Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

“That’s what the insurrection act is for!”

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

Nancy smash is sick of your bullshit.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

“I never thought they’d lock HIM up,” sobbed a distraught member of the Lock Her Up Party.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

People are complicated. Love is not.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

In short, I come down firmly on all sides of the issue.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Thursday Evening Open Thread: Zuck Should’ve Gone with FUNOPTICON

Thursday Evening Open Thread: Zuck Should’ve Gone with FUNOPTICON

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Anyone who remembers The Twilight Zone immediately imagines a coda where Zuckerberg’s wetware physical body is stashed in a dim hospital room, sustained on a gastric tube of Soylent(tm), while the green breathing world spins on without him…

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117Comments

  2. 2.

    WaterGirl

    I’ve got to admire that you managed to step on Cole’s post on Facebook rather than the other way around.  I think that makes it Cole 1,000: Anne Laurie 1, but still.

  3. 3.

    Scout211

    He says Facebook moving forward will “retooling” to make “serving young adults the north star, rather than optimizing for older people.”

    I have my doubts that this new retooling thing will attract “young adults.”  Maybe junior high kids but young adults, I don’t think so.  Young adults have left the room already.  We’ll see, but if I am correct Facebook Meta will continue to have the problems they currently have with young teens.

    Is this guy the epitome of a smug billionaire or what?

  4. 4.

    burnspbesq

    Am I the only one getting seriously tired of Silverman belaboring the obvious and Chicken Little-ing over the routine workings of the legislative process?

    He’s getting as bad as fucking Loomis.

  5. 5.

    Ken

    At the end of The Social Network Zuckerberg sends a message to a girl, and just sits there hitting “refresh” over and over hoping for an answer.  I used to think that was an over-the-top and cruel characterization.

  6. 6.

    Poe Larity

    Ok, Boomers. Whomever captures the youts will win. They wanted to watch Ready Player One over and over and not a one of them understood any of the references. Context isn’t relevant anymore. Life is just easier somewhere else.

  9. 9.

    Arclite

    Given FB’s role in spreading COVID information, it seems inappropriate that their new logo be a pair of lungs.

  10. 10.

    Scout211

    @Arclite:

    Oh, is that what it is.  I was thinking it looked way too much like uh, well, the female anatomy.  So lungs!  That’s much better and not so icky.  But seriously, what were they thinking?!

  11. 11.

    Just Chuck

    The whole “young adults” thing must mean they’re bleeding users in that demographic a whole lot faster than we thought.  You don’t retool to focus on a market you already own.

  13. 13.

    topclimber

    @Baud: We hear lots about how Bernie and Greens take (or took) votes away from our Dem candidates in the first few elections of 20XX. Yet we never hear about the negative impact of a candidate who clearly intends to run left of center for what’s left of the 21st century.

    Either disclaim future 20XX campaigns or fess up to being a spoiler.

    Some people say you can’t spell Baud without B-A-D but as a fan, I hope for something better.

  15. 15.

    FelonyGovt

    He looks like Data from Star Trek Next Generation (?) Except Data was more realistic looking.

  19. 19.

    scav

    Who is that pale pale man leaning over the transom of a burning sinking STI-ridden ship attached to an iceburg and why is he burbling on about meta adolescent north stars while painting in a new name?

  23. 23.

    L85NJGT

    @Just Chuck:

    …and the institutional shareholders are complaining about it.

    They may as well shovel those rebranding costs into dividends or stock buybacks. Once that brand cachet goes, forget about getting it back.

  24. 24.

    Kropacetic

    @FelonyGovt: Yesterday someone referred to the weather outside as being “negative zero” and I almost fried my brain trying to wrap my head around that notion. For some reason that left me thinking about Data and how he would handle such an absurdity.

    Let’s pose the idea to the Zuckerbot and see if it shorts out.

  26. 26.

    Kathleen

    AL, you are by far one of the funniest people on the Internet.

    Anyone who remembers The Twilight Zone immediately imagines a coda where Zuckerberg’s wetware physical body is stashed in a dim hospital room, sustained on a gastric tube of Soylent(tm), while the green breathing world spins on without him…

    And what the fuck does this mean?

    “serving young adults the north star, rather than optimizing for older people.”

    Is he having meta dinner parties where he serves young people an actual star? Or will he “optimize” oldsters by putting soylent green cake batter into star shaped tins to serve to young adults?

  28. 28.

    lashonharangue

    Reposted from Cole’s post below.

    I recommend watching this interview with Brittan Heller.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6MYtxn2w38  

    What FB hopes to do with virtual reality is way beyond what was promised by Cambridge Analytics.  Capturing data on people’s physiological responses will help with targeting/refining advertising as well as engagement.

  29. 29.

    Downpuppy

    2 semi-corporate Irishy bars, Asgard & Kinsale, are officially defunct.
    Kinsale was a nice place to go for weekend brunch since it was huge & in Center Plaza where nobody goes for brunch on the weekends.
    Asgard was where we had a Balloon Juice meetup.

  30. 30.

    Thinkaboutit

    I love all of the people who still have Facebook and Instagram accounts criticizing Zuckerborg’s ideas.

    Keep shining on you bright stars!!!

  31. 31.

    Thinkaboutit

    @burnspbesq:

    You just need to be patient – don’t forget that there is also an active counter-espionage investigation running parallel to the Mueller investigation.

    You’d understand this if you knew as many acronyms as I do.

  32. 32.

    Fair Economist

    Meta: Second Life with conspiracy theories.

    Also, won’t they have trademark issues using a common word?

  33. 33.

    Arclite

    @Scout211:

    Oh, is that what it is.  I was thinking it looked way too much like uh, well, the female anatomy.  So lungs!  That’s much better and not so icky.  But seriously, what were they thinking?!

    Lungs is what it looks like to me, but I wouldn’t say you’re wrong. They went with such a vague and generic logo that it could be interpreted as anything. I think maybe what they were going for was an “M” in the shape of a Moebius loop. A Moebius loop might represent that they feel that once someone starts with their products they’ll go round and round with out being able to exit. So it’s a corporate logo and mission statement in one symbol. ?

  36. 36.

    Spanky

    @burnspbesq: 

    Am I the only one getting seriously tired of Silverman belaboring the obvious and Chicken Little-ing over the routine workings of the legislative process?

    No, you are not. He needs to chill the fuck out.

  41. 41.

    WaterGirl

    I think Zuckerberg wants to rename the company so that he still has a company name after they inevitably split up his company or regulate Facebook out of existence.

  42. 42.

    Ken

    @Kropacetic: Yesterday someone referred to the weather outside as being “negative zero” and I almost fried my brain trying to wrap my head around that notion.

    Computers use signed zeros for floating point.  The few times I’ve had to deal with it, it’s been completely annoying (“Why isn’t this zero?  Oh, it’s negative zero, not positive zero.”)

  45. 45.

    different-church-lady

    I think maybe Zuck’s feeling a bit scared that he might have to share something on the planet with Musk, and this is his strategy for trying to regain the upper hand.

  47. 47.

    SpaceUnit

    Obviously we are all trapped in the Dumb Universe.  But I like to think that someday researchers at CERN, using the magic of quantum mechanics and particle entanglement, might discover a way to open a portal through which one might step and be instantaneously transported to the Smart Universe.

    In the Smart Universe responsible and well-informed individuals successfully organize to obstruct the plans of morons and bad actors, thereby paving the way for a glorious human destiny where anything is possible.  No limits!  Unicorns, etc.  Also, in the Smart Universe Mark Zuckerberg is the assistant manager at a Dairy Queen.

    Should there be any physicists among the commenters with actual expertise in such matters, please keep it to yourself.  I need this.

  49. 49.

    West of the Rockies

    Does it sound somewhat insulting Zuckerberg saying he’s done “optimizing” for the olds and will instead be serving the Northstar to the young?  So if you’re over 40, Zuckerberg now has no use for you?

    And guess what, you dead-eyed dolt–the young aren’t all that impressed with you.

  50. 50.

    Ken

    @different-church-lady:  it was so obvious to me from the very beginning that Facebook was creepy as all fuck.

    Who could have imagined that a system for rating women’s breasts would have turned into something vile?

    Other than the female 50.4% of the world population, of course.

  53. 53.

    sdhays

    @WaterGirl: Does anything else they do make any money? Their VR stuff seems like a potentially solid business since they’re ahead of the rest of the industry (as I understand it – I’m not particularly interested in it myself). But I didn’t think it was all the profitable yet. Certainly not “printing money” profitable like stoking genocide.

  55. 55.

    Kropacetic

    @Ken: Sounds aggravating. This is why I did my computer science degree and did not seek work programming computers.

  56. 56.

    patrick II

    @different-church-lady:

    They used to pretend to sell frozen custard and drove the real frozen custard shops out of business. They had to stop calling it custard when the fda cracked down on them.  They sell frozen milk with extra sugar instead. No comparison. Yes I am old, and yes I worked as a teenager in a frozen custard shop.

  59. 59.

    gene108

    Meta seems to be just a massive multiplayer online environment without the fun things World of War Craft, and other MMO communities let you do with other people.

    Facebook really is a one trick pony that’s surviving on being first and inertia.

  64. 64.

    mrmoshpotato

    @Ken:

    Who could have imagined that a system for rating women’s breasts would have turned into something vile? 

    Other than the female 50.4% of the world population, of course.

    I was gonna say.  Website created by a creeper to be a creeper for other creepers.

  67. 67.

    MisterForkbeard

    @gene108: To be fair, creating a sort of ‘standard’ gaming environment that leverages massive friend lists, engagement and can suggest games or tournaments is a great idea.

    It’s also something Steam is already doing, so good fucking luck.

  68. 68.

    Ruckus

    @WaterGirl:

    It’s my humble opinion that New Coke was dramatically better than Fuckbook and that it can not be dragged lower. However I am willing to concede that if anyone can drag it lower, its Fuckerburg. I’m also willing to concede that he will give it the old kindergarten try, as he always does.

  69. 69.

    smith

    @Scout211: He says Facebook moving forward will “retooling” to make “serving young adults the north star, rather than optimizing for older people.”

    Has there ever been anything popular with the Olds that appealed to young people once it got Old-People Cooties all over it? I guess maybe if you wait long enough for it to become retro, but by then those Youngs will be…old.

  72. 72.

    Barbara

    @sdhays: ​ I have no idea, and this is just me musing — but it seems like FB will run into the same dynamic that tv has, which is that advertisers don’t really value people over the age of 45. It’s not that we don’t spend money, it’s that by and large our buying habits have already been formed. At some point, advertisers are going to figure this out, plus, they might not like the idea of being featured alongside truly terrible content. My understanding is that many web-only retailers rely on FB, but I have always wondered just how that will work as FB becomes more and more polarizing. There is a reason that the tv industry doesn’t prize controversial programming. Why is FB immune from that?

  74. 74.

    p.a.

    The one chump in GF’s ‘hood with a “don’t blame me i voted for tRump” flag lost the flag & the section of fence it was on in the Nor’easter?????

    Gotta go, Elvis C concert in 3… 2…

  75. 75.

    Barbara

    @burnspbesq: ​ No, you aren’t the only one. I have seen enrolled bills with text that makes me cringe. The bill that came out of the Recovery Act was basically whatever was read into the Congressional Record, complete with strike through text and marginalia. Congress does employ staff to polish the final statutory text.

  76. 76.

    CarolPW

    @Baud: Everything works in my system, but a lot of stuff got moved around in a most annoying way. Looks stupid but works fine.

  77. 77.

    Omnes Omnibus

    @patrick II: Don’t fuck with frozen custard.  After beer, brats, cheese curds, Friday night fish fries, and brandy drinks, it is Wisconsin’s most important food and/or drink.

  79. 79.

    Ruckus

    @Poe Larity:

    I do believe that it will be worse than that, if only because MZ really has no idea which way is up and yes, he has flown higher than a large number of people, that won’t stop or help him from making things worse, which is the only direction he knows.

  81. 81.

    Raven

    @burnspbesq: If you don’t like don’t fucking read his posts. Everyone worshiped at Rofer’s feet but talk about arrogant and condescending. I just didn’t read it and don’t miss her one bit.

  86. 86.

    randy khan

    Neal Stephenson either is having a cow or laughing right now.  And, of course, it’s more likely to be like the dystopian parts of William Gibson’s cyberspace than anything else.

    And I only can imagine what Tim Berners-Lee must think.

  87. 87.

    randy khan

    @Kathleen:

    And what the fuck does this mean?

    “serving young adults the north star, rather than optimizing for older people.”

    Is he having meta dinner parties where he serves young people an actual star? Or will he “optimize” oldsters by putting soylent green cake batter into star shaped tins to serve to young adults?

    It means that there is more money to be made on young people and that Facebook is skewing too old nowadays to grab those bucks.

  90. 90.

    Fair Economist

    @smith:Old trends get revived occasionally. Swing dance around the turn of the millennium, for example, or midcentury modern right after. It is unusual, and seems to take a long time.

  91. 91.

    Baud

    @Kathleen:

    And what the fuck does this mean?

    “serving young adults the north star, rather than optimizing for older people.”

     

    Their old customer base is dying of covid.

  92. 92.

    Barbara

    @randy khan: Do they actually optimize for older people or has that sort of just happened because they optimize for whoever spends the most time on FB? I sometimes wonder how likely it is that a person will pay attention to advertising when they have whipped themselves into a frenzy.

  93. 93.

    Frankensteinbeck

    @randy khan: ​
    Like I commented in the previous thread, these tech yahoos have a cargo cult technology thing going on. They’re blatantly trying to turn our world into science fiction movies, without bothering with, you know, the actual things those products would have to do to be cool like in a science fiction movie.

  96. 96.

    smith

    @Fair Economist: It is unusual, and seems to take a long time.

    Yep, maybe 30-50 years. No retro craze is going to save Facebook — to young people it’s likely to stay that dorky thing Grandma spends her time on.

  97. 97.

    Kay

    Republicans continue their policy of getting rid of every single decent Republican:

    Two weeks ago, Ohio State Board of Education President Laura Kohler voted against repealing an anti-racist resolution. On Friday, she plans to resign after the Republican-controlled Ohio Senate indicated it would not confirm her reappointment to the board.
    “I was aware there would be consequences …,” Kohler said in an interview. “I’m a Republican. I knew it was a controversial vote.”

    They jammed in 100% Right wing lunatics on the board now, so look for Ohio education to go right into the crapper. They’ll be pledging allegiance to the Trump flag.

  100. 100.

    Kay

    We can win the school fight. Maybe not in VA (I’m not predicting- I don’t know jack about Virginia) but overall and going into the midterms we can win the school fight. We can make this a disaster for them.

  101. 101.

    Taphozous

    Speaking of Neal Stephenson and Snow Crash, any word on whether Zuck is changing his name to Da5id?

  107. 107.

    NotMax

    @Baud

    Summation of opinions from friends I implicitly trust who deal with this stuff for a living:

    Unless there is a concrete reason (diktat from business or employer, for example, or a needed app which is not backward compatible or purchasing a brand spanking new unit) there is NO good reason to do it. At a minimum, if your machine is even capable of playing nice with Win 11, WAIT until next year (say, around the spring equinox) before taking the plunge.

    Win 10 will continue to be fully supported for at least five years more.

  108. 108.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    @gene108: Meta seems to be just a massive multiplayer online environment without the fun things World of War Craft, and other MMO communities let you do with other people.

    Tea bagging some avi while screaming insults at everyone else on Voice chat.

  111. 111.

    different-church-lady

    I can hardly wait until I need to wear a pair of Zuckerberg’s VR glasses just so I can order a pizza.

  115. 115.

    Amir Khalid

    I don’t get it. This is the kind of corporate name change that only invites mockery. And people are going to keep right on calling the company that owns Facebook “Facebook”.

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