I was basically blog and news free this weekend, and by choice. Sometimes I get angry and it’s just better if I say nothing. The state of things just gets a little overwhelming, and the past two years have made me question things even more.
It’s hard to wake up every day and know that you just don’t know most of the people you thought you did. I don’t man this about close friends, but people you live near and around, people you see in town, people you run into at the store. It’s jarring to see that you really don’t know these people at all. It’s hard grappling with the fact that the majority of the people around you have decided that old people and people with pre-existing conditions don’t deserve to live. It’s hard to deal with the fact that most Americans, if you inconvenience them in the slightest, don’t care if you die. They don’t even care about their families or loved ones. Just the mildest request to do something for others is met with outrage.
We would not win World War II if it happened today. We just wouldn’t, and thank god Polio and Measles and Diptheria and all the other happened before modern times. I sometimes really think that a lot of white people just lost their shit because we had a black President, and then decided fuck everyone and everything and Trump galvanized it and opportunistic shitlords are taking advantage of it.
Part of what is driving this is homecoming is in a couple weeks, and while I trust the people staying here, I keep having to reiterate that there are no parties here. If people not staying here want to sit on the front porch masked, ok. But no one but the people staying here, who have been tested prior to coming and vaccinated, are setting foot in this house. Part of me is just thinking of renting a motel room in Pittsburgh for the weekend and letting everyone have the run of the house.
And then there are the people I never cared for who are going to be coming back, and I just don’t have it in me to listen to a bunch of meatheads with college degrees spew fucking nonsense. I don’t have it in me.
I see now how it was so easy for Hitler to demonize the Jews, and I don’t for one second think that any of the German people didn’t know. And I see how easy fascism could take root here. In some places it already has. Hell, a large part of our country already holds many of the beliefs- racial superiority, authoritarianism, hyper-capitalism, dehumanizing the enemy, belief in the occult (Q-Anon and lizard people and what not) and being easily persuaded by cult figures, the belief that nothing bad will happen to them (I’m a good German nothing will happen to me) except the police and covid don’t fucking care who you are, easily persuaded by propaganda, violent, and heavily armed.
So sometimes when I get in these funks I just shut it all down until I can foolishly persuade myself to remain positive. The one thing life truly did not prepare me for when I was a kid is how fucking stupid and selfish and shortsighted adults are.