Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

Every decision we make has lots of baggage with it, known or unknown.

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

“woke” is the new caravan.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” was supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

The National Guard is not Batman.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Fight for a just cause, love your fellow man, live a good life.

“Alexa, change the president.”

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

A norm that restrains only one side really is not a norm – it is a trap.

Trumpflation is an intolerable hardship for every American, and it’s Trump’s fault.

There are some who say that there are too many strawmen arguments on this blog.

Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

I like political parties that aren’t owned by foreign adversaries.

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

You are here: Home / Balloon Juice / Readership Capture / No I’m Not Buying a God Damned Gun Stop Emailing Me

Reader Interactions

62Comments

  1. 1.

    Citizen Alan

    Honestly, I’m seriously considering it. I’m certain there will be violence in November no matter who wins. Just as I’m certain that eventually, I’ll be confronted by some Trumpist pig-person who wants to start something with me because I’m wearing a mask in the grocery store.

  3. 3.

    West of the Cascades

    How about waiting for a Trumpist to keel over from covid and prying his gun out of his cold, dead fingers?

  4. 4.

    Ed Marshall

    I already had a skeet gun so it didn’t make a hell of a lot of difference when I decided that I wanted to buy a more utilitarian shotgut for…hunting. Just in case meat got scarce with the covid when I was doing this April. Yup, hunting. Push that other thought right out of your head.

  5. 5.

    LeftCoastYankee

    I’m going to get a herd of goats, and trick them out with “Antifa” bandanas and mini-cowbells on their necks.

    Also I’m going to vote.  The goats are just for confusion.

  10. 10.

    HumboldtBlue

    I just said I was thinking about it and 99% sure I wouldn’t do it.

    That’s what 40 years of GOP rule have gotten us. I’m not sure arming ourselves isn’t something to consider depending on where you live.

    I have to come up with something because canned tuna is the single greatest crime humanity has committed against good tasting food.

    Therefore I don’t have the optimal missile to deploy against the people Trump claims are victims.

    Who are we supposed to throw the canned goods at again?

  13. 13.

    Inventor

    Exactly how the hell are you going to push him into the willow tree when you put it so far from the house! Didn’t think that one through, did ya?

  14. 14.

    MoeLarryAndJesus

    How far can you throw Steve?

    You might want to practice so you can be prepared. Maybe you can throw him 15 feet. Maybe you can throw him 30 feet. That’s a big difference.

    Either way, poor Steve

  15. 15.

    lgerard

    Just stock up on cans of soup and tuna to throw at people.

    It’s today’s weapon of choice evidently

  20. 20.

    mrmoshpotato

    @lgerard: Ugh. Why do we have the town, no, national, nutjob in the People’s House?

    Oh right! Seventy-eight thousand selfish shithead children hated a massively-qualified woman that much!

  24. 24.

    Sloane Ranger

    I’ll just throw Steve at any invaders and hope they fall into the willow tree.

    I wouldn’t do that if I were you John. He’s likely to hurt you more than the invaders and think of the months/years of revenge he’ll take.

  26. 26.

    Amir Khalid

    It’s good that you’re not going to get a firearm after all, but given your alternative you might want to look into martial-arts training for Steve.

  28. 28.

    Amir Khalid

    While I’m here, I’ll just repost this from downstairs:

    It is now 23rd September, and I wish Bruce Springsteen a happy 71st birthday.

  29. 29.

    HumboldtBlue

    @Amir Khalid:

    As the Reds mount another campaighn this isn’t going away.

    The records show that five global banks — JPMorgan, HSBC, Standard Chartered Bank, Deutsche Bank and Bank of New York Mellon — kept profiting from powerful and dangerous players even after U.S. authorities fined these financial institutions for earlier failures to stem flows of dirty money.

  33. 33.

    Amir Khalid

    @HumboldtBlue:

    This will be a difficult time for any club to renounce a major sponsor. I don’t think Liverpool would do it unless there was a big push from its major supporters groups e.g. Spirit of Shankly.

  35. 35.

    Amir Khalid

    A clever sports headline on The Guardian‘s back page:

    Spencer gets Bath out of hot water against Gloucester

  38. 38.

    Viva BrisVegas

    @HumboldtBlue:  The multinational banks are the biggest organised crime syndicates on the planet.

    They’ve bought political protection in every country in which they operate. They only ever get caught out when their greed and incompetence overwhelms their protection. Even then it’s only ever a slap on the wrist.

    Trump, Putin and his oligarchs, Wilbur Ross, the son of conveniently retired Justice Kennedy, Jeffrey Epstein, etc all linked through Deutsche bank, funder of Auschwitz.

  42. 42.

    bjacques

    Back in my NASA days, late 1980s, a co-worker sang for a New Wave band called Kitty Projectiles. They put out a 7” EP. I have it. The Internet does not, alas.

  45. 45.

    satby

    This is what 40 years of refusal to fund studies showing the outcomes of personal gun ownership have brought us. Before the GOPofTraitors passed laws to defund those kinds of studies all of them were showing that a gun in the house made it more, not less dangerous for the family. Suicide, family members killing each other when a argument while drinking got out if hand, the three year old shooting the four year old when they found a loaded gun in a nightstand, etc. I grew up knowing that, because my dad was on the homicide squad for most of his time as a detective. And the stress contributed to his own death at age 56.

  46. 46.

    Gvg

    Years ago I decided to keep a baseball bat under the bed. My solution to noises in the night, because I knew a gun was likely to get used against me. I have also considered how many things in the house could be weapons. I have a 3 foot iron pry bar which I consider to be a back up weapon. The garage is just full if things…

    In the 70’s when crime rates were actually high, we were burglarized several times, and they stole my father’s gun that he inherited from my grandfather. It was his WWII sidearm, so dad was pretty upset. Guns are cash for crooks. And people who think crime rates are going up are idiots.

  48. 48.

    Matt McIrvin

    I’m increasingly convinced we may need an army of rebellion. But a bunch of individuals with boundless rage at the shits in power and handguns in their sock drawers isn’t exactly an army of rebellion; they’re probably more a menace to themselves than anything else.

    I don’t know what we do, after Trump’s handpicked hack SCOTUS overturns his election loss and declares the US a one-party dictatorship. It’s coming and I don’t know what to do.

  49. 49.

    A Ghost to Most

    It’s about fucking time that toxic positivity ran its course here. Cold (Cole?) eyed realism is called for.

  52. 52.

    debbie

    @MomSense:

    After someone tried to enter my NYC apartment from the fire escape (while I was there), I bought the biggest baseball bat I could find. A friend took a look at it, suggested I wouldn’t be able to get a full swing since it was so heavy, and recommended an aluminum bat. I went with a steak knife under my pillow.

  53. 53.

    JoyceH

    @Matt McIrvin: armies of rebellion have never overthrown dictatorships. And weapons aren’t needed. Recall that after over half a century of American chest thumping and saber rattling, the Soviet Union was not overthrown by the most heavily armed and technologically advanced nation in history, but by the unarmed citizens of Moscow.

  56. 56.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @Gvg:

    Years ago I decided to keep a baseball bat under the bed. My solution to noises in the night, because I knew a gun was likely to get used against me.

    Ex-GF (actual GF in the long-ago) did the same. She worked out enough (black-belt jiu jitsu among other things) that in her hands it was a lethal weapon. Def stayed on her good side (i.e., the one between her & the lumber) when I spent the night…;^D

    In the 70’s when crime rates were actually high, we were burglarized several times, and they stole my father’s gun that he inherited from my grandfather. It was his WWII sidearm, so dad was pretty upset. Guns are cash for crooks.

    I once considered getting a handgun for “home defense” – living alone nixed internal violence – & went so far as target-shooting with some gunnut friends. I concluded that either potential burglars knew I had it or didn’t. If they didn’t know beforehand, understanding would dawn only as they were being ventilated, and I wouldn’t want that on my conscience. (Besides, you ever try to get blood out of a Turkish carpet?)

    If they did know, then if I left it home when going out, that gun would immediately put me at risk of burglary – worth more to the crooks than anything else in my home. And if I took it with me I’d have to stay eternally watchful that I didn’t get mugged for it.

    Friend suggested I buy a shotgun with the shortest barrel allowed by law & keep it by the bed: Fairly easy to handle, marksmanship training not required, & too bulky to be a mugger’s moneymaker. Often the mere sound of a shotgun being pumped somewhere out of sight will induce thieves to vacate the premises. If you’re squeamish, load it with salt shot to inflict a world of hurt at short range without much risk of killing – it’s always convertible to a lethal load if&when insurrection looms

  58. 58.

    Beth

    @Matt McIrvin: Oddly, found that becoming a mother increased my dangerousness factor.

    I am now fully capable of killing in protection of others, despite being a Buddhist, knowing karma is real, etc, etc, etc. It is an automatic response, an amped-up fight/flight.

    It was a total surprise, but nature’s funny like that.

  61. 61.

    Bill Arnold

    @cain: 
    A short piece of 1/2″ rebar (Home Depot, Lowes, etc) is a very cheap makeshift club, and will break (or painfully hurt) bones that it hits even with a wimpy swing. (1/4 inch will bend easily but is lighter. Longer lengths take more time to swing.)

  62. 62.

    Medicine Man

    @John Cole – How was Wasteland 3 anyhow? I haven’t played an entry in the series since the old C64 version.

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