Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

I really should read my own blog.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Sadly, media malpractice has become standard practice.

Republicans in disarray!

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Republicans don’t want a speaker to lead them; they want a hostage.

Everyone is in a bubble, but some bubbles model reality far better than others!

Peak wingnut was a lie.

Hot air and ill-informed banter

That’s my take and I am available for criticism at this time.

The words do not have to be perfect.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Dear media: perhaps we ought to let Donald Trump speak for himself!

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

It is possible to do the right thing without the promise of a cookie.

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / The Universe Has Spoken

The Universe Has Spoken

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Me, the other day, explaining why I was not upset about Giselle being adopted already:

That’s sort of how I view how the universe works with animals. The right cat or dog for you will end up in your household. I know she was gorgeous and super friendly and would have made a great companion, but she would have been that way with everyone, and clearly was as she went the same afternoon I saw her. One of these days it will happen, and then I will have the right cat.

Well, as a Cole, all I have to do with this bloodline is put it out there just a touch that I might be interested in a dog or cat, and one is delivered. This time, the universe contacted me via email, and a reader here (I will let her out herself) and asked if I would take a cat she can no longer handle off her hands. And I said yes. So over the next few weeks I will be picking up my brand new pantera, Max:

The Universe Has Spoken

The Universe Has Spoken 1

The Universe Has Spoken 2

The Universe Has Spoken 3

As you can tell, he is absolutely fucking gorgeous, with that beautiful coat and those piercing eyes and that strong nose, and he is big at 16lbs but it is all muscle. I’ve always wanted a black cat, too, because I just think they are gorgeous, but I never had one fall into my lap before.

I’m very excited, and will be making a trip or arranging a Balloon Juice convoy of the damned willing to help get him here from Rhode Island.

BTW- his full name is Maxwell Edison after the psychotic murderer in the Beatles song, which makes him even more awesome if you ask me.

Reader Interactions

111Comments

  6. 6.

    philpm

    Gorgeous cat Cole!

    His name brought to mind a conversation that me and the wife were having earlier this evening.  The spouse had seen something on FB about the Vatican hitting a dead pope with a hammer three times to make sure they are dead, and the first thing that came to mind was Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.  Then I see this.  It was obviously meant to be.

  8. 8.

    Mr. Bemused Senior

    A name to conjure with, “Max.”  George Smiley’s work name. Also agent 86. Be sure you’re not followed, John.

  9. 9.

    Amir Khalid

    For your safety, you should keep your hammers out of Maxwell’s reach. Especially the fancy silver ones.

  12. 12.

    Matt McIrvin

    Uh-oh, he looks like my big stinker Luna. I love her but she is rambunctious. Sometimes a little too rambunctious for our other cat.

  15. 15.

    Yutsano

    Proper authoritahs have indeed been alerted. And if I play my cards right, I might even get her to appear.​

    EDIT: you must now get an all white kitten and name her Eleanor Rigby.

  21. 21.

    zhena gogolia

    He’s beautiful. I love black cats. My first beloved cat was black.

    Did I hallucinate the kitten you were waiting for who was in quarantine?

  22. 22.

    Nicole

    He’s beautiful.  And I think I read (or was told) that black cats have a tougher time getting adopted, so how lucky is he that you’ve been wanting one!

  23. 23.

    Sandia Blanca

    We can’t wait to see the chain of jackals eagerly volunteering to take a leg of the trip from Rhode Island to West Virginia, handing the cat carrier off like the Olympic torch.

  29. 29.

    CaseyL

    Max is a very handsome fellow.  And either playful, or good at striking poses.  Congrats on the new family member!

    Alas, I can’t help with the drive directly, since I live clear across the country from both you and Max.  I can, however, help with funding if needed.

  30. 30.

    pieceofpeace

    His enchanting eyes look full of curiosity.  And can’t help notice his resemblance to the usual Halloween beauties.

  31. 31.

    A Man for All Seaonings (formerly Geeno)

    @Nicole:

    I would adopt ALL the black cats, if I could. I’ve never had anything but good interactions with black cats – mine. other people’s, even strays.

  33. 33.

    TaMara

    As a proud member of the house Panther club, congratulations. My “little” Patrick Sulivan Panther, Esq. is almost 16 lbs, too. They really are deceptive in size and muscle.

  36. 36.

    oldster

    He looks great, John!

    But keep in mind that the universe may not have had its last word yet. Seeing a kitty in photographs is one thing; meeting a kitty in the flesh is a very different thing. In the flesh, you will have new reactions to catkin, and he will have reactions to you, too.

    It’s not all about the looks, is what I’m saying: there’s got to be chemistry between you two. If there isn’t, then M.E. may be the right cat for someone else.

    So, go in with high hopes and an open mind. Keep listening to the universe, and listen to the kitty, too.

    I hope it works out!

  39. 39.

    Sure Lurkalot

    My sweet and spunky Mercedes was a fine black cat. I do believe they are of a kind and he will totally fit in with the menagerie.

  40. 40.

    Miss Bianca

    Oh, wow – Max is gorgeous! I’m directing Bell, Book and Candle right now, and he would be such a purrrfect Pyewacket! Congrats, JC!

  41. 41.

    randy khan

    Black cats are kind of mysterious.  My wife had two of them when I met her and sometimes they just seemed to appear from nowhere.

    Also, those cubes with the holes in them are great.  A lot of toys get used for a while and then ignored, but our cats come back to the cube again and again.

  42. 42.

    gVOR08

    Burmese? Except Bonnie had green eyes, he looks like our black Burmese. Smartest cat I’ve ever seen. Our other cats would chase a laser spot to exhaustion. Bonnie would look at it, then look up at me like, “Really?”

  43. 43.

    TaMara

    @gVOR08: Probably Bombay which is a hybrid, so you are definitely seeing the Burmese. My Sully is a Bombay.

    Bombays strike a pleasing balance between the moderate American Shorthair and the frisky, vocal Burmese. However, since the American Shorthair is less prominent today, Bombays tend to be more like the Burmese than like the American Shorthair.

  46. 46.

    Steeplejack

    @philpm:

    LOL. Among the flotsam and jetsam that Google pushes at me was an article last week on “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer,” a McCartney song that supposedly all the other Beatles hated. A later critic called it a “ghastly miscalculation” and “sniggering nonsense.”

  47. 47.

    kalakal

    He’s beautiful. I’ve always had a black cat amongst the menagerie, I don’t pick up, they turn up and I think they’re gorgeous to look at. My Max was not big cat like yours ( he was small but perfectly formed) but I hope you and your Max get on as well as we did

  48. 48.

    philpm

    @Steeplejack: I get a lot of Beatles’ stuff pushed at me on a daily basis, and I think I remember seeing that one.  Funny what critics will dismiss out of hand.  The band members on the other hand . . . .

  49. 49.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Steeplejack: The song is the sort of joke that’s bad-taste funny if you hear it once, but I imagine having to spend a couple of weeks recording this thing to McCartney’s perfectionist standards would make it grating.

  50. 50.

    TaMara

    @MazeDancer: Not to mention the all-muscle weight. That seems to be a giveaway.  Sully doesn’t look like he’s the biggest cat in the family, but he’s a brute at 15.5 lbs of lean muscle.

  55. 55.

    cain

    Congratulations, Cole! I have two of these black velociraptors and I love them although one is them has to go to the vet because he liked all his fur off and needs to be seen for anxiety. 🙄

  56. 56.

    columbusqueen

    Congratulations, John. Also want to extend deep gratitude to all who offered condolences on Tristan’s death. We’ve lost cats before, but this one hits hard because of what a total loverboy he was. I’m missing him right now while trying to fall asleep without him.

  58. 58.

    Feathers

    All hail Maxwell! Makes me miss my Loopie — black cat, but actually smoke with fur white at the base, jet black on top. Part Siamese because chirps instead of meows. Full name Ida Lupino, but outed self as Loopie pretty early on.

  59. 59.

    Mai Naem mobile

    Maxwell looks like he belongs in the movies.  The companion of a James Bond villain or something. The eyes are just so striking.

  60. 60.

    tokyokie

    I’ve had two black cats over the years, Marlene, who was sweet but incredibly stupid, and Neyle, who was an inveterate troublemaker and pretty smart. Neyle was half Siamese, and although his littermate, Maggie, looked more Siamese, Neyle had the more Siamese attitude. The kind of cat who’d jump to the top of an open door, then go to sleep there. I hope Max turns out to be as great a cat as Neyle was, but that’s a high bar.

  61. 61.

    moonbat

    He’s beautiful! I highly recommend black kitties. I have owned several in my time. As long as he doesn’t come with a silver hammer, you should be very happy together!

  63. 63.

    mvr

    @Sandia Blanca: And probably taking the chain of rides through the western states and south just so that all could participate. But most cats don’t much like car rides, so I suggest those of us out here hold off on volunteering.

  64. 64.

    dp

    He looks awesome.  Congratulations and thanks for helping the former valet (as you know, no one “owns” a cat.)

  69. 69.

    KrackenJack

    A stray black Manx adopted us when I was a kid. He also went by Max (Maximillian). They are very muscular. He was quite the hunter.

  73. 73.

    J R in WV

    Our first cat was a very sleek black girl we named Jezebel. She would lurk on top of the fridge in the  mornings and wait for someone to come in to make  coffee, pounce your hair, and then leap behind the fridge. Was a darling all her life!

  74. 74.

    pat

     

    a cat she can no longer handle off her hands.

    I wonder what that means…

    We will look forward to entertaining stories of his introduction to your household, John!

  75. 75.

    opiejeanne

    What a gorgeous cat. Congratulations, John. I hope Max fits in well with your other animals.

  81. 81.

    Tinare

    I have been butler to many black cats over the years.  They have all been lovebugs with very definite personalities.  Congrats!  He’s a beaut.

  85. 85.

    Sword of Damocles

    If you can get him to the Pittsburgh vicinity,  I can provide last mile delivery. I do vet transports for my local Humane Society.

  86. 86.

    Matt McIrvin

    @Steeplejack: I actually think Paul’s goofy music-hall novelty songs are a nice change of pace on the late albums, but they’re best taken in small doses.

  87. 87.

    LiminalOwl

    Maxwell Edison is indeed gorgeous. I’m in Massachusetts and can drive him from RI to NYC if that’s useful.

    Trivia note: My father had a huge silver, probably Maine Coon, named Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.

    Trivia note 2: I was the TA for my MA program’s Diagnosis and Assessment class. For students who think like me, I made up a Personality Disorders mnemonic playlist. Guess which song I chose for Antisocial Personality?  (And I’m still looking for a good Paranoid Personality song.  The song titled “Paranoid,” which people kept recommending, actually does not meet the personality disorder criteria.)

  92. 92.

    SFAW

    John –

    I’m more than happy to transport him on the RI-to-Central-MA leg of the trip. Of course, once the car reaches Chez SFAW, Google Maps will mysteriously stop working, and I will be stuck with him here. Oh well.

  95. 95.

    Tazj

    Congratulations. He’s a beautiful cat that I’m sure will be a great addition to the household.

  97. 97.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    My cats are much better behaved now that I’ve told them the story of the New England cat banished to West Virginia to live with an ogre.

  100. 100.

    eachother

    It didn’t take the universe long to organize a plan.
    ‘No doubt unfolding as it should. ‘

    A black cat in the season of the witch. Suggesting a confluence of intent.

  103. 103.

    dnfree

    A couple of years ago a daughter adopted one of seven black kittens at Halloween.  They had all been given Halloween-themed names, and hers is Cobweb, since promoted to Sir Cobweb.  Not nearly as big as Max, though.  Very talkative.

  105. 105.

    suilebhan

    What a strikingly beautiful cat!  Wishing you, Maxwell and all of your critters the best.

  110. 110.

    Frankie T.

    First post here from a long-time BJ reader.  Congrats to John on being adopted by Max, who is a gorgeous cat.  The best cat I ever, ever had was a black female Bombay named Friendly Cat.  She was extraordinary in every way: sociable with everyone and other cats, playful, great emotional intelligence, beautiful, and very fond of belly rubs.  Friendly Cat adopted us by wandering across the street from a house where she had been abandoned by her first owner when he left for college, and she was one of at least six or seven other cats being “managed” by the guy’s grandmother.  After having her as a nearly full-time visitor for a couple of weeks, we got permission from the grandmother to make it a permanent situation.  Friendly Cat was smart enough to find a better gig, and she had this preternatural air about her that the universe would always provide.  She was right.  I hope Max brings the same awesome black cat karma to your household, and that you have many great years together.

  111. 111.

    Gravie

    Black kitties are the best! Our late, lamented KatKat was sleek, elegant, affectionate, and smart from his ears to the tip of his long black tail.

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