I needed a cigarette (chocolate) after this from the Washington Post:
On the Internet, former president Donald Trump is sliding toward something he has fought his entire life: irrelevance.
Online talk about him has plunged to a five-year low. He’s banned or ignored on pretty much every major social media venue. In the last week, Trump’s website — including his new blog, fundraising page and online storefront — attracted fewer estimated visitors than the pet-adoption service Petfinder and the recipe site Delish.
It.Gets.Better:
In March, Trump’s senior adviser, Jason Miller, said a new Trump social media platform would be revealed within three months and draw “tens of millions of people” to become “the hottest ticket” in social media.
“It’s going to completely redefine the game,” he said in a Fox News interview, “and everybody is going to be waiting and watching to see what exactly President Trump does.”
Trump’s team unveiled their new website this month by circulating a cinematic trailer, in which soaring orchestral music plays as the camera zooms from space into Mar-a-Lago over the words: “In a time of silence and lies, a beacon of freedom arises.”
Or not:
The long-hyped site was just a blog: a primitive one-way loudspeaker that lacked most of the technical features that define the modern Web, like the per-post comment sections that older blogging sites such as LiveJournal have had for 20 years. The blog, Miller tweeted, was separate from the new social media platform he had promised, which he said would still be coming “in the very near future.”
Hey, when even a top-10,000 politics, pets, gardening and crankitude blog can handle comments, the Trump team grasp of modern media is…underwhelming.
My favorite bit, I have to say, was the awesome return of Death Star Man himself, Brad Parscale:
Trump advisers say the blog is low-quality and unimpressive and have faulted Brad Parscale, the former Trump campaign manager whose company built the site and runs the political campaign software Campaign Nucleus, for several technical glitches and inexplicable delays.
Say not so, says suspiciously enriched tech-bro-remora Parsale:
“These comments came from the same people who have never done anything for Trump but talk. My company spent the last six years building products that helped the president spread his message around the world. And we happily continue to do so,” Parscale said. “The website is built exactly as we pitched it.”
“Exactly as we pitched it” is, I believe, what the Titanic’s designers had to say on April 16, 1912.
Go read the whole thing. You deserve a giggle.
This thread, it is open. Viciously gleeful comments especially appreciated.
Image: Hendrik Gerritsz Pot, Wagon of Fools, 1637. This image is close to my heart, because not only is it an allegory of folly in general, it is a satire specific to the Tulip Mania that was ancestral kin to the South Sea Bubble on which I’ve spent a fair amount of blood, sweat and tears. Enjoy!
The Replies To Belarus’s Act of War Today Are, So Far, Insufficient
Rocks
So it was good for you too?
Frankensteinbeck
Called it.
Tom Levenson
@Rocks: Oh, yes.
dmsilev
Way back when, in the more innocent times of the 2008 Presidential campaign, The Daily Show did mock versions of the biographical videos for the candidates at each convention. The one they made for Obama started out on a similar vein. Except, of course, that one was deliberately a satirical joke.
jl
Almost top 10,000. Let’s not let this newest Trump Fail lead us into pride, which goeth before destruction.
The article could be accused of smearing the pets adoption blog and Delish (from which I’ve gotten a few good recipes) . But might get them more clicks, so no prob there in the end.
Benw
Today’s been a day. Here’s video pointing out that cops are white supremacists. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWXazVhlyxQ
dmsilev
Speaking of Mr. not-even-the-worst-Miller:
jl
“everybody is going to be waiting and watching to see what exactly President Trump does.”
Staged head-on train wrecks used to be a big draw at state fairs.
jl
huh, more of these on the intertubes than I remember a couple of years ago.
HEAD ON TRAIN WRECK!!!! Staged Wreck from 1930’s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0e-jRpFik3c
Redshift
I find it somewhat fascinating how all GOP tech types seem to sincerely believe that the sizzle is the steak and hype is what matters, not results. I suppose it’s one facet of the GOP becoming nothing but one endless grift.
It’s not just TFG’s remoras, either. I remember after the Obama campaign’s really solid cloud technology in 2008, the 2012 Romney campaign proudly announced “Project Orca,” in terms much like Parscale’s Death Star. It turned out to be… an app for reporting turnout. That was delivered too late for anyone to learn it. And didn’t work.
dmsilev
@Redshift: I remember that! Many ‘FailWhale’ jokes ensued.
jl
@Redshift: ” And it didn’t work.”
Capsule summary of many campaign aps.
But some techie things work like magic. Here’s a clip of a kangaroo and a wombat who fell in love.
Wombat And Kangaroo Are Obsessed With Each Other | The Dodo Odd Couples
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZwo9PtIHZU
Eljai
I thought trump demoted Parscale last year for screwing up his Tulsa rally, among other things. I guess no one else was stupid enough to take the job this time around. Bwahahahahaha.
NotMax
Nitwitter.
Poe Larity
Why isn’t there a TrumpCoin already?
jl
@Poe Larity: ” Why isn’t there a TrumpCoin already? ”
Build a new blockchain when you can just ask suckers to click a link and hoover cash out of their credit card every month far into the foreseeable future?
Too much work, inefficient. No need to reinvent the wheel.
Edit: plus, too many swindlers in the cryptocurrency world that Trumpsters would have to deal with. They’d lose the money like a baby dropping candy while it fell asleep. Donnie would insist on having the only passcode on paper in his back pocket, the others who kept a copy anyway would have run off after they syphoned off enough cash to retire in luxury. I’m sure some of Trump’s handlers know this and are keeping that disaster at bay.
Redshift
@Poe Larity:
Probably because there’s no one in the T camp smart enough to realize it’s a Ponzi scheme they could be running on their gullible marks. Bannon might have tried it by now if he hadn’t been indicted.
Redshift
@jl:
If someone did start running TrumpCoin it’s a dead certainty that no such system would ever be built. Their target marks are people gullible enough to fall for pitches to own gold because “it will be safe when the financial system collapses,” but which don’t get you actual physical gold, only certificates that say you own gold.
Redshift
@jl:
More than fair. The Biden campaign’s custom peer outreach app never worked for me (I think the iPhone version may have worked better.) Luckily that was not their killer campaign tech, and the other systems they used worked pretty well.
Poe Larity
@jl: My thinking would be that you bring a crew with skillz, offer him 50%, let it run up and then reveal it’s hosted on Hugo Chavez’s Dominion Voting Servers in Ukraine after you’ve shorted it.
Kelly
So Mrs Kelly pulled a bottom kitchen drawer completely out looking for a missing lid. Found it washed it, put the drawer back. Drawer will not close all the way. Thinks she has it on the tracks wrong. Calls me in to help diagnose the problem. While I’m sliding the drawer back and forth a mournful sound comes from the depths of the counter. Cat Phoebe is looking concerned. Where is Martin? We remove the drawer again and out pops cat Martin freaked out but otherwise unharmed.
CaseyL
Addicts need ever-bigger jolts to get the same high. Trump isn’t omnipresent anymore to provide the ever-bigger jolts. It looks like only the most thoroughly addicted have followed him to his blog.
The rest might come flooding back when/if Trump starts campaigning again. It’ll be instructive to see how his rallies do.
Or they might fasten onto the next GQP who can push all their hate buttons. MTG is a good bet for that; she’s even more unhinged than Trump. I wonder if she’ll decide to run for the Presidency in 2024?
jl
@Kelly: another capsule summary, in parable form, of many bright idea aps
Edit: glad the cat was OK.
Steeplejack
It will be interesting to see if:
jl
@Kelly: Reminds me of a cat on the farm which liked to sleep on top of an old Ford 150 engine block, which was still in regular use. We found out when we were driving the truck out towards a field and heard some weird yeowling noises after a few minutes. Getting too hot for the cat I’d guess or the fumes bothered it.
So, whenever we used that truck, we’d remember to check under the hood before driving it off. And had to shoo the cat away a few times before it quit. Miracle that it survived that stunt.
Edit: I remember being very nervous when we opened the hood, since we had a hunch a cat was in there, and I was very afraid of what we’d find. But, it was OK.
Danielx
For the 4,407th time over the last four years, immediate reaction is “these fucking people”.
Ruckus
@Danielx:
It looks like you stopped counting a long time ago, to have that small a number.
SFAW
@Redshift:
“But I have an NFT for a blog which looks like a social media site! And I say it’s worth 100 gazillion BlivetCoins! Which is the most ever! Jared helped Miller and Parboil set it up for me! I bet those RINOs in
GeorgiaArizonaPennsyltucky will try to give it to Sleepy Joe! SPLUNGE!!!!”HumboldtBlue
How much you wanna bet that this was Cole’s strategy to get a date when he was a hip young swinging bachelor?
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Steeplejack: I can answer your last question, no. All he will talk about is how he was cheated and it’s not fair.
RaflW
“My company spent the last six years building products that helped the president lose reelection. But I got some nice cars outta the deal.”
I’m incredibly thankful that TFG is surrounded by even lower quality hires than he would be, if anyone was dumb enough to employ him.
But our next pretender to the throne may not be as shiftless and clumsy.
HumboldtBlue
@dmsilev:
I had forgotten how funny that was. Howling.
jl
@Ruckus: Almost exactly three times a day, every day. Sounds like a good schedule to me. Need discipline and to pace yourself, if you need to go to work and stuff.
RaflW
@Steeplejack: Rallies that don’t have P.A. systems, stages, security, port-a-potties etc aren’t really rallies.
What contractors are going to work for TFG with out fully paid deposits?
Steeplejack (phone)
@?BillinGlendaleCA:
Hopefully that will make him even less attractive and relevant. The circus always needs new acts.
guachi
Trump’s lazy, so it’s no surprise he’s falling into irrelevance.
jl
@Steeplejack: A spate of rallies? They can’t even afford a splurge or a surge. Sounds like they need dough, and they’re hoping the marks come flush with cash.
jl
Trump will be very cranky after so many have failed him, not treasoning him into a second term, so surely a lot of airing of grievances at the rallies.
So, maybe they mean a spat of rallies.
rikyrah
@Kelly:
????
The cat
???
HumboldtBlue
Charles Barkley took a break during the first half of the Sixers win over D.C. Shaq called him out.
LesGS
@jl: Back when I was a teen, my mom took the car to an automatic car wash where the drivers got out and the car went through the machine by itself on a track. She was in the waiting area with some other folks, when an attendant came in with a limp, soaking wet cat in his hands, asking, “Does this belong to anyone?” She looked at him (wet cats look weird) and replied, “I think its mine.” I’m actually pretty grateful she said so, because Fritz (yes, I know now, but didn’t then) was mine, and she never really liked him. Needless to say, Fritz never climbed into the car again.
Torrey
Silver lining for Trump in falling short of Petfinder in attracting visitors: at least he’s not getting clicks “like a dog.”
jl
@Torrey: This is not the dog you’re looking for. You can go about your business. Move along.
Mike G
“In a time of Republican silence and lies, TFG eats bacon and freedom fries.”
VeniceRiley
Why aren’t weasels like Peter Thiel and Palmer Lucky helping him out?
jl
@VeniceRiley: Weasels are darn smart, they know when to move on to better prospects.
Morzer
@Kelly: Martin The Cat That Lived
joel hanes
@HumboldtBlue:
Nah. He used the old drop-the-jar-of-mustard trick in the supermarket aisle.
trollhattan
@jl:
Don’t know what’s better, the joey and wombat pals or the narration. SO cute but lordy, wombats “built like a tank” is not an exaggeration. Around the house?
mrmoshpotato
Say it with me! WEAK! SAD! POOP!
mrmoshpotato
Hahaha!
karen marie
@guachi: TFG is losing his audience because he’s nothing but grievance and they want action.
Dan B
There was something about the Fools Wagon that seemed to make it clear these passengers are fools. Then lightbulb-voila! No steering. No brakes! Nice subliminal message and apt allegory for Trumpists
Good choice.
HumboldtBlue
There is something about a foot race. I’m a beat you to that line.
Baud
In a spirit of unity, I applaud Trump for saying no to threaded comments.
Geminid
The North Carolina Republican convention will be Saturday June 5, and trump will speak. This may be a preview of trump’s rally patter. News media will be excluded, but an audio recording will likely come out. Unless organizers do an effective search of the donors and party faithful in order to keep recording devices out, which would be a story in itself.
If trump does hold rallies this summer, an obvious place would be Virginia, where Republican Glenn Youngkin is candidate for Governor in the November state election. I doubt if Youngkin will want trump in Virginia. Virginia’s typical voting pattern was a Democratic voting dropoff in it’s off-year state elections. This pattern was shattered in the 2017 and 2019 elections. Democrats and some candid Republicans credited trump for being a powerful GOTV force- for Democrats.
So Youngkin probably won’t want trump in Virginia. His election prospects depend on putting Virginia Democrats to sleep. But will Youngkin have a choice? trump’s hunger for relevance may override Youngkin’s desire for an anodyne campaign. Virginia Democrats will be looking for ways to goad trump into bringing his freakshow to their state.
JAFD
I’m not a morning person…
Started reading BJ as first cuppa brewing. Thot end of first ‘quote box’ was ‘selling life insurance’. Probably is better that it ain’t
Have a very good week, all youse jackals !
Brachiator
Does Trump still go golfing? I don’t even see that covered anymore.
It’s weird how that ass clown Fox White House reporter keeps trying to keep Trumpism alive, but the rest of the world treats the Orange Beast like the Covid virus. We want to forget about Trump and get back to normal.
Quinerly
@dmsilev:
How many of men can look in the mirror and honestly say that they have never slipped an abortion pill into the smoothie of a stripper they impregnated while cheating on their wives?
HeartlandLiberal
“…by circulating a cinematic trailer, in which soaring orchestral music plays as the camera zooms from space into Mar-a-Lago…”
Can Leni Riefenstahl (or her ghost, or estate) sue Trump for obvious plagiarism of the opening of her classic Hitler propaganda film, “Sieg des Willen?”
Chris Johnson
@CaseyL:
I’d be less concerned about MTG on the grounds that she is a woman. I don’t think the folks we’re concerned about would go for a female leader, even a bonkers-crazy one saying all the right things.
What would scare me is if a particular narrative played out. I’m keeping a close eye on Madison Cawthorn, who seems perfect for these people, except for the wheelchair. But it’s very useful to them, as a prop.
If that particular guy played his cards just right, got increasing amounts of attention, and then had a mein Fuhrer, I can walk! moment, especially if it’s televised… which would be a HELL of a well-planned long con if that could even happen… well, my God, forget Donald Trump. The loonies would have a new messiah, as sure as shit.
I’m pretty sure to pull off a cultural moment like that the guy would have to dramatically rise from his wheelchair and walk, probably swearing that God had healed him so he could lead the white race etc etc… and for that to happen, Cawthorn would have to be a complete work of fiction from the getgo designed to do that sort of stunt. I’m not prepared to say that’s plausible, but it’s unsettlingly POSSIBLE.
Hope when the time comes for that dude to rise up and lead the white race in its vengeance etc etc, that he cannot literally rise up and ‘transform’ himself into the exact sort of calculated demagogue we’ve been wary of. Compared to a stunt like that, MTG’s got nothing. She is a koolaid drinker. To rise up again, the Right needs someone intentionally conning them, and those that con themselves (like Trump) don’t have staying power.
ET
Twitter was the former guy’s biggest platform and Brad did not build that.
NorthLeft12
I think it is very unfair of us to expect Deadbeat Donald’s crew of experts to pivot away from their never ending dedication to creating the perfect healthcare system, to immediately design, build, and start up the greatest social network of all time.
I give them about three Friedman units before the big reveal.
bmoak
@Chris Johnson:
Wasn’t that the plot of the movie Bob Roberts?
evodevo
@Chris Johnson:
Dear Leader in a wheelchair…hmmm…why does this image conjure up memories of Sleeper?
Gravenstone
A preview of the trajectory for the “Sweet meteor of death”?
Mike in NC
Like Matt Gaetz, Jason Miller is another dirtbag that Trump wishes were his son.
WaterGirl
@Kelly: Oh, yikes! I am so glad that no one tried slamming the drawer really hard. Yikes. So glad that no animals were harmed during the not-being-filmed event.
MontyTheClipArtMongoose
@VeniceRiley: thiel moved on to sen. j.d. vance (q – oh).
glc
On my screen, at least, this post ends with a blank text box.
?
Splitting Image
I don’t have much to add to the article, but since gleefully vicious comments are welcome, let me say that I hope the former guy dies a horrible, painful death wallowing in his own resentment. Preferably in the total obscurity he deserves. It gives me great pleasure to see that he has already started.
J R in WV
Didn’t we used to hear about folks being paid to show up at
TrumpTFG rallies?If that was so back then, how much can TFG expect people to pay to attend his new season of rallies?
$Zero$ is what I expect people would pay to get in to see TFG. Maybe a couple of bucks if Ted Nugent was going to play Cat Scratched Fever… maybe not then either…
Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony
My fear is that Trump is like Herpes. Mostly we will be in remission, but will keep getting these awful, ugly outbreaks.
Boris Rasputin (the evil twin)
Exactly as we pitched it” is, I believe, what the Titanic’s designers had to say on April 16, 1912.
Hardly fair. The lead designer, Thomas Andrews, inspected the damage, told the captain the Very Bad News, and spent the rest of his life getting people off his ship. He went down with Titanic, which is more than anyone will do with the sinking TFG.
The Lodger
@evodevo: or Guy Caballero, the network president from Second City TV.