Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Motown is Joe-Town!

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Found liable for massive fraud, is required to post a massive bond, gets a break, then files a *fraudulent* bond!

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

Speaking of republicans, is there a way for a political party to declare intellectual bankruptcy?

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Washington Post’s Catch and Kill, not noticeably better than the Enquirer’s.

The lights are all blinking red.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Donald Trump, welcome to your everything, everywhere, all at once.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

Today’s gop: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

Never forget that he train is barreling down on Trump, even as he dances on the tracks.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

Roe isn’t about choice, it’s about freedom.

You are here: Home / Politics / America / Jews In Space: Laser Edition

Jews In Space: Laser Edition

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Qongresswoman Greene has some thoughts on how forest fires are started. Apparently they’re started by space lasers owned by the Rothschild’s.

Jews In Space: Laser Edition

On behalf of the Elders, it is always nice to see the classic Rothschild edition of the global Jewish conspiracy. It’s a refreshing break from Soros is funding this and Soros is responsible for that. Though she does still work Soros in to her conspiracy crazy too!

At this time the Elders have not authorized me to confirm or deny anything. However, I am authorized to include this obligatory video, which we’re sure Qongresswoman Greene will think is a documentary.

Open thread!

Full Disclosure: Theodore Maiman, who is credited with inventing the laser, was my cousin (3rd cousin or so…). I never met him.

Reader Interactions

111Comments

  1. 1.

    trollhattan

    I can at least vouch for hearing Marjorie’s prayers during those smokey times, if not her thoughts*.

    *Assumes thoughts not in evidence.

  9. 9.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Sister Golden Bear: She’s done a lot of deleting. Unfortunately for her everyone expected it and made copies. She’s in a shit load of trouble, hence the deletions. She thinks that gets rid of the evidence, but it doesn’t. It does show recognition of guilt.

  18. 18.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    Jesus Christ, that wall of text is painful to read. Is it just me, or do none of these nutjob types like Greene ever make paragraphs?

    The Evil (((Globalist))) Cabal firing lasers from space causing wild fires caused, good god

  22. 22.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Sister Golden Bear: Paragraph breaks are part of the conspiracy.

    Ha! It does look like the typed representation of some of those screaming tik-tok videos they like to make. For some reason while they’re driving….

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): she’s protected by a caucus that voted in majority to overturn an election, and the infinite spinelessness and stupidity of Kevin McCarthy, and voters who think Adam and Eve spoke English while riding their saddled dinosaurs to church for Christmas services. And they were carrying.

  24. 24.

    Adam L Silverman

    @raven: My guess is Boebert will use the Stand Your Grounder’s favorite playbook:

    1. Instigate a confrontation.
    2. Have the tables turn on them by the person they attacked.
    3. Stand your ground.
  30. 30.

    trollhattan

    @MagdaInBlack:

    Both are bartenders. I would only accept a drink from AOC. I also suspect instead of a Glock in a hip holster she kept a Louisville Slugger under the bar.

  34. 34.

    dmsilev

    She writes like a circa-1990 Usenet crank.

    Not that reality really matters here, but space-based-solar designs pretty much all use microwaves to send energy down here not visible light, and the ‘beam’ is diffuse enough that birds could fly through it without coming out the other side as a Crow McNugget or Sparrow en flambé. And they’re all just paper design studies anyway; nobody has built one.

  37. 37.

    Adam L Silverman

    @raven: I think that’s why she keeps trying to carry her gun on to the House floor. I think she’s convinced she’ll need to stand her ground against some Democrat.

  38. 38.

    Adam L Silverman

    @trollhattan: Her conceal carry gun is a Springfield XDS, unless she’s updated. And I know this because she made a post election social media ad about it. The good news is it has a grip safety like a 1911, so no GLOCK leg.

  41. 41.

    Adam L Silverman

    I’m off to walk the dogs. Back in about 45 minutes or so. Play nice or we’ll obliterate you from orbit…

  47. 47.

    Benw

    @WaterGirl: totally OT but I failed to finish Hogfather in time for the discussion but I finally finished it and it was great! Thanks for the suggestion

  49. 49.

    Mary G

    Lauren, sweetie, PG&E has been a monster corrupt corporation since Ben Franklin flew his kite. They have robbed and failed the state since Saint  Ronnie Reagan was a half a gleam in his grandfathers’ eyes. They have operated  the same crooked way with impunity since the regulatory capture of 1874(*1) under both Republican and Democratic administrations.

    Untold thousands of their customers unfortunate enough to live under their rule have died unnecessary deaths by wildfire and horrific city disasters because they don’t do the tiny bit of repair and replacement that Democrats have managed to make required by law and regulation because it would be too expensive.

    It’s much cheaper to pay a few million to citizens and a shit ton of billions to law enforcement, journalists, scientists, lobbyists, all the Republican and a few Democratic candidates each year as costs of doing business.

    Rothschild, Soros, laser beams, or international conspiracies you read about a lot have nothing whatsoever to do with it.

    I’d advise you to improve your reading matter and maybe you could buy a clue, but I know you won’t, so we’ll just keep dragging skeletons from your closet and showing viewers your insane speeches on the House floor until you’ve embarrassed the country enough so the moneymen buy a replacement for you from their pocket change.

    (*1) not intended to be a factual date, only an alternative fact.

     @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): paragraph breaks added, thank you.

  50. 50.

    kindness

    The things the Q Anon and right wing haters believe is difficult for me to understand, I mean how they can actually convince themselves they believe the shit they say. A group delusion. It’s a hell of a drug what ever it is. It’s got about a quarter of the population. We’re lucky their manipulators are greedy and power mad and inept. Otherwise they would have succeeded on the 6th.

  54. 54.

    Quantumman

    And Obama is a shape shifting time traveling alien from the Andromeda galaxy. Went back in time to place his birth announcement in the newspaper then came back to 2008.   In his true form looks like R2D2.

  57. 57.

    Anotherlurker

    @Adam L Silverman: Qbert better not try to sucker punch AOC, she will then feel the wrath of a pissed off Puerto Rican woman.  Trust me, she doesn’t want that.

    Although it would be fun to watch white bread shit herself.

  59. 59.

    Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    Thanks, I heard something about the House seriously considering about expelling her. She doesn’t belong in Congress, but I guess the votes aren’t there if the House Republicans won’t play ball.

    I’m very disturbed with how the state GOP parties have been acting, especially AZ. Trump lost the election and was a one-termer; when was the last time a one-term president ever played a significant role in a political party’s future (as in seriously considered a front-runner in the next election)? This is crazy and I don’t know what happens next. The GOP has become a full-blown authoritarian cult. Trump and Trumpism was supposed to be discredited when he lost, and it looks like the opposite has happened. The GOP was not punished at the ballot box or at least they don’t see it as being punished, considering they gained House seats. Weirdly, them losing the GA Senate seats hasn’t seemed to deter them either.

    I guess some of them think they have to placate Trump to stop him from blowing up the party? Will this insanity continue after he’s dead or incapacitated?

  65. 65.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @kindness: 

    Otherwise they would have succeeded on the 6th.

    Succeeded how? It would never have let Trump continue as President. It could have been bloodier and more destructive, but it would never have accomplished its putative goal.

  66. 66.

    FelonyGovt

    I have not received my Jewish Space Laser. I’m miffed. Is it because I’m married to a goy?

  67. 67.

    Ken

    @Mike in NC: This sick nut will never finish her term.

    Are you setting up a pool?  I’ll put a dollar on “Realizes it’s too much work and she can make more grifting.”

  68. 68.

    Matt McIrvin

    UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT information is ENCOURAGED, ESPECIALLY to COMPUTER BULLETIN BOARDS.

  77. 77.

    Mary G

    @raven: I donated. The Big Brother is an example of a good god botherer , actions over words. What a terrible tragedy.

    And since you like the Sportsball, and I see no respite thread, I going O/T to  post this. Somebody else probably already has, but I was amazed.

    If you’ve already seen some birds playing basketball today just keep on scrolling…pic.twitter.com/dljTuTieU9— Rex Chapman?? (@RexChapman) January 27, 2021

  78. 78.

    Zinsky

    Qongresswoman – I like what you did there….

    Marjorie Taylor Greene has a real tenuous relationship with the truth, as noted here.   Her own Facebook comments and likes of comments about shooting Nancy Pelosi would get her fired from a job as an elementary school teacher or as a nurse, but apparently it does not disqualify her from holding public office.

  80. 80.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    The Hill @thehill · 4h
    Rep. Matt Gaetz: “This is my first time in Wyoming. I’ve been here for about an hour and I feel like I already know the place a lot better than your misguided representative, Liz Cheney.”

    Ten years ago I would’ve thought this was stepping on his own… tongue. Nowadays, who the fukc knows?

    also, it looks like he put his machine-washable suit in the dryer on too hot a settin

    ETA: also, too:

    Will Steakin@wsteaks · 6h
    Rep. Matt Gaetz is now having Donald Trump Jr target @RepLizCheney over speakerphone

  82. 82.

    Yutsano

    @Ken: You might be joking, but races have been won and lost on constituent services. It’s probably one big reason why Susan Collins won: she is very good at getting stuff done for the people of Maine. It’s entirely possible Green Taylor decides that stuff is not what she got elected to do and ignores that part of her job. Now a Democrat isn’t going to win up there but a less crazy Re- okay I couldn’t finish that. But someone could run as less of an embarrassment maybe. Or willing to do the grunt work. Something like that.

  85. 85.

    Anotherlurker

    Amen, my friend! I’m not Puerto Rican but I am a NYer (living in the Bay Area. I used to do a lot of work around Yankee Stadium and I made the mistake of calling the neighborhood Puerto Rican. My work partner informed me, in no uncertain terms, that it was a Dominican neighborhood. I never made that mistake again! (lol!)
    I love the diversity of NYC. The Bay Area comes close,

    @raven:

  86. 86.

    Stan

    @Honus: I keep one next to the bed from the days when we had kids in the house and firing a gun indoors was not a good idea.  The short aluminum ones make a satisfying “thunk” when they hit what you’re aiming at.  Don’t ask me how I know.

  87. 87.

    JoyceH

    @Zinsky: 

    Marjorie Taylor Greene has a real tenuous relationship with the truth, as noted here. Her own Facebook comments and likes of comments about shooting Nancy Pelosi would get her fired from a job as an elementary school teacher or as a nurse, but apparently it does not disqualify her from holding public office.

    There’s been a lot of discussion about the things MTG has said and posted, but one comment of hers I don’t think is getting enough attention:

    “In April 2018, when someone asked, “Now do we get to hang them ?? Meaning H & O,” a reference to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, Greene responded: “Stage is being set. Players are being put in place. We must be patient. This must be done perfectly or liberal judges would let them off.””

    Huh. Of course maybe she’s just blowing smoke and showing off, but I’d sure like someone to get her under oath and ask her what specifically she meant by “Stage is being set. Players are being put in place.” I don’t blame the Dem congresswomen from feeling unsafe in the Capitol.

  90. 90.

    geg6

    @Adam L Silverman:

    She’ll be sorry.  AOC was a bartender.  I have no doubt she’ll deck her right back.  I spent almost ten years bartending, all through college and as a second and more lucrative job when I started my career in higher ed.  I’ve decked large men when I had to.

  91. 91.

    Dan B

    @Major Major Major Major:  My 69 volume Gay Agenda is soooo dusty.  And the Gay Mafia is so old fashioned they are stuck using snail mail, and we know how much ‘de’ Joy there is in that these days.  You might be getting your invoice before the mid terms!

  93. 93.

    debbie

    Frankly, I wish I could shoot lasers from my Yid eyes. A couple of hours and I could really clean up the place.

  99. 99.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): There won’t be a real split. The 10 Republicans in the House who voted to impeach will be made unpeople. Like Justin Amash was. Congressman Kinzinger is already discussing this along the lines of “I did the right thing and now I’m going to be punished for it”. And he is correct to recognize this reality.

  100. 100.

    Mary G

    Do you have a new career in comms, Adam?

    A member of congress thinks there is a Jewish Laser beam to clear space or something for high speed rail and on Sunday TV pundits will ask democrats why they can’t find middle ground on Covid relief. All of these otherwise smart people will pretend not to know the answer.— Brian Schatz (@brianschatz) January 29, 2021

  101. 101.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Adam L Silverman: The 10 Republicans in the House who voted to impeach will be made unpeople.

    Yep, and this time 2023, there will be a dozen Cruz and Hawleys in the Senate.

  102. 102.

    Adam L Silverman

    @Mary G: I’ve done strategic communication work. But I’m not doing it now. Though if Senator Schatz requires my services, I will clear my schedule.

  103. 103.

    debbie

    I’ve seen a couple of photos of McCarthy dining with Trump and couldn’t help thinking of frogs legs.

  105. 105.

    The Pale Scot

    @Stan:

    The Manticorian Royal Navy and other star travel capable societies have been beaming power to separated weapon pods and decoy ships for centuries. The real difficulty is building fusion reactors that fit into a suitcase :)

  106. 106.

    catclub

    @Adam L Silverman: She’s done a lot of deleting. Unfortunately for her everyone expected it and made copies. She’s in a shit load of trouble, hence the deletions.

     

    This is the difference between Trump and the rest.  Trump never feels shame, no matter what. never deletes.

  107. 107.

    Martin

    @catclub:

    Never to admit a fault or wrong; never to accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time; blame that enemy for everything that goes wrong; take advantage of every opportunity to raise a political whirlwind.

    That wasn’t an analysis of Trump, but of Hitler, but it might as well have been of Trump.

  108. 108.

    Poe Larity

    Adam, you haven’t commented on the haigiography of Ezra Cohen-Watnick this week. First by Hillary’s speech writer husband and Adam from then CIA.

  110. 110.

    Chris T.

    @Mary G: Lauren, sweetie, PG&E has been a monster corrupt corporation since Ben Franklin flew his kite.

    Yeah – ever since I heard someone expand “PG&E” as “Peculation, Greed, & Extortion”, I’ve used the same expansion myself.

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