Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

“More of this”, i said to the dog.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

I really should read my own blog.

I know this must be bad for Joe Biden, I just don’t know how.

You can’t love your country only when you win.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

People are complicated. Love is not.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

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Reader Interactions

89Comments

  6. 6.

    Ken

    Check the laundry hamper for the pants you were wearing when you last wore a belt.  That’s where I usually find my wallet when it’s missing.

  10. 10.

    Leto

    I remember post upon post about how you were an overall man. Overalls don’t need belts. You’ll be fine.

  13. 13.

    Kayla Rudbek

    @Immanentize: my grandpa was quite the character! And he and my dad could do more arguing in two hours than most people could do all day. And nothing was ever resolved; they used to argue about how to tie knots, for instance.

  15. 15.

    Grumpy Old Railroader

    I’m not sure why you don’t just iron and put a crease in your overalls. When my town was just a small railroad town, railroad workers always kept a good pair of what they called “Sunday” overalls for formal occasions. You would see them with a white shirt and tie and creased pair of new overalls at a funeral, wedding or in church.

  19. 19.

    CaseyL

    …you have belts?

    Do you have one of those hanging clothes/shoes organizers in your closet?  Check there;  you might have tossed one in when you were in a hurry to change into your real comfortable clothes.

  20. 20.

    dww44

    This post has ended my day nicely. Been working on a grant application all day and have to continue tomorrow. So, John’s post and these responses have provided some needed humorous respite. Re all the suggestions, many good ones, But I kinda think steve g’s is the best, assuming the belt isn’t needed to hold the pants up. I normally have the opposite problem. Too much me for the pants.

  22. 22.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @Mike in NC: That crossed my mind as well.  I once flew on a chartered by the military commercial transport, had to be in uniform, and for who knows why forgot my belt.  I wound up just hanging tough and telling the enlisted who pointed it out Steve Martin’s two word solution.

  32. 32.

    Villago Delenda Est

    @eclare: “I forgot”.  As in “Your honor, I forgot that armed robbery was a crime.”

    If that doesn’t work, there’s a second two word solution: “Excuuuuse me!”

    H/T to Steve Martin, this is one of his bits.

  38. 38.

    David 🌈☘The Establishment☘🌈 Koch

    If you can’t find a bet, surely you have a wet suit you can wear

  39. 39.

    Nicole

    At least you discovered it the night before. I went to an out-of-town wedding today and 45 minutes before the transportation to the wedding was due to arrive I realized I’d forgotten to pack the belt that goes with the dress.  The dress needs a belt.  I was not happy.

  40. 40.

    Jager

    A portion of a letter I wrote to Kevin McCarthy, the minority leader of the US House…

    Congressman, my wife, and I were outraged during our visit to the Ventura County Fair this past week. We witnessed young vulnerable girls lolling about in pens with huge pigs, sheep, and goats. We saw adolescent, white boys cavorting with Angus heifers. Sir, how can an organization like 4H be allowed to expose our most tender youth to the brazen display of animal sex organs? We even saw a young girl washing the testicles of a Charolais bull. That and the amount of grooming going on was outrageous. Is there anything you can do about this? Can a law be written? Our pastor is on my side, in fact, I spoke about this at our weekly church coffee this morning…the congregation was very excited.

  42. 42.

    Raoul Paste

    Okay, take two lengths of duct tape and press the sticky faces together.

    Then throw that away and find your belt.  Have you ever heard of Conservation of Mass?

  44. 44.

    LeftCoastYankee

    Skirts don’t need belts.  Just say it’s a kilt with your family crest (yellow daisies).

  46. 46.

    Lyrebird

    @Immanentize: John, how about you get up early, go to Walmart, buy a belt?

    If that’s too far, many drugstores and grocery stores sell hairbands, including stretchy elastic ones.  Sold in packs of several.  Can be chained together for a belt.

  49. 49.

    dmsilev

    Look, it’s simple. I’m sure you have a bag of nylon zip ties somewhere. Just chain a bunch of them together, and carry a wire cutter or similar for when you need to de-belt.

  52. 52.

    Another Scott

    Check your rain gutters.  Crows will put bones and stuff they want to soften up in gutters.  They might be up there.  They might be in your birdbath too, for the same reason.  I put some pieces of stale bread out and the crows decided to fill up the birdbath with them, but they did eventually return to eat…

    HTH!!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  60. 60.

    Jager

    Since we are talking about old guys and pants, I was at the Levi department in Macy’s this afternoon, my lovely wife handed me a pair in my size. Since I’ve porked up a bit, I took them to the dressing room, I dropped my pants, grabbed the new Levis, and attempted to put them on, it was impossible to get my size 11.5 foot into the bottom half of the fucking tapered leg. As I was struggling with the tapered Levis, I heard a “mother fucker” from the adjoining dressing room, then a crash, then the legs of the dressing room chair slid under the partition. Another “Motherfucker” rang out and the nice Macy’s lady knocked on the door and asked if everything was okay.  My neighbor said, “who invented these god damned tapered Levis!” I got my old pants back on, and stepped out of the booth, my neighbor came out a second later. I said, ‘Like the new Levi tapered pants, huh?” He laughed and said, “About as much as you do pal.” We both ended up with regular 505s…

  62. 62.

    kindness

    John aren’t you at the suspenders part of life yet?  Mind you I was born in the 50’s.

  63. 63.

    sab

    @Jager: I’m sorry. I laughed.

    I hope you are okay.

    I have always thought fashionable jeans are an oxymoron. Jeans should be functional and comfortable. Period.

  64. 64.

    eclare

    @Jager:   Great story!  I am female and have never worn skinny jeans.  I am short (five foot one), and whenever I have tried them on, all I can think is that I look like a penguin.

  67. 67.

    Yutsano

    I don’t wear jeans because I have a leg brace. There doesn’t exist enough of a relaxed fit to accommodate orthotics like mine.

  68. 68.

    sab

    My first pair of jeans (1966) were a pair of levis so stiff that they could stand on their own. That was before stonewashed jeans. You had to break them in yourself, and it was an uncomfortable process.

    My second pair were hand-me-downs from my father. For some bizarre reason my grandmother kept his teen jeans, and in high school they fit me perfectly.

  69. 69.

    sab

    We are using my husband’s back surgery as an excuse to purge the house, and I am discovering that my virtuous thriftiness is actually an inner pack-rat. If after twenty years I haven’t dieted down to fit some beloved dresses, I just need to let go. Too bad if nobody else loves them like I did. Good luck Goodwill. Vintage by now and still in good shape

    ETA: And what do I do with all my Covid masks now that professional grade are available?  Sew them together into a dog blanket?

  72. 72.

    sab

    Totally OT: my husband’s back surgery and the extra unplanned ten days in hospital reminded me of what exceptional people good nurses are. And we fortunately only had good nurses. Husband was trying to be a good patient, but hospital care robs you of all dignity, and good nurses take care of the medical requirements and comfort while creating an illusion of dignity and limited autonomy for the patient. I cannot imagine being that nice to random people for years.

  76. 76.

    sab

    @eclare: I am going to have to be an amateur version now, since he’s home and needs IV antibiotics.

    I certainly didn’t rise to the occasion today. Home nurse came to intruct me how to to do an IV today, and I was quite snippy when husband interrupted. ” She’s training me, not you! Want to do your own IV? Fine! I’ll go read a book and you two get on with it.”

    And when stepson came over and I was showing him how to recharge the electric lawnmower and husband wanted whatever right then I shrieked ” Shut up! I am busy!”  Right in front of stepson and the dog. Not one of my finer moments.

    ETA and afterwards I was in tears ( and I never cry) because I had fucked up so badly, and that made husband feel guilty for being sick and a burden.

    We worked it out, but sucky day, and nurses are amazing.

  78. 78.

    sab

    @eclare: Yes. It’s just in the meantime every little detail matters. The IV terrifies me. A bubble and he has a stroke. Casual with sanitation and the MRSA survives. And I have no actual experience with this stuff. I don’t have good habits. I have no related habits at all, except from Covid and housekeeping. And I am bitchy when I am on shaky ground.

  79. 79.

    sab

    Also too I forgot to give the cats their second wet catfood meal (my job) and to change their kitty litter (his job.)

    Cats are being good. “We aren’t angry. We are just deeply disappointed in your total betrayal of our trust in you.”

  80. 80.

    frosty

    @Kayla Rudbek: Knots are important! Of course they argued. If you want to be safe being lowered down the mountain use a bowline. If you want to risk your life try a square knot.

  81. 81.

    frosty

    @Nicole: We went to an out of town wedding many many years ago and when we got off the plane we realized my wife’s suitcase was still in the car.  Deep breath. Okay, this is a problem a credit card can solve. Stopped in Laura Ashley’s, two salesgirls were grabbing dresses, we were out of there in a half hour and on our way.

  82. 82.

    frosty

    @Jager: Last time I was in the Levi’s store I asked to try on 505s. Then noted the geezer behind me also asked for them. You’re showing your age, pal.

    What pisses me off is that they changed the cut; the watch pocket where I keep my phone changes randomly, the pockets are deep, then they’re not … and they don’t sell an inseam short enough for me. Fucking suits decided to let the Chinese make them and still charge USA prices.

    Grr

    frosty

  84. 84.

    Ruckus

    This is not the first time we’ve had this thread, John discussed pants well over a decade ago. It’s like I’ve traveled back in time.

    @sab:

    Best of luck for your spouse’s recovery. It can take time for everything, everyone to adjust to major changes, just take it one day at a time.

  85. 85.

    Ruckus

    @Jager:

    I wear 501 Levis. Or at least I used to. I have a used pair and 2 new unworn pair. I can not remember the last time I’ve worn that or any pair of long pants. I wear shorts. They are more comfortable and if someone doesn’t like that I wear shorts, fuckem. Someone once asked me what I do about going someplace with a dress code. Told them I don’t wear dresses. They failed to see the humor. Life is far too short to give a damn what other’s think about how I clothe myself. The bits that need to be covered, are. I’m comfortable. Done.

  86. 86.

    J R in WV

    I’ll wear shorts until November or so, and then dig up a couple pairs of jeans for the  winter season. I do wear a belt to hold the pants up, tho.

  87. 87.

    Nancy

    @sab: I’m sure the cat’s act will be funny someday.

    I can’t even imagine handling an IV for someone I love. We do what we must, but this hovers on the edge of too much.

    I won’t offer thoughts and prayers, but I will be thinking of you as I get annoyed by the day-to-day little things. I hope you have caring, local family and friends.

  88. 88.

    Central Planning

    @dmsilev: I wonder if John needs a proper belt, or just something to tighten up some pants. If it’s the latter, a zip tie pulling two belt loops together might do just fine.

    I will now wonder how snazzy a zip tie belt would look. I might have to make one just to see

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