Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

“Let’s not pretend [Trump] wants to engage in high-minded discourse.”

Nothing says ‘pro-life’ like letting children go hungry.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

with the Kraken taking a plea, the Cheese stands alone.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Maybe you would prefer that we take Joelle’s side in ALL CAPS?

This fight is for everything.

I also would like a pony to improve my balloon juice experience.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

You cannot shame the shameless.

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

“Why isn’t this Snickers bar only a nickel?”

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

Books are my comfort food!

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

There is one struggling party in US right now, and it’s not the Democrats.

…and a burning sense of injustice to juice the soul.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Baba, Tell Me A Story

Baba, Tell Me A Story

by | 76 Comments

This post is in: 

Someone on the Twitters asked who was working on their dream. My response was, “Who dreams anymore?”

Somewhere, somewhen in the past, I stopped dreaming.
As a child, I did not dream. I had nightmares, but dreams? Dreams are for people who hope & aspire. I had the restful blackness until I woke and that was that. But some things could break through and inspire me. They could touch the spaces inside my soul that had lost any ability to believe in the people or the world I was unwillingly thrust into, that seemed to desire me as a toy to break. Star Wars, Star Trek, if there was a fantasy or scifi element, I could be lost in that world. A world that seemed infinitely more interesting than the banalities of this one. I could be a Jedi and fight beside Luke Skywalker. As a Ranger, I would be loyal & true to Frodo and ensure the Ring was destroyed. I could not prevent the Fall of Nargothrond, but I would gladly rescue as many as I could. There was a small problem. Even in my dreams, I’d still be the sole black person in the story.

You, my fine alabaster to tan brethren, probably grew up with a hero you identified with. Whether it’s The Lone Ranger, Pippi Longstocking, Aragorn, or Alexander Portnoy – you didn’t just decide to participate, you got to see yourself as the hero. You felt that connection, a bond where art and audience don’t just find each other, the art makes a home in you and the story that was told is now a thread of the story of you. I can’t quite say I felt that way about everything. The few black heroes were often busy heroing somewhere off to the side, lesser heroes in lesser stories that didn’t get be as important as the big and Caucasian leads. I wasn’t deterred from desiring to participate in these worlds, but there was a longing I didn’t know I had for faces like mine and voices that could connect me to a group, a dynamic, a heritage. There’s an absence, I think, for some in the Diaspora where we know nothing but the lands we’ve arrived in while dealing with craving for mother tongues we’ve never spoken, dances we’ve never moved to & tales for lands we’ve never seen but within our gene pool we can recognize as belonging to us and also about us. Maybe it’s just me.

Fast forward. I had no desire for Black Panther to be a movie. Sorry, I’m 100% a Storm fan but…Ryan Coogler and Chadwick “I am a very serious ACTOR” Boseman”…? Maybe I’m the only one who appreciated Ang Lee’s Hulk for what Lee was trying to do, and I am always curious when the “serious movie” talent gets to let their [super]freak flag fly. Let’s see how it goes. Besides, I’ve grow up seeing so many “black” movies be done with less budget, get stuck as narrow genre content and worse yet, languish in development because the common wisdom is movies with black leads won’t be enjoyed by anybody really important, i.e. white people. A money losing proposition. It’s also stupid, because who didn’t enjoy Blade? Make a good movie, give us a shot. Common wisdom is sometimes incredibly stupid.

I didn’t know what to expect while sitting in the theater. I knew it was going to be good from the first action sequence and I let out a breath of relief. A good-not-great Marvel movie was going to do well and wouldn’t be a drag on black lead projects. Yeah, I think in movie business, what of it? We don’t really get to just make an error and have it reflect on just use. A notable black person making a mistake in public is a pratfall every black person has to get up & dust themselves off from. It was going to be ok for more like this to be made. And then T’Challa, Nakia & Okoye flew through the curtain of the regular world and descended into the glorious dream of Wakanda. My heart opened up to absorb this dream. This dream of an unconquered Africa. This dream of people who never knew slavery, degradation or abuse. A land where a known past melded with an advanced future. Women of beauty, strength & intellect in positions of power. Presided over by a young king who would put himself in danger for his people, while commanding loyalty due to his compassion and willingness to question what does it mean to be a good man as well as a good king. Every time I watch that movie, I feel myself connecting passionately with it from start to finish. A hero’s journey, but one where the hero starts a hero, then passes through battle and death to become fully human. King Lear, but with spandex & a massive VFX budget.

I remember leaving the theater with my friends and having to think deeply of all the themes and complications. That was a performance! From every star of that film, but Boseman’s T’Challa created a legend for black people. One they hadn’t really been given before. We got our King, we got our Aragorn, WE HAD OUR ARTHUR! We got to dream, in bold, vivid colors, with a complexity that fits the concept of Blackness on this very small yet large planet. The most brilliant thing is, he helped prove that stories that center us, feature us and elevate us, are capable of connecting to the hearts of people everywhere. Which cracks open the door for other actors to bring BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) stories to screen. Maybe they’ll get to be sitting at a desk, shaking hands with the fans and seeing little kids and giant kids like myself just dissolve into joy because the character they played meant something and brought a dream to life. I hope so. Chadwick Boseman did film after film after film – while fighting cancer. The little movies I’ve made and worked on were exhausting. The preplanning I did for an action short that covid kaboshed, even more work. I have no idea how he did it. But I think I know why. He had to put all his love for his craft, for his people and for the life he knew he could be leaving soon, into something. And he did. Black Panther. Da 5 Bloods. 42. Marshall. Any of those would be such a great film, no one would blame you for taking the rest of the year off & handing you a damned award. People, he was in more films than just that since 2016. When you know you might have to go, though… it makes sense to take your most precious gifts and make sure they go to the people who need them. I think he did.

The king is dead. Long Live the King. Long live the story that will stay with all of us.

A Big Spandex Jumpsuit to Fill
These are a few of the original costumes used in filming Black Panther.

Reader Interactions

76Comments

  1. 1.

    Eljai

    Beautifully written. There’s so much there for me to ponder that I don’t even know what to say and that is okay, because you’ve given me so much to ponder.

  2. 2.

    Martin

    I’ve never really had dreams, at least none I can remember. Occasionally a nightmare, that I would remember just fragments of. Now it’s nothing but nightmares, and I legit have no reason to have nightmares from the comfort of my home and identity. Thankfully I can’t remember but fragments of them.

    I too liked Ang Lee’s Hulk. Certainly more than the Ed Norton version. Though I really like Ruffalo as Banner. Banner needs to be anti-Hulk, and Ruffalo just seems to naturally have that chill personality.

    I remember friends fretting about whether Black Panther would be good. Shit, you give black actors their shot to own the whole stage as the technically superior culture, they are not going to fuck that opportunity up. No production was going to work harder to get it right than that one, and they did. I left the theater thinking I would be seeing a LOT of little Shuris at Halloween.

    It would be wrong to not have another film.

  4. 4.

    Ascap_scab

    And it gets worse — for Trump.

    Trump Hotel in Vancouver closes as company files for bankruptcy

    The company that owns Vancouver’s Trump International Hotel has filed for bankruptcy, according to documents from the Office of the Superintendent of Bankruptcy Canada.

    Staff who answered the hotel phone Friday morning said the hotel has closed permanently.

    Hotel operator TA Hotel Management Partnership Ltd. filed for bankruptcy on Thursday. TA Hotel Management Limited Partnership is a subsidiary of TA Global Berhad.

    CEO Tiah Joo Kim has been at the helm of TA Global Berhad as CEO since 2016, according to his online bio. He opened the Trump hotel in Vancouver in 2017 and soon after expressed concerns about the deal, amid protests.

  5. 5.

    opiejeanne

    I second what Eljai said, all of it. Really thoughtful essay, beautifully written. Thank you.

    I’ve felt so sad since I heard the news, late this afternoon. His visits with children with terminal cancer who didn’t live to see the movie was heartbreaking to read.

    When we went to see Black Panther in the theater I expected something very good just from the trailers, but what we got was brilliant. We just watched it again about a month ago and it was everything I thought, and more, and while this was a wonderful ensemble, Boseman stood out. That’s saying something because I think Lupita Nyong’o pretty much walks on water.

  6. 6.

    Mary G

    Black Panther is the only movie I’ve gone to see in an actual theater in 10 years. Handicapped seating is almost always on the floor right in front of the screen and the stiff neck the next couple of days is not worth it. It was a major sticker shock and worth every penny.

    I dream a lot, in color. I explained iPhones to my dad who died in 1967 the other night.

  8. 8.

    No name

    Ruemara, I can’t write like you do, so the best I can say is this is one of the most beautiful, heartbreaking, heartfelt, thoughtful things I have ever read.  Thank you for writing it, thank you for being here.

  10. 10.

    Tony Jay

    I’m glad you wrote that and I’m very glad it’s the first thing I’ve read today. You say a lot of important things so very beautifully.

  12. 12.

    satby

    ruemara, just beautiful. You took us from an intellectual understanding of how representation matters to a more visceral one. Thank you.

  13. 13.

    Aleta

    @No name: one of the most beautiful, heartbreaking, heartfelt, thoughtful things I have ever read

    yes.

    Tears 1st thing in the morning again but something beautiful carrying the grief this time

    Thank you ruemara

  18. 18.

    Mousebumples

    This was wonderful. Thank you for writing this.

    And, to add, your comments about the fear of the movie not doing well (and setting back Black projects, as a result) makes sense and resonates with me – because that’s how I felt about Wonder Woman, seeing a female led movie (with a female director).

    There is so much in Hollywood that is made in the image of the white, male powerbrokers. Chadwick made some excellent movies while he could, and hopefully his work and his performances will make it easier for the next great Black performer to celebrate their craft.

  21. 21.

    Starfish

    @Martin: It seems like people have been having weird pandemic dreams. All the anxiety of being in a pandemic has thrown fuel on the imaginings in their sleep.

  23. 23.

    narya

    Thank you. “I wasn’t deterred from desiring to participate in these worlds, but there was a longing I didn’t know I had for faces like mine and voices that could connect me to a group, a dynamic, a heritage.” Though I am in the alabaster set, that is exactly how I realized I felt about the fiction I read that was steeped in patriarchy. There are a number of authors I’ve gone back and read–authors who changed my way of seeing the world, who opened possibilities for me–whom I cannot read any longer because of the misogyny that permeates every word. I rarely watch movies these days, but very much wanted to see Black Panther, in part because I wanted to see what you’ve so beautifully described. That kind of world-building changes ways of seeing the world and opens possibilities in the very best ways.

  25. 25.

    PaulWartenberg

    It’s a phrase that came up a lot when the Wonder Woman movie came out: Representation Matters.

    I’ve seen a research paper or two, an essay or three on comic book characters’ influences in the real world, and it came up often how Black Panther turned into a legend across many African nations similar to King Arthur across English-speaking nations.

    Representation Matters.

    This loss is going to hurt. Boseman was poised to carry on a series of Black Panther movies that now would either have to recast the role – which may shatter the illusion if the next actor can’t get T’Challa “just right” – or rewrite the stories to lessen the character’s presence. Possibly Shuri (Letitia Wright) filling the spot in an Avengers lineup, perhaps. But the loss will be there.

  26. 26.

    lamh36

    This was beautiful ruemara and exactly what I needed to read upon first waking up this morning.

    Thank you

  27. 27.

    dnfree

    Thank you for writing something beautiful, thoughtful, personal, insightful.
    I’m white, but I came of age during the civil rights movement of the later 1950s and 1960s. The triumphs of strong people acting nonviolently but with great determination is a core memory for me. I had grown up in a small town with few black people, and I was able to see what I had not known about this country.
    That was followed by other movements—anti war, women’s rights, gay rights—I came to feel that this country was on the (slow, rocky) road to a truly welcoming and caring society. The last four years have been mentally and emotionally devastating to realize how fragile the progress was, and how many Americans opposed it. 

    A loss like this echoes worse in these times. I’m glad the movies he made exist.

  28. 28.

    Bupalos

    This essay is just astounding. I so wish people could engage with the critical real-world importance of dreaming, of being able and encouraged to write oneself into a story of liberation and joy. This pulsates throughout this piece for me. Can’t thank you enough for this essay and the brilliant way you’ve expressed yourself here.

    Wow.

  29. 29.

    Betty Cracker

    I just landed here after learning the sad news of Mr. Boseman’s passing this morning and reading a few tributes to his life and career. Wow. The powerful and personal perspective you offer blows me away. What a beautiful post you have written here, Rue. Brava! And also, thank you! 

  36. 36.

    Another Scott

    Thank you, ruemara. This is perfect. Representation of “what might and ought to be” is so important.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  42. 42.

    scribbler

    This is so beautifully written.  It brought me into your world, which is what all great writing should do.  Thank you.

  43. 43.

    Miss Bianca

    Wow, Rue. I’ve always admired your writing, but this essay is something else.

    I think I’m going to be leaking tears all day today.

  45. 45.

    laura

    Others have said it better- what a powerful, touching essay Ruemara. This is a gift you made and shared and I thank you. Thoughtful and thought provoking, heavy in ways that matter.

  46. 46.

    Kathleen

    All I can say rumara is thank you and tell you that you touched my soul and gave my heart room to ponder. I needed your post. Thank you.

  48. 48.

    lamh36

    I read this first as “Baby…l”. It was the second reading where I realized I the title said “Baba…”.  The first line uttered in the BP movie (at least I think it was the first) from whom we now known was Eric Killmonger talking to his father played by Sterling K Brown.

     

    what a great title to go along with the great writing ruemara!

     

    thank you again

  49. 49.

    Evil_Paul

    Beautifully said.

    I’m white, so I can’t speak to racial representation.  But when I was growing up, I was one of the smallest kids in my class and I got bullied a lot as a result.  For me it was the Hobbits I identified with in Tolkeen’s work.  The idea that someone could be small, weak and diminutive, but still be a hero?  Better yet, they became heroes not by growing big and strong.  They stayed small and weak the whole way through and even when the adventure was over and all the cheering died down, they basically went back to their homes and tried to live comfortable lives.  That meant something to me.

    One of the things that really struck me about Black Panther was that it brought a different perspective to the classic hero story.  The whole point of the ending wasn’t just that T’Challa was back as king, but that he’d realized Killmonger was right.  Not in the whole ‘invade the world’ thing but the basic premise that Wakanda should not sit in splendid isolation while Black people around the world needed her help.  Killmonger was a tragic villain who took the right premise and filtered it through decades of abuse, violence and militarism (colonial militarism no less) to become a monster.

    There’s a (I think) similar theme in ‘Da 5 Bloods’** where a huge part of the story’s resolution centres around Paul (the self-hating MAGA Blood) confronting his own anger and self-loathing.  It seems to be a theme in a lot of Black American stories: Confronting and processing the anger.  Learning where it came from and trying to re-direct the energy (or at least forgive the harm done).

    This is another reason why representation matters, and why we need to tell everyone’s story.  I could imagine creating a character like Killmonger or Paul, but I wouldn’t have thought to have Chadwick Boseman forgive them.  Now, having seen these stories on screen, I can’t imagine those stories ending up any other way.

    **As a veteran, I got serious mixed feelings about Da 5 Bloods, but the first half of that movie is gold, and I do like how Paul’s story arc comes to a close despite everything else.

  50. 50.

    J R in WV

    @Amir Khalid:

    n+1 from me  my Internet friends!

    Loved the movie even I’m not a big fan of film and action movies. I don’t know the actors names, don’t know who got nominated for this awards, but I do know this  — Black  Panther is a great work of art!

    Thanks, Mr Boseman, for T’Challa, for Black Panther,  along with all the others who worked on the show!

    ETA. Thanks Ruemara, for your essay! It too is memorable for this very white person!

  52. 52.

    cckids

    Thank you, Rumara, for this. Your writing is lovely; evocative and so meaningful. All of us will miss the King.

  53. 53.

    Julia

    I know this is a dead thread, but was catching up on my reading and found this. Beautifully written and moving, Ruemara! It deserves an audience beyond what this top 10,000 site can give it.

  54. 54.

    cain

    A great post, Ruemara. Thanks for this.

    Growing up, we didn’t really have indian superheroes – we had to adopt to the white ones. One day, I hope we’ll see one that us Asians can relate with – our super heroes were Shah Rukh Khan, Amitabh Bachchan, Rajnikanth – and of course Bruce Lee, Chow Yun Fat, Jackie Chan etc.

    But now we can adapt the black ones too :) RIP Chadwick – you were amazing. Deeply saddened by the tragedy. Fuck this year, fuck cancer.

  56. 56.

    narya

    I wanted to come back and thank you a second time, Rue; I’ve been thinking about this since I woke up this morning and read it. “This dream of an unconquered Africa. This dream of people who never knew slavery, degradation or abuse. A land where a known past melded with an advanced future. Women of beauty, strength & intellect in positions of power.” This. The embodied past (and present) can’t help but create false consciousness, particularly when that past and present is a constant stream of messages of less-than. To imagine what might be possible without that particular stream of messages deeply embedded in everything around one.

  57. 57.

    Emma from FL

    Adding my thanks to everyone else’s. All I could do was cry last night. You explained what Black Panther meant to you so beautifully, but you also showed us what he means to the world at large.

  59. 59.

    la caterina

    Thank you for this, Ruemara.  Along with the sadness, I’m left to ponder all that Chadwick Boseman did as an artist and a humanitarian in the short time he was here.  One of your last sentences is going on my wall so that I won’t forget: take your most precious gifts and make sure they go to the people who need them.

  60. 60.

    Aimai

    I stopped posting here because for a long time the system wouldn’t remember me. I stop by every day though and when I read your piece, ruemara, I had to comment to let you know how powerfully it spoke to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience—your joy and your grief. I will be reflecting on this post for a long time to come.

  61. 61.

    karen marie

    This is so sad and beautiful and inspiring.

    Thank you, Chadwick Boseman. And thank you, ruemara.

  62. 62.

    Zelma

    Lovely essay. So powerful.

    I don’t do super hero movies but I saw “42” and loved it. He was clearly a rare talent. What a loss.

  63. 63.

    MoCA Ace

    Thank you ruemara.  As a straight white male raised in the heart of Dump country I often reflect on the fact that, if not for my love of the environment and liberal education pursuing that path, I may have ended up living the same stunted existence I see in most of my peers.  While I strive to understand, and I try to see the world through the perspective of people of color, I know I never really can.  Your essay has done more to open my eyes than anything I can remember reading.  You have moved me to tears.

  64. 64.

    CaseyL

    Ruemara – thank you. Searing, wonderful writing. How it feels to be an alien everywhere, every day, so deeply that even your unconscious, your dreams, are built around that framework.

    This essay deserves the widest possible audience.

  65. 65.

    banditqueen

    Rue, this is just so real–Chadwick, your essay, this place to mourn–and celebrate–what Black Panther has done–for you, me, everyone.

  66. 66.

    Debg

    Beautiful post, ruemara. I was already crying over Boseman’s death and now I’m sobbing. Sad tears because we’ve lost such an incredible man. Happy tears because he not only made his own dreams come true; he made others’ dreams come true.

  67. 67.

    Brooklyn Dodger

    Bookmarked this post for emergency inspiration of which I am needing a continuous supply. Just beautiful. Thank you.

  68. 68.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    Thanks for sharing that story.

    I had a similar flash of understanding. There’s a (*great*!) musician, SJ Tucker, who wrote a trio of songs where Peter Pan’s Wendy is offered a chance to join the pirates.

    In the original story, she’s a good, proper, British young lady, and wouldn’t be a pirate, even if the alternative was being killed.

    In this story of songs, she calls out Hook, and says that she’ll join his crew – on the condition that they *both* play their roles fairly, and without trying to plot. To no one’s surprise, eventually Hook’s nature wins out, he cheats, and therefore loses.
    Link to YouTube if you want to hear the songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVChxIU7crU

    Now, that trio of songs generated some big fans who formed the Lost Girls Pirate Academy. You could see them at concerts from time to time.

    It always struck me as, “okay, I mean, if that makes you happy, do it, I just don’t see the point, for *me*.”

    Then Stan Lee died. And people talked about playing superhero games as children – LARP before there was LARP :-). And suddenly something hit me.

    My life was filled with comic book heroes. What if, every time I wanted to play superhero games, I had to play with the girls, and I couldn’t be Thor, or Spider-Woman or Phoenix or Super-Woman – no, but I could be the spin-off character, created to have *some* cross-gender appeal, since, sure, *some* boys like comic book superheroes, but it’s a *girls* who are the real consumers! So I could be a sidekick, or a minor character, but the *real* heroics were all done by the girls.

    In that hypothetical alternate timeline, one thing is absolutely certain: my life would be extremely different, and probably worse, and more hurtful. In my 20s, I’d get laughed out of a convention because “boys don’t really *like* superhero stories, they just like the fluffy or popular stories; I bet you don’t even know (relatively well known comic book fact)!”; I’d advocate for geeky male heroes who aren’t pure-D beefcake, always posing in ways women think of as sexy, and they’d explain that such characters would *never* make it in the market place.

    Thinking about this suddenly made the Lost Girls’ Pirate Academy seem… well, like a celebration of of entering a forbidden dreamscape that I’d longed to enter. If, instead of Peter Pan’s Wendy going on a pirate adventure, it had been Peter Parker who’d *finally* become a superhero, stepping out into the limelight, and away from the “real” superhero, Spider-Woman, I could see joining Peter Parker’s Superhero Academy.

    I don’t pretend I understand how sexism and racism affect young dreamers – but this really opened my eyes to how it *must* matter, and how it could easily have profound effects. If I wouldn’t want to live in a world where only (probably white) *GIRLS* can be superheros, or pirates, or whatever, then I damn well ought make sure it’s not tilted the other way. Because everyone deserves to have some pleasant dreamscapes to play in.

  69. 69.

    ruemara

    Thanks all. I’m very glad you enjoyed this piece. I just really needed to put my feelings into some words.

  70. 70.

    WaterGirl

    ruemara, this really is beautiful.

    So many of ruemara’s posts are lovely so I will take a minute to remind you that you can find all of ruemara’s posts at any time by clicking on View by Author under Balloon Juice Posts in the sidebar.

  71. 71.

    smike

    ruemara, I admit to thinking, “Didn’t we have have one of these posts?” when first clicking on this. But I kept reading and realized that, no, we didn’t. Thank you.

  72. 72.

    (((CassandraLeo)))

    I’m barely around these days – following the news so closely these days has been so terrible for my mental health in quarantine that I’ve decided to cut back my consumption of news a lot. But I wanted to say thank you for this piece. It’s really something. It’s difficult to overstate what a staggering loss this is.

    Cēterum cēnseō factiōnem Rēpūblicānam esse dēlendam.

  73. 73.

    Kayla Rudbek

    Oh, my heart. This is what SF and fantasy and Story in general should be all about — everybody getting a place at the table, everyone getting to tell their stories and being heard and seen.

  74. 74.

    Emperor of Ice Cream

    I know I’m late to this thread but just wanted to tell you how beautifully written this is. Wow. I wept. Thank you.

  75. 75.

    apocalipstick

    I’m an old white guy, so I will not comment on Boseman’s larger impact. I will make three observations as a fan of film:

    1. Lord, did every frame of Black Panther shine with the effort and care of the crew.

    2. It is so sad that Boseman has passed just as he was reaching the point in his career when he could have real influence on his projects.

    3. The man was a star. In a movie like Da 5 Bloods, which is stuffed full of excellent actors, whenever Norman is onscreen, your eyes drift to Boseman, whether it’s his scene or not.

    It’s so disheartening.

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