The Balloon Juice store was outdated when we put up the new site 2 years ago, and it’s not getting any younger. One of these days we are going to re-do the store on Cafe Press, Dazzle, or whatever else is out there.
Is there anything you would want to see at the Balloon Juice store? Is there any BJ merch that you would want?
Shirts? Hats? Socks? Pillows? Mugs? Frisbees? I really have no idea, just throwing some stuff out there to get you started.
Anyone you would want to see on besides Tunch and Steve? Surely there must be some Badger fans, Henry fans, Tikka fans, duck fans, and the potential list goes on. Who would you want to see on merchandise?
The other day I suggested a deck of cards with the various dangerous Republican clowns. I don’t even know how we would get something like that made, but I bet it’s possible. Who would your 52 cards be?
Someone suggested a deck of cards with pie filter images on it, we might have to draft Avalune who did the fun drawings like PupCake and the SeaLion.
No ideas are too wild or silly or crazy.
I’d love a tee shirt with about 6-8 of the rotating tag lines on front. You and Mr. Cole can choose which lines, they’re all good!
Please include some things with Rosie on them. I miss her,
Got to have Tunch.
@Old School: What’s a plushie?
@WaterGirl: Stuffed animal.
My Tunch hoodie is wearing out. I’d love to replace it. We love our Lily aprons. I love all the creatures you mentioned. Useful items with BJ pets on them would be great.
@MisterForkbeard: I love stuffed animals. I had never heard them called that before. I need to get out more.
:: subliminal PSA reminder that pet calendar pics need to be in by morning ::
As a longtime Rams fan (born and raised LA), I’d like to give a shout out to Aaron Rodgers for possibly assuring an NFC Championship game is played in SoCal and not GB.
I’m sure there are a lot of unhappy people because of that fact. No, not just Packer fans. The degenerates who bet BIG money on NFL outcomes. The NFL doesn’t have a weekly report on player injuries for any other reason then the gambling that is done on games.
Sure, call me woke, Aaron, but I have a word or two for you as well. Let’s start with the A’s, Asshole, and work our way through the Alphabet.
I’d love some t-shirts…
For the dangerous Republicans cards, I would recommend finding public domain or Creative Commons photographs of them and using those. It avoids the need to draw the pictures, and the photographs should help with identification. Photos (when available) are what they did with the playing cards with the Iraqi leadership.
@zhena gogolia: I was wearing my Tunch hoodie on a Zoom call and someone said, “Do you have a cat on your lap?” That’s how lifelike it is!
T shirts with C.R.A.F.T. on front.
Can’t Remember A Fucking Thing
Limited-edition sachets stuffed with the trimmings from Steve’s visit to the groomers. Assuming you can sell those — if there’s too much human blood on them, they might have to be treated as medical waste.
In which case, NFTs representing ownership of non-existent limited-edition sachets, etc. I understand they are the Last Big Thing.
@The Dangerman: Starting to think his family, which does not associate with him, had the right idea.
I read about his interview today, wow.
@Baud: Are not.
It’s like you don’t even have daughters in grade school.
@Old School: You are so right! I do not have Miss Willow enrolled in school. :-)
Jim, Foolish Literalist
HA! That hits home.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
I did not know that. I figured him for a typical meathead jock at worst, but he’s not just an asshole, he’s fucking looney.
@danielx: Is that the new C.R.S.? Somewhere I have a mug that says “I suffer from CRS” can’t remember shit
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: He has been estranged from his two brothers and parents for years.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
Nothing may get vaccine-skeptical Chicagoans to the Walgreens like the news that “ALL MY LIFE I FUCKING OWN YOU!” is anti-vax
@The Dangerman: As a Seahawk’s fan I am highly amused that the Seahawks get to play against Jordan Love this weekend rather than Aaron Rogers due to his MAGA wankery
As for BJ merch? Don’t we also need something with Mr. Frog?
Excellent idea. I second that.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
I am probably supposed to know what that means, but I don’t.
Cole’s notional goats.
@eclare: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Though I don’t see why not – other than the insurance commercials, Rodgers comes across as an angry diva who is very sure he is under-appreciated. I don’t get a sense that his team-mates like him very much, either.
ETA: Regarding the merch… I love the ideas put forth so far, but some “Far Side”-style cartoons depicting the highlights of BJ history would be fantastic.
A Subaru abandoned in a field, for example.
A lioncat getting his butt shaved.
A willow sneaking up on a house, “Weeping Angel” style.
A stylized cartoon of a BJ meetup, with green balloons and people wearing weird hats.
If I had any drawing talent, I would happily sketch these and donate them, but alas I have no drawing talent.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: So true!
I’d like some mugs with some of the most popular rotating tags on them, plus some kind of Balloon Juice identifier. Maybe the URL.
I like the I’d try pessimism one, but there are so many that are great.
“The other day I suggested a deck of cards with the various dangerous Republican clowns. I don’t even know how we would get something like that made, but I bet it’s possible. Who would your 52 cards be?”
I like the idea and can probably help finding a maker. In China of course. I have a very good friend in Hong Kong who…. … well that’s what he does.
And I have no idea of costs.
It’s kinda like the first deck cost $3,000 to make and the next 4,999 cost 20 cents to make. Or something like that.
Lurker who loves this community but doesn’t comment. This got me out of the shadows.
THERE NEED TO BE STICKERS.
Tunch stickers. Steve stickers. Stickers with slogans. So long as it’s BJ and I can stick it to things.
@CaseyL: Where do you get the idea that his teammates don’t like him? Aside from right now, when his team and Packer fans are really pissed off at him.
I wouldn’t care to handle or look at a deck of cards with Repugly mugs on them. But I’d love to have a deck with Dem/liberal heroes. I suggested a few names in a comment on the earlier post that talked about this, but there are easily 52 heroes who could be celebrated in such a way.
Ducks with green balloons.
ETA I like long-sleeved T-shirts because I hate sunblock and yet I need to block the sun.
And definitely some Tunch sprinkled liberally throughout the store.
@Omnes Omnibus: I could be remembering wrong, but wasn’t it last season when no one was sure whether he was coming back, he’d asked to be traded or something, and the consensus from his teammates was “Bon Voyage”?
@CaseyL: You are unbelievably wrong.
I won’t argue with you about the way he comes off, and that’s really surprising when you get down to it. Players, at least smart players, try really hard to manage their public image. Some of them, mostly black ones for some unknown reason, aren’t that successful, but a white player who doesn’t want to come across as a jerk can manage it without too much trouble. That a player comes across as an angry diva is a sign he isn’t really trying, which seems out of character for Rodgers.
If you were a Bears fan you would know what it means. I’m not even a follower of sportsball, but I’m married to one. It was Rodgers’ triumphant taunt to the Bears at the end of their last game, at which the Bears sucked.
I say go old school for the merch: Mustard and Mops!
@Roger Moore: i too like the dangerous Republican playing cards idea. Can we include Greenwald as the Joker?
Not sure how you handle the randomization/identification issue though. (i.e. your opponents recognizing cards based on which asshole is pictured.)
Jim, Foolish Literalist
The word “paraphrasing” has been hospitalized for extreme strain, reportedly in critical but stable condition
@stinger: I’m with you. Who wants to play a supposedly fun game (cards) while having to stare at Ted Cruz or his compatriots?
If you go to Zazzle.com, you will see a panoply of merch. Any and all of it can be customized. Fleece blankets, beer steins, latte cups, every kind of hoodie and t-shirt, just a world of goods.
Have ordered several totebags I made as gifts from there with “19th Amendment Remedies” emblazoned upon it.
Seattle eyeballing their post-bye week game at Lambeau with a little less dread, while pondering the condition of Wilson’s shattered finger.
Let it be noted re. the 2020 season that Seahawks were just one of [checks notes] one NFL team to report no positive Covid tests. Lookin’ at you, thirty-one losers.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
“Paraphrasing”! You made me laugh out loud, and I never use that acronym unless it actually happens.
Not sure his team is mad at him. They seemed to have all known all season.
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
No, A-aron, the most dangerous people in society are nazis with AR-15s but if you wish to self-lump with them, go right ahead.
@WaterGirl: Thirded. Frogs rock. Or rule. Whatever.
@dnfree: The cards wouldn’t be for playing. They would be a deck of ‘most wanted’ criminals just like the Bush Administration produced with the pics of all the Saddam loyalists during the Gulf War.
I’d love a tee shirt with about 6-8 of the rotating tag lines on front.
Great idea. Make it black w rainbow colored lines. AKA the BLM signs.
@Cephalus Max: the back of the cards would all be the same, no?
@Kent: Satisfying to draw the big X across a face when they are indicted or lose their elections.
I can’t wait to have brunch with a friend on Monday who also expressed a couple months back that she was “curious” about Ivermectin after listening to Joe Rogan. She probably feels vindicated knowing that a free thinker like Aaron Rogers gets excellent health advice from the same source.
Brunch will be outdoors and my friend is vaccinated but I don’t know about boosted. Last time we met, she had just gotten her flu shot and told me that she’d consult with her doctor (a real one, I hope) about the Covid booster. So who knows with this bunch of mixed messages.
I’m obviously outnumbered but I vote no. There is enough shopping in this world. Enough coffee mugs and doodads too. But if you do it, maybe use a unionized print shop?
The picture of the person you’re supposed to be IDing is on the face of the card rather than the back. For face cards, the photo goes where the image would normally go. For numbered cards, you stick with the written number in the corner and put the picture in the area where the pips would usually go. This general kind of thing is very common. The military uses it so people learn identification at the same time they are playing their card game. Other people have taken the same general idea and made themed card decks with all kinds of images: wildlife, constellations, famous castles, or whatever floats your boat.
I think they’re all jokers. But that would be a problem if you want to use the cards for any actual game.
How about an Occam’s Eightball? You’d pose a question and a potential answer and shake it. Replies would come up: “That requires too many assumptions,” or “Think of a simpler solution,” etc. It could drive your friends crazy!
The whole idea with themed playing cards is that you do play with them. As you play, you gradually memorize the pictures on the cards, so after wasting a ton of time playing with them you know the pictures very well.
Republican hit list bingo cards. Every time one loses a primary or election, x them out. Bingo card winner gets BJ merch.
How about a Balloon Juice blow up dolly. Just asking.for Baud. \\
@WaterGirl: Ahh, got it.
I still want a Greenwald deck then. He counts.
@Roger Moore:. Oooh. I like this even better.
Cole brand mustard.
Would that we could. But the only way a BJ Shop would work is if the merch is made, shipped, and trafficed by a full-service supplier like Zazzle.
They even handle the complaints and returns. And they allow an endless inventory of every size and color. And then send you 10 to 15% of sales.
No one at BJ is going to want to house and ship a giant inventory of goods. Not to mention, who would pay for it?
Of course, no one needs more stuff. But everyone needs more fun. The BJ Store will mostly be selling fun.
If you do tees, pleeeeeeease offer them in a scoop neck style too, I can’t stand crewneck and it always makes me sad when there’s a cute shirt I want and it only comes in that style. Or a tank top would be cool, too.
Mugs are always good, especially if it says “Balloon Juice” since that feels fitting :)
@The Dangerman: test
A Steve plush with real claws.
Sofa cushions or tea towels with some typically Balloon Juice sayings: “anthrax and tire rims”, “I am aware of all Internet traditions”, or even “Fuck’em”!
@Alison Rose: Yes! Scoop neck tees…I would buy several, I don’t seem to accumulate tees as I did when I was younger.
Idk if anyone already mentioned it, but a balloon man mug would be nice (megaphone man & balloon).
@MazeDancer: Yeah fuck it it’s too much work and obviously we have to have shopping and fun so let’s check out the new Wal Mart. Is what you are saying.
Have you thought about how it is possible for a company to do what you are asking at such an insanely low price? I have a friend who runs a (unionized) print shop and is currently praying he can retire before the online places run him out of business entirely. Those mugs you order are printed on off-shore what-amount-to slave ships and ferried ashore. Zazzle!
An “Anthrax & tire rims” T- shirt would be good, & mugs, I like mugs
Neither steaks nor vodka.
A John Cole shaped butt plug.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@NotMax: John Cole University
@E.: You make a good point, I think. These items are not a necessity. Not even the Occam’s Eightball.
@CaseyL: Don’t forget the Mustard Jar.
@Geminid: Very few things in life are necessities.
Tunch + Steve combo is almost a necessity.
all you people and your “if you can’t afford to pay your employees a living wage you shouldn’t be in business” totally happy to buy useless shit that will be discarded in a year that was built on a slave ship.
@Alison Rose: Crew neck t-shirts are made for male shapes not most women. So I agree with you!
@E.: What the fuck did I do? But do shout at me some more if it makes you feel better.
ETA: Oh yeah. I totally seriously suggested selling merchandise representing Cole’s totally not existent notional goats.
@Omnes Omnibus: You countered an authentic and clear argument with a false equivalency, counselor. And then threw up your hands when challenged and said, “What did I do?” Its insulting.
@MazeDancer: Customized Balloon Juice postcards to voters (printed in a union shop, of course) would be fun, just in a different way.
@E.: Consider taking a walk. Or a deep breath. Not every comment on this blog should be taken seriously.
@Omnes Omnibus: “That requires too many assumptions.”
I don’t know much about stuff like Cafe Press, etc., but I will offer a cranky coffee drinker’s opinion: mugs that can’t hold a full 12 oz of coffee aren’t worthwhile. Sure, you might buy one with a logo on it, but the absolute best use you’ll find of a 10oz mug is as an emergency whiskey glass that holds a double, plus a bit, with room for ice and mixer (if you ice/mix).
That’s not a bad use, but if you’re going to make a highball, you should know to use a highball glass, or, in a pinch, the Old Fashioned glasses which are a bit safer (heavier bottomed) than a mug.
Obviously, if you’re using coffee, that’s nowhere near enough (for those of us serious coffee drinkers).
Short form: if one vendor only has 12+oz mugs, and the other has 10-oz, this is one reader’s push for the former.
I would like socks. Everybody needs socks and fun socks make great gifts. They aren’t too expensive and you don’t have to worry too much about sizes. I bought socks from Pete’s campaign and had to wait as they were sold out for a while. You can get a good idea about what can be done with socks (I see bright red John Cole socks with “RANT” written down the sides, Willow Tree socks, Tunch, Rosie, Lily, Thurston and Steve socks and lots of others with BJ catch phrases. To see what you can do with a sock business, check out SockReligious dot com. I’ve bought them and I’m not Catholic, but who doesn’t like St. Patrick or St. Francis?
Very quickly cobbled together a possible prototype product.
@WaterGirl: When we visited New Zealand, there was an awesome museum at Christchurch honoring the Nobel-prize-winning physicist Ernest Rutherford, with his most famous but possibly apocryphal saying. I was so thrilled that it came in a scoop-neck women’s size, because…not that many women are excited about famous physicists.
Have 47 people already said “ducks in scarves” on t-shirts and coffee mugs? Socks! Also socks! So excited for a Balloon Juice store!
@Cephalus Max: A mug with the balloon juice man on the front and rotating tags on the back. Balloon Man should be the site’s logo, like Wonkette’s Kitten with a Whip.
Tikka giving legendary Face would make a good something…..
@Chief Oshkosh: Bring ’em on!
@MazeDancer: Last Xmas I got a couple of blankets customized with an image from a favorite artist from Society6. I was impressed with the quality and the price. Very cozy!
A while back I got a bunch of stuff from Wonkette when they were having a sale. Playing cards, etc. They’re still in the box.
So, I’d vote for things that can be used around the house over games and the like.
Thanks for doing this, WG!
A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)
@Alison Rose: I second this, except I would prefer a V-neck tee shirt above all.
@WaterGirl: “I need to get out more.”
Agreed. Dang! “Plushie” is, like, decades old now! :-) (That’s a no-hard-feelings smile)
@Kent: How exciting! The pick that pissed Rodgers off gets to play! I he pulls a Mike White (Jets) vs. the Bengals just to keep things interesting.
O. Felix Culpa
@E.: You are not alone.
@Atticus Dogsbody: Dang, man! He’s stubborn. You’ll never get that out. Unless that’s the point.
Note cards that are blank inside would be nice. There could be different sets: pets, pie filters, rotating tags, Betty Cracker art, all sorts of things.
@WaterGirl: Full disclosure: ever since I heard of a particular kink, I can’t call the *object* of that kink a “plushie” any more because it’s what they call the people who like to have additional… body parts… on ordinary stuffed animals.
It’s still an innocent term! It’s just, it’s got two meanings, and I’ve been “scarred” (not really) by knowing the second. Just like there was a time people wouldn’t say a room’s decorations were “gay”, because.
KayInMD (formerly Kay (not the front-pager))
@CaseyL: I love all of these cartoon ideas! alas, I don’t have any drawing talent either.
@Cephalus Max: This is a mug I could get behind in the morning. Especially with a pessimistic message to start my day. ;-)
KayInMD (formerly Kay (not the front-pager))
@Bex: Socks with the balloon juice man. I would def give these to my son.