I’m always cranky when in public, and when I really think about it, the problem is me. This is an actual conversation I had with a receptionist yesterday while scheduling a colonoscopy:
Her: How many I help you?
Me: I’d like to schedule a colonoscopy.
Her: Were you referred to us?
Me: No, I’m just cold calling.
Her: …
Me: Dr. Marks.
Her: Ok, do you have a preference for which doctor?
Me: Am I going to be sedated for this?
Her: Yes, you won’t feel anything.
Me: That’s not what I am worried about.
Her: What are you worried about?
Me: Recognizing someone at the grocery store.
Her: No, you won’t remember anything.
Me: Then I don’t care.
Her: Care about what?
Me: Which doctor.
Everyone around me isn’t stupid. I’m just an asshole.
Cameron
Well, that’s true – you are just an asshole as far as the doctor is concerned.
The Dangerman
Easy procedure. Prep isn’t even THAT bad as long as there as there is a bathroom readily available…
…I just wish they had told me about the farts you get in recovery. This is expected and desired but no one told me. Consider this a public service announcement.
ETA: Oh sure. Surrrrrrre. My first 2 on a colonoscopy thread.
J.
That made me laugh.
You may be an asshole, John Cole, but you’re our asshole. :-)
Gin & Tonic
You don’t want to know this, but you won’t actually be *sedated* in the cartoon sense of getting hit in the head and falling unconscious. What they give you just wipes your memory of the event.
Cameron
@The Dangerman: How true. I didn’t know what to expect after my first one. Second one, cool. Not looking forward to my next one, but not worried about it since I have to get them every 3 years.
Gin & Tonic
@J.: And Dr. Marks’s asshole, too.
NotMax
@The Dangerman
Well, if there’s anyplace where #2 is appropriate….
:)
Matt McIrvin
I’m pretty sure I got a good look at the guy before I went under.
NotMax
@Gin & Tonic
Technically it inhibits the formation of memories.
VOR
My recollection is they give you something like Versed so you aren’t completely down, but you have no memory of the procedure. You’ll be groggy for the rest of the day. Have a driver available – you do not want to drive home.
featheredsprite
You get roofied. GOOD anesthesia, though.
wmd
I’ve had vague memories of procedures. I usually joke about getting flowers before my “date”.
hells littlest angel
I lolled.
I think you’re really going to enjoy guzzling the one gallon jug of laxative the night before.
RandomMonster
You may be out for the procedure, but the doctor will see you before (to ask questions) and after (to tell you results). So there’s still a chance you could be in your diner and doc sits next to you and gives you a wink.
RandomMonster
@VOR: They will only check you in and out with a designated driver.
Cameron
I guess at age 70 I’ve lost enough vanity to not care (I’d use ‘not give a shit,’ but here context is everything) if I’m out somewhere and a person calls out to me “Hey, I’m one of the people that helped explore your asshole.” I think that would say more about them than about me.
jimmiraybob
I assume that you know that this is when all of the old microchips are removed and replaced with upgrades.
Also too,, I believe that they invented the term “curmudgeon” specifically for this occasion. At least that’s MY cover story.
Geminid
@NotMax: That’s just more innuendo.
M. Bouffant
Had one in January. Get the fentanyl. I was lying there, they didn’t even give me a countdown, suddenly I was wide awake in the recovery room, feeling fine & more than ready to go home. No aftereffects whatsoever.
Hope it goes as well for you.
glc
LongHairedWeirdo
I only think a person is an asshole if they’re deadpanning like that, and won’t break out of character when someone is honestly confused. Fun’s fun, but don’t hurt people’s brains without consent.
RSA
@hells littlest angel: LOL here too.
I canceled my procedure out of caution last year, but I’m going to have to do it this summer. I actually remember everything aside from the procedure itself, the last time I had it, meaning conversations that seem to have been immediately afterwards.
Kelly
I’ve been using the once a year mail in a stool sample method. They send me a tiny bottle with a stick attached to the inside of the lid. I poke the stick in my poop seal it in the bottle and mail it back. My theory is a simple if less accurate test every year is better than a highly accurate test every 10 years.
No jug of prep to drink is a bonus.
Gvg
Take someone to be with you in recovery and ask questions and take notes for you. My sister the doc went with me. In recovery she says I asked lots of good questions and seemed fine, but later on I didn’t remember that part or what the doc told me. If she hadn’t mentioned something, I would not have known. And it was chance she mentioned it, because neither of us realized I didn’t recall a couple of extra hours.
Yutsano
Sigh.
You had your chance Cole.
“Which doctor?’
“Well, I did always like Tom Baker although David Tennant was pretty brilliant too…”
I. Am. Disappoint.
trnc
I tend to think of it more like you saying what SHOULD be the out loud parts out loud.
MattF
I’ve always figured that one of the questions asked for board-certification in gastroenterology is ‘How do you persuade someone to get a colonoscopy?’
oldster
Got the drugs for my first one. Felt no pain, woke up directly afterwards, but was useless for the rest of the day — can’t operate heavy equipment, make heavy decisions, or think heavy thoughts.
Second time, I had to squeeze the procedure into a busy day. And I had to be sharp and responsible afterwards. Had to get myself home by myself. So I did it without any drugs at all.
And it was just fine. Uncomfortable at times, but on the whole there was less physical discomfort than in a typical dental cleaning. I’d even say: a lot less discomfort than a dental cleaning.
It’s mostly a mental thing. If you are not psychologically uncomfortable with it, then it’s possible to do it without any drugs and with minimal discomfort.
Remember that women routinely get pap-smears and gyno exams without sedation. I suspect it’s a bit like that — uncomfortable, highly awkward, not the least bit pleasurable, but not a big deal.
JanieM
@hells littlest angel:
I can’t wait for the post about that.
MattF
I’ve always figured that one of the questions asked for board-certification in gastroenterology is ‘How do you persuade someone to get a colonoscopy?’
And, btw… if your Twitter feed has suddenly gotten weird, it’s because Eurovision.
Central Planning
@Geminid: Golf clap for “innuendo” in the colonoscopy thread.
Booger
I got a survey post-colonoscopy from the medical practice asking about my experience (Really?), and my one complaint was “HOW BOUT YOU WARN PEOPLE WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THAT GODDAM KOOLAID, HUH?”
Good news is the doc sez I don’t need another one for a decade.
prostratedragon
@Cameron: One has already given them all, momentarily at least, before the procedure.
raven
I’ve decided to schedule surgery for my “tethered spinal cord”. I met with the surgeon and he thinks that, after a couple of years of trying all kinds of physical therapy with no results, it’s worth it. I’ve been kind of miffed because I’ve mentioned it here and never gotten a peep out of anyone. When I met with my GP and she had never heard of it I realized that may be why no one has had any gems pf wisdom for me.
Almost Retired
I had my first and only colonoscopy five years ago and it wasn’t so bad. Not even the prep.
Of course, that was way back in the “pre-times.” Back before talkative little boxes accosted strangers in office buildings and at the beach to harangue them about their excretory functions. And before UPS drivers had to routinely pick up boxes of shit from people’s front porches. The old days. Where a team of medical professionals shoved a garden hose up your ass once every five years. How things have changed, children…
Cameron
@Booger: Did they ask if you’d recommend their service to friends and family?
raven
@RandomMonster: I know the doc and the anesthesiologist socially, don’t mean nuthin.
NotMax
Just in case – not a propitious opportunity for snapping selfies.
:)
prostratedragon
@Almost Retired: “LIttle boxes on the hillside …”
NotMax
@Almost Retired
Back in the 70s. a friend was given what was for all intents and purposes an empty gallon size paint can by his doc, told to schedule an appointment to bring it in when it was full, and keep it in the freezer in the meantime.
RepubAnon
@RSA: The times I’ve had them, they gave me twilight sleep. I woke up a bit when they removed some polyps, but no discomfort. Other than the colon cleanse beforehand, and the clear liquid diet.
Geeno
Just had my scheduled colonoscopy. Apparently, they didn’t give me (enough) muscle relaxant this time, because, unlike the several previous procedures, I clearly remember being anally raped – I recall my doctor telling me to relax), and my ass still hurts two days later (again unlike prior occasions).
Those muscle relaxants are THE only good thing about a colonoscopy – if those are out now – I’m not doin’ these no more.
Obvious Russian Troll
Just had one; I have the follow-up appointment on Wednesday. (I think the odds are good that I have Crohn’s or another form of colitis, and those are the good options. Yay!)
Current policy in Ontario is apparently to require the patient to have someone pick them up because of the after effects of the anesthesia. I think the doctor’s staff has been screwing up and not telling people; they didn’t tell me this time but this was my second colonoscopy so I was prepared for that.
The poor woman next to me didn’t have anybody lined up, though, and was going to go through the procedure without anesthesia. The nurse was simultaneously desperately trying to get her to call someone and telling her that it wasn’t *that* bad.
I don’t know if she went through it–I was up next.
gene108
When I turn 50 in a few years, all I want to know is if I can get a recording of what my colon looks like.
Seeing the inside of my organs fascinates me. I find cool that that’s even possible.
TheOtherHank
I am one of those that use a CPAP machine. When it was time for my colonscopy, they asked about that and I said I do use one. This upgraded the experience to full anesthesia, since they don’t want you to stop breathing while they have a camera up your butt. This made the whole experience much more tolerable. I was awake, I went to sleep, I was awake again but not groggy.
I had taken a cab to where it was happening and my wife drove over to get me after it was over. In theory she was supposed to come in and get me as one is supposed to be too out of it to navigate their way to the street. Parking is tight in downtown SF, so when she got close I just went and met her at the front of the building, since I was not impaired.
Also the prep isn’t that bad. You fast for a while before starting the purge, so most everything has already been discharged. The worst part of having diarrhea is that you’re sick while it’s happening. You’re not sick for the purge, you just need to sit down and drain fairly often. The part that made me the most nervous was thought that one last evacuation would be required during the cab ride, but that didn’t happen.
raven
@gene108: I had an endoscopy when I picked up a Harley I dropped and pissed blood. It wasn’t near as bad as they say and it was cool watching the screen while they cruised around my bladder.
RandomMonster
@raven: I wouldn’t care, either. I’m like, “Assholes, we all have one.”
raven
@TheOtherHank: If you go on a low fiber diet for a few days prior it really helps.
lofgren
I guess this is a colonoscopy thread now, but I would just like to urge John Cole to STRONGLY consider whether his anecdotes about how he berated some jerk who slightly inconvenienced him or failed to properly anticipate his demands actually make him look like as much of a badass as he apparently thinks they do.
JustRuss
Friend of mine is a medical receptionist, in fact she just started at a colonoscopy clinic. They have to deal with the public all day, many of whom are loud-and-proud assholes. It’s not easy to tell if a total stranger is trying to be funny or just being a dick, so maybe just give them a break and play it straight.
Unrelated: A pink-haired hipster has decided he likes to play his guitar on the bench across the street that faces my house, so I’m getting serenaded for the second day in a row. Jeezus.
NoraLenderbee
@The Dangerman:
If your doc uses contrast dye, you’ll see absolutely brilliant shades of blue and green in the toilet afterward.
trollhattan
Primarily shoot Olympus brand cameras and was nonplussed to see the scope used by the scoperating people was also Olympus brand. Have never looked at my gear quite the same, since.
prostratedragon
@gene108: I’ve had a few things now. They usually give me pictures or include them in the chart which I have on-line access to, but maybe ask to be sure. One’s innards are, I don’t know, rather cute or something.
NoraLenderbee
@Geeno:
It stinks that your doctor hurt you, but are you really equating a consensual medical procedure with sexual assault?
trollhattan
@JustRuss:
Had a very lonnnng college semester with a dorm roommate who worked daily on learning a Grateful Dead song by playing along with the record on his Stratocaster. Hopefully your neighbor will get bored sooner than the roommate did.
evodevo
@Gin & Tonic:
I had propofol…it was nice…I can see why Michael Jackson like it…no hangover
Cameron
@raven: I had one many years ago because I had kidney stone problems. Wasn’t fun, but wasn’t unbearable.
NotMax
@trollhattan
“Jeeze, no idea what might have happened with the power cord on your record player. Mice?”
//
SuzieC
@hells littlest angel: I know you no longer drink, but I combined mine with vodka the night before. You can have any clear liquid.
jame
Be sure the anesthesiologist is “in system” — mine wasn’t and it cost me $1500 out of pocket.
Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)
Open thread, so I’ll link this here: Reps. Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene rally in Maricopa County to keep ‘big lie’ going
This is the GOP in 2021. The thought that Greene or Gaetz would ever be thought of as aspirants to the White House is disturbing. The work to oppose these people goes on
oldster
@gene108:
Each time, they have given me access to about 20-30 full-color photos of the innards. I did not feel any sense of familiarity.
It’s mildly interesting to see what your innards look like, but I suspect that they all pretty much look the same.
I remember reading about people who eat things for the Guinness book record — like, eating an entire bicycle, chopped up into small bits. Now *that* would make for an entertaining photo set, if you turned a corner and found a brake-lever.
However, the pre-op prep is so thorough that it would flush out all the parts — frames, tires, handlebars and everything.
gene108
@raven:
I had a persistent UTI. Had the cystoscopy to look at my bladder to see if the infection was there.
I also did not find it that bad, and it is cool to see what the bladder looks like.
I saw the ureters that go into my bladder from my kidneys are sort of like valves. They open to let urine in, and then close to keep stuff out of the kidneys. That’s a neat design.
RandomMonster
@gene108: Don’t know about video, but my doctor gave a printout with screenshots. “Here’s a polyp we removed.”
evodevo
@gene108:
I’ve got pics of all three of mine…wait till I get my wallet and I’ll show you…no, really, my GI doc took pics each time and mailed them along with the results…
MattF
@Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): I think the story here is that Greene thought it was okey-dokey to appear onstage with Gaetz.
Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)
@MattF:
Though it was disturbing seeing their approval ratings among Republicans, I also agree. Also, those 800 supporters were noted by the article to be mostly out-of-staters.
gene108
@Goku (aka Amerikan Baka):
TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ GROSS IMAGERY
Anybody taking bets if and when Gaetz & Greene have a sex tape “leaked” to the public?
MagdaInBlack
@gene108: She’s too old for him.
Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)
@gene108:
Well, he did admit on Fox News that he needed a cigarette after one of Greene’s fiery speeches….
pat
@Cameron:
Bwahahaha…..
rikyrah
That conversation is hilarious ??
Oh Cole?
RandomMonster
Next time I think I’ll put my pics in the annual Christmas card.
rikyrah
Been doing Spring cleaning.
Had four goals today.
Once again….
I have too much stuff….
Only got through three goals, but it’s ok.
One project at a time.
Ken
Excellent, this is the breakthrough ve haff been hoping for. Another tventy years of vork vith your therapy blog and ve may see some real progress.
raven
@gene108: Maybe that’s what I had?
RSA
@RepubAnon: I’m with you on the main discomfort being preparation.
zhena gogolia
I did a quick skim of this thread. No thanks.
Although I’ve had many colonoscopies and they’re not that bad, not something I want to read about in great detail on a Saturday afternoon.
raven
@RSA: It reminds me of the whining about shingles shots, get shingles and you’ll wish you had the shot.
Chris Johnson
@glc:
Reminds me of Rick Wakeman. He was at, I think, an awards ceremony, and decided to tell jokes, such as how he was getting old and had to get prostate exams.
“Now, Mr Wakeman, I need to tell you that experiencing an erection during the procedure is perfectly normal. There really is nothing to worry about.”
“I haven’t got an erection”, says Mr. Wakeman.
“Well I have…”
Ruckus
I’ve had to do prep for a colon exploration 3 times, only once was the colonoscopy and that was the last time. The stuff they gave me before the colonoscopy didn’t taste like battery acid, and worked better both coming and going. The colonoscopy was better than the angiogram, which I didn’t need to prep for and which they kept me awake for but I had to lay flat on by back for 6 hours after that and whatever pain killer they gave me was good but made me talk for that entire 6 hrs. Whocouldaknown?
Gin & Tonic
@raven: Can’t speak for any of the other jackals, but until you mentioning it I had never heard of it.
MagdaInBlack
@zhena gogolia: Right there with ya. And yet, here I am ?
Gin & Tonic
@gene108: I made a point of keeping a CD-ROM with all the pre- and post-op images of my arm, but I think I’d draw the line at watching a video of the procedure.
Ruckus
@raven:
It is rare as I understand it, and not a lot of people have likely heard of it, including it seems, your personal doc. Likely also that most don’t know of anyone who’s had the surgery. My understanding is that it really isn’t that big of deal, medical wise, but a huge positive deal for the patient. As I said earlier, good luck!
Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)
@Gin & Tonic:
@raven:
I’ve never heard of it either tbh
It’s a rare disorder apparently
Hope your surgery goes well!
Ruckus
@RandomMonster:
We do all have one, but some just wear their’s so that everyone can see that they are one.
Uncle Cosmo
@Geminid: @Central Planning:
FTR, innuendo is an Italian suppository.
I told the lady behind the counter in Gastroenterology that I needed to schedule an Up Mine. She asked what that was and I said a colonoscopy. She still looked puzzled & I said, Well it won’t be an Up Yours, will it?
Now that, that, I submit, is Premier League-level assholery.
debbie
@raven:
You made me google. Is this connected in any way to your broken back?
zhena gogolia
@raven:
I’d never heard of it. I hope the surgery is a great success.
zhena gogolia
@oldster:
Pap smears only last a few seconds. Isn’t a colonoscopy more like a half hour?
Mike in NC
The doctors who performed Trump’s last colonoscopy at Walter Reed attempted to remove Lindsey Graham, but he refused to budge.
jl
Glad Cole tries to recognize his shortcomings and works to improve himself.
More people should do that.
At the risk of impertinent offense to the blog warlord, I have an observation: Cole’s responses to what seems to me to be an orderly and logical sequence of questions from the receptionist do seem a tad random.
Wapiti
@gene108: On my first colonoscopy, the doctor told me she had removed a polyp and I asked if she had put it in a jar with some formaldehyde so I could take it home. I don’t think she had heard that one before.
zhena gogolia
@Almost Retired:
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Ruckus
@oldster:
As I stated, they kept me awake for my angiogram. One side of the table was docs and the other side was many screens showing everything going on – inside. All the dye as it’s injected. So yes, very interesting to watch.
zhena gogolia
@SuzieC:
Not alcohol, though!
grammypat
@oldster: It’s mostly a mental thing. If you are not psychologically uncomfortable with it, then it’s possible to do it without any drugs and with minimal discomfort.
I agree; no biggie.
I’ve had two in my lifetime … and been awake and alert for both. The docs were surprised when I requested that I be turned to be able to watch the monitor. It was fascinating to watch.
I guess you can say that I’ve had my head up my own ass for quite a while now. ;-)
jl
@Wapiti: I don’t remember ever wanting to see or keep any weird little bits and pieces that the docs have taken off me in the past. Not there have been that many.
But I thought that enough people do want that for it to be a thing. So I’m surprised that the doc was surprised.
zhena gogolia
@MagdaInBlack: Me too, I came back because I’m just so bored today!
rikyrah
I have had two colonoscopies. Don’t remember either one.
You should be fine, Cole.?
jl
@Mike in NC: Trump and his many abject flunkies may be the first time inosculation has been observed in the animal kingdom.
Inosculation
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inosculation
Dan B
@Gin & Tonic: My last colonoscopy the Versed wore off before it was over. I was really nasty complaining about the pain. And the tranquilizer was Fentanyl!!!
I drove my partner home after his procedure. He insisted on going to some boat shop office. He did the complicated paperwork and had zero memory of it. I recall he was mad because I didn’t tell him we’d gone to the shop office. I grumbled that I had no way of knowing if he remembered it or not.
a thousand flouncing lurkers was fidelio
@raven: All I can contribute is to say “Sounds complicated!” and “Good luck!” Since the former is probably not all that helpful, I’ll stick to just “Good luck!”
rikyrah
Worst medical procedure that I have ever experienced was the MRI. Didn’t think that I was claustrophobic, but….???
jl
@rikyrah: I don’t mind BJ commenters going off topic, but there are exceptions.
I am more interested in Cole’s navigation of this interesting ‘tiny town world’ problem.
Edit: I’m less delicate and more boorish than Cole. I don’t care if I see the doc who looked several feet up my butt afterward. They get paid good money to do that, so it’s just business.
Ruckus
@raven:
No kidding! I’ve had shingles. It’s not fun, it hurts like hell, and if it shows up in the wrong place it can cost you functionality. Mine was on my neck and up the side of my face. Didn’t get to my eyes, which you do not want it to. Getting the vaccine is far, far, far, far better.
Jim Appleton
@Uncle Cosmo:
The film “Circle of Friends” was translated in Spanish on a flight from Lima to Miami in 1995 to mean, roughly (cough), “Up the Ass of Friends.”
Ruckus
@Mike in NC:
OK, I think that one wins.
Ruckus
@grammypat:
OK now we have to split the award between you and Mike in NC.
Uncle Cosmo
For one of my earlier Up Mines, a twilight anesthetic was administered:
I recall being mildly curious and modestly interested when the MD had the probe about 1/3 in and he said to his assistant, I need you to press down hard right here with both hands while I push – I’m having trouble getting it past the bend – when if I’d been a bit more awake I would’ve leapt off the table grabbing him by the throat and screaming
Which, I suppose, was the real point of the anesthetic. Of course he did not, perforate, that is, and the procedure went, so to speak, like crap through a goose…
raven
@debbie: No, it’s lumbar and my fracture was T-6.
M. Bouffant
@gene108: Donno if you can get a video, but I was presented w/ two pages of photos of my innards.
raven
@Ruckus: Yep, I got it in my eye and forehead. I flew out there for my sis’s anniversary at Thanksgiving and thought I had a stye. I was finishing my dissertation and it can be stress related but I couldn’t stop. I was lucky that it didn’t impact my vision long term.
PST
The first time I had a colonoscopy, back in the stone age, the hospital did not yet require that you be accompanied. Much to everyone’s surprise, the doctor had to tell me that he’d found a tumor, something he did very nicely. He told me that he and my regular internist had recommendations for a surgeon and an oncologist, and that my doctor was waiting for me to come right over and talk about it, which I found very helpful and reassuring. So the scoping doctor offered to call for a wheelchair to have me transported across the street to the doctor’s office, but I was young and dumb (not yet 50), so I scoffed at that and said I could easily walk. About an hour later, I realized that I was sitting in the waiting room of my dentist’s office, six or eight blocks away. Everyone was looking for me and I had no memory of how I got there.
Chacal Charles Caltrop
Love how the comments about Greene & Goetz appear in the thread about colonoscopies. Not OT at all IMHO.
Ruckus
@rikyrah:
I’d had several MRIs for my lower body before I ever went in head first. I thought it was a lark and had never before had a problem with small spaces. Was going in head first in a now 30+ yr old MRI a wake up call. At least in current machines my shoulders fit in without scrapping the sides. I get at least one a year now – for my cerebral aneurysm. Getting old is fun.
raven
@a thousand flouncing lurkers was fidelio: Here’s what made me feel the best. I told the dude that his colleague did my wife’s back and, when I told her about my back surgery, she said “what they did to you 50 years ago would be barbaric now. he smiled and said “what we would have done to you with this condition TEN years ago would be considered barbaric today! That made me feel good.
SiubhanDuinne
@prostratedragon:
“Little boxes made of crippy-crappy …”
raven
@jl: Exceptions to what, what you mind?
Ruckus
@raven:
No kidding. Mine started on a Saturday night and by the time I got to my doc on Monday morning it had come within a bit more than an inch away from my eye. I should have gone to the ER.
Dan B
@rikyrah: I was surprised at the near panic attack in the MRI. Not the worst medical procedure but I’ll stick to the easiest, IV antibiotics for a cat bite infection. The worst procedures should not be shared.
Ruckus
@raven:
45+ yrs ago I wanted to be a doc. My personal doc would talk to me about this at length and was a huge help. One thing he said was that medicine was changing a lot and to expect things not to be anything like they are today. He was absolutely right. So much has changed, so much of it is so very much better today than then. And one of the great things is that it gets better all the time. Take the Pfizer or Moderna vaccines. Take your surgery. So much has changed in our lifetimes that it’s actually amazing.
satby
Ohio Mom
Wapiti @94:
Most of the the bits and bobs they slice off of you — from whatever part of your body — go to pathology to see if they are benign or not. That would surely include anything removed during a colonoscopy since the whole idea of the procedure is to identify any possible cancers in their earliest stages.
I just had a granuloma cut off my face, something that is always benign, and that got sent to pathology. I guess just in case the dermatologist misidentified it.
I Imagined it was tossed after it got looked at, being benign, but my breast cancer tumor is probably still in the pathology storeroom, encased in wax, eight years later. The state law is that they must keep it seven years, though my onc says the university health system likes to keep them for ten. Unless they start running out of room.
Why do they keep them? Sometimes you want another look. A few years after my surgery, a new genetic test was developed for breast tumors. They cut off a slice, sent it off to the testing company, and I found out I needed to stay on the estrogen blockers for another five years. Which isn’t much fun but is better than a recurrence.
satby
@satby: ran out of time. Link is broken but it went to an old Mayo Clinic article for medical professionals. Gastroenterologists aren’t fans because it undercuts a very lucrative niche they’ve built.
Seanly
Colonoscopy itself wasn’t too bad. I just remember being in the room and then I was in recovery. A worse procedure was getting PICC line so I could take intravenous antibiotics at home. I was awake – maybe just a Valium(?) for that.
I wasn’t a big fan of the colonoscopy prep. The stuff tastes really bad and you want to be on a bland diet to avoid issues as it all tries to void your bowels. Drink as much water as they recommend and then more. They pump you full of air and this causes a lot of post procedure farting, but it cleared up for me pretty quickly.
They did find one benign polyp so I think that puts me on the 5 year plan.
Also, after all the time I spent in hospitals with my wife, I can tell you that nurses and doctors have 1) no desire to discuss your personal results out in public with you, and 2) have seen thousands of bodies both better & worse than yours. This was confirmed by a long time friend who spent years as a nurse in Duke’s cancer ward and was then a hospice nurse.
When my wife was in an induced coma, her body would void whenever it was ready to void. The ICU nurses never complained about it – just part of the job. The only comments I got was that my wife was regular and then one nurse who said my wife has great skin (she does).
satby
@raven: sorry raven, I missed that, but I never heard of it either. Best of luck with the surgery.
debbie
@raven:
So much for my powers of deduction.
jl
@raven: I’ve been scrolling over the colonoscopy talk, if that helps.
Now, fishing talk and pix, that’s an off topic that is always welcome. I’m a lousy at fishing and don’t particularly enjoy it, but for some reason I like hearing about it, I find it relaxing.
satby
@Goku (aka Amerikan Baka): a link rather than copy and pasting a long piece would be better.
Ohio Mom
Seanly @127:
“Not a big fan of the colonoscopy prep”? I don’t understand why everyone on this thread is downplaying how revolting that stuff is.
I’ve had three colonoscopies now and each time have been given the newest, most improved version of the prep.
Each version is as vile as the previous ones, and the last time I started crying because I could not bear the thought of another sip.
Almost Retired
@zhena gogolia: yes that comment would be unintelligible if you don’t watch way too much cable news. The commercials for a do-it-at-home colon cancer test are ubiquitous on CNN and MSNBC. A talking box basically invites you to send your “sample” to a lab for a sort of accurate cancer test. The commercials are very odd.
Miss Bianca
@Ohio Mom: Wow, that was not my experience. I thought the prep was going to be way, way worse than it was. As it is, the “take these two pills, x # of hours apart, and drink a gallon of Gatorade” approach that my doc prescribed proved surprisingly…not that bad, considering.
Abnormal Hiker
Always late to threads where I have some expertise. 13 colonoscopies in last 33 years. First 5 no sedative; not a problem with skilled doctor. After some mild discomfort with a new doctor I began taking demerol. Last one they gave an anesthetic which knocked me out for most of procedure. Prep is no big deal now; back in the day the laxative (CitroMag) was truly vile.
Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)
@satby:
Alright, I’ll keep that in mind for next time
TS (the original)
@Ohio Mom:
Late to the thread but I agree with you 100%. I’ve had one colonoscopy, hated the prep, the event and the afterwards. I guess the positive was there was nothing wrong – doc gave me A+ and from that day on I’ve never had another. Hope to take that idea to the grave.
Denali
@Raven,
I have never heard of this procedure either. Could you explain it a little?
John Cole
@oldster:
I think you need a new dentist because your current one has a really weird route to your teeth.
Ohio Mom
Miss Bianca:
Two pills and Gatorade I could do, if that option is ever offered. The last time was a gallon of a concoction called “GoLytely.” I can’t even begin to describe the taste.
Quiltingfool
@jl: Heh. When I woke up after a colonoscopy, I told him I thought my job was bad (8th grade teacher), but maybe his job was worse? We all laughed…and he was laughing allll the way to the bank!
CaseyL
@Kelly: You can do that until the doctor says you need the colonoscopy – if anyone in your immediate family ever had colon cancer, doctors really want you to have the camera.
The stool sample can only look for cancerous, and possibly precancerous, cells. During a colonoscopy, they look for – and remove – polyps, which apparently tend to turn cancerous.
Plus you get fascinating photographs of your lower GI tract! Better than vacation photos to share with friends and family
PS -Whatever the sedative is – fentanyl? – it’s terrific stuff. I always wake up feeling fantastic and refreshed, like I’ve had a good nap. If that’s what fentanyl does, I can understand why people get addicted to it.
The Moar You Know
I’m a Versed non-responder. I remember everything. Makes light sedation real interesting.
Quiltingfool
@Ohio Mom: Oh, Lord, the prep is awful! I am due to have a colonoscopy, but I really don’t want to drink that vile concoction!
Ohio Mom
Quilting Fool:
I think we should both switch to Miss Bianca’s GI doc. Two pills and Gatorade sounds very doable.
CaseyL
@Miss Bianca: @Ohio Mom: I’ve never heard of “2 pills and a gallon of Gatorade.” One assumes the pills are the laxative…and I guess the concoction they give you to mix with water has all the stuff Gatorade has, the electrolytes and whatnot, so you don’t dehydrate.
Pro tip for anyone worried about doing a last splurt at the clinic while waiting for the procedure: wear an adult diaper when you go to the clinic. You’ll have a chance to get rid of it before they prep you.
Another pro tip: Diaper rash cream is excellent for when you start getting really sore.
Chief Oshkosh
@JanieM: goes down better with mustard.
zhena gogolia
@Ohio Mom:
There used to be a really easy one but people were misusing it to lose weight so it got taken off the market.
zhena gogolia
@Almost Retired: Okay, I never watch cable TV so I haven’t seen those.
PST
@Ohio Mom: I have good news about prep. GoLytely tastes terrible mostly because some of the electrolytes are sulfur compounds. An alternative called NuLytely has been around for years and has other electrolytes that aren’t nearly so bad. Nice and icy cold, you hardly notice it. (Mmm, electrolytes. It has what plants need, for all you Idiocracy fans.)
zhena gogolia
@Chacal Charles Caltrop:
hahaha
zhena gogolia
@John Cole:
Another hahaha
JustRuss
@Ruckus: Had shingles a few years ago, on my face, and got misdiagnosed for about a week. Very lucky it didn’t get to my eyes, it was close. Mine didn’t really hurt much, leading to the misdiagnosis.
Laura Too
@raven: Late as usual, hope you see this. I haven’t heard of the surgery you need, but it sound like it should go really well. You have lots of us here keeping you in our thoughts. Hugs!
raven
@Denali:
Minimally invasive endoscopic spinal cord untethering: case report
chrisanthemama
If you’re an asshole, then I like the cut of your jib anyway. “Cold-calling”!
BigJimSlade
@JanieM: It should be written by Steve.
BigJimSlade
@gene108: I had the cheap drugs, so I wasn’t out cold – watched the whole thing on tv. Looks just like Katie Couric’s.
BigJimSlade
@trollhattan: Lol, I’ve got an Olympus, too. Their medical equipment scandal taints it a bit for me, but it works well as a hiking and travel camera (which is all I use any camera for).
J R in WV
After my first (only) colonoscopy I came to in the hallway, putting on my shoes listening the doctor telling Wife and I that things looked great.
Then we went to the Thai place across the RR tracks from the hospital for lunch. Was great~!~
\
Haven’t had another since… colon issues are not usually a problem in my family…
Have been irritated by Humana sending me quizes about my health care for years now, I’m not inclined to answer their inane questions about my Dr. appointments, no matter how good/bad/indifferent the results are.
billcinsd
@Ohio Mom: I had Golytely for one of my colonoscopies, it was fine for me. It wasn’t the greatest drink I have ever had, but it wasn’t anywhere near revolting either
Ruckus
@JustRuss:
Mine hurt bad.
And I have personally been hit literally head on by a truck.
And I wasn’t in a vehicle. I know hurt.
I’ve had a herniated disk. I know hurt.
Etc, Etc.
You lucky bastard. (said in complete admiration)