A small story:
A while ago, on a rainy Saturday before Christmas (which had lasted about seven months), my friend was staring bleakly at her daughters who were alternately torturing each other and her because it wasn't Christmas yet and the Shelf Elf wouldn't exist for years.
— Quinn Cummings (@quinncy) December 12, 2021
Just *not* on the living-room carpet, okay? Quinn Cummings, always an interesting read:
Finally, in desperation, my friend dragged out a box of cheap ornaments she had bought the day after Christmas the year before, grabbed every bottle of glue, glitter, paint the girls had, pulled the car out of the garage, spread out the supplies and told them to go nuts.
Which, they did.
For almost an hour – an eternity in small-child parenting – there was quiet and peace and almost no pinching. Once the ornaments were dry, they hung them outside in the yard because, as my friend said, “That glitter will never leave the living-room carpet.”…
Each year, a few got replaced or their glitter was freshened up or suddenly an old ornament developed feathers and a few more were added. By the time the girls were teens, they didn’t make them any more but woe betide the mother who didn’t zsush the yard…
Every year, my friend would send me the same text:
“Is this tacky? I feel as if it’s tacky. I love it, but it’s tacky, right?”
Every year, I’d write back, “No, it’s cheerful.”
“Not mutually exclusive,” she’d respond.
The girls went to college.
My friend put them up the day before the first one arrived home for the holidays.
Last year, the younger one graduated, such as it was, and began her life in another city, like her sister. Neither are coming back this year.
Yesterday, my friend brought out the ornament box.
For the twentieth year in a row, she decorated the yard and watched the people walking her block…
We were on FaceTime as she showed me the yard.
“This was the first year,” she said, “That people kept thanking me for doing this. People said they like how the ornaments look at night. A couple of them even said it’s not the holidays until our yard is decorated.”
“They’re grateful,” I suggested. I was going to expand upon that but realized that was the whole sentence.
“I guess,” she said simply.
A woman walked past the yard and, like so many before her that day, thanked my friend for doing this. My friend, as always, demurred.
“It’s silly,” my friend mumbled and this woman shook her head vehemently.
“It’s not silly. I babysit a two year old and we have to walk past your house every day so she and I can look at your yard. It makes people happy. The nights are long right now. We need a little light.”
My friend said nothing for a few seconds and then I heard her breathe deeply.
“Well,” she said, quietly, “I’m happy to provide that.”
The woman smiled at her and said, “We’ll be by in a while” as she kept walking.
My friend let the FaceTime drift from the babysitter to an ornament, layered with years of artistic endeavor.
“The yard looks wonderful,” I said.
For once, she didn’t disagree.
Old School
If only there was an accompanying picture.
Oh well, it’s still a good story.
Old School
I didn’t realize there was glitter on the Christmas cards I picked up a week ago. Mrs. School is not happy with me today.
Danielx
Heh – right after marriage, spousal unit and I were at a flea market, where we espied three shoeboxes of old and peeling glass ornaments for two bucks – for all three boxes. Snatched them up, got some metallic spray paint and whatnot and never looked back.
On the other hand, dragging multiple tote tubs of Christmas stuff out of the garage attic down a fold down staircase is getting fuckin’ old, much like me. Those boxes of lights are heavy.
Ixnay
Christmas time is here by golly,
Disapproval would be folly…
John Revolta
Nice story. Makes you think, sometimes you’re making a difference and you don’t even know it.
Also, TIL about zsush!!
Dan B
@Old School: You might get similar responses from recipients…
Dorothy A. Winsor
A couple of days ago, someone on here told the tale of his wife buying a tree skirt with glitter. The dogs dragged it all over the house. The house was be-dazzled and the dogs looked fabulous
Spanky
I’m grateful that someone put
The Great Songs of Christmas Album Five. Goodyear. 1965 on Youtube. Which I’m listening to, imagining it’s spinning on my parents’ old Magnavox console hi-fi.
The other Goodyear Christmas albums are there as well.
Josie
There is something magical about glitter for little girls. They cannot resist its pull. Since I had only boys, I couldn’t take advantage of this knowledge. Now that I am nanny for two granddaughters ( 3 and 6), I can provide glitter to my heart’s content. It also irritates my son, which is kind of fun.
Suzanne
Does anyone else have an inner monologue which consistently informs them that they are lazy, stupid, and ugly? Asking for a friend.
delk
I saw glitter and thought it would be this.
MagdaInBlack
@Suzanne: Tell your “friend” I do
And I tell that inner voice to go F itself.
CarolPW
@Suzanne: Every woman ever, and it is on top of imposter syndrome for those with professional successes.
Fair Economist
What a sweet story!
MisterForkbeard
@Old School:
Might I add that I’m happy you don’t call her “Mrs. Old”? :)
Cmorenc
I was living out on the west coast when my future wife-to-be, who lived on the east coast, flew out on christmas day to visit me for the first time. I spent all day christmas eve making handmade ornaments out of various colors of construction paper and other sorts of assorted “found” odds and ends to decorate the 3 1/2 ft tree i had bought. One of the most fun christmas trees we ever had, and the amateurish elementary-school art project look to the decorations was part of the charm. We later inherited my parents’ huge collection of christmas tree ornaments and havent done the homemade ones since, alas.
Suzanne
@MagdaInBlack: Typically I do the same thing. The volume waxes and wanes, tho.
debbie
I was finding bits of glitter for years after I got the bright idea to make Christmas snow globes with my youngest niece.
JoyceCB
Suzanne, there are more of than you think. I was brought up with an emotionally abusive father who was jealous of anything I accomplished, and while I have largely got past it, even as a senior it never really goes away. As MagdaInBlack said, tell the voice to go fuck itself.
Kristine
@Suzanne: Yup. I make a mental list of all I’ve accomplished, and that beats it silent for a while. Losing myself in something I enjoy doing helps too.
I don’t know if it happens to everyone or just folks who’ve convinced themselves they’re not allowed to make mistakes, or need to be perfect.
Mdub
I just love this post. Nuff said
Kristine
Lovely story.
Currently watching the Alastair Sim version of A Christmas Carol. It’s the best, imo.
Suzanne
@Kristine: I find being uncomfortable (like sweating) makes it shut up because then I’m thinking about how gross I feel instead. Hah.
dm
Ah, glitter.
Back when I was changing the diapers on the infant internet, the it-was-still-a-decade-before-they-were-called-routers that forwarded packets would sometimes crash so badly we’d have to load them from “paper” tape.
But paper tape is too fragile, particularly in the hands of a befuddled security guard at 3AM. So we used mylar tape.
The stuff that comes out of holes when you punch tape is called chad.
My wedding day, my friends thought it would be nice to mix a little mylar chad in with the festivities.
We were still finding it in our luggage a decade later.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@dm: does mylar chad hang?
Omnes Omnibus
This is true.
Kalakal
@Danielx:
Oh I hear you. Even worse is getting the tubs back up to the attic. I do like Christmas decorations though
Ken
@dm: Nearly weightless, flammable, electrically conductive — what’s not to love?
Old School
@Dan B: Maybe, but they’ll only have to handle one card. The box should come with a warning label: “Danger! Contains glitter!”
Old School
@MisterForkbeard:
I considered “Beauty School.”
Steeplejack (phone)
@Suzanne:
I hear “You’re doing it wrong” a lot.
Rob
Aww. I fought back a tear. Wonderful story.
Another Scott
One for Adam…
(via JJMacNab)
Cheers,
Scott.
lurker
@Another Scott: Duuuude! now adam can’t take the job, ‘cuz someone would know where he works…
; – )
Suzanne
@Steeplejack (phone): It has been shouting louder the last few days. Not sure why. I’ve been thinking about doctoral programs and that might be part of it.
Another Scott
@lurker: Two words – “Visiting Adjunct”.
;-)
Cheers,
Scott.
Mike in NC
@Kalakal: I decided to get rid of the huge plastic tubs and have my wife put her Christmas decorations in smaller cardboard boxes. They’re lighter but still moving 25 of them from and back into the attic above the garage is a chore.
Anne Laurie
My annual holiday go-to is the Muppet Xmas Carol — although George C. Scott’s 1984 version is, IMO, underappreciated.
Also gotta speak up for The Preacher’s Wife. Apart from Denzel Washington’s star turn (and that’s a major ‘apart’!), it’s just a nice upbeat movie. And young Jeremiah’s ending call-back to Dudley / Denzel makes me tear up in a way Tiny Tim never could!
Anne Laurie
As a Masshole, let me reassure you: Even the NSA and ISIS, working together, wouldn’t be able to penetrate the seething networks of Lowell.
And if they did… nobody would believe them!
opiejeanne
@lurker: We got a postcard offering us training and a job as a bus driver for a nearby school district. $30/hr, vacation, health, dental, and participation in the state retirement fund. No experience necessary.
I didn’t make that much as a substitute teacher.
James E Powell
Glitter most certainly has its place.
A short-lived era, but underrated and actually kind of fun.
Gin & Tonic
My son is due for a capsulorrhaphy at 0830 tomorrow, his second shoulder surgery in the last 8 years. He is nervous, as are his parents and his wife (who is still 3,000 or so miles away.) But it expanded my vocabulary, so there’s that.
cckids
I will forever love Michael Caine and the Muppet version. It’s just about perfect.
Benw
@Suzanne: I do. OMG I do. On my best days I can stop that voice on the first YOU SUCK but it took work to get there. That voice can be torture. I hope your friend can find help with counceling and therapy; I needed a whole support group to help me push back against that voice.
Dan B
@Old School: Good plan!
My partner’s ex’s sister sends us cards with super fine glitter. It gets everywhere instantly. Wish they came with a warning so we could put them in a clear plastic bag and open them like technicians work on radioactive and other hazardous materials.
Gary K
@John Revolta: I have long known zsush as a spoken word, but this is the first time I’ve seen it in print.
dexwood
No glitter team here. Fuck glitter. Glitter is a virus. It spreads and spreads. We now open all Christmas cards on the back porch to keep glitter out of the house. While I’d rather not judge, rather not stereotype, these last few years glitter cards have all been sent by republican friends and family.
CaseyL
I can’t believe no one has posted this yet – or maybe they did, in an earlier threat.
Reddit has an “Am I the Asshole? (AITA)” section, where people post stories about social miscues and ask if they were wrong.
Someone posted this dilly – about two cats, actual felines, in a workplace; one of whom is… not bright. There was a disagreement that led to a sensitivity training discussion with HR. I don’t want to spoil it for you. It’s hilarious and adorable.
PS: Jorts – that’s the not-very-bright orange boi – is also trending on Twitter.
danielx
@Suzanne:
That would be my invisible evil twin, miserable bastard that he is.
Suzanne
@Benw: What I hate is when the advice is “relax, go easier on yourself, lower your standards”. No, fuck that.
Another Scott
ICYMI, AGU Fall Meeting Press Conference on the retreat of Thwaites glacier (1:07:26) from December 13.
The presentations start around 5:10.
tl;dw – Collapse of the glacier would be a very bad thing, and it seems likely to do so in the next 10 years.
Cheers,
Scott.
NotMax
@Kristine
All subjective opinion, it goes without saying –
Far and away Sim’s version is the top of the heap. First runner–up: the Seymour Hicks adaptation, also from Great Britain (in many respects the film which adheres most closely to the book; note too the colorized version is not complete – it chops off some of the original).
Best kids version: Mr. Magoo.
Best parody: Blackadder.
Kayla Rudbek
@Suzanne: I currently have the inner monologue going that I waste far too many resources with my crafting and my clothes and books. I say this as I’m working on the blanket for my mother-in-law…
debbie
@Benw:
Back in the time of working in an office surrounded by people, I was always calling myself an idiot, often out loud.
Madeleine my sister to do the same.
@Suzanne: Lazy was one of my mother’s criticisms. She had lots of ways to find fault with me, and she taught my sister to do the same. To this day I berate myself for behaving badly when with other people. I’ve found, though, that if I say out loud “I’m a bad person” several times, I can sometimes stop the voice.
BeautifulPlumage
@Dan B: OT but thanks for sending in the pic of your cool gift, the pre-Columbian sculpture.
Madeleine
@Suzanne: Lazy was one of my mother’s criticisms. She had lots of ways to find fault with me, and she taught my sister to do the same. To this day I berate myself for behaving badly when with other people. I’ve found, though, that if I say out loud “I’m a bad person” several times, I can sometimes stop the voice.
BeautifulPlumage
BeautifulPlumage
@Another Scott: uhm, thanks for the info? *shudder*
Kelly
@Suzanne: My inner monologue focuses on how stupid I’ve been. It’s convinced I’m handsome and people are unreasonable about working hard.
Steeplejack
@Suzanne:
The voice gets stronger when there is an opening—doubt, fear, indecision. Just recognizing that it is there is a good step toward neutralizing it.
BeautifulPlumage
@CaseyL: I haven’t finished the update yet but ha ha ha ha *breath* hahahahaha ha ha
Dan B
@Another Scott: Thanks…..
At least it distracts from the political doom. I had to stop reading about global warming. I can take a lot of terrible reality but a steady diet was too much.
Although the thought of Mar A Loco going underwater… hmmm.
Steeplejack
@Gin & Tonic:
Good luck and a speedy recovery to your son! It’s no fun going under the knife, or so I have been told.
Dan B
@BeautifulPlumage: You’re most welcome. The gift giver was very pleased. It’s nice to see your generosity appreciated and providing some laughs for the likes of Baud – pantsless + on the ‘throne’, really!
The gifter has said he’s now a Juicer.
Benw
@Suzanne: my voice didn’t care about standards, either. Look, I don’t have magic advice. I lived with self-hatred for a long time. I continue to. I finally found a therapist and support group that worked for me even though it was day by day. Just don’t give up trying to find what works for you, I never thought I would but I did
BeautifulPlumage
EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND GO READ THE AITA THAT CASEYL POSTED ABOVE. AND MAKE SURE TO READ THE UPDATE!!!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
and thank you CaseyL! I’m going to go read it again
(sorry to yell but this is important)
Dan B
@BeautifulPlumage: Yort RULES!
Benw
@debbie: You aren’t an idiot of course. I hope you know that! I will still walk down a hallway at work or at home and out loud tell myself what a fucking useless idiot I am, if I don’t catch myself. I hope you’re doing better too.
BeautifulPlumage
@Dan B: I nominate a new rotating tag: ‘I can’t believe she fuckin buttered jorts”
Narya
I have tears of laughter from the Jean/Jorts update so thank you for that. Hugs in whatever forms work, for negative headvoices, for all of us.
Chetan Murthy
jesus h christ.
SiubhanDuinne
I just watched a clip of Liz Cheney addressing the House earlier tonight in which she referred to Jim Jordan as “my colleague from the other side.” LOL.
BeautifulPlumage
@CaseyL: I love that 4 folks got vaxxed but lose it at the apology abc’s
lurker
@Anne Laurie: not immediately related, but having driven around Boston before, during and after the big dig construction, having a known address and high-quality gps available might still not be enough to penetrate that place and actually get where you want to go … so maybe adam can take the job after all…
Another Scott
Speaking of JRRT’s books and movies, …
rofl.
Er, :-/
(via Popehat)
Cheers,
Scott.
lurker
@opiejeanne: not sure of how this relates to adam not being able to take a job because it would enable people to know where he is.
However, having looked into sub pay at local schools, it seems like it is not much above minimum wage – the people I know who have done it have generally done the work or taken longer-term sub positions when convenient to their schedule, and used the off hours for childcare purposes. Being a sub seems like a tough job.
Ken
I’m reminded of one of Pratchett’s books, where Rincewind is considering the difference between demons and the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions. Demons may want to steal your soul, but that’s because they value souls. The Things don’t care about souls, or about anything; they just want to destroy all existence.
I will allow the reader to make their own assignment of Cheney and Jordan in this analogy.
CaseyL
@BeautifulPlumage: I loved that part! Actually, I loved all the parts.
SiubhanDuinne
@Narya:
Here is where I totally lost it:
I am weeping with mirth.
Narya
@SiubhanDuinne: that, and the margarine on the cat. I will giggle about this for DAYS.
rikyrah
Who cut the onions????
CaseyL
I can just hear the bemused, didn’t-mean-to-offend, tone of voice.
SiubhanDuinne
@Narya:
But you just know Jorts won’t use the expensive personalised bed. He’s going to keep sleeping in the wet boots tray. You know he is.
Gretchen
@Suzanne: I wonder if that voice is echoing someone from your childhood? Like it’s not really your voice, it’s some other awful person’s voice? My son’s girlfriend told us that we have been nicer to her than anyone else in her life. That made me feel bad in that we weren’t treating her differently than any of our children’s other friends. She’s struggling a lot with a challenging new job and feeling like she’s not measuring up. I wonder if she’s hearing that voice, and what I can do to shut it up.
Mel
@CarolPW: Agreed. Usually starts up right when you need the opposite messaging, too (during presentations/ night before a really important interview, etc.).
Mine sounds suspiciously like my mother…
Mel
@JoyceCB: ?
Mel
@Gretchen: I don’t think that you can ever silence someone else’s inner demons, but just really seeing and listening to them, being kind and accepting them as they are goes a long, long way towards helping them fight those inner voices of judgment, now and later in their lives.
I still think of two friends’ Moms whose kindness was a light through some dark times decades ago. Yvonne and Suzie were their names, and they will never know how much their simple kindnesses meant.
They have both passed away, but I still remember them with enormous affection and think of them as role models for how I want to treat my nieces and their friends.
Those two ladies just always made their kids’ friends feel truly welcome, took time to remember individual things like favorite foods or special interests, and upcoming important days like birthdays, and asked / listened when they could see we were looking sad or stressed. I remember Suzi saying, “Any mother would be lucky to have a daughter like you, just because you’re you.” Decades later, I still call up the sound of her voice and those words to drown our my inner negative voice. It mattered then, to a sad 16 year old, and it still has power now.
You’re already doing exactly what she needs. The fact that you see her, care about her, and want to reassure her tells me that your home is a safe place where she knows that she matters.
JoyceH
Love the Jean and Jorts story. I’d never heard the stereotype about orange cats being dumb, but come to think of it, my Mom had a flame point Himalayan that I inherited, and Gordon never did figure out how to pull open a door that opened inward. He’d just sit at the door that was ajar maybe two inches, and stare at it sadly until my Abyssinian Winston came along and pulled it open. I remember Mom trying to teach him how to open doors, too, but she soon gave up on the project.
MagdaInBlack
@Mel: Mine is definitely my mother. I can tell by the disgusted, disapproving tone.
Mel
@MagdaInBlack: Omg, yes. My mother had mastered the fine art of being disgusted, disdainful, self-righteous, and passive aggressive all at once.
sheldon vogt
@MisterForkbeard: He’s old, not stupid.
SiubhanDuinne
@CaseyL:
Cross-posted from an upstairs thread. I think this is a tweet from some random Twitter person:
I am quietly dying.
Mel
@SiubhanDuinne: That is perfection!