I just fucking can’t with Sinema anymore. I just don’t give a shit. I am completely over all these narcissistic, power hungry, amoral and immoral, money-grubbing shitastic human beings who all seem to live to be 100 fucking years old. They’re just so fucking exhausting and suck the life out of you, and they are everywhere. We all deal with Sinemas on a daily basis in our own lives, and having to deal with one on the national level is just one insult too much for me to take right now. Just fuck off and die, lady.
I’d wish them all rectal cancer, but honestly, rectal cancer never did anything to me.
Speaking of cancers, what the fuck exactly has to happen before Trump goes to jail. I saw in passing that they found more fucking documents. What does it take to put down this rabid dog? How are his lawyers not in jail?
And why the fuck would any right minded person want documents like this other than for nefarious reasons. The last fucking thing I want when I leave any organization, especially one in which they said “We’re over you get the fuck out” is any reason for them to ever contact me again. Fucking psychotic freak.
Before you ask, I am doing as well as can be. It’s freakish and alarming how many times a day I bookmark something, reach for the phone to call or text, think to myself “tammy would like those shoes” or “I need to tell her to watch this documentary” or “oh she’d love this recipe” or something like that. She’s been such a big part of my life that I tried to remember what it was like before I knew her, and it was so long ago I was still in the military. Fully half my life.
I’ve been filling my time trying to help her husband, and it is just heartbreaking. She was his everything, and he hers. I went through my message history with her on my iphone, and it is just filled with elaborate, perfectly decorated meals she had made for him, from start to scratch. A picture of the ingredients, the mise en place, halfway through the cooking process, coming out of the oven, the plating, and then the leftovers “LOOK HOW MUCH HE ATE HE LOVED IT.” It’s all so sweet, and now so sad.
I worry he will never recover, and am just trying to help in any way I can. If any of you have any idea how to unlock her social media accounts for him, or to access his phone, please let me know.
I went to the Golden Pig again today, the second time this week. It’s a delightful Korean restaurant in the middle of nowhere in Cecil Township, PA, founded decades ago by Korean immigrants. It’s not an elaborate five star restaurant, but the food is five star. It’s the kind of place that Anthony Bourdain would have gone, and all the cooks and chefs and people “in the know” from Pittsburgh eat there. That kind of joint.
It’s got pigs everywhere!
I used to go every couple of months, usually just to grab a bite and grab a container of kimchi, but I was just fiending it on Wednesday and went and man did it hit the spot. The Korean lady who owns it was so excited I was in my striped overalls and raced to my side of the counter to show me her porcelain pig in a matching hat- “It’s you! TWINS!”:
We had a funny chat today while I was waiting. Apparently she shops for the restaurant at the strip district, and often goes to costco afterwards. I mentioned I love it but I always come home with a bunch of stuff I did not intend to buy. Normally, she said, she arrives at noon, and she is so hungry that she feasts on samples, but then feels guilty, so buys a package of whatever she was sampling, but because she doesn’t eat at home, ends up giving it to her college aged son. So now she can not go to Costco unless she has had lunch.
I got 64 ounces of kimchi to go. I think it is the ultimate comfort food for me right now, and I think it is because to make kimchi right, it takes a lot of love. The exact proprotions, everything has to be cleaned just right, each leaf has to be loved and rubbed, and then you have to age it properly. And you are benefitting from the collective knowledge of thousands of years of women preserving the food for their loved ones. It’s just the best.
That’s it for me. Here’s a bonus picture of Steve doing his sultry pose.
War for Ukraine Day 289: What It’s All About!
SpaceUnit
Rock on John.
Elizabelle
Thanks for the update. Comfort to Tammy’s husband.
trollhattan
God, I’m suddenly hungry!
Peace be unto you, John Cole.
John Revolta
Twins? Naahh, your ears are too short.
Hope you’re hanging in there, John. Tough to lose someone so close. Stiff upper chin, BlogFather.
Matt McIrvin
I want kimchi now.
Alison Rose
As soon as I saw the post title when I hovered over the arrow, I knew it would be you, John.
Sinema is so high on her own supply, I’m surprised she can walk upright. There is zero reason for her to be in politics other than her thinking her shit smells like roses and everyone deserves a whiff.
The thing with your brain momentarily forgetting that Tammy is gone…that’s one of the toughest things about grief, I think. When my brother’s youngest child passed a few years ago, I think it took him a good year before that stopped happening, and even now, all of us have those moments where one part of the brain has to remind the other that she’s not here. But I think that’s a testament to how much a person impacts you while they’re around.
frosty
“It’s you! TWINS!” I love it. What a perfect little place to have found.
I have no advice on social media, unlocking phones, or coping with loss, which I seem to be doing this year. Grief comes in waves is all I can say.
Starfish
This is what Facebook has on the accounts of deceased people. I am sure you have found this already.
It is kind of you to still be posting through this so we can know that you are doing as well as can be expected under the given circumstances. Thank you, John Cole.
raven
Clarke Howard, consumer guru, says the way to control spending at Costco is to now use a cart!
trollhattan
NASA has great moon images posted to their flickr account, from the Orion mission.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/nasa2explore/with/52546367167/
IIUC if this mission concludes safely the next will be manned.
Spanky
“Recover” is such an inadequate word. She changed you all, and you will never get back to “before”, even if you wanted to.
But you know that. He, and you, will regain equilibrium, and you’ll both move on, carrying her memory.
Getting old involves a lot of loss, and the older you get the faster the losses pile up. That’s why the elderly so often seem beaten down. You guys are too young to be starting that shit, but all of us, I guess, have loves leave too soon.
cliosfanboy
I am so sorry about your friend…
gene108
@Alison Rose:
To have an ego large enough to run for the U.S. Senate is all the reason anyone needs to be in politics. She won’t let her hard won seat go without a
fightlot of chaos for AZ Democrats.Anyway, as long as she caucuses with the Dems, so there’s a 51 seat majority and she continues to vote for Biden’s nomination there’s not much harm in her being an Independent for the next couple of years. The Republican House will make sure nothing useful gets.
Mai Naem mobile
I know this doesn’t apply right now but if it makes you feel any better, statistically widowers are more likely to get remarried if they had a happy marriage
Oh, and I think the kimchi might help your chances of not getting rectal cancer since its fermented and has probiotics. I personally can’t handle the smell of kimchi.
Odie Hugh Manatee
“It’s you! TWINS!”
That made me bust out in laughter. Thank you for that. Good to hear from you, too!
satby
I’m back from my sister’s services: wake last night and funeral mass and lunch today. For me the worst of grief is seeing other people’s grief, my nephews and nieces today especially. All tempered only slightly by knowing that their mom’s pain and suffering was over. So lots of tears, but lots of stories and laughter and reconnecting with distant relatives and friends too. I’m not religious (a bunch of us were in the heathen pew) but the rituals do help bring some closure even for us non-believers. Wishing peace to Brian, Tammy’s mom, and you.
Danielx
It’s true. After my best friend died by suicide in 2017, for months afterwards I caught myself thinking oh, Tom is gonna love this, usually after TFG committed an unforced error of some sort. It will go on for a while.
But eventually it fades. We don’t physically remember pain, which is a blessing. Emotional pain can be as devastating as physical pain, but you never forget it.
May Tammy’s memory be a blessing.
Another Scott
Thanks for the update, JC. Hang in there.
Meanwhile, speaking of piggybanks, remember that stuff in Mississippi about Favre? Yeah, well, bygones, amirite??!…
(via jonrog1)
Grr…,
Scott.
Comrade Scrutinizer
Shit. Now I have to watch Kimchi Family (aka Fermentation Family) again. Excellent kdrama if you’ve never seen it.
Another Scott
@satby: Condolences to you as well, satby.
Hang in there, and remember the good times.
Best wishes,
Scott.
Scuffletuffle
@raven: i find that the best way is to not take a cart and grab a cheesecake right away, because then i can’t carry anything else and i am sure as fuck not leaving without a cheesecake.
Danielx
@Another Scott:
And the grift goes on
Dollars keep pounding profit to the brain
Danielx
@satby:
South Bend funerals…
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@satby: I’m sorry for your loss.
Expatchad
@Alison Rose: RE:Sinematic
The body that reaches her embalmer has certainly known how to dodge and squirm ( Apologies to Tom Lehrer)
As a retired embalmer, I would decline attempting to disinfect that mess.
zhena gogolia
@satby: I’m sorry, I didn’t know about your sister. That’s tough.
MagdaInBlack
@Spanky: Thank you. I was trying to think how to say that “recover” isn’t quite what happens. “Re-assemble yourself” is maybe a good description?
Lyrebird
THank you for sharing this slice of life.
And for enjoying the adorable twin.
PJ
@MagdaInBlack: Learning to live with a hole in your body. You get used to it, eventually.
NotMax
Translation to English, please.
/old fart
eachother
Went to a Korean restaurant in LA. No English spoken. I gestured I could take a little hot pepper in the soup. Wrong. A speck of a pepper exploded the top of my head off. Through my tears I spotted the kitchen staff chuckling politely behind their hands.
With sadness for your loss I am reminded by these recent tears to never touch my eyes with pepper juice on my hands. Knowing I will again soon because I always do.
With Love
Trivia Man
Here is a resource I have heard great things about. It is for widows and widowers and is large enough that every type of tragedy has specific support. Sudden loss, expected loss, caring for small children, medical issues… they have people who can relate and offer comfort in time of need.
https://soaringspirits.org/
Seefleur
John Cole – delurking to say that I am devastated for you and Brian. I don’t comment often, but I wanted to let you know that I am sending you all my best. I lost one of my best friends/non-familial sisters on my 55th birthday. It took until my 63rd birthday to get to the point of feeling that I had finally found a way to adjust/accommodate/accept that she was no longer a daily part of my life. I still dream about her – but now it brings me smiles more than tears. I hope that happens for you sooner rather than later.
Alison Rose
@NotMax: he means kimchi is deadass bussin’ fr fr, no cap, on God
mvr
Thanks for the update on your well-being since we care about that.
About accessing accounts, you probably have found these already, but
Apple has this:
https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT208510
Verizon this:
https://www.verizon.com/support/deceased-account-handling/
At&T:
https://www.att.com/support/article/wireless/KM1113355
Microsoft:
https://support.microsoft.com/en-us/office/accessing-outlook-com-onedrive-and-other-microsoft-services-when-someone-has-died-ebbd2860-917e-4b39-9913-212362da6b2f
T-Mobile:
https://www.t-mobile.com/support/account/cancel-an-account-of-a-deceased-family-member
There are some sites w suggestions for tricks to get into phones & computers:
https://www.joincake.com/blog/how-to-unlock-a-deceased-persons-iphone/
https://www.joincake.com/blog/how-to-access-a-deceased-persons-computer/
Also there are people who specialize in using information about the person to get into their accounts but I don’t know any to recommend. A good estate lawyer might know some things too.
Some of the password managers can be set up to send the password to a relative or friend after a period of not being used. Lastpass has that. But it has to be set up that way and the period is user chosen. I originally set mine for a month, but then thought that was too long.
Best of luck with that. And if it helps I’m willing to try and find out more about people who do this for a living.
Lehrjet
De lurking, John so sorry for your loss. Hang tough, and just remember the joy she brought to you and BIL.
Trivia Man
Soaring Spirits has resources for friends of those grieving –
https://soaringspirits.org/someone-i-care-about-is-widowed/
geg6
Cecil, PA! I have been to the Golden Pig!!!! Great food!
Steeplejack
@satby:
Condolences. 🙏
Mike in NC
I don’t think we have a Korean restaurant within 500 miles of us, unlike when we lived just outside of Annandale, VA (AKA Koreatown).
Redshift
@trollhattan: Yeah, the images are amazing. Just one gentle correction:
“Crewed” is the term used these days. (And for people who say, “I can’t keep us with that,” NASA likes to point out that they’ve been using “crewed” for longer than there have been iPhones.)
CaseyL
David Schapira has a good Twitter thread on Sinema. Basically, she will reverse or abandon any principles she claims to have in order to get ahead. Which makes her sound less like a flake and more like Elise Stefanik.
James E Powell
@CaseyL:
The question is, in what way is she getting ahead? Of what or whom? She could have been an important committee chair in the senate. But that requires being a team player.
gwangung
@James E Powell: Well, she’s just not very good at this getting ahead thing…..
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@gwangung: the first rule of politics is to alienate as many people as possible, for as little reason as possible
We’ll know in a year or so if she hasn’t out-maneuvered herself instead of Gallego, I gues
ETA: if the past few years are any guide, Gallego may have a huge warchest by then. The sort of thing that can go to an ambitious pol’s head
frosty
@geg6: It’s just 15 miles from where my son lives. I may have to give Korean a try for the first time!
Chetan Murthy
@frosty: Oh wow, you’ve never had Korean! It’s amazing stuff! I’ll just mention one dish that blows my mind. I hate tofu. I mean *hate* it. But I discovered Korean Tofu Soup (Soondubu). And I fucking *love* it! Love it! It’s really, really good! And I *hate* tofu. Let me repeat: I *hate* tofu. And yet ….
Anyway, there are a zillion great dishes in Korean cuisine, and it’s worth exploring. Starting with Korean BBQ, and ending up at all sorts of interesting stuff in soups, fish, noodles, you name it. If I were ready to enter restaurants, I’d definitely want to enter Korean ones.
FlyingToaster (Tablet)
@James E Powell: When all other motives are absent, follow the money.
AFAICT, all of her contributions are corporate. Sinema never held town halls or meet-n-greets or march-in-the-parade events. She never campaigned with/for the other Arizona Democrats. No one has ever lauded her constituent services.
Unless there’s a sugar daddy waiting in the wings, I think Sinema is headed for Fox or some other right wing grift machine, following Tulsi Gabbard.
smike
@frosty:
korean bbq joints are always worth a try, too. Tasty it is.
ETA: I see @Chetan Murthy: had that covered.
RandomMonster
Steve in that picture is like, “You can kim chi the little brown starfish beneath my tail.”
But you know, cats aren’t always right. Kim chi is quite delicious. Steve is coping an attitude in this case and he’s wrong.
piratedan
@FlyingToaster (Tablet): I would agree, hell… she could end up on CNN in a Claire McCaskill kind of roll, her both side bonafides are firmly established and she’s a femme fatale to the beltway circus.
As far as the voters are concerned, at least those in AZ, her poll numbers are not exactly awesome or awe inspiring and her cause celebre based on her recent antics are… don’t tax the overly rich… and lets keep the filibuster… that’s where she “stood up” to her party on those causes of the people…. I sure don’t see that playing well in Tempe, Flagstaff and Prescott… maybe in Fountain Hills and Scottsdale.
I have no idea what kind of political rabbit she’s gonna pull out of her hat to suddenly garner street cred.. (maybe an intimate passionate formerly secret relationship with Kari Lake). Maybe she can pass a sword thru the gordian knot of immigration, or wave a wand to resolve the looming water crisis. Since that may involve real work, I tend to think the political gadfly route and setting herself up as a political oracle so she can still get her camera time and have time to do as she wishes is a likely outcome.
Old Man Shadow
I think we’re all there with you on Sinema and the assholes like her.
Life is so fucking short. They aren’t worth it, but we can’t ignore them either because they hurt people. They demand our energy with their malevolence like soul sucking vampires.
Fuck them.
OverTwistWillie
RIP Grant Wahl.
prostratedragon
As a kimchi belt comedian would say, try the bibimbop!
Histoire du tango,” youknowwho; the violinist is an acquaintance who I’m glad to see getting more visibility.
Soprano2
You don’t recover, you have “before” and “after”. Your life will be different, just like it is after any major change, sometimes in ways you can’t imagine now.
I’ve been to 4 funerals/memorials since the first of November, I’m tired of them. Saw yesterday that a friend’s father died from Parkinson’s. They’ve been expecting it for awhile, but it’s still devastating. My mother told me that when her parents were in their mid-70’s it seemed like they went to a funeral every two or three weeks. I thought that was an exaggeration, now I’m not so sure.
Hoppie
Huge condolences.
Korean riff:
Life sucks, and then you die.
Death (of others) sucks, and then you live.
Taeguk (yin/yang), as it ever was.
piratedan
@OverTwistWillie: have seen one tweet that suspects foul play could be involved, i.e. he showed up to the USA/UK match in a rainbow tee and the authorities wouldn’t let him in and were supposedly quite po’ed that he showed up to challenge their position…. perhaps folks connecting dots that may not be there but in this day and age of rampant theocratic suppression and those in charge showing less and less restraint… who knows. I wouldn’t be shocked if they slipped him something.
Alison Rose
@piratedan: His brother, who is gay, says this is what happened, though of course we can’t know for sure. But it definitely doesn’t feel out of the realm of possibility.
Kelly
This. My first wife died of cancer January 18th 2001 five and half years after her first diagnosis. Monday thought of her as I cross country skied in perfect conditions. Temps just below freezing. No wind. Blue sky. A couple inches of new on a firm base. It’s the kind of day she was faster than me. She was kind of a race horse while I’m kind of a draft horse. We started dating after a day of her and several other friends following me as I relentlessly broke trail in about a foot of new snow. I was wearing skin tight stretch pants ;-)
The current Mrs. Kelly is not jealous. She also likes me to break trail to but I’m nowhere near as relentless.
Baud
I’m sorry to hear about your friend.
ColoradoGuy
Downsides of the Internet: Millions of people decided that trolling is the coolest thing ever, and made a lifestyle out of it.
JaySinWA
We will have to endure Sinema for a while yet, and the showboating that may come with it, but there is the potential for her being lured away to some appointed position where she can do little harm and perhaps find a future grift. There’s plenty of time for that as long as she is willing to do the minimum she has pledged.
Anne Laurie
When you love someone that well, losing them can feel like an amputation — there’s a limb missing in your heart-self, and at unpredictable moments your nerves deluge you with ‘phantom’ pain.
Dan B
Cole; You unlock emotions. You wite so wonderfully.
Of course be there for Brian when we are too far away. You may heal each other. At least that is my hope for both of you, that you will find how much of Tammy has settled into your souls and how many more people need her energy and her blazing love.
rikyrah
🙏🏾🙏🏾 for you Cole, and her husband
Ruckus
@Soprano2:
My family is gone, this started 21 yrs ago and over 2 yrs, starting 3 yrs after the last family member I lost 14 friends. All the family members were older, only one of the 14 was and him only 1 yr. You get old you start losing family and friends. Illness, cancer, heart attacks/failures. The older you get the smaller your world becomes and the more often you dial 911. Sometimes it’s for you. I’m in better health than a lot of people I know, but there is a time limit for everyone.
Live your life, enjoy what you can and what you get. Don’t be an asshole, respect others, they often will respect you. Do what you can to help others, even if it’s just a smile or wave. Life is short, even if you live over 3/4 of a century. Make the best of it. It’s the only one you get.
Noskilz
Best of luck with an awful situation. Hopefully things will go as well as they can for her friends and family.
satby
@Another Scott: @Jim, Foolish Literalist: @zhena gogolia: Thanks all, she was in the final stages of MS, so a blessing for her to be out of pain. It gives a bit of balm to the soul knowing she’s not suffering.
@Danielx: Chicago, big Irish wake and funeral. A friend who came is of Irish and Dutch ancestry, and he remembers how completely different the family funerals were, depending on which side had the loss. Because in spite of the grief, it’s a celebration that that person lived among us a while.
satby
He does, doesn’t he? It’s a gift.
Tony Jay
We found a little Korean place last time we were in London, just outside the Covent Garden Travelodge. That old saw about “eat where the locals eat” was in partial effect because we were the only Indo-Europeans amongst the clientèle, which gave me good vibes.
Tucked downstairs in a corner I noticed the flicker of “You sure about this?” In the waitresses eye when I ordered extra kimchi, but damn it, I survived the excruciatingly delicious fireball of so fucking yummy that came in a bowl and I’m a better man for it. Unfortunately my better half ordered extremely thick noodles with her tofu and, well, let’s just say that I owe her a meal in a South Indian restaurant for the experience.
I think the waitress approved of my bravery. I’m sure they still talk about the colour I went.
I’ll just agree with others that losing pieces of your life sucks. We grow with them, intertwine ourselves with them in adventurous new shapes that we couldn’t have attempted without them there support us, then they’re gone and there’s space where there shouldn’t be, leaving parts of us raw and exposed.
You’re doing okay, Cole.
BellyCat
This. It’s a new vector that can be disorienting though. A possibly helpful perspective is knowing that cherished people (and pets) would want to buoy and stabilize your new vector, providing comfort and encouragement as always. Helps a little to know that.
BellyCat
@MagdaInBlack: “Reassembly” is definitely more apt. Kintsugi is a lovely art that celebrates this process.
Ramalama
@FlyingToaster (Tablet): I wonder if it’s too late for sinema to be given that ambassadorship to Luxembourg about now? Like does her declaring independence mean she’s too far gone?
Betsy
I love the first section of this post. It just pulls out what I feel. It’s just pure straight talk.
The rest is also great, even though the part about your dear friend Tammy is heartbreaking.
Ms. Deranged in AZ
John, I am so so sorry to hear about Tammy. My heart goes out to you and her husband.
MomSense
We have a shop called Onggi which sells all things fermented. The kimchi is amazing and I’m addicted to their pickles. They also sell chocolate chip cookies which have an ingredient that has been fermented – not sure what or how but they are so good that they have ruined all other chocolate chip cookies for me.
John it’s really good that you can be there for Tammy’s husband. I hope the two of you find healing and comfort.
@satby:
I’m so sorry.
Ugh Sinema. I just fucking can’t with her. I guess Arizona Democrats are stuck with how to solve a problem like Sinema.
Let this be a lesson about Green Independents. They are so often GOP spoilers. They talk like they are too cool for school and corporatist Dem shills but they always fucking assist Republicans. Always.
fuckem
Anyway
@MomSense:
Miso is a fun ingredient to add to chocolate chip cookies.
MomSense
@Anyway:
Oooh could that be it? I may have to experiment
cope
I read an interview with Charlize Theron yesterday, someone who has had her share of difficulties in life. In it, she says something to the effect that life isn’t too short, it’s too long. I’ve been thinking about that since I read it.
MagdaInBlack
@BellyCat: That is exactly what I was thinking of. I didn’t know the name of that art. Thank you.
Chris Johnson
Feeling for ya, Cole. I had to wince in fresh sympathy as my best friend (and sponsor) died the Tuesday before last, and I just hang in and try to be patient with myself. This is not a place where I have friends as a rule but I wanted to say something ‘cos I feel like I kinda get it right now. I’m not sure it’s that much easier when you knew the person was in sketchy health (like my friend) but it’s got to be less of a shock.
And then afterward there is literally nothing to do but the best you can with what’s left. No bargaining, no magic weird tricks, and the only prayer worth a damn is ‘help me through to wherever I must go after this’, because like in blues or Zeppelin songs, you got to move.
UncleEbeneezer
@Chetan Murthy: OMG we LOVE Soondubu Jiggae! Make it at home and it’s always great. The only thing that sucks is that it is a bit tough to juggle all the steps for two bowls in our really tiny kitchen.
UncleEbeneezer
@RandomMonster: Kimchi by itself, I don’t love. But it goes so great with spicy, bbq’d meats and is the perfect sour component to give you that brilliant spicy, savory, sweet & sour combo of tastes.
Ol_Froth
Ooooh, I love Korean food! Definitely going to check out The Golden Pig, looks like its only about 30 minutes away.
BruceFromOhio
Thanks for the update, John. Grateful you are there for Tammy’s hub.
All you can do sometimes is just carry the fuck on.
BruceFromOhio
@raven:
MrsFromOhio and I agreed to a protocol, always make a list and stick to it, always eat before getting in the car, check the gas in both cars and take the one that’s almost empty, never go alone.
Joegy
First and foremost John, you are a wonderful writer and so many value this site and you. We ache, laugh, and growl along with you. An army of infantry walk behind the tank you’re in.
Life isn’t remotely fair and we shake our fists, wake up the next day and look for helpers, like you.
Lastly, having no experience with the delicious food, but Kim Chi is a beautiful and incredibly talented Drag Queen and is spicy delicious in her own right.
Nononan
My family come from that part of Washington County, PA and I haven’t been back there for quite some time. So thanks for the recommend and the nostalgia.
Shana
@Comrade Scrutinizer: Sounds good but it’s not listed on either Netflix or Viki. Where do you watch it?
currawong
I bought a whetstone on the Strip.
All the best, John.
Rileys Enabler
@satby: I’m so sorry for your loss, Satby. Sending quiet hugs. I’m sorry.