The thing you need to understand about today's Zillow find is that it was built in 2010 in the United States of America. 1/ pic.twitter.com/Rd5JrrsVgr
— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022
Here is a homeowner who always dreamed of looking down on his neighbors, possibly over a cauldron of boiling oil.
Two full years into the financial crisis, these people decided that what they needed was a MOAT. 2/ pic.twitter.com/DFGfqKIzmh
— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022
But then there's this rustic tilt to it too, like we just happen to be in the enchanted woods but with marble floors and a flat-screen. 6/ pic.twitter.com/CgJbVNf4Rn
— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022
He had barely moved in w his wife and children when she filed for divorce. So he moved his pregnant girlfriend (oh) and her daughter in instead.
— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022
And here's our protagonist, eating dinner alone, too sad even to put food on his plate or light his candle. pic.twitter.com/Yf1W00CjBE
— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022
If you think Ms. Makkai might be exaggerating for effect, check out the Chrismark Castle website:
The Chris Mark Castle commands the land around historic Potter Pond. Fit for the contemporary king, this architectural wonder is accessible via two different stone bridges. Upon crossing between towering turrets, the natural stone pathways guide visitors over a deep moat that surrounds the entire estate. Through the gate facing threshold, an expansive dining area serves to greet all with stunning austerity and elegance. Masterfully painted scenes of the sky’s own clouds lie framed by hand toiled molding constructed into the ceiling overhead. Just beyond the breathtaking dining area one may behold a panoramic lakeview from the castle’s massive hosting kitchen. An exotic plant nursery, home theatre and complete performing arts stage exist on the castle’s ground floor. A fully equipped audio recording studio connects to a fully functioning clothing design and tailoring space. Taking the elevator up two floors will land one onto a floor of luxuriously outfitted suites. Saunas, granite surfaced bathing rooms and towering bedrooms all feature stunning views of the property’s manicured forestland. Ascending even higher, brings one to the castle’s highest point. An all glass observation tower unleashes the mystique of the lake and surrounding foliage.
There’s also a TikTok tab, but I don’t think you can blame the owner for what happens on TikTok…
Suzanne
As a delightfully judgmental friend would say, “All his taste is in his mouth”.
Come sit by me, and all that.
Chetan Murthy
$4.1m ? Maybe $41m, but not $4.1m
dmsilev
Could happen to any of us, right?
mrmoshpotato
As if the place wasn’t weird enough!
Anotherlurker
OMG! How f’n pretentious and tacky. I just had a flash vision of Madam DeFarge and her knitting giving her opinion of action to be taken against this legacy asshole.
The rich really are the true parasites.
mrmoshpotato
Fixed.
NotMax
For sale, hellhole.
Suzanne
@NotMax: Why are rich people such dicks?
Why does autocorrect want to change dicks to ducks?
Scout211
Rebecca Makkai? She is an amazing author! I just loved The Great Believers. It was such a wonderful book, a beautifully written story. I highly recommend it.
She’s an award-winner author but this shows that she also has a wonderful sense of humor!
The Great Believers
sdhays
@Chetan Murthy: Yeah, $4.1m spent that then sells for $35m just isn’t possible. If building something like that costs only 12% of buying it, anyone with that kind of money wouldn’t bother with buying someone else’s tacky castle. They’d just build it themselves.
mrmoshpotato
@Suzanne:
Because you haven’t called rich people dicks enough. :)
Suzanne
@mrmoshpotato: Well, allow me to rectify that! DICKS. Rich people are DICKS.
In this case, they are dicks with terrible taste.
Jay
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/convoy-protest-border-lethbridge-alberta-1.6332936
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
Gasp, deep breath,
Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,…..
Kenney and his minions stoked this ignorance and extremism and now it’s costing Albertistan millions of dollars a day because the Frankenstein they unleashed is biting their own a$$.
NotMax
@Suzanne
As a sage person once said, “I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.”
;)
mrmoshpotato
@Suzanne: LOL! Hopefully autocorrect gets the picture!
Tehanu
This is even better — for values of “better” that mean “hilariously awful” — than McMansion Hell.
dm
Rosebud…..
Anonymous At Work
The furnishings look like what Trump would chose if he was into polished hard wood and feudal times rather than gold and marble.
Poe Larity
I’m worried about John. Hesseman’s passing may have had a big impact on a college DJ.
satby
The entire Twitter thread is a hoot. I think the planned “modeling agency” was supposed to be a brothel.
mrmoshpotato
@Jay: Assholes. Get your Canadian bitchasses vaccinated, eh.
mrmoshpotato
In this case, “Sarcophagus…”
Ohio Mom
I can’t decide if he looks like a creep or if it’s the makeup he’s wearing. Maybe both.
mrmoshpotato
Whose suits of armor don’t watch them eat?
Urban Suburbanite
That bathroom does look kind of amazing. If it reeked slightly less of Divorced Trustfunditarian, it might not do too badly on Airbnb. There’s no way in hell anyone’s going to buy that thing, though.
And y’all need to check out this interview with Dominic Cumming. He doesn’t just admit that he’s the one who kept those photos for ammo against the Great White Bulk, he really tries to justify it as some kind of public service. I guess that’s better than saying this was revenge for getting canned last year, but this is a man who has been using way too much of his own supply.
https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2022/01/dominic-cummings-the-man-trying-to-take-down-boris-johnson.html
Urban Suburbanite
@mrmoshpotato:
I’ve always wanted breakfast to feel like I’m ordering an execution and to get lost on my way to the coffee maker.
LongHairedWeirdo
I think good messaging on the Supreme Court nom is “Why are they so absolutely sure a black woman *can’t* be the best candidate?” I’m sure they’ll claim it’s the content of her character.
Every single time! Why do political reporters keep repeating this nonsense. The Republicans always say a Latina can’t be the best candidate because she thought earlier court decisions lacked wisdom that a new point of view could have improved.
Now, Brett Kavanaugh, the kind of whiny batch that makes Kyle Rittenhouse feel like a big man, and they thought that a white man was the best possible candidate. Content of his character? He claims he’s being persecuted over a simple question of fact?
Why didn’t he say he might have done it, does not remember it, and that he’s not that man any more? What’s another lie under oath?
You know he did it, right? He said he wasn’t at “that” party, a party that had exactly one distinction to it, an attack, that he did not perform, did not know about, and couldn’t possibly have been aware of… SO HOW DOES HE KNOW WHICH PARTY? An easily forged document, with all the reliability of “Donald Trump’s Health Care Plan” because what’s more convincing than 5 reams of paper of the same old, same old?
Anyway: *HE* was the best candidate? No human being not a white man, legal training almost optional. (They’re just going to decide what they want, and have the clerks make it look good.)
mrmoshpotato
@satby: More money than sense! That thread is crazy.
RaflW
Look at this fucking asshole. He’s the chief WH correspondent for the NY Times. And he has the gall to be jaded. And act as if some other mechanism that the god damned NYT itself hasn’t played a roll.
These fucking shitstains.
Starfish
I am too full to eat the rich right now. That thread should have made the request before dinner.
zhena gogolia
“handtoiled moldings”
“manicured forestland”
Jim, Foolish Literalist
personally, I’d love to have a moat
?BillinGlendaleCA
@zhena gogolia:
Guess he has it raked.
columbusqueen
I think it’s time for the Woodstock peasants to stage a nice little torchlight parade to Mr. Mark’s doorstep.
Suzanne
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: I want murder holes, myself. Seems like a nice way to greet one’s guests.
Gin & Tonic
@?BillinGlendaleCA: You guys in California should try that. I hear it cuts down on forest fires.
mrmoshpotato
The People vs Dr. Kildare is on TCM, and everyone’s getting subpoenaed.
Kay
@RaflW:
They contacted state election officials and told them to “find votes”- the specific number they needed.
If a candidate for city council did that they would be in prison.
Jay
@?BillinGlendaleCA:
waxed,…….
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Gin & Tonic: Some orange guy mentioned that.
Kalakal
If I lived in that neighbourhood I’d be busy building a trebuchet. That building would be more aesthetically pleasing as a pile of rubble
RaflW
@Kay: The glib way top journalists announce they just don’t give a shit, though. It’s stunning.
LongHairedWeirdo
@RaflW: Don’t complain. Mock them.
“I remember when political journalists didn’t spread lies like complete morons, and would tell stories about massive amounts of corruption. It’s a shame; no commitment to the truth, just to profits.
“I suppose they’ve been called the liberal media so long that they’re running with the Republicans.”
I mean, look at these guys… deadly insurrection: how will this affect the midterms? Latest boogabooga, critical race theory, which says white people are big babies afraid to learn that sometimes, people are mean.
I guess during chattel slavery, when a white man murdered a black man, they excused it by referring to black on black violence. Hah, no, they didn’t need an excuse. Their attitude was, do I go to a judge before I do anything to any of my property? But don’t worry.
After we fought a war to bring the rebels back, we decided to do something called reconstruction. That means, we took the people who hated Black people, who saw Black people as worthless, and we said “you know what’s a great idea? Let’s put those haters in charge to create a state sponsored terrorist regime.” I’m ashamed of that, though I had no part of it.
Why is that hard for whites? Is this, like, Black people can’t possibly be as sensitive as our precious darlings?”
Or you could do something clever or funny,if you like.
Suzanne
@Kalakal: I used to live near a house that had belonged to an ASU football coach. The dude bought this strangely shaped parcel of land in the middle of all these middle class neighborhoods. Anyway, there was a ziggurat next to the house. Never knew the reason.
Peale
Yeah. I’m actually kind of a fan of eccentric rich people’s homes and other whimsies. Places like the House on the Rock in Wisconsin, or Olana in New York. Will stop in for a tour. But…there isn’t anything enticing about this place. My own private Disney Castle? It looks surprisingly small. Like it has 7 foot ceilings to cut costs. Where’s the great hall? Where’s the cool library? Where’s the collection of unusual things?
LongHairedWeirdo
@Kay: Yes. So why are we acting this way? I mean, any arguments that this was not hella corrupt is in bad faith. He’s on tape, and he’s got to learn you can’t just use circumlocution to avoid prosecution. Any intelligent jury would know what they were hearing.
Stop letting them think “well, we are deeply concerned, and someone who isn’t me should really do something Ask why they *aren’t*. Ask what conservative value supports this request? The request to find votes I mean.
I mean, it proves Republicans never gave a damn about voter fraud, right? They just want to put a virtual wall around polling places, and like with all walls, they slow things down. Hey, remember “wall always works”? Was that deliberate, or should someone have told us about the President’s verbal skills deterioration? If it was deliberate, it makes sense – he’s so juvenile, he hasn’t learned to make plurals.
mrmoshpotato
@Peale: Where are the nightly fireworks launched from?
LongHairedWeirdo
And as we all know, Trump famously passed a test used to detect mental deterioration so severe, it’s obvious something is wrong. And he bragged, and bragged. And you know, I think, like Peter Griffin, he found that going potty ALL BY HIMSELF for the first time to be rewarding. I refuse to ask what the reward is. I have a tender stomach.
Leto
@Suzanne: going to venture the human sacrifices he was performing for the team just weren’t working.
Kalakal
@Peale: Yes that’s what gets me about this place. I love wandering around mad old houses but this dump is just banal. It doesn’t work on any level. And as you say it’s too small, if you’re to make a pseudo castle, even if you have no idea of proportion, detailing etc build the wretched thing on an impressive scale.
This is how I’d do it
https://images.app.goo.gl/1296vwXJvPZSkuMc9
Another Scott
They’re asking $60M now. All publicity is good publicity, nicht wahr??
A bargain!
Virginia’s new governor had his 31.5 acre horse farm in Great Falls rezoned so that he would only pay $3600 a year in property tax on it.
Mr. Mark needs to work on his MotU stylings…
Grrr…,
Scott.
RepubAnon
@Starfish: grind them up and give them to the cat. When the cat sniffs and walks away, there’s always the compost bucket – or a hazmat disposal site.
Jay
@Another Scott:
here, you have to have actual agriculture sales, ( crops) or logging income, every year, at set dollar levels per acre to qualify for the reduced FF1 tax rate.
Mai Naem mobile
That is one ugly castle. And the guy gives off some pervy creep vibes.
Parfigliano
@Ohio Mom: He looks like a young Bill Kristol
RaflW
@LongHairedWeirdo: Republicans think non-whites voting is inherently fraudulent, so they ‘believe’ in preventing fraud.
Theft, if it benefits the already rich, has always been ok with the GOP. Stealing an election fits right in.
RaflW
@Peale: I was going to suggest Robolights in Palm Springs as a sort of extended eccentric home tour (you just tour the grounds of the artist compound, which was the family home/estate, but man was it strange-amazing).
Alas it has been shut down the past couple years. It may relocate, but I think not having it in a residential neighborhood at what is obviously someone’s overgrown, bizarro house it would lose quite a bit.
columbusqueen
@Parfigliano: More like Epstein’s younger brother.
prostratedragon
Just one glance at that photo and caption up top had me spontaneously shouting, “Help!!” If you see that guy coming, hasten the other way.
prostratedragon
How could you forget the sarcophagus?!
Omnes Omnibus
@Kalakal:
It really is indefensible.
Omnes Omnibus
@Peale: It has a sarcophagus, doesn’t it?
Jay
@Omnes Omnibus:
it’s not really a castle, thus is indefeasible,
it’s a mix of Disney movies, acid and way too much money and ignorance,
so, doubly indefensible,
triple if you include eyesore,
NotMax
@Peale
“It’s so pseudo-hip it’s got leisure suits of armor.”
Omnes Omnibus
@Jay: Hence my word choice.
divF
@Jay: When I was a child, my parents took me to the original version of these knockoffs, i.e. the Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria. Which is still a 19th-century fake built by a madman, but at least Ludwig II did it on a grand scale.
Roger Moore
@LongHairedWeirdo:
I think the core starting point for this is one of elitism. Conservatives see the Supreme Court as an elite institution, so it must be the case that only a handful of people are qualified to serve on it. If you don’t pick one of the people they prefer, it’s because you’re weakening the institution and bringing in second-rate people.
Of course the reality is there are plenty of people more than qualified to serve on the Supreme Court. The hard part of nominating someone isn’t finding the rare person who’s qualified; it’s sifting through the list of good candidates. Narrowing the list of candidates by adding arbitrary demographic restrictions is a sensible way of keeping it small enough to manage.
sab
We have a couple of robber baron mansions in my town. Ridiculous concept, but the actual houses are quite nice. This thing is sort of a pimple in its neighborhood. Wow. What can you use for moat alligators that far north? Beavers? River otters?
Cermet
Tacky, yes, ridiculous, well yes. Any worse then the gated communities that have Mc Mansions? Absolutely not. In some ways better – at least this person isn’t hiding his “I’ve got money and am rather crazy”. Also, paying service to the original robber barons is kinda funny and at least the resale value is in the toilet so this is a huge money loser unlike the vast Mansions you find in California or the insane penthouse’s of the ubber wealthy in NY; those will return huge sums well over the original cost.
Ken
Please, brothels are for peasants. Someone like this is thinking droit du seigneur.
Ken
@prostratedragon: Maybe the owner was trying to steer the conversation away from the sarcophagus, because it hides the secret door to the
bondage playroombat cavewine cellar.Rachel Bakes
This made the rounds in my family a couple weeks ago. In the current context I want the signal to shrink so it doesn’t come to TFGs attention. It’s tacky and ridiculous for him. We don’t want him in CT!
raven
This place is known as the “Snake House”
Many local craftspeople (including the guys who did our renovation) worked on it for a couple of years. The builder is a buddy of mine and he let my wife, her pop and myself tour it before it was completed. He and and a Japanese and Norwegian carpenter went to Vancouver, picked the logs, dry built it there and then shipped the logs to Georgia. This picture gives you an idea of the scale of the “snake sculpture” in the driveway.
raven
This is the snake bannister on the circular stairway that was made from a tree.
James E Powell
@raven:
I would have nightmares
drunkenhausfrau
His ex wife’s name is Mary Galt. Really? This whole thing seems like an elaborate prank.