Meet this beautiful boy. He’s 6. and he’s extremely underweight, even after three weeks of being in good hands.
But look at that happy face. Despite all he’s been through, he’s happy, engaging and sweet.
Such a handsome boy. He’s in a great foster home right now, and I finally got to meet him today. He is soooo TALL. And so thin. He weighs only as much as Trixie does at 9 months – 106 lbs. He should easily be around 150 – 160.
And here’s what I need to talk through – the pros and cons of adopting him. I mean, if I let my heart lead, he would have come home with me today. But my brain kicked in and I do know I need to really think this through. There are serious things to consider.
The pros (I mean, besides the fact he’s a sweet, handsome boy)
He’s extremely good-natured and despite being neglected, he was never abused
He and Scout did well together (he hasn’t met Trixie, but she loves everyone)
He’s very laid back and happy to just have couch time
According to his vet visit, his teeth are perfect (which is amazing for his overall condition)
My two pups are so easy going, a third easy-going Dane is doable (I’ve had three before and as long as they are laid back, it’s not as hard as it sounds, LOL).
The serious considerations that are giving me pause:
The cats – he’s good with cats, but do my cats really want another beast stealing their attention
He’s going to have food issues the rest of his life, which means making some serious changes here if he lives with us
Future health issues. We won’t know until he puts some muscle back on, if his hips/knees are bad or just weak.
Financial considerations if he does have serious issues going forward, because I do have to make sure I can give all the critters good care, too.
And finally, the general disruption of a house that all works together pretty seamlessly with everyone knowing their place in the pack and everyone getting along.
======
I worry that at 6 and with a questionable history, he will have a difficult time getting adopted. Especially when the rescue is full of puppies right now (no exaggeration, they are having a discount on puppies this weekend, they have so many).
I know that here, if he has just a year or another six in him, he’ll be healthy, happy and loved and I have experience dealing with Danes with stability issues (two of my rescues had Wobblers, a degenerative nerve issue, usually genetic). And I’m equipped to handle the inevitable to-soon loss.
I’m a little stumped at my inability to make a decision here – usually I just know – but with him, I’ve been vacillating between, “of course he’ll live here, and it will be fine” and “what the fuck are you thinking”
Talk this out with me! Tell me I’m nuts or that I should go get him on Sunday. Or just ooo and aaaah at his handsomeness.
Lyrebird
I have no idea, and I think you might get swamped with BJ readers all pushing you to take on more.
So I am staking out a claim in the land without a clue, but I am wishing you the best. Really appreciate your good news updates. I am sure you will make a good choice.
PaulB
On the financial front, I think you are likely to find that the community here will gladly help out, both now and in the future, so I think you can remove that from the “no” column.
For the rest of the considerations, both pros and cons, I’m not qualified to judge, so I’ll let others chime in.
Edited to add: One consideration: is there a downside to not making a decision for a week or two? If someone else adopts him, would that be okay with you? And if there is a delay, would he be in any way harmed? I think this is a decision you should not make in haste, particularly since it isn’t obvious to you.
MomSense
Yes you are nuts and you should go get him on Sunday!
The softy in me says go get him and to hell with the cons, but you do have all those beings who depend on you and who are enjoying the current situation.
I think a few more days of waiting and maybe just observing the current interactions with all of your feathered and fur family will help you decide whether or not you want to make this kind of change.
stinger
I agree with PaulB and MomSense that if there is no inherent time pressure, take a little more time to observe him and think things through.
That said, if you are struggling, if it’s not an immediate Yes, then maybe it’s a No. But you have a good heart and are sorry that it’s No.
TaMara
@PaulB: He’s on two weeks with his foster and another week is about all she can manage without getting too attached. So they want to find him a home sooner rather than later if they can, since he doesn’t have any behavior issues to work on and is gaining weight and has an okay from the vet to be adopted out. They really are swamped with dogs right now.
And yes, his foster mom and I talked about if someone comes along who says, “this is my dog” that would be okay with me. I do need to let her know by this weekend, so they can start looking for another adopter if I’m not it.
debit
My heart says to go get him. But only you know how much more you can put on your plate, and if part of your brain is saying, “Whoa, hang on a second” it’s important to do just that.
So, maybe something in between? Could you take him on as a foster and see how it goes?
NutmegAgain
He’s gorgeous. And, I know how you feel. As PaulB said, we here will chip in if this kiddo needs medical attention, or other support. (For example I just spent a pretty penny getting my back stairs/deck situation rebuilt to handle Murphy–who has Degenerative Myelopathy- perhaps Wobblers??–and any future Newfer who comes to live with me. Because giant breed dogs don’t just have giant amounts of love, ahem, every other thing is giant too, most especially their vet bills…)
What I hear in your post reminds me of the time I found one of my guys (dog, Newf) at a local shelter, and I called my then partner, “I think I’m in love”. Of course he came home with me. … This sweetie would be lucky to have time with you. I’m finding that I love being Murphy’s caretaker (even though she’s old, and sick, and is developing dementia, and was always a dog with firm opinions), and being able to give her the home she deserves, not whatever garbage she had before.
I hope these rambling thoughts make sense. Know you have support whatever you decide!
Regine Touchon
tjlabs
You know what you have to do. All God’s creatures. Love him. Give him a wonderful time he’s got to come.
WaterGirl
He has such a sweet face!
I can’t imagine that he could find another home as awesome as yours – but that’s true of every animal in Colorado, and you can’t adopt them all. :-)
Imagine how you will feel if you wait a few days or a week and he can no longer be your boy? If you’re relieved, that tells you one thing, if it’s the opposite, that tells you another.
As far as not knowing what the future holds for him health-wise, we never know that anyway. I got a brother and sister kitty pair and Miss Willow has only been to the vet for wellness visits. He brother has a chronic problem that started at 6 months. It’s always a crap shoot.
Financially, I don’t think that needs to be a real concern. First, you have all of us. Second, get pet insurance!
As for the non-logical answer, oh my god that face! I think I love him already.
TaMara
This is helping…it’s interesting gauging my emotional responses to your replies. Which weighs heavier on my emotional scales – your cautions or your enthusiasm?
Hive mind indeed
sab
How much couch space is still available in your house?
Redshift
Ooh! Aah! That all I’ve got, I have no advice. My only experience with fostering (and the occasional foster failure) is with rabbits, where the issues are quite different.
TaMara
@NutmegAgain: ❤❤❤
They are different conditions, but pretty much have the same symptoms and results.
NotoriousJRT
I so admire the size of your heart. I wish I had the perfect answer or even sage advice for you. Alas,I do not. I can say I think this community would find a way to help with finances, but I have always come down on the “oh, but you gotta keep ‘em!” side of EVERY animal- in- need dilemma on this blog since Rosie. I hope whatever you decide leaves you at peace with your choice. You’ve got a lot of love to give, bless you. I mean that sincerely. Good luck!
White & Gold Purgatorian
What PaulB said about the financial concerns. There will be helpers here if you need us. Take that off the table and just worry about the rest.
Spanky
Do you have a bug out plan in case you have to get out quickly, and how would he fit into it?
Sure Lurkalot
Just want to say how much I admire you putting a post like this out there.
Because so many here know your love and passion for animals.
Whatever you choose will be based on your wisdom which is as it should be.
Anne Laurie
I can understand why you’re conflicted! On the one hand, such a sweet boy, such a sad story. On the other…
He gets along with Scout now, but how will he feel about her (and Trixie) as he gets older, more decrepit, possibly with memory issues? An older male can be snippy with young’uns who don’t realize their own vitality, and it can be hard for young’uns to remember this.
(In particular… the only two cases I personally knew about where one dog in a family ‘pack’ actually injured another member of the pack badly enough the victim didn’t survive were young, strong females competing with older, weaker males. Both of those boys were also *smaller* than their antagonists, which wouldn’t be an issue for you, but still… )
And maybe — if there’s another home available for him — the big guy might prefer to have less competition? The Spousal Unit insisted on adopting the rescue who’s now our only dog because ‘nobody else would want him’, since he was ugly, aggressively unhousebroken, and generally a neurotic mess. He was the omega dog in our pack, and a daily annoyance to me, for a decade. Until the sad day he became the Only Dog… and, literally overnight, 80% of his worst habits disappeared. Maybe your Big Guy would prefer a home with, if nothing else, fewer cats to bully him?
Of course, if he’s still looking for a forever home come Sunday, you’ll all find a way. But I feel like I have to be the devil’s advocate here, just as a precaution!
stinger
If I’m urging caution, it’s probably because, in addition to my 3 rescue dogs, I’ve dogsat for the past week with my best friend’s (rescue) dog. Four dogs, all completely different in size, appearance, and likely breed mixes. It’s exhausting! But I have to force myself to stay off Petfinder! I always say, have no more dogs than the number of available hands to pet with!
I also have a rescue cat….
NutmegAgain
@TaMara: Ah–so you already have the Big Dog Tummy Handles … I’m glad there’s a redesign. The last one I had ripped out when my Maisie had a TPLO (surgery for a busted ACL–very common in Newfies). So yeah, it’s too bad we’re so far apart–I have the crate, the lifter-upper, the endless amount of dog towels, etc. Always good to share.
Elizabelle
There is just not a wrong answer here. Either way, he has won the lottery. He either goes home to you, or is in the pipeline for another, non-neglectful home.
How would you feel if someone else adopted him?
emrys
It seems like you have weighed out the pros and cons pretty well.
Would you be content if the rescue found him a forever home which would give him as much as you can? If so, you could give the rescue a time frame (4-7 days?) to do so, and if they can’t, obviously he is meant to be yours. If not, you may as well go ahead and commit.
eta or what Elizabelle said
TaMara
@Anne Laurie: All good points. And devil’s advocate is what I was looking for…
One of the considerations with him is he won’t make a good only dog – he came from a pack of 3, and he really, really needs other dog companionship. He’s glued to his foster siblings.
But yeah, I do worry about his ability to cope with Trixie’s buoyancy. Of course, we are all working to cope with that (you should see the bruise on my forehead where she enthusiastically ran into me with her head this weekend, LOL).
TaMara
@sab: Well, I’ll probably be sitting on the floor. 😉🤣
Steeplejack
@TaMara:
How is he going to be with the ducks? Don’t want to bring in someone with an unexpected prey drive. 🤔
TaMara
@Steeplejack: Good point. That was my first concern. I was worried he’d been rescued from the mean streets and had to catch his own dinner. It’s often not possible to retrain that behavior.
But his history is one of a group of Danes who were well cared for until they weren’t, and once family members realized they were being severely neglected, they did the right thing and had them removed from the situation.
With that info and his gentle demeanor, I’m confident I can train him. It took time with both Scout and Trixie when they were small – but once they knew the ducks were family members, we made progress. He wouldn’t be alone with them until I was sure….and then maybe not for a long time after that even.
Jackie
@Steeplejack: I agree; let the Quackers have a vote. If they agree, then it’s only up to what your intuition decides.
The Moar You Know
I read the whole thread, and especially your comments, TaMara. I think there is nothing better than taking in a senior animal, and if it were me I’d go get him.
You’ve already signed on for the health issues, they are just delayed in your case.
And I just realized with a bit of breaking heart that my golden is older than this guy is.
JimV
This reminds me of a story, about the Avian Mafia in the Amazon. The two main gangs, the Crows and the Parrots, were rivals with a long tradition of violence. One day, a bunch of parrot gangsters swarmed the crow capo, damaging one of his wings. So the crow capo went to Don Owl to ask permission to put a hit on the parrot capo.
Don Owl shrugged and sang,
It’s your wing!
Do what you gotta do!
I can’t tell you,
lose the cockatoo!
(copyright JV August 3, 2022)
OCD
Go get him.
Ann Marie
If you are concerned about how he will get along with Trixie, could you take her to meet him? One visit wouldn’t tell you everything, of course, but it might give you an idea.
different-church-lady
Mood: FUCK EVERYTHING, I’M GONNA SIT HERE AND WATCH A VOLCANO ERUPT.
(Apologies, I incorrectly assumed open thread.)
TaMara
@different-church-lady: No, no…that seems fitting to my mood, too.
Perilous
Two weeks ago, after my soon-to-be-ex left with both of the dogs (right decision for the pups), I jumped at the chance to go adopt a 4-year-old pittie with three legs who had been in the shelter 7 months.
I wanted that challenge. I made promises to her, and to me. She’s such a sweet girl. Curled up right beside me at night. Checked on me often in my home office. Three-legged zoomies don’t last long, but they are spectacular.
But at this point in my life it was just too much. We have a lot of steps in the house and they are hard to navigate for a pooch with a missing back leg, and folks said her breed would limit my ability to travel with her. She would be great in the home of an older person with no other pets who doesn’t travel much.
I was really emotional when she left. At least I gave her one good week of great food, hearty scratches, tug-o-war, and a big back yard she could explore any time she wanted.
So I guess I would say lean “no.” Especially if you’re thinking this much about it.
Another Scott
Our mutt Ellie is going on 6. She’s around 48 pounds, so a waif compared to what you’re used to. We’ve had her about 5 years now.
When we adopted her from a local place that finds homes for dogs from rural areas of VA, we saw how happy she was but she was very underweight (28 pounds) – they said she hadn’t eaten since she’d been there. Sometime in her puppyhood she apparently got hit by a car. Broken femur, broken pelvis, and somehow she survived it and you’d never know to look at her except her right rear leg is shorter than the other and points out (and she has a bit of a rocking-horse gait when she walks).
Just before we finally took her home the adoption place said that there was a chance that she’d need to have her right rear leg amputated because of all the damage; we were shocked but said we’d still take her. Their vets and experts did some more looking and said that she didn’t need to go through that. Fortunately!
She hates noisy trucks and motorcycles, she hates slippery floors, and generally won’t go up or down more than about 3 stairs. And she hates storm drains. And sometimes she’ll sit down suddenly on walks and bite at her feet or crotch, like something’s bothering her (probably pain).
We took her to a sports vet near Annapolis to get checked out and 3 steroid injections over 3 months. That seemed to help. They said surgery to free up some nerves that are probably pinched by the remodeled bones wasn’t possible. Ellie is seeing a yoga-like vet now, to loosen up some tight leg muscles and help her feel better.
Long story short: (as you know), doggies will do their best to find joy every day. No matter what they’ve been through. Damaged doggies can be hard to adopt, and it can be hard for them to find homes, but they’re a special joy.
Good luck with your decision, and thanks for looping us in.
Cheers,
Scott.
Prometheus Shrugged
We took his spitting image (a female black Dane, with white chest) from a beach in Mexico, when she was ~5 years old at the time and have never looked back. Our beach girl has put on ~20 pounds in two years–amazing what Costco chicken can do!–and is happy chasing the rabbits and birds in our area, as opposed to the seagulls and crabs where she grew up. She does have the issue that all small dogs in our neighborhood want to challenge her, but that’s a minor distraction. So do it. You won’t be sorry.
trollhattan
Just look at that face! He presents himself as a lovable gentleman. Tough decisions ahead.
NutmegAgain
@Another Scott: I brought one of my dogs for acupuncture for about 6 – 8 months before I finally had to say goodby. She had endless ortho problems, poor doggie. The vet who did the needling was a regular vet also, and she had a water tank for water therapy at her practice. Both the waterwork and the needles helped a lot. (Somewhat ironically this dog was my only one I got from a breeder … fancy title and all that.). Anyhow just some info, hope it might be helpful.
Andrew Abshier
DVM here. What are the “food issues for the rest of his life” that you wrote about? If he needs to be on a special diet, do you have a way of isolating him during feeding time so he gets what he needs? (I know of the multi-pet household rule of “the other pet’s food tastes better than my own.”). If it is chronic gastroenteritis, it can be managed with diet, but special diets for a dog this size could get cost-prohibitive.
If it were me, I would spend the money to get his hips/stifles evaluated with x-rays to see what is is you may be facing. A good orthopedic exam is in order as well. Most of my ortho cases I manage on NSAIDS and supplements such as Cosequin (itself not inexpensive) but eventually the pain gets to be too much even with pain control maxed out.
Not trying to cast aspersions, but keep eyes open with this guy. He looks like a cracker, but I suspect he will not be low maintenance.
Anne Laurie
With a rescue (you probably know this, other readers may not), one may have to plan on keeping everything *potentially* edible out of the dog’s reach, forever. And for a Dane that size, the reach is considerable!
TaMara is a great cook / baker / recipe maker, and having to pay attention to every ingredient every minute — or else set up unbreachable barriers to kitchen entry — would be tiring for everybody.
Our late rescue Gloria would steal used tea leaves, and plastic bags that had once held bread. We had to switch to liquid hand soaps because she’d try to eat bar soap (she hoarded, but fortunately did *not* chew, Dial wrappers). We rearranged the house so that every wastebasket (even at our desks) was out of her reach — fortunately, she was a 15-inch Papillon cross, so we could still use them ourselves.
It took months of hard work by both parties to agree that if she *did* get her jaws on something dangerous, like a catfood can lid with sharp edges or a tube of xylitol-flavored toothpaste, the humans would trade it for something really delicious like cooked chicken, if she didn’t bite us first.
Sounds like TaMara’s big guy wouldn’t bite, but on the other hand, she won’t be able to throw a blanket over him while another human pries the ‘trophy’ out of his jaws, either.
sab
@Anne Laurie: We adopted an extremely young rescue ( rescued at ~ 10 weeks) who had already been abandoned and starved in her short life. Food was always an issue for her. She was a tiny lab/shepherd mix. She always thought she was hungry.
One afternoon she stole a pie off the kitchen counter that I did not know she could reach. I baked a replacement and put it to cool at the back of the stove. She stole that also ( she was a nimble jumper.) Third pie went on top of the refrigerator. She couldn’t reach but a dane could easily
ETA Abandoned meant puppy dumped outside in February in NE Ohio snowstorm. Boggles my mind that someone could do that to a puppy.
sab
OT I was way more involved in home nursing my elderly parents than I wanted to be. But that was nothing compared to home nursing a spouse after major surgery. As a home nurse not a professional I know nothing and am learning on the fly where doing it wrong could be catastrophic.
Also too he is in severe pain and therefore sleeps sporadically. So me too. So we are both exhausted.
The dog is beside herself with anxiety about us.
The cats are furious that food and litter changes are sporadic. Nobody is starved, but not all canned food is timely. ( Eat dry you guys.) Life is unpredictable and they do not like that.
J.
@TaMara: It sounds like he is already part of your crazy family. So bring him home. You know we will help you financially, and that you will worry about him if you don’t bring him home. You just needed a little convincing that you weren’t crazy. (Well, you are crazy, but we love you for that.) Also, you need to write a children’s book about your menagerie. It would be a bestseller. xo, J.
sab
@sab: Also too he is terrified of addiction and so will not take pain medication ahead of the pain
ETA Everyone he knows says do otherwise, but he drags his pain meds out. Hour or two later than advised.
Helena Montana
Could you bring him home for a weekend visit to see if/how he fits in with the pack?
TaMara
@Andrew Abshier:
@Anne Laurie:
Pretty much what Anne said. Most of my Danes are not/were not food motivated. This guy, for now, wants ALL the food and does counter surf. So measures would have to be taken, especially with the cat food. I suspect the barriers I have to their food would not be enough for him. Feeding separately is a given, though I do that already. Mostly so I know everyone is eating their food and how much.
Interesting, Anne, with Danes, those of us with Dane experience practice “soft mouth” pretty early on (I think the Dane rescue years ago turned me on to how to do that)* – being able to put your entire hand in their mouth without them getting “bitey” because as you can imagine, a Dane bite, even in play, is no small deal.
The foster mom has also been pulling his food bowl away (another trick we all seem to do) to discourage food aggression. He’s been very good with that. Just sits and waits for her to put the dish back down.
Re: Ortho issues, I have talked with my vet about the possible adoption and since she’s well versed in big dogs, I think we can come up with a plan as needed. But I anticipate issues – although right now, he’s pretty bouncy. Hoping with more muscle, he’ll avoid the worst of those issues.
And he’ll have to be walked separately since his walks will need to be short and more for neighborhood socialization and not exercise.
*the things I have had to pull out of various Danes’ mouths. OMG LOL
TaMara
BTW, for those who have read this far, I did not wake up this morning with an answer. But I have narrowed it down to, do I want to disrupt the other critters’ lives? Since they are all pretty used to me taking in strays until their owners can be found and the comings and goings of our own pack as they get old and leave…I may be overthinking that part.
Andrew Abshier
@TaMara: All good points. Being exclusively a cat owner for over decade, I totally forgot about the counter surfing issue. I’m glad that’s all that has to be dealt with instead of an actual condition in the GI tract.
stinger
@JimV: Hilarious! Now that’ll be in my head all day!
stinger
I thought some more about you and this sweet boy during my morning walk, TaMara. If you were new to rescues, or new to Danes, or new to mixed-species households, I’d definitely say Wait, Learn More. But you’re not, and the very fact that despite your experience you are hesitant says to me that you probably shouldn’t take this step. It seems to me you have the perfect heart for him, but perhaps not the perfect home.
Is another good home unlikely to open up for him?
Now having read through the thread that continued overnight, and your more recent comments, I suspect you’ve decided — providing you can feel good about your existing critters. That’s probably the best deciding factor, as you have already promised these guys a good life, and to disrupt it now in some irrevocable but avoidable way would be unfair. However, if you can see down the road that the disruptions would be brief and minor, then you would be giving them another “brother” to love.
Not much help! Only you can decide, but I feel confident you’ll decide for the best. Send pics!
stinger
@sab: I too fear addiction, but when I had surgery several years ago, my doctor told me ahead of time, “Pain is not part of the healing process; it interferes with it.” That helped me to take the meds when I needed them and to feel okay about it.
Best wishes for him.
Denali
Since my son is recovering from a dog bite resulting from him separating his two dogs in a fight, I would make sure all these dogs get along. Life is stressful enough without having to make a tough decision to remove a dog from the family.