipedia, ya see!  (Also, busting out of here, ya see!)

    Tuberville was the head football coach at the University of Mississippi from 1995 to 1998, Auburn University from 1999 to 2008, Texas Tech University from 2010 to 2012, and the University of Cincinnati from 2013 to 2016.

  20. 20.

    CaseyL

    Evil Elf can comfort himself with the thought of how many people’s lives he ruined when (among many, many other things) he ended the consent decrees that kept some police forces in check.

  22. 22.

    Anne Laurie

    @dmsilev: Stealing this, thank you, for a ‘respite’ thread to be announced later.

    My personal fave is ‘Winsome Light’ — you can tell she’s serious, cuz she uses plain circles instead of hearts over the ‘I’…

  23. 23.

    JoyceH

    @Ben Cisco (onboard the Defiant):  ” Does Jones have a chance?

    Alabamian here. Yes, he (Jones) does. He’s been low key and a solid Senator. The Evil Elf got smacked down ’cause the Kool-aid is strong with GrOPers, but Tubberville is no prize. Jones can win this, but it’s going to be a fight.”

    Care to elaborate on ‘no prize’? My initial (perhaps bigoted) reaction, was ‘college football coach, deep south, slam dunk.’ Sessions referred to Tuberville as ‘scandal-ridden’. Was he exaggerating, or is there something there?

  25. 25.

    Leto

    @JoyceH: per a comment from the evil elf tweet, Tubberville was involved in some investment scandals. I seem to remember something about that back in the way back, but honestly don’t remember any details. Also I doubt the MAGATs will really care.

    @Soonergrunt: good to see around. Hope you and the family have been well.

  28. 28.

    hitchhiker

    Why did Sessions cozy up to trump in the summer of 2015, before he was the nominee?

    Because he wanted to end immigration. Stephen Miller, Ghoul, was Sessions’ Communications Director. Before that Miller worked for Madam Crazy Eyes, Michelle Bachman as Press Secretary.

    The determination to punish brown people and use them to rile up bigots is what ties Miller, Sessions, and trump into a tight little bundle of weird.

    And now we have Mexico forbidding Americans to enter their country because trump has been unable to focus on the pandemic, or anything, really, that isn’t about his “deals.”

    No, Jeff. I don’t feel sorry for you at all. I hope you spend the rest of your miserable days watching Democrats celebrate and welcome people who are 1000 times better than you and always were.

  29. 29.

    frosty

    AL, you are the Energizer Bunny of posts. Thanks for everything; I assume you’re working on a COVID post now too.

  30. 30.

    Jinchi

    @JoyceH: Sessions referred to Tuberville as ‘scandal-ridden’. Was he exaggerating, or is there something there?

    I’m not from Alabama, but a lot of the talk of the Tuberville scandal was being done on sites like Breitbart, which makes me think it was mostly being pushed by allies of Sessions and will disappear now that he’s the Republican nominee. USA Today mentioned a fraud lawsuit, but nothing he was convicted of.

    Cincinnati football coach Tommy Tuberville has settled a lawsuit filed by investors seeking to recover money lost in business deals.

  32. 32.

    West of the Rockies

    Is it just me, or are some names just annoying?  Tommy is a silly diminutive for a potential senator.  Tommy Tuberville… Annoying.

    But Jefferson Beauregard Sessions just sounds (and is) racist as hell.

  34. 34.

    Aleta

    The new instructions were posted recently in a little-noticed document on the Department of Health and Human Services website. From now on, the department — not the C.D.C. — will collect daily reports about the patients that each hospital is treating, the number of available beds and ventilators, and other information vital to tracking the pandemic.

    Officials say the change will streamline data gathering and assist the White House coronavirus task force in allocating scarce supplies like personal protective gear and remdesivir, the first drug shown to be effective against the virus. But the Health and Human Services database that will receive new information is not open to the public, which could affect the work of scores of researchers, modelers and health officials who rely on C.D.C. data to make projections and crucial decisions.

    News of the change came as a shock at the C.D.C., according to two officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the matter. Michael R. Caputo, a Health and Human Services spokesman, called the C.D.C.’s system inadequate and said the two systems would be linked. The C.D.C. would continue to make data public, he said.
    https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/14/us/politics/trump-cdc-coronavirus.html?

    99.9% chance of  significant errors, manipulation, astounding incompetence, and many lives needlessly harmed.

  35. 35.

    Calouste

    @JoyceH: 
    I just assume that for any university sports program that hasn’t had a scandal yet, the reason is it hasn’t come out yet. Jones’s team better start doing some oppo research on assistant coaches, doctors, etc on the four programs that Tuberville has worked on. You never know what will turn up.

  36. 36.

    James E Powell

    @Geoduck:

    He was head coach at Auburn, among other places, and which is in Alabama. Auburn/Alabama – the Iron Bowl – is one of the more intense college football rivalries, like OSU/Michigan, Texas/Oklahoma, or Florida/Georgia.

    I do not think the fact that he whupped the Crimson Tide six straight will cause the hard rock racist voters of Alabama to vote for Jones.

  38. 38.

    James E Powell

    @JoyceH:

    From wikipedia, which is never wrong:

    During the 1999 off-season, wide receiver Clifton Robinson was arrested and charged with second-degree rape of a 15-year-old girl. After Robinson pleaded down to a misdemeanor, Tuberville chose to limit his punishment to a one-game suspension

    And

    In 2010, Tuberville was a co-defendant with John David Stroud in a lawsuit brought against TS Capital LLC, which the two had founded. The lawsuit was filed by investors and alleged that Tuberville and Stroud co-managed a hedge fund that defrauded investors of $1.7 million. In October 2011, the Business Conduct Committee of the National Futures Association, a self-regulating industry organization, took “emergency enforcement action” to permanently bar the firm from soliciting, accepting, transferring or disbursing any funds from investors. Stroud was found guilty in August 2013 of securities fraud and was ordered to pay $2.1 million in restitution and serve 10 years in jail. The case against Tuberville was settled on October 10, 2013, but terms were not disclosed

  40. 40.

    James E Powell

    @Gvg:

    I don’t remember Tuberville as being nasty as a coach. Nor expressing any political views while coaching. It surprised me to hear his views.

    He took a stand against the treason flag at Ole Miss. It was hurting his recruiting.

  41. 41.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

    I’ve wondered about the tiny terror’s resemblance to this Walker Evans photo, which I saw at SFMoMa a couple of years ago. I’m hoping this will be the last time I ever have to think about the fucker.

  42. 42.

    SectionH

    @dmsilev:  OMG, I needed that!. I’ve got to go with Bayeux Moderne, but they’re all really funny.
    — retired calligrapher (no, really – part-time anyway)

  49. 49.

    West of the Rockies

    @eclare:

    Yeah, maybe if he’d said USC vs. Notre Dame (non-conference, but the rivalry includes one PAC team anyway), there could be some some argument.

    I’m from Cal, but no way even Berkeley/Stanford generates the heated hate of Michigan vs (The) OSU.

  51. 51.

    Kent

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: Um….  I grew up a Pac-10 fan in Eugene and and probably went to at least half the UO home games from about 1970 until early 80s as my dad and his buddies had season tickets.  I ended up attending the UW and watched a bunch more up there and still catch 2-3 games/year in person.

    But I also spent a decade living in the south and SEC football is a whole different level of absolute crazy.  States like Alabama have absolutely nothing else to do compared to the west coast (no interesting cities, no mountains for skiing etc. crappy coastline. So basically the whole state just obsesses football 365 days a year.

    I don’t know how that helps Tuberville though.  He hasn’t been a coach there for some time.

  57. 57.

    Kent

    @gwangung:@West of the Rockies: Yeah, Stanford/Cal doesn’t even come close to ASU/UA, let alone UCLA/University of Second Choice or UM/OSU.

    And while the Apple Cup (UW/WSU) and Civil War (UO/OSU) are pretty big games, the biggest Northwest rivalry is probably UW/UO.  Those two schools and their fans truly hate each other and have for decades.

    But even those aren’t really huge games like the Red River Rivalry (OU/UT) that is held every year during the peak of the Texas State Fair.

  59. 59.

    Kent

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:@Kent: You’ve never spent much time in LA.  UCLA and U$C are about 10 miles from each other and the rivalry isn’t just limited to football.

    When was the last time they even sold out?

  61. 61.

    piratedan

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: rivalries being what they are, sometimes those waters run deep.  I’m not going to get into too much of a pissing match here because depending upon where you grew up and what sports you followed, the rivalry thing can vary from sport to sport…say Bama/Auburn in football and Duke/Carolina in college hoops and these things extend even to smaller sports like lacrosse and wrestling.  All I do know is that sometimes there’s a history involved that ratchets the antipathy level a few degrees and unless you’re acquainted with the particulars, it can seem melodramatic and get outta hand…

    One rivalry story from PAC 12 country that I can share… Arizona/Arizona State…  ASU has the reputation of being the bigger “sports” school so there’s an inferiority complex built into the Arizona lens, but something that goes back 30+ years ago that still causes nervous tics in Tucson, concerns college hoops and one of Lute Olson’s first squads (think it was 1988) where a few years after Steve Kerr’s father was assassinated in Lebanon (where he was the head of a Western University) the ASU fans taunted from the stands chanting “where’s your daddy” and “PLO” during the pregame warmups.  Naturally ASU disavowed that and actually apologized in a formal letter to Kerr and the University of Arizona.  To say that there is still lingering bad blood is an understatement, at least from the University of Arizona side.

    I bring that up to illustrate that sometimes these events aren’t easily forgiven and given the nature of folks holding grudges who knows how these kinds of emotions get unpackaged.  Considering the never ending idiocy of the issues that motivate voters, I am reluctant to write off Tuberville coaching at Auburn as not having any impact :-)

  64. 64.

    prostratedragon

    @piratedan:  I remember them taunting Steve Kerr like that, it’s how I first noticed him. He just calmly went about his game.

    I wasn’t a kid, but still it was hard for me to believe my ears at first, that they would do that over a ball game. Wouldn’t be unbelievable now.

  65. 65.

    James E Powell

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    Yes, I am old enough to remember when PAC-8/10/12 football was intense. Hasn’t been much to talk about since Pete Carroll went back to the NFL.

  66. 66.

    James E Powell

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    UCLA and U$C are about 10 miles from each other and the rivalry isn’t just limited to football.

    In the Los Angeles legal community, every year, large sums change hands.

  68. 68.

    Ladyraxterinok

    @Kent:

    In the 50s the game between OU and Notre Dame was THE GAME. It was said there was more praying going on in the state on that Saturday than during all the rest of the year—Southern Baptists and Catholics totally focused on one time and one place.

    Growing up with that and the OU-Texas rivalry, I had a really difficult time in the 60s trying to figure out what made people think the Stanford-Berkeley game meant anything

  69. 69.

    Marcopolo

    Late to this thread but this is the perfect place for this: an in depth listing of how truly vile Jeff Sessions actually is:

    I’m going to share some thoughts on Jeff Sessions now. I pretty rarely make comments about people’s faults on nights they lose elections.I think it is imperative people know and never, ever forget the horrible things this man and his minions have done.— Todd Schulte (@TheToddSchulte) July 15, 2020

    Anne if you see this you might want to add a link to this tweet thread up top

    Happy for Sarah Gideon & MJ Hegar.  Very excited for Candace Valenzela in TX-24.  What a life story!  If she wins, first Afro-Latina in Congress.

    And good night everyone.

  70. 70.

    ballerat

    Sessions wore for Trump the equivalent of two wetsuits and a dildo and he still died.

  74. 74.

    mrmoshpotato

    I dare you to tell me this isn’t good advice even in calm, sane times!

    If you have a butt to hold onto, hold onto it. I believe the next six months will be an extremely wild ride in America. If you do not have a butt to hold onto, borrow a friend’s.— Xeni Jardin (@xeni) July 14, 2020

  75. 75.

    David ? ☘The Establishment☘? Koch

    Everything Dump touches dies.

     

    Sadly, this was a big setback for Kate McKinnon and possums.

  77. 77.

    low-tech cyclist

    Can’t wait to see Sessions’ face after the leopards have finished with it.

  82. 82.

    Zinsky

    The Keebler cookie elf, Sessions, is a truly pathetic and tragic character – kicked to the curb and publicly shamed by his sociopathic former boss, he loses a statewide election to a boneheaded football coach after stepping off a national stage…

  83. 83.

    Ken

    I’m disappointed with all the comments counting Sessions out. I’d rather see him run as an independent.

  84. 84.

    fancycwabs

    If Sessions were a smart man, he’d flip and endorse Jones and Biden, seeing as he has no future in the GOP.

    But if Sessions were a smart man he’d have never hitched up with Trump in the first place.

Comments are closed.