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You are here: Home / Guest Posts / The Book of Trump: Chapter Five

The Book of Trump: Chapter Five

by WaterGirl|  September 4, 20208:00 pm| 51 Comments

This post is in: 2020 Elections, Biden-Harris 2020, Guest Posts, The Book of Trump

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The Book of Trump: Chapter Three

THE BOOK OF TRUMP

Chapter Five

1 Cometh one to challenge Donald, and wrest power from him, according to the will and the deciding of the people.

2 And the name of the challenger is Joseph, and he is a man of decency and goodness; and his advisor is a strong woman named Kamala; their story is yet untold, and will remain so until the sound of the last trump.

Here endeth the beginning of Chapter Five.

Chapters recorded by SiubhanDuinne.

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Reader Interactions

51Comments

  1. 1.

    Baud

    September 4, 2020 at 8:12 pm

    Hallelujah!

  2. 2.

    Jerzy Russian

    September 4, 2020 at 8:14 pm

    Let’s hope that Joseph kicketh Donald of the Trump’s ass on the day of the great deciding.

  3. 3.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 4, 2020 at 8:18 pm

    I’m thinking that I might update Chapter Five perhaps once a week or so during the course of the campaign — depending on whatever news is dominating (and, of course, with WG’s okay, as I haven’t suggested it to her yet). Not a firm commitment, just a thought I’m toying with.

  4. 4.

    Calouste

    September 4, 2020 at 8:22 pm

    the sound of the last trump.

    In British slang, trump means fart.

  5. 5.

    karensky

    September 4, 2020 at 8:22 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:  Great idea.

  6. 6.

    Danielx

    September 4, 2020 at 8:23 pm

    Can I get a witness!

  7. 7.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 4, 2020 at 8:24 pm

    @Calouste:

    What did you think I meant?  ?

  8. 8.

    japa21

    September 4, 2020 at 8:27 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:  If WG were to say no, she would be booted from this blog. I say that with all affection for WG, but there are lines not to be crossed.

  9. 9.

    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice

    September 4, 2020 at 8:27 pm

    @Calouste:

    In British slang, trump means fart.

    That’s hilarious – and reminds me, so does petard. Let the hoisting begin!!! (As long as we’re upwind.)

    ETA: Well done, SD! I have enjoyed these more than almost anything else in these Trump-tainted times.

  10. 10.

    Ken

    September 4, 2020 at 8:33 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Ah, I see. I was wondering if the chapter was one of the more damaged Dead Sea Scrolls, and this was all that could be recovered.

  11. 11.

    WaterGirl

    September 4, 2020 at 8:33 pm

    For the record, I am completely on board with Chapter Five, The Updating.

  12. 12.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 4, 2020 at 8:40 pm

    @WaterGirl:

    Glad to hear it. Apologies for springing this on you mid-thread.

  13. 13.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 4, 2020 at 8:43 pm

    @Ken:

    Well, 2,000 years of salt water stains and smears of goat dung made it a bit difficult to read….

  14. 14.

    Uncle Omar

    September 4, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    Does anyone have access to or knowledge of somewhere I can get bumper stickers in dark blue with white lettering that say “Another Chump for” which can be placed (in the dead of night) on Trump yard signs?

  15. 15.

    SiubhanDuinne

    September 4, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    so does petard

    Did not know that! Great information. (I seem to recall, though haven’t trrrroubled myself to look it up, that in French a fart is un pet. Etymological connection?)

  16. 16.

    Jeffro

    September 4, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    @Jerzy Russian: AY

    MEN!

  17. 17.

    zhena gogolia

    September 4, 2020 at 9:00 pm

    Watching the TAMI show. Hey, the Beach Boys were good!

  18. 18.

    zhena gogolia

    September 4, 2020 at 9:01 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Sounds great.

  19. 19.

    WaterGirl

    September 4, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: No worries!  I probably would have said something like “we’ll have to get SD to update Chapter Five as we go along” without checking with you first, so we’re probably even. :-j

  20. 20.

    oatler.

    September 4, 2020 at 9:24 pm

    Cor what a pong!

  21. 21.

    Jeffro

    September 4, 2020 at 9:32 pm

    One of trumpov’s lil’ minions is whining on the twitters about how there’s just. no. way. Biden’s team could have turned around a rapid response ad to trumpov(‘s lies) so quickly today…

    …and the Biden guy in charge of rapid response is like, “Um, that’s what we get paid to do?  Try to keep up!”

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL

    Biden guy also said, “Hire Gen Z!” and whew I have to agree.  The Millenials and Gen Z and iGen and whatever can have the reins whenever as far as I’m concerned.

  22. 22.

    Frankensteinbeck

    September 4, 2020 at 9:34 pm

    Well, while we’re talking about the Asshole In Chief, he has ordered that the armed forces all have to take his payroll tax deferral and repay it in January.  It’s straight-up an extortion threat.

  23. 23.

    zhena gogolia

    September 4, 2020 at 9:40 pm

    It is funny how lame the Stones look coming after James Brown.

  24. 24.

    Laura Too

    September 4, 2020 at 9:41 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Oh yes please!!! Updates would give me something to look forward to! I was so sad thinking this was the last installment, You are an amazing writer.

  25. 25.

    Wapiti

    September 4, 2020 at 9:52 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck: I guess I need to check if they’re pulling that on military retirees. If they do, I’ll have to make sure I bank it for the January bill.

  26. 26.

    Ilieitz

    September 4, 2020 at 9:52 pm

    OT previous thread

     

    Trump is shitting on everyone who tried to be of service to our country. Be it in the military but those of us in the Peace Corps, Vista Americorps etc. So fuck  Trump and all his stupidity

  27. 27.

    opiejeanne

    September 4, 2020 at 10:02 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: I love your use of “the last trump”, and I was sure you were referring to the Biblical use of the phrase.

    I tried to use it on twitter recently, but wasn’t satisfied with my attempt so I dropped it.

  28. 28.

    Regine Touchon

    September 4, 2020 at 10:04 pm

    @WaterGirl: hey how about printing this up and some of us artists can provide illustrations. We can bind it up and sell it . Where should the proceeds go? And yes I vote yes on The Updating.

  29. 29.

    WaterGirl

    September 4, 2020 at 10:05 pm

    @Wapiti: Anyone can update their W-4 and have an exact dollar amount withheld in addition to what is taken out automatically. Contact the appropriate person for your organization and fill out the  form.

  30. 30.

    WaterGirl

    September 4, 2020 at 10:07 pm

    @Regine Touchon: I have thought of that, too. But that’s totally SD’s call.

  31. 31.

    Regine Touchon

    September 4, 2020 at 10:09 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Yes please!

  32. 32.

    trollhattan

    September 4, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    @Regine Touchon: 
    Hell to the yes on this idea! Make it so.

    Our Kevin Bacon degrees to Covid are now 1, as my spouse’s dear cousin has been battling it three weeks now. Her cough, thought to be from wildfire smoke. She’s riding it out at home, so fingers and toes crossed. Luckily spouse and cousin haven’t been around one another for four weeks (whew).

  33. 33.

    SWMBO

    September 4, 2020 at 10:13 pm

    @WaterGirl: I would suggest DougJ’s parceling of the funds. It would be poetic and just if The Book of Trump helped finance his undoing.

    or she could just keep the funds herself.

    or throw it to The Blogfather to offset advert costs.

  34. 34.

    opiejeanne

    September 4, 2020 at 10:17 pm

    @Frankensteinbeck: Wait, can he force this? He keeps threatening us with various things that it turns out that he doesn’t have the power to do.

  35. 35.

    SWMBO

    September 4, 2020 at 10:22 pm

    @trollhattan: Our degrees of TrumpCovid are 1 too. A friend of ours has been in hospital for over a month. He has been moved from ICU to a local rehab that has one wing of nothing but COVID19 patients. He is just beginning to sit in a chair without his O2 levels dropping. He still has to sleep with a bipap (non invasive vent) or his O2 levels drop.  It looks like he’s going to have several more weeks before he can go home. The good news is his sister moved into his house to quarantine herself and she is taking care of his Great Dane.

  36. 36.

    prostratedragon

    September 4, 2020 at 10:36 pm

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: We are truly living in a time of convergence. From a commentary at indrasmusings, “The Trumpeting Asshole”:

    To find an image of a trumpeting asshole in a religious medieval manuscript (see image) is as strange as finding it in Dante’s Divine Comedy. And yet, there we have it. The last line of canto XXI goes ‘and he had made a trumpet of his asshole’ (Inf XXI, v139 ‘ed elli avea del cul fatto trombetta’. It refers to the leader of the demons, Malacoda, who farts to alert his army of devils to depart. The answer him by making a farting sound, pressing their tongue between their teeth. As in previous canto’s we again encounter the topsy-turvy logic of inferno. Commands are not given orally but rectally. The trumpeting is not that of heavenly angels but of demonic asses.

  37. 37.

    MoxieM

    September 4, 2020 at 10:41 pm

    @SiubhanDuinne: Yes!  have come to so look forward to this. It’s lovely. thx.

  38. 38.

    persistentillusion

    September 4, 2020 at 10:43 pm

    @Uncle Omar: Sign me up too, pun intended.

  39. 39.

    MoxieM

    September 4, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    @prostratedragon: And there’s always the “butt song” in Hieronymus Bosch, Garden of Earthly Delights

  40. 40.

    cain

    September 4, 2020 at 10:51 pm

    Joseph is infused with the wisdom of solomon, the strength of hercules, the power of atlas, the leadership of zeus, and thick skin of  achilles and the quick thinking of mercury !

  41. 41.

    SWMBO

    September 4, 2020 at 10:53 pm

    @Uncle Omar: Google custom bumper stickers. Turns out there are lots of them.

  42. 42.

    prostratedragon

    September 4, 2020 at 11:09 pm

    @MoxieM:  Oh thank you! I never heard this before, and being a very low-level art history hack, have not studied many of the fine details of Bosch’s epic. I must do so as soon as possible!

  43. 43.

    Jess

    September 5, 2020 at 12:41 am

    @prostratedragon: That Bosch painting is full of sexual visual puns. A bird is vogel in Dutch, also slang for penis, and vogelen (birds) = fucking. Mouse is vulva, fish is penis. Strawberries (and oysters, of course) are aphrodisiacs. Etc.

  44. 44.

    Jay

    September 5, 2020 at 12:42 am

    KKKops murdered Michael Forrest Reinoehel today,

    The victim, Aaron “Jay” Danielson, was there with Patriot Prayer, a notoriously violent rightwing group founded by Joey Gibson, a close friend of his. Their primary purpose, supposedly, is securing “free speech” for conservatives in liberal areas of the country, which they already have. They fight for this by trawling the Pacific Northwest attempting to pick fights with antifa activists. One associate of the group is currently serving a life sentence for fatally stabbing two people and injuring a third on a Portland train after those people asked him to stop screaming racial slurs at two black teenage girls. He remains convinced he did nothing wrong, as he believes those people were attempting to infringe on his “free speech rights.” Ian Kramer, a member of the group, beat a woman so badly that he broke her vertebrae after the group decided to go to a bar where antifa activists hung out in order to harass them.

    They are, however, beloved by the police in Portland. As reported by the Daily Beast in February of 2019, Gibson maintained a close relationship with police Lt. Jeff Niiya, who kept him apprised of what antifa activists were doing and gave him advice on avoiding arrest.

    Rest in power.

  45. 45.

    Jess

    September 5, 2020 at 1:12 am

    @Jay: From the accounts I’ve read, they were both violent men looking for trouble. Have you heard otherwise?

  46. 46.

    mrmoshpotato

    September 5, 2020 at 1:47 am

    Re: Mask holsters in Cole’s Twitter

    How many of these idiots will try to claim Dick Cheney shot them in the face when the inevitable happens?

  47. 47.

    JPL

    September 5, 2020 at 6:32 am

    @SiubhanDuinne:  Updates are always welcome.

  48. 48.

    Jay

    September 5, 2020 at 8:10 am

    @Jess:

    one, was a child, steeped in Facist ideology, taken peacefully  alive ,

    the other, a community defence adult with a troubled past, ( thus community defence), gunned down.

  49. 49.

    Jay

    September 5, 2020 at 8:26 am

    @Jess:

    This still reads like an execution. pic.twitter.com/ykgOMF01L7— Zakir Khan (@Muzzakh) September 5, 2020

  50. 50.

    Gvg

    September 5, 2020 at 8:47 am

    The police should take accused alive to stand trial not be executioners. It reflects badly on the police that they couldn’t take the accuse alive. It makes me wonder what they didn’t want him saying. There should be N investigation of the botched arrest execution.

  51. 51.

    J R in WV

    September 5, 2020 at 10:27 am

    @Uncle Omar:

    Does anyone have access to or knowledge of somewhere I can get bumper stickers in dark blue with white lettering that say “Another Chump for” which can be placed (in the dead of night) on Trump yard signs?

    Google custom bumper stickers for 40,000,000+ answers.

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