Vote GOP! We’ll fix the economy by making the rest of life worse, too! (gift link to full article)
Excerpts from Alexandra Petri’s latest column
Voters! We are thrilled to see that so many of you are leaning R this fall! And we hear it’s because of … the economy? Wild!
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To our knowledge, we haven’t been saying anything about the economy or offering any kind of exciting plan to fix it! As far as I can see, we’ve just been calling Joe Biden a socialist, fear-mongering about the existence of trans people and suggesting that people who want us to denounce antisemitism are Like “1984,” But Worse!
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That’s why we appreciate your confidence so much! As you clearly have realized, when one thing is going very poorly, you have options! Try to fix it, or just make everything else worse, too! Vote Republican, and we guarantee to do our level best to distract you from the economy by impeaching everyone in government, putting Marjorie Taylor Greene in charge of more things, and, in our spare moments, urging the Supreme Court to eliminate any more rights or protections that might be lying around!
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In the meantime, look forward to lots more bills preventing you from mentioning that gay people exist, and requiring children to have genital exams to play sports! And maybe we’ll even come for gay marriage! Who knows! Anything to keep your mind off the economy! You’ll be so busy watching your liberties erode right and left (but mostly right) that you won’t even notice the rise of gas prices!
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As you hurtle across state lines in an ambulance on the brink of death, your rights decimated, your vote uncounted, your libraries shuttered — I guarantee the last thing you’ll be thinking about is the economy! Just like you wanted! Vote Republican today!
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Martin
GDP numbers tomorrow, expected to be surprisingly high, and the usual forces are out there trying to get in front of it.
Old School
Funny – but I’ve been seeing ads about inflation and crime. (Which isn’t strictly the economy either…)
WaterGirl
@Martin: Of course they are!
Baud
@Martin:
I was promised a recession.
WaterGirl
@Baud: Don’t believe everything you hear.
Omnes Omnibus
@Baud: You’ll get nothing and like it!
Yutsano
@Martin: Well bless their hearts.
Jinchi
Well they did also tell us that the low unemployment numbers were a bad sign for the economy.
lollipopguild
@Baud: You will get less than nothing and like it!
lollipopguild
@Jinchi: I cannot remember which right wing idiot said it but one of them said that low unemployment was a sign of a really bad economy.
Martin
@Baud: When betting against the country becomes your brand.
Albatrossity
New rotating tag nomination – I was promised a recession.
Urza
2.4% GDP growth with the FED stepping on the brakes full force? That should be cause for celebration if the economic writers actually understood where inflation is coming from and weren’t blaming it on wage growth.
eclare
@Albatrossity: Seconded!
Formerly disgruntled in Oregon
@Urza: Sweet! Soft landing, here we come!
Alison Rose
OT but this definitely lifted my spirits:
kalakal
@Baud: You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you’ll find…
Elizabelle
@Alison Rose: That was hilarious. Washing machine.
Moar of this, please.
Bill Arnold
@Martin:
To be fair, some of this (maybe several percent? :-) may be directed at the Fed, to encourage them to lift their foot of the brake pedal by reassuring them that a downturn is expected in the general business community. (We are (probably) not hearing what internal economists in large corporations are saying, internally.)
chrisanthemama
Alexandra Petri is a national treasure (in my mind, on a par with Dolly Parton, though for completely different reasons). Gifted the article via FB.
WaterGirl
@Albatrossity: @eclare:
done. Only because you asked nice! :-)
Suzanne
I am in a deeply silly mood. Too much seriousness right now. Time for hot takes?
eclare
@WaterGirl: Thank you! Avoiding any polling news here. It’s not helpful.
phdesmond
@Baud:
the CNN article explains it’s just “a bump before the slump.”
eclare
@Suzanne: How is the new coffeemaker?
Enhanced Voting Techniques
We really need a betting pool on what MSM personality will come up with the most absurd reason why a good GDP number and low UI is horrible thing for economy.
Suzanne
@eclare: IT’S GREAT!!!
It’s so good that Mr. Suzanne isn’t even giving me shit about how much it cost!
eclare
@Suzanne: Awesome! So worth it to spend $$ on stuff that makes every day better!
Suzanne
@eclare: I told my MIL, and she expressed dismay that her son would ever question spending money on something as critical to life as a coffee maker, LOL.
David 🌈 ☘The Establishment☘🌈 Koch
@phdesmond: That’s what she said
eclare
@Suzanne: Hahaha…
Danielx
@Enhanced Voting Techniques:
Echos of “this is good news for John McCain”.
Never gets old.
planetjanet
@Suzanne: How good is this coffee maker? I may need one.
Tony Jay
@Enhanced Voting Techniques:
Easily done. People ‘feel’ that everything is worse than the figures would have them believe, so this undermines the good vibes that these figures represent, which in turn leads people to reject the opinions of experts and act as though the economy is tanking, which risks tanking the economy in the medium term.
In a sense, Biden caused all this by not improving the economy slowly enough for people to find it believable.
I can haz cookie if that’s what they go with?
Dopey-o
a little context would be helpful. Make, model, cost?