Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Let there be snark.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Everybody saw this coming.

Consistently wrong since 2002

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

No one could have predicted…

I did not have telepathic declassification on my 2022 bingo card.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

You are here: Home / Authors In Our Midst / Chris Gerrib – Pirates Of Mars

Chris Gerrib – Pirates Of Mars

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Our author being featured today is cgerrib!  Let’s give him a warm welcome.

If you would like your talents featured in the Artists in Our Midst series – or your work as an author featured in our Authors in Our Midst series – please send me an email message.

Greetings Balloon-Juicers!

My name is Chris Gerrib, and I’ve been reading Balloon Juice since John Cole was complaining about how we were in the process of hosing up the occupation of Iraq.  Good times!  I don’t find myself commenting much on the site anymore (I don’t think “you’re absolutely right” is a useful comment) but when I do, I comment as cgerrib.  (I know, highly original.)

John and I were both in the military during the First Gulf War, but unlike John, my military claim to fame is that not one Iraqi MiG bombed Jacksonville, Florida.  I actually listened to the first week of the Gulf War on the radio – everything at Naval Station Mayport had been sent out to sea to avoid Saddam Hussain’s legions of ninja terrorists who were going to car-bomb America in retaliation for our attack.  Needless to say, said legions only existed in the minds of frustrated novelists working for US intelligence agencies.

Which is a nice segue into why I’m cluttering up the front page. I’ve written a novel – several in fact, but the one I want to talk about is PIRATES OF MARS.

This book was purchased as a stand-alone novel by a now-defunct publishing company.  Via a series of events, I got the rights back and the snazzy cover you see here.  PIRATES is set towards the end of this century, and the science of Mars travel is as plausible as I can make it.  I assumed as well that at least some of the dreams of Branson, Musk and Bezos are possible, and so Mars has a lot of private settlements that are poorly supervised by the governments of Earth.

As I was writing this, I looked at the type of people who would volunteer to make a multimillion-mile one way journey.  Frankly, a lot of the people who would make that trip are in the process of being kicked off of Earth.  As a result, Mars is the Home for Wayward Humans.  These wayward humans are at the wrong end of a long and expensive supply chain.  Think of Mars orbit as the coast of Somalia.

The novel opens with pirates having taken a ship, but if they don’t do something soon, it will crash into Mars.  They have the brilliant idea of calling the Volunteer Space Rescue Service and asking for help.  Oh, and they think maybe they could make this outing a two-fer and grab Space Rescue’s ship.  That’s when things get interesting.

There’s some salty language and the start of a sex scene which gets interrupted by other events.  It’s not for little kids, but Juicers and high schoolers should be able to handle it.  I hope the gang here finds it to their liking.  You can visit my website to buy this book and my other books via Amazon or Indiebound.  Also, you can read about some of the Big Ideas of the book at John Scalzi’s site.

Thanks to John Cole and Watergirl for this opportunity and keep up the faith!

Reader Interactions

55Comments

  4. 4.

    CaseyL

    This whole series looks like fun! And I love that your website has a link to Indiebound, which lists local bookstores where they can be bought.

  9. 9.

    WaterGirl

    Next week we’ll be featuring Richard Fox and his fabulous paintings on Artists in Our Midst.

    I know we have a boatload of creative people on Balloon Juice (boatload being a technical term) so please send me email if you would like to be featured!

    I have checked in with everybody who has been featured so far, and the universal response has been that it has been a very positive experience.

    Art, crafts, photography, writing… if you’re creative, we would love to feature you.

    So if you’re hesitating, go for it!

  10. 10.

    Cgerrib

    Hi there!  I just got back from the gym to this.  I hope everybody who’s bought likes it and I’m available for questions.

  11. 11.

    WaterGirl

    @Cgerrib:  Glad you are here!

    I need to start reminding our featured peeps the day before.  I schedule the posts for when you guys ask for them, but everybody forgets!

    You are in excellent company.   :-)

  12. 12.

    WaterGirl

    Chris, I like the way your author page is laid out.  I take it we don’t need to have read book 1 before reading book 2?  Are the same characters in all 3 books?  Or is Mars the common link?

  13. 13.

    Yutsano

    Whee! It already sounds fun! Let me check the finances tomorrow. I’m glad you got the rights back. That can be a real pain these days!

  15. 15.

    Ida Slapter

    Sounds like a fun read! I just bought your last hardcover copy and I’ll have it by next Friday! Amazon review forthcoming. Until then,
    ARRRRRRRRRRRRRR! ☠️ ⚔️?

  16. 16.

    topclimber

    I salute one who has boldly gone where I have yet to venture. May your enterprise succeed.

    ETA make that prosper

  21. 21.

    Niques

    Thank you for this! I downloaded the Kindle version, and immediately started reading. Just beginning Chapter 3, and I’m already deeply involved … this will be a binge-read.

  22. 22.

    Emma

    Just bought The Mars Run on Kindle, looking forward to the rest of the trilogy! Love your Amazon bio, btw :D

  24. 24.

    The Dangerman

    Sounds like a good read; you are on my (far too long for my own good) list.

    We should have Balloon Juice talk like a pirate day someday. Nothing but talks of bounty and booty

    ETA: No, not that kind of booty!

  26. 26.

    J R in WV

    @Cgerrib: 

    Hi Chris,

    Book sounds right up my escapist alley, Martian Pirates, for the win.

    You know, if you quit shaving so close, you could look more like John G Cole than you already do…​ ;~)

    Best wishes from SW WVa… also, was in the USN 1970-73 during a previous foreign mis-adventure, served in Key West (mostly), also Mobile Bay AL, Pascagoula MS, Charleston SC, as the AS ship moved around… older than you and Cole.

  27. 27.

    MomSense

    @The Dangerman:

    Ha!  Save the booty talk for balloon-juice after dark.

    Eastport Maine used to have a pirate festival every weekend.  It was always a fun excuse to wear an eye patch and be ridiculous.  Not sure it it will come back after Covid or not.

  32. 32.

    Eunicecycle

    I love John Scalzi’s books so I’m sure I’ll love yours, too! Looking forward to reading them.

  46. 46.

    sab

    We had an elementary school field trip to Mayport. Probably before you were born. Those aircraft carriers are BIG!

  54. 54.

    tom with a t

    “my military claim to fame is that not one Iraqi MiG bombed Jacksonville, Florida.” made me recall the late George Goebel when he remarked “not one Japanese aircraft got past Tulsa”

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