THE BOOK OF TRUMP
1 Now it came to pass in those days that Donald of the Tribe of Trump did seek his father’s favour.
2 And with his father, he mocked his elder brother, Frederick the Younger; and with his father, he did visit the residents of the Apartments which his father Frederick had builded; and he did collect from them the portion called rent. 3 And all these things he did to secure the love and blessing of his father.
4 And his father Frederick smiled upon his son, who was called Donald, and unto his son he gave much gold; but gave him not the love that Donald sought of him.
5 Therefore, Donald journeyed to the remote land of Manhattan, to seek great wealth and fame among men; and lo, he caused his name to be emblazoned upon buildings, and many beauteous women sought his company; but because he had not the love of his father Frederick, he never found contentment.
6 And Donald built himself a building which scraped the sky, for it was a tower; and his own tribal name he placed upon it in great letters of gold, for all men to gaze upon in wonder; and for many years he dwelt within this building.
7 Now in those days there was a woman from a foreign land named Ivana; and her hair was golden in colour; and Donald of the Tribe of Trump did lust upon her, and made her his wife. 8 And upon her he fathered children, and their number was three.
9 And the first of the three was a son, and Ivana the wife of Donald said unto him, What now shall we call our boy child, this son?
10 And Donald replied, Wife, do not name him Donald the Younger; for with such a name, if he does wrong or disgraces himself in any wise, he shall bring dishonour upon the Tribe of Trump, 11 and shall disappoint and anger his father and his father’s father, and shall be called Loser.
12 But Ivana, in her confinement, defied her espoused husband and named the babe Donald the Younger; which men know as Uday.
13 And she next brought forth a girl child named Ivana the Younger, called Ivanka; and Donald gazed upon his young daughter, and called her the Golden Child; 14 and he lusted after her in his heart and in his mind and in his body.
15 And the third child he begat upon Ivana was a boy child, that men know as Eric, called Qusay. And Eric was simple in his mind, and devoid of all wisdom; which affliction followed him all the days of his life.
16 Now after a few years had passed, Donald became sore weary of Ivana, and he lusted after women from foreign lands; and from his own land.
17 And it came to pass that Marla of the Tribe of Maples, from the southern regions of his own country, did present herself before Donald; 18 and she said unto him, Give me the best sex I have ever had; and he gave her the best sex she had ever had; and it was good for her and it was good for him; 19 and she said this thing to the scribes and heralds. And the heralds proclaimed these tidings throughout the lands.
20 And Donald performed a divorce upon his wife Ivana, and he lay again with Marla, and she brought forth a girl babe which she named Tiffany, after the merchants of diamonds and golden trinkets; 21 which pitched their tent next to the home of Donald and Marla in the land of Manhattan.
22 And after the girl child Tiffany was born and had attained the age of ten weeks, Donald and Marla were wed, one to another. 23 And behold, the children of Ivana were sore pissed off, and were angered. And in their righteousness, Donald the Younger and Eric said, We will not speak words to our father. 24 But Ivanka said, I will show my father in all ways that I love him and can make him a happy man.
25 Now in those days, the Tribe of Trump grew wealthy, or so men believed; and many were their buildings, and dwelling-places, and splendid palaces, called casinos, where men cast lots; and the name of Trump was fixed upon them.
26 But these buildings and palaces were built not upon rock but upon sand, and vanished; and Donald lost his riches, and his houses, and his boats, and many other things which are too numerous for men to count. And great was the consternation in the House of Trump.
27 And Marla said unto Donald, Behold, I will divorce you, and take our daughter Tiffany, and journey westward to a land of milk and honey, which the ancients called California; and there shall I live; and there shall I raise the daughter whom you have sired upon me.
28 And Donald did thereupon lust after a woman of a foreign tribe, named Melania; and after many days he did wed her; and upon her he begat a son, which he named Barron.
29 And all the wives he had were three in number, named Ivana, Marla, and Melania. And the children he begat upon these wives were numbered five; and five was their number. 30 And they were called Donald the Younger; Ivanka the Golden Child; Eric the Dim; Tiffany the Unplanned; and Barron the Securer of Fortunes.
31 Now while the young babe, named Barron, yet suckled at his mother’s breast, Donald departed from his wife and child, and journeyed throughout the world and unto the corners of his own country; 32 and in these places he lusted after many women, and among these were young girls who were not yet women; and each night he gazed upon them and sought to lie with them, the women and the girls alike.
33 And some of the women said unto him, You may lie with me as you please, but first you must give me gold, for it is burdensome to be in your bed; 34 and they said, If you shall beget upon me a child, whether boy child or girl child, you must pay me gold, that I may ensure that the child be not born. 35 And he spake these same words unto his manservant, Michael of the House of Cohen; and it was done, and he paid them gold.
36 But other women said unto Donald, Nay, though you desire me you shall never lie with me, nor press close to my body; for my body is mine own, and I alone shall say who may lie with me and who shall not lie with me.
37 But he heeded them not, and replied unto them, I have the right and you will let me do it; and the women wailed and gnashed their teeth and beat upon him with their fists; but he subdued them and forced himself upon their bodies, and lay with them. 38 And many were the girl children and women that he took in this way.
39 And in this wise the curse of Trump was visited upon the land, although the people in their blindness did not know this.
40 And Donald of the Tribe of Trump brought forth many scrolls about his own life, although he laboured not; he wrote them not, neither did he create them; but he gave small coin to various scribes to write and tell his story in a pleasing manner, which was flattering to him.
41 And to all the people in the land, he falsely showed himself as a great and powerful man of business; and many were those who foolishly apprenticed themselves unto him.
42 Now some of the people had scales upon their eyes, and believed in his greatness and power; but others of the people said, This man is a false prophet, and tells not the truth; 43 and the country was cleft in twain, those who believed and those who believed not.
44 And lo, upon the people of the country and of the world, the Dark Times began; and there were loud rejoicings from some, crying MAGA, MAGA with their voices; and noisy lamentations from the others, who donned pink headgear and marched through the streets in great number; 45 and terrible were the years that followed in that land.
Here endeth Chapter Two.
Chapters recorded by SiubhanDuinne.