Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

“What are Republicans afraid of?” Everything.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

White supremacy is terrorism.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

He really is that stupid.

The willow is too close to the house.

No one could have predicted…

T R E 4 5 O N

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

“Can i answer the question? No you can not!”

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

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92Comments

  3. 3.

    RaflW

    I think you should attract grackles. They’re like crows, but louder and travel in larger groups appropriately called ‘plagues’.

  4. 4.

    trollhattan

    Jesus.

    Give me a PO Box # and I’ll ship you crows by the gross. Am even willing to put airholes in the crate. #WingedRats

  9. 9.

    Brachiator

    I have given up on squirrels and am now spending this summer trying to attract crows to my backyard.

    I at first read that as “cows.”

    Now that would be something to see.

  11. 11.

    Miss Bianca

    Cole, you know what the next step is, right? Devising a crow vending machine to help pay for the blog.

    Plus providing opportunity for hours of entertainment for yourself, your critters, and the jackals!

  12. 12.

    mrmoshpotato

    @RaflW:

    I think you should attract grackles. They’re like crows, but louder and travel in larger groups appropriately called ‘plagues’. 

    And they’ll just lull you off to sleep, right?

  13. 13.

    geg6

    As someone who has crows all over the neighborhood, I can definitively state that you will live to regret this.  They are obnoxious.

    But you do you, Cole.

  14. 14.

    raven

    Just sayin

     

    Are Ravens as smart as crows?

    Both of these birds are extremely intelligent (though ravens seem a bit smarter than crows) and are quite playful. Ravens have at least 7 different calls and can imitate the calls of other birds (geese, jays, crows). They also use stunt flying to attract mates (barrel-rolling, flying upside-down, and somersaults).

  17. 17.

    lashonharangue

    John,

    I case you have not found this already you might want to check out this blog. Don’t piss off the crows. They can recognize people, remember their transgression, and tell their companions.

    https://corvidresearch.blog/

  21. 21.

    Wapiti

    I have a pair of crows that I feed, but!

    I do not have nesting birds in my yard. Here in Seattle we have tons of crows and they are the predators.

    I am feeding this pair to see if they leave off swooping me once nesting season arrives. In the past I have calmed swooping crows by bribing them with food, but I’m trying to get ahead of the whole swooping thing.

  22. 22.

    LarryB

    My local crow started hanging out when I put up a suet feeder. He’s told one of his buddies, too.

  23. 23.

    Middlelee

    Crows are one of my favorite birds.  However, friends who have lived with large trees in which crows have set up housekeeping are less than enthused about life with crows. Crows are apparently noisy as hell and often have large raucous gatherings at night.  They also have large households with dozens of birds of many generations.

  25. 25.

    Mike in Oly

    We have crows nesting nearby. The endless noise when the babies hatch is a never ending aggravation. They NEVER shut up. And even the adults love to rise with the dawn and spend several hours screaming, so forget sleeping in with the windows open. They also predate on smaller bird nests and eat the babies, so watch out for the ones nesting on your porch as they may not be happy with the new resident predators. They got the nest of our sweet little bushtits last year and broke my heart. On the other hand they are handsome, intelligent and playful birds that are fun to observe.

  30. 30.

    Cheryl from Maryland

    Be prepared for more home and garden upkeep.  Crows have been recorded making tools, making tools out of multiple parts, working in groups, and teaching tool making.

  31. 31.

    JaneE

    You don’t need a crow call or decoys.  If you have fat or scrap trimmings from meat, cooked or uncooked, place it outside and they will come.  If you are especially generous they will call all their relatives and you will have a small flock cleaning up, but if they think there is only enough for 1 they will eat quietly and hope no one else flies by.   They can be fast and sneaky, and sometimes your offerings will disappear as if by magic.

    The ones around here also like acorns and walnuts – and will use our roof and driveways to drop them on.

  33. 33.

    dopealope

    I feed the crows all the time. Mostly peanuts in the shell. They now know when they see me exit the garage with the orange homer bucket, and alert every crow in the canyon that it’s meal time.

  35. 35.

    debbie

    @Suburban Mom:

    There was a mess of jays in the backyards of the block where I lived in NYC. They constantly and noisily harassed the cats, especially during nesting season, but ceased the instant a Weimaraner moved into the ground floor of my building. The jays and cats were still there, but I don’t think the dog even noticed any of them.

  36. 36.

    Tony Jay

    1) Over millennia human civilisation has been engaged in a mission to design more and better Scarecrows. Not one successful civilisation even has a word for Attractcrows*

    2) Your house will now sound like a set from Resident Evil. This could lead to zombie infections and/or giant mutant spiders in your tubes.

    3) These birds are smart. Call them together in any great number and they will legally own your house in less than a month.

    So it’s a thumbs up from me.

    * This is a made-up word.

  40. 40.

    cain

    Yeah, I’m not a fan of crows. Loud and obnoxious – when I go to india, I’ve learned to filter their caws – but it’s an omnipresent sound. Bah.

  42. 42.

    jonas

    My rural neighborhood is home part of the year to a “murder” (as I guess their called) of crows. Actually, it’s more of a massacre — probably close to 100 birds spread out over an acre or so when they’re assembled. Loudest, most annoying fucking things on earth. I hear they’re smart and all, but when they get all cackling at each other in the early morning or evening, it’s apocalyptic.

  44. 44.

    Another Scott

    @JaneE: Crows around here in NoVA seemed to like to put short-rib bones that the found into roof gutters.  I assume they use the collected water to soften them up a little.  If one has troubles with clogged gutters, it’s not a pleasant find!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  46. 46.

    barbequebob

    @Another Scott: 

    yes, crows a very effective predators and have created problems for people trying to help populations of threatened species of shorebirds recover. These “subsidized predators” will eat all the food that humans make available to them, which boosts their survival and reproductive output, and then there are even more of them to prey on the species struggling to not go extinct in the face of human disturbance and habitat loss.

    I stopped feeding birds long time ago. Better to donate the money you spend on bird food toorganizations such as local land trusts that buy/protect land in it’s natural condition. Best way to protect wildlife is by providing habitat, not artificial feeding.

    https://www.ioes.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/crow-density.pdf

    “Introduction
    The constant expansion of human settlement along the California Coast has provided
    conditions that have increased the number of synanthropic generalist predators; this increase has
    lead to high rates of predation on local beach-nesting bird populations. At the Venice Beach, the
    endangered California Least Tern (Sternula antillarum browni) has been under substantial
    predation pressure by the American Crow (Corvus brachyrynchos). The California Least Tern is
    a migratory bird and is only present at the Venice Beach Least Tern Colony during its breeding
    season during the months of April through August. Crows regularly prey on California Least
    Tern eggs and fledglings, because terns are most vulnerable at these stages. Once the terns reach
    adulthood, though still small (22-24 cm long, 39-52 g), they are much less likely to be predated
    and are more likely to survive to reach sexual maturity (Delnevo et. al., 2009). Predation by
    crows has imposed such a strong pressure on the reproductive success of terns at Venice Beach
    that in 1999, 2002, 2004, 2005, 2008, 2009, and 2010 they were unable to fledge any young
    (Delnevo et al., 2009). “

  51. 51.

    Bill Arnold

    Couple of notes:
    – Crows are quite adept at hiding their activities from observers. That means you will need to find an observation spot (with audio) where they can’t spot you visually, and you can’t slip up even once; they will (probably) remember and tell their friends. If you succeed in observing them unobserved, you’ll see/hear amazing subtleties. Their vocalizations can sound a lot like whispered conversations. (And perhaps are.) One advantage they have over humans is flight/altitude control; they see stuff perspectives that humans don’t (except drone pilots perhaps).
    – Much of the Crow (Corvidae) related lore is True, including some ancient lore (and possibly forgotten lore :-). Ethologists (those who study animal behavior including cognition) have been making great progress, in the last several decades in particular.

    Birds have primate-like numbers of neurons in the forebrain (June 13, 2016, full paper)

    Additionally, corvids and parrots have much higher proportions of brain neurons located in the pallial telencephalon compared with primates or other mammals and birds. Thus, large-brained parrots and corvids have forebrain neuron counts equal to or greater than primates with much larger brains. We suggest that the large numbers of neurons concentrated in high densities in the telencephalon substantially contribute to the neural basis of avian intelligence.

    –

  52. 52.

    debbie

    @jonas:

    It’s very spooky walking through the neighborhood when a group of crows is perched in the trees I’m walking under. I don’t know what they want, but it’s got to be something that’s no good.

  55. 55.

    Miss Bianca

    @Yutsano:

    Oh, rats.

    @Another Scott:

    Huh, how were able to get in there and see the error? I thought that would be a power reserved for front-pagers! But thanks! Hate it when the punchline doesn’t land

    ETA: Oh, I see…you just clicked on the link and read it. DUH. U R obviously a bit quicker on the uptake than petite moi…

  58. 58.

    Bill Arnold

    ? A THREAD IN WHICH I REVIEW BEING BITTEN BY VARIOUS ANIMALS

    1. GOAT ?

    Overall a soft and gummy bite, often with a faint bouquet of fermented grain. Near-prehensile lips make the whole experience rather cute. Only downside is the painful accompanying headbutt. 4/5 stars. pic.twitter.com/jaKbWBgzbj
    — Yell in a War (@jelenawoehr) April 17, 2021

  59. 59.

    Tony Jay

    @debbie: 

    My Arboreal Space-Planning exam isn’t until Monday, but I’m going to take a punt on “No, and that’s why they have to go after Cole’s house.”

  60. 60.

    CaseyL

    Covids might well be the “humans” of birddom: intelligent, mean, tribal, playful, destructive – with tool-making ability, language, and excellent memory. If they ever develop literacy, we’re doomed.  I’d say “rightfully so,” except I think they’d be no improvement over humans as a dominant species.

    In my experience, you don’t have to attract them: any food you put out for anyone else will do the trick.

    And they will bring you their leftovers: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found rib bones (snatched from BBQs or trash cans) left on my lawn, porch, and roof.

    I like crows, honestly, but they do have a dark side.  As, I guess, any truly sapient species does…

  62. 62.

    Miss Bianca

    @CaseyL: I too wonder at the desire to *attract* crows, being that they are one of the most numerous birds around my place. But I do find them fascinating to watch.

  65. 65.

    trnc

    @raven: I’m playing Wingspan on Steam as I write this. If you like board games and/or board games that have been adapted for online play, check it out. Ravens and crows are coveted in the game.

  69. 69.

    Montanareddog

    @Ken: I was in Rome for work one December, when it got dark before 6pm, and the starling murmurations outside the office at dusk were a sight to behold. But then they would roost in the trees that overhung the walk back to my hotel and  you needed an umbrella against the rain of shit.

  71. 71.

    Achrachno

    @barbequebob: I wonder what the decimation of crow populations by West Nile Virus has done to this problem in recent years.  In inland So. Cal. crows seem to have c. 1% of the numbers they had 10-12 years ago.  And even that’s up from the time when dead crows in the gutter were more common than live ones.

  72. 72.

    The Moar You Know

    The idea that I would have to work to get crows into my backyard is mind boggling. I could shoot ten of the fuckers every day and it wouldn’t even slow them down. They kill and eat everything that’s not a large domestic animal.

    Theyve destroyed all the native SoCal shorebirds from at least OC on down.   Unmitigated disaster.

  77. 77.

    trollhattan

    @Achrachno: ​
     
    They took a hit when West Nile arrived in the Central Valley ten or so years ago, but have bounced back seemly in as much abundance as before. Yellow-billed magpies were very hard to find for a good while, but I see them along the river again, doing their magpie things. Scrub jays are back as well.

    Come to think of it I’d be fine with magpie hijinks in my yard, crows, not so much.

  78. 78.

    trollhattan

    @Bill Arnold: ​
     
    Have seen starlings do that in the area–mesmerizing. Have also seen ribbons of Mexican freetail bats emerge from underneath the elevated stretch of I-80 in Yolo County. Now that’s eerie.

  79. 79.

    NotMax

    Ranks right up there with the “planning to plant wisteria” post. The vegetation, at least, is quiet and won’t disgruntle your neighbors.

    ;)

  80. 80.

    joel hanes

    I actually have maybe twenty crow decoys, that my grandfather used while crow hunting back in the 1940s. If you’re serious, Cole, I’d be very happy to send them to you at some point.

    But not right away. They’re at my mom’s place in Iowa, and I won’t be back there for maybe two months.

    Be aware, though, that crows will raid songbird nests and eat eggs and hatchlings.

  81. 81.

    glc

    @Brachiator:

     

    I at first read that as “cows.”

     

    Me too. Knowing it was from Cole may have entered into that.

    Managed to get through two lines before I caught that.

    Was momentarily looking forward to the discussion resulting.

  83. 83.

    Geo Wilcox

    You might get crows but every other kind of bird or ground nesting critter will vacate your property immediately. Big time birder and bird feeder. I do not let the crows congregate in my yard so that the other 30 species of birds and animals that are attracted to my feeders are safe from harassment.

  84. 84.

    BigJimSlade

    @Kednedub: Oh! Well, like any good pun, I don’t know whether to award you the internet for the day or box you on the ear (pantomime-style). (The murder line from earlier I was expecting.)

  85. 85.

    Geminid

    @joel hanes: I did not know there were crow decoys. But I can see how a farmer might have used them to hunt crows back in the day. Some probably had the time between putting in the grain crops and harvesting them.

    Those decoys are may be valuable to collectors. But I think you know that.

  87. 87.

    KrusherKing

    The morning after my brother passed away, I was waiting at a bus stop to get to the airport to go to VA to  claim his body, determine the state of his affairs, arrange his cremation, etc.  I heard a voice saying my name, so I looked around.  Nobody there.  Heard it again, realized it was coming from above.  There was a freakin’ CROW on a telephone wire saying my name.  It stayed there until my bus came.  So if you see my brother in your yard, his name is David.  Please make him especially welcome.

  89. 89.

    billcinsd

    Well believe me, John, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid… and I went ahead anyway.

  90. 90.

    joel hanes

    @Geminid: ​
     

    Until at least the late 1950s, the Iowa state government paid a ten-cent bounty for each pair of severed crows feet that a hunter brought in. In my hometown, one took them to the police station to get paid.

    Considered an agricultural pest.

  92. 92.

    TMinSJ

    I put out a handful of peanuts (unsalted in the shell) for my local squirrels ON MY APARTMENT PATIO, and within a couple of days the crows noticed and also wanted peanuts. Now I have both cruising by looking for peanuts, and I’m pretty sure I’m close to having them knock on the door to let me know they are there waiting. So, if you want crows, feed your local day-rodents something big enough the crows can see, and there they will be.

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