I supposed Guessly is the highlander, because he is the only one who remains.
I’m doing ok today, and really appreciate all the kind words yesterday. It does help.
And Thurston has really stepped up his game and been a very good boy, although now that there is only one dog the days of free feeding are over, and he is not at ALL impressed with the concept of portion sizes. Thurston has always wanted to be an only dog, so it is his time to shine.
Steve is well, too, and we had a very solid session this morning with a good brushing and chat, and he is lying in the bed he and Lily shared underneath the desk. And both of them were very pleasant lumps in bed last night, keeping me company.
I, on the other hand, don’t think I am ever going to recover. I mean, I will get better, like I did after Tunch, but as much as I loved Tunch, this is worse. I’m almost kind of embarrassed to say it out loud because it makes me feel and sound like a sociopath, but I don’t think I have ever poured more unconditional love into anything in my entire life, including people and family. And I am ashamed of that and also not, because Lily was worth it. There was just something about her from the moment I first saw her surrounded by those braying beagles, cowering in her cage, that the “This must be protected at all costs” instinct kicked in.
And I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I will measure every dog up to Lily, and all of them will come up lacking. I’m afraid I will never ever have another dog in my life that I loved as much her, but I am willing to let the world test that. But right now I just feel empty and spent and exhausted, and everything feels dull and there is a void that will never be filled in my life and there simply isn’t anything that can be done about it.
I know there are others of you who have gone through this, and I know that there some of you who will one day go through this, so for those of you who have and those who will, keep in mind you are not alone. We’ll have your back.
Within the Margin of Effort – Two More Angel Matches for Boots On the Ground in AZ
kent
Hi John, just a quick, word to let you know that I’ve been through this and it does get better. Your feelings right now include a prediction about the future, and this prediction is just … not … true.
I lost the best dog ever, 3 days after Christmas of 2020, right at the end of the worst year of all of our lives, and I was sure I would never again love a dog like I loved her. And now we have another dog, and it’s true, I don’t love the new dog like I loved the old dog, but I love the new dog in a new way and it’s a new day and things are … well, they’re not like they were but they are ok. I have space in my life to love this new dog … which I couldn’t have had without losing the old dog … and the new dog is also wonderful, in her own way, and life goes on, and ….
The love for the old dog remains, the memory remains. But the overwhelming sadness and sense that nothing will ever be quite right ever again — that goes away.
Good luck!!! Stay strong.
brantl
I have a dog right now, that I’m going to miss like hell when she’s gone, but I know I’ll love dogs, forever.
Cmorenc
@john cole:
I vividly recall the day Just over a year ago when my wife and I escorted our beloved 19yo Italian Greyhound to the vet to send her off across the rainbow bridge as we held her for the last time, very last snuggle forever with her – reluctantly recognizing that as much as we would have loved one more day with her, it would have been unkind and selfish, given the state of her decline. I read your posts about lily back in her better days – and yep, that’s how we felt about Florence the Italian Greyhound.
The later-on upside is that our daughter adopted a delightful foxhound rescue dog, and we get to be dog grandparents, hosting her about 3 days a week while daughter is at work. Very different dog than florence, but a joy in her own way to have around. But we keep florence’s dog bed in the living room floor with her photo on it from her days back in her prime.
Raven
We’ve been “going through it” for more than 50 years. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sorryforlaughing
I’m going through it right now and I know it won’t always feel like this, but the exhaustion and the dullness can be overwhelming. Hang in there, John, we have your back too.
Josie
John, I understand what you are feeling. I lost the best dog ever 11 years ago. I sometimes feel guilty that the current one, although he is well loved, is not as special to me as Teddi was. Maybe part of that is who she was and part of it was the radical changes in my life that she went through with me. I decided to put her in the calendar this year as a way of honoring her memory, which never leaves me. But think how lucky we are to have had wonderful dogs like this and to have had the opportunity to care this much about one. The empathy and exchange of feelings are too good to miss, even though it is painful to lose them. Your pain will lessen over time and the good memories will remain. I promise you will not always feel as you do now. Caring for other animals will help.
Raven
We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan.”
Irving Townsend.
Ocotillo
Been away so I am just now saying, I am very sorry for your loss. I don’t have much of way with words but I hope your pain lessens sooner rather than later.
A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)
Adoring a wonderful, perfect dog who adored you back does not make you a sociopath! It shows you as a wonderful, loving person. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. This is a terrible time of grief, but it will get less raw.
Betty
Reading your posts makes it clear that you were blessed with a very special kind of love. Of course that makes losing Lily seem unbearable. It’s only natural that your grieving process will take time. Meamwhile your other critters will need your affection and that may make the loss just a bit easier to bear.
Jude
I don’t think the hole ever gets filled, but it does get less intense. Sending a huge bear hug your way, John. All your feelings are entirely right and true. Not everyone knows what unconditional love feels like. What a gift you two gave each other.
wmd
Lily was special. You made that clear from your first meeting.
keep your heart open. Lightning can strike twice, although it’s unlikely while you are grieving and deep in loss.
Thurston is stepping up. Your soon to arrive house panther will help too. Lots of love really helps.
Old School
Lily was such a good girl.
CaseyL
You had a unique, irreplaceable bond with Lily; one that most likely had as much to do with where your lives were at the time, and over the years, as with any quintessential element of your or her nature. You may not get another “Lily,” any more than you will get those years again. But you may find a dog who fills your emotional space now as well, or nearly as well, as Lily did until-now.
In human relationships, it seems that the people who had the best loves before losing their partner to death are the ones the most able to love deeply again. It’s like you develop a skill at loving/being loved, and the skill doesn’t go away but seeks a new person to exercise itself on.
(It’s also really interesting to see the way the remaining critters rearrange themselves after they lose one of their number, especially if the one who is gone was in any way central or dominant.)
NeenerNeener
Guessly is the only one left? What happened to Ginnie?
I’ve been filling the hole in my life left by my last two dogs (Fudge and Emily) by dog-sitting two goofy golden doodles, Boris and Natasha. It helps.
Miss Bianca
I feel you, John. I think I had a nervous breakdown of sorts after my heart of heart dogs, Sovay, died. I was an emotional wreck, and wreaked some emotional wreckage around me that, in retrospect, I am sure was caused by my intense grief over Sovay’s death.
I had an outburst of tears the other night as I was driving down the driveway to go to my opening night. Roxy and Watson will often tear down the driveway after or in front of the car, to go visit one of the neighbor dogs. Watson was tearing along just fine, but Roxy had to stop, wheezing for breath, and I had to drive on and cry, realizing how near the end is for her and how all the great opening nights in the world feel like nothing in the face of my dog’s morality.
And I also realize that for me, I *have* to get another dog almost immediately. My mental health seems to depend on it.
You will always, always love Lily best. But I hope you will find another dog someday who needs you as badly as you need her/him.
TaMara
@Raven: This.
Also, this place is amazing for support when a loss happens. You guys make it easier.
Pauline
I’ve been a life-long cat person and have had so many over the years and there are always going to be the ones that just grab your heart a little harder than the others. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t love the others any less, but the heart-grabbers were the ones that were the hardest to lose and the ones that I grieved over the longest. Having the other cats around always helped, though.
Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA)
Mr. Mingobat had a dog, Buddy, years ago — a smart, loyal, sweet Golden Retriever mix. After I suggested we get a dog, he agreed but warned me that our new dog would never be like Buddy to him.
Iggy’s first night with us, we had to rush him to the emergency vet. Mr. M was slightly frustrated, but tried not to show it. In the morning on the way home, I drove while Mr. M held Iggy on his lap. Iggy turned, looked at Mr. M, rested his tired little head against Mr. M’s chest, sighed and relaxed.
Mr. M said, “Wow. Buddy never even did this.”
And that’s when he realized Iggy didn’t have to be another Buddy, and he could love them both. And it took less than 24 hours.
There’s a dog out there that will one day look at you like, “Could you love me even if I’m not Lily?” And you’ll say yes because that dog won’t have to be Lily. That dog will deserve all of your love for who he/she is, and you’ll get all of that dog’s love in return.
And Lily will look down and wag her tail at the thought that her favorite human is happy.
Another Scott
“Time wounds all heels.”
Something like that.
“The time will come when [her] memory will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eyes.” – Joe Biden
Hang in there.
Best wishes,
Scott.
Penn
I have found that you may never love another dog in the same way, you can love other pets as much. That doesn’t in any way diminish what you had.
trollhattan
You get it, you really do.
We lost our first dog–beloved, fearless (once chased a burglar right out a window of my house), naughty (accomplished thief, I think he did not appreciate the competition represented by a burglar)–Dalmatian Bruno, the day before Thanksgiving. It was also one month after burying mom. I think losing him was even harder than mom’s funeral and I could not leave the car for an hour after we arrived at the inlaws place for Thanksgiving dinner. They took pity on me and brought wine until I could stir, go in, be a boat-anchor of a guest.
I’ll allow as to how these passages are cumulative and each carries a piece of those that went before.
DEBG
Lily was the dog you needed, when you needed her most. She loved you more than anything and you felt the same about her, and you both shared that love with all of us. We are all the richer for it.
You won’t ever love another dog *the same way* that you love Lily, but you will love that much again. We pet people always do. We know that the heartbreak will come, but we don’t let it stop us, because it is so worth it.
Hugs and healing purrs from my four beautiful felines.
Gin & Tonic
I missed all this yesterday, but just wanted to add my condolences. I remember when Lily came into your life, and I know you loved her. I’m sure she did too.
Frankensteinbeck
Of all the pains you are suffering, don’t worry about that one. I’ve never seen any sign of this behavior in you. You don’t measure Steve to Tunch. You love many animals, and even when the comparisons are obvious and you make them and one animal comes up very short, it shows no sign of affecting your love. That this will spoil your ability to love other dogs – no. That’s not how you work, a fact you have demonstrated many times over the years.
Alison Rose
I don’t think it makes you a sociopath at all. The love we have with our pets is so different from any other kind. Yes, it’s unconditional, as is often said, but it’s more than that. It’s not just that you love them no matter what and that even if they misbehave or whatever, it doesn’t affect it because they’re just an animal and there’s no malice behind it.
It’s also that THEY love US no matter what. So long as we are good to them, they love us in a way that I don’t think humans can fully comprehend. They trust us implicitly and completely, they know we will take care of them and that everything they need, we will provide. They can rely on us fully and without any doubt. And while we joke about pets sometimes not giving a fuck (especially cats), we know it’s not true and they show us it’s not true every day. And some pets, like Lily perhaps, show it exponentially.
They love us in a way that we will never feel worthy of, but which we are always striving deserve, because their love and happiness and comfort means more to us than our own.
Gin & Tonic
After our last dog (the best dog in the world) we said we wouldn’t be getting another, and now it’s two hears with this one. Every dog is different, and our relationships are always different. There’s no better or worse, just different.
PIGL
Grab your horn, John.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLyMGIqq6H0
Skepticat
Being able to give unconditional love is nothing to apologize for; it’s those who can’t who are the sociopaths. And there will be more furkids to accept all you can give when you’re ready.
pat
@Mingobat (f/k/a Karen in GA):
Dusty in here.
Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony
I had a kitty I loved so much, it didn’t feel like I could ever lose her. She felt like a part of me. When she died, I was torn up for months. It gets better. There are other animals that need love, and I have love to give. So do you.
Kristine
@pat:
Yup.
indycat32
I’ve had cats for over 40 years. And every time I lose one, I say never again, no more, it’s too painful. And within two months I’m at the shelter adopting a kitten (or two), because it’s impossible to be sad when you have kittens running around doing kitten stuff.
Suzan
I have been worrying about it, too.
We lost Luna a month ago, and we decided that next spring would be a good time to look for the next one. In the meantime, I’ve taken a few idle glances through Petfinder. I’ve shown pictures of dogs to Mr. Suzanne. He asked me, “You keep showing me those kind of square-face dogs, do you really want that kind?”. And I said, I really just want Loonie back”.
Suzanne
I have been worrying about it, too.
We lost Luna a month ago, and we decided that next spring would be a good time to look for the next one. In the meantime, I’ve taken a few idle glances through Petfinder. I’ve shown pictures of dogs to Mr. Suzanne. He asked me, “You keep showing me those kind of square-face dogs, do you really want that kind?”. And I said, I really just want Loonie back”.
My in-laws lost their dog this week, and I’ve got two other friends lose their doggos in the last month. It sucks.
MisterDancer
I think I get it. And I grieve with you.
Maybe the only thing that kept me…focused and directed, when COVID hit, in some ways, was the cat on my Author’s Page here.
To this day, almost a year after her passing, I have trouble talking about her at any length w/o choking up. Trying to explain how she was special — from being the cat that “told” my now-fiancee I was safe, to her eagerness to go on walks (yes, we walked our cat and she loved it!).
She was already in bad health when we all had to isolate. And I’ll spare the details to just say, Theda comes up in my therapy sessions on the regular, because I poured so much of myself into ensuring she saw just another day, every day, for so long.
I’m so sorry, John.
Bumper
I’m so sorry for your loss. Pets are family members and their loss is a tragedy too. The pain will ease, though there is always a bit of a hole in your heart. I still miss my best boy ever, Max, who died 15 years ago.
Jackie
John, as others have said, you will have pets who will always leave a paw in your heart – some huge, some smaller. You will love them unconditionally for their love back for you – and, yes, there will always be that ONE or TWO who will snag a different part of your heart that others won’t. No one knows what triggers it, and only time will tell if/when another special pet will come along and be extra special to love.
What’s plain for all of us to see is you’ve got a huge heart with plenty of room for more loves in your life.
<hugs>
Virginia
We lost our best girl ever, Smarty, in January 2021. She was nearly 17. That’s a long time for a lot of love. Both ways. My husband was so bereft, we got another JRT within two weeks. Cheddar came to us at six months old. She came into the kitchen and met our son’s border collie mix and our other JRT and immediately let them know she was the new boss.
My husband loves Cheddar in a way that is just as strong and yet so very different than his love for Smarty, but the love itself is the important thing.
John, you have said that the universe knows when you need an animal. The universe will show you your new dog soon.
All will be well again.
JaneE
We now have a new way to describe our dogs and cats. Perfection = 1 Lily. Not quite perfect = a 3/4 Lily. Barely not feral = 1/100th Lily. Super dog with added skills like agility, = 3/4 Lily plus.
A Ghost to Most
We went to the shelter and adopted Maple, aka Big Red One, in the wake of Tunch’s passing. She went from an obviously abused cat, to a thoroughly content member of the family. Lily will likely do the same for others.
LorinM
The first dog my husband and I had together was a rescue named Maguire. When we got him, he was 10 pounds of stinky fur, bouncing around a cage in the Agoura Animal Shelter. “He’ll probably be a medium size dog,” they assured us. He grew to be 85 pounds and the most exquisitely handsome dog I have seen to this day. Part everything, he was mostly just ours. His demeanor was gentle, and he would only ever bark in threes. Two short woofs followed by a slightly longer one. He lived to be 15 and he was absolutely the love of my puppy life. We lost him in 2012 and honestly, I’m not sure I have ever truly gotten over him. Like you said, Cole, you’re willing to try and you will. We have had two dogs since Maguire, and each one is completely different. And well loved by his parents. It’s the hardest thing to go through, and I completely understand the idea that you’ve never given love to anyone like you gave to Lily. It’s just… different. When we lost Maguire, I was more devastated than when I lost my dad. I felt guilty about that until I realized that it was okay. Love is what love is.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve been reading this blog since before you got Lily and I remember will when you brought her home. I’ve followed her life ever since. She was a beautifully special little soul, and both of your lives were infinitely enhanced because you had each other. While you’ll never truly get over it, you will get past it. And you’ll definitely love again. All the best.
Antonius
When Max the cat died in 2019 at the young age of 6, I’d lost one my best friends in life. When my wife convinced me a few months later to go see some shelter cats, we came home with two. I don’t love them in the same way I loved Max, but it’s as good in a different way and they’re both my good friends.
Miki
Oh, John. It doesn’t get “better,” but you do love on.
I lost my Dad, my Mom, and my ❤️ dog, Mike, in a seven month period in 2008. About a week after Mike passed I got a call from the pet crematorium to let me know there’d been a mix up and Mike was cremated in a group burn instead of separately so they couldn’t return his ashes to me (no shit). Of course they would refund my payment, and they were terribly sorry, and is there anything else they could do, maybe a plaque? Ah, no. Seriously. No. The poor guy kept apologizing, over and over and over until I finally just told him to shut up – It’s done. There can be no do-overs.
The hole in my ❤️ from Mike’s passing in one of the worst years of my life will never be filled. And that’s okay. He lives forever in my memories, i.e., in my ❤️.
Along with Tucker and Charlie and Maggie and Sully and Elmo and John and Poi and Hubbard and Sam and Tammy The Rat.
And, since 12/14/22, with the very much alive and loving Tyler.
You’ll get there, John.
MomSense
I feel that in some ways Lily saved you as much as you rescued her. She provided love and routine (an underrated part of life) that kept you grounded through a lot of transition and challenges. She was keeping the rhythm for you and in return you gave her a life of security and love.
Don’t count out Thurston Howl. He is going to grow into the cat herder that you need very soon. You may find that his personality changes a bit now.
And at some point you will find a dog who needs you and with whom you feel a connection. It may not reveal itself for a while but that dog and Thurston will be there for you when you need them.
But this part is hard. There are no short cuts for grieving. We are here for you and keeping you close in our thoughts.
jackmac
@kent: I was going to create my own take on loving and honoring your late doggo and how another can (and probably will) someday enter your life.
But Kent really said it all best.
greenergood
“I’m almost kind of embarrassed to say it out loud because it makes me feel and sound like a sociopath, but I don’t think I have ever poured more unconditional love into anything in my entire life,” How incredibly lucky you are to feel able to express and give unconditional love to such a lovely and deserving canine overlady, and all your overlords and ladies! So many people just don’t know how to do that! And that makes them sad, and angry and frustrated – and unfortunantly possibly violent. You have a great gift in appreciating your animal companions, and they have had great ways of returning your love, and each new one will also benefit from your love, and you will benefit from theirs. It’s just the perfect exchange and long may it continue …
debit
I just saw the post about Lily. I’m so sorry, John.
I’ve lost companion animals (dogs, cats, horses) and it’s always hard. But when you lose the one, it’s…I can’t even describe it. Walter was my one, the dog of my heart and I still can’t talk about him without crying.
You will miss Lily every day. You will find yourself making room for her in bed, or getting out a treat and right after that split second you’d forgotten she was gone it will hurt all over again, just as bad. Maybe worse. You’re always going to miss her and it’s always going to hurt, just a little less as time goes on.
But a new dog won’t care that you loved Lily more. They’ll only know you love them too and for them, that will be enough.
Hang tough, John. We’re there with you.
OzarkHillbilly
Fear not John, every dog (pet) is different and you will feel differently about each and every one of them, but you will love them all. Some more than others because some are just assholes, and that’s OK, just remember that assholes need love too.
Chacal Charles Calthrop
As everyone here says, you won’t get over it but you will move past it. Take care of yourself, and let your other pets take care of you. They miss her too but they also want you to feel better.
Crusty Dem
Very sorry John. We lost our one and only in August and it was time but we won’t be the same. It does get better. It is what we signed up for. But it takes time.
ColoradoGuy
I felt guilty when we lost Lander, our Border Terrier, to a coyote or a Great Horned Owl one dark night in November. Gone without a trace. I felt guilty I let him out without knowing the coyote risk, and felt guilty when I collapsed in the back yard and bawled out loud without caring if anyone saw me out there. I felt guilty I was more devastated about dear little Lander than the passing of either of my parents or my friends.
But a week or so later, I noticed a faint presence or sensation of “something” around Lander’s favorite spot, where he would watch every sunset (dogs see some color, especially if it is vivid). And Suzy, our rescue terrier, with a completely different personality, loves the same spot where Lander watched the sunset. I occasionally feel something, a mood as much as anything, about Lander … and Suzy, our terrier, comes around when that happens. On some level there must be a connection that I do not understand.
Avalune
There is a huge Bella sized hole in my heart. I have had my eye on a little rescue called Hadley but like John I feel it would be hard for any dog to live up to My Jingle Bell girl.
Sorry for your loss. It’s so tough.
catatonia
I just lurk here mostly and haven’t checked the site for a while, so just found out about dear Lily. I’ve been there, brother, three times. I am so so sorry. But Lily and you enriched each other’s lives immeasurably, and that is an unquantifiable Good Thing.
Odie Hugh Manatee
Lily was a one of a kind to you. No other dog will ever measure up to her in your eyes, nor should they have to. The best thing about one of a kinds is that every single pet of ours is a one of a kind.
You have a big heart, John. One that has a lot of room in it to fill.
ThresherK
And Thurston has really stepped up his game and been a very good boy (since the passing)…
My wife’s cat, nearing 16, was a pill to me, my wife (sometimes), and my cat. I accepted this because he was also, when not being a jerk, very devoted to my wife (who was a champion cat-lover).
We had to put him to sleep. Within one day of knowing something changed, my cat was so much happier I couldn’t believe it. She was always sweet but reserved to most but me. It was like a switch was thrown.
Ruckus
@kent:
I see that I don’t have to actually say a word, you said it perfectly.
Ruckus
@Raven:
Irving knows of what he writes.
whatsleft
Dear John – sending you love and healing. Lily was incomparable. She will want you to find another love after you grieve her because she wants your world to always be loving you, just as she did. Her love lives on.
StringOnAStick
John, I still cry at times about my heart cat, 7 years later. I used to wonder if I needed professional help about it, but I think I just loved her that much and I miss her, and that I was lucky to have had her in my life for as long as I did. We got two orphan kittens 5 years ago, and while they aren’t my sweet Jasmine kitty, they are creatures I love and I know our relationships just keep getting deeper. If Jasmine was the deepest pet love I’ll ever know, I can deal with that by being grateful that I was able to have that experience.
wonkie
John, I grieve for you. To love that intensely is a gift but it is a gift that has to be paid for sooner or later. I don’t know if you will experience that kind of love again, but someday I hope you will be able to remember and feel how your life was enriched and feel less of the pain.
EarthWindFire
We lost our bestest boy, Buddy, on April 9, 2021. We brought home a sweet girl last Saturday and named her Penny. Already Penny needs work that Buddy never did – and we still love her. Buddy will always be my best boy but there’s still room for one more. She just had to find us.
Yutsano
You’re getting a virtual hug. No arguments!
*hug
Ruckus
John
I had to give up Bud (he’s in this year’s calendar, January) 10 yrs ago because GWB’s recession left me with nothing. Just me and Bud. But I had to give up Bud (not going into that) and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done was put him on that single engine plane (guy flew pets around the country, new homes, rescue orgs, etc) that flew him back to the rescue org that I got him from. Most difficult thing I’ve ever done and I’ve been in a room with a fuel fire as lead hose man. That was a piece of cake.
You gave Lily a great life and that is one of the best things a human can do. She was your friend and companion and you loved her. That is the ultimate thing to do for any other being. You cared. You think you are broken but that’s not what this is. This is a loss of your best companion. Everything has a cost, this is the cost of being a good human.
Cjcat
The grief never goes away and will surprise you sometimes by revealing itself unexpectedly. That grief is your tribute to your good dog, your pair bond, the love you shared.
At first it feels impossible to even think of loving a new dog. I didn’t even want to after my Boo. I thought she was my last dog and I wouldn’t let myself love another one like I loved and still love her. I didn’t want the pain.
Then we found Minnie, tied to a bench, abandoned and so filthy the shelter probably would have killed her as a health hazard. She is not Boo but her joy in life is so deep that she makes me feel joy. Now there is Peanut, the weird chihuahua, thrown away to live a solitary life after his owner died. His excitement at his new adventures is so fun to watch, even though sometimes he lays in his dog bed and softly whimpers. I think he may grieve sometimes himself and I feel a connection with him over that.
They do not replace my good dog but they are fellow travelers in the difficult road that is life and the love I give and receive from them is enough – most of the time, sometimes it isn’t and I cry a little for my loss, every tear a memory of love I was lucky to have. The river flows on.
Old Man Shadow
It gets better.
The void never quite goes away. But the hurt fades. Memories that would put you into tears bring a smile.
And you realize eventually that they wouldn’t want you to grieve forever, but open your heart and home and give another pet in need a forever home.
Jess
I lost my heart-dog, who was to me like Lily was to you, a year and four months ago, almost to the day (but who’s counting). I adopted another rescue immediately b/c it was an urgent case, but I wondered for some time if I had acted too quickly, and whether I would love my new dog anywhere near as much as my former dog. My doubts were enhanced by the fact that my new one is a former street dog who is an independent and reserved type, so he was slow to bond with me. But recently I feel I’ve turned a corner and am finally no longer missing my former dog like an amputated limb, and can devote myself to new boi whole-heartedly. And vice versa; he’s become a total glue-dog, always by my side. I’ll always miss my first dog, but now I feel more of a continuity of my love for both dogs and I don’t feel like I’m comparing my feelings for one to the other now. It’s all one love.
leeleeFL
John, I am inconsolable for you over Lily! I know how you feel, and I also know that one day, a pair of puppy eyes will capture your heart and soul, and Lily will rejoice for you.
I, for the first time in years, am going to adopt a kitten. It will really be my GrandDaughters’ kitten, but will live with me, because they live with allergic significant other and child with their Mom. I will be owned again, sometime in December or January. I am moving house, as the Brits say, and I will need recovery time.
Know that we all understand and we all miss her too.
Tim in SF
I’m about to go through it with my senior dog, who is declining rapidly.
I’m weak with dread and despair. Weak and sick and terribly sad.
I’m glad I recently refilled my prescription of Ativan. I’m going to need them to get me through it.
Cathie from Canada
In grief, I often think of this Dickinson poem:
Yes, so true.
Msb
Kent and debit said it for me.
One of the best principles to “practice in all our affairs” is One Day at a Time. Live well through this one and leave the future to itself.
HeartlandLiberal
You are a good man, John Cole. I can say no more.
mg_65
John, I am so sorry for this loss. I loved lurking along with Lily’s wonderful life with you. Sending you love.
captain toast
I know when Blacky decided to leave I thought I would never find another so wonderful. He was always there for me and my days intertwined with his. So, I walked around for months with tombstones in my eyes.
Just before winter, Mousey decided to adopt me and it was like Blacky was back different but the same. Someone up there must like me.
Sherparick
All I can tell you John, is that I miss Lily to, will miss reading about the wonderful love & relationship you have with each other. As C.S. Lewis wrote in “A Grief Observed.” “The death of a beloved is an amputation.” There is no consolation except memory.
“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.”