Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Let’s finish the job.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

“woke” is the new caravan.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

This fight is for everything.

Second rate reporter says what?

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

Come on, man.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Take your GOP plan out of the witness protection program.

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Reader Interactions

165Comments

  1. 1.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    is wet-brain one of the complicating co-morbidities? and will he join Chris Christie a private-citizen presidential crony who gets favored medical treatment?

  3. 3.

    ThresherK

    Trump’s circle is now basically the end of On The Beach: Everyone there was going to die of cobalt poisoning eventually.

    The only question is, who in Trump’s circle will die?

  4. 4.

    mrmoshpotato

    Like counting how many Rethuglican Senators voted to remove Dump, it’s going to be faster to count who doesn’t have COVID-19 in the Rethuglican party.

    Also, Kate McKinnon is a national treasure.

  7. 7.

    Hildebrand

    I apologize in advance – and there is no tactful way to say this – but someone in the Trump orbit, far closer than Herman Cain, needs to die of an unambiguous case of Covid before they even come close to taking this seriously.

    I know, I know, they are almost out of office, but they still have plenty of time for a ‘holy shit this is real’ moment that might actually steer some of the maga hordes to better behavior.

  8. 8.

    dr. bloor

    The CDC will have to add “cutting the cheese during testimony” to the symptom list.

    ETA: There are no “close” relationships in the Trump orbit.  It’s a web of transactional, uneasy alliances, and no one in the circle will take it seriously unless they get it themselves.

  9. 9.

    dmsilev

    @Hildebrand: Trump would only take it seriously if one of his kids died of it. And, by “one of his kids”, I really mean “Ivanka” since she’s the only one he seems to vaguely care about. And even then, it’s a maybe.

  10. 10.

    Ruckus

    My better side says damn.

    My normal side says who could have fucking guessed that an idiot who refuses to mask up, who has lost all his very tiny marbles, and who has aged into an even bigger idiot than he’s been for decades would catch a rather nasty, very communicable disease that EVERYONE is thinking/talking about, which his boss/even bigger asshole idiot than he is ignoring because it doesn’t do anything for him, and has killed more people in less than one year that the Vietnam fucking War did in 8 yrs, would be this fucking stupid? I’m guessing anyone with more sense than a pound of playdough, which neither he nor his boss have. Combined.

  14. 14.

    dmsilev

    So, I guess that’s it for surreal press conferences at landscaping warehouses in between dildo shops and crematoria? At least for the next couple of weeks, anyway.

  15. 15.

    Another Scott

    I’m surprised it took this long.  I figured it was going to be announced a day or few after his face melting incident (on 11/19).

    :-/

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  16. 16.

    Shalimar

    He never wears a mask, and has been in close contact with dozens of people who have been contagious.   I’m surprised it took this long.

  20. 20.

    Ruckus

    @dmsilev:

    You think shitforbrains is going to find another moron of this level to assist him in being the biggest asshole on the planet within the next 45 days?

  21. 21.

    Amir Khalid

    I saw Trump’s tweet about it. I don’t know if Rudy Nosferatu is indeed NYC’s greatest mayor evah, like Trump says, but I suspect not.

  23. 23.

    Delk

    Stop your fooling around
    Time you straighten right out
    Better think of your future
    Else you’ll wind up in jail

  26. 26.

    Ruckus

    @Hungry Joe:

    Your father seems like a nice, smart guy.

    I’m sorry that I have to assume that used to be puts him in the same category as mine, past tense, and hope that he had a long, happy and smart life.

  31. 31.

    West of the Rockies

    Oh, no.   This means everyone who was near Rudy is now threa-end with the virus.  Did someone do something crazy with it?  (Raises eyebrows scornfully.)

  34. 34.

    sixthdoctor

    @tom: I laughed out loud as well.

    Still not as bad as when I read about Rush Limbaugh’s cancer diagnosis: my arms shot up as if my team just scored a touchdown, and then I quickly lowered them and looked around to see if anyone in my office saw me.

    I’m willing to admit I may not be the best person.

  35. 35.

    JustRuss

    @Ruckus:  and has killed more people in less than one year that the Vietnam fucking War did in 8 yrs,

    Has killed more Americans than the Vietnam war.  About 2 million Vietnamese lost their lives in the war, the ‘rona’s not quite there yet.  I’m sure it wasn’t your intention to ignore the Vietnamese casualties of the war, but I think it’s important that we do not.

  37. 37.

    dmsilev

    @Amir Khalid: Your suspicion would be correct. Rudy gets credit for two things, neither of which he deserves. The first is the decrease in crime, a trend which had already started when he took office and was more driven by national effects than anything he did in office. The second was “strong leader on 9/11”, which was entirely a PR creation and glided over the inconvenient fact that the city’s emergency response HQ was unavailable since Rudy forced it to move into the World Trade Center so that it would be convenient for him to use for trysts with his mistress at the time.

  38. 38.

    MJS

    I personally don’t care if Rudy lives or dies, but this should at least mean that we won’t be subject to any nonsense “hearings” with Rudy flatulating his way through “testimony”. Or at least it would in a sane universe.

  42. 42.

    germy

    Reminder: Rudy Giuliani, who has COVID, traveled to states including Michigan and Georgia last week and met indoors with state legislators. Videos of the appearances showed Giuliani was not wearing a mask during the meetings. https://t.co/N4JF7Ouseg

    — Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) December 6, 2020

  43. 43.

    Ruckus

    @JustRuss:

    You are absolutely correct. My error.

    Never forget how many people die in fucking war, friends or enemies. War is hell, and if you want to know why, count the bodies and don’t forget that a lot of the survivors will never be 100% physically or mentally ever again so the number is a lot higher than just the body count.

    I see some of them every time I go to the VA hospital.

  45. 45.

    bcw

    My first reaction was “the source is Trump, how do we know it’s true? Have any of these news sites checked with Giuliani?”     Given his recent flatulent court appearance the response really needs to be updated to “toots and prayers.”  … But really can you image being the lawyer next to him infected because Giuliani farted next to you?

  53. 53.

    AnotherBruce

    I wish these clowns would stop pushing my empathy meter.

    Na they broke that sucker 4 years ago. Go Covid!

  55. 55.

    JoyceH

    What gets me is that on Twitter I’m seeing these dark mutterings that there’s something mighty fishy about the fact that so many more Republicans than Democrats are getting COVID. So… rather than concluding that masks actually WORK, the implication is, what exactly? That some sci-fi supervillain has cleverly engineered a virus that can distinguish a person’s POLITICAL PARTY?

  56. 56.

    Jay

    any history of COVID-19 in the US should really start off with an anecdote about how the chernobyl miniseries came out in 2019 and there was immediately a conclave of pundits smugly declaring that we would never respond to a disaster with such epic and malicious mismanagement— smack barm moon wet ? (@small_jawn) December 2, 2020

  57. 57.

    Amir Khalid

    @MJS:

    I personally don’t care if Rudy lives or dies,

    I care. I want Rudy to live. He still owes us a shitload of hilarious bad-lawyer comedy.

  58. 58.

    Hungry Joe

    @Ruckus: He had a pretty long life. Died of ALS, but was generally healthy almost till the end. He liked the old saying “I’d vote for a yellow dog before I’d vote for a Republican.” He especially liked saying it to our yellow dog. But he once confessed to voting for a Republican — a guy he knew from school was running for judge — and we never let him forget it.

  61. 61.

    Sm*t Cl*de

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    will he join Chris Christie a private-citizen presidential crony who gets favored medical treatment?

    Don’t forget Ben Carson as another one who tongue-bathed Dear Leader for personally intervening to save his live, by providing access to the very best drugs.

    https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/11/20/937170338/ben-carson-says-he-was-desperately-ill-with-the-coronavirus

    This is Trumpworld, where it is natural to them that Emperor Little-Gloves decides who should live and who should die.

  62. 62.

    dmsilev

    @JoyceH: Well, _logically_ if it’s a Democratic hoax clearly Democrats who are part of the conspiracy won’t get sick, because they know it’s a fake, and that only leaves Republicans who get sick because warble garble look a Sasquatch!

  63. 63.

    Gravenstone

    Right on time for a T-giving get together exposure to bear fruit. Of course, since the whole inner circle seems like one giant super spreader event, no telling where exactly he got it.

  69. 69.

    jonas

    @Sm*t Cl*de:  Don’t forget Ben Carson as another one who tongue-bathed Dear Leader for personally intervening to save his live, by providing access to the very best drugs.

    Didn’t Carson claim he was miraculously healed by some shit that MyPillow guy has been pushing?

  70. 70.

    Jay

    @JoyceH:

    it just shows how genetically weak and inbred “Real Murkins(TM)” are that they are dying in hordes from a “fake virus”.

  74. 74.

    chopper

    i’m just amazed he didn’t catch it sooner. either way he’ll get the good-ass medicine and prob pull through and the GOP will point and say “see? it’s not so bad”.

  77. 77.

    chopper

    @jonas:

    carson says he started taking something bullshitty like that, and started improving, then it went south and he got some real treatment.

  79. 79.

    Amir Khalid

    Liverpool just beat visitors Wolverhampton Wanderers 4-0 in the English Premier League. Mo Salah, Gini Wijnaldum, Joel Matip, and Wolves defender Cabral Nelson Semedo all scored for the Reds. Young Liverpool goalkeeper Caoimhín* Kelleher kept a clean sheet on his EPL debut.

    *This Irish first name is pronounced ki-veen or qui-veen, depending on where in Ireland you are.

  84. 84.

    Barry

    @Hildebrand: ”

    I apologize in advance – and there is no tactful way to say this – but someone in the Trump orbit, far closer than Herman Cain, needs to die of an unambiguous case of Covid before they even come close to taking this seriously.

    I know, I know, they are almost out of office, but they still have plenty of time for a ‘holy shit this is real’ moment that might actually steer some of the maga hordes to better behavior.”

    I don’t think so.  They are proven psychopaths.  IMHO, if one dies, the others would think ‘more for me’.

  85. 85.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @Hungry Joe: Naah. My college girlfriend (RIP), who had no’ a drop’ o’ Sco’ish blood, spoke wi’ a glo’al stop & she grew up outside o’ Scran’un, uh, Scranton.

  86. 86.

    Jerzy Russian

    Thoughts and prayers for the COVID-19 virus, which has apparently caught a bad case of Rudy Giuliani.

  87. 87.

    cope

    @Amir Khalid: Thanks for that.  My next stop after here was going to be EPL to check scores.  Now I know.  I refuse to pay for NBC’s streaming service just out of spite and it’s costing me the chance to watch most of the Red’s games.  It’s a matter of principle to me, that and the fact that everything I read about Peacock says it’s a suck-ass platform.  Maybe next season…

  88. 88.

    Jay

    @Barry:

    as SARS-Covid 19 decimates “Real Merkins” in Red States and the barren wastelands, they are starting to believe that it’s “real” and “worse than the flu”.

    sadly, their victimology and Fauxified brain cells lead them deeper into wackaloon CT.

  89. 89.

    Tokyokie

    Ghouliani is a proud denizen of Wingnutland, where widespread voter fraud is real and the Corona virus is a hoax.

  93. 93.

    raven

    Early Sunday morning, the co-owner of Mac’s Public House, a Staten Island bar recently shut down for violating coronavirus restrictions, was arrested and taken into custody after hitting a New York City sheriff’s deputy with his car, according to authorities.

    New York City Sheriff Joseph Fucito said Danny Presti hit an unnamed sheriff’s deputy with his car as he fled the establishment after defying coronavirus restrictions and inviting large, maskless crowds on Saturday night. Officials recently suspended the pub’s liquor license for continuing to serve patrons inside after the area’s high infection rates led the governor to ban indoor dining there. On Tuesday, Presti was arrested for reopening to serve patrons.

     

  94. 94.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @Amir Khalid: Don’t get me started on Gaelic orthography, ye rubber-&-tin spalpeen – I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the Irish prime minister’s title is spelled Taoiseach and pronounced Tea-shock. And I owned a house in Éire for 5 years.

  95. 95.

    Ben Cisco

    Craig Mack has this covered:

    (Rudy) Got that ‘rona in his hair,

    got that ‘rona in his hair

    with dye drippin’ all down his face

    got that ‘rona in his hair

     

    No, as a matter of fact I’m NOT sorry.

  100. 100.

    Ruckus

    @Hungry Joe:

    Thank you. And sorry about your dad. Even if it’s normal as we get to be old geezers ourselves.

    I had a friend die of ALS. He was not healthy till near the end. It was a very long and painful road. Glad your dad’s did not sound near as bad. If my friend was an indication of most, no one should suffer from that. I also dealt with my dad having Alzheimers. He was also different than many with this, he was happy most of the time even if he had no idea who you were and I had spent most of almost 20 yrs alongside him at work, less the years in the navy. He also thought he’d kept a cow at his parents apt in North Hollywood, CA, which I doubt had even seen a cow within the city limits for years before he was born and while his parents had at one time lived in a apt in North Hollywood it was long after he’d been married and had kids. I know, I stayed there for a week with them once as one of those kids.

  101. 101.

    Robert Sneddon

    @Uncle Cosmo: Acksherly it’s pronounced Tea-shoch, no hard ending. The last sound is a voiceless velar fricative like “loch”, “broch” and other similar words.

  102. 102.

    RSA

    We’ve been told by any number of Trump and Giuliani associates that COVID-19 is no worse than the flu. Given that, I think it’s reasonable to say,

    “Get plenty of rest and fluids, Rudy. And remember: 99% survival rate!”

  104. 104.

    J R in WV

    A friend, a registered nurse who plays music next door in the before times, had coronavirus, is recovering well enough to complete her physician assistant clinical while working full time at the same time. Young and very healthy, unlike Rudy and most of the Trumpoid-types.

    Am sorry for the non Trumpoids mask wearers who get it.

  105. 105.

    Ruckus

    @Barry:

    I don’t think so.  They are proven psychopaths.  IMHO, if one dies, the others would think ‘more for me’.

    You have their entire philosophy down in this one sentence.

  106. 106.

    Elizabelle

    Could you hear me laughing, from Virginia, when I just learned that?

    I hope Rudy has an exciting time with that ‘rona.  That’s one way to put a delay to his frivolous, anti-democratic lawsuits.

  107. 107.

    laura

    Shout out to Delk and the pile ons! That was some sweet references to a great song with someone so undeserving of the sound advice to straighten right out.

    Here we all are, doing our collective best to avoid infection while so many Republicans just flaunt their distain for this serious illness and traipse about the country crop dusting with their viral sheddings and flatulence.

  111. 111.

    Viva BrisVegas

    @Amir Khalid: I think what is meant is that the argument between the respective merits of so-called “herd immunity”, i.e. do next to nothing about the virus, and strict lockdowns, i.e. go hard go early, has been settled.

    By the way, while life goes on pretty much as normal here, everybody is still very nervous. There are hundreds of citizens and residents each week returning to Australia and being put into hotel quarantine for 14 days. The trouble is that this quarantine keeps getting breached, so I expect it’s only a matter of time until our luck runs out.

  117. 117.

    Ben Cisco

    @karen marie:

    There is no one whose death would elicit such a reaction.

    There’s the sad part – even the capability to learn from an admittedly non-optimal experience is beyond them.

    They are wholly impervious to facts.

  119. 119.

    Spanky

    I hope Rudy’s stay in hospital is not short, but ends … satisfactorily.

    (“Hope it’s nothing trivial” is excellent, btw.)

  120. 120.

    Pete Downunder

    @Viva BrisVegas:  I agree life is pretty normal here in Queensland which proves the go hard go early strategy. Unfortunately because the US UK and Europe are a complete mess we can’t leave the country and it is proving very hard for over36,000 Aussies stuck overseas to get home. It looks like the vaccine will be the only hope assuming enough people actually take it when available.

  121. 121.

    Ken

    @JustRuss:  @Ruckus: Wikipedia has a list of US military casualties. Covid deaths in the US have passed US combat deaths for every war except WWII, and at current rates will pass that within the week.  There were more new cases in the US yesterday than there were combat deaths in WWII.

    Several wars still have higher total deaths because of non-combat causes including accidents and disease.  Often that was more than the combat deaths.

  123. 123.

    Spanky

    Also too, I thought this would be inevitable, while at the same time harboring a suspicion that he’s faking it so as to make a pardon seem more palatable for folks. But that would then mean that he cares what others think, so … nah.

  125. 125.

    Ruckus

    @Baud:

    So that makes shitforbrains the SS Fucking Freak Show?

    Or would that be the SS Shitforbrains and the SS Fucking Freak Show?

  129. 129.

    NotMax

    Happened to glance at the calendar. December 6 is the perfect day to watch the teleplay The Time Element, in many ways Rod Serling’s pre-Twilight Zone prototype.

    Available on Prime, also a decent video on YouTube.

  130. 130.

    Ruckus

    @Ben Cisco:

    Just trying to keep disasters unique. There might be a question or two on the test –

    “Did one or the other of these two idiots lead in any way to the other one getting anything besides a swift kick in the pants off the ship? And if so can the cost of that be tallied up in any actual way or is the total so high that that the difference is moot?”

  131. 131.

    Suzanne

    @sixthdoctor:

    Still not as bad as when I read about Rush Limbaugh’s cancer diagnosis: my arms shot up as if my team just scored a touchdown, and then I quickly lowered them and looked around to see if anyone in my office saw me.

    I’m willing to admit I may not be the best person.

     

    Come sit by me.

  132. 132.

    Aleta

    I’m going to guess he’s been positive for awhile and didn’t care who he infected as he roamed around spitting on people, shaking hands, sharing mics and wiping his nose.  They saved the announcement for when the schedule was cleared for him to disappear.  Strategery !   Same as they seemed to do with Jr.

    Their ethics-free lives and murderous sociopathy make this seem more likely to me than the idea that they would immediately halt the insane ferris wheel to get Giuliani off it to isolate responsibly.

  134. 134.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @Robert Sneddon: You are cordially invited to fricative yourself sideways. And I would tender the same invitation to any other pompous, arrogant, pedantic Limey arsehole…but you seem to be the only one in range at the moment.

  137. 137.

    burnspbesq

    @JPL:

    thoughts and prayers.

    … for the health-care professionals involved in his treatment. Let none of them catch it from him.

    Him? Don’t care one way or the other.

  138. 138.

    Splitting Image

    @sixthdoctor:

    Still not as bad as when I read about Rush Limbaugh’s cancer diagnosis: my arms shot up as if my team just scored a touchdown, and then I quickly lowered them and looked around to see if anyone in my office saw me.

    I’m willing to admit I may not be the best person.

    I didn’t celebrate when I heard about Limbaugh’s diagnosis. I decided to wait until the fucker died.

    I’m not celebrating Giuliani’s illness either. Yet.

  144. 144.

    Hoodie

    @Splitting Image: As my dad said about Nixon, it’s wrong to hope for a guy to suffer or die, but there’s nothing wrong with pissing on his grave to dishonor what he represented.

  145. 145.

    Keith P.

    @Splitting Image: I normally don’t celebrate misfortune, and I won’t even celebrate Rudy’s eventual demise.  But I decided some time ago, that I would pop champagne when Rush/Trump keel over.

  148. 148.

    debbie

    @burnspbesq:

    Nothing to do with your conversation, but a co-worker’s son is on Duke’s football team. They’ve really handled keeping their players safe from COVID. Whatever they’ve done should be a model for other colleges.

  150. 150.

    trollhattan

    @Splitting Image:

    I’ll allow in this instance that cancer seems less ruthlessly efficient than is typical. Rush, of course, being a paragon of health and clean living.

  151. 151.

    RaflW

    @Hildebrand: Minnesota’s elected Republicans had a ‘holy shit this is real’ moment – after nine months of saying it’s NBD and that everything should just be open and people can make their own personal choice about masking up, the GOP legislature announced they want to be right up near the very front of the vaccine line as ‘essential workers’.

    That selfishness hasn’t gone over well with a lot of us.

  154. 154.

    Bruuuuce

    Andy Borowitz nails it, as usual: “Giuliani has first positive result as Trump’s lawyer”

  157. 157.

    Rand Careaga

    @JustRuss:

    Has killed more Americans than the Vietnam war.  About 2 million Vietnamese lost their lives in the war, the ‘rona’s not quite there yet.  I’m sure it wasn’t your intention to ignore the Vietnamese casualties of the war, but I think it’s important that we do not.

    Good point. I’ve often thought that it would be a nice gesture for this country to erect a monument to the Vietnamese dead corresponding to the “wall,” but even if we knew the names of the dead, a back-of-the-napkin calculation suggests that, adapting Lin’s design, the thing would be seventy feet high at its center, and would extend nearly the length of the Mall.

  158. 158.

    Snarki, child of Loki

    @Ruckus: You think shitforbrains is going to find another moron of this level to assist him in being the biggest asshole on the planet within the next 45 days?

    I hear that Orly Traitz is tanned, nutso and ready. Rather surprising that she isn’t ALREADY on the Trump crazytrain.

  159. 159.

    Rand Careaga

    Geez, Deep State! I was.thinking that you guys were asleep at the switch or something. With the Orange Man’s ablest strategist, keenest legal mind and most eloquent, persuasive spokesman sidelined with this completely harmless hoax virus co-designed by Dr. Fauci in a Chinese bioweapons lab, nothing stands in the way of our plot to steal the election and impose socialism on a helpless Republic.

    Gotta tell you, I’d begun to worry.

  161. 161.

    TS (the original)

    @Amir Khalid:

    That’s nonsense. It’s not over in Australia (or anywhere else) until it’s over everywhere in the world.

    The debate is over (not the virus itself) as to whether it is better to have a strict shut down to control the virus (Australia) or whether to let it run free in the community(Sweden) .

  162. 162.

    cain

    @Hildebrand:

    It should really be some big money bags Republican donor. That’s really what will get their attention. Any danger to the grifting spigot being in danger of shutting off will make them take notice.

    Even better, they’ll do hte minimum and brag how much better they are than the liberals.

  165. 165.

    Elie

    @chopper: 
    Naw. Heard he is in the hospital. He is obese and a cancer survivor. Dude LOOKS unhealthy. If I were him I wouldn’t accidentally walk past the morgue.

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