Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Stay strong, because they are weak.

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Trump’s cabinet: like a magic 8 ball that only gives wrong answers.

So very ready.

Disappointing to see gov. newsom with his finger to the wind.

The rest of the comments were smacking Boebert like she was a piñata.

No one could have predicted…

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Weird. Rome has an American Pope and America has a Russian President.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

Decision time: keep arguing about the last election, or try to win the next one?

Dear legacy media: you are not here to influence outcomes and policies you find desirable.

Innocent people do not delay justice.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

You are here: Home / Balloon Juice / Saturday Night Open Thread: Mocking TFG Is Practically A Civic Duty

Saturday Night Open Thread: Mocking TFG Is Practically A Civic Duty

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With friends like these…

When it comes to their vehicles of metaphor, the MAGAts love a bandwagon almost as much as they love a tank. They want to believe that TFG is a manly man’s man, one not afraid to grab p*ssy an opportunity whenever it appears. If he looks like a dumb fat old luzer whose only gifts were being born to a rich racist and having a bigly foreign sponsor… they’ll start looking around for a newer, fresher, more consistently Reicht-wing godling to support.

(And Murphy the Trickster God knows, there is never a shortage of such.)

Also, TFG hates being mocked. He is never so mockable as when he’s tantruming about ‘his enemies’ attacking him. With any luck, all these tantrums are doing terrible things to his blood pressure…




Reader Interactions

88Comments

  1. 1.

    Captain C

    I’m sure Ben Shapiro is aware that he’s giving a great argument for not ever allowing TFG anywhere near any levers of power again.

    I would say something about TFG’s shareholders too, but I think his Org is private for precisely that reason (none to bother him).

  4. 4.

    different-church-lady

    In a warped and limited way he’s a great judge of character: he know exactly who he can manipulate, and he has them do the dirty work.

  6. 6.

    Alison Rose

    And I just got a NYT email with the subject line that TFG “is eyeing an early entry in the 2024 race” – subhead saying he has “accelerated his campaign planning, hoping an early presidential bid for 2024 would blunt damaging revelations from the Jan. 6 investigation.”

    Sure, bro. You go ahead and put the toothpaste back in the tube. Have fun.

  7. 7.

    Jerzy Russian

    My aides never bring in someone to play show tunes when I get upset. I think I need new aides.

  11. 11.

    different-church-lady

    So for four years Andrew Lloyd Webber was the only thing between us and nuclear Armageddon? That’s truly terrifying…

  12. 12.

    Cacti

    I’m confused.  How could Trump be too fat to lunge at the steering wheel?

    His surgeon general declared that Donald was the fittest man who ever lived.

  13. 13.

    O. Felix Culpa

    @Cacti:

    Nothing is impossible in TrumpWorld:

    Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

  17. 17.

    The Thin Black Duke

    @rikyrah: No lie told. Proud Boys terrorize drag queens reading stories to children in libraries while truckloads of cops in body armor harass BLM protesters. No wonder white supremacists work so hard to preserve white supremacy. It’s Animal House with swatiskas and AR-15s.

  19. 19.

    Suzanne

    “Girth” is one of those words that is just inexplicably, irrationally disgusting.

    “Moist” is the worst, but “girth” is also pretty fucken gross.

  21. 21.

    raven

    @Suzanne: Not when you are trying to figure out how much the tuna you caught weighs

     

    Fish are sometimes damaged when weighed. Using the appropriate formula for your species below, you can quickly calculate the “approximate” weight of your fish by using a ruler. You may also wish to download our trophy converter[PDF] in which we’ve done the math for you.

    Please note when using the formulas:

    • length and girth are measured in inches,
    • girth is the distance around the body of the fish at its largest point, and
    • all answers are in pounds

    To measure your fish:

     

    A = length and B = girth

  22. 22.

    zhena gogolia

    @raven: I just pictured TFG with a fishhook in his mouth. Or hanging on a dock next to a proud angler.

  29. 29.

    David ☘The Establishment☘ Koch

     In Floyd County, Ky yesterday a guy shot and killed three police officers and police dog. He was about to be served domestic abuse papers by the Floyd County Sheriff’s deputies who were serving a protective order.

    Police arrived and the guy opened fire.

    The cop-dog killer was taken alive. He is…… (checks notes)…. white.

  32. 32.

    HumboldtBlue

    @raven: ​
    I went troll line fishing in an WW2 era LCI off Johnston Island with a bunch of Hawaiians and came back with two yellow fin tuna. I never knew fresh tuna, straight from the water, grilled lightly and sauced with whatever Carlos the Coast Guardsman from Puerto Rico sauced up is absolutely delicious.​

    @zhena gogolia: ​

    Nope.

  33. 33.

    David ☘The Establishment☘ Koch

    When WaPo wrote about Watergate they needed TWO independent sources involved in the subject matter for corroboration before going to press, and at times, they required additional confirmation by an authority no less than the acting Director of the FBI.
    Now, the the junk media prints a single unverified source, who’s not even involved, but who is merely “close”​​

  35. 35.

    raven

    @HumboldtBlue: Oh yea, I like to roll it in crushed sesame seeds, sear it in a hot pan and plunge it into ice water to arrest the cooking. Then thin slice it. . .heaven. “Ahi means fire. This comes from the pre-plantation days of Hawaii. Back then, when a yellow fins was on the line, this powerful, fast swimming fish caused the coconut rope to create traction on the side of the canoe, making the line look like it was on fire

     

    That trip must have been awesome. An LCI is flat-bottomed, no? How’d you hold up? We were on a 32 ft Bertram about 40 miles off Maui. Six fisherpersons and 4 threw up for 12 hours!! I got sick but kept fishing, hence the 130lb yellowfin with lots of girth!!

  36. 36.

    Grumpy Old Railroader

    @Suzanne:

    “Girth” is one of those words that is just inexplicably, irrationally disgusting.

    “Moist” is the worst, but “girth” is also pretty fucken gross.

    Those are fairly benign. For truly gross, one must refer to categories that include, as example, “Smegma.”

  37. 37.

    Bill Arnold

    @different-church-lady:

    So for four years Andrew Lloyd Webber was the only thing between us and nuclear Armageddon?

    One uses the available tools. That wasn’t the only tool. But he was pretty unstable; Remember his obsession with about hurricanes? Recently chronicled here;
    Trump Kept Asking if China Was Shooting Us With a ‘Hurricane Gun’ – The then-leader of the free world also inquired whether the U.S. could bomb China in retaliation for the alleged hurricane attack (ASAWIN SUEBSAENG & ADAM RAWNSLEY, MaY 10, 2022)

  39. 39.

    HumboldtBlue

    @raven: ​

    “Ahi means fire. This comes from the pre-plantation days of Hawaii. Back then, when a yellow fins was on the line, this powerful, fast swimming fish caused the coconut rope to create traction on the side of the canoe, making the line look like it was on fire.

    That’s why we read this fucking blog.

    I had actually already lost two hooked fish to barracuda, those fuckers were all over the place, but we ended up with three tuna and three mahi-mahi.

    I was also taught to snorkel and spearfish. I’ll never forget the time the wind and current changed. We were searching for rock lobster and all of a sudden I couldn’t move a foot forward in the water, the current was so strong. It was the most exhausting swim back to the boat I had ever experienced, and it was also a sobering experience.

    I didn’t get sick, but we were drinking beer and at one point I really started to feel the swell. I was advised to go to the front of the boat and ride it out, and while I was uncomfortable for a few minutes, the nausea passed, and I was good to go. We were headed back at that point anyway.

    That is the extent of my fish tales. There ain’t no more.

  41. 41.

    Suzanne

    @James E Powell: From the link i posted:

    Moist just refers to anything that’s slightly wet. Over time, it’s taken on some sexual overtones, but that has nothing to do with why this word makes America so uncomfortable. It’s just a terrible, shit word. No one has any problems with “damp” or “wet” or even “moisture.” But moist, on its own, is a nightmare. I’ve now typed it five times for this article and I still cringe. It never get easier.

     
    So “moisten” is prolly fine. But “moist” is a linguistic STI. It makes me feel diseased just saying it.

  47. 47.

    Mnemosyne

    Just got back from seeing the indie film Mr. Malcolm’s List. If you want some fluffy historical escapism with a terrific cast that understands how to be both funny and poignant, then definitely go see it.

  49. 49.

    Ihop

    @rikyrah: or 5 foot ten oopma loompas in lifts and girdles and an almost impossible issue with their wedding tackle.

    For fuck sake.

  50. 50.

    HumboldtBlue

    @raven: ​
    Not at the time, I was a firefighter working on Johnston Island. The JACADS (Johnston Atoll Chemical Ammunition Destruction run by Raytheon) facility was located there. We had a small department with two new Oshkosh crash trucks and two old engines. For two-and-a-half years, it was heaven.
    I had previously been stationed at Hickam, where, I was the second of my family to serve in that base’s fire department in the AF. My older brother had been there four years before me, and one of his old captains brought me out to Johnston once I was done with the AF.​ 

    Previous to the AF, I was Penn. ANG, 11B. Joined up first year of college.

  52. 52.

    Deputinize Eurasia from the Kuriles to St Petersburg

    You know what’s sad? I’m right-this-moment rewatching Joh Carpenter’s “Vampires” for the first time in like 15 years, and find the storyline great and James Woods’ portrayal of the main character compelling….

  56. 56.

    Redshift

    @Alison Rose :

    Sure, bro. You go ahead and put the toothpaste back in the tube. Have fun.

    I’m sure he has “advisors” telling him the feds wouldn’t indict a presidential candidate because of the “optics,” so this is a genius move.

  57. 57.

    robmassing

    Is Jonathan Turley the dumbest law-talking-guy on the internets, or is Jonathan Turley the dumbest guy on the Internets?

  59. 59.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Alison Rose : The sad thing is, I think he’s still the favorite to be elected President in 2024.

    I won’t say it’s inevitable. But it seems to me that nobody else, not even DeSantis, has the national pull Trump does to get the Republican nomination, and frankly this stuff might even make it more likely because of the persecution narrative. He doesn’t have the loser stink because a majority of Republicans have convinced themselves that he really won and the election was stolen.

    And while things could change, right now any Republican nominee would be favored over Biden, if he runs again, which he probably will (since any other Democratic nominee would probably do worse). Put those two things together and you get Trump becoming President again, even though a majority of Americans think he should be charged with crimes. All this gives Biden some ammunition, but it’s still an uphill battle.

  60. 60.

    James E Powell

    @Suzanne:

    Sex & Disease? My first and probably most frequent association of the world moist is with Duncan Hines cake mix.

  61. 61.

    Pennsylvanian

    @James E Powell: Oh my. I was just debating whether I should mention that. “Moist” is simply as unpleasant to hear as it is to experience – that uncomfortable state between dry and wet that you hadn’t expected or planned for and brings no lyric joy. Yes, people do really hate the word moist!

  62. 62.

    VOR

    @Misterpuff: The people who claimed President Obama was born in Kenya were called “Birthers”. The people who didn’t believe TFG’s physical putting him at 6’3″ and 239 lbs. called themselves “Girthers”.

  64. 64.

    Mnemosyne

    @Matt McIrvin:

    The sad thing is, I think he’s still the favorite to be elected President in 2024.

    IMO, it’s less that he’s wildly popular and more that all of the other Republicans are both boring AND stupid. Conservatives enjoy the trainwreck of getting back at the libs more than they’re willing to admit.

  65. 65.

    Origuy

    Almost completely packed for my trip to Italy. Flight leaves at 6:10 in the morning. I’ll get to Rome the morning of July 4, then Vieste on Friday.

  70. 70.

    prostratedragon

    “Sir, that’s the way I got into all this, thinking you were a card.”
    —The Strange One

  71. 71.

    SFAW

    @Alison Rose :

    What I’m hoping is that TFG’s people start doing some serious oppo and/or ratfucking vis-a-vis DeathSantis. I’m actually starting to think TFG’s half-life/shelf-life is decreasing significantly, which likely means the Florida Fascist will get the 2024 nom. And I think he would be somewhat tougher to beat than TFG.

  73. 73.

    Jackie

    @SFAW: I agree. Trump starts attacking DeSantis and ruins his re-election for governor. Trump’s actions turn off all but his Deplorables – leaving him with the Has Been title. They both go down the drain anchored to each other. The end.

  75. 75.

    Geoduck

    @Tom Levenson:  MvL probably wouldn’t like a word, he mentally notes in Going Postal how awful a name it is. Probably contributed to his becoming a con man and using all those aliases.

  78. 78.

    ian

    @Jackie:

    Trump’s actions turn off all but his Deplorables

    If this was going to happen, it would have happened years ago.

    They are all deplorable.

  79. 79.

    KithKanan

    @Suzanne: No one has any problems with “damp” or “wet” or even “moisture.” But moist, on its own, is a nightmare.

    This has always seemed strange to me since I associate “moist” with things I want to be that way – towelettes, cakes, non-overcooked poultry, and… well… other things – while I associate “damp” with things that I wish were dry like basements, used towels, carpet I’ve spilled water on, etc. Moist has never bothered me, damp has.

  81. 81.

    Tony Jay

    @KithKanan: 

    This is the exact comment I was about to make. Nothing wrong with moist. It’s certainly no gelatinous.

    Also, too, that General Clusterfuck pic is chef’s kiss perfect. Another self-promoting egotist who got a lot of people killed and ended up with no hair.

  83. 83.

    SW

    On Twitter I was responding to someone who asked “What is going to stop Trump from running again?”  I replied, “A stroke?”  For that I was suspended from Twitter which made my decision to stop looking at Twitter a no-brainer.  I am still rooting for natural causes though.

  84. 84.

    Ixnay

    Memories? I wouldn’t inflict memories on My worst enemies. Well, Trump, but doesn’t

    understand what a shitty tune it is. I suspect the rest of the music therapy list includes Piano Man and anything by Marvin Hamlish

  86. 86.

    The Lodger

    @Grumpy Old Railroader: Yup. The toaster in our company ‘s break room is SMEG brand and I always wonder what the hell they were thinking. (At least no one has used it for Frosted Pop-Tarts yet.)

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