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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Sunday Night Open Thread: Dreams of An Everyday Feudalist

Sunday Night Open Thread: Dreams of An Everyday Feudalist

by Anne Laurie|  January 30, 20229:35 pm| 76 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Show Us on the Doll Where the Invisible Hand Touched You

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The thing you need to understand about today's Zillow find is that it was built in 2010 in the United States of America. 1/ pic.twitter.com/Rd5JrrsVgr

— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022

Here is a homeowner who always dreamed of looking down on his neighbors, possibly over a cauldron of boiling oil.

Two full years into the financial crisis, these people decided that what they needed was a MOAT. 2/ pic.twitter.com/DFGfqKIzmh

— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022

But then there's this rustic tilt to it too, like we just happen to be in the enchanted woods but with marble floors and a flat-screen. 6/ pic.twitter.com/CgJbVNf4Rn

— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022

He had barely moved in w his wife and children when she filed for divorce. So he moved his pregnant girlfriend (oh) and her daughter in instead.

— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022

And here's our protagonist, eating dinner alone, too sad even to put food on his plate or light his candle. pic.twitter.com/Yf1W00CjBE

— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022

If you think Ms. Makkai might be exaggerating for effect, check out the Chrismark Castle website:

The Chris Mark Castle commands the land around historic Potter Pond. Fit for the contemporary king, this architectural wonder is accessible via two different stone bridges. Upon crossing between towering turrets, the natural stone pathways guide visitors over a deep moat that surrounds the entire estate. Through the gate facing threshold, an expansive dining area serves to greet all with stunning austerity and elegance. Masterfully painted scenes of the sky’s own clouds lie framed by hand toiled molding constructed into the ceiling overhead. Just beyond the breathtaking dining area one may behold a panoramic lakeview from the castle’s massive hosting kitchen. An exotic plant nursery, home theatre and complete performing arts stage exist on the castle’s ground floor. A fully equipped audio recording studio connects to a fully functioning clothing design and tailoring space. ​Taking the elevator up two floors will land one onto a floor of luxuriously outfitted suites. ​Saunas, granite surfaced bathing rooms and towering bedrooms all feature stunning views of the property’s manicured forestland. ​Ascending even higher, brings one to the castle’s highest point. An all glass observation tower unleashes the mystique of the lake and surrounding foliage.

There’s also a TikTok tab, but I don’t think you can blame the owner for what happens on TikTok…

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Reader Interactions

76Comments

  1. 1.

    Suzanne

    January 30, 2022 at 9:41 pm

    As a delightfully judgmental friend would say, “All his taste is in his mouth”.

    Come sit by me, and all that.

  2. 2.

    Chetan Murthy

    January 30, 2022 at 9:42 pm

    $4.1m ?  Maybe $41m, but not $4.1m

  3. 3.

    dmsilev

    January 30, 2022 at 9:43 pm

    During the lawsuit over child support for the girlfriend (he'd been paying $1k a month), both alleged that the other was responsible for the starvation death of a camel.— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022

    Could happen to any of us, right?

  4. 4.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 9:44 pm

    SHOOT, wait, back to the story in a second, but I forgot to show you the sarcophagus!

    As if the place wasn’t weird enough!

  5. 5.

    Anotherlurker

    January 30, 2022 at 9:44 pm

    OMG! How f’n pretentious and tacky. I just had a flash vision of Madam DeFarge and her knitting giving her opinion of action to be taken against this legacy asshole.
    The rich really are the true parasites.

  6. 6.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 9:46 pm

    An all glass observation tower unleashes the mystique of the lake and surrounding foliage let’s everyone around know you’re a creepy, rich bastard.

    Fixed.

  7. 7.

    NotMax

    January 30, 2022 at 9:49 pm

    For sale, hellhole.

    Questions over shoreline access and public versus private jurisdiction have bubbled to the surface in a controversy that pits a wealthy blockchain entrepreneur against many who frequent the popular Cliff House swimming spot in Kapalua.
    [snip]
    Cliff House fronts high-end resort Montage Kapalua Bay on Hawea Point, a stunning peninsula overlooking Namalu Bay. Public access and native seabird ʻuaʻu kani protection are set in perpetuity thanks to a conservation easement solidified by a previous landowner, according to Hawai’i Land Trust and Maui Nui Seabird Recovery Project.
    [snip]
    Hailed as one of the pioneers of virtual currency, Yantis purchased the 9 Bay Drive, Kapalua, 6,645 square-foot mansion on about 7.66 acres in 2020 for $24 million, according to county records. It was listed in 2019 for $37.5 million and he’s now selling it for $59.5 million, real estate listings said. Source

  8. 8.

    Suzanne

    January 30, 2022 at 9:51 pm

    @NotMax: Why are rich people such dicks?

    Why does autocorrect want to change dicks to ducks?

  9. 9.

    Scout211

    January 30, 2022 at 9:51 pm

    Rebecca Makkai? She is an amazing author! I just loved The Great Believers. It was such a wonderful book, a beautifully written story.  I highly recommend it.

    She’s an award-winner author but this shows that she also has a wonderful sense of humor!

    The Great Believers

  10. 10.

    sdhays

    January 30, 2022 at 9:52 pm

    @Chetan Murthy: Yeah, $4.1m spent that then sells for $35m just isn’t possible. If building something like that costs only 12% of buying it, anyone with that kind of money wouldn’t bother with buying someone else’s tacky castle. They’d just build it themselves.

  11. 11.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 9:54 pm

    @Suzanne:

    Why does autocorrect want to change dicks to ducks? 

    Because you haven’t called rich people dicks enough. :)

  12. 12.

    Suzanne

    January 30, 2022 at 9:57 pm

    @mrmoshpotato: Well, allow me to rectify that! DICKS. Rich people are DICKS.

    In this case, they are dicks with terrible taste.

  13. 13.

    Jay

    January 30, 2022 at 9:57 pm

    https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/calgary/convoy-protest-border-lethbridge-alberta-1.6332936

    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,

    Gasp, deep breath,

    Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,…..

    Kenney and his minions stoked this ignorance and extremism and now it’s costing Albertistan millions of dollars a day because the Frankenstein they unleashed is biting their own a$$.

  14. 14.

    NotMax

    January 30, 2022 at 9:57 pm

    @Suzanne

    As a sage person once said, “I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.”

    ;)

  15. 15.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 9:59 pm

    @Suzanne: LOL!  Hopefully autocorrect gets the picture!

  16. 16.

    Tehanu

    January 30, 2022 at 10:01 pm

    This is even better — for values of “better” that mean “hilariously awful” — than McMansion Hell.

  17. 17.

    dm

    January 30, 2022 at 10:02 pm

    Rosebud…..

  18. 18.

    Anonymous At Work

    January 30, 2022 at 10:02 pm

    The furnishings look like what Trump would chose if he was into polished hard wood and feudal times rather than gold and marble.

  19. 19.

    Poe Larity

    January 30, 2022 at 10:02 pm

    I’m worried about John. Hesseman’s passing may have had a big impact on a college DJ.

  20. 20.

    satby

    January 30, 2022 at 10:03 pm

    The entire Twitter thread is a hoot. I think the planned “modeling agency” was supposed to be a brothel.

  21. 21.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 10:03 pm

    @Jay: Assholes.  Get your Canadian bitchasses vaccinated, eh.

  22. 22.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 10:05 pm

    @dm: Rosebud…..

    In this case, “Sarcophagus…”

  23. 23.

    Ohio Mom

    January 30, 2022 at 10:16 pm

    I can’t decide if he looks like a creep or if it’s the makeup he’s wearing. Maybe both.

  24. 24.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 10:16 pm

    Whose suits of armor don’t watch them eat?

    But also! Suits of armor watching you eat! 7/ pic.twitter.com/A4APVPC7Oq— Rebecca Makkai (@rebeccamakkai) January 14, 2022

  25. 25.

    Urban Suburbanite

    January 30, 2022 at 10:18 pm

    That bathroom does look kind of amazing. If it reeked slightly less of Divorced Trustfunditarian, it might not do too badly on Airbnb. There’s no way in hell anyone’s going to buy that thing, though.

    And y’all need to check out this interview with Dominic Cumming. He doesn’t just admit that he’s the one who kept those photos for ammo against the Great White Bulk, he really tries to justify it as some kind of public service. I guess that’s better than saying this was revenge for getting canned last year, but this is a man who has been using way too much of his own supply.

    https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2022/01/dominic-cummings-the-man-trying-to-take-down-boris-johnson.html

  26. 26.

    Urban Suburbanite

    January 30, 2022 at 10:19 pm

    @mrmoshpotato:

    I’ve always wanted breakfast to feel like I’m ordering an execution and to get lost on my way to the coffee maker.

  27. 27.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    January 30, 2022 at 10:23 pm

    I think good messaging on the Supreme Court nom is “Why are they so absolutely sure a black woman *can’t* be the best candidate?” I’m sure they’ll claim it’s the content of her character.

     

    Every single time! Why do political reporters keep repeating this nonsense. The Republicans always say a Latina can’t be the best  candidate because she thought earlier court decisions lacked wisdom that a new point of view could have improved.

    Now, Brett Kavanaugh, the kind of whiny batch that makes Kyle Rittenhouse feel like a big man, and they thought that a white man was the best possible candidate. Content of his character? He claims he’s being persecuted over a simple question of fact?

    Why didn’t he say he might have done it, does not remember it, and that he’s not that man any more? What’s another lie under oath?

    You know he did it, right? He said he wasn’t at “that” party, a party that had exactly one distinction to it, an attack, that he did not perform, did not know about, and couldn’t possibly have been aware of… SO HOW DOES HE KNOW WHICH PARTY? An easily forged document, with all the reliability of “Donald Trump’s Health Care Plan” because what’s more convincing than 5 reams of paper of the same old, same old?

    Anyway: *HE* was the best candidate? No human being not a white man, legal training almost optional. (They’re just going to decide what they want, and have the clerks make it look good.)

  28. 28.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 10:23 pm

    @satby: More money than sense!  That thread is crazy.

  29. 29.

    RaflW

    January 30, 2022 at 10:23 pm

    Look at this fucking asshole. He’s the chief WH correspondent for the NY Times. And he has the gall to be jaded. And act as if some other mechanism that the god damned NYT itself hasn’t played a roll.

    These fucking shitstains.

    @peterbakernyt
    Old enough to remember when it would have been shocking to see a former president admit that his goal was to have “overturned the Election.”

  30. 30.

    Starfish

    January 30, 2022 at 10:26 pm

    I am too full to eat the rich right now. That thread should have made the request before dinner.

  31. 31.

    zhena gogolia

    January 30, 2022 at 10:33 pm

    “handtoiled moldings”

    “manicured forestland”

  32. 32.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    January 30, 2022 at 10:39 pm

    personally, I’d love to have a moat

  33. 33.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 30, 2022 at 10:45 pm

    @zhena gogolia:

    “manicured forestland”

    Guess he has it raked.

  34. 34.

    columbusqueen

    January 30, 2022 at 10:45 pm

    I think it’s time for the Woodstock peasants to stage a nice little torchlight parade to Mr. Mark’s doorstep.

  35. 35.

    Suzanne

    January 30, 2022 at 10:45 pm

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: I want murder holes, myself. Seems like a nice way to greet one’s guests.

  36. 36.

    Gin & Tonic

    January 30, 2022 at 10:47 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA: You guys in California should try that. I hear it cuts down on forest fires.

  37. 37.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 10:49 pm

    The People vs Dr. Kildare is on TCM, and everyone’s getting subpoenaed.

  38. 38.

    Kay

    January 30, 2022 at 10:49 pm

    @RaflW:

    They contacted state election officials and told them to “find votes”- the specific number they needed.

    If a candidate for city council did that they would be in prison.

  39. 39.

    Jay

    January 30, 2022 at 10:50 pm

    @?BillinGlendaleCA:

    waxed,…….

  40. 40.

    ?BillinGlendaleCA

    January 30, 2022 at 10:50 pm

    @Gin & Tonic: Some orange guy mentioned that.

  41. 41.

    Kalakal

    January 30, 2022 at 10:55 pm

    If I lived in that neighbourhood I’d be busy building a trebuchet. That building would be more aesthetically pleasing as a pile of rubble

  42. 42.

    RaflW

    January 30, 2022 at 10:58 pm

    @Kay: The glib way top journalists announce they just don’t give a shit, though. It’s stunning.

  43. 43.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    January 30, 2022 at 10:58 pm

    @RaflW: Don’t complain. Mock them.

    “I remember when political journalists didn’t spread lies like complete morons, and would tell stories about massive amounts of corruption. It’s a shame; no commitment to the truth, just to profits.

    “I suppose they’ve been called the liberal media so long that they’re running with the Republicans.”

    I mean, look at these guys… deadly insurrection: how will this affect the midterms? Latest boogabooga, critical race theory, which says white people are big babies afraid to learn that sometimes, people are mean.

    I guess during chattel slavery, when a white man murdered a black man, they excused it by referring to black on black violence. Hah, no, they didn’t need an excuse. Their attitude was, do I go to a judge before I do anything to any of my property? But don’t worry.

    After we fought a war to bring the rebels back, we decided to do something called reconstruction. That means, we took the people who hated Black people, who saw Black people as worthless, and we said “you know what’s a great idea? Let’s put those haters in charge to create a state sponsored terrorist regime.” I’m ashamed of that, though I had no part of it.

    Why is that hard for whites? Is this, like, Black people can’t possibly be as sensitive as our precious darlings?”

    Or you could do something clever or funny,if you like.

  44. 44.

    Suzanne

    January 30, 2022 at 10:59 pm

    @Kalakal: I used to live near a house that had belonged to an ASU football coach. The dude bought this strangely shaped parcel of land in the middle of all these middle class neighborhoods. Anyway, there was a ziggurat next to the house. Never knew the reason.

  45. 45.

    Peale

    January 30, 2022 at 11:01 pm

    Yeah. I’m actually kind of a fan of eccentric rich people’s homes and other whimsies. Places like the House on the Rock in Wisconsin, or Olana in New York. Will stop in for a tour. But…there isn’t anything enticing about this place. My own private Disney Castle? It looks surprisingly small. Like it has 7 foot ceilings to cut costs. Where’s the great hall? Where’s the cool library? Where’s the collection of unusual things?

  46. 46.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    January 30, 2022 at 11:04 pm

    @Kay: Yes. So why are we acting this way? I mean, any arguments that this was not hella corrupt is in bad faith. He’s on tape, and he’s got to learn you can’t just use circumlocution to avoid prosecution. Any intelligent jury would know what they were hearing.

    Stop letting them think “well, we are deeply concerned, and someone who isn’t me should really do something Ask why they *aren’t*. Ask what conservative value supports this request? The request to find votes I mean.

    I mean, it proves Republicans never gave a damn about voter fraud, right? They just want to put a virtual wall around polling places, and like with all walls, they slow things down. Hey, remember “wall always works”? Was that deliberate, or should someone have told us about the President’s verbal skills deterioration? If it was deliberate, it makes sense – he’s so juvenile, he hasn’t learned to make plurals.

  47. 47.

    mrmoshpotato

    January 30, 2022 at 11:06 pm

    @Peale: Where are the nightly fireworks launched from?

  48. 48.

    LongHairedWeirdo

    January 30, 2022 at 11:07 pm

    And as we all know, Trump famously passed a test used to detect mental deterioration so severe, it’s obvious something is wrong. And he bragged, and bragged. And you know, I think, like Peter Griffin, he found that going potty ALL BY HIMSELF for the first time to be rewarding. I refuse to ask what the reward is. I have a tender stomach.

  49. 49.

    Leto

    January 30, 2022 at 11:16 pm

    @Suzanne: going to venture the human sacrifices he was performing for the team just weren’t working.

  50. 50.

    Kalakal

    January 30, 2022 at 11:17 pm

    @Peale: Yes that’s what gets me about this place. I love wandering around mad old houses but this dump is just banal. It doesn’t work on any level. And as you say it’s too small, if you’re to make a pseudo castle, even if you have no idea of proportion, detailing etc build the wretched thing on an impressive scale.

    This is how I’d do it

    https://images.app.goo.gl/1296vwXJvPZSkuMc9

  51. 51.

    Another Scott

    January 30, 2022 at 11:18 pm

    They’re asking $60M now. All publicity is good publicity, nicht wahr??

    Annual tax amount – $80,180

    A bargain!

    Virginia’s new governor had his 31.5 acre horse farm in Great Falls rezoned so that he would only pay $3600 a year in property tax on it.

    Mr. Mark needs to work on his MotU stylings…

    Grrr…,
    Scott.

  52. 52.

    RepubAnon

    January 30, 2022 at 11:30 pm

    @Starfish: grind them up and give them to the cat. When the cat sniffs and walks away, there’s always the compost bucket – or a hazmat disposal site.

  53. 53.

    Jay

    January 30, 2022 at 11:36 pm

    @Another Scott:

    here, you have to have actual agriculture sales, ( crops) or logging income, every year,  at set dollar levels per acre to qualify for the reduced FF1 tax rate.

  54. 54.

    Mai Naem mobile

    January 30, 2022 at 11:38 pm

    That is one ugly castle. And the guy gives off some pervy creep vibes.

  55. 55.

    Parfigliano

    January 30, 2022 at 11:38 pm

    @Ohio Mom: He looks like a young Bill Kristol

  56. 56.

    RaflW

    January 30, 2022 at 11:48 pm

    @LongHairedWeirdo: Republicans think non-whites voting is inherently fraudulent, so they ‘believe’ in preventing fraud.

    Theft, if it benefits the already rich, has always been ok with the GOP. Stealing an election fits right in.

  57. 57.

    RaflW

    January 30, 2022 at 11:53 pm

    @Peale: I was going to suggest Robolights in Palm Springs as a sort of extended eccentric home tour (you just tour the grounds of the artist compound, which was the family home/estate, but man was it strange-amazing).

    Alas it has been shut down the past couple years. It may relocate, but I think not having it in a residential neighborhood at what is obviously someone’s overgrown, bizarro house it would lose quite a bit.

  58. 58.

    columbusqueen

    January 30, 2022 at 11:54 pm

    @Parfigliano: More like Epstein’s younger brother.

  59. 59.

    prostratedragon

    January 31, 2022 at 12:02 am

    Just one glance at that photo and caption up top had me spontaneously shouting, “Help!!” If you see that guy coming, hasten the other way.

  60. 60.

    prostratedragon

    January 31, 2022 at 12:07 am

    How could you forget the sarcophagus?!

  61. 61.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 31, 2022 at 12:13 am

    @Kalakal: ​
      It really is indefensible.

  62. 62.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 31, 2022 at 12:23 am

    @Peale: It has a sarcophagus, doesn’t it?

  63. 63.

    Jay

    January 31, 2022 at 12:35 am

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    it’s not really a castle, thus is indefeasible,

    it’s a mix of Disney movies, acid and way too much money and ignorance,

    so, doubly indefensible,

    triple if you include eyesore,

  64. 64.

    NotMax

    January 31, 2022 at 12:37 am

    @Peale

    “It’s so pseudo-hip it’s got leisure suits of armor.”

  65. 65.

    Omnes Omnibus

    January 31, 2022 at 12:39 am

    @Jay: Hence my word choice.

  66. 66.

    divF

    January 31, 2022 at 12:46 am

    @Jay: When I was a child, my parents took me to the original version of these knockoffs, i.e. the Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria. Which is still a 19th-century fake built by a madman, but at least Ludwig II did it on a grand scale.

  67. 67.

    Roger Moore

    January 31, 2022 at 12:58 am

    @LongHairedWeirdo:

    I think the core starting point for this is one of elitism. Conservatives see the Supreme Court as an elite institution, so it must be the case that only a handful of people are qualified to serve on it.  If you don’t pick one of the people they prefer, it’s because you’re weakening the institution and bringing in second-rate people.

    Of course the reality is there are plenty of people more than qualified to serve on the Supreme Court.  The hard part of nominating someone isn’t finding the rare person who’s qualified; it’s sifting through the list of good candidates.  Narrowing the list of candidates by adding arbitrary demographic restrictions is a sensible way of keeping it small enough to manage.

  68. 68.

    sab

    January 31, 2022 at 2:59 am

    We have a couple of robber baron mansions in my town. Ridiculous concept, but the actual houses are quite nice. This thing is sort of a pimple in its neighborhood. Wow. What can you use for moat alligators that far north? Beavers? River otters?

  69. 69.

    Cermet

    January 31, 2022 at 5:31 am

    Tacky, yes, ridiculous, well yes. Any worse then the gated communities that have Mc Mansions? Absolutely not. In some ways better – at least this person isn’t hiding his “I’ve got money and am rather crazy”. Also, paying service to the original robber barons is kinda funny and at least the resale value is in the toilet so this is a huge money loser unlike the vast Mansions you find in California or the insane penthouse’s of the ubber wealthy in NY; those will return huge sums well over the original cost.

  70. 70.

    Ken

    January 31, 2022 at 5:48 am

    @satby: I think the planned “modeling agency” was supposed to be a brothel.

    Please, brothels are for peasants. Someone like this is thinking droit du seigneur.

  71. 71.

    Ken

    January 31, 2022 at 5:51 am

    @prostratedragon: Maybe the owner was trying to steer the conversation away from the sarcophagus, because it hides the secret door to the bondage playroom bat cave wine cellar.

  72. 72.

    Rachel Bakes

    January 31, 2022 at 6:02 am

    This made the rounds in my family a couple weeks ago. In the current context I want the signal to shrink so it doesn’t come to TFGs attention. It’s tacky and ridiculous for him. We don’t want him in CT!

  73. 73.

    raven

    January 31, 2022 at 6:49 am

    This place is known as the “Snake House” 

    Many local craftspeople (including the guys who did our renovation) worked on it for a couple of years. The builder is a buddy of mine and he let my wife, her pop and myself tour it before it was completed. He and and a Japanese and Norwegian carpenter went to Vancouver, picked the logs, dry built it there and then shipped the logs to Georgia.  This picture gives you an idea of the scale of the “snake sculpture” in the driveway.

  74. 74.

    raven

    January 31, 2022 at 6:51 am

    This is the snake bannister on the circular stairway that was made from a tree.

  75. 75.

    James E Powell

    January 31, 2022 at 7:51 am

    @raven:

    I would have nightmares

  76. 76.

    drunkenhausfrau

    January 31, 2022 at 9:48 am

    His ex wife’s name is Mary Galt.  Really?  This whole thing seems like an elaborate prank.

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