So the defense of Trump is two-pronged: he’s fat and he’s dumb. Remarkable. pic.twitter.com/kWbUtD0Ojl
— Jort-Michel Connard ?? (@torriangray) June 30, 2022
With friends like these…
When it comes to their vehicles of metaphor, the MAGAts love a bandwagon almost as much as they love a tank. They want to believe that TFG is a manly man’s man, one not afraid to grab p*ssy an opportunity whenever it appears. If he looks like a dumb fat old luzer whose only gifts were being born to a rich racist and having a bigly foreign sponsor… they’ll start looking around for a newer, fresher, more consistently Reicht-wing godling to support.
(And Murphy the Trickster God knows, there is never a shortage of such.)
Also, TFG hates being mocked. He is never so mockable as when he’s tantruming about ‘his enemies’ attacking him. With any luck, all these tantrums are doing terrible things to his blood pressure…
Imagine fucking sacrificing things for this man. Looking at this fat spray tanned, thin skinned catty old gossip with the mannerisms of a fucking toddler, and tearing up about what you are doing for this nation, sir.
— William B. Fuckley (@opinonhaver) June 29, 2022
@Popehat, did the secret service kidnap the President Trump? pic.twitter.com/GXi5le51Rj
— Women Oil Spill Lawyers For Popehat (@Women4Popehat) June 28, 2022
Captain C
I’m sure Ben Shapiro is aware that he’s giving a great argument for not ever allowing TFG anywhere near any levers of power again.
I would say something about TFG’s shareholders too, but I think his Org is private for precisely that reason (none to bother him).
rikyrah
The leeway given to White people
zhena gogolia
@rikyrah: it’s so depressing. This makes Watergate look like a Sunday school picnic.
different-church-lady
In a warped and limited way he’s a great judge of character: he know exactly who he can manipulate, and he has them do the dirty work.
different-church-lady
@zhena gogolia: Yeah, it’s amazing how tame Watergate looks compared to this.
Alison Rose
And I just got a NYT email with the subject line that TFG “is eyeing an early entry in the 2024 race” – subhead saying he has “accelerated his campaign planning, hoping an early presidential bid for 2024 would blunt damaging revelations from the Jan. 6 investigation.”
Sure, bro. You go ahead and put the toothpaste back in the tube. Have fun.
Jerzy Russian
My aides never bring in someone to play show tunes when I get upset. I think I need new aides.
Ken
@Jerzy Russian: Either that, or you need to get control of some nuclear warheads.
different-church-lady
@Jerzy Russian: Naw, just throw bigger tantrums.
zhena gogolia
@Jerzy Russian: You really want “Memory”? I’m an ALW fan, and even I hate that song.
different-church-lady
So for four years Andrew Lloyd Webber was the only thing between us and nuclear Armageddon? That’s truly terrifying…
Cacti
I’m confused. How could Trump be too fat to lunge at the steering wheel?
His surgeon general declared that Donald was the fittest man who ever lived.
O. Felix Culpa
@Cacti:
Nothing is impossible in TrumpWorld:
Jerzy Russian
@zhena gogolia: Actual real live cats would be acceptable if a Music Man is not available.
Dorothy A. Winsor
Someone on here said she once punished her kid by making him listen to “Memories” nonstop in the car
zhena gogolia
@Cacti: I was gonna say, I thought he was 6’6″ 238 pounds.
The Thin Black Duke
@rikyrah: No lie told. Proud Boys terrorize drag queens reading stories to children in libraries while truckloads of cops in body armor harass BLM protesters. No wonder white supremacists work so hard to preserve white supremacy. It’s Animal House with swatiskas and AR-15s.
TheTruffle
Say, has Betty Cracker read this article? Thoughts?
https://www.politico.com/news/2022/07/01/white-house-focuses-on-desantis-but-struggles-with-florida-00043546
Suzanne
“Girth” is one of those words that is just inexplicably, irrationally disgusting.
“Moist” is the worst, but “girth” is also pretty fucken gross.
zhena gogolia
@Suzanne: Especially TFG’s girth.
raven
@Suzanne: Not when you are trying to figure out how much the tuna you caught weighs
Fish are sometimes damaged when weighed. Using the appropriate formula for your species below, you can quickly calculate the “approximate” weight of your fish by using a ruler. You may also wish to download our trophy converter[PDF] in which we’ve done the math for you.
Please note when using the formulas:
To measure your fish:
A = length and B = girth
zhena gogolia
@raven: I just pictured TFG with a fishhook in his mouth. Or hanging on a dock next to a proud angler.
Suzanne
@raven: Having never caught a tuna, I can stand by my assertion that “girth” is nasty.
“Word aversion” is apparently real!
different-church-lady
@raven: In the case of Trump: what is the largest point on a sphere?
raven
bye
raven
@different-church-lady: Under his hat.
HumboldtBlue
I like it when homophobes get mocked.
Wow, Firefox language tool/spell check add-on doesn’t recognize the word homophobe
zhena gogolia
@HumboldtBlue: Not a Monty Python sketch?
David ☘The Establishment☘ Koch
The cop-dog killer was taken alive. He is…… (checks notes)…. white.
James E Powell
@Suzanne:
Why do people hate the word moist? Do they also hate moisten?
raven
@David ☘The Establishment☘ Koch: So is everybody else in Floyd County, Ky.
HumboldtBlue
@raven:
I went troll line fishing in an WW2 era LCI off Johnston Island with a bunch of Hawaiians and came back with two yellow fin tuna. I never knew fresh tuna, straight from the water, grilled lightly and sauced with whatever Carlos the Coast Guardsman from Puerto Rico sauced up is absolutely delicious.
@zhena gogolia:
Nope.
David ☘The Establishment☘ Koch
When WaPo wrote about Watergate they needed TWO independent sources involved in the subject matter for corroboration before going to press, and at times, they required additional confirmation by an authority no less than the acting Director of the FBI.
Now, the the junk media prints a single unverified source, who’s not even involved, but who is merely “close”
BellyCat
@David ☘The Establishment☘ Koch: Journalism standards. How duz they work?
raven
@HumboldtBlue: Oh yea, I like to roll it in crushed sesame seeds, sear it in a hot pan and plunge it into ice water to arrest the cooking. Then thin slice it. . .heaven. “Ahi means fire. This comes from the pre-plantation days of Hawaii. Back then, when a yellow fins was on the line, this powerful, fast swimming fish caused the coconut rope to create traction on the side of the canoe, making the line look like it was on fire
That trip must have been awesome. An LCI is flat-bottomed, no? How’d you hold up? We were on a 32 ft Bertram about 40 miles off Maui. Six fisherpersons and 4 threw up for 12 hours!! I got sick but kept fishing, hence the 130lb yellowfin with lots of girth!!
Grumpy Old Railroader
@Suzanne:
Those are fairly benign. For truly gross, one must refer to categories that include, as example, “Smegma.”
Bill Arnold
@different-church-lady:
One uses the available tools. That wasn’t the only tool. But he was pretty unstable; Remember his obsession with about hurricanes? Recently chronicled here;
Trump Kept Asking if China Was Shooting Us With a ‘Hurricane Gun’ – The then-leader of the free world also inquired whether the U.S. could bomb China in retaliation for the alleged hurricane attack (ASAWIN SUEBSAENG & ADAM RAWNSLEY, MaY 10, 2022)
different-church-lady
@Suzanne: “Girth. Awful tinny word. Tinny. Tinny!” [5:57]
HumboldtBlue
@raven:
That’s why we read this fucking blog.
I had actually already lost two hooked fish to barracuda, those fuckers were all over the place, but we ended up with three tuna and three mahi-mahi.
I was also taught to snorkel and spearfish. I’ll never forget the time the wind and current changed. We were searching for rock lobster and all of a sudden I couldn’t move a foot forward in the water, the current was so strong. It was the most exhausting swim back to the boat I had ever experienced, and it was also a sobering experience.
I didn’t get sick, but we were drinking beer and at one point I really started to feel the swell. I was advised to go to the front of the boat and ride it out, and while I was uncomfortable for a few minutes, the nausea passed, and I was good to go. We were headed back at that point anyway.
That is the extent of my fish tales. There ain’t no more.
different-church-lady
@James E Powell: Now there’s a good woody word! Moist. Moooooooooooist…
Suzanne
@James E Powell: From the link i posted:
So “moisten” is prolly fine. But “moist” is a linguistic STI. It makes me feel diseased just saying it.
different-church-lady
@Grumpy Old Railroader: “…Spasmodic… Frog… and the far flung Isles of Langerhans.”
raven
@HumboldtBlue: Were you in the military?
different-church-lady
@Suzanne: “Clammy! Awful tinny word!”
Tom Levenson
@Suzanne: Moist von Lipwig would like a word.
Spanky
@different-church-lady: I have been through the Isles of Langerhans. They were moist.
Mnemosyne
Just got back from seeing the indie film Mr. Malcolm’s List. If you want some fluffy historical escapism with a terrific cast that understands how to be both funny and poignant, then definitely go see it.
Layer8Problem
@Spanky: Inside, our whole bodies are moist. Think about it . . .
Ihop
@rikyrah: or 5 foot ten oopma loompas in lifts and girdles and an almost impossible issue with their wedding tackle.
For fuck sake.
HumboldtBlue
@raven:
Not at the time, I was a firefighter working on Johnston Island. The JACADS (Johnston Atoll Chemical Ammunition Destruction run by Raytheon) facility was located there. We had a small department with two new Oshkosh crash trucks and two old engines. For two-and-a-half years, it was heaven.
I had previously been stationed at Hickam, where, I was the second of my family to serve in that base’s fire department in the AF. My older brother had been there four years before me, and one of his old captains brought me out to Johnston once I was done with the AF.
Previous to the AF, I was Penn. ANG, 11B. Joined up first year of college.
Deputinize Eurasia from the Kuriles to St Petersburg
@Suzanne:
“Moist, wet girth….”
LOL
Deputinize Eurasia from the Kuriles to St Petersburg
You know what’s sad? I’m right-this-moment rewatching Joh Carpenter’s “Vampires” for the first time in like 15 years, and find the storyline great and James Woods’ portrayal of the main character compelling….
Tony G
@Dorothy A. Winsor: “Comforted by third-rate show tunes when he’s upset.” Is there ANYTHING about Trump that isn’t creepy and childish? (Rhetorical question.)
Jay
@Grumpy Old Railroader:
“Santorium”,…….
Misterpuff
@Suzanne: But Duncan Hines is moist.
Redshift
@Alison Rose :
I’m sure he has “advisors” telling him the feds wouldn’t indict a presidential candidate because of the “optics,” so this is a genius move.
robmassing
Is Jonathan Turley the dumbest law-talking-guy on the internets, or is Jonathan Turley the dumbest guy on the Internets?
HumboldtBlue
@robmassing:
¿Por qué no los dos?
Matt McIrvin
@Alison Rose : The sad thing is, I think he’s still the favorite to be elected President in 2024.
I won’t say it’s inevitable. But it seems to me that nobody else, not even DeSantis, has the national pull Trump does to get the Republican nomination, and frankly this stuff might even make it more likely because of the persecution narrative. He doesn’t have the loser stink because a majority of Republicans have convinced themselves that he really won and the election was stolen.
And while things could change, right now any Republican nominee would be favored over Biden, if he runs again, which he probably will (since any other Democratic nominee would probably do worse). Put those two things together and you get Trump becoming President again, even though a majority of Americans think he should be charged with crimes. All this gives Biden some ammunition, but it’s still an uphill battle.
James E Powell
@Suzanne:
Sex & Disease? My first and probably most frequent association of the world moist is with Duncan Hines cake mix.
Pennsylvanian
@James E Powell: Oh my. I was just debating whether I should mention that. “Moist” is simply as unpleasant to hear as it is to experience – that uncomfortable state between dry and wet that you hadn’t expected or planned for and brings no lyric joy. Yes, people do really hate the word moist!
VOR
@Misterpuff: The people who claimed President Obama was born in Kenya were called “Birthers”. The people who didn’t believe TFG’s physical putting him at 6’3″ and 239 lbs. called themselves “Girthers”.
Jager
@Suzanne:
Girth Brooks, the biggest dick in Nashville.
Mnemosyne
@Matt McIrvin:
IMO, it’s less that he’s wildly popular and more that all of the other Republicans are both boring AND stupid. Conservatives enjoy the trainwreck of getting back at the libs more than they’re willing to admit.
Origuy
Almost completely packed for my trip to Italy. Flight leaves at 6:10 in the morning. I’ll get to Rome the morning of July 4, then Vieste on Friday.
debbie
Pity that attempt to repeat TikTok’s fake rally didn’t work in Alaska.
Jackie
@debbie: How so? The rally isn’t until next Sat.
debbie
@Jackie:
Thought it was sooner. Keep hope alive.
SFAW
@HumboldtBlue:
Porque el pendejo Jim Hoft es el hombre mas estupido en los Intertubez?
prostratedragon
“Sir, that’s the way I got into all this, thinking you were a card.”
—The Strange One
SFAW
@Alison Rose :
What I’m hoping is that TFG’s people start doing some serious oppo and/or ratfucking vis-a-vis DeathSantis. I’m actually starting to think TFG’s half-life/shelf-life is decreasing significantly, which likely means the Florida Fascist will get the 2024 nom. And I think he would be somewhat tougher to beat than TFG.
HumboldtBlue
@SFAW:
No tengo explicación.
Jackie
@SFAW: I agree. Trump starts attacking DeSantis and ruins his re-election for governor. Trump’s actions turn off all but his Deplorables – leaving him with the Has Been title. They both go down the drain anchored to each other. The end.
SFAW
@Jackie:
From your keyboard [sic] to FSM’s ear-like appendages.
Geoduck
@Tom Levenson: MvL probably wouldn’t like a word, he mentally notes in Going Postal how awful a name it is. Probably contributed to his becoming a con man and using all those aliases.
Anne Laurie
@Grumpy Old Railroader: At least the word ‘smegma’ is suffiently unattractive that no misguided Midwesterner is gonna pick it for a baby name…
smike
@Suzanne:
Just think about “Rudy’s moist, limp handshake” and you’re all set for tonight’s dreams.
ian
@Jackie:
If this was going to happen, it would have happened years ago.
They are all deplorable.
KithKanan
This has always seemed strange to me since I associate “moist” with things I want to be that way – towelettes, cakes, non-overcooked poultry, and… well… other things – while I associate “damp” with things that I wish were dry like basements, used towels, carpet I’ve spilled water on, etc. Moist has never bothered me, damp has.
Tehanu
@Suzanne:
Tell it to Moist Von Lipwig. Oops, I see Tom Levenson beat me to it.
Tony Jay
@KithKanan:
This is the exact comment I was about to make. Nothing wrong with moist. It’s certainly no gelatinous.
Also, too, that General Clusterfuck pic is chef’s kiss perfect. Another self-promoting egotist who got a lot of people killed and ended up with no hair.
raven
@HumboldtBlue: Wow, what duty!
SW
On Twitter I was responding to someone who asked “What is going to stop Trump from running again?” I replied, “A stroke?” For that I was suspended from Twitter which made my decision to stop looking at Twitter a no-brainer. I am still rooting for natural causes though.
Ixnay
Memories? I wouldn’t inflict memories on My worst enemies. Well, Trump, but doesn’t
understand what a shitty tune it is. I suspect the rest of the music therapy list includes Piano Man and anything by Marvin Hamlish
SteveinPHX
@Tony Jay:
Well, there’s oleaginous.
The Lodger
@Grumpy Old Railroader: Yup. The toaster in our company ‘s break room is SMEG brand and I always wonder what the hell they were thinking. (At least no one has used it for Frosted Pop-Tarts yet.)
Paul in KY
@David ☘The Establishment☘ Koch: That surprises the hell out of me…
Paul in KY
@James E Powell: Some people don’t like the facial expression they have to make to pronounce it.