Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

This fight is for everything.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Everybody saw this coming.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Red lights blinking on democracy’s dashboard

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

Too often we confuse noise with substance. too often we confuse setbacks with defeat.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

rich, arrogant assholes who equate luck with genius

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

You are here: Home / John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House" / Open Thread

Open Thread

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Annual Beard Selfie:

Open Thread 36

Beard is growing in well and I intend to go two more months without touching it and go full mountain man. I hate that I look like a Trump voter (the car selfie in shades does not help), but I think I might just get a big pride pin for my overalls to offset it and stay THE FUCK AWAY from red hats. Not that they make hats in that size.

I told you all what my drill sergeant said in basic training, right? “Holy Cow Private Cole- your head is so big if you was a cowboy you’d need a twelve gallon hat.”

Drill Sergeants are the funniest human beings on the planet.

*** UPDATE ***

IT LOOKS EVEN FUCKING BIGGER INDOORS

Open Thread 37

I guess because there are no trees or mountains to fucking distort people’s perception of scale. Also why do I look like I am on pcp?

Reader Interactions

84Comments

  3. 3.

    Alison Rose

    Just carry a Trader Joe’s tote bag with you everywhere, then they’ll know you’re not one of them. Or get a blue hat that says “Brandon kicked Trump’s ass”.

  8. 8.

    Another Scott

    Stylin’

    Today I got my 3rd haircut this year – whether I needed it or not.

    (I kinda needed it.)

    Here’s hoping I avoided the Covid and the flu and the RSV and all the rest in the time I was unmasked…

    You could always get a red Make Black Lives Matter hat.  Or variation thereon.

    Cheers,
    Scott.

  10. 10.

    steppy

    We call a good friend of mine “One-peg” for his fit on a trucker cap. Just more space for a big giant brain to reside.

  12. 12.

    ian

    Also why do I look like I am on pcp?

    Not sure that the posted pictures look like you are on pcp.  Do you have any of you freaking out?  Seeing those is the only way your commentariat can judge properly.

  14. 14.

    steppy

    PCP because your Rx must be -7 like mine was before LASIK. Not bad but it tends to make the eyes look beady.

  15. 15.

    Ohio Mom

    I have two very cute red wool hats. One looks like the hat Robin Hood wore, I try wearing it every now and then but I’m not really comfortable with red on my head anymore. The other is a baseball cap and I’m definitely never wearing it again.

    I feel cheated. I know, it’s minor compared to everything else Trump took from us.

  16. 16.

    Nancy

    Ummm,

    I appear to be in the minority here. I disagree with your negative appearance assessment. You look OK.

  21. 21.

    Anne Laurie

    @Ohio Mom: I have two very cute red wool hats. One looks like the hat Robin Hood wore, I try wearing it every now and then but I’m not really comfortable with red on my head anymore. The other is a baseball cap and I’m definitely never wearing it again.

    You can almost certainly overdye the wool hat pretty easily — with a strong coffee solution, if you don’t wanna get ‘crafty’.  The baseball cap, well — there are amazing fabric paints available these days; you could always decorate it with pearlescent rainbows!

  23. 23.

    Ohio Mom

    Maybe the PCP look is because your eyes are two different colors? The reflection of the computer screens on your glasses makes the eye on the left (your right eye) lighter than the other.

  25. 25.

    UncleEbeneezer

    @Sister Golden Bear: I just visited an optometrist after years of none and learned that I really need to wear sunglasses more during my tennis lessons to protect against a type of UV damage that has significant risk for people with blue eyes.  Shopping around for reasonably priced sunglasses with broad UV protection  it’s depressing how many of them are those hideous, wrap-around BlueLivesMatter/Insurrection glasses.

  26. 26.

    Ohio Mom

    @Anne Laurie: Thanks for these ideas. I think I will look for some YouTube’s on dying red hats. As long as I don’t shrink it in hot water, ought to be doable.

  28. 28.

    Suzanne

    And you look like you’re on PCP because you look kind of red and flushed in that picture. Maybe it’s just the light? If not, some skincare is in order…..go get a facial and do a moisturizing mask at home. And wear sunblock. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN.

  29. 29.

    UncleEbeneezer

    Was just listening to this great Marc Maron interview with Henry Louis Gates.  Really interesting hearing about his experience growing up in W. Virginia (Cole, you might wanna check it out) but then almost had to vomit when he said he doesn’t judge his Yale/Harvard friends who voted for Trump because he doesn’t know what’s in his heart and because Cancel Culture is just as bad as Right Wing school boards banning Toni Morrison.  Gag…🤮

  33. 33.

    different-church-lady

    Also why do I look like I am on pcp?

    Because it’s a bad-ass look, especially with the shades.

  34. 34.

    Splitting Image

    Man, whoever said that a squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous never saw that head. I conclude that your drill sergeant isn’t the guy who said that.

  36. 36.

    HinTN

    @Another Scott: For my retirement, playing on the fact that everyone knew I was the token liberal in the office (at least the only out,  and out proud liberal), a recently de-Trumpified retiree gave me a  MAGA (My Attorney Got Arrested) cap. It might fit that melon. 😎

  38. 38.

    BigJimSlade

    Here’s my thanksgiving update: we had filet mignon yesterday (at mom’s request), and today we went to the store and bought an 11-pound turkey for $5 :-)

  40. 40.

    Jager

    @Jim Vandewalker:

    I was a squad leader in basic training, I had an assistant,  I.B., and I were running a review of training low crawl drill one afternoon. I.B. said to a chubby kid hung up on the wire, “What I wanna know, is why you brought your mama’s ass to basic with you?” Sgt McGinnis broke up and he had to walk away.  He later recommended I.B. for the NCO academy.

    Our first Sgt called a kid out of morning formation. Pvt K was a massive fuck up. Sgt Burton gets in his face and says, “K you are going on sick call this morning.” The kid says “Why?” Sgt Burton smiled and said, “The doctors are going to put a window in your stomach because your head is so far up your ass, you need a window to see where you’re going.” He then looked over Pvt K’s head, glared at our entire company, and dared anybody to laugh much less smile.

  43. 43.

    Citizen Alan

    @Danielx: No he doesn’t. There is a clear spark of intelligence in those eyes that you’d never see in the bovine expressions of MAGA trash.

  44. 44.

    Don K

    @UncleEbeneezer:

    Maybe that’s my problem. I have blue eyes and when I go inside after being out on a sunny day I’m blind for a few minutes. I wear shades (have worn prescription shades since I got my driver’s license at 17), but maybe I need more.

    John, I’m rocking a beard that’s around 4 inches long now, and I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about whose side I’m on. You do you and fuck the rest of the world.

    And yeah, I can sympathize with having a large cranium. On the rare occasion I’ve wanted to buy a hat I’ve never been able to find one that really fits. Just feel superior to the poor twerps who don’t have your awesome brain power inside that big skull.

  45. 45.

    raven

    @Danielx: Man there was one of those down at the docks when I came in from my fishing trip. Dude must not have liked the diversity in evidence at Harborwalk!

  46. 46.

    Origuy

    Since this is a hat thread, I got a new accessory today. When I was in Moscow in 2013, I bought a souvenir ushanka, one of those big (fake) fur hats. It came with your choice of pins, either a Soviet red star or an Imperial Russian eagle. I got the eagle because everybody thought the Russian Empire was in the past, right? So today I got a pin to replace it, a blue and yellow Ukrainian tryzub.

  47. 47.

    Suzanne

    @Betsy: I have a family history of skin cancer, too. Take care of your skin, people! Wear hats and hoods and sunglasses and sunblock!

    Yes, the Unabomber is my fashion icon.

  48. 48.

    M. Bouffant

    My hat size is 7 & 5/8, but it seems proportionate to my body..

    Supposedly having a big head, like a caricature, makes one look good on telebision. This is allegedly why Merv Griffin chose Vanna White for Wheel of Fortune.

  49. 49.

    LeftCoastYankee

    As someone with a similar size head (and whose beard grows mostly sideways, accenting the melon-tude), maybe some giant Elton John glasses are the way to go.

    Probably help with the WV MAGA F-Off factor too….

  50. 50.

    sab

    I am glad Cole has a respextable beard. My husband finally got rid of his goatee. At his age (70) it just made him look MAGA.

    He has another incipient skin cancer, this one on his ear. Might lose a chunk of it. He is horrified. His punk son and DIL think that would look cool. Tastes obviously vary.

  51. 51.

    sab

    @Suzanne: At least you are out of Arizona. When I moved back to Ohio from Nevada in my late forties I hoped my eyes would rehydrate and I would  not need reading glasses anymore. No such luck, but at least I can go out in the daytime for more than fifteen minutes without looking like I’d sat in a toaster oven.

  52. 52.

    dnfree

    @Suzanne: ​
      My husband is fair-skinned and always wore ball caps (and sun block since that became a thing). Now he’s had skin cancers on the tops of both ears. Those hats with the side flaps might look dorky, but you really don’t want MOHS surgery on the tops of your ears.

  53. 53.

    TS

    @dnfree:

    My Dad had ears that looked like they had been nibbled all over. He also ended up with a concave shape in the back of his head. He really liked that one – said everyone could recognize him from the back. All because of skin cancers – and he wore broad brimmed hats most of his life.

  55. 55.

    JustRuss

    The pic with the shades has a bit of John Goodman-in-Lebowski vibe to it.  Not a bad look.

    I do sympathize, I grew a goatee a few months ago and have that old-MAGA-dude look. Whatever, keeps my neck and chin warm.  I like to hike with a bright hat on, got a nice red one in 2015 and haven’t worn it in years thanks to fucking-he-who-shall-not-be-named.

  56. 56.

    Steeplejack

    @sab:

    I shaved off my goatee (kept the mustache) specifically to lessen resting MAGA face. Dunno how successful I was. Feel like I still get wary looks from store clerks.

  57. 57.

    sab

    @Steeplejack: I liked the goatee. I thought it was a good choice until I saw the fellow travellers.

    He asked my opinion before he shaved it and I waffled. Not my role to make such decisions. He can opine on my haircut because it doesn’t label our politics for the world.

  58. 58.

    BeautifulPlumage

    My forehead hurts just looking at the ridges in yours. Ever since COVID, I’ll randomly realize my face is scrunched up and it takes a concerted effort to relax it.

  61. 61.

    Suzanne

    @sab: @dnfree: My grandfather went bald, and he was good about wearing hats and sunblock on top of his head, but forgot about the earlobes. He had a mole on one and it turned into melanoma. Had to have a chock of his ear removed. My FIL was diagnosed with melanoma on top of his head last year. Bad about hats! Gotta protect the skin.

    Even aside from sun exposure, red skin often means something isn’t right, either an allergic reaction or dryness or irritation or a rash.

  66. 66.

    sab

    @Suzanne: I grew up in Florida with pathologist father and I am nuts about skin cancer. Husband not so much. Regardless, all the damage was done when we were ignorant tykes.

    Freckled people should act like they are vampires. Sun will kill you. Saw a black comedian on tv and she was right: All you back-to-where you-came-from people: there is a reason Britain is always cloudy.

    ETA I know you are Italian so doesn’t apply to you.

  69. 69.

    RandomMonster

    You know Cole if I broke down on a bumfuck mountain road I sure as fuck hope you were the dude who came across me.

  71. 71.

    J R in WV

    @Betsy:

    My dad was a sun worshipper — wore a tiny bathing suit to mow a V large lawn all his life, laid in the sun with his dad, my granddad, who also loved sweating in the sunshine. Not me! Shade or in the basement.

    By the time his skin cancers had blossomed, he saw a Dermatologist every 90 days, who took care of the little fiddly bits, but then sent him to a plastic surgeon for the larger incipient melanomas.

    I would drive up to dad’s place, pick him up to drive to the plastic surgeon’s office over towards Lewisburg, where he would come out with half a dozen pressure bandages taped to his incisions. He would be groggy for the drive home, I would pick up  takeout dinner and get him situated to recover.

    Dad looked like a retired knife fighter eventually. I avoided the sun to the maximum extent possible.

    ETA: So far I have no sign of any melanoma skin cancer!

  72. 72.

    JoyceH

    @Origuy:

    I bought a souvenir ushanka, one of those big (fake) fur hats. It came with your choice of pins, either a Soviet red star or an Imperial Russian eagle.

    I have one of those with a US Navy officer’s device on it, the same ones that were on our regulation covers. Don’t know if it’s still the case, but back in My Day, those hats were authorized extreme weather headgear.

  75. 75.

    Nancy

    I still think you look OK. I don’t like my selfies either.

    The expression assumed by a person staring at their phone does not truly capture the self they present to the world or to those with whom they wish to interact–as opposed to those who literally run into them in a supermarket.

    You have provided amusement to many jackals with this annual gesture so there is that.

  76. 76.

    HeartlandLiberal

    At least you can grow a decent beard. I cannot. Family lore was always a great-great-grandmother was full Amerindian. In 2015, wife and I did National Geographic Genome Project. And, Lo! My DNA came back with a percentage exactly matching what to expect from a single ancestor of that degree!

  77. 77.

    HeartlandLiberal

    @Ohio Mom:  I worked for Indiana University Bloomington for 25 years, last 15 before retirement as IT Director at Athletics. (Yes, I knew Bobby Knight.) Imagine how many RED CAPS I have! At least they all say IU or Indiana. I still wear them.

  79. 79.

    evodevo

    @M. Bouffant: Yeah…sometimes I notice, especially on tv news pundits, the relative size of their heads compared to their shoulder width…Al Sharpton comes to mind, Bill Maher, Leo DeCaprio, Julia Louis Dreyfus and some of the woman newscasters.

  80. 80.

    TheronWare

    My drill sergeant had a saying – “If you had a bigger head, you’d be a bigger fool and If you had two heads you’d be two fools!”

  82. 82.

    Miss Bianca

    @Suzanne:

    Even aside from sun exposure, red skin often means something isn’t right, either an allergic reaction or dryness or irritation or a rash.

    Don’t I know it! Finally stopped dying my hair about six months before COVID hit. Then with the lockdown and all, no hair dying either. Finally decided to do it again in summer 2021 because of a part I was playing. Was puzzled at the red crusty scabs that formed on the top of my ears. Didn’t make a connection till the third time I dyed my hair – OH, SHIT, I AM NOW ALLERGIC TO HAIR DYE!

    So, back to going grey, working on the “silver fox” effect. Will keep wearing hats, sunglasses, and suncreen – fortunately, my hair is long enough to cover the tops of my ears, but I usually sunscreen them too, anyway. Want to keep some semblance of the “fox” part of “silver fox” in play. ; )

  84. 84.

    Another Scott

    @J R in WV: My dad had ocular melanoma – it’s not recommended.  :-(  It’s rare – he thinks that maybe he got it from doing arc welding.

    They didn’t catch it in time for any fancy treatment, so he lost his right eye.  Some local guy to him in NC painted the fake iris to try to make it look more natural and did a good job, but it was different enough to notice.

    It’s an aggressive cancer, so he didn’t survive it.

    Be careful out there!

    Cheers,
    Scott.

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