Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Happy indictment week to all who celebrate!

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Battle won, war still ongoing.

The willow is too close to the house.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

I really should read my own blog.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

Thanks for reminding me that Van Jones needs to be slapped.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Maybe I Have Too Much Fiber in My Diet

Maybe I Have Too Much Fiber in My Diet

by | 102 Comments

This post is in: 

I dunno what is going on here, but I am four hours in on my colonoscopy prep, have had all but the last two 8 oz glasses of Muralax, all the Dulcolax, and I had two minor bowel movements, and I feel a little pressure, but I am not having any of the explosive shits or any of the stuff people normally talk about.

To be honest, I keep waiting for something to happen and it’s just not.

This really is a full service blog.

*** Update ***

9:12 pm- Nevermind.

Reader Interactions

102Comments

  4. 4.

    frosty

    Here I sit, broken-hearted …

    … I can’t remember the last time I saw a pay toilet.

  5. 5.

    CaseyL

    Yeah, it starts off slow and low key.

    Then, just as you start thinking, “hey, this isn’t so bad!” your intestines announce that the preliminaries are over and the main event is about to start.

  10. 10.

    terry chay

    I think you posted too soon.

    Same thing happened to me earlier this year. But then the dam broke and I was pooping water for the next 8 hours before I was able to fall asleep and then poop more in the morning.

    The stuff works pretty effectively nowadays. The hard part is drinking all that water butI heard it is much less than in the past.

  14. 14.

    The Moar You Know

    SuPrep is better.  But slam some more water, Cole.  It will happen.

    I had four surgeries on my intestines in 2021, so I have some experience in this.  Diverticulitis gone bad if anyone is curious.  I don’t suggest having surgery on your intestines unless you really have no choice.  It is life-altering.

  15. 15.

    Baud

    I think you’re out of the woods.  You should go out on the town and have some fun.

  20. 20.

    Cameron

    I’m sorry, but if the blogfather doesn’t give a shit, why does he think anybody else will?

  22. 22.

    Steeplejack

    This thread and the earlier one have flushed any slight embarrassment I might hypothetically have felt about blogging my nutsack operation last December.

  25. 25.

    Suzanne

    After the procedure is over and you are super-empty, do you have that amazing feeling of being super-light and glowy? I love that feeling.

  27. 27.

    Josie

    @satby: The Cologuard was easy. The hardest part was handing the package to the UPS person, knowing full well that they knew what was in there.

  31. 31.

    Turgidson

    This is the top notch content you can’t find elsewhere on the series of tubes.

  37. 37.

    prostratedragon

    @terry chay: ​ Before I was even through the first of two liters I had to drink recently, I had found a new standard for hatred. At least my gastroenterologist complimented me on how far up the tube he was able to see.

  38. 38.

    Grumpy Old Railroader

    I find myself wondering why me, of self recognized superior intellect, found it necessary to click on this particular post and then read every comment. I should know better LOL

  44. 44.

    different-church-lady

    Colonoscopy prep happens like the collapse of civilizations: slowly, then all at once.

  45. 45.

    bcw

    @44. ..like the collapse of civilizations, including the being overrun part.

     

    The thing I forgot after my last colonoscopy was that the laxatives are still there after you get done and are allowed to eat. That food is on a zero retained-calorie basis….

  46. 46.

    Mike in NC

    Had a colonoscopy this year and they found one small polyp. Doctor told me to come back in five years. Yay!

  47. 47.

    Chetan Murthy

    So, uh, my doc told me to take the “fecal occult blood sample” test.  Which consists in smearing a bit of your pooo on a card and submitting that card to the testing lab.  They analyze it, etc, etc.  Came back all-good-to-go.  I blame my high consumption of beans and carrots.

    [time to make a salad ….]

  49. 49.

    Lyrebird

    @Suzanne: ​

    Only glow I felt was a suspicion I was glowing in the dark after chugging so much Gatorade. And relief that I don’t have to do it again for several years.
    It’s worth it, but no part of it was enjoyable.
    @The Moar You Know: ​
     

    I don’t suggest having surgery on your intestines unless you really have no choice. It is life-altering.

    I hope you gained much relief from the procedures you had to have!

  50. 50.

    Spanky

    @Suzanne:

    I keep hitting refresh. Need moar updates.

    Ummm, no. No you won’t get anything but much, much moar of the same.

  52. 52.

    CaseyL

    @Ken: You know you’ve reached A Certain Age when colonoscopies are considered acceptable subjects for conversation.

    It’s Community Bonding.

  53. 53.

    Suzanne

    @Lyrebird: I always feel like my face looks really clear and bright, like a Neutrogena ad, after a good poo. Probably psychosomatic, but I enjoy it.

  55. 55.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    Long, long time ago I was a coxswain for the crew team. But I wasn’t done growing as I went to college young, and it became increasingly harder to make weight (my target was 120 lb). So in desperation one day before a big race I did something I’d heard people talk about, take laxatives.

    Night fell. No effect.

    Morning came. Nothing.

    We had the race. Nothing.

    And then we had the drive home.

  57. 57.

    Carlo Graziani

    It was the last couple of glasses of that dreadful stuff that I had to choke down that were the worst part of the experience for me. The explosive sluice-gate opening wasn’t so bad, because I expected it, and I accordingly hadn’t been hanging out in rib and fried chicken joints for a few days prior anyway.

    The nurse who checked me in asked whether I knew what procedure I was there for, and was momentarily nonplussed when I said sure, they were going to shove a TV camera up my ass, but took it in stride — he merely noted that most people don’t put it quite that way (my wife just shook her head…) In retrospect I see now that I missed an opportunity to smile brightly and say “I’m here for my liposuction — got to get in shape for the beach!”

    Anyway, the colonoscopy exam report complimented me on my colon prep, which, er, thanks?

  62. 62.

    Crusty Dem

    @Carlo Graziani: 

    And a good time was had by all. I had more problems with not eating for nearly 48 hrs. Made the mistake of running 5 miles 24 hrs into fast and hit the energy wall. Didn’t mind the prep but you are spot on about the last few glasses, they took some effort.

    On the plus side, that Propofol nap was delightful. Best sleep Ever.

  64. 64.

    John Revolta

    @Mike in NC: Does anybody ever have one and they DON’T find “one small polyp”? What I mean is, I found out last time that if they find “one small polyp” and cut it out, suddenly that’s now a surgical procedure rather than a diagnostic procedure and they get to charge you, or hopefully your insurance, twice as much.

  70. 70.

    CaseyL

    @John Revolta: My first, they didn’t find anything.

    I had the same shock as you after the second, when – as you said – removing polyps turned the procedure into a “surgery,” and a good bit more expensive.

    It does get more complicated if they find any: they have to tie off or freeze – I don’t know which – the polyp(s), remove them, run the bits off to biopsy, and then close the tiny little wound – which is in an intestinal canal, so they have to be damned careful about it

    I don’t understand why insurance wouldn’t cover the additional expense, though.  I mean, what else are they supposed to do? Leave the polyps there?

  71. 71.

    El-Man

    Apparently NZ has one of the world’s highest bowel cancer rates, and I’ve just gotten my test kit for the national screening program in the mail. Well, time to send in that sample. The last one was clean and I eat reasonably well, so no sweat yet.

    PS – growing old sucks.

  72. 72.

    Lyrebird

    @Suzanne: Hey that sounds great…  and I sure like to be able to add a positive thought in to an otherwise not pleasant process.

     

    Have a great night!  And here’s to a healthy blogfather, too!

  76. 76.

    Soprano2

    I did the Cologard but the sample was suspicious so I had to have the colonoscopy anyway. That turned it into a diagnostic procedure which cost more. I’ll never do the Cologard again.

    Many years ago my husband had to have a procedure where they stretch the esophagus, but his doc accidentally put down colonoscopy. That caused a lot of confusion…..

  77. 77.

    BigJimSlade

    @Suzanne: I call that feeling “I want a scone now dammit!” :-)
    (a chocolate chip/chunk scone, or failing that, a 5-grain, those 2 are the best, though a local bakery does sell one split in half with raspberry preserves which is great – it has some big oats in it, so it’s still kinda chewy like a 5-grainer.)

  79. 79.

    Ruckus

    @RAM:

    Same here.

    The whateverthehell that was that I had to drink the 2 times before, which I’m sure was drained from a used car battery, was replaced with something far, far better. Taste = Not battery acid. Success/progress = Not nearly as prisoner of war dinner resulting.

  81. 81.

    RepubAnon

    @Subsole: Given that the Internet is just a series of tubes – perhaps a colonoscopy prep is what Trump’s “Truth” site is modeled on…

  87. 87.

    Fair Economist

    @Carlo Graziani: My first prep used Magnesium Citrate, which I think tastes fine. No problem.

    My second was sodium sulfate, which was horrible. Blecblechblech. Way more expensive than magnesium citrate, too.

  90. 90.

    frosty fred

    @Ruckus: I’ve stopped using that line since the time I got the response, in a rather grim tone, “Not necessarily.”

  96. 96.

    frosty fred

    @Ruckus: No, as it happens the speaker was a cousin of my mother’s, whom I hadn’t seen in decades, and whose husband unbeknownst to me was dying a lingering and painful death of cancer. I just decided a person never knows what someone else’s context is.

  100. 100.

    Miss Bianca

    @John Revolta: Meeee…the doctors told me they found nothing of note and come back in ten years.

    Which will be something of a challenge because I’m not sure I even remember what year I had the colonoscopy!

  101. 101.

    Sandia Blanca

    @Miss Bianca: If your physician’s office is like ours, they will call you when it’s time for your next one. You will then say, “What? There’s no way it’s been (x) years.” And then they’ll provide you with the exact date of the last one.

  102. 102.

    SteverinoCT

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym:  And then we had the drive home.

    Once upon a pleasant weekend, I had a couple of bowls of Raisin Bran for breakfast. I washed it down with a few glasses of apple juice.

    Then, all innocent, I went for a drive, heading out for a good hour and a half before looping back. And then, whoops, the last hour was at a considerably faster rate with some heroic clenching.

    Happy to share.

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