Every now and then I run across a bit of news that cries out for use in fiction. The latest came last week while I was perusing the less prominent, more interesting parts of the Washington Post. Powerball mystery: Someone in this tiny town won $731 million. Now everyone wants a piece of it:
LONACONING, MD. — There haven’t been a lot of big wins in this little town tucked between gentle green mountains in Maryland’s far western reaches. Coal brought work, then took it away. The railroad meant prosperity, then stopped running. They made glass here, and then they didn’t.
These days, the line of cars at the First Assembly of God food giveaway is so long that the volunteers split each box into two smaller portions to feed more families.
But over the past few weeks, Lonaconing — the locals call it “Coney” — has acquired a new shine, a glint of gold in iron country. Sometime in late January, someone bought a Powerball lottery ticket at the Coney Market, and that ticket’s six numbers won the big one — $731 million, the biggest jackpot ever in Maryland and the fifth-richest payout in U.S. history.
That someone lives in Lonaconing, according to the owner of the market. But because Maryland is one of seven states that allow lottery winners to remain anonymous, and because the winner is no fool, the identity of that someone isn’t public.
The fact that someone in this town of 1,200 people (just 400 families, actually, down by half over the past 50 years) is suddenly Midas-rich has caused some strange things to happen.
(Apparently lottery winners can’t be anonymous in most states–why is that? Is it an anti-corruption thing?)
People from around the country are writing to, and even visiting, the store owner, begging him to forward requests for money to the winners. People are making the winding drive into town just to buy tickets with the winning numbers. Townies are impatient for the winner to donate money to help the struggling town. Its businesses are struggling; its seniors have insufficient fixed incomes; “mine water” sometimes befouls its sinks.
And the question remains on everybody’s minds: who won? Anonymous letters are circulating naming various people. Things are perhaps getting a little tense.
There’s a joke that you can improve any story by adding a five-word sentence in after the first one, and that’s exactly where my fiction-addled mind went. That sentence? And then the murders began. Obviously I don’t want this to actually happen, but you know what? I’d watch that show.
Open thread! Let’s try to keep it respiteful.
Senator Schumer Tells the World What Is Going To Happen Today and This Week: SPOILER!!! It Is Not Voting On The For the People Act!
Jerzy Russian
I have always thought the ideal jackpot for me would be about $500,000 after taxes. I could pay off the house, buy a new car, maybe a new table saw, etc. I would get some good benefits, but it would not be so radically life changing (I could stay in the house, keep working at my job, etc.)
Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes
This is such an Appalachian story of hoped-for mooching, complete with the stupid mooks driving down to buy new lotto tickets. Hopefully, the winner turns his back on them and quietly ghosts them all as undeserving louts.
Old School
The anti-corruption explanation makes sense to me.
MattF
Just started reading Katherine Addison’s ‘The Witness For The Dead’, set in the same world as her earlier and excellent ‘The Goblin Emperor’. Also excellent, so far.
Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes
If I won a big lottery jackpot, I’d use the money to buy the residential mortgages of people I hate, and would make it my mission to be the mortgage servicer from hell.
Uncle Cholmondeley
Many years ago the WaPo Sunday magazine did a long (and excellent) article on Powerball winner Jack Whittaker. He was a rural or small town West Virginian who won what was at that point the largest jackpot in history. And it was a curse. Hopefully whoever won this jackpot is learning some of his lessons.
dr. luba
@Old School:
I was under the impression that it was to gin up interest in the lottery, i.e. to help with advertising.
Could be a bit of both.
Citizen Alan
I don’t really play lotto. I kick in $10 to an office pool every 2 weeks but without any expectation of winning. If I ever won any significant amount, I’d put the whole thing into an annuity or trust with a decent but not excessive monthly payout going to myself and to the three people in the world I care enough about to look after (none are actual family members) and the remainder going to charity after I die.
trollhattan
@Jerzy Russian:
I will not be sated until I win enough to start my own private rocketry and space travel company. It’s what the cool guys do.
Mary G
@MattF: OOOH, I had missed that and I loved the Goblin Emperor, thank you for letting me know.
Jerzy Russian
@Uncle Cholmondeley: Wasn’t that dude already relatively rich when he won that jackpot? That makes the “curse” part a bit more puzzling (the curse is still understandable).
dr. luba
It’s been a while since I read this article but, IIRC, it was a group/club that purchased the winning ticket.
Checked: yes, a group called the “Power Pack.” And all the members wisely keeping silent.
Cheryl from Maryland
Most lotteries required winners to be public to advertise the state’s lottery. Back then only a few states had a lottery, so adverting was helpful to get the nooks to come.
Baud
I would buy a blog and code it to perfection.
Major Major Major Major
@MattF: oh cool, didn’t know that was out.
Jerzy Russian
@trollhattan: Don’t get me wrong. If I won several hundred million dollars I would deal with it the best I could.
Uncle Cholmondeley
@Uncle Cholmondeley: Here’s the cite to the story. I pulled it from ProQuest but you could try reading it online
Rich Man, Poor Man; Jack Whittaker’s big Powerball win cost him — and everyone around him — dearly
Major Major Major Major
@dr. luba: yep! This just makes the murders even more intriguing, of course.
jonas
@Uncle Cholmondeley: Someone a few years ago — forget who/when — actually did a study on lottery jackpot winners and how their lives changed when they became rich. Most blow it all on worthless shit or get conned by relatives and financial “advisers” and end up unhappier than they were before they ever had money. A few end up both richer and happier, but the key was that they were mostly decent, happy people who were content with their lives before they won.
That said a small, down-on-its-heels rural town where an anonymous neighbor wins a massive jackpot *is* a great premise for a Netflix series or something. Well done.
eclare
@Uncle Cholmondeley: I remember reading that too. The win truly was a curse for his whole family.
dr. luba
@Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes: And then there’s this:
Maybe if they stopped voting for GOP anti-government politicians, that would get taken care of by the appropriate authority!
dr. luba
@Major Major Major Major: “Ten Little Lottery Winners”
Dorothy A. Winsor
My publisher actually does have a novel about this: 900 Miles by E J Runyon. The character doesn’t tell anyone she won. Her problem then becomes that it’s hard to spend without people noticing
frosty
@Jerzy Russian: Yes. You don’t want so much money that you need an entourage. Entourages are expensive!
trollhattan
No kidding. “I hate the leaky water pipes and failed sewage plant, but don’t raise mah taxes!”
Old School
Mrs. School likes to watch a show about lottery winners buying a new house. When I see it, I’m always amused at the part at the beginning of each episode where the winners are telling their story and the host acts surprised when the story ends with them winning.
Mary G
My mom played the CA lottery faithfully since it began, using 5 digits of our birthday plus my age at the time, 31. She had a lucky scantron she’d take to 7-11 and buy 10 weeks at a time, $20 for the two weekly drawings. She never won more than ten bucks until she died 24 years later. I threw the scantron away and did not continue buying her numbers, but I still feel guilty about it at times.
Major Major Major Major
@Dorothy A. Winsor: oh neat! Doesn’t look very murderous though ?
Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA)
Just going to take a moment to recommend the movie Waking Ned Devine, if you haven’t seen it yet. An elderly man wins the lottery but dies when the numbers are announced, A couple of his friends decide to handle the situation. Sweet silliness ensues.
Ken
@trollhattan: “Don’t raise my taxes – take the rich guy’s money instead!” No wonder the GQP does its best to keep its base focused on trans student athletes and Dr. Seuss.
Ken
Move. Move far away. I wouldn’t be surprised if Lonaconing’s population decreases by another ten families over the next year.
WaterGirl
M4:
So we’re supposed be spiteful, and then spiteful again?
Or find a previous occasion when we were spiteful, and re-do that? :-)
Spanky
Waking Ned Devine went there first with the small town lottery winner premise, but iirc the only corpse was Ned’s. Oh, and one woman who was “bumped off” (to not provide a spoiler).
Major Major Major Major
@Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA): Warning: elderly nudity!
MisterForkbeard
If I won $730 million in a town of 400 families, I’d put a lot of thought into how I could use that in my community.
Something like 5% of that ($35 million) divided amongst the 400 families could get each family $90k on average, which is life-changing for a lot of these people. Even a couple million donated to local development or programs would be enormously helpful and might help turn the town around, or at least give people a chance to retool and/or leave.
So I get everyone asking for help. Small towns have gotten hosed (especially due to Republican policies that continually punish them economically), and these people have voted for these policies. So it kind of sucks on both ends. In which case – err on the side of helping people.
Major Major Major Major
@Spanky: Really Shirley Jackson wrote the canonical small town lottery story, though ;)
Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes
@dr. luba:
Thats one of those places where 9 out of 10 votes are for the GOP because of, you know, “them”.
Just One More Canuck
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
And then the murders began
Mart
@Old School: (Apparently lottery winners can’t be anonymous in most states–why is that? Is it an anti-corruption thing?) My understanding is they want to use your happy face with the giant check for advertising purposes.
Omnes Omnibus
I have read that one of the keys to dealing with a windfall of any kind is to take 10% of it and spending as wildly as you want: hookers and blow, Ferraris, Pygmy giraffes, etc. Then, with the rest, buy a house, pay off debts, and invest sensibly. That 10% will usually have satisfied most people’s wild side and dumb spending for spending’s sake will get boring. It makes sense to me.
piratedan
@Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA): a perfectly lovely movie, with exquisite trad music interludes…
Jeffery
Sounds like the beginning of a Shirley Jackson book.
Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes
@MisterForkbeard:
Nah. Once you’ve quietly moved away, you send them an open letter telling them why you left, and how they deserve the policies they vote for. Let them know that if they’d have been better, more tolerant, loving people, you’d have been happy to stay and shower money on them, but that you don’t really see the point in continuing to support their cretinous ways.
If it makes one racist old granny to ponder it while eating a remaindered can of cheap cat food, then it’s worth it.
feebog
Not murders, disappearances. Names keep being floated and people start disappearing. Why kill the golden goose when you can kidnap them and extort their fortune?
dmsilev
@Just One More Canuck: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. And then the murders began.”
Checks out.
Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes
@Omnes Omnibus:
How much does a pygmy giraffe sell for, and can it be transported in the Ferrari? Would it be the lure for the hookers?
Spanky
@Major Major Major Major: My sister was in a production of that in high school. Looking back now, it surprises me that The Authorities would allow that in the mid-60s. I very much doubt it would come off these days.
Kent
It is mostly for promotional purposes. State lottery agencies rightly understand that the publicity about winners generates continued interest in the lottery. It is all about selling more lottery tickets and splashy news articles about real winners generates a lot more interest than anonymous winners. There might also be public open records laws in some states where if they are going to write a $100 million check with public funds the public has a right to know where it is going.
But as jackpots have grown to stratospheric levels due to these multi-state powerball games it has gotten to the point that winners of that much extraordinary wealth get hounded out of their lives. You shouldn’t have to abandon your entire life and move to some wealthy private enclave just because you win the lottery. I think lotteries in general are a tax on the stupid and a waste of effort. But if they are going to do them it would make sense to have say a hundred $1-million winners rather than one $100-million winner.
True story. My wife had a great aunt who won the lottery in Chile. That same week before she got the payout she was hit by a car crossing the street and killed. So all the money went to her good-for-nothing sons. The family still talks about it.
Spanky
@Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes: Ah. To continue the literary thread here, you’re getting into The Man Who Corrupted Hadleyburg territory.
jefft452
“Townies are impatient for the winner to donate money to help the struggling town.”
I cant even
not only expecting a hand out but impatient that it hasnt already been handed out
Spanky
Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.
And then the murders began.
Major Major Major Major
@dmsilev: One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug.
And then the murders began.
Barbara
@Uncle Cholmondeley: Everything about this story was sad and infuriating. I am not reading it again, but as I recall, the gist was that his generosity often came with a cost in dignity that made it hard to bear, and when he suffered his own loss — his granddaughter died of a drug overdose — he used his influence to come down hard on others whose liability was not obvious.
CaseyL
It was a group purchase?
I can’t imagine anyone just driving through a town like that for no reason, unless it’s near a highway on the way to somewhere else, but that could be exactly what happened: a group traveling together stopped in this little podunk town to buy lottery tickets and then continued on their way.
There is a feeling, justified or not, that you have a better chance of winning huge lottos if you buy your tickets in a Nowheresville town. You don’t have to live there, just drive on through.
Chief Oshkosh
@Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA): That IS a great movie. Thanks for reminding me. I’m off to see if I can watch if for free somewhere (having not won the lottery…yet).
James E Powell
It’s a little like Steinbeck’s The Pearl.
I’ve used Chekov’s “The Lottery Ticket” in class. A take on a man imagining what will happen if he wins the lottery.
Roger Moore
@Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes:
Good luck with that. Almost all mortgages these says are sold off and securitized. You might be able to buy the right to service the mortgage, but getting the actual mortgage is nearly impossible.
Blithershout
@Cheryl from Maryland: Smart folks in states that require disclosure create llc’s or trusts and have attorneys handle the details without disclosing who they are.
Kent
I’ve lived in small towns and I would personally not give a dime to any individual. At best If I were in that position, I might “endow” some sort of community resource like an aquatic center or park complex or youth center that the younger generation could make use of. Or something related to economic development for the young. Like a program of interest at the local community college if there is one. Kind of like MacKenzie Scott is doing with her billions. She is using her donations to seed existing institutions and programs so they can expand and thrive.
Barbara
@MisterForkbeard: If I won that kind of money I would consider how best to use it to advance education of all kinds at every level. It’s what I do now with my vastly inferior resources. I would definitely provide money for my niece’s college fund. I might also hire a professional organizer to spend a week with my husband. I think one should formulate concrete goals for this kind of thing.
MattF
I know that the NYT arouses mixed feelings– and for good reasons, but the Science section really has a certain je ne sais quoi. Note, e.g., the headline on this article (say it aloud).
SFBayAreaGal
Chief Oshkosh
@MisterForkbeard:
Not to go all Ayn Rand, but based on my experience with various family members living in a handful of small towns, giving $90k to each family will result in a bunch of con artists coming out of the woodwork and from out of town, and poof, there goes most of the money. And worse, now a lot of families will add a major failure to their fond memories.
I know I would be inclined to help people, but HOW I would do it, and WHAT constitutes real help, would take some thinking.
Barbara
@Kent: It is widely believed that Laurene Jobs funds POSSE, which is a program that focuses on assisting kids who are the first in their generation to attend college, starting in high school. It’s an incredible program, and the main donors were anonymous (at least they were when my kids’ friends were partiipating).
Major Major Major Major
@CaseyL: the store owner says it was a resident, as do the anonymous claimants.
Anonymous At Work
Quick Check of Google shows that it is a transparency for the lottery process against the privacy of persons who might suddenly have a lot more money than they know what to do with. Apparently, there have been deaths as a result of these announcements.
Omnes Omnibus
@Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes: I have yet to win the lottery. And, aside from the obligatory hookers and blow, I would probably opt for a vintage Aston Martin and no tiny herbivores. YMMV. And really good skis.
MisterForkbeard
@Chief Oshkosh: Definitely a good point. I’d spend a lot of time with attorneys and planners ti try to make whatever benefit program equitable and useful.
Old School
@MisterForkbeard:
You can’t give families $90K! From what I’m told, just giving families an extra $300 makes them never want to work again. $90K and the world would stop functioning!
SFBayAreaGal
California resident winners
https://www.dailynews.com/2021/01/13/5-things-to-know-about-winning-mega-millions-or-powerball-in-california/
Ken
Mike Mulligan had a steam shovel, a beautiful red steam shovel. Her name was Mary Anne. Mike Mulligan was very proud of Mary Anne. And then the murders began.
Captain C
@dr. luba: “Sorry, only registered Democrats get help. Maybe some will trickle down to the others.”
Captain C
@Dorothy A. Winsor:
Kind of like Jimmy Conway’s gang after the Lufthansa heist, possibly including the danger that you’ll get offed.
SFBayAreaGal
New Hampshire judge rules $560M Powerball winner can remain anonymous
https://abcnews.go.com/US/hampshire-judge-rules-560m-powerball-winner-remain-anonymous/story?id=53689185
Soprano2
If I were that person (or those people), I would set up an endowment for the town government that could be self-sustaining, by paying out only “x” amount of money every year to the town’s government, probably with certain stipulations (the money can’t be used to lower any taxes, for example). Then let them decide how to spend it. I don’t think I’d give money to the individual townspeople, or I might set up a different endowment to do that, so much every year. After I did that, I’d move far, far away.
As a person who did inherit a substantial amount of money from my sister’s estate, I agree with the idea “blow a small percentage of it”. Most of my indulgent spending was on new clothes because I had lost weight and needed them, and to replace the car that was totaled by a probably drunk driver (it was a hit and run) the night before my sister’s memorial. (You know the country song “I Drive Your Truck”? I did that – I drove my sister’s car for about 3 months, until I could buy a new one. To this day I cannot listen to more than a couple of lines of that song without bursting into tears, because I actually did that!) I was able to pay cash for that car, and it was a new car. That’s the first time I ever bought a new car. We also paid off all of our debt, which was mostly credit cards and a loan we took out to build my husband’s workshop (our house was already paid off). Money doesn’t solve all of your problems (and it gives you new ones, believe it or not), but it does make the ones you have left more bearable because you don’t have to scrape and scrimp all the time just to have a decent life. I’ve also been able to help a few of my relatives by loaning them money, which they have always paid back without any problem, and I set up investment accounts for all of the children of my nieces and nephews, which they will be able to access when they are 18. I passed on those college only accounts, because who am I to dictate to them that they must attend a certain kind of school, or even any school at all? It’s gratifying to me that I can do this small thing to help them. I have 5 of those accounts now, and will be doing a 6th one in August when my youngest niece has her first baby. I like to think my sister would approve of my use of her money.
OH, and we took a river cruise to Europe, that was another indulgence.
sdhays
@Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes: Considering your ‘nym, I would expect nothing less.
Tony Jay
Oh, I’ve already got my Big Lottery Plan laid out and costed. Six month world tour (pandemic permitting) while the architect constructs The House, a triskelon-shaped stately home with kid zones in the attic and a full-on network of secret passageways and hidden catacombs (with storage and power generators for Brexitopocalypse) consisting of three sprawling wings around themed courtyards, one wing each for Family, Guests and Entertainment of Said Guests, all constructed to be environmentally sustainable and self-sufficient. Along with The House there would be The Estate, which would have a hobbit-style burrow with half a dozen little apartments for holidaying guests, a little village for retired family and friends and an isolated ranch/villa for my folks to potter about it. All surrounded by wooded hills, near the sea, overlooking a beach. From there I’ll oversee my various Foundations and Charities dedicated to turning my local area into a thriving centre for arts and culture.
Only when all of that is up and running will I feel comfortable with letting the murders begin.
Brachiator
Some respite. Did folks see this video of a pod of dolphins swimming alongside a whale watching boat in Newport Beach, California?
From a few days ago.
Cool.
Soprano2
@Chief Oshkosh: Some kind of monthly or yearly stipend would be a lot more useful than just giving them $90,000 one time.
quakerinabasement
@Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA): Seconded! I scanned the comment thread just to find this recommendation.
Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes
@Omnes Omnibus:
I’m genuinely intrigued by the idea of me being coked up and driving around with a couple of hookers and my pygmy giraffe in a Ferrari.
Feels like a bucket list thing.
Major Major Major Major
@Tony Jay: lol!!
Omnes Omnibus
@Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes: I may have created a monster.
JanieM
@Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA): seconded. Waking Ned Devine is great — including the music.
DLew On Roids
@Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes:
“If I won a big lottery jackpot, I’d use the money to buy the residential mortgages of people I hate, and would make it my mission to be the mortgage servicer from hell.”
In the current season of You Must Remember This, Karina Longworth mentions that Los Angeles Times publisher Harry Chandler did exactly this, buying the mortgage on Hearst Castle just to eff with William Randolph Hearst when Hearst was having financial trouble.
cckids
In the great green room there was a telephone. And a red balloon. and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon. And there were three little bears sitting on chairs.
And then the murders began.
It does work.
Kenneth Fair
@jonas: This is very similar to the plot of Waking Ned Devine.
Brachiator
@Soprano2:
I think she would. It certainly sounds like you were able to do a lot of kind and thoughtful things with the money.
Spanky
@cckids: Oh yeah.
In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
And then the murders began.
Kenneth Fair
“Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it: and Scrooge’s name was good upon ’Change, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
And then the murders began.”
Citizen_X
They should translate this story to rural England, and make Hot Fuzz II: Lotto Apocalado. With as much mayhem and murder as the original.
James E Powell
If I won the Big One, I’d put together a Tom Petty style clubhouse somewhere far enough away from other people that late night jams would not attract police. Other than that, maybe a BRG TR-6. I’m a relatively low cost dreamer.
Kenneth Fair
“Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. And then the murders began.”
Ulysses meets Sweeney Todd.
Brachiator
@DLew On Roids:
Is this in the current podcast? Which episode? I love this series, but I thought that they were covering Hollywood gossip columnist Louella Parsons.
VeniceRiley
@Soprano2: That’s just wonderful. Will you be available for advice in the unlikely event that I win a few hundred million?
I suppose I’d set aside funds with which I would buy politicians. I mean, in addition to the “Trust No One Trust” that I would use for the usual dealings of property, etc.
Tony Jay, why would you stay local there? The weather is shite. I’d set my compound on Tenerife somewhere. Or perhaps Hawaii.
Soprano2
@VeniceRiley: Sure, for a small fee, but you probably need someone more high-powered than me to deal with that much money. Oh, and we had to do a trust, which was necessary but a PITA. It did get me to do end-of-life planning, which was good.
I’m well aware that this isn’t actually my money, and the way I got it was horrible. I try to always think about whether or not my sister would approve of the things I’ve done. I’m not done yet, either – someday I want to endow a scholarship at the local university; my mother and I tried to do that, but we couldn’t agree on how to do it. I can’t bring myself to do it on my own as long as I have her, it would feel like a betrayal or something. Maybe we should try again.
Ruviana
I loved the old guy in that story who said TFG gave people boxes of food and a nice letter but Biden only gave them boxes of vegetables. The horror! The horror!
Tony Jay
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…
…and then the murders began. “
What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
@Le Comte de Monte Cristo, fka Edmund Dantes: I was hoping Bezos would do exactly this with regard to to TFG. I don’t think he did though.
What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
@JanieM: Thirded. A very fun and charming movie indeed. I swear I bought the digital rights to it on Amazon’s streaming service many years ago but they seem to have lost the record of the purchase because I tried to stream it this past St. Paddy’s Day and they wanted to charge me.
Steeplejack (phone)
@Chief Oshkosh:
I don’t see it for free anywhere, but it’s rentable for $3.99.
Brachiator
@Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA):
Have not seen it, but sounds like fun. Putting it on my “watch list. “
dexwood
@Brachiator: Great movie, you will not be disappointed. My wife owns the DVD so it’s become something we watch two three times a year.
EricK
@jonas: I think that’s exactly it. A decent happy person who gets rich will stay a decent happy person, a miserable person with issues will stay a miserable person with issues, just the issues probably change.
Roger Moore
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.
And then the murders began.
gvg
@Old School:
It’s advertising. The states think they can’t sell more if they can’t hold up winners to show people. Florida’s lottery specifically says if you buy a ticket you consent to your image being used in promotions….
Gravenstone
@Omnes Omnibus: No, he already existed. You just gave him a new obsession to add to the list.
evodevo
@Barbara:
LOL if your husband is anything like mine, that could lead to divorce very quickly…..or maybe murder!! He’s a hoarder, just like his mother, and not gonna change any time soon lol
Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA)
@Uncle Cholmondeley: I love your nym.
Steeplejack
My brother and I have spent way too much time spitballing the lottery scenario. It’s like a game at recess after I try to stay awake listening to him talk about investing and the market. (Actually, I’m interested in that stuff, but he’s really interested in it.)
First, you’re not getting $730 million. That’s the “top line” number, which they pay out as an annuity over 29 years. For example, tonight’s Mega Millions win is $40 million, but the “get it all now” lump sum is $28.2 million. Powerball tomorrow—you would get $63 million as an annuity or $44.9 million now.
Powerball.com: “If the annuity option is selected, the winner is guaranteed to receive 30 graduated payments over 29 years. The annual payments increase by 5% until the 30th and final payment. The 30 payments [. . .] equal the value of the annuity.”
MegaMillions.com: “The Mega Millions annuity is paid out as one immediate payment followed by 29 annual payments. Each payment is 5% bigger than the previous one. This helps protect winners’ lifestyle and purchasing power in periods of inflation. For a typical jackpot of $100 million, the initial payment would be about $1.5 million, and future annual payments would grow to about $6.2 million.”
And those numbers—annuity and lump sum—are before taxes. The tax total would vary by state, but you should figure 40% as a (generous) round number. Better to be pleasantly surprised later after your accountants work their magic, right?
So for figuring the actual amount of cash that ends up in the Scrooge McDuck money bin, Bro’ Man and I take the lump-sum amount and multiply it by 0.6 (lump sum minus 40% in taxes). You end up with a little over 40% of the top-line number. So you’d end up with about $295 million, maybe $300 million, out of that $730 million. Still nothing to sneeze at.
Distribution is left as an exercise for the reader. And thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
cain
I cannot think of any greater curse than to win it big in the lottery. Getting that much money that you didn’t work for or earn will only cause you trouble. Which is why I don’t buy lottery tickets or even attempt to.
You will suddenly have more friends and no friends at same time. Nope, nope, nope! Just thinking about it chaps my ass.
ETA: OMG! 111! Comment #0b1101111 – the world will never be the same again!!!! SINEMA becomes AMENIS – yeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!
Feathers
@Brachiator: I don’t remember which episode this was in, but it was covered because Louella wrote for Hearst’s papers. She was his “fixer,” gossip-wise, and both pushed Marion Davies career at every opportunity and hid her affair with Hearst.
cain
@Steeplejack:
I think after 2 million it’s all meaningless. I would spend all my time randomly helping people out and getting good karma. Make as many dreams come true – as long as they provide a proper business plan of course. :-) I might require that pay their workers at $20 an hour and enforce sustainability – goddam would that be awesome.
Jinchi
Probably.
Considering the McDonald’s lottery scandal and that time Whitey Bulger “won” the lottery in Boston, there’s a lot of room for scandal when you’re dealing with millions of dollars.
Jinchi
@Steeplejack:
So’s my salary, but I’ve never heard of an employer offering a job based on “after-taxes” income. If they’re going to pay you $100,000 they’ll tell you the salary is $100,000, not $70,000.
I think what people are usually complaining about is that the state will take out the taxes for you in advance, not after an accountant performs the same magic that reduced Jeff Bezo’s tax bill to $0.
Omnes Omnibus
@Jinchi: Sure, but in this case you are calculating the size of the pile of money you are going to have going forward. Taxes off that initial number do affect the pile.
bluefoot
@VeniceRiley:
I would also want to buy politicians. How much do you think it would cost to buy a few members of Congress? And have them stay bought?
Steeplejack
@Omnes Omnibus:
Exactly. I really feel this when I watch My Lottery Dream Home, a “house hunter” type show that I like because the people are mostly ordinary joes who lucked into some money, not entitled, demanding assholes mad because the Love It or List It team can’t give them everything they want on a ridiculously low budget. Most of the MLDH people win $1 million as a lump sum, and the host exclaims about them “being a millionaire now,” but I’m thinking, “No, they’re getting about $600,000, and I hope when they buy that house they’re figuring in property taxes and future upkeep.” Some choose wisely, others not.
Timill
@Steeplejack: Jackpot breakdowns for MegaMillions by state: https://www.usamega.com/mega-millions/jackpot
and for PowerBall by state: https://www.usamega.com/powerball/jackpot
Brachiator
@Jinchi:
I have done some tax returns where people have come into a pile of money because of an inheritance or property sale and smile to myself when they complain about a tax liability even though the pile is still huge. And it is funny how some of them, who complain that the ultra wealthy should be taxed more suddenly think that they should be totally exempt from taxes on their pile.
But even if taxes are withheld, some people may have other expenses or deductions which might reduce overall liability. Oddly, some people think that they are taxed separately on lottery winnings and don’t understand it has to be included in total income.
Of course some states, such as California, exclude state lottery winnings, just leaving federal taxes to consider.
Steeplejack
@Timill:
Interesting. Did a few random states, and it looks like you come out slightly below 60% of the lump sum. But 60% is okay for daydream cipherin’.
sab
I know somebody in Ohio, fully vaxxed, who wouldn’t enter our vax lottery because he didn’t want to deal with his kids about it if he won.
Steeplejack
@sab:
That’s some three-dimensional-chess thinking right there.
Central Planning
I was hoping the newest thread didn’t have comments so I could start it like this:
Frist!
And then the murders began.
Steeplejack
@Central Planning:
And you might be frist for that, too!
Ruckus
I’d have to play the lottery to win it but if I did, I’d likely give most of it away. First though I’d buy a house in a place I really like, and then I’d travel, after the pandemic is done. Did I mention I’d give most of it away, after taxes of course… I’m old, I don’t need much, nor appreciate a lot of crap.
Bob7094
@Spanky:
But what am I supposed to call you?
Brachiator
@Feathers:
Cool. I will be on the lookout for the episode.
Marion Davies was quite a good actress. I recently saw her in the 1937 comedy, Ever Since Eve. Really fun stuff, co-starring Robert Montgomery.
Steeplejack
@Bob7094:
Call him a schlemiel.
John Revolta
@cain: Winning the lottery is the worst possible thing that could happen to you, except for all the other things.
Edmund Dantes
@Jinchi: Also the Hot Spot lottery scandal in Iowa. Where the security guy rigged the computer algorithm and had it designed to hit on a specific set. He had done it one or twice. Then hit the big one. It was over 10 million but suddenly he had a collection problem.
it also comes from the old days of lotteries in the early days of this country. Lots of crooked ones. So they got regulated. And now people have forgotten the reason for the regulation and so “what stupid reason does this exist”.
Brachiator
@cain:
If you ever won a big lottery payout and wanted to get rid of it, I would be happy to relieve you of the burden.
Shana
@Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA): A truly charming movie out of the British Isles around the same time as Gregory’s Girl and Local Hero and I always think of those small lovely movies as a genre.
Major Major Major Major
@Edmund Dantes:
Well let’s not pretend every old regulation is good just because it made sense at the time.
Soprano2
@Brachiator: I was the only person involved who wasn’t mad about paying estate taxes. It was more than I thought I’d ever have, why be greedy? A lot of the gain never would have been taxed otherwise. Most people don’t understand that.
Steve in the ATL
@Kent:
And then the murders began.
Fin.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steve in the ATL: Wouldn’t “Fin” work better if she was eaten by a shark?
Steve in the ATL
@Omnes Omnibus: the sharks failed the means, motive, opportunity test, so it had to be her no good sons, out of whom could drive.
Omnes Omnibus
@Steve in the ATL: So now we’re going for realism? Shit.
Edmund Dantes
@Major Major Major Major: and I included an actual scandal from just the past 5 years were lack of anonymous claiming outed a rigged lottery. So yeah. It’s not outdated at all.
Tehanu
@MattF: Me too, really enjoying it.
On the post topic: So, I’m not the only one whom this story reminds of Waking Ned Devine.
Great little movie!
Mo MacArbie
Well then, I guess the first thing I’d do with the winnings would be to bring in somebody for some percentage to be the public face, the “winner”.