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Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Prediction: the GOP will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

“And when the Committee says to “report your income,” that could mean anything!

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

We still have time to mess this up!

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

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Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

This fight is for everything.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

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You are here: Home / Politics / Republican Venality / 2020 Republican Platform Now Officially Cleek’s Law

2020 Republican Platform Now Officially Cleek’s Law

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Cleek is a visionary:

i can do it in one word: ~liberal

or, for those of you who don’t grok the boolean: today’s conservatism is the opposite of what liberals want today: updated daily.

or: cowardly authoritarians pretending to be individualists.

or: the cynical leading the stupid.

or: I Got Mine

or: who said we weren’t tolerant? we tolerate racists just fine!

The RNC has released their 2020 platform, and boy howdy is it a doozy:

RESOLUTION REGARDING THE REPUBLICAN PARTY PLATFORM

WHEREAS, The Republican National Committee (RNC) has significantly scaled back the size and scope of the 2020 Republican National Convention in Charlotte due to strict restrictions on gatherings and meetings, and out of concern for the safety of convention attendees and our hosts;

WHEREAS, The RNC has unanimously voted to forego the Convention Committee on Platform, in appreciation of the fact that it did not want a small contingent of delegates formulating a new platform without the breadth of perspectives within the ever-growing Republican movement;

WHEREAS, All platforms are snapshots of the historical contexts in which they are born, and parties abide by their policy priorities, rather than their political rhetoric;

WHEREAS, The RNC, had the Platform Committee been able to convene in 2020, would have undoubtedly unanimously agreed to reassert the Party’s strong support for President Donald Trump and his Administration;

WHEREAS, The media has outrageously misrepresented the implications of the RNC not adopting a new platform in 2020 and continues to engage in misleading advocacy for the failed policies of the Obama-Biden Administration, rather than providing the public with unbiased reporting of facts; and

WHEREAS, The RNC enthusiastically supports President Trump and continues to reject the policy positions of the Obama-Biden Administration, as well as those espoused by the Democratic National Committee today; therefore, be it

RESOLVED, That the Republican Party has and will continue to enthusiastically support the President’s America-first agenda;

RESOVLVED, That the 2020 Republican National Convention will adjourn without adopting a new platform until the 2024 Republican National Convention;

RESOLVED, That the 2020 Republican National Convention calls on the media to engage in accurate and unbiased reporting, especially as it relates to the strong support of the RNC for President Trump and his Administration; and

RESOLVED, That any motion to amend the 2016 Platform or to adopt a new platform, including any motion to suspend the procedures that will allow doing so, will be ruled out of order.

Also, all the speakers are either Trumps or married to Trumps. Interestingly enough, Tiffany is scheduled to speak, so apparently she is back in the will.

Reader Interactions

85Comments

  1. 1.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    Saw a great tweet about Tiffany. (I don’t think it was here.) She’s like a person getting out of a lifeboat to get back on the Titanic.

  2. 2.

    Betty Cracker

    And yes, they really did spell “resolved” incorrectly in the 3rd paragraph from the bottom. The Trump crew’s incompetence is fractal, killing tens of thousands of Americans on one level while not being able to spellcheck a press release on another.

  8. 8.

    dmsilev

    Cleek’s law is truth. Remember how we used to joke that Obama should go on TV and warn people _against_ drinking bleach? Well…

  10. 10.

    Jeffro

    @Baud: oh come on, they’re voting FOR that 50-bullet-point list they put out this morning.

    After all, one of those bullet points is “return to normal”. What could be easier??

  11. 11.

    Baud

    RESOLVED, That any motion to amend the 2016 Platform or to adopt a new platform, including any motion to suspend the procedures that will allow doing so, will be ruled out of order.

    This whole convention is out of order!

  13. 13.

    germy

    Still can't believe a major political party punted on the incredibly basic task of drawing up a party platform and instead just issued a statement that's basically an "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt.

    — Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) August 24, 2020

  14. 14.

    germy

    Governance is not the goal. You don't need a platform when the objective is the dismantling of federal departments.

    — Walter D. Greason (@WorldProfessor) August 24, 2020

  15. 15.

    different-church-lady

    The Obama-Biden administration? The one that had better favorability rating than Trump has ever had? That’s what you’re choosing to hilight?

  16. 16.

    The Moar You Know

    Whereas:   The airing of the grievances shall continue, forever and ever, without end.  Amen.

  18. 18.

    blacque_jacques

    That one word could also be !=Liberal I guess.

    Living in a foreign-speaking land several hours in the future, I couldn’t watch the DNC live, so I watched it the next day on YouTube and even replayed Biden’s acceptance speech, because I knew watching it would give me the feels. I’m not doing anything like that for Hate Week, to be as bummed as I was inspired.

     

    By the way, a British friend coined or passed along a new term: QAnkers. What took so long?

  22. 22.

    germy

    Every GOP ad I’ve seen for months is a bunch of video clips of things that are happening during Trump’s presidency paired with a warning that if we let the Democrats win that stuff will happen.

    — Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) August 24, 2020

  23. 23.

    germy

    Makes it hard for down ballot candidates to run on their own when the party has no platform besides “whatever the president says.”I assume Dem ads tying candidates to the president are in production. Feels like the RNC went all in on an election referendum on the president. https://t.co/yhFvbYWnJV— Chris Freeman (@toooldtobehook) August 24, 2020

    This is a good point! Our local Republican politicians have been trying for years to put distance between themselves and Trump. There is nothing else to the party now. https://t.co/qabc7d2ZIY— Mollie W. O'Reilly (@MollieOReilly) August 24, 2020

  30. 30.

    Brachiator

    RESOLVED, That the Republican Party has and will continue to enthusiastically support the President’s America-first agenda

    I usually hate spoilers. But no surprises here.

    So, hours and hours of “Sir, you’re so great. Give us some more!”

    The GOP has totally tied itself to Trump. He goes down, they go down with him. There will not be any change or re-assessment after the election.

    Some suckers never learn.

  31. 31.

    Roger Moore

    @Jeffro:

    After all, one of those bullet points is “return to normal”. What could be easier??

    You just have to pull the lever for Biden.  That’s the first step on the road back to normality.

  33. 33.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    There isn’t anyone left in that party who remembers what a policy is anymore, is there?

    But they’re covered by a press who has been normalizing Republicans for so long, they don’t remember either. Otherwise, how do they keep managing to listen to Democratic policy speeches and whine about how there’s no policy statements?

  34. 34.

    Cameron

    So by sticking with the 2016 platform, they’re admitting that they didn’t achieve anything that was listed in it?

  35. 35.

    A Ghost to Most

    I predict a zoom tiki torch parade in honor of the party, with a commensurate rise in house fires in fascist precincts.

  36. 36.

    Constance Reader

    More like Tiffany was reminded that she can still be thrown out of the will.  Assuming there’s anything left to bequeath once Trump kicks off.

  38. 38.

    laura

    They could have saved time, space and spell checking by just stating the obvious – that the platform has been reduced to it’s natural essence “Clap Louder.”

    So I expect night 1 of the circle of jerks will have a few “technical difficulties” to increase the klusterfail of nights 2 through 4 as last minute attempts to plan for a large event (aka doing the Jared) by incompetent people fails in real time. It may be tough to both sides this spectacular trumpian reichs parteitagsgelande, but I’m sure that the FTFNYT will give it a go.

  39. 39.

    Jeffro

    @Roger Moore: It’s like they saw the explanation for the phrase ‘underpants gnomes’ and thought ‘fuck yeah we’re gonna steal us some underpants and profit!!1!  That TOTALLY works!!!!’

    Everything they do is an excuse to be lazy, no matter what the cost.

  43. 43.

    Jinchi

    apparently she is back in the will.

    I think it’s funny that you believe Trump has a will at all. Or money to leave behind.

  45. 45.

    trnc

    The thing that surprises me the most for their now professed love of safety in a covid world is that I thought getting rid of previous but potentially future republican prez candidates would have been one of the party’s goals for an authoritarian DT.

  46. 46.

    Jinchi

    @laura: They could have saved time, space and spell checking by just stating the obvious

    Yes but they had a committee being paid by the word.

  48. 48.

    trnc

    @Baud: Apparently, Republican voters don’t need something to vote for.

    Like everything with them, they’re voting to own the libs.

  50. 50.

    trnc

    @MattF: Looks like they beat me to it.

    “Owning the libs and pissing off the media,” shrugs Brendan Buck, a longtime senior congressional aide and imperturbable party veteran if ever there was one. “That’s what we believe in now. There’s really not much more to it.”

  52. 52.

    sdhays

    @Constance Reader: Assuming there’s anything left to bequeath once Trump kicks off.

    I hope that this is ultimately what happens. All of these people have debased themselves for the will, and when they get to it, there’s nothing there.

  53. 53.

    Jinchi

    @Betty Cracker: And yes, they really did spell “resolved” incorrectly in the 3rd paragraph from the bottom.

    RESOLVED, That the Republican Party has and will continue to enthusiastically support the President’s America-first agenda;

    RESOVLVED, That the 2020 Republican National Convention will adjourn without adopting a new platform until the 2024 Republican National Convention;

    Looks like it was a last minute addition after Steve Miller handed them a manifesto on the things they were enthusiastically supporting.

  57. 57.

    Bruce K

    @trnc: Owning people is a very ante-bellum racist-Southern-aristocrat attitude, when you think about it, which makes it perfect for the 21st-century GOP and utterly incompatible with what 21st-century America is supposed to be.

  59. 59.

    Jeffro

    @Geoduck: Nickel bet he won’t  ;)

    • he’ll be another four years older
    • his dementia will be that much worse
    • his crimes will have been prosecuted or in the process of being prosecuted (at the state level,  at least)
    • there will be plenty of trumpian alternatives with less baggage
    • it’ll be more than clear, well before 2024, that trumpov was the primary reason the US’s coronavirus response sucked so badly
  60. 60.

    Aleta

    RESOLVED, that “Don’t Ask Questions” is a Commandment for which failure be obey shall be traitorous.

    RESOLVED, that these resolutions shall be included in the criteria for the Loyalty Boards as described by the forthcoming Federal Loyalty Program.

  61. 61.

    TS (the original)

    @Jeffro:

    it’ll be more than clear, well before 2024, that trumpov was the primary reason the US’s coronavirus response sucked so badly

    Worldwide it seems to be 100% clear now – other than for the deplorables/trump sycophants.

  62. 62.

    Formerly disgruntled in Oregon

    @Baud:

    Apparently, Republican voters don’t need something to vote for.

    That’s when a cult of personality comes in handy.

    If you believe, like I do, that the Republican Party has not had an affirmative platform that they didn’t have to coat with a facade of bullshit, occasionally punctured by dog whistles revealing a dark ugliness, then this can be seen as a natural progression.

    The Republicans have been pushing a platform of hatred, exploitation, and callow greed since Nixon and Reagan. We’re not supposed to say that out loud. They certainly didn’t.

    Republicans in 2020 are laughable now that Trump tore down the facade and put up a tacky gold TRUMP sign in its place. No more facade, much harder to appear respectable. Even harder with Trump family members speaking nearly every night of the convention…

  63. 63.

    Formerly disgruntled in Oregon

    @Formerly disgruntled in Oregon:

    From Politico today (Google it)

    Frank Luntz (one of the key architects of the “GOP facade of bullshit”), when asked what Republicans stand for in 2020:

    “You know I don’t have a history of dodging questions. But I don’t know how to answer that. There is no consistent philosophy,” Luntz responded. “You can’t say it’s about making America great again at a time of Covid and economic distress and social unrest. It’s just not credible.”

    Luntz thought for a moment. “I think it’s about promoting—” he stopped suddenly. “But I can’t, I don’t—” he took a pause. “That’s the best I can do.”

    When I pressed, Luntz sounded as exasperated as the student whose question I was relaying. “Look, I’m the one guy who’s going to give you a straight answer. I don’t give a shit—I had a stroke in January, so there’s nothing anyone can do to me to make my life suck,” he said. “I’ve tried to give you an answer and I can’t do it. You can ask it any different way. But I don’t know the answer. For the first time in my life, I don’t know the answer.”

    [Nelson laugh]

    Hah hah

  66. 66.

    JaySinWA

    @Brachiator:The GOP has totally tied itself to Trump. He goes down, they go down with him. There will not be any change or re-assessment after the election.

    Where they go one they go all.

  67. 67.

    SFAW

    Cleek is a visionary:

    No disrespect to Cleek, but Zifnab25 should get some credit, too. He/she said essentially the same thing, earlier in that thread. Although “Zifnab25’s Law” doesn’t have quite the same flow.

  69. 69.

    The Moar You Know

    @JaySinWA: I see what you did there.

    whether it’s with the GOP or his own party is the question.

    @Calouste: No difference anymore.  If Trump wins this cycle you’ll see Mittens register and caucus as a Dem before 2021 is out.  Because it really is Trump’s party at this point.

  71. 71.

    ...now I try to be amused

    @Formerly disgruntled in Oregon:

    That’s when a cult of personality comes in handy.

    If you believe, like I do, that the Republican Party has not had an affirmative platform that they didn’t have to coat with a facade of bullshit, occasionally punctured by dog whistles revealing a dark ugliness, then this can be seen as a natural progression.

    I agree. A cult of personality is a consequence of institutional failure. Functional governments have boring presidents and prime ministers. Healthy institutions don’t need charismatic leaders to hold them together.

  73. 73.

    SFAW

    @PaulWartenberg:

    if he loses, he’s facing jail time in the state of New York at the LEAST.

    I think that should probably be included in the Demon-craps platform somewhere. If not, “then there’s no difference between the two parties,” “give me a good reason to vote for Gore  Hitlary  Biden”, etc., etc.

  75. 75.

    Geoduck

    @PaulWartenberg: Eh. He might get voted out of office, but I’ll believe he’s going to jail when I see it. He’ll just drag it all out legally until he’s declared medically incompetent to stand trial.

  77. 77.

    Ruckus

    @germy: 

    This is a good point! Our local Republican politicians have been trying for years to put distance between themselves and Trump. There is nothing else to the party now.

    There really has been nothing more to the party for the last 50+ yrs. They just have the “leader” they always wanted, the openly proud racist ass who thinks that money is the one and true god, to be worshiped and given willfully or not to the leaders of the gang.

  80. 80.

    Suzanne

    I know that we’re not supposed to openly express contempt for Our Fellow Americans because Liberal Coastal Elitists or something….. but can I please note, here among like minds, how much loathing I have for the morons that wrote this malarkey, as well as all the True Believers who see this and are like, “Well, yeah, OWN THE LIBZ!”?

    “America FUCK YEAH” was supposed to be a JOKE.

  81. 81.

    J R in WV

    @Geoduck: 

    August 24, 2020 at 12:03 pm

    @PaulWartenberg: Eh. He might get voted out of office, but I’ll believe he’s going to jail when I see it. He’ll just drag it all out legally until he’s declared medically incompetent to stand trial.

    I’m afraid this is increasingly obvious. He’s already past being competent to stand trial. He obviously does not know the difference between good and evil, does not understand that he is committing crimes on a daily basis.

    Now his minions, on the other hand, can only mumble “Following orders, don’t you understand!” on their way to their new permanent residence in that pretty prison on the high desert of Colorado.

  82. 82.

    clay

    @SFAW: Nothing nefarious. It’s just that history often attributes things to the person who makes them famous, not the person who first came up with them.

  84. 84.

    KenK

    Tiffany is scheduled to speak, so apparently she is back in the will.

    She’s being hauled into public eye to show how normal and inclusive their family is.

Comments are closed.