Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Despite his magical powers, I don’t think Trump is thinking this through, to be honest.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

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Reader Interactions

570Comments

  7. 7.

    dmsilev

    Re: the sidebar links, Wonkette has said that they’re not going to liveblog the RNC because, more or less, they value their sanity. So, might want to delete that placeholder.

  14. 14.

    Alison Rose

    I’m so bummed, I really wanted to watch it, but I have to spend the next three hours dipping rusty needles in sriracha and stabbing my eyeballs with them.

    Wait no, that’s what I would want to do if I watched this debacle.

    Which fuck to the no am I going to do.

  19. 19.

    Formerly disgruntled in Oregon

    But if none of us are watching, who will tell us what’s going on so we can collectively gag, mock, and repudiate it?

  22. 22.

    Ken

    Is tonight a rerun?  We already had all those old white men standing in front of an RNC backdrop, then Trump ranted for over an hour.

  24. 24.

    Yutsano

    @MomSense: Mmm ramps. We don’t really get those on the Left Coast. I’ve always wanted to try them.

    Oh wait you mean like ramps for going up and coming down. Oh. Carry on then.

  26. 26.

    dmsilev

    Not going to watch. I’m sure when/if something hilariously stupid happens, someone will put up the clip, but in the mean time, I’d rather not expose myself to a Lovecraftian loss-of-sanity event.

    (also, Lovecraft would totally approve of the GOP’s racial attitudes.)

  29. 29.

    Eljai

    So far you’ve missed Charlie Kirk telling us that Trump put his “life of luxury on hold”, then some blonde lady talked about busting the teachers union (winning message?); followed by another blonde lady who owns an espresso business no thanks to Joe Biden.  Matt Gaetz is up now and, not un-coincidentally, is my dinner, so I may have to cut this short.

  30. 30.

    Steeplejack

    I’m strapping in to watch this bitch as long as I can stand it. It’s historic—horrible, but historic. I’ve got a bottomless G&T working and just had a couple of mozzarello and tomato sandwiches for absorption.

    Charlie Kirk of Turning Point USA started out, predictably awful, after some hyperannuated geezer (probably a veteran, maybe a Confederate veteran ?) wheezed his way through the Pledge of Allegiance.

    Followed by some woman whose name I didn’t get. Teachers good, unions bad satanic. Her rhetoric, like Kirk’s, is really inflammatory.

    Now Tanya Weinreis of Mountain Mudd Espresso in Billings, MT. Salt of the earth, common clay of the new West. Thank you, President Trump, for the “great America comeback story.”

    Oh, here we go. Rep. Matt Gaetz. Drink. “The Democrats will invite MSM-13 to come live next door.” Drink drink drink.

  31. 31.

    Ken

    @MomSense: evil unions are destroying everything

    Oh, good. I worried attacking Goodyear wasn’t enough to anger Ohio voters.

     

    @Steeplejack: The Democrats will invite MSM-13

    Dang, they’re using Fox-code.  Does anyone have a translation guide?

  39. 39.

    dmsilev

    @Steeplejack:

    Oh, here we go. Rep. Matt Gaetz. Drink. “The Democrats will invite MSM-13 to come live next door.” Drink drink drink.

    Let us raise a glass, so to speak, in loving memory of your liver.

  41. 41.

    WaterGirl

    If anyone can link to a good image of a dumpster fire, I can trade out the image at the top.  I just needed something in a hurry because no one had put up a convention thread.

  43. 43.

    dmsilev

    Favorite excuse I heard (some years ago) for not watching an event like this: “I’d love to, but tonight it’s my turn to shampoo the neighborhood squirrels, and do you have any idea how long it takes to get the curlers on their tails?”.

  45. 45.

    Steeplejack

    Kim Klacik, black lady running for Congress in Maryland. Did you know that like Shirley Chisholm she is “unbought and unbossed”?

  46. 46.

    Fair Economist

    @Steeplejack:

    Charlie Kirk of Turning Point USA started out, predictably awful, after some hyperannuated geezer (probably a veteran, maybe a Confederate veteran ?) wheezed his way through the Pledge of Allegiance.

    Turning Point, if you don’t remember, is the organization that has been trying to erase its COVID denialism after their cofounder died of COVID.

    The Republicans sure know how to pick them.

  51. 51.

    MomSense

    So far we had the college Republican dude, a school choice activist, the coffee shop lady who stayed open during quarantine, and Matt Goetz,  Now it’s Ronna RMoney.

  53. 53.

    Steeplejack

    Ronna Romney McDaniel. She is coming across like the hostess of the Tupperware party that I somehow got tricked into attending. “I thought this was a chick thing! Son of a—”

  57. 57.

    TS (the original)

    The media is treating this trash as normal. headline at wapo

    Trump campaign hints at ‘a few surprises’ for convention Night 1

    Only surprise would be if trump didn’t turn up

    The share markets keep going up because of trump’s b.s. about treatment for covid-19 or a vaccine for covid-19. Gullible – probably not – more likely money for the boys.

    What did it cost for trump to fly to the rubbish roll call.  No technology to show him wherever he is – or does he refuse to be anywhere other than in front of his disciples?

  58. 58.

    MomSense

    chair of the party that couldn’t even get a platform together is criticizing democrats for just hating on trump and having no policies.

  62. 62.

    Steeplejack

    McDaniel: “Raising taxes on 82% of Americas is not nice.” Joe Biden is not a nice guy.

    Oh, she has seen Trump’s deep love for the values of family. Also comforting people. Biden cares more about China and Iran than he does about America.

  63. 63.

    Steeplejack

    This is like a firehose of bullshit. Just want to note that my quotes will mostly be (I hope close) paraphrases.

  64. 64.

    Eljai

    Ronna Romney McRomney just said Biden will allow abortion right up until the day of birth.  Now here’s a short video of a bunch of white people.

  67. 67.

    Amir Khalid

    @Eljai:

    I watched a couple of minutes of that boy Charlie Kirk. He gave off a strong Draco Malfoy/minor-league Jared vibe. Ick.

  68. 68.

    NotMax

    @Steeplejack

    “See? One burp of the lid and your stacks of $100 bills will stay as fresh and crisp as the day they were printed. How many can I put you down for?”

    //

  69. 69.

    Steeplejack

    Going through a quick montage of the states’ pledges. I think I saw one black person, but I could be wrong. Oh, wait, a couple of Asian-American women in Hawaii. Hard to avoid, I guess.

  72. 72.

    RaflW

    I’m still sort of reeling from Charlie Kirk’s “the bodyguard of western civilization*” line. The man needed two hands to drink water on stage.

    *eta: bodyguard of democracy, whatever, I was fighting a sudden involuntary spasm in my gut

  73. 73.

    Steeplejack

    I am getting a tingle of anticipation, or possibly a Hendrick’s pre-buzz, because Trump pretty much unloaded all of his ammo this afternoon, so tonight is probably going to be lit.

    Okay, going back to catch up with other comments. Montage of Trump being great right now.

  74. 74.

    jackmac

    I tried. I really tried to watch the RNC.

    But what I really wanted was to punch Matt Gaetz in his smug face.

  75. 75.

    Mousebumples

    @Sister Golden Bear: basically, lol

    The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) tweeted at 7:55 PM on Mon, Aug 24, 2020:

    And along comes Ronna Romney McDaniel, the head of the RNC, to deliver a cookie cutter speech of talking points.

    We’re like 20 mins in and on our fourth speaker and I already regret all of my life choices and curse my decision to watch this.

    (https://twitter.com/HoarseWisperer/status/1298061516047028225?s=03)

    I have no plans to watch the insanity so i appreciate those that are taking one fit the team.

  84. 84.

    Steeplejack

    @gkoutnik:

    I’m pacing myself. I was a shoe-leather reporter (with “PRESS” tag in the brim of my fedora) back in the day. I’ve lost a few steps, but I think I’m okay.

  87. 87.

    Jeffro

    Who is that hysterically funny woman on Twitter who keeps doing the deadpan TCNJ videos where she pretends to be making excuses for whatever crazy shit trumpublicans are excusing on any given day?  Today she did one pretending to be Jerry Falwell Jr’s daughter, trying not to get upset about her “boyf…er excuse me…the POOL BOY…”messing around with ‘mom’

    I died, I’m dying right now trying to explain it to Mrs. Fro, and like an idiot I didn’t make note of the lady’s name or the video.

  91. 91.

    Ken

    @gkoutnik: Can you find one big enough for the whole Repug Party to wash out to sea in?

    Given how fast people are leaving the party, that one may be big enough by the end of the week.

  92. 92.

    Steeplejack

    “COVID relief nurse” Amy Ford from Williamson, WV. Thick Saltine-American accent. Something (“TELMED”?) has been wonderful during the crisis. Like it’s a perk that has been graciously given rather than a half-assed response to the health-care system being overwhelmed.

  93. 93.

    debbie

    @Steeplejack:

    You’re made of sterner stuff than I. I’m watching The King’s Speech and catching up on Twitter. Real Dick Nixon is implying that Trump blackmailed Falwell into endorsing him in 2016, and this has something to do with his resignation earlier today. Is this something else I’m the last to know?

  95. 95.

    MazeDancer

     

    Poured and drank a big glass of wine, because I wanted to check in what kind of production values the GOP was featuring

    Cheap. One location that looks like a fake Senate chamber. Lotta flags behind a podium.

    Different white people speak at the podium.

    Some yell.

    Mr. Show Biz fails again.

    Matt Miller tweeted: Wine not going to cut it tonight.

    No. Not sure bourbon with a vodka chaser would either.

  97. 97.

    Steeplejack

    Montage: Democratic missteps from [*checking notes*] February. One person got it right. Guess who? Yeah, Trump.

  101. 101.

    MomSense

    Everyone got the China virus wrong except one leader.  Now they’ve got all the democratic governors praising him in heavily edited clips.

  103. 103.

    gkoutnik

    It seems they might need to be careful, using up all their women up front – at this rate, it’ll be all white men from about 10PM tonight til end of business Thursday.

    Oh, right.

  104. 104.

    Baud

    I didn’t click but WTF?

    Biden’s Loose Lips Could Sink His Chances

    NYT > Top Stories / by Bret Stephens / 34min

     

    We elect presidents to lead, not defer

     

  105. 105.

    Carlo

    Not watching. However, is Comedy Central covering it? When I had cable, that was the only way I could get through these things with my mind nearly whole.

    Also, All Trump All The Time? Sarah Cooper is going to be working three shifts…

  106. 106.

    RaflW

    So, what’s the shizz on LSU and Dr. Ghali? I guess a maxilofascial surgeon is the perfect choice to assure me that the Ronna isn’t going to kill me.

    And how widely available is the Abbot test today? And nice how he’s humping Redemsivir (sp?). Good ol’ Gilead the massive cash printing outfit.

  107. 107.

    Steeplejack

    Dr. G.E. Ghali. Director of a big medical research institution in Louisiana, which he somehow forgets to name. LSU Health Sciences Center. Thank you, C-SPAN chyron.

    “Let me give you three clear examples of how President Trump’s leadership” has been super awesome. I might have blacked out for a second there.

  109. 109.

    Ken

    @Baud: Isn’t there some Dem counterprogramming to this?

    Yes, they’re re-broadcasting it.

    EDIT: Jeffro got there first.

  111. 111.

    lamh36

    Good on ya’ll who’s watching the shitshow

    Not me, I’ll be damned if I let this racist-fuq-fest 2020 ruin my night.

  113. 113.

    MomSense

    @Baud:

    They just ran a montage of trump giving the thumbs up in front of bridges and big buildings while democratic governors praised his Covid response in very dishonest clips pulled out of context.
    MSNBC interrupted you present Dr Vin Gupta to fact check.  Oh and pink lady nurse was saying Trump invented tele health – which is almost as awesome as his invention of the term fake news!

  121. 121.

    MomSense

    Now we have military and first responders defeating an invisible enemy.  Optimistic trump voice with lots of flags and salutes and pence looking manly.

    Now trump is with his friends in the White House saying thank you to them for fighting the China virus.
    1st up is a postal worker.  We take good care of our postal workers – believe me!

    Now a trucker from Ohio. Drink!

  124. 124.

    RaflW

    So now we have a stand-up with six ordinary Americans. That’s not a bad idea, except of course it’s tilted and mostly in these wide shots that 100% have to have Trump in the frame.

    Dems filmed in tight shots with Biden listening closely and seeming to connect.

    Trump is of course talking too much.

  125. 125.

    Steeplejack

    Trump thanking a handful of (white) people. Not sure where, but it seems to be live. Some room in the White House. No masks among seven people.

    Aunt Bee: “As a nursing supervisor, I am in awe of your leadership.” ?

  127. 127.

    Ken

    @MazeDancer: One location that looks like a fake Senate chamber. Different white people speak at the podium.

    They’re determined to cause a COVID outbreak, aren’t they?

  129. 129.

    Sister Golden Bear

    This is the White Olympics.Every video, every crowd shot, is all white.They didn’t even try to pretend Babyfingers has diverse support.It’s a white out. A snowfall of redneckery and ignorance.— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) August 25, 2020

  130. 130.

    Dorothy A. Winsor

    I thought I was going to follow the Pod Save America live thread, and did for about 2 minutes. But then I realized I’d have to hear the R speeches and knew I didn’t have it in me.

    God speed, Mom Sense!

  131. 131.

    RaflW

    Trump asking a guy from CA who had Covid-19, “How long was your [brief pause] problem?”

    No one normal asks a question that way. Hey guy was sick, Don. He had an illness, not a problem.

  132. 132.

    Jeffro

    Trumpov, at the end of the night: “well, WOMEN are back in the fold and the frickin’ POST OFFICE IS NO LONGER AN ISSUE!  I’m back up by at least 10 point and that’s JUST NIGHT ONE!!!1!”

    Totally jenius, this guy.  Go for it, Donnie!  You’re going to win by like 80 points in November!!

  134. 134.

    MomSense

    Now some nurse is praising his positive attitude?  WTF.
    More China Virus.  And now he’s telling a woman who recovered that her blood is very valuable because of the plasma thing we got going on. His facial expression was so creepy when he said that.

    Another dude got ZPac zinc and hydroxychloroquine and recovered.

  135. 135.

    RaflW

    Just closed the C-span browser on Gym Jordan. Nope, nope nopity nope. He does not come into my house on even an invisible stream of electrons.

  136. 136.

    Steeplejack

    Gym Jordan! No coat. Shirt seems freshly pressed. He’s not at the podium; it’s a taped bit from his office (?). More “Democrats are demonic hellspawn” stuff.

    “When you take on the swamp, the swamp fights back.” Verbatim.

  137. 137.

    Ken

    @Sister Golden Bear: I’m watching Chopped reruns I recorded earlier today. I wonder if they tailored the programming for the convention – the episodes are “Weird Twist” and “Bizarre Battle”, both featuring baskets where the chefs say “What the hell is this?”

  138. 138.

    Doug R

    @dmsilev:

     

    Favorite excuse I heard (some years ago) for not watching an event like this: “I’d love to, but tonight it’s my turn to shampoo the neighborhood squirrels, and do you have any idea how long it takes to get the curlers on their tails?”.

    The danger of squirrels

  140. 140.

    WaterGirl

    Hey, what happened to the counter programming the Dems were going to have each night?  They even listed who was speaking.  Does anyone know?

  142. 142.

    Dan B

    @lamh36: Sooo judgemental!  Shame!!!

    //

    Reading the comments and quotes is giving me giggles.  Seeing the visages would probably give me nightmares, in broad daylight.

  144. 144.

    TS (the original)

    Well Rachel & Co are fact checking, calling out the lies and misinformation. To quote

    We hope we don’t have to be doing this all night

  148. 148.

    RaflW

    @Dan B: I’m doing very limited doses. And heading out to the townhouse assn pool shortly.

    (And, no, I honestly don’t know if we have a pool boy. Or girl. Or 60 year old pool person. Whoever it is must stop by in the morning, as in two summers I’ve never seen ’em but the pool seems to get cleaned 2X per week).

  152. 152.

    MomSense

    Herschel Walker was on the apprentice and Trump was awesome! He even went to Disney World in a business suit!  Now he’s vouching for trump not being a racist.  He cares about social justice he really does!! He works night and day.  He never stops!

  156. 156.

    Steeplejack

    “I’m Natalie Harp, a formerly forgotten American from California.” Verbatim. And she can stay forgotten. Oops, sorry, “bone cancer survivor.” Golly, she wouldn’t be alive if not for Donald Trump. I can’t wait for this story.

  158. 158.

    Tom Ames

    @Jeffro: That’s Blaire Erskine.

    The Falwell daughter one is GREAT. (Although it didn’t give her the opportunity she usually takes to rattle off her kids’ names.)

  160. 160.

    raven

    @MomSense:

    But not only did the public not know the real Herschel Walker, the athlete himself said he didn’t either. In his just-released book “Breaking Free,” Walker reveals he has a form of mental illness called dissociative identity disorder, or DID, formerly known as multiple personality disorder.

    “I didn’t really learn about this until about 10 years ago,” Walker tells CNN. “My life was out of control. I was not happy, I was very sad, I was angry and I didn’t understand why.”

    Walker said his life went off the tracks shortly after his football career ended and when his now ex-wife was expecting their son, Christian.

  166. 166.

    TS (the original)

    MSNBC showing ads – didn’t they run the dem convention without ads

     

    I’m watching online – maybe that’s different?

  175. 175.

    MomSense

    Government run health care doesn’t want to spend money to keep people alive.  Dump and Melanoma gave up their lives to save America.  Jesus Christ these people are possessed.

  178. 178.

    TS (the original)

    Fact checking real time!

    There is no pill you can take to protect you from infection with COVID-19 … and

    Both drugs are worse than doing nothing at all

  179. 179.

    Steeplejack

    Flags!

    Vernon Jones, state representative from the great state of Georgia. “As you can see, I am a person of color.” Verbatim. And a lifelong Democrat who has come over from the dark side to testify.

  181. 181.

    Aleta

    This feeling that  I might escape these people by ritually stabbing my intestines is new to me.

  182. 182.

    Haydnseek

    Kind of a strange respite but Vegan Black Metal Chef is an excellent cooking show on YouTube. Can’t link, but the Hail Seitan! episode is worth it just for the title.

  190. 190.

    raven

    @Immanentize: Much of it was on two-laners through very rural Florida and Georgia but there was a lot of truck traffic. Ya gotta hold er tween the ditches.

  193. 193.

    Sister Golden Bear

    Poor Hoarse is definitely taking one for the team.

    As an aside, I’m drinking a very large can of Dale’s Pale Ale. It is delightful but insufficient to the task.I’m an hour in and feel like I’m being waterboarded.— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) August 25, 2020

  195. 195.

    Steeplejack

    Man, they are giving noted POC Vernon Jones a lot of air time. Guess you need to stretch your scanty non-white resources. Gives me a chance to catch up.

  198. 198.

    West of the Cascades

    Surprising: current banner headline at FTFNYT.com is:

    “Live Analysis: G.O.P. Pushes Falsehoods and Fear at Convention.”

    I wish I could believe they were learning …

  202. 202.

    Ken

    @WaterGirl: It’s the same floating dumpster fire danielx linked, but just the image. Probably only works because I visited the containing page first and it was in my browser cache.

  209. 209.

    Steeplejack

    Andrew Pollack, father of Parkland shooting victim. I don’t know if I’m ready for this guy’s angle.

    Goddamn, carnographic retelling of his daughter’s death (nine bullets). Ugh. “I never wanted this to become a political spectacle, but it did.”

  213. 213.

    Steeplejack

    “I was interested in actions and solutions.” Do tell. “I told [Trump] that his administration needed to take a closer look at what went wrong and why.” And Trump formed a commission, but I bet you never heard about that!

  216. 216.

    Peale

    @Steeplejack: “I want you to praise me for my continued stoic acceptance of my daughters death at the altar of our god given right to get mad and shoot people needlessly”.

  219. 219.

    Morzer

    Well, at least I now know why the GOP doesn’t even have a platform – it’s because where there’s a platform, there must be a ramp.

  220. 220.

    gkoutnik

    Thus far, it has come across as Common Man Spaghetti. Just throw a bunch of average Americans at the podium and hope their comments somehow generally accrue to Trump keeping his base.

    Hoarse.  “Common Man Spaghetti.”

  223. 223.

    WaterGirl

  227. 227.

    sdhays

    @Steeplejack: The Democrats will invite MSM-13 to come live next door.

    I’ve decided to translate “MS-13” into something that my brain will accept and I would also be ok with:

    “The Democrats want to expand the House of Representatives so that a state the size of Mississippi will have 13 Congressional districts!!”

  228. 228.

    Steeplejack

    Huh, no one in the “out of control mob” was charged with a felony. “But you know who was? We were.”

  235. 235.

    MomSense

    Here we go angry protestors juxtaposed with the McCloskeys.  They were just trying to defend their home from an angry mob! Anarchy!  Chaos!  Democrats don’t want to protect honest citizens from criminals.  Those Marxist liberal activists want to protect criminals from honest citizens.  And guess what that Marxist liberal is now the democratic nominee for some statewide office.

    Coming to a neighborhood near you- the end of suburbs!  Low quality apartment buildings.  The Marxist liberals are going to ruin your neighborhood!

  250. 250.

    Steeplejack

    Kimberly Guilfoyle. Gha! That face.

    “They will selfishly send your jobs back to China.” Okay, Kim, can you explain that a bit?

    Wow, she’s a proud Latina. Didn’t know that.

    Gotta say that she looks like someone you’d want to check her Adam’s apple before getting too friendly, if you know what I mean. (h/t Dick Tracy’s Crime Stoppers Textbook)

  255. 255.

    Steeplejack

    OMG, they went to a long shot, and she’s wearing tight red slacks that make her look like one of those SoCal Latina honeys draped over a jacked-up hot rod.

    Might be a body suit. My eyes. Drink drink drink.

    Please don’t yell at me, señora lady.

  259. 259.

    laura

    Man, Kimberly Guilefoyle is trowling it on really thick. And loud. Also, the lies – lots of lies.

  262. 262.

    p.a.

    @Ascap_scab:

    Hahahaha. FOX news isn’t showing the RNC convention.

     

    Fux can do rethug  p.r.b.s. more professionally than this iteration of the ‘republican party’ can, so why bother…

  265. 265.

    gkoutnik

    Looks like CNN (online) is treating this as just more news.  No analysis, no fact checking, just repeating speakers’ main points.  They even reported on the re-nomination videos without mentioning that they were a ripoff of the DNC’s.

  268. 268.

    Mallard Filmore

    I’m watching PBS, really only interested in seeing Trump speak. In the meantime I see a bunch of Republicans

    lying,
    or seeing how much they can pervert the truth without actually lying,
    or telling me what I as a liberal think.

  269. 269.

    sdhays

    @Immanentize: My first thought when I see “MS-13” is ALWAYS, “What’s so bad about Mississippi’s 13’th CD?” And then, “Wait, Mississippi doesn’t HAVE 13 Congressional districts. What the hell is this?” And then finally, “Oh, right the ‘Messicans’ are going get us. <yawn>.”

  272. 272.

    Steeplejack

    Rep. Steve Scalise. I may use his time to breathe into a paper bag for a bit.

    “I was shot by a leftist gunman.”

  273. 273.

    Morzer

    @p.a.: Fox knows perfectly well that the more people see of this deranged collection of creeps, perverts, frauds and thugs the less chance there is of anyone voting for them.

  274. 274.

    janesays

    @laura: Weird fact about Guilfoyle – before she was Velveetamort the Lesser’s girlfriend, she was the first wife of the current Democratic governor of California.

  276. 276.

    Sister Golden Bear

    @Suzanne:

    For real, she is just yelling.It’s so weird.She’s at an empty podium screeching at a camera.I feel like I’m watching a Jeanine Pirro biopic and they’re doing a flashback scene to when she was just as drunk but younger.— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) August 25, 2020

  279. 279.

    WaterGirl

    @Ken: Oh, that makes sense.  There is a trick to putting GIFs in a comment, and I figured it out for Alain’s tribute thread, but it has since fallen out of my head.  I’ll figure it out and use that tomorrow.

  282. 282.

    Gin & Tonic

    @Suzanne: The teevee is in the other room, my darling wife is watching it. I can’t. The only thing I’ve heard in the last five minutes is my wife’s exasperated voice: “why is she screaming?”

  283. 283.

    Immanentize

    @Sister Golden Bear: I like this Hoarse better:

    And how we have Kimberly Guilfoyle.

    She is delivering remarks in a weird, affected growl-yell.

    Basically, she sounds like a phone sex operator if there was a version of phone sex where a deranged woman just yelled at you like you had asked her to wear a mask at Costco.

  285. 285.

    sdhays

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: The mob will destroy us.

    Absolutely! That’s why we need to get the mobbed up traitor out of the (Very) White House….oh, that’s not what she meant, is it?

  286. 286.

    Steeplejack

    Sean Parnell, House candidate, Pennsylvania. Platoon leader in Afghanistan. War story. “We all bleed red. Our differences do not define us.” Too bad a bunch of people had to die for you to figure that out, dude.

  287. 287.

    NotMax

    OT. Stepped outside in order to walk down to the street to check the mailbox and walk back up the driveway and hill to the abode. Heat today is incredible. Just that quick sojourn and shirt is drenched.

  288. 288.

    Suzanne

    @Morzer: Can I just say what I’m thinking? She’s trashy. Is that classist? Those fake lashes and obvious extensions and too-tight clothes just seem like she is super-thirsty.

  289. 289.

    JML

    Short version of Steve Scalise: Joe Biden bad man, in DC too long. Donald Trump did everything Biden failed to do.

    Watched for 2 minutes, had to stop. Dinner (grilled salmon) was too nice to allow these lying racists to bring it up…

  290. 290.

    mrmoshpotato

    Read a couple tweets when I got back from the store.

    I hope everyone’s enjoying hate-watching the Russthuglican shitshow.

    WHY DO YOU HATE YOURSELVES?

    Back to baseball for me.

  292. 292.

    MomSense

    Guys, Parnell has solved this unity thing.  We all bleed red -except for the Democrat party which hates middle America and dreams!

  297. 297.

    MomSense

    Ground bound dreamers ground bound dreamers ground bound dreamers ground bound dreamers.  If I weren’t drinking seltzer I never would have been able to say that 10 x fast.

  298. 298.

    Steeplejack

    @Luciamia:

    It’s pretty simple. Prefab clips interspersed with speakers at podium in what looks like a Senate-like hall. Not clear that the speakers themselves are live. I bet they aren’t. Probably only Trump will be.

  299. 299.

    Mai naem mobile

    Not watching because I’ve been working but I get more out of the BJ comment threads anyway.  I am kind of surprised there’s not more praise of dear leader and more attacking. Maybe the praise comes on Wed and Thurs…

  302. 302.

    Steeplejack

    Dark montage that might be a promo for an edgy HBO series. Oh, no, it’s Americans held hostage overseas and rescued by, you guessed it, President Trump.

  303. 303.

    Steeplejack

    No mention of the guy who came back from North Korea with his brain scrambled like guacamole.

  307. 307.

    TS (the original)

    Begosh, whatever this is with trump & plane –  just b.s. to have trump on the screen – cause no-one else wants to be there?

  308. 308.

    Steeplejack

    Okay, Trump talking with some of the hostages. Taped earlier.

    “You took unprecedented steps to secure my release.” And yet now I’m here, held prisoner again. Go figure.

  311. 311.

    Steeplejack

    Trump: “You still appreciate the people of Turkey, don’t you?”

    Looking for eyes blinking Morse code, but no close-ups.

  314. 314.

    TS (the original)

    @Steeplejack:

    Not clear that the speakers themselves are live.

    Seems 100% unlikely – would add a little more reality if they had at least given them all a different backdrop – but this is the GOP.

    Edit: Other than the role call, I doubt any of it is live. Record a bunch of speeches,  find a heap of pictures of trump & work out what sequence to put them in. The end.

  325. 325.

    Eljai

    Even their propaganda films are boring.  It’s a bunch of white people fawning before Trump about how great he is.  Next, scary communists!

  326. 326.

    Steeplejack

    Maximo Alvarez, Sunshine Gasoline Distributors. Gotta be a Cuban “refugee.”

    Called it!

  332. 332.

    Sister Golden Bear

    @Morzer: Something like that.

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:  I actually know some folks who work on-screen in the porn industry. It truly is harder than it looks, since the shoots often last a couple hours (and yes, the male actors are expected to keep up the whole time). They’re like the pro athletes of sex.

  334. 334.

    Elizabelle

    I think we should have an open thread each night.

    Some of us refuse to give our attention to the GOP freak show.

  337. 337.

    Steeplejack

    @Steeplejack:

    If this guy’s glasses were lightly tinted, he could be a South American dictator from Central Casting. Just sayin’.

    He might actually suggest Pinochet helicopter rides for the Democrats. Holding my breath. No, drink drink drink.

  341. 341.

    different-church-lady

    Just wondering: did they actually try to make the roll call look like a police line-up?

  342. 342.

    Soprano2

    If this is optimistic and upbeat I’d hate to see what their deliberately dark convention would be like. Holy hell….

  344. 344.

    MomSense

    Here we go – the radical Marxist socialist democrats with their promises are just like Castro. The promises and the protests triggered this guy wicked.  Castro is coming!

  345. 345.

    TS (the original)

    Will they ever stop about the families who fled Cuba? How long ago was that? Other than Marco lying about it, seems past the use by date

  347. 347.

    Morzer

    @MomSense: Imagine how the GOP is going to react when they realize that there are two living Castros walking among us! Viva Julian! Viva Joaquin!

  352. 352.

    Steeplejack

    More POC extender. This guy was on the whole time I was making another drink and confronting the fact that I just used my last wedge of real lime. Over to Rose’s after this. The  horror!

    Did he actually start crying?! There’s no crying in Latin American fascism!

  355. 355.

    Ken

    So, a poll.  As I said, I’m watching Chopped episodes with weird ingredients.  They just had pig bung, which is the rectum. The chefs cooked it and the judges ate it.

    Question: Would you rather be a judge on that episode, or watch the RNC without chemical help?

  358. 358.

    Suzanne

    So Ben Shapiro embarrassed himself on Twitter regarding his sex life again. Can someone embed the tweet, plz?

  360. 360.

    Steeplejack

    Nikki Haley! Okay, now we’re getting into the A-list.

    She sounds like she’s talking to her fifth-grade social studies class.

  361. 361.

    TS (the original)

    @Immanentize:

    I was thinking of the very little ones – remembering a time when closed doors had no meaning. They came right in anyway. Pets do much the same  but have trouble opening doors.

    The again, we had what I think are called “pocket doors” in the US. One of our cats could open them with ease.

  366. 366.

    Steeplejack

    “President Trump did the right thing and tore up the Iran nuclear agreement.” You mean the one we’re now trying to restart? Try to keep up, Nikki.

  375. 375.

    Anotherlurker

    @raven:  Hey, for years people looked at Tautog (Blackfish) as trash fish. Now, they are a delicacy . So much so that the L.I. Sound fishery collapsed when the live fish markets put out a premium $$ on them. The price was so high that they started to fish for them with traps the size of a small car.
    The final cut to this madness was that the smallest fish brought the highest price. In the case of ‘Tog, this meant immature fish and females.
    The reason for this, the live fish/Sushi market.
    Finally, NY State prohibited the use of traps. Pre-trapping, there was no size or bag limits and plenty of fish in a healthy fishery. Now, the bag limit is 4 fish/day, in NY.

  385. 385.

    TS (the original)

    Did I read this was recorded in a government building, next to trump hotel (so everyone would have somewhere close to stay?)

    Edit: I have the sound off (except when Rachel & Co come in to fact check.)  Don’t want anyone thinking I’m listening so you don’t have to.

  392. 392.

    Brachiator

    @Suzanne:

    So Ben Shapiro embarrassed himself on Twitter regarding his sex life again. Can someone embed the tweet, plz?

    What? Was he another Falwell pool boy?

  394. 394.

    Steeplejack

    Aw, hell, no. Haley is bringing up the Mother Emanuel church shooting. “Together we made the hard choices to heal.” Didn’t do dick about guns, but, you know. Baby steps.

  396. 396.

    MomSense

    Here we go.  Joe Biden and the socialist left are going to kill jobs and then they are going to yell at everyone that all y’all are racist but don’t believe them because Nikki’s mom wore a sari which makes Nikki an expert on America not being racist. Well there was that one time, but she took down the flag so it’s all better.

  398. 398.

    Suzanne

    @Brachiator: He has two kids and apparently had paternity tests done on them, because that’s a normal thing that dudes who satisfy their wives do.

  408. 408.

    MomSense

    The nasty democrat party accused his father of being a racist and a xenophobe but he didn’t listen to them.  NO he fought that China Virus!

  414. 414.

    MomSense

    @Ken:

    They are wicked into this!  They say the scary shit really fast and with enthusiasm so it’s super upbeat.

  416. 416.

    Steeplejack

    Seriously, I am doubting that any of these speakers so far are live. Could have been taped any time.

    The true test will be Trump himself. Don’t see how they thread the needle of him giving a coherent speech live without going off on multiple zany tangents.

  418. 418.

    stinger

    Joe Biden is the Loch Ness monster of the swamp. Tell it, Trumpkid. (Can never remember which luzer son is which.)

  425. 425.

    Ken

    @stinger: Junior’s the one with the brain damage from the time his father punched for wearing a baseball shirt to go to a baseball game.  I don’t know what caused the other one’s brain damage.

  428. 428.

    Steeplejack

    I hate Junior’s beard. I used to have one myself, but there’s something about his that just makes me rage. Maybe because he’s one of those guys who gets five o’clock shadow at 11:00 a.m.? Is that hair-ist?

    (Apologies to Ari Melber.)

  434. 434.

    Steeplejack

    Also, spread collars are of the devil. Kushner, Stephen Miller, Junior—they all wear them.

    Okay, pulling back from the GQ angle. Gotta stay in my lane.

  435. 435.

    NotMax

    Not curious enough to look up the name. Anyone else remember the wild-eyed screaming nutball woman speaker four years ago?

  438. 438.

    Steeplejack

    I think the thing about Junior’s beard is that it’s supposed to look like some rough, edgy Grizzly Adams thing but you know it cost $600 and he screamed at the stylist for 20 minutes.

  441. 441.

    Leto

    “Imagine the world, and you can have it”

    JFC, remember all those cheesy 80s infomercials selling the power of positive thinking? That’s all this was.

  445. 445.

    Yutsano

    Y’all keep watching. I’m gonna do random Chef John videos and the occasional peek in here until this is over.

    EDIT: @Leto:  Oh hey there Zoomie.

  450. 450.

    Brachiator

    @Suzanne:

    He has two kids and apparently had paternity tests done on them, because that’s a normal thing that dudes who satisfy their wives do.

    The ultimate application of the Reagan dictum, “trust but verify.”

    Shapiro is pathetic. His wife puts up with this nonsense?

  451. 451.

    Eljai

    That last “God Bless America” from Junior sounded pretty angry. Had more of a “fuck you” vibe to it.

  455. 455.

    Steeplejack

    Whoa, clip that starts out in black and white. Thought it was going to be a “lesbians for Trump” thing there for a minute. Names of the two women flashed briefly, but even C-SPAN is at a loss to identify them. Mom from Guatemala, which allowed us to become the hot American chicks that we are today.

    “In America, there is no ceiling of opportunity.” President Trump “is providing that for everybody.”

    C-SPAN chyron guy might be drinking more than I am.

    What is their goddamn business?!

  459. 459.

    Sister Golden Bear

    Agreed.

    As an aside, one of the reasons why this whole night is falling so short is because it’s basically just any night on Fox News.The DNC was programming people never see.The RNC is programming people see daily. Grievance politics served up by Trump sycophants.BORING.— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) August 25, 2020

  464. 464.

    Steeplejack

    “There has been an assault on capitalism, just generally.” Verbatim. Not so convincing in the vocal fry semi-Valley girl accent. Maybe should have been: “There has been, like, an assault on capitalism.”

  467. 467.

    MomSense

    @Leto:

    Wasn’t there a really tall guy named Tony who used to smile yell motivational phrases with his headset mic?

  471. 471.

    Ken

    @WaterGirl: I think they “planned” to run over by an hour or two, thinking the networks would have to cover Trump.  I suppose we’ll find out.

  478. 478.

    MisterForkbeard

    I’m actually somewhat impressed by NPRs coverage. they still refuse to say “lie”, but they’re doing a lot of “This person praised Trumps COVID success. Over 180k Americans have died of it, making America one of the worst records in the world.” kind of thing.

  486. 486.

    MomSense

    GOD almighty! Thank god he praised him so loudly.  I was kind of tuning out. He pulled me back in. Praise Jesus.

  496. 496.

    Ken

    @WaterGirl: @NotMax:  I know the difference between Cain and Carson.  I was making a snide reference to Marco Rubio and Dan Sullivan both confusing Elijah Cummings for John Lewis.

  499. 499.

    MomSense

    Joe Biden is coming for my pocketbooks! He’s going to give them to New York Billionaires and Hollywood elites.  Good thing they already have money because they won’t find any in my pocketbooks.  Maybe they just need all our pocket books so they can carry all their money?

  502. 502.

    Steeplejack

    Man, they are letting Tim Scott gas on way too long. That’s the problem with POC extender—not enough nutritional substance.

  506. 506.

    Steeplejack

    Uh-oh, Trump 2020 CGI logo montage. Is the big man himself coming out? Be still, my heart!

    Aerial shot of the White House! Yes yes please yes. Also preëmptive drink drink drink.

    Also soaring orchestral music. Am I hearing angels?

  512. 512.

    NotMax

    @stinger

    Junior’s the one with the “there’s no light on in the attic” look.

    Eric’s the one with the “there’s no attic” look.

    //

  513. 513.

    mad citizen

    @Steeplejack: Totally agree about spread collars being the devil’s work.

    I’m watching the Lincoln Project feed on YouTube.   Is it the hatefest over?

  517. 517.

    Ken

    @Steeplejack: OK, I’m not watching this (even though I’m out of Chopped episodes), but it’s 11 PM Eastern time and they’re only now getting to Trump?  Are the broadcast networks even carrying it?

  518. 518.

    Steeplejack

    WTF?! Boring C-SPAN voice coming in. Apparently it’s over? I thought Trump was going to speak every night. Although I thought they were running pretty long if he was.

    Okay, over to the Crew—Rachel, Nicolle and Joy—for the post-game analysis.

    Whoa, C-SPAN replaying Kimberly Guilfoyle. Somebody’s got a stiffie over there.

  520. 520.

    Morzer

    @NotMax: Don’s the one who has the idea of sticking his genitals in the electric socket. Eric’s the one who actually does it.

  521. 521.

    stinger

    @Ken: I know Dad didn’t want to give one of them his own name in case the kid turned out to be a loser. They both did, so I still can’t tell which one he ended up giving his name to. Elder, younger? Brunet, blond? Married, divorced? Will never know and will never care.

  522. 522.

    MomSense

    @WaterGirl:

    It’s over. Oh my god. Did they have a cocaine stand behind the flags?  They were all talking so fucking fast In slogan speak. The only one who didn’t was coffee shop jesus lady, but she was sedated by god’s love.

  529. 529.

    NotMax

    @Ken

    Ever see the episode when one guest chef (originally from Ethiopia, if memory serves) stormed out in the middle, essentially calling everyone else on camera an a-hole?

  531. 531.

    Ken

    Someone theorized above that Fox was only going to show Trump’s speech – is he even speaking tonight? Did Fox end up showing anything?

  533. 533.

    Steeplejack

    Okay, we hit a TBogg unit, and my blood alcohol may have hit a TBogg unit too. Might have to rethink my strategy for the rest of the week. Clearly more absorbent food will be needed.

  535. 535.

    JaySinWA

    @Ken: I heard that he crashed the party early. I was wondering how they were going to avoid sundowning.

    ETA there were some Twitter comments (including one from Parsdale) that Fox was cutting away from presenters to the panel, so maybe they mostly did Trump.

  536. 536.

    Steeplejack

    Brian Williams. Okay, here we go. I know eleven o’clock is his hour, but, jeez, he is a complete buzz kill. Can’t they hit him with an estrogen bomb or something?

    They’re doing the four-panel split-screen, and all three of the women are looking like, “Just shut up, you pompous old windbag.”

  539. 539.

    geg6

    @Steeplejack:

    He thinks there is no such thing as an independent woman.  We are all weak and stupid and should just shut up and make him a sammich.  Not an exact quote but pretty close.  He’s running against my Congress critter, Conor Lamb.  This is why I get passed when people here bitch about reps like Lamb.  He can win here and he’s as good as it can get.

  542. 542.

    Steeplejack

    @Steeplejack:

    Goddamn, and apparently BriWi carpooled in with Michael Steele, who is also now bloviating in an old windbag way.

    Five-panel split screen. Women’s expressions still the same. Big surprise.

  544. 544.

    Steeplejack

    BriWi: “Michael, please go first, and then I’m sure our colleagues will want to follow.” ???

    Maybe I need to restart drinking. Or go over to Perry Mason (classic, not HBO bullshit) at 11:30 to restore my faith in the American way.

  545. 545.

    Ruckus

    @dr. bloor:

    I’ve been away, I thought it would be safer for my mental health. I was right.

    But.

    Twitter is hilarious in it’s mocking of shitforbrains and all his enablers.

    BTW, does RNC stand for Rescue Nuclear Codes. Because they are doing a really crappy job.

  553. 553.

    frosty

    @geg6: I would take Conor Lamb in a York Minute. Mine used to be Scott Perry but now it’s Lloyd Smucker. Both useless R sacks of crap. I don’t even know if he’s got an opponent this year. We had a great woman running against him in 2018, but, you know, Pennsyltucky.

  562. 562.

    stacib

    @WaterGirl:

    From CNN:

     
    The Democratic week of programming will involve new television and digital ads focused on how Biden believes Trump has failed as a leader, as well as a host of briefings led by prominent leaders in the Democratic Party, including former presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer and Florida Rep. Val Demings.
    Additionally, the party plans to hold virtual events across key battleground states.

  569. 569.

    SFAW

    @Ken: 

    So, a poll. As I said, I’m watching Chopped episodes with weird ingredients. They just had pig bung, which is the rectum. The chefs cooked it and the judges ate it.

    Question: Would you rather be a judge on that episode, or watch the RNC without chemical help?

    I’d like to see those so-called “chefs” do something with tire rims and anthrax. Unless they can, they’re just pretenders.

  570. 570.

    SFAW

    @Aleta:

    “If you haven’t charred a lemon yet, get out your cast iron skillet”

    I haven’t charred a lemon, but I’ve chard a Swiss.

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